The Weekend People

a play in two acts

by Tom Rowan

Draft Four (February, 2020)

Elaine Devlin Literary, Inc.

411 Lafayette Street - 6th floor
New York, NY 10003
212-842-9030
edevlinlit@aol.com

Tom Rowan
403 W. 40th Street
Apt. 3RE
New York, NY 10018
212-398-2389
TLRowan@hotmail.com
www.tomrowan.net
CAST OF CHARACTERS

CLAIRE BURGESS, late 50s, widow of a recently deceased oil and gas tycoon

JEAN HOLT, mid 80s, Claire’s mother and a celebrated author

TRIP BURGESS, 31, Claire’s elder son, now running his late father’s company

STEPHANIE BURGESS, 30, Trip’s wife

COLIN BURGESS, 29, Claire’s younger son

HENRY WHITCOMBE, 50s, the director of a summer theatre company

MELISSA, 22, an actress, Asian-American

BRET, 21, an actor

LUCAS, 24, a hired hand

SETTING:
The porch and yard in front of Jean Holt’s farmhouse in the Catskill Mountains, New York State

TIME:
The present; early summer

1
ACT ONE

Scene One

(The porch and front yard of a farmhouse in the Catskill Mountains; mid-morning. The house
has been maintained with a mixture of love and laziness. It’s cozy and comfortable but there are
fixtures that need to be repaired and curtains that should have been replaced by now; the
exterior siding and shutters haven’t been painted in at least ten years.

We see the front entrance; the heavy door is wide open but the screen door is shut to keep out
flies and mosquitoes. There are also a couple of windows on the porch, and through the curtains
a bit of the dimly lit front room is visible. An artist’s easel sits at one end of the porch, the
canvas facing upstage and covered by a light drop cloth; nearby are a glider long enough to seat
two and a small, low wooden table.

A short flight of wooden steps leads down off the porch to the yard, where there is a large maple
tree; hanging from a low branch is a simple swing made of ropes with a plank of wood for the
seat. A redwood picnic table with two benches, a tree stump, and an Adirondack chair provide
places to sit in the yard—as of course does the grass. The lawn has been recently mowed, though
a couple of flower beds up against the porch don’t look to be well-maintained at present. Still,
the overall impression is that of an inviting place to spend a lazy summer day.

CLAIRE BURGESS opens the screen door and comes out on the porch, followed by HENRY
WHITCOMBE, with whom she is in mid-conversation. Looking younger than her years, CLAIRE
is svelte and fit in linen slacks, a tube top, and a flowing, open cotton tunic that looks a little too
chic to be an artist’s smock, though there are a few colorful paint stains on it. HENRY is also
dapper in an Oxford-cloth shirt and light summer blazer.)

HENRY
It’s so generous of you to help out with this again, Claire.

CLAIRE
Oh, it’s our pleasure. I only wish we had space for a third, but I have to keep a couple rooms
open for the family when they come up on weekends. Trip’s schedule is so unpredictable now
that he’s running the company. Won’t you sit for a moment? (She gestures to the glider.)

HENRY
(Looks at his watch) Oh, I think I can spare a few more minutes. Rehearsal doesn’t start till
eleven. (He sits on the glider, which shifts and groans squeakily.)

CLAIRE
(Seating herself beside him) Walt was always telling me to replace this creaky old thing but I
think it has character.

HENRY
It’s still hard to believe he’s gone. How long has it been since...

2
 CLAIRE
Last fall. It was just before Thanksgiving.

HENRY
Oh, Claire. I can only imagine how much you must miss him.

CLAIRE
Indeed. (She nods.) But I’d been missing him for a long time, if truth be told. Years, actually.

HENRY
(Taken aback) Okay...?

CLAIRE
(Smiling suddenly) Can I offer you anything? Carlotta made iced tea.

HENRY
I really only have a few minutes. As I said, it’s lovely of you to take the kids in. Now that the
company has gotten so large, it’s harder than ever to find housing for everybody.

CLAIRE
Say no more: It’s our pleasure! The Witch enjoys having young people in the house. And they’re
gone most of the day anyway so it’s really no trouble.

HENRY
Melissa and Bret are old friends; they overlapped at Middlebury. Normally we wouldn’t put an
intern in with one of the leading actresses, but since they know each other so well they asked to
be together.

CLAIRE
Melissa’s one of the leads? In which show?

HENRY
She’s our Juliet. I’m directing.

CLAIRE
Well aren’t we getting cutting edge?

HENRY
How do you mean?

CLAIRE
Well, I know that sort of casting is all the rage down in the city. But Juliet wasn’t really oriental,
was she?

HENRY
(Winces politely) Please say “Asian” if you don’t mind; “Oriental” is considered...

3
 CLAIRE
Old fashioned? Politically incorrect?

HENRY
Let’s say “culturally insensitive,” these days.

CLAIRE
Oh goodness, I could never keep up with all those rules! And Walt as you probably remember
had no patience for it.

HENRY
I do remember. Anyway, she’s terrific. Bret’s a year or two younger; he’s a member of our intern
program, understudy roles and such.

CLAIRE
You know I always look forward to opening night.

HENRY
I’m afraid when you come you’ll notice the Playhouse is looking pretty... ramshackle these days.

CLAIRE
Oh, but that’s always been part of its charm! It still looks a little bit like the barn we played in as
kids.

HENRY
It needs to be renovated again, desperately. For safety purposes. And you know it’s my dream to
winterize too, so we can do a full-year season.

CLAIRE
I don’t know who you think would show up in the winter, Henry. It’s mainly the weekend people
who are your patrons now, isn’t it? The locals couldn’t care less about the arts and most of them
can’t afford tickets anyway.

HENRY
Well there are “weekends” all year round, aren’t there? Some families drive up from the city
every Friday. And we draw audience from a pretty wide radius these days.

CLAIRE
I hope it all works out the way you want it to, Henry. I’ve always believed in the work you do.

HENRY
Naming rights are available of course, if someone were to give enough for a thorough
renovation, or better yet a new theatre.

CLAIRE
Oh dear, Henry. I love helping out with the housing, but I’m afraid we didn’t even make our

4
annual contribution this year.

HENRY
You haven’t yet.

CLAIRE
It’s all still so soon. Walt’s Will is going to be tied up in probate for I don’t know how long. His
evil brother out in California, who hasn’t even spoken to us in almost fifteen years, is one of
several people challenging it. He claims Walt undervalued the oil company when they were
dividing up Walter Senior’s estate back in the early nineties, and therefore his side of the family
didn’t get their due. So he’s using Walt’s death as an opportunity to try to, as he calls it, “rectify”
that, which Trip thinks is just reprehensible and I agree. It’s all such a mess. So my hands are
tied at the moment, I’m afraid; Trip says we have to hold off on most of the philanthropy until
we find out just what we’re going to be up against. (HENRY nods.) Can I show you something
though?

HENRY
Of course.

CLAIRE
(She stands and moves hesitantly to the easel.) I’ve been doing some... creative work of my own
and I’d just love to get your thoughts. (She starts to remove the drop cloth.)

HENRY
(He rises and follows her.) You’ve been painting?

CLAIRE
(Playing it shy) I took a couple classes in the city this winter, and I’ve been ordering books on
acrylic technique. It’s so new but... (She uncovers the painting.) Anyway, this is my latest. Not
nearly finished, of course. I call it “The Barn at Dawn.”

HENRY
Oh Claire, it’s lovely. (Looking out downstage where he sees the real barn) You’ve really
captured the charm of the building.

CLAIRE
I need to finish it, but the angle of the light has to be the same. Six in the morning, like the day I
started it last week.

HENRY
There’s a wonderful freshness to it.

CLAIRE
I’m just an amateur of course. But “amateur”—that word really means someone who does it for
love, right?

5
 HENRY
(Gazing at the painting and nodding) I can see the love in it. Love for the old barn, for this farm.

CLAIRE
Oh, stop! You’re too generous. I’m scared to show it to Trip and Colin; what if they make fun of
me?

HENRY
Make fun of their talented mother? They wouldn’t dare! I really have to get back for rehearsal.

CLAIRE
It’s been so lovely seeing you. Do come for lunch one day next week.

HENRY
I’ll take you up on that.

CLAIRE
Should I call Melissa and... what’s the boy’s name again?

HENRY
Bret. No, give them time to finish unpacking. We’re rehearsing the Agatha Christie play this
afternoon; neither of them is in it.

CLAIRE
All right, my dear. We’ll take good care of them for you. Have a nice rehearsal.

HENRY
And do please consider what we talked about?

CLAIRE
You know I’ll do what I can. Call me about next week!

HENRY
Bye, Claire.

(She sends him off with a peck on the cheek, then goes back to the easel and surveys her
painting critically. She turns and calls offstage:)

CLAIRE
Lucas!

LUCAS’S VOICE
(Off) Yeah?

CLAIRE
Be a dear and come talk to me for a minute please.

6
 (LUCAS, the young handyman, comes around from behind the house. Tall and broad-
shouldered, he wears jeans and a dirty T-shirt.)

LUCAS
Yes ma’am; what can I do for you?

CLAIRE
How is it going in the flower beds?

LUCAS
Okay... I think. Tough to say. I can’t quite tell if I’m pulling up weeds or... something I shouldn’t
be pulling up...

CLAIRE
(With a laugh) Don’t worry about it then.

LUCAS
I mean you hired me as a handyman, right? Never claimed I was a gardener.

