Conflict Management

Candyce Reynolds, Ph.D..

University Studies
Conflict

What is it?
Conflict

Why do we
do it?
Conflict

Why do we
care?
 Goals for Today
 Understand the nature of conflict in
human relationships
 Identify ways that conflict can be positive
or negative
 Examine a framework for analyzing
conflict situations
 Analyze a personal conflict
 What we know….
 Conflict is a naturally occurring
phenomenon for human beings
 People do not get involved in conflict
situations unless they have some stake in
the relationship or outcome or both
 What we know….
 One can never truly resolve conflict, one
can only manage conflict
 The costs of unmanaged conflict can be
high, but the gains from using differences
creatively can also be great
 Conflict can either be productive or
dysfunctional
First Trick for Conflict
Management
Know Yourself
What feelings do you
have when you are in
conflict situation?
 Common Feelings
Associated with Conflict
Anger
Frustration
Fear
Excitement
 Common Actions
Associated with Conflict
Fight Flight
 Your History with Conflict
 How was conflict perceived in your
family/community?
 How did your family/community
deal with conflict?
 You can decide...
 Understanding the impact of your
family and community on your ideas
about conflict can allow you to make
decisions about how you deal with
conflict now
 We are our history
 We make our history
What is your conflict
style?
 Conflict Styles
R
E High Importance
L
A 3 5
T
I
O 4
N
S 1 2
H
I
P High
Low Importance Importance
GOALS
 Conflict Styles
R
E High Importance
L
A 3 5
T
I
O 4
N
S 1--Turtle 2
H
I
P High
Low Importance Importance
GOALS
 Turtle--Withdrawing
 Avoid conflict as all costs
 Give up their personal goals &
relationships
 Believe it is hopeless to try to resolve
conflict
 Feel helpless
 Easier to withdraw than face conflict
 Conflict Styles
R
E High Importance
L
A 3 5
T
I
O 4
N
S 1 2--Shark
H
I
P High
Low Importance Importance
GOALS
 Shark--Forcing
 Try to overpower opponents by forcing them
to accept their solutions
 Not concerned with needs of others
 Do not care about how others perceive them
 Believe in winning and losing
 Winning gives them a sense of pride
 Try to win by attacking, overwhelming, &
intimidating others
 Conflict Styles
R
E High Importance
L
A 3--Teddy Bear 5
T
I
O 4
N
S 1 2
H
I
P High
Low Importance Importance
GOALS
 Teddy Bear--Smoothing
 Relationships most important, goals of
little importance
 Want to be accepted and liked by other
people
 Believe conflict should be avoided in
favor of harmony
 Fearful that conflict will hurt someone
 Conflict Styles
R
E High Importance
L
A 3 5
T
I
O 4--Fox
N
S 1 2
H
I
P High
Low Importance Importance
GOALS
 Fox--Compromising
 Moderately concerned with relationships
and goals
 Willing to sacrifice part of their goals
and relationships in order to find
agreement for the common good
 Conflict Styles
R
E High Importance
L
A 3 5--Owl
T
I
O 4
N
S 1 2
H
I
P High
Low Importance Importance
GOALS
 Owl--Confronting
 Value their own goals and relationships
 View conflicts as problems to be solved
 See conflicts as improving relationships
by reducing tension
 Seek solutions that satisfy both parties
 Not satisfied until solution is found and
tension is reduced
Which style is better?
Some styles are more
useful than others
when...
 Uses of the “Turtle”
 When issue is trivial
 When potential damage of confrontation
outweighs the benefits
 To let people cool down & reduce tension
 When gathering information
 When others can resolve the conflict
more effectively
 Uses of the “Shark”
 When quick, decisive action is vital
 On important issues where unpopular
actions need to be implemented
 To protect yourself against people who
take advantage of noncompetitive
behavior
 Uses of “Teddy Bear”
 When you realize you are wrong
 To learn from others
 When issue is more important to the
other person than to yourself
 As a goodwill gesture to maintain
cooperative relationship
 To allow others to experiment
 Uses of “Fox”
 When goals are important, but not worth
the effort or disruption
 When opponents with equal power are
strongly committed
 To achieve temporary settlements to
complex issues
 Uses of “Owl”
 To find an integrative solution when both
sides are too important to compromise
 When your objective is to learn
 To work through hard feelings which
have been interfering with a relationship
Second Trick for Conflict
Management
 Understand Process of
Conflict
intervene

Expectations (explicit)
Experience Unfulfilled
Anticipation (implicit) Expectations

Gather Resentments
Give up evidence for Build
a case
Why & how do we get in
conflict situations?
 The issues

The facts: present situation, problems

The goals: how things ought to be, the future
conditions sought

The methods: the best, the easiest, the quickest,
the most ethical

The values: the beliefs about priorities that
should be observed in choosing goals & methods

The history: what has gone on before
 Components of a Conflict
Situation
 Frustration--when you feel blocked.
 Conceptualization of problem-- “What’s
going on?”
 Conceptualization of behaviors &
intentions-- “What does that mean?”
 Outcome--emotional, cognitive,
behavioral
 Types of Conflict
Positive Dysfunctional
Productive Unproductive
Depersonalized Personalized
Focused on Issues Focused on Feelings
Cooperative Competitive
 What can we do???
How do we intervene???
 Accept that you will have conflict
 Work toward having positive vs.
dysfunctional conflict
 Use conflict management skills
– De-escalation
– “I”- Messages
 Indicators of Escalation
 Competition  Dealing in
 Righteousness personalities
 Not Listening
 Threats
 Spreading to new
 Intentional Hurt
issues  Violating Social
Rules
 Indicators of De-escalation
 Listening. Trying  Appeals to De-
to understand. escalate.
 Showing Tact.  Airing feelings.
Concern for  Finding
other’s feelings. alternatives.
 Goodwill gestures.
 “I”-Messages
Describe:
 Behavior

 Feelings

 Consequence

Beware of war words!!

 Analyzing a Conflict
Situation
 Conflict was between________
 It centered around_________
 I wanted___________
 and felt frustrated because __________
 In my view, the key issue was _______
 The other person probably thought the
key issue was ___________
 Analyzing a Conflict
Situation
 Predominant conflict style I used_____
 Escalation behaviors I used________
 De-escalation behaviors I used______
 Major outcomes_____________
 Differences over: facts, goals, methods,
values, history___________
 What would I do differently next time?
 Small Group
 Break into small groups
 Take 7 minutes to fill out sheet. Write about
problem that you are willing to share with
group. (Could be something that has happened
in your group!)
 Share worksheet with group
 Get feedback about possible alternative ways of
viewing and/or handling conflict
 Discuss common themes
 Large Class
 Each group share their common themes
 Questions, comments