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jealous indeed. So great was his passion for her that he had
threatened to kill her and himself if she did not give up Keene, which,
according to her, made her care all the more for Keene. When
Browne could stand it no longer and was fearful lest Keene was to
capture the prize—which he was not, of course, Idelle being a mere
trifler at all stages—he had invited her out on that disastrous
automobile ride—
A mere form, eating, this morning! No appetite—due to
his troubled thoughts, of course, these days!
—which had ended in her being carried into his presence at the
Insull General. Browne must have been vividly in love with her to
prefer to kill himself and her in that fashion rather than lose her, for,
according to her, he had swung the car squarely into the rocks at
Saltair Brook, only it never came out in the papers, and neither Idelle
nor Browne would tell.
All railway cars seemed so soiled toward the end of a
ride like this!
She professed afterwards to be sorry for Browne and inquired
after him every day, although, of course, she had no sympathy for
him or Keene, either,—for no man whom she could engage in any
such contest. She was too wholly interested in following her own
selfish bent. Afterward, when Keene was calling daily and trying to
find out how it really did happen, and Coulstone was still in evidence
and worrying over her condition (and old Candia also, he presumed
—how could he tell whom all she had in tow at that time?), she
refused to tell them, or any of a half dozen others who came to
inquire. Yet right on top of all that she had encouraged him,
Garrison, to fall in love with her, and had even imagined herself, or
so she sneeringly charged, whenever they quarreled, in love with
him, ready to reform and lead a better life, and had finally allowed
him to carry her off and marry her in the face of them all! What were
you to make of a creature like that? Insanity, on his or her part? Or
both? Both, of course.
Kenelm! They were certainly speeding on! Those four
wooden cows in that field, advertising a brand of butter!
But she could be so agreeable when she chose to be, and was so
fascinatingly, if irritatingly, beautiful all the time!
There was no doubt, though, that things were now reaching such a
state that there would have to be a change. He couldn’t stand this
any longer. Women like Idelle were menaces, really, and shouldn’t
be tolerated. Most men wouldn’t stand for her, although he had. But
why? Why? Well, because he loved her, that was why, and you
couldn’t explain love. And the other reason—the worst of all—was
the dread he had been suffering of late years of being left alone
again if she left him. Alone! It was a terrible feeling, this fear of being
left alone in the future, and especially when you were so drawn to
some one who, whatever her faults, could make you idyllically happy
if she only would. Lord, how peculiar these love passions of people
were, anyhow! How they swayed one! Tortured one! Here he was
haunted all the time now by the knowledge that he would be
miserable if she left him, and that he needed some one like her to
make him happy, a cheerful and agreeable beauty when she chose
to be, fascinating even when she was not, and yet knowing that he
would have to learn to endure to be alone if ever he was to get the
strength to force her to better ways. Why couldn’t he? Or why
couldn’t she settle down and be decent once? Well, he would have
to face this out with her, once and for all now. He wasn’t going to
stand for her carrying on in this fashion. She must sober down. She
had had her way long enough now, by God! He just wasn’t going to
pose as her husband and be a shield for her any longer! No sir, by
George.
Only thirty-eight miles more! If she were not there now,
as she promised!
Beginning to-day she would have to give him a decent deal or he
would leave her. He wouldn’t—he couldn’t—stand for it any longer.
Think of that last time he had come on from K——, just as he was
coming to-day, and she had agreed to be at home—because he had
made her promise before going that she would—and then, by
George, when he got off the train and walked into the Brandingham
with Arbuthnot to telephone, having just told Arbuthnot that he
expected to find her out at the house, wasn’t she there with young
Keene and four or five others, drinking and dancing?
“Why, there’s your wife now, Garrison,” Arbuthnot had laughingly
jested, and he had had to turn it all off with that “Oh, yes, that’s right!
I forgot! She was to meet me here. How stupid of me!”
Why hadn’t he made a scene then? Why hadn’t he broken things
up then? Because he was a blank-blanked fool, that’s why, allowing
her to pull him around by the nose and do as she pleased! Love,
that’s why! He was a damned fool for loving her as much as he did,
and in the face of all he knew!
Nearing Shively! Colonel Brandt’s stock-farm! Home
soon now! That little town in the distance, no connection
with the railroad at all!
On that particular occasion, when at last they were in a taxi, she
had begun one of her usual lies about having come downtown for
something—a romper for Tatty—only when he ventured to show her
what she was doing to herself and him socially, that he was being
made a fool of, and that he really couldn’t stand it, hadn’t she flown
into the usual rage and exclaimed: “Oh, all right! Why don’t you leave
me then? I don’t care! I don’t care! I’m bored! I can’t help it! I can’t
always sit out in Sicard Avenue waiting for you!”
