Do we say what we think?

'It’s raining cats and dogs!' Although this phrase is not very common in England any
more, it clearly shows how we don’t always say what we mean. One thing that is often
frustrating for language learners is that they understand every word in a sentence and
yet the meaning remains unclear - like this sentence that actually means 'it’s raining
very heavily!' However, it’s not just idioms that cause difficulties for people learning
English.

The British are often considered to be polite and courteous but this can be very
confusing for non-native speakers. We often don’t say what we are thinking - in fact we
often say the opposite! Here’s an example that will hopefully explain what I mean:

'You should come round for tea!'

Is this a genuine invitation or is the person just being polite? Stereotypically, British
people are less open than people from other cultures, so we aren’t as quick to invite
people into our homes. This phrase is one of those that we say but often don’t really
mean, so when no further details are given, you can probably assume it was made in the
name of politeness! But how does this compare to other countries?

When I lived in India, lots of people would invite me into their homes but I always
assumed that they were just being polite. Of course, I was wrong. The invitations were
almost always genuine, and people expected me to visit them. I was always surprised by
how welcoming people were. In fact, I think I spent more time at other people’s houses
than my own!

This summer, whilst working in Austria, one of my flatmates made me think about
invitations again. She invited me to join her and her boyfriend for a meal out. Although
touched by the invitation, I immediately assumed that she was just being polite so I told
her that I didn’t want to intrude. She replied with, 'If I didn’t want you to come, I
wouldn’t have invited you in the first place!'

This highlighted to me that politeness is culturally defined. In England, we often think

it’s polite to offer or suggest something even if we don’t actually want to do it, whereas
in other cultures people are more direct. Perhaps if English people just say what they
were thinking, things would be a lot easier – especially for non-native speakers!