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Sexual Performance anxiety

Porn Can Change & Rewire Your

Brain
Porn happens to be fantastic at forming new, long-lasting pathways

in the brain. Believe it or not, studies show that those of us who

make more frequent use of pornography have brains that are less

connected, less active, and even smaller in some areas. Thanks to

modern science, now we know that the brain goes on changing

throughout life, constantly rewiring itself and laying down new

nerve connections, and that this is particularly true in our youth.

There’s some pretty fierce competition between brain pathways, and

those that don’t get used enough will likely be replaced. Use it or
lose it, as they say. Only the strong survive.
That’s where porn comes in.

Porn is such a ferocious competitor that hardly any other activity can

compete with it, including actual sex with a real partner. That’s right,

porn can actually overpower your brain’s natural ability to have real
sex! Why? As Dr. Norman Doidge, a researcher at Columbia
University, explains, porn creates the the perfect conditions and

triggers the release of the right chemicals to make lasting changes in

your brain.

Doctors are seeing an epidemic of

young men who, because of their
porn use, can’t get an erection with
a real, live partner.
Study after study has shown that porn is directly related to problems
with arousal, attraction, and sexual performance. Porn leads to less
sex and to less sexual satisfaction within a relationship. Researchers
have shown a strong connection between porn use and low sex
drive, erectile dysfunction, and trouble reaching orgasm. Many
frequent porn users reach a point where they have an easier time
getting aroused by Internet porn than by having actual sex with a
real partner. One recent study even concluded that porn use was
likely the reason for low sexual desire among a random sample of
high school seniors. Who ever heard of that? Low sexual desire
among high school seniors!

This trend of sex problems is especially serious for teens and young

adults. Their brains are particularly vulnerable to being rewired by

porn, and they are in a period where they are forming crucial

attitudes, preferences, and expectations for their future.

What is NoFap?
In short, the word “Fap” is onomatopoeia. That is, it’s the written

sound of masturbating. NoFap, however, refers to a website which

hosts NoFap challenges for the sake of dumping the porn addiction

for a better, healthier and all-around happier sex life. Really what
NoFap aims at doing is to assist you, through their programs, to

keep the spark of great sex alive with any romantic encounter you

have.

To be 100% clear, NoFap does not encourage indefinite abstinence

from masturbation or sex, quite the opposite. The NoFap challenge
was designed to ensure that you are able to experience a deeper
connection with a deeper sense of intimacy with your partner by
eliminating the need for porn or PMO (Porn and Masturbation to
Orgasm). It aims at re-wiring one’s brain, which has, over time and
exposure to hard porn habits, become so dependent on the
stimulation that porn provides. This means that you get to decide
where to set the balance after your NoFap challenge is finished. But
if you choose to abstain because you know it may lead to a relapse,
then you can choose to do so, as many others have done too.

Cue the scores of comments about how non-release is bad for you
and you stand at risk of contracting prostate cancer if you do not
release yourself. It’s absolutely true that studies have shown that
release can be extremely good for your health. But note that the
emphasis is on release and not self-release.
Many a time a porn addiction can get in the way of building good

relationships, and can lead to dependency. And that is the focus for

the NoFap challenges: kicking the PMO habit.

As the NoFap movement has grown, there’s been a notable variety

of benefits reported by the fapstronauts themselves. For some, the

effects are astronomical, for others the benefits are minimal but

long-lasting. Whatever the case, if you are dedicated to “rewiring

and rebooting” you should have success and see positive results.

Here’s a quick list of some of the

benefits of taking on the NoFap
challenge

Increase in Confidence

Many fapstronauts have noted an increase in confidence when

approaching women and that they no longer felt awkward when
talking to them. Some even mentioned that their confidence has
improved overall thanks because they no longer have to hide
something they were initially ashamed of. This brings us to the next
point…

Social life improves

Not everyone factors this as a major improvement, however there
were a large number of people who did mention that social
situations which had been the cause of anxiety pre-NoFap challenge
were now actually quite enjoyable and exciting after doing the 90
days. Some even saw immediate differences after just a few days.
This could be a huge part or be the direct result of the next point…

General and Sexual Anxiety dissipates

Porn really puts a limit on your ideas of healthy social interactions

and expectations. It causes objectification of women, even if we
don’t mean for it to happen. Everything in a porn movie is just…so…
easy. The expectations put huge amounts of strain on a person to
perform well sexually and if this doesn’t happen, well, then you
could start developing serious anxiety. Thankfully, as many
fapstronauts have confirmed, all of this can be reversed with a zero
PMO period.