In Sicard Avenue. And that on top of always refusing to stay out
there or to travel with him anywhere or to meet him and go places!
Think of that for a happy married life, will you? Love! Love! Yes, love!
Hell!
Well, here was Lawndale now, only eighteen miles—that meant
about eighteen minutes from here, the way they were running now—
and he would soon see her now if she was at home. If she only
were, just this one time, to kiss him and laugh and ask about the trip
and how he had made out, and let him propose some quiet dinner
somewhere for just the two of them, a quiet dinner all to themselves,
and then home again! How delightful that would be! Only— No doubt
Charles would be at the station with the jitney, as he always called
the yellow racer. He would have to summon all his ease to make his
inquiry, for one had to keep one’s face before the servants, you know
—but then it was entirely possible that Charles wouldn’t know
whether she was home or not. She didn’t always tell the servants. If
she wasn’t there, though—and after that letter and telegram— Well
—now—this time!—by God!—
Wheelwright! They were running a little later, perhaps,
but they would enter the station nearly on time!
But take, again, that last affair, that awful scene in the
Shackamaxon at C——, when without his knowing it she had gone
down there with Bodine and Arbuthnot and that wretched Aikenhead.
Think of being seen in a public place like the Shackamaxon with
Aikenhead and two such other wasters (even if Mrs. Bodine were
along—she was no better than the others!), when she was already
married and under so much suspicion as it was. If it weren’t for him
she would have been driven out of society long ago! Of course she
would have! Hadn’t General and Mrs. de Pasy cut her dead on that
occasion?—only when they saw that he had joined her they altered
their expressions and were polite enough, showing what they would
do if they had to deal with her alone.
That brown automobile racing this train! How foolish
some automobilists were!
Well, that time, coming home and finding her away, he had run
down to C—— on the chance of finding her there—and sure enough
there she was dancing with Aikenhead and Bodine by turns, and
Mrs. Bodine and that free Mrs. Gildas and Belle Geary joining them
later. And when he had sought her out to let her know he was back
quite safe and anxious to see her, hadn’t she turned on him with all
the fury of a wildcat—“Always following me up and snooping around
after me to catch me in something!” and that almost loud enough for
all the others to hear! It was terrible! How could anybody stand for
such a thing! He couldn’t, and retain his self-respect. And yet he had
—yes, he had, more shame to him! But if it hadn’t been that he had
been so lonely just beforehand and so eager to see her, and hadn’t
had those earrings for her in his pocket—thinking they would please
her—perhaps he wouldn’t have done as he did, backed down so. As
it was—well, all he could think of at the moment was to apologize—
to his own wife!—and plead that he hadn’t meant to seem to follow
her up and “snoop around.” Think of that! Hang it all, why hadn’t he
left her then and there? Supposing she didn’t come back?
Supposing she didn’t? What of it? What of it? Only—
“This way out, please.”
Well, here was G—— at last, and there was Charles, well enough,
waiting as usual. Would she be home now? Would she? Perhaps,
after all, he had better not say anything yet, just go around to
Kiralfy’s and get the flowers. But to what end, really, if she weren’t
there again? What would he do this time? Surely this must be the
end if she weren’t there, if he had any strength at all. He wouldn’t be
put upon in this way again, would he?—after all he had told himself
he would do the last time if ever it happened again! His own
reputation was at stake now, really. It depended on what he did now.
What must the servants think—his always following her up and she
never being there or troubling about him in the least?
“Ah, Charles, there you are! To Kiralfy’s first, then
home!”
She was making him a laughing-stock, or would if he didn’t take
things in hand pretty soon to-day, really—a man who hung onto a
woman because she was young and pretty, who tolerated a wife who
did not care for him and who ran with other men—a sickening,
heartless social pack—in his absence. She was pulling him down to
her level, that’s what she was doing, a level he had never deemed
possible in the old days. It was almost unbelievable—and yet— But
he would go in and get the flowers, anyway!
“Back in a minute, Charles!”
And now here was Sicard Avenue, again, dear old Sicard, with its
fine line of trees on either side of its broad roadway, and their own
big house set among elms and with that French garden in front—so
quiet and aristocratic! Why couldn’t she be content with a place like
this, with her present place in society? Why not? Why not be happy
in it? She could be such an interesting social figure if she chose, if
she would only try. But no, no—she wouldn’t. It would always be the
same until—until—
The gardener had trimmed the grass again, and nicely!
