ENGINOODS

THE

“We ain’t affilliated with nobody”

FUN WITH VOCABULARY
A list of perfectly cromulent words that you should work into your everyday speech. You won’t find
these in any of those pussy dictionaries. Webster can suk my ass-this is English on the edge!

gaytarded (adj) The state of being both retarded and gay simultaneously.
Ex: “That costume is fucking gaytarded!”

steaktastic (adj) The state of being more like steak (note that being like steak is good).
Ex: “That’s one fucking steaktastic steak”

tapioca (adj) The state of having gone rotten. Why does tapioca mean rotten? Simple-it comes in
fucking ball form, and isn’t cheese.
Ex: “It’s gone all fucking tapioca”

pornucopia (n) A large and varied collection of pornography.

Ex: “www.welovefreeporn.com is a fucking pornucopia.”

Free Hat (n) A nonexistent prize. The promise of remuneration

that will never be paid.
Ex: “Submit, and you get a free fucking hat!”

Dave Clegg Salutes The Noods!

In a rare public appearance, the Enginoods staff caught up
with Dave Clegg, who was heard to remark “Ok, who has
the camera and how do I avoid him.” Being the publicity
whore that he is though, he decided to show that we were
“number one” in his books, and reiterated his committment
to our cause. In short, this will involve the establishment of
a budget for “research and development into the alcoholic,
narcotic, and pornographic arts” which will account for
roughly half of the next B-Soc budget (unlike A Soc who
won’t give us a fucking dime!).
We salute you too Dave Clegg!

THE ENGINOODS INVADE THE INTERNET!

http://www3.sympatico.ca/enginoods/
And you thought that the internet was safe for children and pedophiles...
If anybody has a better place we can store these, please let us know! Many free hats for you!

“She’s gone from suck to blow!”

 BEER - TELL YOUR FRIENDS
Who doesn’t like a good ol’ fasion page soaked in skunky Beer?

Totals Class
PBD TOTALS
Name
211 2A Civ Flamin Donut Holes Because a lot of classes out there had
165 1A Civ Full Tilt really bad names, we decided to give them
108 3A Civ-lite MaCiv Plumb Bobs new ones. The problem is, Dan gave us all
58 Ringed the new names as well as “good, bad and ugly”
57 3B Comp ComESutra (who are just temp names for that day as any
49 ??? Bad POETS barfly would know) and DIDN’T give us
38 ??? Rolstons the real classes. So we had to guess. If we
30 2A Mech Long Wrench Big Nuts got it wrong, suck it up. Oh the Dumb Bobs have
30 Unworked & Overpaid officially been demoted to 3A because of their
28 Idiots Idiots bad name and Dan.
19 1A EnviroCiv Stupids — ‘Noods Editors

Quotations
This week’s rant: “Quotes” and “Quotations” are NOT synonyms. Quote is a verb - as in to quote someone.
Quotation is a noun - as in here is a list of quotations. They are NOT interchangable. Dumbasses. Try looking up “quota-
tions” on the internet, you’ll find a few, look up “quotes”, you’ll find a fuck load. Gaytarded morons. The English language
has gone all tapioca.

To win true freedom, you must be a slave to philosophy. — Epicurus

Ethel: You know how animals can sense fear? Willy can sense beer. — Willy ‘n Ethel

I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety. — William Shakespeare

Back and side go bare, go bare, both foot and hand go cold; but, belly,
God send thee good ale enough, whether it be new or old. — Bishop John

Still I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no

occasion. — Miguel de Cervantes

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re
sober. — William Butler Yeats

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. — Henry
Lawson

For a quart of ale is a dish for a King. — William Shakespeare

Whiskey’s to tough, Champagne costs too much,

Vodka puts my mouth in gear.
I hope this refrain, Will help me explain,
As a matter of fact, I like beer. — Tom T. Hall

If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.

— David Daye

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they wake up in the
morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. — Frank Sinatra

“I bet she gives great helmet.”

 Fanboy’s NOODs Submission #1
And why noods editors will never again accept submissions in Word format. For all his complaining
about Microsoft, Fanboy still submits his stuff in their format. So... no FREE HAT.