Motivation and inspiration increases

So many men have made mention that their desire to talk to women
and initiate flirting has increased exponentially after taking the
challenge. Possibly the best part of it all is that flirting seems to
happen more spontaneously and easier for many of the men who
mentioned motivation as one of their biggest NoFap benefits.
However, this motivation is not only isolated to flirting with women,
it’s a general motivation which increased the drive to take on
projects or situations and be productive in them for longer periods of
time.
 Respect

Many feel that they are now receiving more respect from men and
women alike. This may have something to do with the increased
confidence, but it could also have something to do with the increase
in testosterone, which is suggested to increase after the seventh day
of the challenge.

Enhanced connections

To really appreciate your partner during sex, you have to put aside
what you’re thinking of and rather experience her than the sex. The
fact that the 90-day period enhances your connection to women,
and other people is one of the more mentioned benefits along with
some of the physical benefits like being more present during sex,
enjoying it much more and experiencing quicker arousal that was
more pleasurable than the arousal received from porn. The more
pleasurable arousal makes for a more pleasurable release.

Deeper emotions

Not as common on the thread, but still common enough to mention

is the fact that there were many who listed deeper, clearer emotions
as a benefit.
Among those deeper emotions were:
Less frenzied interactions with people, but also a less frenzied
interaction with the self.

A clearer mind, which meant clearer reactions to situations

a greater capacity for compassion, empathy and care.

A sense of calm throughout the day.

Some of the physical benefits:

Again, these are benefits that Reddit users themselves have

mentioned throughout the NoFap threads.

More energy to tackle new experiences and finish old projects

Clear(er) skin
Harder erections
More pleasurable sex
PIED eradication
Increased strength and endurance when it comes to physical
activities
Mental clarity as opposed to the brain fog pre NoFap challenge

To really gain from the full spectrum of benefits, it’s suggested to

stick to the challenge 100%. Not easy, for sure, but perhaps it helps
to remember that your goal is not to abstain from fapping
indefinitely. Your goal is to re-wire your brain in order to keep your
focus on the connection and intimacy of being with another person
and experiencing real euphoria as opposed to experiencing a
temporary rush of dopamine that’s not rooted in reality (and leaves
some feeling guilty).

Boosting Your Sex Drive

Some of you may not need this section, however if you have
problems with this, you will most likely need to get this settled
before you can start any of the other exercises. I know some people
that, even in their sixties and sometimes seventies, still feel the need
to ejaculate every day. Then I know people like me, who in his early
twenties, almost completely lost the urge to have sex. Scary, huh?
But this advice could work for anyone who is starting to see a
decrease in libido (sex drive). If you notice your sex drive has
decreased or disappeared, mixed with feelings of weakness and
depression, you might have a decreased testosterone level. Certain
other things may cause a lack of sex drive, including lack of sleep,
medication, disease, or being out of shape. Too much stress also
reduces sex drive. Stress increases the stress hormone, known as
cortisol, which in excess causes your body to turn into fight-or-flight
mode. After a little while of this, your testosterone levels plummet.
Get some exercise (cardio or weight training); it is a good form of
overcoming stress and depression. Meditation is very useful to help
clean up your mind, which in turn makes your body feel better,
reduces cortisol, and indirectly works to improve your sex drive.

Alcohol lowers sex drive as well, and it is a cumulative effect. Lots

of alcohol over a period of time can literally demolish a sex drive.
Now remember, every body is different. While some people aren’t
affected at all by the above causes, just a couple of drinks are
enough to destroy another person's urge and ability to have sex.
The good news is with some rehab and cleansing, your drive will
return to normal. Try to limit the nights you go out binge drinking.

Smoking marijuana has been found to reduce your testosterone

levels for up to 24 hours after smoking, but your levels return to
normal after that 24 hour period.
Massaging your testicles daily in the shower is a good way to keep
your testosterone producing factories in top shape. This does not
require any specific technique; just warm your testicles under the
hot water, and gently massage each one between your fingers…
every once in a while, grab the skin between the testicles and pull
down or out slightly and hold. Switch back and forth between
massaging and pulling. Two to three minutes is good enough.
Weightlifting, with heavy weights, gives you a major boost to your
testosterone levels and sex drive. It has to be heavy weights (in
relation to how much you can lift), like weight where you can only
do 6 or 7 repetitions. Do a few sets of these, and you will feel the
effects immediately (make sure to warm up with lighter weight, of
course). The muscle groups that produce the most testosterone
when worked out are the chest, back and legs. Different bench
press workouts and squats are highly recommended. Build some
muscle in your glutes and quads, and you’ll literally have a
testosterone storage built down there.