CLAIRE
Right you are. I just thought if you wanted to put in a few hours a week in the garden, the extra
pay might come in handy.

LUCAS
It would.

CLAIRE
And of course it’s always lovely having you around. I’d keep you all day if there was enough to
do.

LUCAS
Okay... It’s just that, if you need somebody who really knows his way around a flower garden, I
might not be your guy.

CLAIRE
Understood. You know I’ve done the gardening myself almost every summer for the past, I don’t
know, it must be more than twenty years! I always enjoyed it. Except of course there were years
when we weren’t here as much. When we’d spend part of the summer in Colorado, or in DC...
wherever Walt needed to be for business really. So sometimes I’d have to hire someone to fill in
the gaps. But I’d have been on my knees in the flower beds every morning if I’d had my way, I
did love it so.

LUCAS
But not this year?

7
 CLAIRE
I can’t face it this year, isn’t that funny? Strange! I still want to be outdoors, but I need to be
painting. Or... something. I don’t know; I need to be creating something!

LUCAS
Sure. Thing is, I’m going to start tending bar three nights a week in the hotel. Stan Barkley, he
was a couple years ahead of me at the high school, he said he needs somebody reliable.

CLAIRE
Oh, dear, I’d hate to see you have to take that on, on top of everything else. You’ll barely get any
sleep.

LUCAS
It’s not that big a deal. The bar’s dead by ten most nights.

CLAIRE
But won’t that change when the Playhouse season opens?

LUCAS
Maybe. Anyways, I’ve got to get home and drive my dad to a doctor’s appointment. It’s clear
over to Liberty.

CLAIRE
All right. Just show me what you got done in the garden before you go?

(He nods and the two of them exit stage left and behind the house. After a brief moment,
MELISSA and BRET come out of the screen door onto the porch. She looks fetching in a
short, flowered sundress; he is lithe in shorts and a tank top.)

MELISSA
You got the better room I think.

BRET
Nuh-uh. Yours is bigger. And nicer antiques.

MELISSA
I’m just afraid it’s going to be noisy.

BRET
Noisy? Why?

MELISSA
They put me right above the kitchen. I could hear people talking.

BRET
Wanna trade? I’d love to be able to eavesdrop on the juicy family conversations.

8
 MELISSA
You’re terrible.

BRET
I’m serious. I googled the Burgess family and they’re actually very famous and kind of
unbelievable.

MELISSA
Local celebrities?

BRET
Not just local. The dad, who just died last year, was this huge oil and gas tycoon. He was on the
list of the richest men in the state, like number nine or something.

MELISSA
Hmm. “The one percent.”

BRET
But not only that, they’re like super-influential like politically. They have this family foundation
that gives millions of dollars to different like, political action groups or something.

MELISSA
Staunch Democrats I assume.

BRET
Nope, that’s the thing. They’re known for putting huge amounts of money behind ultra-
conservative Republican candidates and shit.

MELISSA
Are you sure? Mrs. Burgess seems so nice.

BRET
The wives always do. They have to be gracious hostesses and entertain all the shady politicians
and Russian oligarchs their husbands do business with. She probably had no idea what he was
really involved with.

MELISSA
(Dubious) But you’re going to find out.

BRET
Maybe. I’m hoping the sons put in an appearance at some point. The older son is some kind of
business whiz and people think he has aspirations to run for office.

MELISSA
Great.

9
 BRET
And the younger son is supposed to be hot.

MELISSA
And you know this how?

BRET
Margie, from the costume shop? She told me he was around part of last summer. Never came to
the shows or met anybody but they used to see him taking his rowboat out across the lake early
in the morning, all by himself, in a billowy white shirt.

MELISSA
(Dubious) “Billowy”?

BRET
The girls would spy on him from the terrace outside the Playhouse. She said he looked sad and
lonely and romantic, like a character out of E.M. Forster or Emily Wall.

MELISSA
(Gives him a look) I’m guessing that was Evelyn Waugh?

BRET
Sure. What did she write?

MELISSA
Bret, don’t get distracted. You’ve never done summer stock before; I have.

BRET
Your point being?

MELISSA
We have three plays to do! Demanding plays. You’ll barely have time to eat, not to mention
study your lines and try to get maybe four hours of sleep a night.

BRET
Yeah, what lines? I’m playing servants.

MELISSA
You’re understudying Romeo!

BRET
Steve won’t ever call out.

MELISSA
He might.

10
 BRET
No way. He’s like the healthiest person I’ve ever met.

MELISSA
But what if he gets called back to LA to do reshoots on his series or something?

BRET
(Shrugs) Then I’ll cram it the night before.

MELISSA
You are going to get in so much trouble if you don’t take this seriously.

BRET
“Seriously”? It’s summer stock! In the Catskills! We owe it to ourselves to have adventures,
romantic or otherwise.

MELISSA
This role is enough of an adventure for me, thank you very much.

BRET
But there’s a lake; we can go sailing. And mountains! I haven’t been rock climbing since high
school. And nightlife!—kinda sorta. There’s a bar in the hotel where the directors and the guest
artists are staying. And you know I love to go dancing!

MELISSA
It’s a small bar with a TV. They watch sports. I don’t think they have dancing.

BRET
They will when I show up. Come on, Mel. You’re playing Juliet for gosh sake! You owe it to
yourself to fall in love and get your heart broken. I’ve already been in love twice, and I’m almost
two years younger than you!

MELISSA
In case you’ve forgotten I have a very nice boyfriend in the city.

BRET
Which is like, two hundred miles away. And cell phones barely work up here! What he doesn’t
know won’t hurt... anybody.

(LUCAS comes back, putting on a knapsack.)

BRET
And as if on cue! (He gives MELISSA a mischievous look, then back to LUCAS.) Hello there;
who are you?

11
 LUCAS
(Wary) Um, I’m Lucas. I do work around the place for Mrs. Burgess.

BRET
Hi, Lucas.

LUCAS
You guys must be the actors.

BRET
That’s right. This is Melissa. And I’m Bret—with one T. (Beat) Some people spell it with two...

LUCAS
Um, okay. I don’t think I’ll probably be writing to you but thanks for the info.

BRET
(Taken aback) No problem...

LUCAS
(Holding out his hand) Nice to meet you, Melissa.

MELISSA
Same here, Lucas.

LUCAS
Don’t let the family freak you out. They’re nice enough when you get to know them.

MELISSA
That’s great! We have been hearing some... (She glances at BRET) rumors and things.

LUCAS
Well if they told you there’s a witch who lives in the attic...

MELISSA
(Laughs) No no, nothing that crazy.

LUCAS
Actually that one’s true.

MELISSA
(Beat) Okay.

LUCAS
I’ve gotta split, but I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.

12
 BRET
I’m sure you will. (LUCAS goes.) What’s his problem?

MELISSA
He seemed nice enough.

BRET
To you maybe. (Intrigued, he grins.) A witch who lives in the attic!

MELISSA
He was probably just playing with us.

BRET
Not necessarily! You know the Catskill Mountains and the Hudson River Valley have always
been just full of witches and ghosts. Elves, and talking bears... headless people on horseback!

MELISSA
Oh, please.

BRET
No no; there’s books! I’ve done the research.

MELISSA
Okay. Well while you’re wasting your time on that nonsense, I’m going to go to the Playhouse
and work on my lines. I think the small rehearsal studio’s free for an hour or so.

BRET
I’ll drive you. Just let me get my backpack.

(He turns to go back into the house just as JEAN HOLT enters from left. She is wearing a
long denim skirt and a baggy black sweater with a hood, thrown back to show her full
head of long, snow-white hair, and is carrying a basket of fresh-picked blackberries.
BRET stops cold and stares at her for a moment.)

JEAN
Good morning.

BRET
Hey, uh... Good morning! (Beat) Are you the witch?

JEAN
(Deadpan) However did you guess? (Without another word she turns, climbs the steps to the
porch, and goes into the house with her blackberries. BRET turns back to MELISSA, wide-eyed.)

BRET
Told ya.

13
Scene Two

(A hot afternoon, a few days later. The lights come up on an empty stage, and then COLIN
BURGESS comes slowly on from stage right. COLIN is a boyish twenty-nine, tall and very
slender, with fine features, pale skin, and hair that’s currently too long and unkempt. He does
indeed look a little bit like an Evelyn Waugh character, though he’s dressed very casually in
jeans and an expensive but well-worn leather jacket. The backpack he wears and the duffle bag
he carries are also high-end but appear somewhat battered. As does COLIN himself. He’s
limping a little bit and unsteady on his feet. Reaching the center of the lawn, he turns and takes a
long and somewhat emotional look up at the house, then staggers to the picnic table and sits
down heavily on one of the benches. He peels off his jacket; the T-shirt underneath is drenched
in sweat and sticking to his overly lean frame. Leaning on the table, he puts his head down on his
arms. He is very still for a moment, until CLAIRE comes out of the house, carrying a palette and
a selection of acrylic paints. She starts to set up near the easel, then happens to glance at the
picnic table and sees her son.)

CLAIRE
Oh goodness me. (She starts down the porch steps.) Colin? Is that really you?

COLIN
(Jolted to his senses, he sits up and rubs his eyes.) It’s me, Mom.

CLAIRE
Where on earth did you come from?

COLIN
Neverneverland.

CLAIRE
But seriously; aren’t you supposed to be in Philadelphia? At least until next month if I remember
correctly.

COLIN
I checked out early.

CLAIRE
Does your brother know about this?

COLIN
He might by now if they called him. I sort of escaped, actually.

