Writing Improvement Exercises:

Audience Benefits and the “You” View

Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and the “you” view.

a- We regret to announce that the bookstore will distribute free iPods only to students in classes in
which the instructor has requested these devices as learning tools.

b- Our safety policy forbids us from renting power equipment to anyone who cannot demonstrate
proficiency in its use.

c- To prevent us from possibly losing large sums of money in stolen identity schemes, our bank now
requires verification of any large check presented for immediate payment.

d- So that we may bring our customer records up-to-date and eliminate the expense of duplicate
mailings, we are asking you to complete and return the enclosed card.

Conversational, Professional Tone

Revise the following sentences to make the tone conversational yet professional.

a- Per your recent e-mail, the undersigned takes pride in informing you that we are pleased to be able to
participate in the Toys for Tots drive.

b- Pursuant to your message of the 15th, please be advised that your shipment was sent August 14.

c- Yo, Jeff! Look, dude, I need you to pound on Ramona so we can drop this budget thingy in her lap.

Positive and Courteous Language

Revise the following statements to make them more positive and courteous.

a- Employees are not allowed to use instant messaging until a company policy is established.

b- We must withhold authorizing payment of your consultant’s fees because our CPA claims that your
work is incomplete.

c- Plans for the new health center cannot move forward without full community support.

Inclusive Language

Revise the following sentences to eliminate terms that are considered sexist or that suggest
stereotypes.

a- Every employee must wear his photo ID on the job.

b- Media Moguls hired Sheena Love, an African American, for the position of project manager.

c- A skilled assistant proofreads her boss’s documents and catches any errors he makes.

Guffey, M. E., & Loewy, D. (2014). Essentials of business communication. Mason, OH: South-Western/Cengage Learning.