Make sure not to work out the same muscle groups one day after
the other; like don’t work out quads two days in a row. Not giving
your muscles enough time to rest leads to overtraining, and
overtraining will significantly reduce your testosterone levels.

You want to make sure to eat about two hours before you workout.
You can’t work out while hungry, but you can’t be digesting either.
Digestion takes energy, and so does lifting weights. If you workout
too soon after eating, you will be digesting at the same time as
working out, and you will do both processes less efficiently. This can
also lead to overtraining. Eat meals with a healthy portion of
carbohydrates, protein, and make sure to throw in some fruits and
vegetables.

Drink lots of water, breathe well, and take sufficient breaks between
workouts. This oxygen increase is good for muscle growth, and
prevents overtraining.

You also want to eat as soon after working out as possible. These
don’t have to be big meals, but you do need to “feed” your muscles.

In order to best burn fat and gain muscle, you actually want to eat
more, contrary to what you may be thinking. While you don’t
exactly want to eat a larger portion of food, you do want to eat more
meals. Four or five smaller meals evenly spread out through the day
is better than a large breakfast, lunch and dinner. This keeps your
metabolism going.
Another positive aspect of weightlifting: the more muscle you have
present on your body, the faster you actually burn fat. This can
become a positive cycle, and besides looking and feeling better, this
will lead to a much stronger sex drive.

Push-ups are great as well. They work to strengthen your upper

body, and can increase the muscle mass in your torso. This
increased muscle mass can improve your testosterone production.
While it is no replacement for weight training, it is a good
compliment to it. Remember not to work out the same muscle
group every day, so take a rest day between push-up workouts. Try
and push your limits. I started out doing 40 pushups, and I have
now gotten to 80…in a relatively short amount of time. I feel much
stronger, larger, and more solid, and have noted an increase in sex
drive since adding these to my workout.

Aerobic exercises are good for getting your blood circulation going,
which helps for overall health and erection quality, and increasing
your endurance, but don’t overdo it. Too much can actually have
the opposite effect, a decrease in testosterone. Also having a lot of
fat around the stomach can cause a higher production of estrogen.
However, the workouts can counteract that effect.

A great supplement for testosterone production is “ZMA”. It contains

Zinc, Monomethionine Aspartate, Magnesium Aspartate and vitamin
B. After I had taken it for a couple of weeks, it gave me a crazy
boost in sex drive. I also lifted crazy amounts of weight thanks to
this. I weigh about 155 pounds and I managed to lift 275 lbs one
time by myself in bench press, without any help from a spot. As a
side effect it also helps facilitate sleep.

As I mentioned, lack of sleep has a diminishing effect on sex drive as

well. It also raises your Cortisol levels. If you are having problems
sleeping: reduce your stress, eat better, get some exposure to
sunlight for natural Vitamin D, which produces melatonin (your
sleepy hormone), make sure to exercise (no more than two hours
before sleeping), and cut out the TV at least an hour before
sleeping. Sleep is essential to sex drive! If you are still having
problems, please visit your doctor.

Exposure to sun has also been shown to regulate the brain’s

production of testosterone, so try and get some sun every day.
Remember to wear sunscreen; you do not want the premature skin
aging that comes with excessive sun exposure
Sun exposure to your back and directly to your genitals (strange, I
know, but it’s been tested) has been shown to boost your
testosterone the most. Direct sunlight exposure to the genitals has
been shown to increase testosterone by up to 200% in some
cases. Flaxseed oil in capsule form is great as well. Barry Bonds
claims he took this, trying to cover up his steroid use. That’s how
powerful this stuff is. It contains Omega-3 fatty acids, which is
pretty much only found in certain fish and nuts, but is necessary for
brain function, testosterone production and carrying estrogen out of
the body. Fish Oil is another complimentary fatty acid to the
Flaxseed Oil. I take a couple of these a day, and they tend to have a
calming effect on the mind, as well as helping out significantly with
the sex drive and workouts. Make sure to buy Flaxseed Oil, and not
just Flaxseeds, which somehow have been shown to actually reduce
testosterone (not sure how that works out).