CLAIRE
“Escaped”??

COLIN
There are things we need to talk about. As a family. Are Trip and Stephanie here?

14
 CLAIRE
They should be, shortly. They dropped the twins off at camp this morning. The plan was to be
back by dinner time.

COLIN
(Nods) Okay; good.

CLAIRE
Darling, you look a sight. Are you alright? How did you get here?

COLIN
I took a Greyhound bus to Monticello, then hitched a ride as far as the general store in town.
Walked the rest of the way.

CLAIRE
You hitch-hiked?

COLIN
A very nice truck driver.

CLAIRE
And walked from Mulligan’s? That’s almost three miles!

COLIN
(Trying to stretch out his lower back) Tell me about it.

CLAIRE
Why didn’t you call a cab? Or a car service?

COLIN
I spent the last of my cash on the bus ticket.

CLAIRE
You should have called me!

COLIN
My phone’s dead too...

CLAIRE
I would have driven to Monticello to meet you! Or sent Lucas! Oh darling, let me give you a
hug.

COLIN
Careful; I’m drenched. I think I have a slight fever.

15
 CLAIRE
(Touching his forehead) I think you do. My poor baby. Let’s get some lunch in you and put you
to bed, and then we’ll talk when Trip gets here.

COLIN
I think a shower is what I need.

CLAIRE
Whatever you want, absolutely. I can’t believe you came all this way all by yourself! At least
you’re home now, safe and sound.

COLIN
It’s good to see you. You look wonderful.

CLAIRE
Let’s get you unpacked and settled. (Suddenly remembering something) But oh no! Oh dear...

COLIN
What?

CLAIRE
I just remembered I put Bret in your room!

COLIN
Who’s Bret?

CLAIRE
One of the young actors from the Playhouse. They asked us to house a couple of them again this
year; I thought we’d have room for two.

COLIN
Don’t worry; put me anyplace.

CLAIRE
(She leads him up the steps; he takes the duffle bag but leaves the backpack.) I’m thinking. How
about the second-floor den? It’s small, but I think the couch is pretty comfortable--

COLIN
You mean the gun room?

CLAIRE
Oh, let’s not call it that.

COLIN
I’ll sleep in the barn.

16
 (And he goes into the house, letting the screen door slam shut behind him. Flustered and
concerned, CLAIRE wrings her hands and paces the yard.)

CLAIRE
(To herself) Oh dear me. Dear me! What next, what next, what next?

(She sits down at the picnic table and eyes COLIN’s backpack suspiciously. She
considers looking inside it but thinks better of it, then hears a car on the gravel driveway
offstage right. The car stops, and after a moment TRIP and STEPHANIE BURGESS
appear: a power couple in summer khakis and polo shirts, both wearing sunglasses.
STEPHANIE carries a small cooler; TRIP is on his cell phone.)

TRIP
(Into the phone) And as I said, I need Jackson to go to Houston tomorrow to close the deal on
those wells. And we have a court date in DC Tuesday to appeal the EPA fines; you’ll have to fly
there Monday night...

STEPHANIE
(Overlapping him) Hi, Mom! We’re back.

CLAIRE
Hello, Steph. How was the trip?

STEPHANIE
Not too much traffic, but I had to do most of the driving since Trip can’t get off the damn phone.

CLAIRE
He’s so busy, the poor dear.

STEPHANIE
It was hard to say good-bye to the boys.

CLAIRE
Their first summer at camp! It gets easier.

STEPHANIE
Jason was running around making friends before we were even finished unpacking, but Liam got
very clingy. He didn’t want me to leave.

CLAIRE
Oh, that breaks my heart. He’s more like Colin, isn’t he? Jason takes after his father.

STEPHANIE
I’m wondering if it was maybe a year too early. They’re only seven. But Trip insisted.

17
 TRIP
(Still on the phone) ... well I’m going to call good old Uncle Andrew myself this weekend. But
you make sure Jim has his lawyers e-mail us all the motions by Friday. And have Gruber call me
directly. If those bozos try any surprises we’ll come down on their asses so hard they won’t
know what hit them.

STEPHANIE
(Overlapping) Trip, hang up the fuckin’ phone and come talk to your mother!

CLAIRE
Oh dear, Stephanie. Language.

STEPHANIE
Don’t get me started; he won’t delegate anything. This weekend was supposed to be about
family.

TRIP
... and I need the figures on the Phillips deal on my desk asap. Gotta go; I’ll check in around
seven. (He stuffs the phone in his pocket.) Hey, Mom. Sorry! One crisis after another.

CLAIRE
I’m sure. (She lets him kiss her cheek.) How’s the camp?

STEPHANIE
It’s beautiful; right on the lake.

TRIP
Great facilities. It’s the top computer camp in this part of the country.

CLAIRE
“Computer camp?”

TRIP
It’s a strong curriculum; should provide just the edge they’ll need when they start second grade
in the fall.

CLAIRE
I know I’m a relic, but wasn’t summer camp supposed to be about nature? Swimming, boating,
sports...

(CLAIRE is picking up COLIN’s backpack and putting it on top of the picnic table.)

TRIP
(Suddenly suspicious) Whose backpack is that?

18
 CLAIRE
(Pause) It’s your brother’s, honey. He’s in the house taking a shower.

TRIP
Colin??

CLAIRE
(Archly) Did your father have another son I don’t know about?

TRIP
Oh fuck me fuck me fuck me.

STEPHANIE
Trip.

TRIP
He’s not even due to be evaluated for release until the end of July!

CLAIRE
He got here right before you did. He said he has something he wants to talk to us about, and
needs the whole family together.

TRIP
How does he seem?

CLAIRE
Too thin. Exhausted from the trip...

(COLIN reappears from inside the house, with wet hair and fresh clothes, but still weak
and shaky.)

COLIN
But clean, right, Mom? That’s the important thing.

TRIP
(Suddenly gregarious) Little brother! What a crazy surprise, you nut. Come here, kiddo, give me
a hug! (COLIN comes down the steps and TRIP gives him a bear hug, a little too roughly.
COLIN staggers out of it and coughs.) Would you look at you?! Where the heck did you come
from?

COLIN
You know where I was, Trip.

TRIP
And where I thought you’d be till the end of the summer. Getting well, getting clean.

19
 COLIN
I’ve been clean for weeks.

TRIP
Glad to hear it! That’s fantastic news. So what can we do for you? You know I’m here for you,
buddy; tell me what you need.

COLIN
(Sitting down on the tree stump) That’s a big question, Trip. There’s things we need to talk about
as a family. Serious things. I figured this might be the only place I had a chance of catching you
all together.

TRIP
Well you’ve caught us alright! (Forces a laugh) Caught us off guard. I mean, it’s great to see
you, and you’re looking pretty darn good, I’ve got to say. But we had an agreement, didn’t we?
And I should have been consulted before you checked out early. If you didn’t call me one of the
doctors should have.

COLIN
They didn’t know I was leaving.

CLAIRE
He escaped, Trip.

TRIP
You did what?

COLIN
Well it’s not like it’s a lockdown. I was “voluntarily committed.”

CLAIRE
He took a bus and then hitchhiked from Monticello.

TRIP
Excuse me?? The Burgesses do not hitchhike.

COLIN
They do when they don’t have any way of getting cash without submitting an application
through their brother’s lawyer.

TRIP
Hey, you know you can call me directly.

COLIN
Oh right! And you would have wired me money to help me leave rehab two months early.

20
 TRIP
Okay, point conceded! So out with it. What’s the big issue you think we have to discuss as a
family?

COLIN
(He coughs, then says painfully:) Father’s Will.

TRIP
(Laughs) Yeah, right.

STEPHANIE
Take a number.

TRIP
I know you’ve been out of the loop, but Uncle Andrew has us tied up in probate. Plus there are
legal issues with the IRS; it’s all a mess. I could fill you in on the details but I’m sure you’d be
bored, and believe me, you wouldn’t understand half of it.

COLIN
That isn’t what I’m talking about.

TRIP
I know. You’re upset about the terms of your trust fund. And I’m happy to sit down with you and
discuss how to make that work.

STEPHANIE
What are the terms?

COLIN
Trip’s my trustee; the guardian of my inheritance. Any time I need cash, I have to request it from
him in writing.

TRIP
That’s right—but only until you turn thirty-five or have been drug-free for two full years.
Whichever is later.

COLIN
Whichever’s later?? That doesn’t even make sense.

CLAIRE
Colin, you know you can always call me if you need money.

TRIP
(Shoots her a look) Thank you, Mom; that’s very helpful. (Beat) Listen, Colin, I know it’s been
hard on you, so let’s figure out a workable system. But you have to admit today’s events make it
pretty fuckin’ obvious that you’re not exactly ready to be trusted.

21
 COLIN
Fine, whatever. That’s not... (Shakes his head) That’s not even what I came here to talk about.
(Feeling shaky, he leans forward with his head in his hands.)

STEPHANIE
(Touching his shoulder) You okay?

TRIP
So what is it then, kiddo? You said Dad’s Will.

COLIN
It’s a much bigger... I’m sorry, I can’t even think straight right now. I need to sleep.

TRIP
“Excessive need for sleep, even during the day.” Which was on that list they gave us: Common
Symptoms of Withdrawal.

CLAIRE
Oh, Trip, he just walked almost three miles! Of course he’s exhausted; who wouldn’t be?

COLIN
(Overlapping) I told you I’m staying clean.

