0- Something bad

-I did something bad.

What? What did you do?

-Something bad.

Well, duh. Do you not want to tell me what you did?

-Its bad. Its really, really bad.

C’mon, I’m sure its not that bad. Just tell me.

-Its awful. I’m awful.

Look, If you didn’t want to tell me, why did you bring it up?

-I don’t know… I don’t know.

(silence)

-I guess I didn’t want to carry the burden alone.

But you are. You still are. By not telling me, you are. I don’t understand why you wont just tell me.

-But I am not, though! (pause)

-I’m sorry, I never should’ve said anything, I should go.

No! Stay! Its okay, I am sorry.

-I killed someone.

What?!

-Yep.

You’ve killed someone?! You?! Who?!

-Nobody, I didn’t kill anyone. But I wish I had. Killing someone is better and more excusable than
what I actually did. Its awful. I don’t think you understand how big of an awful thing I did. Its awful! I
am awful! I don’t deserve redemption or even your compassion. I’m sorry for scaring you, I am so
awful.

Oh my god, just tell me what you did!

-I cant! I can never tell you what I did. I wont be able to deal with myself after. I wont be able to
drive home after this, get home to my empty apartment and spend the next 12 hours reflecting and
hating and messing in my head about how you’ve seen and heard me say it. You know who I am. I’ve
been vulnerable and trusted you and now you can do anything you want with what I’ve said. Or, or
what if you decide you hate me after I say it because someone else has done the same thing to you,
or your partner, or your mother, or your friend. Now you feel close to the situation and therefore
you get involved, and maybe you get involved to take me down for what I did. You hate me, I lose
you after already losing everything for the awful thing I did. It’ll just be one more thing to lose, one
more choice I shouldn’t have made, and that’s why I am absolutely not making it. I cant tell you. I
can never tell you! I don’t think ill be able to live with myself after.
(silence)

And I don’t think you understand the gravity of what I did.

-Well, if you’d just tell m-

I ruined it. I ruined something so beautiful. Something that I never truly had and probably will never
have again. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve anything good. I don’t deserve to be seating here, in
your car, bothering you with my awful, awful presence. I hate myself and oh my god, I will never
recover. Why did I do it? Why?! (they curl up in the car seat and start to heavily sob)

Babe… Its okay, its okay (they take –‘s hand and lean in to search for tissues in the glove
compartment) Babe, I could never, ever hate you.

-You can never say never.

Right, so you can just tell me.

-I can’t.

Yes, yes you can. I could never hate you because I accept you for everything you have to offer. Even
the bad, even the awful. You can trust me.

-I can’t.

Okay, then you should. It seems as if its really bothering you, and telling me could help. You know, I
could carry the burden with you. I don’t mind.

-Oh god, the burden! I didn’t even think how this would affect you after I mentioned it. If I tell you,
which I wont, you now have to know and live with it too. Your mind will torture you just like mine
has, for years, you will be restless. You wont survive it.

You’re being dramatic now. I consent to you telling me, its okay, Just do it.

-I don’t think I should.

Now you’re stalling. Just go!

-Okay! Fine! Fuck it! I