Two natural herbs that are known to naturally boost testosterone

function are Tribulus Terrestris, and Tongkat Ali, the Malaysian
Ginseng. There are many “libido enhancing” herbs out there, but
these two have been shown in studies to boost testosterone and
libido, and they have minimal side effects, if any. Tongkat Ali may
cause insomnia due to the fact that it’s a stimulant, so it’s best to
take it in the mornings. Swanson is a reliable brand for these
natural libido enhancers, and for a very affordable price.

Although it would be great to take all of these supplements, it is not

necessary and in some cases may be too much. You should take
only one out of the following three: Tongkat Ali, Tribuls Terrestris, or
ZMA. Flaxseed can compliment any one of these. They are all
conveniently available for purchase on www.amazon.com.
As mentioned, nuts and fish have those fatty acids which are
beneficial. Also, green vegetables like broccoli, and especially
lettuce, boost production of testosterone, and therefore sex drive.

As a matter of fact, you may want to increase your levels of fat

intake just a bit. Eat that bag of tortilla chips, or order that bacon
on your sandwich. To produce an appropriate amount of
testosterone, 30% of your daily intake should be fats. Be careful to
regulate this though; don’t overdo it to where you are accumulating
stomach fat. Stomach fat=bad for testosterone. I know, it’s harder
said than done sometimes.

Overcoming Sexual Performance

Anxiety

I just remember it like it was yesterday. My friend Ariel and I took

these two girls out, Tiffany and Gabriella . The night started off a

little boring, sitting around on the beach, drinking some beers; a

little awkward. After some loosening up, things turned out for the
better. I came up with the idea of going to the hot tub by Ariels’

apartment, and the girls were all for it. By this time, Tiffany and I
had already made out, and were flirting heavily. We got to the hot

tub, and we all stripped down to our underwear, and got in. Man,
this girl was looking good. She had some big breasts and a sexy
face. She was on top of my penis, and I was noticing that it

wouldn’t get really hard.

So I started worrying, I started putting pressure on the situation. I
wanted to change environments, so we went to my car. In the
backseat of my car, still nothing happened. My penis was at like 15
percent hard, and it was embarrassing. She was a cool chick, so she
was understanding and mentioned that I probably smoked to many
cigarettes, and that happens. I also started thinking maybe it was
the alcohol that wouldn’t let me get an erection. So we tried it
again on a later date at her house. This time the pressure was
really on. No drinking, no smoking; I still didn’t get hard. So we
tried it at my place and the same situation occurred. In a fit of
desperation I even went to the gas station and bought some red bull
and took a couple of ginseng vials...nothing. I gave up,
embarrassed, and worried that I may have had an erectile
dysfunction. Meanwhile I went back to an ex-girlfriend that I was
comfortable with, and I saw my erection worked like magic. No
problem at all. So I established that it was psychological...all in my
head. This problem is known as sexual performance anxiety. And
with some research to help the situation, I came across the following
advice: Do not worry about the erection; do not even think about it.
Instead just concentrate on getting horny, as horny as possible. If
you like tits, play with her tits, suck on them, do whatever. Act like
you are watching a porno and no one is watching. Concentrate on
what makes you horniest, just get that strong horny feeling, and the
erection will come along without a problem, on its own. Become a
freak…think nasty thoughts like no one knows…perverted thoughts;
whatever gets you going.

Think about this: the woman you are sharing this sexual experience
with has accepted you completely. For her to open herself up to you
to the point where she will have sex with you, she is giving herself
completely to you. She wants to.
be the reason that you have an orgasm…as a matter of fact, she
wants to be the cause of your orgasm, and wants to share in the
ultimate pleasure with you.

When you are home alone watching a porno, I’m pretty sure you can
get yourself very horny. Most likely, when you are going to
masturbate till orgasm, you are able to easily achieve an erection,
because you know what’s coming. Well, you need to look at your
sexual partner like she is your porno. Relax, enjoy her, and know
that she wants to be the reason that you orgasm…begin to view sex
like this.

Also, don’t lie to yourself…admit that you are a little scared, and
accept it; it will be easier to work with. If you act like you are all
calm and under control, you are lying to yourself, and your mind and
body are not working with each other. Admit that you are nervous,
but know that you are going to work with yourself to overcome it.
Don’t judge yourself harshly for what you are feeling; it is natural to
be anxious in these types of situations.