TRIP
Yeah, and withdrawal can last for up to ten weeks; they told us that too. (He looks at his phone.)
Listen, I’ve got about a dozen calls to return; I’m gonna have to drive back to the city tonight.

STEPHANIE
No!

TRIP
(Looking at CLAIRE and STEPHANIE) I hope I can trust the two of you to keep tabs on this one
for a day or two. (To COLIN) And then I’m gonna get you back to the Center if I have to drive
you there myself. (He goes into the house.)

Scene Three

(The next day; a hot afternoon. LUCAS is on the lawn, wearing work gloves and sanding a piece
of a disassembled birdhouse. STEPHANIE, feeling restless, appears from behind the house,
sipping a cool drink from a plastic tumbler.)

STEPHANIE
Hey, Handsome. What do we have you working on today?

22
 LUCAS
Nothin’ much. And it’s Lucas.

STEPHANIE
I know that. Doesn’t look like nothin’.

LUCAS
Just this old birdhouse. It was falling apart. Mrs. Burgess asked me to hammer it back together
and spruce it up with a fresh coat of paint.

STEPHANIE
Nice! I’m sure the bird family will appreciate your manly efforts on their behalf.

LUCAS
No they won’t either.

STEPHANIE
What color are you going to paint it?

LUCAS
Green. With brown for the trim.

STEPHANIE
That’s so traditional. (Mischievously) What about magenta? Accented in peacock blue.

LUCAS
I don’t think Mrs. Burgess would go for that.

STEPHANIE
Aw, you’re no fun. (Beat) It’s hot out today, isn’t it?

LUCAS
(Wiping sweat off his forehead) You said it. It’s the humidity. (He sniffs the air.) Whatcha
drinkin’ there?

STEPHANIE
(Slyly) Lemonade. Want a taste?

LUCAS
Sure. (She hands him the tumbler. He takes a sip and gives her a look.) That’s mighty strong
lemonade.

STEPHANIE
Just don’t tell my husband, okay?

23
 LUCAS
When would I?

STEPHANIE
Good point; he’s hardly ever around, is he? Hardly ever. (She fidgets.) So, what do you do when
you get bored, Lucas?

LUCAS
Bored?

STEPHANIE
I mean, there’s nothing to do around here, is there?

LUCAS
Well let’s see. I’ve got two jobs, and I have to drive my Dad to his doctor’s appointments and
physical therapy, and find time to make sure my stupid-ass kid brother stays out of trouble. So
no, I’m not kickin’ around feeling bored, if that’s what you’re asking.

STEPHANIE
Ooo, you sound angry.

LUCAS
Nope.

STEPHANIE
Is that how you see me? A lady of leisure? “Kickin’ around,” feeling bored because I’ve got
nothing worthwhile to do?

LUCAS
You’re the one said it.

STEPHANIE
A spoiled rich bitch with too much time on her hands?

LUCAS
Whoa!

STEPHANIE
You know, my husband doesn’t pay much attention to me anymore.

LUCAS
I’m sorry.

STEPHANIE
He’s even busier than you are, trying to figure out how to run his late lamented father’s
enormous conglomerate. Oh, and dealing with all the people who want to sue us. Plus, he’s

24
thinking about running for Congress! Don’t tell anyone. I can’t imagine where he’ll find the
time. What do you think; would you vote for him?

LUCAS
Not likely, unless he’s a Republican.

STEPHANIE
Oh he is, he is.

LUCAS
Seriously?

STEPHANIE
If not laughably; yes. And if I end up being a congressman’s wife, or even just a candidate’s
wife, I will have to be Little Mrs. Perfect all the time. Because the cameras and the reporters are
always hiding in the background waiting for you to fuck up, right?

LUCAS
I wouldn’t know about that.

STEPHANIE
But up here, we’re far away from civilization, aren’t we? We’re close to nature; the wilderness.
I’ve got maybe one summer left when I get to be... not perfect, you know? One last chance to
fuck up, as it were. What do you think about that?

LUCAS
(After giving her a look) I think I’ve got work to finish, is what I think.

(He kneels on the grass to work on the birdhouse. Then JEAN comes out of the house
onto the porch, followed by CLAIRE, with whom she is in the middle of a conversation.
Not wanting to be around any of them, STEPHANIE takes another sip of her drink and
wanders off left.)

CLAIRE
I don’t know, Mom; I’m torn. Trip is adamant about sending him back to rehab, and I tend to
trust Trip. And yet a part of me thinks that maybe all Colin needs is to be home for a while.

JEAN
(Sitting down on the glider. Dubiously) Mmm-hmm.

CLAIRE
But with Melissa and Bret both here, we don’t even have a room for him! Isn’t that dreadful? I
suggested the second-floor den, which has that nice long couch, and do you know what he said?
That he’d rather sleep in the hayloft! Can you imagine?

25
 JEAN
(Nodding) Sure, that was his secret hideout. His bat cave, whenever things got too tense with his
father. I helped him set it up, remember?--after that nightmare over Benjamin. We put in the
mattress, and I gave him a couple of old handmade quilts; I assume they’re still there.

CLAIRE
Probably filthy and infested with bugs at this point. That may have been fun when he was a kid,
but... (Shakes her head)

JEAN
But you’re afraid that if you don’t keep him in the house, he might try it again.

CLAIRE
Try what again? (JEAN just gives her a look.) No! It was an accidental overdose. He’d been
drinking too, and he... He barely knew what he was doing.

JEAN
If you say so.

CLAIRE
Absolutely! I mean, that’s what he told Trip.

JEAN
(Raises an eyebrow) Mm-hmm. And they’ve always been so close.

CLAIRE
Mother! How can you even--(She shakes her head, as a car is heard in the driveway off right.)
Here come the kids. (JEAN gets up to leave.) Now don’t you dare go hide again! It’s time you
met our guests.

(MELISSA and BRET enter right, with backpacks and scripts.)

CLAIRE
Hello, you two! How was rehearsal?

MELISSA BRET
Wonderful! Sucky.

CLAIRE
I don’t believe you guys have yet been introduced to my notoriously antisocial mother.

MELISSA
Um, hi. We sort of met that first day...

BRET
Very briefly though.

26
 CLAIRE
These are our two actor guests, Melissa and Bret. And this is--

JEAN
(Interrupting before CLAIRE can say her name) The Witch. As I prefer to be called.

(CLAIRE just smiles wryly and shakes her head.)

BRET
“The Witch” it is then! And it’s Bret with one T.

JEAN
(Nods approvingly) Why use two when one will do the job?

BRET
By the way, you guys have an awesome library.

CLAIRE
Mostly hers.

MELISSA
(Nodding) It’s amazing. I had trouble falling asleep last night so I took the liberty of coming
downstairs and browsing a bit. I hope that’s okay.

CLAIRE
Any time!

JEAN
Help yourself to whatever you’d like to read.

MELISSA
I did notice you have a whole shelf of hardcover copies of Shoot the Messenger. Which is one of
my all-time favorite novels.

CLAIRE
(Trying not to smile) What a lovely coincidence.

JEAN
I’m warning you, Claire. I’ll turn myself into a black cat and run away.

CLAIRE
She will, too.

BRET
What’s the scoop?

27
 CLAIRE
My mother wrote that book.

MELISSA
Ohmygosh. You’re Jean Holt??

JEAN
As I said, I prefer “The Witch.”

CLAIRE
She’s famously reclusive.

MELISSA
I knew that.

CLAIRE
It gets tiresome. J.D. Salinger was a party animal compared to her.

JEAN
I’ve partied with J. On more than one occasion.

BRET
Are you a practicing member of the Wiccan religion? Because that would be very cool.

CLAIRE
She was. Briefly. That’s how we started calling her that.

BRET
So what happened?

JEAN
I decided it was a load of bunk.

BRET
Fair enough.

CLAIRE
But the name stuck.

MELISSA
It’s a dream come true to meet you! I wrote a paper about your book in Freshman English.

JEAN
I’m sorry to hear they’re still inflicting it on students.

28
 MELISSA
No no; it changed my life! Bret, didn’t you love it?

BRET
I got a lot out of the Spark Notes, actually.

MELISSA
He’s terrible. (To BRET) You owe it to yourself to read it while we’re here.

CLAIRE
I can get you a paperback reading copy. The ones on that shelf are signed first editions.

MELISSA
Oh wow; seriously?

CLAIRE
Sure. The Witch had a couple boxes of extras. We’ve given some away over the years but we
still have eight or ten copies.

MELISSA
That’s awesome. I can’t imagine how much they must be worth.

BRET
(On his phone) I’m googling. (Brief pause) Someone’s selling one on eBay for seven thousand
dollars.

CLAIRE
Doesn’t surprise me. The Witch doesn’t keep track of such things.

(Having erected the newly repaired birdhouse, LUCAS exits right.)

MELISSA
I think it’s priceless! A modern classic. I have the twenty-fifth anniversary edition—with the
introduction by Susan Sontag?

JEAN
(Shaking her head) Oh Susan.

MELISSA
I wish I’d brought it with me so I could ask you to sign it!

CLAIRE
Careful; she might just write “The Witch.” She’s been known to do that just to irritate people.

JEAN
Well I’m irritated, Claire, that you found it necessary to blow my cover. And this early in the

29
summer.

CLAIRE
They would have figured it out before long. Melissa, tell us what you said about the book in your
paper!

MELISSA
(Embarrassed) Oh, I don’t remember.

