PHẠM PHƯƠNG UYÊN

C6TGB
Using a computer everyday can have more negative than
positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree?

CHỮA BÀI LẦN 1

With the rapid advancement of science and technology,
children nowadays are exposed and used to using computers
regularly from a very early age. Some people believe that this
phenomenon causes more damage than benefit to young
children. This article agrees with this viewpoint saying that the
disadvantages are more likely to occur since excessive
computer use can harm not only young children’s health but
also their behavioral development.
To begin with, regular computer usage is detrimental to
young children's health in the long-term. In particular, blue
light sources from screens harm the eyes of young children,
leading to vision problems. Spending too much time in the
chair next to the computer also has a negative impact on
children's height growth since their spines are constantly
under pressure. Children of 1 to 3 years old are more likely to
have dysarthria and autism if exposed to computers regularly.
For example, with the increasing appearance of computers in
Vietnamese families, the number of children with vision
problems and autism spectrum disorders in the past decade
rocketed.
  Secondly, daily use of computers can negatively affect
young children’s behavioral development. It is undeniable that
while computers can help provide children with a huge
amount of useful information from interesting websites and
games to kill time, it can give these young users easy access
to unwanted sources of information. Young children are more
vulnerable to extreme violence content and more likely to
become timid and frightened, or in some other cases, hostile
and aggressive. According to a 2021 survey by dantri.vn, 3
out of 5 children who use computers regularly show signs of
violence and aggression. 
To conclude, daily computer usage for children is a
terrible idea since it is more likely to not only cause physical
and psychological health concerns, but it may also interfere
with kids’ behavioral development.

PHẠM PHƯƠNG UYÊN

C6TGB
Using a computer everyday can have more negative than
positive effects on young children. Do you agree or
disagree?"

Nhận xét:
Chưa để ý đủ đến cấu trúc ngữ pháp của bài: so sánh more
than…
Dùng từ chưa đúng đề bàii: young children
OUTLINE: 
It is often argued that Using a computer everyday can have
more negative than positive effects on young children
This essay agrees with this statement. 
The essay will first discuss how Cl1 and then discuss how Cl2
(main idea 1 lam tot/xau 1 nhu the nao vaf main idea 2 lam
tot/xau 2 nhu the nao): (how N is adj and how adj Ving can be)
hoặc how S1V1O1 and how S2V2O2. adj/V tốt tương ứng với
đồng ý/không đồng ý
Firstly, Cl —> not good for our health
 obesity, bad eyesight, musculoskeletal disease (physical)
 lack of social interaction… (mental health)

Secondly, Cl distraction and dependence

For instance, only 9% of N1 V1 (O1), while 15% of them V2

(O2)
In conclusion, (paraphrase question) is a good/bad idea
because it will/will not V1 and it also/also not V2. 
It is predicted that/It is recommended that S will V.

ESSAY: 
With the rapid advancement of science and technology,
computers are becoming a more popular and necessary
component of everyone's life, particularly for the younger
generation. Some people believe that using computers every
day causes more damage than benefit to youngsters. This
article agrees with this viewpoint since excessive computer
use can harm one's health and induce distraction and reliance
when learning.
To begin, excessive computer usage is detrimental to
children's health, both physically and mentally. In terms of
physical health, blue light sources from screens can harm the
eyes of young children, leading to vision problems. Spending
too much time in the chair next to the computer also has a
negative impact on children's height growth. In terms of
mental health, excessive computer use deprives youngsters
of face-to-face social connection, putting many children in a
condition of mental instability or sadness. For example, the
period 2019-2021 in the United States saw a record spike in
depression and vision problems such as nearsightedness and
astigmatism in youngsters, up to 13%, when all children's
school activities must be completed online via computers.
Secondly, daily computer use can have a negative
impact on children's learning process. The advantages of the
interesting web on the computer are apparent, but there are
several games and social networking sites that could possibly
divert children's attention away from studying. Furthermore,
many youngsters have made use of computers to cheat,
relying on internet resources when doing the assignments.
According to a survey by an Australian university, nearly 70%
of students said they would use a computer to copy
information during their homework because it was simpler and
faster.
To conclude, daily computer usage for children is a
terrible idea since it not only causes physical and
psychological health concerns, but it may also interfere with
kids' learning processes.