Top Ten Reasons to Date an Engineer

1. Complimentary Tutoring
2. Large Earning Potential
3. Can handle stress and strain in relationships
4. Know all the dynamics of relative motion
5. Learn about the benefits of friction and viscosity
6. FREE body diagrams
7. Always back up their hard drives
8. Trained to do it right the first time
9. Specialized in experimentation
10. Can go all night with no hint of fatigue
Fanboy presents a proposed
New MICRO$OFT
Windows XP Assistant

“How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?”

 THE ENGINOODS MAILBAG
THE SPOT FOR PEOPLE WITH TOO MUCH SPARE TIME!

Jokes Submission...by Whining Loser!

The receptionist at a doctor’s office noticed that her boss rarely examined
or prescribed to patients, preferring to engage in anonymous acts of
voyeurism, fetishism, and oral-coitus. She became particularly concerned
when extremely ill patients entered the waiting room only to exit some time
later sexually gratified, but as ill as ever. One day in particular, a man
entered with grotesque false membranes on the lining of his throat and
other respiratory passages, which caused him great difficulty in breathing, a
high fever, and general weakness. Alarmed at his condition, the receptionist
told the doctor “I think this poor man should go elsewhere for treatment; I
believe he has diphtheria.” The doctor answered “I don’t care what you
dipped him in, bring him here.”
“Dip-hther-i-a” = “diped him in” - its a bit of a streach but hey, we
guess you had to be creative.
A UW co-op student developed a sexual obsession with frogs. He found
that the slimy creatures were deeply fulfilling, especially at providing oral
stimulus, even if the act often proved mortal for the frail amphibians. One
day while on the job the student felt the insane old urge and snuck away to
his secret frog stash in the stock room. While vigourously gyrating with the
animal, he noticed that his boss was at the door, mouth agape, witnessing
the whole illicit scene. Thinking fast, the student said “Oh hi, boss. I just
found this poor frog covered in machine oil and I was trying to wipe him
off.” His boss smiled thinly and reached under her skirt. “I don’t care what
you dipped him in, bring him here.”
<Whining Loser>
We asked for jokes, not autobiographies. You sick fuck

A bored salesman came up with a scheme to have some fun at one of the Free Hookers with Hats for you!
many hotels he was constantly staying in on the road. Obtaining the keys to Submit, Damit!
the hotel pool, he snuck in at 3am, drained the three hot tubs of water, and
refilled them. One was filled with chocolate syrup, one with butterscotch
syrup, and one with whipped cream. A call to an escort service landed three
hookers, who introduced themselves as Missi, Mandi, and Starr. The plan
was to get blown by all three in each hot tub, for a total of nine. However,
the salesman collapsed after only 4 face-fucks, and Mandi was left
submerged in whipped-cream, waiting for that cock that never came. After
a while, she called out to Starr; “Hey! What’s taking so long? Try jamming
your finger up his ass.” Starr, performing CPR, responded with “This
fucker’s dropped- I think he’s having a heart attack but it’s hard to tell
because he’s covered in chocolate syrup!” “I don’t care what you dipped
him in, bring him here.”
Mmmm drowning in chocolate. Is that how they get milk chocolate?

A nymphomaniac wife spent all her time constructing elaborate fantasies

for her and her husband to engage in every night when he got home from
work. They had experimented with fecophilia, dendrophilia, arachnophilia,
bestiality and threesomes. She had evolved a separate personality for her
husband’s penis, referring to the organ as “Dave Clegg”. One day, her
husband returned home at the usual time and entered the bedroom, white as
a sheet, while she lay splayed out in a winged platypus outfit with
crotchless panties. In a daze, he blurted out “Today I went to see my ex-
girlfriend and Dave Clegg had a reunion with Leanne Whiteley! I’m so
sorry. Can you ever forgive me?” In a lustful haze, his wife spread further
and blurted out “I don’t care what you dipped him in, bring him here.”
Better. But think of the children!

This week’s contest: Write a joke with this as the opening line:
“A rabbi, a midget, and <inset engsoc exec> walk into a bar”
Submit expensive HATS to noods02@hotmail.com for FREE

WERE YOU OFFENDED?

If you were offended by this week’s enginoods, we want to hear about it. Send your flames, death threats, and porn to:

noods02@hotmail.com
If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and this
shit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. Thank you for your time. Hope to hear from you soon.

“I knew it. I’m surrounded by Assholes!”