BRET
(Trying to save her from having to answer) The craziest thing happened today at rehearsal! We
were running the choreography for the Capulet’s ball—

MELISSA
(Suddenly) It’s one of the seminal works of the seventies! The irony; the symbolism...! I read it
as a definitive expression of the anger and disillusionment of the sixties generation, that sense of
abandonment as you moved into the “Me Decade.” The devastation of Vietnam, and Watergate,
how did anyone recover from that? And yet the book is funny. Really funny! I just love it. (Beat;
cautiously) Why didn’t you ever write another novel?

CLAIRE
People have been asking her that for decades. (To JEAN) Tell her what you told Dick Cavett.

JEAN
Let’s change the subject please. What play are you rehearsing?

BRET
Romeo and Juliet. She’s Juliet.

MELISSA
And Bret’s playing Balthasar and understudying Romeo.

BRET
I’ll never go on.

JEAN
I used to be able to talk Shakespeare for hours. Back before the East Village became a shopping
mall, a couple girlfriends and I would stay up half the night, hanging out with Joe Papp and some
of his cronies, arguing about the plays... and plotting the overthrow of Robert Moses.

BRET
Cool!

MELISSA
I would love to know what Mr. Papp said about Juliet.

30
 JEAN
Probably nothing useful. He wasn’t much of a scholar, actually. More an entrepreneur.

(STEPHANIE comes back on from left.)

CLAIRE
You may have noticed the Witch has strong opinions. Often they’re... how shall we say?

STEPHANIE
Iconoclastic. (She sits down on the swing.)

CLAIRE
The perfect word. I wouldn’t have thought of it. Stephanie’s very smart. She went to Brown with
my son Colin.

STEPHANIE
Only until I made the brilliant decision to drop out and get married.

CLAIRE
Speaking of the devil: When is Trip coming back up?

STEPHANIE
Oh, don’t get me started. He’s flying to DC this weekend so I think the earliest would be next
Friday.

CLAIRE
He should come for the Fourth! We’ll barbecue.

STEPHANIE
Try to talk him into it. He won’t listen to me.

CLAIRE
I know Colin is still anxious to have a family meeting.

STEPHANIE
Well I don’t see Trip making that a priority. Though he may send some goons up here to bag
Colin and drag him back to the rehab center.

JEAN
Not on my property.

CLAIRE
(By way of explanation to MELISSA and BRET) This is the Witch’s house. She bought it in 1975
with earnings from the book.

31
 MELISSA
(To JEAN) Could I ask how you came to decide to buy a farm in this area?

STEPHANIE
You can ask her anything; just don’t expect an answer.

JEAN
(Ignoring this) Back in the day, Melissa, I was in love with one Sonny Goldfarb. He lived down
the block from me on Grove Street in the West Village. He wanted to be a comic, and believe me
he could have given Lenny Bruce a run for his money. (Brief pause as she remembers) Anyway.
Sonny used to work up here in the mountains every summer. That was a different time. The era
of the big borscht-belt hotel resorts, you know? Where the well-to-do Jews of New York would
spend their weekends—and their money. Tell me, did you ever see the movie Dirty Dancing?

BRET
Of course!

JEAN
Well that’s not what it was like. Sonny brought me along the summer he had a job at
Grossinger’s.

MELISSA
As a comedian?

JEAN
That year he was a bartender; sometimes he was a bellboy or a waiter, depending on the year and
the hotel. But as I said he aspired to be a comedian, so we hung around the supper club most
nights after his shift, and sometimes they would let him do a set to warm the audience up for
Jerry Lewis or Henny Youngman or whoever the headliner was going to be that evening.

STEPHANIE
I’ve never heard this.

MELISSA
Did you work at the hotel too?

JEAN
That summer I did. I was a “social director,” which only meant I got paid to try to talk the guests
into playing badminton or shuffleboard. What a time that was. (She shakes her head.)

STEPHANIE
So what happened to Sonny?

JEAN
He was drafted to Vietnam and came home in a box. (Beat) Igniting a rage in me that lasted long
enough to fuel one novel.

32
 MELISSA
I’m so sorry.

JEAN
I was still carrying his baby when I started the book.

(Slight awkward pause; BRET looks at CLAIRE.)

BRET
So then...?

JEAN
No; I lost that baby. Which experience had its effect on Chapters Three through Six. (Beat) No:
Believe it or not, I already had Claire by that time. I was what would be known today as a “single
mother,” though the names people called me then were less diplomatic. Sonny would have
adopted her, though, if he’d lived long enough to marry me. His parents scattered his ashes in
some woods near the hotel.

STEPHANIE
And that’s why you bought a place in the Catskills...

JEAN
Strange, isn’t it? Most people wouldn’t want the reminders. But I’m rooted here, for better or
worse. There’s something about these mountains, can you feel it? They don’t change. But they’re
watching us. And they remember.

(They all sit quietly for a moment, listening to the sounds of the birds in the trees.)

Scene Four

(The next week; just before sunset. CLAIRE is sitting at the picnic table, in the midst of a
conversation with HENRY WHITCOMBE. They are sipping drinks.)

HENRY
I trust the kids aren’t giving you any trouble?

CLAIRE
Heavens no; they’re both adorable. I’m so looking forward to seeing them onstage.

HENRY
Melissa’s quite the dynamo. She’s doing so much research and coming up with so many great
questions, I can barely keep up with her. But I’m a bit worried about Bret. You may have to help
me keep an eye on him.

33
 CLAIRE
How so?

HENRY
He’s a sweet kid, but I’m not sure about his, how shall we say, attention span. Or how focused he
is on the work. Even the first day, he kept looking at his phone all during Intern Orientation,
and—

CLAIRE
Henry, please! Watch your language.

HENRY
What?

CLAIRE
(Playfully) “Orientation”?? It’s the twenty-first century!

HENRY
(Concealing a smile) Oh, you’re too quick for me.

CLAIRE
I’m finally catching on, Henry. Coming into my own in the post-Walt Burgess era.

HENRY
So how’s your painting coming along?

CLAIRE
Oh, I don’t know... it gets frustrating. Let’s talk about you! I always thought you’d have your
own theatre one day, and now look at you! (Henry laughs.) I’m so proud of you. Sometimes
dreams do come true.

HENRY
“Dreams”? I don’t know, Claire. To be honest with you, the job gives me nightmares.

CLAIRE
No.

HENRY
Oh yes. For every hour of creative stimulation in rehearsal, I spend two or three reviewing grant
applications, wining and dining potential donors, and/or panicking that I’m going to bankrupt the
theatre.

CLAIRE
Oh dear, I can’t imagine it’s really that bad.

34
 HENRY
That’s the point I’ve been trying to make, Claire, it is. I can’t guarantee there will even be a
season next summer unless we figure something out.

CLAIRE
“We?”

HENRY
Oh, I didn’t mean you and me. Necessarily.

CLAIRE
I wish my hands weren’t tied, but they are this year.

HENRY
So you said. (Beat) I should get back. If it’s not one thing it’s another. As of this morning I have
to find a new Lady Capulet. Someone who’s done the role, or can learn it in four days.

CLAIRE
Juliet’s mother? (HENRY nods.) Oh dear, what happened?

HENRY
The gal we had booked a film. Small role, but she just announced she’s flying to the Virgin
Islands the day after tomorrow.

CLAIRE
Well shame on her! Doesn’t anybody honor their commitments anymore?

HENRY
We can’t compete with what they’re paying; it happens more often than you’d think.

CLAIRE
That is a shame. (Beat; she’s thinking hard.) Henry, I think I may have an idea. There might be a
way I can help.

HENRY
You know somebody who’s available?

CLAIRE
Possibly. (Beat) Do you think... maybe I could do it?

HENRY
You? (Taken aback) I don’t know...

CLAIRE
I mean, you probably want someone who’s... Asian. To be believable as Melissa’s mother, right?
Unless the man playing the father--

35
 HENRY
Claire, you still don’t understand nontraditional casting, do you? We don’t worry about those
things.

CLAIRE
Well in that case... (She stands and smiles broadly, holding out her arms.) What do you think,
Mr. Director?

HENRY
Well you know... it’s lovely of you to offer. But even an experienced professional might have a
tough time jumping in last minute. What kind of training or...?

CLAIRE
Fair question! I took ballet as a child. And I was in the drama society in college. We did You
Can’t Take It With You.

HENRY
Uh-huh. Which part did you play?

CLAIRE
The daughter. Or the sister? I don’t know; the young girl! It was lovely; people said I should
pursue it as a career.

HENRY
And yet you didn’t. (Beat) I just don’t know... You definitely have a glamorous presence.

CLAIRE
Thank you! Listen, I just thought of another idea.

HENRY
(Tries to smile) I’m almost afraid to ask.

CLAIRE
Even though Trip won’t let me write you a check this year... It just so happens we have a few
extra copies of the Witch’s book; signed first editions.

HENRY
First editions of Shoot the Messenger? I’m listening.

CLAIRE
I’m told they’ve been selling for as much as seven thousand dollars lately! I’m sure my mother
would be happy to have us donate one for your silent auction.

HENRY
Do you mean it?

36
 CLAIRE
Sure, Henry. For you, of course.

HENRY
That would be... Wow, that would be terrific.

CLAIRE
So... Let’s make it work, shall we?

HENRY
Okay; so now I have an idea.

CLAIRE
I’m all ears.

HENRY
I have an actress from Yale Drama playing Lady Montague, Romeo’s mom. I think it could work
to have her... I can ask her to switch to Lady Capulet, and then maybe you could play Lady
Montague!

