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Personal Development
Quarter 2 - Module 7
Dynamics of Attraction, Love,
and Commitment
Personal Development – Senior High School
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Quarter 2 - Module 7: Dynamics of Attraction, Love, and Commitment
First Edition, 2020
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Personal
Development
Quarter 2 - Module 7
Dynamics of Attraction, Love, and Commitment
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Table of Contents
This is a very interesting module since the topic is about a personal relationship. The
concept of relationship is very broad, complex and varies from person to person. This module
will provide information in understanding the concept in a meaningful and easier way. This
aims to introduce the different types of relationships depending on the nature of the interaction.
Researchers have found that relationships are important to a person's happiness. The
absence of close relationships can produce a deep negative effect such as feeling worthless,
powerless, and alienated. We can say that every relationship has specific objectives or
purposes that a person wishes to pursue, either because of need, want, or desire. The very
first meaningful relationship every person encounters is with one's mother. The mother-child
relationship is already established even before birth because of the connection. The other
connections a person encounters will be tackled in this module.
This module contains varied activities that can help you build, become responsible and
maintain a good relationship with your family, friends and significant other by identifying the
appropriate way of expressing your attraction, love and commitment to them.
1. Personal Relationships
i
How to Learn from this Module
To achieve the objectives cited above, you are to do the following:
• Take your time to read the lessons carefully.
• Follow the directions and/or instructions in the activities and exercises diligently.
• Answer all the given tests and exercises.
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What I Know
Multiple Choice. Select the letter of the best answer among the given choices.
1. What is that close connection between people, formed by emotional bonds and
interactions?
3. Which of the following influences the person to get attracted to people who are
geographically closer to them?
4. Which of the following influences the person to get attracted to others who like them
back?
5. What act refers to deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements made with
another person, entity, or cause, and where the values of integrity and respect serve
as a guide to one’s behavior and thinking?
A. Passion C. Commitment
B. Attraction D. Attachment
6. Which part of the love-struck phase involves focusing one's attention on a particular
person or desire?
A. Passion C. Commitment
B. Attraction D. Attachment
7. What does Robert Stenberg emphasize the type of love that is characterized by
intimate, non-passionate and with a long term commitment?
A. Consummate C. Romantic
B. Companionate D. Fatuous
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8. According to Robert Stenberg, what type of love is an ideal and complete form of love
with intimacy, passion and commitment?
A. Consummate C. Romantic
B. Companionate D. Fatuous
9. Who among the ancient Greeks below, whose name is defined as selfless or
unconditional love?
A. Philia C. Agape
B. Storge D. Philautia
10. What type of love is named after ancient Greeks that is considered having a healthy
“self-compassion” love towards one’s self?
A. Philia C. Agape
B. Storge D. Philautia
11. If you were to choose a name for your family, which of the following Ancient Greek
names would you prefer?
12. Which of the following Ancient Greek’s types of love is recommended for friendship?
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Lesson
1 PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Pre-historic humans were interacting already through different forms of behavior such
as smiling, greeting each other, showing love, affection and loyalty, or hunting food together.
These were all necessary for their survival especially in the group that they belonged to. The
primary reason for human beings to belong is for survival.
Today, belongingness still exists since it has many benefits such as having a support
system when you need someone to share your sadness, happiness and other concerns
especially for adolescents. In the adolescence stage, a sense of identity begins to form that
involves shaping values and setting future goals. Adolescents develop social skills and interact
with the people around them. Nurtured relationships with other people help us to thrive. Hence,
we need to understand the relationships formed by teenagers among the people around them.
What’s New
Family
1
What Is It
As you have listed the people with whom you have a close connection right now in your
Activity 1, in this section you will know what close connection you have with them. These are
personal relationships, family relationships, friendship, and romantic relationships.
Personal Relationship
This kind of relationship refers to the association and close connections between
people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow and form mutual
experiences. Personal relationships generally refer to family, friends and significant other.
Family Relationship
Family is generally defined as living together in a household whom related by birth,
marriage, or adoption. It includes siblings and parents whom you grow up with. One’s family
relationship is also extended to grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins though not living
together. In family, roles are also defined. Parents and older relatives role is to guide,
discipline, and support younger members.
Family bond plays a vital role in a person's well-being. It forms other kinds of
relationships such as friendships and romantic relationships bound by love and closeness. On
the other hand, there are also arguments, disagreements, moments of anger and hurt in a
family since you spend so much time together. There is a usual increase in arguments and
conflicts with parents when adolescents assert their independence as their way of finding self-
identity. However, these are short-lived for families when there is love, care, and
understanding.
