Hello! Hindi ko alam kung ano ba need ko sabihin.

I’m sorry for disturbing your friend for

this. I just wanted you to read kahit one of my messages lang. How are you? Congrats on
finishing your 1st sem as a college student! You know, I was really looking forward to
hearing your stories about your college life. Feel ko nga mas excited pa ako noon sa ‘yo kasi
alam ko nil-look forward mo rin ‘yon no’ng G12 ka pa lang at nakakapag-usap tayo about
doon. I feel sad na I have no idea kung ano nangyayari sa ‘yo every day sa online class. At
some point, I was worried na baka wala kang napagr-rant-an kasi sabi mo dati hindi ka sanay
na may nakikinig sa mga sinasabi mo kasi feel mo na sometimes it’s too trivial. Pero I know
naman na you have a lot of friends na willing makinig sa ‘yo. I hope ganoon din sa akin. Pero
honestly since last year, you’re the only person na comfortable ako magkwento ng stuff eme
eme ko sa bohai kahit matagal ka mag-reply.
2022 is approaching, and it’s sad na I wouldn’t be able to talk to you sa Christmas like last
year. Nevertheless, you know naman na I always wish the best for you, and I will always
support you. Speaking, congrats sa LUNAS niyo! I’m sorry if na-feel mo na medyo creepy
kasi minessage kita last time sa Zoom. Huhu. I was just hoping na maalala mong may
naghihintay ng replies mo (though hindi ka naman talaga obliged, hehe). ‘Yon yata first time
na makita kita nang live sa screen, and mukha namang okay ka. Sobrang stressed ko no’ng
day 1 niyo kasi ang dami ko ganap pero gumaan kahit paaano pakiramdam ko kasi nakita
kong parang okay ka rin naman. It was nice seeing you smileee!
Ang plano ko talaga ay araw-araw ka i-message this month para magkwento pero December
has been too hard for me. Itong month na yata ‘yong pinakagrabe sa akin this year. Mas grabe
pa nga yata kaysa sa buong 2020 ko eh. Three major subjects namin ang sabay-sabay tapos
sobrang stressful ng topics at assessments, ang sakit sa ulo pagsabay-sabayin. Tapos this
month ko rin parang na-realize na ano. . . parang I am chasing the wrong dream ganoon. Feel
ko this is not for me talaga. Pero I couldn’t stop kasi sayang ‘yong 2 years ko rito at kapag
magsh-shift naman ako, hindi ko alam kung saan kasi Accountancy lang naman talaga ang
choice ko since SHS. Tapos dahil sa Law subject namin, nawalan na rin ako ng tiwala sa
sarili ko na mag-continue pa sa law school. Kasi ‘di ba ang goal ko naman talaga ay maging
lawyer. Kaso grabe sobrang hirap pala talaga magbasa, jusko. Iniyakan ko na lang talaga
‘yong dami ng mga pinapabasa sa amin for recit (na hindi natutuloy kasi busy si Atty.). One
subject pa lang ‘yon, paano pa kaya sa law school? KDJKSSJSK. I hope you’re here. I hope
marinig ko ulit sa ‘yo na kaya ko ‘yon kasi saka lang ako naniniwala sa sarili ko kapag ikaw
na nagp-push sa akin kasi hindi ko naman talaga nakikitang magaling ako. Sksksksk. Bukod
sa acads, sobrang dami pang nangyari this month. I feel like ano. . . everyone’s leaving me
tapos wala ako magawa kundi manahimik na lang kasi ‘di ba sabi nila hindi mo pwedeng i-
force mga tao na mag-stay sa buhay mo. It’s sad. Mas nakaka-sad na wala naman akong
ibang magawa kundi umiyak. The list is too long pero I won’t disclose everything na kasi
baka you feel na ginagawa kitang emotional punching bag. I’m sorry if na-feel mo man na
ganoon na nagagawa ko sa ‘yo. I talked about that no’ng November yata sa convo natin.
Alam mo, palagi pa rin kita iniisip. I would visit our convo kapag madaling araw kasi ayon
‘yong “breakdown moment” ko at kumakalma ako kapag binabasa ko ulit encouraging words
mo until nar-realize ko na you are really different from everyone else na na-meet ko. I wish
you know how much of you there is in everything I do.
Ayooon, this is NOT a farewell message. Gusto ko lang magkwento ganoon. Pero I won’t be
bothering you na next year kasi I believe you deserve peace at pakiramdam ko ako hadlang
doon. I hope we can still talk sometimes. Until now I’m still wondering why you stopped
talking to me kasi we were okay naman (usap as friends) no’ng birthday ko tapos after no’n
wala na. I don’t know if normal ba ‘yong 3 months na walang reply pero wala naman akong
friend na ganoon katagal ako ini-ignore sa Messenger, huhu. Gusto ko lang din malaman if
may nagawa ba akong mali ganoon. I know you’re not obliged to explain it to me kasi we’re
nothing beyond friends naman pero I wish you can clear things out with me so I can also be
at peace na. I don’t know if we’re still friends because we haven’t had a proper conversation
for a while na and I feel like it’s kinda weird ganoon, pero I hope you still see me as a friend.
Feel ko it will be hard for me to open up to someone again pero siguro okay na ‘yon para mas
mapa-realize ko sa sarili ko na I should not depend on anyone para maging okay ako.
I will still wait for the time na ready ka na kausapin ako because you will always be welcome
in my life. I truly treasure all the memories and things we shared, and I hope you also feel the
same. I genuinely hope na we remain as friends (kahit sa utak lang natin kung hindi na talaga
tayo mag-uusap ulit) even if we won’t regularly talk na.
I always believe in you, Engineer Espiritu!! Always remember na there’s someone who will
not stop believing in you even if you stop believing in yourself. Advance Merry Christmas

and Happy New Year! I hope 2022 will be good to you. 😊

P.S. Kung may ir-reply ka man tapos ayaw mo buksan convo natin, pwede huwag mo na lang
ipadaan kay Jeo? Sa gmail na lang, IG, or what. :<

- Ella