CLAIRE
Well sure! I mean, six of one, right? If you think that’s the part I’m more right for.

HENRY
It definitely is.

CLAIRE
Well I’ll trust you on that, Mr. Director! Shall I see you at rehearsal tomorrow morning?

HENRY
Ten a.m.!

CLAIRE
Lovely. This is so exciting! Will I get to wear a lavish Renaissance gown?

HENRY
Actually, we’re setting it in nineteen-fifties Italy. Very La Dolce Vita.

CLAIRE
Even better! That’s a great look for me.

HENRY
We’ll have Costumes do a fitting right away.

CLAIRE
Thank you for trusting me with this, Henry! It means a lot to me.

37
 HENRY
We’ve been friends for a long time, my dear. I’m confident you can handle it. And the book!
Thank you for thinking of that.

CLAIRE
Absolutely.

HENRY
I’d better get over there. Dress rehearsal this evening for the Christie; they’re probably almost
finished.

CLAIRE
Don’t let me keep you. I’ll see you there bright and early!

HENRY
Thanks again for bailing us out! Have a great evening.

CLAIRE
Thank you! Bye-bye.

(He exits right. Excited, CLAIRE gets up and heads up the steps onto the porch. She’s
about to open the door to the house when COLIN suddenly comes out of it, carrying a
pen and a journal. HENRY’s car is heard off right, starting up and pulling out of the
driveway.)

CLAIRE
Colin!

COLIN
Hey, Mom. (Hearing the car) Who was that?

CLAIRE
Henry Whitcombe from the Playhouse. We had a little meeting.

COLIN
Was he hitting you up for a bigger donation?

CLAIRE
Actually, he offered me a role!

COLIN
What? An acting role; seriously?

CLAIRE
I’m perfectly serious. An actress dropped out of Romeo and Juliet; I’m taking over the role of
Lady Montague! Isn’t that exciting? I’ve only got four days to learn the lines.

38
 COLIN
Well I’m sure you’ll have no problem.

CLAIRE
Thank you, darling! Your confidence in me means a lot. I’ll be in the library looking for a copy
of the play.

COLIN
I’m sure there’s a Complete Works somewhere.

(CLAIRE goes into the house. COLIN sits on the porch glider, opens his notebook, and
stares at a blank page. It’s starting to get dark. JEAN comes on stage right, carrying a
basket of peaches.)

JEAN
Good evening, Colin.

COLIN
Hi, Grandmother.

JEAN
(She takes a hard look at him.) How are you feeling?

COLIN
Better, thanks. Though I’m afraid I’m suffering from a serious case of writer’s block.

JEAN
Bah. There’s no such thing.

COLIN
As writer’s block? I would have thought you’d be familiar with the concept.

JEAN
I’ve never believed in it.

COLIN
Okay. (Beat) I mean I want to be working on something new but I can’t get started... (He shakes
his head.)

JEAN
So. (A challenge) Just what makes you think you’re supposed to be writing?

COLIN
It’s what I love.

39
 JEAN
Listen, as I used to tell students, there are too many people out there writing who aren’t blocked.
Or don’t think they are. If you don’t have anything to write about, please don’t write anything!
Do something else. Rather than being a “blocked writer,” be a good... brick layer!

COLIN
(Tries not to laugh) A brick layer?

JEAN
It’s an honorable craft! There are bricks out there that need to be laid!

COLIN
And not just bricks.

JEAN
Or... I don’t know. There are choices! Useful things you can do with your life! I waited tables.

COLIN
Yeah; Trip and I never had to do things like that.

JEAN
That may have been a disadvantage. I had to wait tables for two years and I never wanted to
write more!

COLIN
(He smiles.) I don’t understand you sometimes.

JEAN
I think you do. You and I have always understood each other better than the rest of those
hooligans we call a family. Am I right?

COLIN
I guess.

JEAN
Your brother checked his brains at the door the day he walked into your father’s office. You on
the other hand I had high hopes for.

COLIN
Until I dashed them by becoming a cocaine addict. Sorry, Grandma.

JEAN
Don’t apologize to me. I tried every drug there was to try back in the day.

COLIN
Yeah? Well, you never got hooked.

40
 JEAN
That’s only because I didn’t like any of them! (Beat) You and I have more in common than you
think, my dear.

COLIN
Like what?

JEAN
Well, the gay thing. I was a lesbian for almost three years in the late seventies.

COLIN
Seriously? I never knew that! What happened?

JEAN
I decided it was kid stuff. Which doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it thoroughly at the time. You and I
are a different sort, aren’t we? We don’t bother trying to “fit in.”

COLIN
I tried for a long time. (He looks down.) Did you know I never came out to my father?

JEAN
And why would you?

COLIN
I mean, I’m sure he knew. How could he not have? And he hated it. But that was the thing I
regretted most when he died.

JEAN
Not telling him?

COLIN
Sure. If I could have looked him in the eye and owned it... maybe he would have respected me a
little bit. Or at least I could have respected myself.

JEAN
I’m afraid you’re giving the man too much credit. Accepting the truth was not one of your
father’s talents.

COLIN
(Significantly) Yeah, tell me about it. (He sighs and gazes out over the grounds.) It’s always
been so beautiful here, Grandma. (He closes his eyes and tries to relax.) Peaceful.

JEAN
It’s going to be yours one day. (Beat) It’s time you knew that.

41
 COLIN
What is?

JEAN
This house. The whole farm. I’m leaving them to you. (Beat) I was going to let it be a pleasant
surprise, to take some of the sting off your calamitous grief when I finally kick. But the way
things have been going, I thought now might be a good time to inform you.

COLIN
(Not sure how to react) Wow. (Beat) Does Mom know?

JEAN
(Shrugs) Claire has three other houses, and enough money to buy ten more if she’s so inclined.
(With a twinkle) I suppose you can let her live here if you want to.

COLIN
Wow, Grandmother. That’s... (Shakes his head) I don’t even know what to--(He’s interrupted by
a Smartphone on the porch table that starts ringing, startling both of them.) Whose phone is
that?

JEAN
Must be one of the kids’.

(STEPHANIE comes running out of the house.)

STEPHANIE
That’s me; I forgot where I left it. (She glances at the screen and then holds the phone to her
ear.) Trip! What’s going on down there? You said you’d call me at lunch time. (Brief pause)
Yes, honey, I know you’re juggling a dozen crisis situations, but I worry when—

(CLAIRE comes back out on the porch, carrying a thick volume of Shakespeare.)

CLAIRE
Oh good; I’m glad you’re all here! I have a very important announcement to make.

STEPHANIE
(Covering the phone) Mom, just a sec; I’m on the phone with Trip.

CLAIRE
Perfect! Put him on speaker. (STEPHANIE complies.) I am very pleased to share with you some
exciting news! (She pauses and just beams at them.)

JEAN
Yes, dear, we’re listening.

42
 CLAIRE
As of today, I have been officially hired to make my professional stage debut, playing the role of
Lady Montague in the Catskill Playhouse production of Romeo and Juliet!

TRIP’S VOICE
(On speaker phone) Say what?!

STEPHANIE
(Overlapping) Well congratulations.

COLIN
How exactly did this come about?

CLAIRE
They had an actress drop out, and Henry Whitcombe thinks I can do it.

JEAN
Did you have to make a donation?

TRIP’S VOICE
Mother, I told you, all arts philanthropy is on hold till we get through probate.

CLAIRE
(Displeased with their reactions) I know that, Trip. And thank you for the vote of confidence,
Mother. I’ll have you know I had already told Henry we weren’t making a donation this year. He
hired me because he believes in my talent! (Beat) And out of gratefulness I offered to give them
one of the autographed copies of the Witch’s book to sell for their fundraiser.

COLIN
(To JEAN) Are you okay with that?

JEAN
(Nods) It’s not doing any good gathering dust in the library.

CLAIRE
Thanks, Mother, I knew you’d say that.

TRIP’S VOICE
Mom, hold on a minute.

CLAIRE
Oh Trip, what is it?

TRIP’S VOICE
You should have asked me about this. You could get yourself in trouble. There are very strict
standards on philanthropy, and you can be penalized if your charitable giving is seen as

43
promoting personal interests; it’s a conflict of--

COLIN
Jeezus, Trip! Listen to yourself.

TRIP’S VOICE
Is that Colin?

COLIN
(Overlapping) That’s exactly what...! (He shakes his head in exasperation.) Are you actually
implying that our family’s political donations aren’t self-serving? What do you think the so-
called “Free Enterprise Institute” is really doing with--

TRIP’S VOICE
Careful, Little Brother! You don’t know what you’re talking about.

COLIN
Hey, I know more than you think, and we’ve got plenty to talk about as soon as you manage get
yourself back up here for more than five minutes.

CLAIRE
Boys, please stop! You’re ruining my happy news! You’re acting like I paid Henry off to get him
to give me a part, when actually he desperately needed someone to fill in and I offered to help.
There’s nothing “self-serving” about any of it. My word!

COLIN
Okay, Mom, I believe you. It’ll be fun to see you onstage.

TRIP’S VOICE
Fine fine fine. But while you all are having your fun up there in the mountains, I’m the one
who’s facing the day to day reality of--

CLAIRE
Hang up on him, Stephanie.

STEPHANIE
Gladly. (Gleefully, into the phone) Bye, hon. (And she disconnects the call.) Gee, Mom. I didn’t
know you were an actress. Have you done this before?

CLAIRE
Not since college. But I had a knack for it! Hopefully it will be like riding a bicycle.