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In families, the physical expression of bonds also varies. Family members express
affection through hugging, kissing on the cheek or forehead, patting the head or tousling the
hair, patting on the back, etc. In whatever ways affection is expressed, these show
closeness and respect of each family member.
Friendship
Friends are the people we are not related to us by blood or adoption but we choose
to interact with them. They are the people with whom we share our trust, respect, and care.
We feel that we can confide in them and we want to spend time with always. Friendship is a
reciprocal relationship. Both people must see each other as a friend for the relationship to
exist. Good friendships are mutually respectful, supportive and share common interests and
ideas. It should be built on honesty, support and loyalty.
There are different degrees of friendship. You may find that you feel closer to some
friends than others. Some friendships, especially if they have only known each other for a
short time, may not share personal issues or concerns. Usually, you may find that you feel
more comfortable and able to confide in friends whom you have known well.
Furthermore, friends who are very close and known each other well are referred to as
“best friends or close friends”. Some people have many friends, while others may only have
one or two. There is no right or the wrong number of friends to have and everyone is different.
Some friendships can be close while some friends choose to greet each other by
hugging or kissing on the cheek, other friendships may have no physical contact, or may
simply shake hands. However, romantic contact or being intimate physically is not
appropriate in a friendship.
Romantic Relationship
A romantic relationship is when you feel strongly attracted to the other person. The
attraction encompasses a person's personality and even physical and should be reciprocated
by the other person in the relationship.
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and/or "in love". They feel a strong connection and bond with each other that they do
not feel with anyone else, even with close friends. The bond is also exclusive and
monogamous.
People in a romantic relationship often see each other and when apart will find ways
to contact each other by phone and the likes. An example of a romantic relationship for
adolescents is between a boyfriend and girlfriend.
What’s More
Family
Friendships Significant
Other
My
Relationships
4
Guide Questions:
1. How did you feel when you were creating the portrait of your family, friends, and partner
(if there’s any)?
2. What made it easy or difficult for you to illustrate it?
3. What are the new things did you realize or discover about your personal relationships?
What I Can Do
1. From your responses in Activity 2, how will you improve your personal relationships
with your family and friends?
2. How will you set boundaries with your friends and significant other (if you have) so that
you will have a healthy relationship?
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Lesson
WAYS OF SHOWING ATTRACTION,
2 LOVE, AND COMMITMENT
Every human being has his way of expressing his attraction, love, and commitment
due to our different life experiences. When the attraction between two persons is discussed, it
is often perceived as based on physical appearance while this might be true to a certain extent
but there is more to the attraction.
According to Helen Fisher, the attraction is primarily on physiology or certain hormones
that get attracted to others and are the first stage during the changes of personality
development which leads to closeness, love and commitment. However, disappointments in
relationships occur usually because of the misunderstanding about the different ways of
expressing their attraction, love and commitment. Thus, let us explore in this lesson how we
can express our attraction, love and commitment to others.
What’s In
6
What Is It
Lust refers to an urge or desire that motivates us to partake in sexual activity. It is also
described as sex drive associated primarily with estrogens and androgens.
b. Proximity can be explained when people tend to get attracted to people who are
geographically closer to them. They are more likely to develop feelings of mutual
familiarity with the people who live close to them. For example, being attracted to
a classmate since you regularly see the person.
c. Similarity is when people choose partners whom they find similarities such as
social class, religious beliefs, and education. It explains when two people share
more attitudes and opinions, the more they will want to do the same activities. As
a result, they would create a strong bond between them.
d. Reciprocity means people like others who like them back. The more a person is
liked by someone, the more he/she behaves in ways that promote mutual feelings
of liking.
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Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to
another. Usually, long-lasting commitments are exchanged when people are attached even
across time and space.
The combination of the three (3) components can produce eight (8) types of love.
Types of Intimacy Passion Commitment Example
Love
Liking Yes No No Friendships
Infatuation No Yes No Experiencing love at first sight or
being obsessed with a person
Empty Love No No Yes Stagnant Relationships or
Arrange marriage
Fatuous No Yes Yes Relationships motivated by a
passion
Companionate Yes No Yes Relationships lacking passion
such as those between family
members or close friends
Romantic Yes Yes No Being bonded emotionally and
physically to another person
Consummate Yes Yes Yes Complete love
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III. Theory Love Styles
Ancient Greeks studied love and giving each type a Greek name. Lee (1973) offers a
theory derived from an analysis of writings about love through centuries.
Philia – Affectionate Love usually runs deep in true friendship. It occurs without
romantic attraction between friends or family members. It is also called brotherly love when
both people share the same values and respect. It can be shown by engaging in deep
conversation, exchanging beliefs and imperfections, being open and trustworthy, and being
supportive in difficult times.
