emboDYING: Changing is painful but it's inevitable

One of the best author said that there is no hurry, We shall get there someday, but when I was little
I was so excited to grow up to enjoy the things that I want not knowing that it was far from what I
imagine, by the way My name is Jhemarie Doculan, and I am a 2nd year college taking up Bachelor of
Science in Accountancy and because of perseverance I am one of the scholars of our school. Now, that I
am 19 years old many people where looking at me and they all clapped their hands whenever I achieved
something either in school or in earning money from my sidelines, since I can see that they are proud of
what I am doing, I continue to work hard, to honor them, to give the best that I can in exchange for
their sacrifices and for giving me a comfortable life, but as I grew older I notice that I am slowly losing
my track or changing my directions, I am also unable to make such good decisions in favor of them, I
think that I am starting to go outside my comfort zone and I am entering to my life where I just need to
follow my dreams and not the voices that tells me what to do. Those whom I honor are gradually losing
their faith in me, because I changed, but I think we are supposed to.

My old me: Whenever I reflect myself in the mirror, I always look free, calm, and unbothered, but I still
admire the old me who can handle the pressure of what others might say, the old me who always say
yes to her family, the one who nods and follow instantly with no hesitations and questions, the girl who
do everything for her family's happiness, I want to honor her, to embody her because of her I will not be
the woman that I am today. I'm in the edge of dying mentally because of confusion between which one
will I follow, my old self that always say yes even if it doesn't make her happy or meeting the new
version of me who is mentally peaceful, deep down I want to choose the latter part since I feel that
validation and worth comes within ourselves and not just because of giving other people the right to
decide for us.

My family: They are my reason why I am still fighting to learn amidst the times of pandemic in our
country, my happy pill, my paraluman in this trying times, but sometimes I feel suffocated by the way
they looked at me when I fail at something, the way they belittle me and my decisions for myself, I try to
explain my thoughts but they always want to follow their certain rules. It makes me sick and stress
about the things they are forcing me to do, feels like I can't breathe, that is why I want to succeed with
the choices that I made to prove them that I can stand in my own and I'll not disappoint them because
they.raised.a.strong.woman.

Goals: This is the last part where in I want to share with people, most likely teenagers who are confused,
lost, and wondering because of the sudden changes in theirselves. I want to achieve that success for me
to be able to teach, attend certain events and seminars to give a message: keep the burning fire inside
yourself even when no one is supporting. My inner self is telling me to apply all the lessons that I've
learned in my humble years of living to achieve what they want, to focus on their dreams, to embodies
their goals, to give loyalty to their vision and to be the maximum level of their character. we are all
human being, living with a passion and purpose, we embody, and we embrace change.