JEAN
Uh-huh. “Take off your training wheels and you fall over.”

44
 CLAIRE
Mother, you really are a witch! You’re as bad as Trip.

JEAN
Worse.

(Sound of a car arriving off left.)

CLAIRE
Well if you smart alecks will excuse me, I’m going to go look over my script.

(She takes the book back into the house as BRET and MELISSA enter from the driveway.)

COLIN
Hi, guys.

BRET
Hey Colin!

STEPHANIE
How was rehearsal?

BRET
Intense. We were working on the fight scenes. I’m sweating like a pig.

MELISSA
And I’m starving.

STEPHANIE
I don’t think there’s going to be a family dinner tonight... Claire’s looking over her lines.

COLIN
Did you know she’s joining your cast?

BRET
No shit! Is she the new Lady Capulet?

MELISSA
Montague I think. Megan said Henry asked her to switch to Lady Capulet, so...

BRET
Okay; that makes more sense.

MELISSA
Ms. Holt, I told some of the other actors about meeting you, and there’s this one guy in the cast
who practically had a heart attack. He said he has the movie of Shoot the Messenger on DVD,

45
and it’s one of his all-time favorites.

JEAN
He must not have seen very many films. (COLIN and STEPHANIE laugh.) Believe it or not
HBO wants to remake it as a miniseries.

COLIN
I didn’t know that!

STEPHANIE
(Suspecting the worst) So what did you tell them?

JEAN
I told them to get lost. They can go bother Annie Proulx. One time through that ordeal was more
than enough.

MELISSA
Oh my god, this is so fascinating! I’d love to hear you talk about why you don’t like the film.

JEAN
(She shrugs.) Let’s just say the best that can be said about it is it’s better than the book.

COLIN
(Grins) Grandma! I’ve never understood why you insist on belittling your own work like that.

JEAN
You’re all very young, but let me tell you: Anyone who isn’t at least a little bit mortified about
something she wrote half a lifetime ago, has simply failed to evolve. To grow up. And I would
probably not respect such a person.

BRET
(Mischievously) Well... do you respect Shakespeare? The play we’re doing is one of his earliest
tragedies.

MELISSA
(Nods) “Bubbling over with youthful passions,” as Henry is so fond of reminding us.

BRET
So do you think by the time ol’ Will got around to writing, say...

MELISSA
The Tempest!

BRET
Right!—that he was embarrassed about Romeo and Juliet?

46
 JEAN
I should certainly hope so.

(The others laugh. CLAIRE suddenly bursts back out onto the porch, clutching the
Shakespeare book.)

CLAIRE
I am going to strangle Henry Whitcombe!

STEPHANIE
What’s the matter, Mom?

CLAIRE
Lady Montague only has two lines!

JEAN STEPHANIE
Oh dear. Seriously?

CLAIRE
I just scanned through the whole play. Lady Capulet—which was the role I offered to play—has
some very juicy scenes, but Lady Montague only has two puny lines in the first act! And after
that she’s never heard from again!

BRET
(Helpfully) She gets to die though!

CLAIRE
Offstage! They say she’s dead in the last scene, but you never see her!

MELISSA
(Who has opened her copy of the play and is examining it) Three, actually.

CLAIRE
What?

MELISSA
It’s three lines. In Shakespeare, you count the number of verse lines, not the number of times you
speak. Lady Montague’s second speech is two lines, a rhymed couplet. So it adds up to three!

COLIN
See, Mom? That’s not so bad.

CLAIRE
I am absolutely going to kill that man. He tricked me! And I promised him a book worth several
thousand dollars!

47
 JEAN
Give him two or three. Get them out of the house.

CLAIRE
I’m going to call him right now and tell him he can darn well get someone else.

COLIN
Come on, Mom. I think you should do it.

CLAIRE
Why?

COLIN
Well you said you would, and they need you. Plus you haven’t been onstage in a long time. This
could be a nice start if you think acting is something you want to pursue. And it opens in just a
few days, right?

CLAIRE
Right...

COLIN
Won’t it be less stressful without having to cram a ton of lines? It might be a fun experience, and
you’ll probably learn a lot.

CLAIRE
But I’m a rather well-known... person. It’s a bit role!

COLIN
It’s a cameo. Isn’t that what they call parts like that? Like a small jewel. You’ll be beautiful; I’ll
be proud to see you up there.

MELISSA
I agree, Mrs. Burgess. And it’s a great group of people! Everybody’s gonna be so excited that
you’re joining us.

CLAIRE
Well... I don’t know. Maybe as a way of getting my feet wet. The painting hasn’t really been
working out and I do need an outlet.

STEPHANIE
Sure. And if it goes well maybe he’ll give you something bigger next year.

CLAIRE
What do you mean, “If it goes well”? Are you implying I might not be able to pull it off?

48
 STEPHANIE
No; not at all. I’m just--

CLAIRE
This is right up my alley. It’s really more about charisma and stage presence than it is the
number of lines, right? Half of acting is reacting to what the other people are saying.

MELISSA
(Smiles) Exactly!

CLAIRE
And I’ll schedule a meeting with the costume designer tomorrow, to make sure she knows my
colors and what kind of silhouette works on me. (Holding the script to her chest) It’s too dark
out now to read; I’m going to go inside and look this over more carefully. There are leftovers in
the fridge if anyone is hungry. (She exits.)

JEAN
Nicely played, Colin.

COLIN
I think she needs this.

JEAN
Though you may have sentenced me to sitting through three hours of Shakespeare... (She begins
moving around the porch, lighting candles in glass holders.)

MELISSA
Don’t worry; it’s going to be really good.

BRET
Except the Romeo’s a TV actor. Mumbles half his lines.

MELISSA
Oh, that’s not fair. He’s classically trained! He has a BFA from USC.

BRET
(Feigning excitement) OMG! WTF!

MELISSA
You’re awful. We should get back for the bonfire. I’m going to get a sweater. (She runs inside.)

STEPHANIE
I think I’ll turn in early. The mosquitoes are getting bad.

JEAN
These candles should keep them away.

49
 STEPHANIE
I’m not going to risk it. Have a good night.

COLIN
Night, Steph.

BRET
(Turns to COLIN as STEPHANIE goes into the house) Do you want to come, Colin?

COLIN
Where?

BRET
The cast and crew have a bonfire every night in the meadow behind the Playhouse. It’s a
tradition! A chance to unwind after rehearsal, roast marshmallows, drink beer, sing stupid songs.
Come with me.

COLIN
Thanks, but that sounds like a company thing; I’d be out of place.

BRET
No, no! They’d love to meet you. You’re sort of a celebrity around here, but people think of you
as kind of mysterious.

COLIN
There’s nothing mysterious about me. I’m going to stay here and maybe try to get some work
done. You go on and have fun.

(JEAN goes into the house as MELISSA comes out, now wearing a sweater.)

MELISSA
Are you ready?

BRET
(Handing her his keys) Take the car; I might catch up with you in a bit.

MELISSA
Are you sure? It’s kind of a long walk.

BRET
(Quietly) Don’t worry.

(MELISSA exits and BRET slowly walks over to the porch and sits down on the steps,
quite close to the glider where COLIN is sitting. COLIN is scribbling something in his
notebook; after a moment he looks down at BRET.)

50
 COLIN
You okay?

BRET
Sure.

COLIN
Aren’t you going to your... thing? The bonfire?

BRET
I didn’t say I was going, necessarily. I asked if you wanted to go. (Pause) I’m... fine here.

COLIN
(A little confused) Okay...

BRET
Don’t worry about me if you’re busy. I’m enjoying the beautiful evening.

COLIN
It’s awful dark. Do you want me to turn on the porch light?

BRET
Nah. I can see pretty well in the dark. (Beat) Plus I’m good at landing on my feet. All in all, I
have very good cat skills. Get it? Catskills??

COLIN
(Smiles) You’re funny.

BRET
Look! A firefly!

COLIN
I love them.

BRET
Me too. (Seeing the notebook) Can I ask what you’re working on?

COLIN
Trying to write a poem. Or a short story, I don’t know. I have writer’s block. Although my
grandmother says there’s no such thing.

BRET
Really?

COLIN
Except she hasn’t published anything in forty years, so... (He smiles and shakes his head.)

51
 BRET
She’s a character, right? (Beat) Some people only have one book in them. But I guess that’s one
more than most of us.

COLIN
Maybe. (Pause. He just sits there, not quite looking at BRET.)

BRET
Am I making you uncomfortable?

COLIN
Not really.

BRET
I’ve been wanting to get to know you.

COLIN
Why?

BRET
‘Cause you’re a... what’s the word? An enigma! The famous younger son. You’re mysterious
and beautiful and I think a little sad.

COLIN
(Embarrassed) You’re sweet. And you really don’t want to get involved with someone like me.

BRET
Yeah, who says?

COLIN
I’m bad news.

BRET
I doubt that.

COLIN
Damaged goods, seriously. I’m a mess.

BRET
Life is messy. I embrace it.

COLIN
Are you for real?

BRET
Touch me and find out. (COLIN smiles but looks away.) Listen, we all have our stuff that we

52
carry around. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.

COLIN
Sorry. I think I just need to sit and be quiet for a little while.

BRET
That can be nice too. (The sound of a rock song is heard from far off, and people laughing.)

COLIN
So much for quiet.

