2/2/2023

How to Have the Guts to Coach

Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC

www.Covisioning.com

12th Annual Summit ©2022 coaching.com

How to Have the Guts to Coach

Using the Power of Your Presence to Create Breakthrough Moments

With Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC

www.outsmartyourbrain.com
www.Covisioning.com

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The best coaches make us feel

unsure of ourselves.

How do you feel about this statement?

a) Excited b) Scared c) Doubtful d) Confused e) Other

f) All of the above

The Discomfort Zone:

Learning happens in the moment of
uncertainty.

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Why Coaching?

When shrouded in uncertainty and doubt,

people hesitate, even resist, acting.

Marcia Reynolds - Copyright © 2023 All Rights Reserved.

Emotions
overpower the
observing and
thinking mind
especially when we
think we don’t have
control of the
present or future.
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When emotions take over, we

need an external thought
disruptor!

We need someone else to help us

see the stories controlling our
decisions, and then discover
together how to think differently.

Marcia Reynolds - Copyright © 2023 All Rights Reserved.

Coaching helps people

see through the fog of
fear, doubt, and anger.
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When you feel their

hesitation, resistance,
or struggle…

Can you give up being

the fixer and the one
who knows what is
needed in order to be
the coach?

What makes this difficult?

(reflect for a moment before writing)

Give up knowing
Be curious
Believe in their potential
- they are creative,
resourceful and whole.

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Inspire, Engage, and Empower with Coaching Conversations

What makes coaching so “We are what we

powerful? believe. We find what
we go looking for.”
- Rutger Bregman, author of
You can’t just tell people to change Humankind: A Hopeful
History
because their brains keep them safe,
and stuck, in their stories that define:
“Reality is an
Who I am in this situation. illusion, albeit a
How I interpret the present very persistent
one.”
based on my past.
- Albert Einstein,
theoretical physicist

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Our long-term My Identity

memory is a box of
Stories

They must first see their story and

how they define who they are..
My
Then you can coach them to see Stories
a different story - both the
situation and themselves - to
My Reality
make this their new reality.

Marcia Reynolds - Copyright © 2023 All Rights Reserved.

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How Humans Learn

The
Insight-Based
world
Learning
(not fact- or fear-based)
My
rules EGO Beliefs happens at the “aha”
moment of breakthrough.

Who I
am Coaching Expands
Perspective and
Rewires the Brain

From Coach the Person, Not the Problem by Marcia Reynolds

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Summarizing what is
expressed and asking curious
questions disrupts thinking Courageous
patterns, prompting them to Coaching
look inside their stories…

…even though they have

avoided this exploration.

Marcia Reynolds - Copyright © 2023 All Rights Reserved.

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We Coach Them to See Their Thinking

We reflect what we see, hear,
notice, and sense so clients stop and
think about their thinking, even if it
feels uncomfortable.
“So, you are saying…”
“You got quiet (or loud) when…” or
“I notice your hesitation…”

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Hear their story and…

1. Recap key descriptor words they stress or repeat.

Ask what these words mean to them or their
desired outcome. Be sure you know what they
mean before you move on!

2. Offer observations of emotional and energy shifts,

including gestures like looking down or away,
volume of voice, pausing mid-sentence, and
nervous laughter. Use silence as they think.

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Emotions indicate there is

something else to be said.
Stay curious and open to their
responses.

You aren’t there to help them

feel better…
You coach them to see better.

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The most difficult times in our lives come from transitioning

from one version of ourselves to another.

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The Discomfort Zone:

Learning happens in the moment of uncertainty,
when what is known transforms.

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The Discomfort Zone:

The best coaches make us feel unsure
of ourselves.

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Courageous Coaching

Their discomfort ranges from

slight to profound; their
emotions will subside if you
compassionately and silently
allow the process to transpire.

Don’t fix, sympathize, or

backtrack.

©2021 Pyramid Resource Group

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When you don’t allow the full processing of emotions,

you deny people a piece of their humanity.
Coaching = a safe place where people
can fully be themselves and through
conversation, discover new ways to
achieve their desired outcomes.

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Courageous Coaching

Courageously
hold the space
for the
breakthrough
process to
unfold.

©2021 Pyramid Resource Group

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Courageous Coaching

Then you can ask if they would be willing to

share what is now on their mind.

Be curious – what is coming up for you now?

What are you seeing? What is occurring to
you? What is beginning to take shape?

©2021 Pyramid Resource Group

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How do you react when someone

is uncomfortable, confused, or
angry?
Do you do or say
something to ease their
pain?

Do you anxiously back

off, not sure what to say
or do?

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Typical Reactions to Their Emotions

You rush in and try to make the person

feel better, calm down, or not worry, or

You sit there awkwardly, trying to figure

out what you should do. You may offer a
suggestion or change the subject.

Even if you go back to coaching, your

energy could weaken trust and safety.

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The Most Important Factor: Maintain Safety and Trust

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Holding a safe space for

Three exploration….
Mental Habits
Choose Your Emotions
Creating connection
Align your nervous system
requires a deepening
of presence, not the Catch and release judgment
perfection of skills.

BC 2020 with Marcia Reynolds - Copyright © 2020. All Rights Reserved.

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#1 Choosing Your Emotional State

It’s not about stopping your

reactive brain……
Open Nervous System
It’s what
Emotional you choose to do after your
Choice
Belief inbrain reacts that disturbs or
Potential
maintains presence.

© Covisioning 2019

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Where do
you feel your
emotions?
If you can locate a specific point of
tightness, you will free yourself
when you release it.

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Emotional Intelligence

Notice Feelings Discover the Source Choose

What
To return to being present in teaching.
To Feel Next

The skills is to quickly choose and shift.

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Emotional Intelligence = Choice

CHOOSE

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Shifting Your Emotions

Before and In Your Coaching

Recognize Points of Tightness

Breathe and Release the Tension
Ground Yourself in the Present
Focus on What You Want to Feel
Compassionately Curious?
Calm and Courageous?
What else works for you?

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Listening for Source

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Second, Choose How You Want to Feel

Emotional Intelligence = Choice

3 Times a Day – Notice what you are

feeling, choose to shift if you want to.

Do this for 2-3 weeks to wire your brain

for increased self-awareness.
To return to being present in teaching.

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©2013 Pyramid Resource Group

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Curiosity
(brain)

How does your

presence create trust Compassion
and safety? (heart)

Mental Habit #2
Open Nervous System Courage
= Full Body Presence (gut)

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Mental Habit #3
Catch and Release

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Right

This will
turn out
badly

Are you willing to stop and

observe this process?
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Third, Catch and Release Your Judgment

To maintain Psychological Safety, they can’t

fear they will be judged. Even if you don’t reveal
your opinion, they will still experience a block in
your energy flow.

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Where do
you feel your
judgement?
If you can locate the point of
tightness where you tend to feel a
judgmental reaction, you can free
your mind of your biases, needs,
and impulses. Then you can
return to feeling compassionately
curious.
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When you feel like provoking,

convincing, or telling them
what to do based on your
experience…

“…return to a state of
presence that says,
I am here for you.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh,

Buddhist teacher and
peace activist

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Partnering = Presence

Mastery is a deepening of
presence, not the perfection of
skill.

They want you to be present,

not perfect.

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What questions do you have?

How to Have the Guts to Coach

Using the Power of Your Presence to Create Breakthrough
Moments

With Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC

Thank You!!!

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The End
Thank you

©2022 coaching.com

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