“No, suh, Mr. Garrison,” George was already saying in that sing-
song darky way of his as he walked up the steps ahead of him, and
just as he expected or feared he would. It was always the way, and
always would be until he had courage enough to leave once and for
all—as he would to-day, by George! He wouldn’t stand for this one
moment longer—not one. “Mrs. Garrison she say she done gone to
Mrs. Gildas’” (it might just as well have been the Bodines, the Del
Guardias or the Cranes—they were all alike), “an’ dat yo’ was to call
her up dere when yo’ come in or come out. She say to say she lef’ a
note fo’ yo’ on yo’ dresser.”
Curse her! Curse her! Curse her! To be treated like this all the
time! He would fix her now, though, this time! Yes, he would. This
time he wouldn’t change his mind.
And the brass on the front door not properly cleaned,
either!
“George,” this to his servant as the latter preceded him into his
room—their room—where he always so loved to be when things
were well between them, “never mind the bags now. I’ll call you later
when I want you,” and then, as the door closed, almost glaring at
everything about him. There in the mirror, just above his military
brushes, was stuck a note—the usual wheedling, chaffering rot she
was inclined to write him when she wanted to be very nice on such
occasions as this. Now he would see what new lying, fooling
communication she had left for him, where he would be asked to
come now, what do, instead of her being here to receive him as she
had promised, as was her duty really, as any decent married woman
would—as any decent married man would expect her to be. Oh, the
devil!
That fly buzzing in the window there, trying to get out!
What was the use of being alive, anyway? What the good of
anything—money or anything else? He wouldn’t stand for this any
longer, he couldn’t—no, he couldn’t, that was all there was to it! She
could go to the devil now; he wouldn’t follow her any more—never,
never, never!—the blank-blank-blank-blank——! This was the end!
This was the way she was always doing! But never again now, not
once more! He’d get a divorce now! Now, by George, for once he
would stand his ground and be a man, not a social door-mat, a
humble beggar of love, hanging around hat in hand waiting for her
favors! Never again, by God! Never!! Never!!! Only—
That letter of hers on the dresser there waiting for him,
as usual!
“Dearest Old Judge: This isn’t the real one. This is just a
hundred-kiss one, this. The real one is pinned to your
pillow over there—our pillow—where it ought to be, don’t
you think? I don’t want you to be unhappy at not finding
me home, Judgie, see? And I don’t want you to get mad
and quarrel. And I do want you to be sure to find the other
letter. So don’t be angry, see? But call me up at the
Gildas’. I’m dying to see you, dearie, really and truly I am!
I’ve been so lonesome without you! (Yes!) You’re sure to
find me out there. And you’re not to be angry—not one
little frown, do you hear? I just couldn’t help it, dearest! So
read the other letter now!
“Idelle.”
If only his hands wouldn’t tremble so! Damn her! Damn
her! Damn her! To think she would always treat him like
this! To think he was never to have one decent hour of her
time to himself, not one! Always this running here, there
and everywhere away from him, as it were!
He crumpled up the note and threw it on the floor, then went to the
window and looked out. There over the way at her own spacious
door was young Mrs. Justus just entering her car—a simple, home-
loving little woman, who would never dream of the treacheries and
eccentricities of Idelle; who, if she even guessed what manner of
woman she was, would never have anything more to do with her.
Why couldn’t he have loved a girl like her—why not? And just
beyond, the large quiet house of the Walterses, those profoundly
sober people of the very best ways and means, always so kind and
helpful, anxious to be sociable, of whom Idelle could think of nothing
better to say than “stuffy.” Anything kind and gentle and orderly was
just stuffy to her, or dull. That was what she considered him, no
doubt. That’s because she was what she was, curses on her! She
couldn’t stand, or even understand, profoundly worthy people like the
Justuses or the Walterses. (There was May Walters now at her
dining-room window.) And then there were the Hartleys.... But that
other note of hers—what did it say? He ought to read that now,
whether he left or no; but he would leave this time, well enough!