Another thing that can help you overcome this sexual anxiety is to
become as comfortable with your partner as possible….don’t worry
about your “performance”, just connect with your partner, and you
will feel more comfortable…feeling comfortable is a prerequisite for
proper erections. If you are on a real comfortable conversation level
with her, and easily communicate your thoughts, tell her the truth:
you get a little nervous with new sexual partners, and sometimes
run into some difficulties at first, but always get over it. If she really
likes you, she’ll probably find you cute for this.
If you are not on a comfortable conversation level with your partner,
then you need to learn how to…this is important for more than just
sex, this is important for your overall relationship.
Have fun with sex…add some humor to the situation…this can help
“take the edge off”. Almost every guy I know has been through this
situation at least once. Don’t put any pressure on the situation, just
relax, TAKE YOUR TIME, have fun, and get as horny as you’d like.
The erection will come along. Then after you have sex a couple of
times with this partner, you will be much more comfortable with her,
and your penis will come along much easier from then on.
Know that this performance anxiety will disappear in time, as you
continue having sex with this same partner, especially after you
achieve your first orgasm with her. Psychologically and
physiologically you will feel that she is the provider of your orgasm,
which will cause you to get aroused and achieve erections much
quicker. Sometimes it’s better just to have a quickie with her to get
this first time out of the way, and then as you get more comfortable
with her, you can start concentrating on your technique, lasting
longer, making her orgasm, etc.

Excessive alcohol can also very well kill an erection. You should
know that, if you haven’t learned that by now.

Erection Strengthening Exercises

Sometimes a mans erection can just be weak, even if their
psychological arousal is working correctly. This could be caused by a
weak Pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. Some people call it a BC Muscle.
When you work it out, it’s called a Kegal or PC squeeze. This is the
muscle responsible for achieving hard erections, and maintaining
them, and also the muscle that is used in the Male Multiple Orgasm
process. When used properly, it can also work to delay ejaculation.
It is even recommended by doctors to older men, in order to help
them bring back their erections. In order to do a kegal, you need
to locate the PC muscle. You can find it while peeing. In the middle
of peeing, stop the stream of piss. The muscle used to stop the
stream is the PC. Now without peeing try to pull it up/flex it
internally. If you do it a few times you might actually start feeling it
tense up. It might actually feel like you are working it out. Put your
finger right behind your testicles and do a kegal …if you do it right
you will feel this area slightly raise or tense up.
Another way to find it is, get an erection, and while hard, move your
penis up and down with this muscle. This is the PC muscle. You can
drape a towel over the erect penis, or something else, in order to
add weight to it. Then flex the penis while it has the weight. Do
this repeatedly. Of utmost importance: Learn to target only the PC
muscle. You may feel your buttocks and abs getting involved…learn
to separate it. If you need to, at first, tense and relax your abs like
twenty times, and do the same with your butt. Then they will be too
tired and not get in the way of your kegals.
For beginners, do three or four sets a day. Do twenty quick
squeezes and releases in each set. After doing this for four weeks,
your PC muscle should be
very strong. Then learn to squeeze and hold the squeeze for 15 to
20 seconds before gradually releasing. Do 10 to 15 of these long
squeezes a day, every day…shoot, for the rest of your life if
possible. Take a couple of days of every week, but keep it up for the
benefits.
Before you know it, you will have developed a powerful muscle that
will give you and help maintain powerful, rock hard erections, and
with a technique defined later, delay ejaculation as well. When you
get good, you can start doing them in random places, like at work or
at a red light. Nobody can tell but you. When you work it out
enough, it will grow like any other muscle, and the base of your
penis should look thicker, and you should be getting more frequent
and harder erections. Also many people lose their morning erection
as they get older. This will bring it back.
The penis enlargement exercises below will also greatly contribute to
strengthening your erection.

This is a good exercise to really strengthen your erection, and as a

side benefit, it’ll help you increase your libido.
First, warm up your PC muscle with about 20 quick squeezes. Make
sure you are in a calm environment, and that you have no rush or
anxiety. Breathe well, and put no pressure on the situation.
Then you want to tense your PC muscle and hold it down. Continue
holding it down hard, and begin to visualize something that highly
arouses you. If you need to remember some erotic stimuli that
really gets you going, go ahead.
Continue squeezing your PC muscle as hard as you can, and feel the
slightly pleasurable feeling that this squeeze provides deep in your
body. Make this pleasurable feeling grow, and hold down the PC
until you begin to see your penis grow.
The idea behind this exercise is to hold your PC muscle for so long,
and so hard, that you’re penis becomes erect. It may be difficult to
get a complete erection, but even a partial one is a good start. If
you need to throw in some pornography to really get you going, you
can, but try to use your imagination alone to create the arousal.

