That Isn't Love

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/52920121.

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: Gen
Fandom: Outer Banks (TV)
Relationship: JJ Maybank & John B. Routledge
Characters: JJ Maybank, John B. Routledge, Luke Maybank
Additional Tags: JJ Maybank Needs a Hug, JJ Maybank-centric, Protective JJ Maybank,
Abused JJ Maybank, Hurt JJ Maybank, Protective John B. Routledge, JJ
Maybank & John B. Routledge are Best Friends, Arguments, Arguing,
Miscommunication, Abuse, Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child
Abuse, Bad Parent Luke Maybank, Luke Maybank Being an Asshole,
Mentioned Luke Maybank
Language: English
Series: Part 2 of JJ Centric One-Shots
Stats: Published: 2024-01-09 Words: 2,577 Chapters: 1/1
 That Isn't Love
by Jason_Todds_Thigh_Holster

Summary

''No, you want to know what it's like? I'll tell you because I'm sick of sitting back and
watching you get hurt — Luke doesn't love you, and he never will,''

It's blunt. And a tad too far, he knows it is, JJ does as well. But John B doesn't have the grace
to take it back when it's true.

''No, you're wrong about that, don't,'' JJ pauses for a moment to steady the voice from
wavering any more. ''Don't say shit like that,''

''Okay, that's it. You can say I don't know what I'm talking about all you want but it doesn't
change the fact that your dad doesn't know how to love you, JJ. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that he
doesn't know how to love anything but the booze and the drugs,''

''Stop talking about him like that,''

''I'm not going to. I'm sick of you getting yourself caught In the crossfire because you think
any different,"
John Booker Routledge had always been the one to patch his best friend up, he knew how to
clean up JJ's injuries as well as he knew the back of his hand even though he wished he
didn't. It didn't matter what the scenario was, whether it be a drunken fight they'd been
involved in while at a party, a careless surfing accident JJ had sustained, or maybe the worst
one; Luke. JJ's dad roughed the blonde up time and time again. So much in fact that it was the
most common cause of his best friend needing to be patched up. It wasn't surprising when JJ
showed up needing his assistance. Didn't mean he hated it any less either.

Gently, he turns his friends face to the side. Tilting it to where he could get a good look at the
opened cut. The more that he dabs at JJ's cut-up cheek with rubbing alcohol — does he make
sure to voice as such.

''Hold still, no, fully still — not whatever that was. Sure, that works, I guess,'' John B sighed,
the noise sounding deep and heavy. Fed up even. He is, just not at JJ. ''You can't go on like
this, you know,''

The blonde dodges him and the rubbing alcohol once again, he tries not to act on the pang of
annoyance that strikes him. Watches the other's eyes instead as they bore holes into the bottle
of rubbing alcohol that sits beside John B. Ultimately JJ's eyes abandon the container in favor
of flickering toward his, an easygoing grin plastered on thin lips.

''I know that dude, you've said this before. Can we spare the lecture for when my head isn't
pounding?''

John shakes his head, inducing JJ's grin to dim just a bit.

''No, I'm being fucking serious JJ,'' He presses. ''We can't keep letting this go on, I'm tired of
this,''

''Believe me, I don't like it any more than you do,'' JJ wisecracks. ''I don't like getting my
pretty face bashed in,''

John B's expression sours.

''I'm not kidding, I can't keep patching you up just for this to go and happen again,''

''Then don't,''

''JJ,'' John begins,

''If you don't want to help me out then don't. I'll figure it out myself,''

He exhales deeply at that, the last thing he'd wanted was a bout of miscommunication with
JJ.

''You know that isn't what I meant, JJ,''

JJ doesn't respond to him, the only answer he gets out of his friend is JJ getting up. Deflecting
him, the rubbing alcohol, and their current conversation all in one motion. Apparent plans of
leaving, of evacuating and abandoning this conversation already in the blonde's mind. JJ's
back faces him and he could let it stay that way.

Only John B himself isn't ready for that to happen. He doesn't want this to be like all of the
other times where JJ deflects, when the other throws a few jokes his way and expects him to
drop the bigger matter at hand. He gets up too.

''Where d'you think you're going? Don't tell me you're actually thinking of going back right
now,''

JJ reels around, facing him. Features all pinched up in the beginnings of anger. It doesn't
phase John B, he isn't backing down this time. Not even as the blonde speaks.

''It's better than staying here and being dogged on by you,''

''Really,'' John B fires back. ''So that's it then, I patch you up and then you just run off? Like
it's not going to happen again,''

JJ cringes.