Pragma – Enduring Love is described as a mature love that develops over time. To
reach this relationship commitment and efforts are needed. With the partner by your side, you
are "standing in love" instead of "falling in love". It is expressed by strengthening the bond,
seeking and showing effort with your partner, and choosing to work with your partner.
Storge – Familiar love is a naturally occurring love rooted in parents and children, as
well as best friends. It’s an infinite love built upon acceptance and deep emotional connection.
It usually flows between parents and children or childhood friends. Ways to show this love are
sacrificing one’s time, self or personal pleasures, showing gratitude and quickly forgiving. You
also share memorable and impactful moments.
Eros – Romantic Love is characterized by personal infatuation and physical pleasure.
It is a passionate love displayed through physical affection. In this case, admiration is focused
on someone's physical body. Hence, the couple engages in physical touch such as hugging
and kissing even if it not appropriate yet.
Ludus – Playful love is a child-like and flirtatious love found in the beginning. This
type of love consists of teasing and playful motives between two people. It is shown by having
fun together.
Mania – Obsessive Love as named is described as obsessiveness or madness over
love. It leads to unwanted jealousy or possessiveness. To avoid it, obsessive or possessive
behavior must be recognized to be properly addressed. One should learn to focus on oneself
more than another person.
Philautia – Self Love is having a healthy “self-compassion” towards one’s self.
It is when you recognize your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs. Self-love begins
with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being.
Agape – Selfless Love is the highest love to offer. It is an empathetic attitude of love.
It is given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. It is considered
unconditional love. It is expressed by helping the other person improve his life.
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What’s More
10
What’s I Have Learned
What’s I Can Do
11
Lesson
BEING RESPONSIBLE
3 IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
What’s New
2. You enjoy being with this person but 10. You say that you agree with your
you also enjoy spending time with friends, even though you don't. You
other friends. are afraid they won't be your friend
anymore if you disagree with them.
3. Your friend pressures you to do 11. You rarely get to plan what the two of
things you do not want to do. you will do together.
4. Your friend tells you not to hang out 12. You are nervous that if you tell your
with certain people. friend something personal, he/she
will tell other people at school.
5. You usually feel happy when you are 13. Your friend is happy when good
with this person. things happen to you and celebrates
your successes.
6. Your friends talk to you about his/her 14. Your friends sometimes make fun of
feelings. you.
7. Your friend criticizes you or the people 15. Your friend respects your feelings and
you care about. your opinions.
8. Your friend bullies and makes fun of
other people at school.
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What Is It
The situations given in the previous activity can all be applicable among your family
and significant other or partner. Learn to recognize examples of people who engage in
negative behaviors that lead to unhealthy relationships. These are some important aspects of
healthy relationships.
Trust To what degree am I willing to let the other person know private
aspects of my thoughts, feelings, and life?
Good Can we talk freely about issues that are important to the
Communication relationships?
Do we know how to talk so we each are understood and sharing is
safe?
Consideration Am I mindful of the other person’s needs as well as my own?
Compatibility To what extent do we like and value the same things?
Mutual In areas of disagreement, are we able to agree or disagree?
Enjoyment
Personal Integrity Am I able to maintain my beliefs and sense of self as well as offer my
time and attention to the relationship?
Vulnerability To what degree can I let down my barriers and allow the other person
to see my perceived weaknesses, without fear of negative reactions
from them?
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What’s More
1. You feel good about yourself when you’re around the other person.
2. You do not try to control each other. There is an equal amount of giving and take.
3. You feel sad, angry, scared, or worried.
4. There are communication, sharing and trust. You feel safe to share secrets.
5. You feel that you give more attention to them than they give to you. You feel controlled.
6. You don’t communicate, share or trust.
7. You like to spend time together but also enjoy doing things apart.
8. You feel pressured to spend time together and you feel guilty when you’re both apart from
each other.
9. You feel the need to be someone that you are not.
10. It’s easy to be yourself when you are with them.
11. You respect each other's opinions. You listen and try to understand their point of view
even if you don't always agree with them.
12. You feel the need to be someone that you are not.
13. There is no fear in your relationship.
14. You feel there’s no respect for you or your opinion. You are not able to disagree.
15. You feel fear in your relationship.
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What I Can Do
15
Summary
1. Personal Relationship refers to the association and close connections between
people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions.
