This experience that I have encountered dealing with a peer undergoing stress happened to me

few week ago. This may not be stress due to school but this is also something to share as this young boy,
who’s a good friend of mine, reached out to me and shared his stress caused by his friends and the way
how these friends of him react to his behavior.

We went outside to buy a milk tea, which is probably everyone’s favorite, and so he asked his
friend if she could hold his keys for a minute as he will finish his drink first, and his friend reacted
aggressively, and so immediately he turned silent. He walked with us silently, and that’s when I noticed
he felt bad. After that, I drove my motorcycle and he hopped on it, and there he spoke, “Kuya Klein,
pwede mag-share sa’yo?”, and I immediately responded without hesitation, “Syempre naman, ano
yun?”. I know at that exact moment, it’s about what happened earlier that night. He shared, and I was
right. He exclaimed, “Bawal ba ako magtampo sa kanila kapag nakakagawa sila ng masakit sakin? Mga
ate at matatanda kasi sila sakin eh. Lagi sila nagagalit sakin, pero kapag ako bawal kaya hindi na lang ako
nagagalit” and he kept on sharing and I listened. Afterwards I replied, “Wala namang tamang category
kung kailan ka pwede mag-tampo at ma-feel sad, kasi iba iba tayo. Kung sa’yo na-offend ka, it’s valid,
kasi it’s your emotions, it’s you afterall. Kung na-invalidate ka nila, it’s you afterall, it’s your emotions.
Ngayon kung sabihin nila na mababaw kang tao, iba iba tayo. Iba iba tayo ng experience, pwede sa
kanila mababaw at sa’yo naman hindi. The severity of emotions depends on the person’s experience,
kaya it’s okay to feel that exact way. Hindi mo macocontrol ang mag-tampo lalo na nasaktan ka, pero
what you can control is how you react back to them. Be kind. Not just to them, but also to yourself. Kaya
kung ano man ang nararamdman mo after what they did, it’s valid, yet be kind for both sides.”

That’s where I did what Ma’am Riyan Portuguez, Your Millenial Psychologist, mentioned, “Kapag
may lumapit sa inyo, listen, and assure them na they are valid” and I think that’s when I felt that I am
successful as a peer. After that conversation I see him as someone with more confidence – confidence in
his emotions and I see him better after that. It’s always best to remember that whenever someone
reaches you, especially your peer, make them feel valid as a whole, understood, and whatever emotions
they have are completely okay for their existence.

Boiser, Klein Xavier

2nd Year BS Psychology
PHINMA Saint Jude College

Bulleted points for sharing:

 Very short sharing to personal experience
 Giving validation boost self-confidence and reciprocates self-care
 Elaborate why validation is empowering self-care