Dancing, among all other forms of art, is my weakness. I was never good at dancing.

One of the reasons

why I'm not good at dancing is because I wasn't exposed in music at a very young age. It was further
worsened by the fact that I wasn't exposed to anything physically stimulating. Later on, through
personal research, I found out that I have some form of performance anxiety which not only includes
dancing, but also in doing projects, singing, playing instruments, public speaking, doing math, and
anything that requires me to do as well as other people or to perform for other people. It's like I have
this internalized fear of failure. It makes school - and life in general - difficult.

To tell you the truth, I actually attempted to learn how to dance even before the activity was given
because I know that it will be very challenging for a person like me, but it didn't work in the end. Still, I
tried teaching myself once more. After the activity was announced, I searched what were some
respectably 'complicated' dance choreographies I could manage to perform and I found one that was
easy enough for me to handle, and also a bit out of my comfort zone. At first, practicing was tedious. I
tried to ask myself if I could see myself as mastering the steps that are complicated for me at that time
and I felt could, because I knew I would. I knew that I can will myself into doing things I think I can't do
when the motivation behind it is renewed confidence and new experiences. Knowing how to dance on
my own was something I haven't done yet, and I only ever measured my skills in dancing to the standard
of the group dancing. When I was dancing with other people, I felt anxious and insecure because I was
the worst dancer in every groups; I oftentimes forgot the steps, and can't immediately absorb what I just
learned, plus, I get rattled when I'm pressured by how the other dancers are a hundred times better
than me at dancing, as I saw them performing with grace. Time was also a crucial pressure cooker at
those times. Yet, I didn't have to worry about those things anymore because I will be doing it on my
own.

Eventually, I mastered the steps. The problem was then, because I practiced too many times (an also
adding the fact that I was sick while practicing), I was only doing the steps, but not dancing. I felt that
there was no grace in my movement, and that I looked awful like a robot. Plus, I was also annoyed about
the fact that I was too skinny on camera that it looked like I was a skeleton puppet. I also did not know
how to do facial expressions. I'm not the type that can fake expressions easily even when I don't want
to. I felt uncomfortable how my face should look while I dance. You see, dancing is always going to be
connected with emotions, and if I don't feel like smiling, then I can't fake it, because I know it will be
obvious. How would an insecure person fake a smile while doing something she is bad at? It really
bothered me mentally and emotionally. My insecurities went high at the last minute when it was already
the deadline. My outfit was awful because in my first video, I was wearing only black t-shirt and cycling
shorts, which made me look skinnier than I should, and it did nothing to lift my confidence. Instead I was
more anxious. So, I tried a couple more times and changed my outfit. But I was tired. So, I went to bed,
thinking that I can never pass a respectable video of myself while dancing, and I should just stick to the
old video, even if I'll make a fool of myself. But after I rested, I was feeling better and my emotions are
regulated, so I recorded another video, and this time, I really tried what is best in my terms and
recorded a passable video. I said deep inside, "FINALLY! Thank you Lord I'm done! I won't ever dance
again." The last statement is probably not true but at that time, all that mattered was that I had to pass
on time, and I did.
All in all, the physical and mental training I subjected myself into led me to not only perform a successful
video, but also to feel good about myself. It reminds me that I'm still young, and when you're young,
there is still room for spontaneity and creativity, and I am always going to encounter change. Dancing
made me realize that, maybe the standards of others in terms of practice was not something I was good
at meeting, but the standards that I put myself was reachable, and I can always learn how to dance, by
practicing it in my own way.