Essay 1

by Elaine Briones

Submission date: 20-Sep-2021 06:57PM (UTC-0500)

Submission ID: 1653387891
File name: Essay_1.docx (27.32K)
Word count: 1220
Character count: 5859
 1

Close up space

INTRO

Title Format

Awk.

Cap. Error
S/V Agreement

WC Thesis

Paragraph Organization

Title Format

Article Error

Prep.
 Proofread

Missing ","

Move beyond a summary

Run-on

Summary NOT = Analysis/Research

 Run-on

Article Error

Article Error

Article Error Verb

Awk.

3
 Confused

P/V

Focus
P/V on task
4

Format References/Works Cited

Essay 1
ORIGINALITY REPORT

1 %
SIMILARITY INDEX
1%
INTERNET SOURCES
0%
PUBLICATIONS
0%
STUDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

1
docslide.us
Internet Source 1%

Exclude quotes On Exclude matches < 3 words

Exclude bibliography On
Essay 1
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

65
Instructor

/100
PAGE 1

QM Close up space
Close up space
Additional Comment

use one Tab to indent

QM INTRO
Intro Needs Work: Must have an interesting, creative opener to grab the attention of the
read right off the bat. Should be followed by transition to the background. Background
should be specific and detailed in such a way as to create a context for the conversation the
essay will present. Lastly, the thesis should also specifically address the how's and why's
your essay will solve

QM Title Format
Error in title format: larger works like book titles or magazine or journal or album titles are in
italics, smaller works like articles, short stories, poems are in quotation marks

QM Awk.
Awkward: The expression or construction is cumbersome or difficult to read. Consider
rewriting.

QM Cap. Error
Capitalization

QM S/V Agreement
Subject-verb agreement: Subjects and verbs should match in number and person. Singular
subjects require singular verbs; plural subjects require plural verbs.
 QM Thesis
Thesis needs work: The thesis is the central idea of your paper around which all your
evidence and claims are organized. Every single paragraph should be dedicated in a clear
way to proving your thesis. In your essay, the thesis should be stated as quickly and as
clearly as possible. In fact, many teachers will expect your thesis statement to appear in the
last sentence of your essay's first paragraph. A vivid thesis statement will announce the
steps of its argument, not just provide a flat statement of the essay's ultimate goal. Think of
the thesis as a roadmap that gives directions to your reader rather than as a picture of your
final destination.
Additional Comment

what genre and text are you analyzing? what are you setting out to prove?

QM WC
Word choice error: Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to
say is very difficult to do. Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the
word or trying too hard to come up with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A
thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're trying to find a word that's similar to, but more
accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can often introduce more problems if
you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning.

QM Paragraph Organization
Disorganized: the ideas here jump around without rhyme or reason. Ask yourself: what
would be the main idea of this paragraph? Here's a clue: making something your first
sentence does not make it the actual main idea of the paragraph if you then veer off and
jump to other topics... EVERY SENTENCE IN THE PARAGRAPH SHOULD BE DEFINING THIS ONE
SAME MAIN IDEA, DESCRIBING IT, EXPLAINING IT, PRESENTING EVIDENCE FOR IT, ETC.
Additional Comment

vaguely categorize tweeters, then give us original tweet, then restate, then provide another
reply, etc-

1 idea = 1 paragraph

QM Title Format
Error in title format: larger works like book titles or magazine or journal or album titles are in
italics, smaller works like articles, short stories, poems are in quotation marks

Article Error You may need to remove this article.

Comment 1
need examples and descriptions to help readers "see" what you mean

Prep. You may be using the wrong preposition.

PAGE 2
 Proofread This part of the sentence contains an error or misspelling that makes your
meaning unclear.

Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks.

QM Move beyond a summary

In argumentative essays, you must do more than summarize the source(s) or give an opinion.
Defend your position by explaining how the evidence you chose supports your claim.

Comment 2
are more detailed categories of the people possible? ethnicity, class, age, culture, etc

also- what do these numbers reveal?

Run-on This sentence may be a run-on sentence.