Do not use your hands to stimulate your penis, just hold the PC until
an erection, or partial erection comes around. Keep on practicing
until you can achieve a full erection with squeezing your PC muscle
alone.

This exercise will really boost your erection strength.

Ejaculation Control
It’s been shown that the majority of adolescents and young adults
experience early ejaculation, and a large percentage of men
experience ejaculation problems throughout their lifetime. It has
also been shown that most of these cases are due to basic skills that
men lack regarding their physiological ejaculation response.

First and foremost, if you have not ejaculated in a few days, the
semen will have built up, and this will most likely cause you to
ejaculate quickly. That’s why people give the advice to ejaculate an
hour before intercourse, in order to not be over-excited. This is
fairly common knowledge. But I personally do not like to ejaculate
an hour before intercourse. For me that removes most of the
excitement. However, do try and release a few times a week.

When I first started having sex, I had the ability to ejaculate, and
achieve an erection right afterwards. Like quick intercourse, then
ejaculation. Five minutes later; quick intercourse, then ejaculation.
Then a few minutes later; bam, bam, bam; ejaculate. Usually by
three ejaculations I was done.

However, as I’ve grown older, the time period between ejaculation,

and the ability to get hard again, called the refractory period, has
extended to a longer period of time than before. Sometimes it can
take an hour or more before I can get hard again, and usually I
don’t really feel like having sex that much again anyway. Some
people experience this “down time” earlier in life, others start to
experience it later. Some people can’t even get hard again for a day
or two after an ejaculation.
The exercises I’m about to describe are great for building stamina,
and for putting more confidence in yourself and your penis. Make
sure you are in a completely calm environment, and there are no
distractions. You want nobody home, lights off, phone off, TV off,
comfortable temperature, no stress in mind.

First and foremost, you need to work on getting over the fear of
being alone with your sexuality. Experiment with the mentality that
you are getting to know your sexual side, and you are becoming
comfortable with it. Become friends with your penis and your
sexuality. This is not a foreign part of you; these are natural urges
around since the beginning of mankind.

You also want to observe your levels of anxiety. Mentally view your
anxiety levels, and keep them under control. Keep a close eye on
them, they’re tricky…sometimes they’ll go up and you won’t notice.
Keep them down. You may want to strengthen your concentration
for this…more on that later.

One fear that most people have during sex is that they are going to
lose their erection, and NOT be able to get it back. You need to
remove this fear. This is something that will be eating away at your
subconscious, many times causing you to pump away anxiously and
quickly, in order to keep your erection (which you are in no danger
of losing anyway).

You need to first see how easily you can gain, lose, and then regain
your erection in order to feel comfortable and gain your confidence
in this. Throughout this whole exercise, remember to stay mentally
relaxed.
Now for the first exercise: play around with your genitals until you
achieve an erection. Do not use any mental erotic/sexual
stimulation, just play around with your penis and testicles in a
manner that pleases you physically. You should achieve an erection
within a matter of minutes.

After gaining this erection, play with it for a minute, then let it
subside (lose the erection). Do not touch it until it goes back
completely to your normal flaccid state. Once soft, play with it again
until you get your erection back. This time it should actually return
faster than when you first tried. Lose it and regain it as many times
as you want. This should give you some confidence to slow down
more during intercourse, and not rush away to try and “maintain”
your erection.

You may have lost an erection before during intercourse, and not
gained it back. This was most likely due to fear, anxiety, and putting
too much pressure on it. Do not race against your erection!

As a matter of fact, you want to try and remove all negativities from
your mind, at least while you are having sex. Some doctors say that
stress and anxiety are some of the main causes of premature
ejaculation. Try to stand back and observe your thoughts while
performing these exercises, and during actual intercourse. Notice
those feelings of anxiety, fear, worry, and guilt, and keep them under
control (this IS possible; in everyday life as well). Remove these
negativities from your thoughts, and you’ll be left with nothing but
calm and peace.

There may be built up feelings of embarrassment and guilt that have

accumulated over the years, and they may very well be enough to
trigger the urge to ejaculate. This particular part may be very
difficult at first, but in time, gets easier and more effective. Be easy
on yourself. Once again, please see the section below about
improving concentration.