2. Different Types of Relationships: family, friendship, romantic relationships.
3. Three Brain Systems of Love or Stages: Lust, Attraction and Attachment.
4. A factor of Attraction is physical attractiveness, proximity, similarity, reciprocity.
5. Three Components of Triangular Theory of Love by Robert Strenberg: Intimacy,
Passion and Commitment
6. The combination of the three (3) components can produce eight (8) types of love: Non
love, liking, infatuation, empty love, fatuous, companionate, romantic consummate
7. Eight love styles name after Greek names:
✓ PHILIA – Affectionate Love
✓ PRAGMA – Enduring Love
✓ STORGE – Familiar love
✓ EROS – Romantic Love
✓ LUDUS –Playful love
✓ MANIA –Obsessive Love
✓ PHILAUTIA –Self Love
✓ AGAPE –Selfless Love
8. Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Cahpman
✓ Words of Affirmation
✓ Acts of Service
✓ Receiving Gifts
✓ Quality Time
✓ Physical Touch
9. Important aspects to nurture relationship are the following: mutual respect,
compassion, empathy, understanding, acceptance, honesty, trust, good
communication, consideration, compatibility, mutual enjoyment, personal dignity,
vulnerability
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Assessment: (Post-Test)
Multiple Choice. Select the letter of the best answer among the given choices.
1. It is an act deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements made with another
person, entity, or cause, and where the values of integrity and respect serve as a guide
to one's behavior and thinking.
A. Passion C. Commitment
B. Attraction D. Attachment
2. It is a type of love named after ancient Greeks that is considered having a healthy
“self-compassion” love towards one’s self.
A. Philia C. Agape
B. Storge D. Philautia
3. Which of the following influence the person to get attracted to people whom they find
similarities with each other?
A. Physical Attractiveness C. Similarity
B. Proximity D. Reciprocity
4. Which of the following Ancient Greek’s types of love is recommended for your family?
A. Storge, Agape, Philia C. Pragma Eros, Ludus
B. Storge, Eros, Philia D. Storge, Philia, Philautia
5. Which of the following influences the person to get attracted to others whom they find
physically attractive?
A. Physical Attractiveness C. Similarity
B. Proximity D. Reciprocity
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9. It is a type of love named after ancient Greeks that is considered as selfless or
unconditional love.
A. Philia C. Agape
B. Storge D. Philautia
10. Which of the following Ancient Greek’s types of love is recommended for friendship?
11. According to Robert Stenberg, it is the type of love that is an ideal and complete form
of love with intimacy, passion and commitment.
A. Consummate C. Romantic
B.Companionate D. Fatuous
A. You feel good about yourself when you’re around the other person.
B. There is communication, sharing, and trust.
C. You feel fear in your relationship.
D. You feel safe to share secrets.
15. This refers to the close connections between people, formed by emotional
bonds and interactions.
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ACTIVITY 8: Stoplight Analogy
RED LIGHT: These are bad signs in a relationship
1. You are afraid of your friend’s temper.
Your friend threatens to hurt you.
Your friend pressures you to do things you do not want to do.
Your friend criticizes you or the people you care about.
You are nervous that if you tell your friend something personal, he/she will tell other
people at school.
Your friends sometimes make fun of you.
YELLOW LIGHT: These are warning signs in a relationship
Your friend tells you not to hang out with certain people
You say that you agree with your friends, even though you don't. You are afraid they
won't be your friend anymore if you disagree with them.
. You rarely get to plan what the two of you will do together.
Your friend is happy when good things happen to you and celebrates your successes.
Your friend bullies and makes fun of other people at school.
GREENLIGHT: These are good signs in a relationship
You enjoy being with this person but you also enjoy spending time with other friends.
You usually feel happy when you are with this person.
Your friends talk to you about his/her feelings.
Your friend respects your feelings and your opinions.
ACTIVITY 6: Love Combination POST-TEST PRE-TEST
FAMILY = Storge + Agape + Philia 1. C 1. C
FRIENDSHIP=Philia + Storge + Philautia 2. D 2. B
3. C 3. B
SIGNIFICANT OTHER =Pragma +Eros+Ludus
4. A 4. D
5. A 5. C
6. B 6. B
7. A 7. B
8. B 8. A
9. C 9. C
10. D 10. D
11. A 11. A
12. C 12. D
13. A 13. B
14. B 14. D
15. C 15. B
Answer Key
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ACTIVITY 9: Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationship
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
You feel good about yourself when You feel sad, angry, scared, or worried.
you’re around the other person.
You do not try to control each other. You feel that you give more attention to
There is an equal amount of giving and them than they give to you. You feel
take. controlled.
There are communication, sharing and You don’t communicate, share or trust.
trust. You feel safe to share secrets.
You like to spend time together but also You feel fear in your relationship.
enjoy doing things apart.
There is no fear in your relationship. You feel the need to be someone that
It’s easy to be yourself when you are you are not.
with them.
You feel there’s no respect for you or You feel pressured to spend time
your opinion. You are not able to together and you feel guilty when you’re
disagree. both apart from each other.
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