''Shut up, dude, It's not even like that, you make it seem like I just used you to patch me up,''

Except that isn't what he's implying at all and he thinks JJ must know that as well. That JJ's
purposely being thickheaded, deliberately choosing to be daft and miss what he's saying
because it's easier. He knows that the truth'll hurt his friend, god does John B know it. But he
has to say it. Needs to get it out there and in the open because he needs JJ to know that JJ
deserves better.

''No, you want to know what it's like? I'll tell you because I'm sick of sitting back and
watching you get hurt — Luke doesn't love you, and he never will,''

It's blunt. And a tad too far, he knows it is, JJ does as well. But John B doesn't have the grace
to take it back when it's true.

''No, you're wrong about that, don't,'' JJ pauses for a moment to steady the voice from
wavering any more. ''Don't say shit like that,''

''Okay, that's it. You can say I don't know what I'm talking about all you want but it doesn't
change the fact that your dad doesn't know how to love you, JJ. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that he
doesn't know how to love anything but the booze and the drugs,''

''Stop talking about him like that,''

''I'm not going to. I'm sick of you getting yourself caught In the crossfire because you think
any different,"

JJ's brows furrow in a frenzy of emotions. And then the smaller teen is stepping closer to
him. His friend's furiosity doesn't deter him, he doesn't even brace himself for being on the
receiving end of it. He knows JJ's all bark, that despite the bad reputation that comes with
being Luke Maybank's son — JJ would never actually lay an ill-intended finger on him. JJ's
too good for that.

"Cut the self-righteous bullshit out, You," JJ says, poking a finger into John B's chest. "Do not
know anything, and I mean anything, about love. And you do not know anything about my
dad and me either,"

John B tries to ignore that last remark. He does. Despite his efforts, he still can't help that the
statement stings. Has him snapping back with one of his own,

''Right, I've only known you since third grade. Yet somehow I've picked up absolutely
nothing about you,'' He snaps. ''I for sure don't know anything about you Or your dad, you're
so right,''

JJ doesn't say much else, ignoring him and choosing to head toward the front door. And John
B? He is at a loss, doesn't feel like it's his place to stop the blonde after all he's said. They're
both at a standstill.

''Fine then, run off, man. As long as you know that I'll be here when you've realized,'' John B
shouts after him. ''Someone that loves you wouldn't beat on you, JJ,''

Taking one last look at him before turning away, JJ's composure as well as the teen's
expression crumples before John B. There's this harsh set in JJ's jaw, one that he knows is
from JJ fighting against the onslaught of tears.

''Yeah, can't you just fuck off with that,'' JJ retorts. ''I'm telling you he loves me, John B. He
does. Sure, maybe not the way your father loves you or whatever but my dad does, he's told
me so,''

Unfortunately, John B doesn't get a chance to dispute that. In fact, he doesn't have the chance
to do much of anything. Considering that there isn't even half a second for him to say much
of anything before JJ slams the door to the Chateau closed. He swallows heavily, vision
directed at the door that JJ had just used to leave. He could follow his friend, probably should
even. Then again they never did anything they should within their friendship. That, and the
fact that he doesn't think JJ would appreciate him bombarding the blonde all that much.

Decidedly John Booker doesn't go after the other. Unmistakably that also proves to be a huge
mistake on his account.

It'd been a mistake letting JJ out of his sight, of letting JJ leave in general. John B knew that
now. Even more so considering it'd been a week since then, a whole week since JJ had
contacted anyone. No one had heard from the blonde since their argument had unfolded.
That is, If you could even call it one, John B doesn't like to call it that. At the end of the day,
they'd done and said way worse to one another and always ended up fine. Labeling it as an
argument just made it sound final, and harder to come back from. In his mind arguments are
what ripped people apart, John B didn't want that to happen to them. He couldn't let that
happen to them.

His refusal of letting JJ part from his life didn't mean John B didn't feel bad for what he'd said
and done. Boy, did he feel fucking bad. The guilt festered deep in his gut for what he'd said,
for how JJ had reacted. To put it lightly after it'd been all said and done and he now had time
to think on it — John B felt like total shit for the whole ordeal.

The terror and worry he'd been feeling didn't magically lessen the more the days went on. It
only doubled, until he found it increasing tenfold.

In JJ's absence, he can't sleep, can't find it in himself to eat properly. He tries...— it just
doesn't seem to stick. Maybe it's because of the terror he feels.

He feels it, he knows he does. John Booker Routledge is fucking terrified.

He's terrified because it's been a week, a week since he'd glimpsed upon his friend's face.
And sure JJ can be petty as all hell when the other wants to be. But not like this, not ever like
this. To the point where the other would stay away this long, John B knows something isn't
right. Practically has a third sense when it comes to his best friend. Maybe that feeling of
overall wrongness, that anonymity he feels is what keeps him up every night. Maybe it's what
has him unable to sleep, never mind the dreams that've begun clouding him. The dreams
filled with JJ's screams, of JJ, his best friend — his brother being beaten within every inch of
the teen's body. All while Luke screams of discipline of how much the sick fuck apparently
loves the teen.