QM Summary NOT = Analysis/Research

Although a summary of the story or theory IS an essential beginning to an essay, it is not
enough by itself. Research requires analysis of some focused component, that is to say, an
attempt to prove some original idea of yours by the use of arguments that utilize quotes
from the primary and secondary texts as evidence. This original idea (thesis) you are trying
to prove should examine the assumptions of or expose the weaknesses of or react to the
consequences derived from the theory or story.

PAGE 3

Run-on This sentence may be a run-on sentence.

Article Error You may need to remove this article.

Article Error You may need to use an article before this word.

Article Error You may need to use an article before this word. Consider using the article
the.

Verb This verb may be incorrect. Proofread the sentence to make sure you have used the
correct form of the verb.

QM Awk.
Awkward: The expression or construction is cumbersome or difficult to read. Consider
rewriting.

Comment 3
 mostly a music review in this essay

sampling what people felt about the album

not the assignment though

PAGE 4

Confused You have used either an imprecise word or an incorrect word.

P/V You have used the passive voice in this sentence. You may want to revise it using the
active voice.

QM Focus on task
This section of your essay does not appear to be strongly focused on the task. Reread the
assignment and then revise your writing so that each section of your essay works to
effectively respond to all parts of the task.
Additional Comment

The assignment:

identify a genre and analyze a particular example of that genre-

what are the characteristics of the genre?

what are its rules?

how are these used in the text?

by who?

in what community?

for what purpose?

why?

what patterns do you find

You are not answering any of these questions

P/V You have used the passive voice in this sentence. You may want to revise it using the
active voice.

PAGE 5
 Comment 4
need more research sources

QM Format References/Works Cited

The format of this reference list/works cited page is inconsistent (punctuation,
alphabetization, and/or indentation). Revise this list so that all citations follow a consistent
format.
RUBRIC: GENRE ANALYSIS 65 / 100

CONTROL. IDEA 15 / 20

ABOVE AVERAGE Text presents a revelatory controlling idea that guides the text, supported with the
(20) use of relevant sub-claims that further the author’s purpose/ intended meaning of
the text.

AVERAGE Text presents a controlling idea, though it may not be revelatory or clear and is
(15) somewhat supported with sub-claims, though some may seem tangential. Text
presents ideas, but the ideas do not further the author’s purpose.

BELOW AVERAGE Text does not present a controlling idea, nor does the text present sub-claims that
(10) are connected to the claim. Author has simply reported information.

DESCRIPTION 10 / 20

ABOVE AVERAGE Text presents a clear understanding of the concept of description. Text also
(20) presents evidence that demonstrates this understanding.

AVERAGE Text presents an understanding of the concept of description, although it is clear

(15) that that the author stumbles to fully comprehend. Text presents some evidence
to demonstrate the understanding.

BELOW AVERAGE Text presents a clear lack of understanding the concept of description and
(10) presents evidence to demonstrate such.

EVIDENCE 15 / 20

ABOVE AVERAGE Text presents evidence in a logical manner and has been chosen based on
(20) relevance to the controlling idea and ability to further the controlling idea/author’s
purpose.

AVERAGE Text presents evidence for the controlling idea, though not all the selected
(15) evidence furthers the author’s purpose or it is unclear how the evidence works to
do so. Some tangents present.

BELOW AVERAGE Text either does not present any evidence for the controlling idea or the evidence
(10) does not further the author’s purpose and is tangential.

ANALYSIS 10 / 20

ABOVE AVERAGE Text presents a clear understanding of the genre used, how to analyze the text,
(20) and the intended audience. Text clearly understands his/her purpose and uses
the genre as such.

AVERAGE Text seems confused about the purpose of the analysis genre, though the purpose
(15) is accomplished. Evidence of a misunderstanding of audience and how the genre
works for the author’s purpose.
BELOW AVERAGE Text does not present a clear understanding of the intention of the analysis genre,
(10) including the conventions required of the audience and purpose of the genre.

GRAMMAR 15 / 20

ABOVE AVERAGE Style and grammar are mostly appropriate for the assigned genre and audience.
(20) Text appears to have benefited from proofreading and editing.

AVERAGE Style and grammar are somewhat appropriate for the assigned genre and
(15) audience. Text appears to have not benefited from proofreading and editing.

BELOW AVERAGE Style and grammar are mostly inappropriate for the assigned genre and audience.
(10) Text appears not to have been proofread or edited.