He turned to the twin bed and from the fretted counterpane
unpinned the second lavender-colored and scented note—the kind
Idelle was always scribbling when she was doing things she
shouldn’t. It didn’t make one hanged bit of difference now what she
wrote, of course—only— He wouldn’t follow her this time; no, he
wouldn’t! He wouldn’t have anything more to do with her ever! He
would quit now, lock the doors in a few minutes, discharge the
servants, cut off her allowance, tell her to go to blazes. He would go
and live at a club, as he had so often threatened before to himself—
or get out of G——, as he had also threatened. He couldn’t stand the
comment that would follow, anyhow. He had had enough of it. He
hated the damned city! He had never had any luck in it. Never had
he been happy here, in spite of the fact that he had been born and
brought up here, and twice married here—never! Twice now he had
been treated like this by women right here in this city, his home town,
where everybody knew! Twice he had been made a fool of, but this
time—
The letter, though!
“Dearest and best of hubbies, I know you’re going to be
disappointed at not finding me here, and in spite of anything I can
say, probably terribly angry, too. (I wish you wouldn’t be, darling!)
But, sweetheart, if you’ll only believe me this time (I’ve said that
before when you wouldn’t, I know, and it wasn’t my fault, either), it
wasn’t premeditated, really, it wasn’t! Honest, cross my heart, dear,
twenty ways, and hope to die!”
(What did she really care for his disappointment or what
he suffered, curse her!)
“Only yesterday at four Betty called up and insisted that I should
come. There’s a big house party on, and you’re invited, of course,
when you get back. Her cousin Frank is coming and some friends of
his,”
(Yes, he knew what friends!)
“and four of my old girl chums, so I just couldn’t get out of it, nor
would I, particularly since she wanted me to help her, and I’ve asked
her so many times to help us—now, could I?”
Idelle’s way in letters, as in person, was always bantering. To the
grave with Betty Gildas and all her house parties, in so far as he was
concerned, the fast, restless, heartless thing! Why couldn’t she have
been here just this once, when he wanted her so much and had
wired and written in plenty of time for her to be!
But no, she didn’t care for him. She never had. She merely wanted
to fool him along like this, to keep his name, his position, the social
atmosphere he could give her. This whole thing was a joke to her—
this house, his friends, himself, all—just nothing! Her idea was to fool
him along in this way while she continued to run with these other
shabby, swift, restless, insatiable creatures like herself, who liked
cabarets, thés dansants, automobile runs to this, that and the other
wretched place, country house parties, country clubs, country this,
country that, or New York and all its shallow and heartless mockery
of simplicity and peace. Well, he was through. She was always
weary of him, never anxious to be with him for one moment even,
but never weary of any of them, you bet—of seeking the wildest
forms of pleasure! Well, this was the end now. He had had enough.
She could go her own way from now on. Let the beastly flowers lie
there—what did he care? He wouldn’t carry them to her. He was
through now. He was going to do what he said—leave. Only—
He began putting some things in another bag, in addition to the
ones he had—his silk shirts, extra underwear, all his collars. Once
and for all now he wouldn’t stand this—never! Never!
Only—
As he fumed and glared, his eye fell on his favorite photo of Idelle
—young, rounded, sensuous, only twenty-four to his forty-eight, an
air and a manner flattering to any man’s sense of vanity and
possession—and then, as a contrast, he thought of the hard, smiling,
self-efficiency of so many of her friends—J—— C——, for one, still
dogging her heels in spite of him, and Keene, young and wealthy,
and Arbuthnot—and who not else?—any one and all of whom would
be glad to take her if he left her. And she knew this. It was a part of
her strength, even her charm—curse her! Curse her! Curse her!
But more than that, youth, youth, the eternal lure of beauty and
vitality, her smiling softness at times, her geniality, her tolerance,
their long talks and pleasant evenings and afternoons. And all of
these calling, calling now. And yet they were all at the vanishing
point, perhaps never to come again, if he left her! She had warned
him of that. “If I go,” she had once said—more than once, indeed
—“it’s for good. Don’t think I’ll ever come back, for I won’t.” And he
understood well enough that she would not. She didn’t care for him
enough to come back. She never would, if she really went.
He paused, meditating, biting his lips as usual, flushing, frowning,
darkening—a changeable sky his face—and then—
“George,” he said after the servant had appeared in answer to his
ring, “tell Charles to bring the jitney around again, and you pack me
the little brown kit bag out of these others. I’m going away for a day
or two, anyhow.”
“Yes, suh!”
Then down the stairs, saying that Idelle was a liar, a wastrel, a
heartless butterfly, worthy to be left as he proposed to leave her now.
Only, once outside in his car with Charles at the wheel, and ready to
take him wherever he said, he paused again, and then—sadly— “To
the Gildases, and better go by the Skillytown road. It’s the shortest!”
Then he fell to thinking again.
IV
ST. COLUMBA AND THE RIVER