It's no surprise to him that he wakes up screaming, so loudly and agonizingly that his voice
grows hoarse. He screams and screams even once he's certain that he's awake. That from
what he knows JJ isn't on the floor, bloodied and beaten. Still, he screams. He does so simply
to differentiate Luke's shouts he'd heard from his own.

Only when his breath has seemingly run out does John B realize a few things. He sounds,
acts, and is nothing like Luke Maybank. His entire being exists to rival Luke's own.

No, he's nothing like Luke. He cares for JJ, is there for JJ, loves the guy more than anything
else whereas Luke can't say the same. To Luke, JJ is nothing but leverage, leverage for drugs,
money, and booze. Luke Maybank expects JJ to come up with it all, to con people out of the
money, drugs, and booze, and on the off chance that JJ can't? Then his friends made to pay
for it, made to feel like nothing less than the scum on someone's shoe. Nothing less than a
burden.

So no, John B Routledge couldn't be anything further from what Luke Maybank has become,
what JJ's father is. Frankly, he thinks he'd rather someone kill him before the line between
him and Luke ever became blurred.
Because JJ is one of the few things he's ever cared about and he's not letting that go to waste.
JJ isn't a waste to him.

The scent of blood is pungent as John Booker pushes his way through the door. It's thick and
metallic smelling, he lingers there in the doorway a second too long, nose crinkling at the
sharp smell, the feeling of unease increasing. The more he steps into the house the stronger
the smell is. And then it's made perfectly clear why that is,

''Holy shit,'' He curses, feeling physically unable to tear his eyes apart from where they stay
stuck on JJ's form.

JJ lies there, on the dirtied floor, sprawled out in such a way so that only half of the blonde is
revealed to him. Cerulean blue eyes are closed, hidden beneath closed lids. Blood dotting
along the left side of the other's temple. Thick lashes seem to tickle against bruised skin.

There's no response to his earlier comment terrifyingly enough. In desperation, he closes the
distance between them. He drops to his knees beside the kid, uncaring that his knees scrape
against the floor upon doing so, desperation flickers within his gut. There's no movement.
Even as he shakes his best friend there's not a single twitch in the teen's facial expression.

''Fuck, JJ, buddy, hey man, you've gotta' answer me, okay? Answer, JJ...please just let me
know you're okay,''

Nothing. Shit, shit, shit. This wasn't just JJ messing with him, JJ wasn't just going to jump up
and tell him it'd all been one screwed-up joke. His friend couldn't because evidently, Luke
had done actual damage this time. Enough to either knock the blonde unconscious or, or....

Was he too late then? Had he irreversibly screwed up by sending JJ away, straight into the
grasp of Luke Maybank?

''I'm sorry, JJ, I'm sorry, alright, I didn't mean to hurt you. There I said it. Said I was sorry, so
you can wake up now,'' John B rambles, voice gentle. ''Fuck, JJ, please be okay, wake up,''

Nothing. John B's eyes sting, he lowers his head, brunette strands dropping on JJ's skin,
forehead resting against his friends.

''JJ, please,''

Somehow a hand bats at him, John B grins in relief. Raising his forehead away from his
friends to see that the blonde's eyes have cracked open.

''C'lm down m' up,'' JJ's voice slurs.

''Thank fuck you are,'' John B surveys his friend's form, frowning. Before asking a question
he already knows the answer too. ''This all from Luke?''
''Mhm' yea' it is,''

''I'm going to fucking kill him, I mean it this time JJ,'' He commends. ''Where's he at?''

''Leave it alone,''

''I didn't ask if you thought I should drop it or not, I asked where he is, JJ,''

''To hell if I should know,'' JJ enunciated, voice beginning to slur less as JJ fought with its
coherency. ''Probably had enough fun kicking my ass and decided to top it off by drinking
with some friends. Can't we — can we just go home?''

John B freezes at what JJ had said, home. The blonde had never once in JJ's lifetime called
something as such. And yet he and the Chateau had just earned that title. Pride swells in him
at the word alone and John B smiles silently to himself.

''Yeah, yeah, we can do that. Whatever you want, dude,''

''Thanks,'' JJ mumbles, and then, ''Think you were right, you know,''

''What?''

''About this not being love,'' JJ divulges shakily. ''Hah, I wanted for it to be — wanted him to
love me. But I think I finally figured it out, and you were right, man, about it all, really. My
dad doesn't love me,''

''Oh, JJ, man, I'm sorry, I wish I weren't right about it, you should know though,'' He begins,
eyes earnest. ''That I love you a fuck ton,''

''Yeah, I think I know that,''

Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!