1.

Line graph

The line graph illustrates the average monthly change in the price of copper, nickel
and zinc in 2014. ???There is a DECLINING trend for percentage change in price com-
pared with previous month of three meats in the first half year and a upstreaming
trend in the second half year.???

This is quite strange? Meat?! They are metals! it’s very confusingly written…

NICKEL started highest but was lowest by the end

ZINC started low but was the highest in the end

COPPER started in the middle and despite changes, it was still the middle finally

The nickel started from the highest monthly percentage change in price (6%) in Janu-
ary and then dramatically declined until reaching its lowest point (-3%) in June. The
copper began at its peak (2%) in January and witnessed relatively moderate drop be-
fore reaching its lowest point in May and June. Starting at 1%, the monthly price
change percentage of Zinc reached its peak (3%) in February prior to the steadily de-
crease until June.

From July to September, three meats remain the same percentage change in price
compared with its previous month. For the second half year, only zinc experience
positive percentage price changes every month. For nickel and copper, the price
change percentage based on the past month remained negative number between
July and October and rose to positive number in November and December.

You’re trying to talk about THREE THINGS in both paragraphs

I maybe would have started with NICKEL (highest) and ZINC (lowest) in the first para-

graph. Then I would have used COPPER for the second paragraph. Remember how I
divided the countries in the essay?

I’ll give you another line graph and you can try again!

https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-task-1-line-graph-model-score-9/

You can follow the link above if you need any help!

2. People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new
country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argued that immigrants who moved to a new territOry have to follow
local customs and traditions. Paraphrase! While I agree that adapting to the local
culture is imperative for newcomerS to fit in the community, I think people still have
right to refuse when their belief is on the opposED to the culture in theIR new nation.
Okay, some grammar stuff, but your overview makes sense!

Firstly, FOREIGNERS who move to A new country can DEVELOP FRIENDSHIPS (better
vocabulary?) when they embrace the local traditions and customs. It's the best way
for a newcomer to start a conversation with residents by asking ABOUT THE legend
of a traditionAL festival. By participating in the festival, a person who relocated to a
new nation can become more familiar with local citizens. Through eating special
dishes, having barbeques with residents, a foreigner can enjoy the friendship with lo-
cal citizens. For example, when a foreigner who moves to Taiwan discusses the Moon
festival with a Taiwanese, local residents are usually pleased to share the story BE-
HIND this traditional celebration.

(IDEA) However, immigrants may feel offended in some circumstances when experi-
encing the custom of new country. (EXAMPLE) In some Asian countries, people eat
dog meat as daily dishes on their dinning table. For those foreigners who immigrate
from other nations regard dogs as their friends, they would feel shocked toward this
custom. (EXTEND) In this situation, it's reasonable for them to refuse to follow the lo-
cal tradition of eating dog meat. (EXTEND)

It’s a short paragraph and the structure seems to have disappeared.

‘dog meat’ is very specific. That should be part of your EXAMPLE and you should
develop the idea of being offended more logically. Remember:

PRESENT
EXTEND
EXTEND
SUPPORT

That’s what it says to do in the band descriptors, so do that!

In conclusion, immigrants had better learning and respecting the culture in the new
country BUT only when the traditionS and customs have no conflict toward their own
beliefS. While I believe newcomers should get used to the culture in theIR new na-
tion, THEY should not be forced to accept thingS WHICH they are disagree with.

Messy grammar in your conclusion… did you get tired? ;-)

The good news is… it’s not bad

The bad news is… it’s not *very* good

It’s okay!

Band 5.5. I think with a better Task 1, it could have been Band 6.