Now for exercise two: without porno, or sexual thoughts or any

other exciting elements, gain an erection and begin to masturbate.
Your goal is not orgasm/ejaculation; it is longevity. Do not let
erotic/horny thoughts enter your mind. Start off slow, and then
raise the speed of stimulation, slow down if you have to…you’ll see
after a couple of sessions you’ll be able to go fast and the urge to
ejaculate doesn’t come up, as long as you remain mentally calm and
don’t concentrate on your arousal.

However, note that you need to keep your brain under control.
Remember the words “ejaculation control” while you perform this
exercise…you are in control over your ejaculation.

You need to “concentrate on your relaxation”. It sounds difficult, but

after a few solo sessions, you should get the hang of it. You need to
monitor, and control, your relaxation levels in your brain, and the PC
muscle/genital/pelvis area. Don’t let your brain wander, and don’t
let it start concentrating on arousing thoughts.

Also mentally monitor the levels of pleasurable sensations in your PC

muscles, testicles, butt, penis, and the whole area…make sure not to
get lost in the pleasurable sensations. Keep your brain tight, and
control what you concentrate on…the whole time!
If you lose control over your mind, you lose control over your
sensations and arousal levels, and you therefore lose control over
your ejaculation.

You also want to rethink the way you look at sex. Mentally retrain
yourself. One of the reasons you may be ejaculating quickly is that
you are concentrating on the orgasm. You have grown up with the
equation sex=orgasm. Even if you are trying not to think about the
orgasm, you still have it in your subconscious. Forget about orgasm
altogether. Retrain yourself to be a lover who lengthens the
intercourse. Say to yourself, “I have ejaculation control”, and
therefore your goal is for long intercourse…orgasm isn’t part of
you….just extend intercourse, the middle stage between arousal and
orgasm.

It might not be easy to keep up this high level of concentration the

whole time, but this is where patience and practice must come in.
You need to develop patience. It’s not going to happen overnight,
but you must retrain your way of thinking about time. Half an hour
having intercourse feels like an eternity, but with some patience, and
your new skills, you will make it, for your own pleasure, and the
pleasure of your partner.

Develop patience…no speeding to the end….extend the middle stage

(intercourse) and stay FAR AWAY from the end…put that in your
mind.

After becoming comfortable with yourself and the situation a couple

of times, you will most likely be able to last a pretty long time. Try
and do this for twenty minutes to half an hour (read the Key Pointers
below for some more technical info on how to physically last the 20-
30 minutes). Reward yourself with an ejaculation at the end of the
session if you’d like.

This exercise/experiment will help show you that ejaculation control

is mostly in the mind. The only thing making you ejaculate is your
over-excitement, your negative feelings, and where you concentrate
your energy.

You do not want to dwell for too long on erotic thoughts and stimuli
that highly arouse you. For instance, if you like nipples, and they
turn you on very much, during intercourse, don’t look or think about
her nipples for too long. This might sound like common sense, but
you might not even notice that your brain may begin to zero in on
these arousing images, and then your concentration can spiral out of
control and into another premature ejaculation.

Keep your mind calm and at ease, concentrate on keeping it clear

and relaxed, and do not lose control and start focusing on erotic
noises, thoughts, and visuals…be strong here! You have the job of
being a man and satisfying your lady…enjoy it, but take it seriously.

Notice that what arouses you most about these erotic images is your
fantasy about the breasts/ass/vagina, and not so much the actual
breasts/ass/vagina themselves. Your fantasy is more arousing than
reality, and while extremely fun to play with this fantasy when you
are planning on ejaculating, it is a bad idea to get caught up in it
when you are trying to perform for longer periods of time. Get back
to reality.
Realize that while these female body parts are beautiful, they are
not the cause of you losing control…your fantasies about these parts
are. If you need to, look at erotic stimuli like porno, and desensitize
your eyes a little to breasts, ass and vagina…realize how after an
ejaculation these body parts don’t have quite the same mental effect
on you.

Now, it’s going to be more difficult to do this while with a girl, but
with time, practice, and strengthening of your concentration, you will
gain that confidence. You will have confidence in your penis,
knowing that it can be stimulated indefinitely, as long as your mind
is right. That is why solo training is important…consider it like your
training wheels when you were learning to ride a bike.

your breathing speeds up…intentionally slow it down, and take

control of it, and you will stay further away from orgasm. Once
again, quoting from my friends the Taoists: “breath controls the
blood flow, blood flow controls the nerves, and nerves control the
ejaculation”.

• Make sure your entire body is relaxed, especially your PC Muscles,

testicles, pelvis area and stomach. Keep these muscles as relaxed as
possible the entire time. Clenching the PC muscle is useful if you are
attempting the male multiple orgasm technique (explained later),
but if you are just going for a long, normal session, learn to relax all
of those muscles. Clenching the PC muscle too much stimulates the
prostate, which is essentially the male g-spot, and actually can lead
to quicker orgasm/ejaculation.

• Acclimate: Place your penis in the vagina, and acclimate, or get

used to, the “environment”. Place your penis in the vagina for a few
minutes while consciously relaxing the PC muscle and all of the other
related muscles. Do not move very much, or start pumping, this is
just for you to get accustomed to those wonderful warm feelings.

• A good way to make sure you are not clenching your PC is to

squeeze your PC real hard (while practicing only) to see how the
sensation feels. Then try and completely remove that feeling; relax
everything. Let your abs, PC muscle, and all the other muscles in
that area completely drop/relax, and continue like this. However, do
not clench hard if you are going for a real sex session with your
partner, as this will speed up the ejaculation process (mentioned
above).

• Remember, when restarting after you’ve stopped for a while, don’t

speed up to compensate for your erection…your full erection will
come back in time (as the exercise earlier showed you). Take your
time.

• Try and stay far away from the stage before ejaculation. If you
have already reached this “red zone”, you will feel like any time you
touch your penis you will ejaculate. At this point, your testicles are
most likely pushing up against your prostate, causing very strong
feelings of imminent orgasm/ejaculation. Stop stimulation, and grab
each of your testicles (each one individually) and pull them down
away from your body. After stretching them somewhat, do the
deep, slow inhalation/exhalation while completely clearing your
thoughts. Force your arousal levels to
drop, and take back control over the relaxation in your brain and
genital area; remove erotic thoughts, and you should be able to
regain your control, and continue without the threat of ejaculation so
near. Do this as many times as you need to.
• Know that as time goes by, naturally you will become more
comfortable with your partner sexually, and be more in control of
your emotions and thoughts, and in general will be able to last
longer.
As mentioned above, it requires concentration to take ownership
over your arousal levels and last longer during sex. Concentration is
actually a skill and can be developed via meditation.

Many people hear meditation, and they think of Buddhist monks who
“waste” their lives away sitting and thinking. It cannot be farther
from the truth. It has been said that the brain is like a dirty window,
filled with muddy thoughts that pull you this way and that,
distracting you, scaring you, boosting your ego, crushing your ego,
making you feel lonely, and blocking a clearer view of reality, as well
as the full potential of your mind.

When you meditate, you are cleaning off some of this mud, little by
little, and you are able to view the world through a cleaner window,
with a better, stronger, and more positive understanding and view of
yourself and reality. Spend a few minutes a day meditating and
you’ll find less anxiety, stress, worry, fear, etc., and this gets better
and better with time.

Meditation has been practiced in the East for thousands of years.

While many did practice “sitting and thinking” for their entire lives,
they had a far better understanding of their thoughts and
consciousness than anybody else, as well as much stronger control
over their thoughts and emotions. There are tons of books,
documents, and scriptures written on how to gain better control over
our thoughts and emotions, and improve concentration through
meditation.
Meditating is just stopping your thoughts from circulating…when you
are stressed, and your brain is non-stop working, your thoughts are
turning into a large rolling ball, and the larger the ball gets, the more
stress, anxiety, fear, etc. you feel. When in this mind state, you have
almost no control over your
thoughts, and can have serious difficulty in gaining ejaculation
control, as well as experience sexual performance anxiety and
reduced erection quality.

Meditation makes you master of your thoughts. You are not your
thoughts. Your thoughts are a constant waterfall of fear, stress, joy,
happiness, anger, etc. You are the awareness that witnesses the
thoughts. Please bear with me, I know I’m getting real philosophical
here, but this will help.

As an added benefit, due to the decreased stress that comes about

during and after meditation, cortisol is also reduced, which leads to
improved production of testosterone.

To best meditate, and improve your abilities to concentrate, follow

these guidelines:

1) Make sure you have free time and privacy. Find somewhere
comfortable, and sit however is comfortable to you. However, sit up
as if you are “dignified”. When you think of the word “dignity”, and
you sit accordingly, it’s easier to maintain concentration during
meditation.
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