BRET
It’s the bonfire. Across the lake. Somebody brought a boombox. (Longish pause. There is an
energy between them that neither wants to push.) It’s going to be a cool night. I’m envious that
you get to live up here in the hills. It’s so beautiful. (Looking out front) The mountains here are
gentle in a way. Not huge and dramatic like out West. They look like they’ve seen a lot and
they’re here to sort of... shield you. Take care of you.

COLIN
That’s a nice way of saying it.

BRET
I love the way the horizon looks this time of night. I stare at it and sort of try to imagine what’s
up there in the shadows.

COLIN
My lately departed father used to tear the tops off mountains. Did you know that?

BRET
He did what?

COLIN
To extract coal.

BRET
What, with his bare hands?

COLIN
(Wryly) More or less.

BRET
Around here?

COLIN
Not too far. Other places too. It’s a recent process called Mountaintop Removal. Except Dad
never bothered to figure out how to put them back on.

53
 BRET
Is that why you’re sad?

COLIN
It’s one reason. (Beat) He started a multimillion-dollar foundation to support political candidates
willing to do his bidding. Which means, among other things, blocking any regulations that might
keep him from ripping open more mountains, or fucking up more of the water supply.

BRET
(Carefully) Except... except he’s... dead, right?

COLIN
Yeah, he is.

BRET
I’m sorry.

COLIN
Except when you’ve got that much money you can sort of perpetuate yourself.

BRET
(Not quite understanding) Okay.

COLIN
Do you know where I was before I came here?

BRET
I think so. I heard you were in rehab.

COLIN
That’s right. I’m still having withdrawal symptoms. Although my family doesn’t know that—I
don’t think.

BRET
Meth? Heroin?

COLIN
(Shakes his head) Just coke.

BRET
How’d you get into that?

COLIN
Hooked up with the wrong guy in the city. Went to too many of the wrong parties. I don’t know;
it happens. Anyway, that’s one reason you don’t want to get involved with someone like me.

54
 BRET
Who says?

COLIN
Oh, please. (His hand is shaking a little bit.)

BRET
(Studying him) You want a fix right now, don’t you?

COLIN
How could you tell? (Beat) It gets worse when I start talking about... stuff, you know? And
thinking about Dad and... (He shivers.)

BRET
(Gently) Okay; let’s talk about something else then.

COLIN
(Talking faster than he wants to) I’ve still got my old dealer’s number in my phone; I’m not
supposed to. Nobody knows. He had a contact in Middletown. And my Mom was dumb enough
to give me a few hundred dollars spending money. I could get a supply here in less than an hour
if I really wanted to.

BRET
(Pause) Do you really want to?

COLIN
(Breathing hard now) I so don’t. I so, so want not to.

BRET
(Very gently) Then don’t, okay? Just sit with me for a while. We can count the fireflies. (Beat)
Okay, Colin?

(He holds up his hand, and after a moment COLIN takes it in his shaky one. Holding
COLIN’s hand firmly, BRET moves up onto the porch and joins him on the glider. The
faint music continues to waft over from across the lake. Not looking at BRET, COLIN
tries to slow his breathing as they sit side by side.)

END OF ACT ONE

55
ACT TWO

Scene One

(The next morning. LUCAS is sitting on the ground near the picnic table, strumming a guitar.
After a moment, MELISSA comes out of the house, muttering some lines of Shakespeare under
her breath. She begins to pace the porch, trying to concentrate on her text, with an occasional
glance down at LUCAS.)

LUCAS
Is this bothering you? I could go someplace else.

MELISSA
No no; don’t worry. It’s kind of soothing actually. Helps me relax—which I sort of need.

LUCAS
You talkin’ to yourself up there?

MELISSA
(Coming down the steps) No; it’s Juliet. Dress rehearsal tonight so I’m nervous.

LUCAS
(Still strumming lazily) I bet you’ll be good.

MELISSA
Thank you for saying that. What are you playing? It’s nice.

LUCAS
Just something I came up with.

MELISSA
You write music?

LUCAS
Not like on paper. I don’t really read it, but I can make it up.

MELISSA
Do you ever add words? Like, write whole songs?

LUCAS
Not usually. (Pause as he plays.)

MELISSA
Are you going to come to the show?

56
 LUCAS
I don’t know; probably not. Money’s pretty tight right now, even with two jobs.

MELISSA
Oh. Well, you know what? I get a couple of comp tickets. That I can give to people. I don’t think
anybody in my family is going to make it up here; too far.

LUCAS
That’s a bummer.

MELISSA
It sort of is. But if you wanted one of them...

LUCAS
Don’t put yourself out.

MELISSA
I wouldn’t be. I think you might get a lot out of it.

LUCAS
I’m not a charity case.

MELISSA
I wasn’t implying that. I should go.

LUCAS
Hey, don’t run off. I’m sorry.

MELISSA
No need to apologize.

LUCAS
I might go see it. You have a pretty voice. I’m guessing you’re a good actress.

MELISSA
Aw, thanks. It’s a lot of pressure, so any vote of confidence--

LUCAS
No prob. So you gonna be a movie star or somethin’?

MELISSA
(Laughs) Oh, I don’t know; probably not! The guy who’s playing Romeo does a lot of TV out in
LA and he’s been giving me advice, but that’s such a rat race. Live theatre is what I love.

LUCAS
Wherever the money is, right?

57
 MELISSA
I try not to think of it that way.

LUCAS
Good luck with that.

MELISSA
How ‘bout you?

LUCAS
What about me?

MELISSA
What do you dream about... becoming?

LUCAS
Nothin’ in particular. I mean I wanted to play college ball and that didn’t work out.

MELISSA
But you’re young. Everybody has dreams. Don’t you want to do something with your music?

LUCAS
What would I do with it? I’m not that good. At most it’s a hobby. And anyway there’s no record
companies in this county.

MELISSA
So you go to the city. It’s only a couple hours away! I think we all owe it to ourselves to explore
our potential.

LUCAS
Jeez, I friggin’ hate that word.

MELISSA
“Potential”?

LUCAS
It’s a weekend-people word. The summer I graduated I was working as a lifeguard at the lake.
All the weekend people with their sailboats and their water skis and their high-end bottles of
imported sunscreen or whatever, you would have thought they were my aunts and uncles or
whatever, the way they kept acting so excited about my football scholarship. “We’re so proud of
you! It’s about time somebody around here lived up to their potential. You’ll be the one who got
out!”

MELISSA
Sounds like they were trying to be supportive.

58
 LUCAS
Yeah, why would they want to spend their summers up here if this place is such a dump? Why
assume anybody who lives here wants to “get out”? It’s friggin’ condescending is what it is.

MELISSA
I doubt that’s how they meant it.

LUCAS
You weren’t there. You didn’t have to listen to it. Or put up with their “sympathy” after it fell
through. (Beat) Who says a person has to have “potential” in order to be interesting? Why isn’t it
enough to be who you are right now? To care about your family and work two or three jobs so
your dad doesn’t have to declare bankruptcy and your house doesn’t get defaulted to the bank?

MELISSA
Hey, I’m on your side! I totally know what it’s like to worry about money. You should see my
student loan bills. Don’t lump me in with your “weekend people.”

LUCAS
I know. I didn’t mean...

MELISSA
Acting is my job, okay? I’m here to work. This isn’t a vacation.

LUCAS
Well for half the people in this town it is. Did you know that? They drive up here on weekends
and maybe spend part of their summer here and the rest of the time they’re in the city or in
Europe or LA or where-the-fuck-ever. A few of us are lucky enough to get hired to clean their
houses or mow their lawns or feed the horses they don’t even know how to ride but that they
bought for “local color” or whatever, and in the fall they all go trooping back to the city and
there’s barely enough people left around here to keep the burger joint and the gas station open.
You should come up and see this place in the winter, it’s like a ghost town.

MELISSA
I’d like to, actually. See what it looks like in the winter. (Beat) It sounds lonely though.

LUCAS
It sort of is, some of the time. But beautiful. Especially when it snows.

(They look at each other for a moment. Then BRET enters from left, wearing the same
shorts he wore in the previous scene but no shirt.)

MELISSA
Does it snow a lot up here?

LUCAS
Not as much as it used to, when I was a kid.

59
 BRET
That’s because of global warming. Which is coming to get all of us.

MELISSA
And good morning to you too.

BRET
And which our own so-called president thinks is a hoax.

LUCAS
And I’m guessing you don’t think it is.

BRET
I know it isn’t.

LUCAS
Well I’m sure you know more than the president.

BRET
The whole scientific community knows more than the damn president. Melissa, you’re not
associating with a Trump supporter, are you?

MELISSA
I hope not.

LUCAS
Don’t worry, I didn’t even have time to vote.

BRET
Even worse!

MELISSA
(To LUCAS) Don’t pay attention to him.

LUCAS
I try not to.

MELISSA
It’s been nice talking to you.

LUCAS
You too, Melissa. Hey, you know what?

MELISSA
What?

60
 LUCAS
I think I might take you up on the... the free ticket to see you in the play? If you’re sure it’s not a
problem.

MELISSA
Oh, great! It’s definitely no problem. When do you want to come?

LUCAS
Is there a show next Saturday night?

MELISSA
Yes there is! And that’s the day my boyfriend’s coming up from the city! I’m going to reserve
his ticket today; I can get yours at the same time. Maybe you can sit together.

LUCAS
You know what, that’s okay. Let’s skip it. (He stands up with his guitar.) I’ve got work to do
anyways. (He goes into the house. MELISSA looks at BRET, who shakes his head.)

MELISSA
What?? Okay, I guess I misread that one. The poor guy; I was trying to be friendly.

BRET
He’s trash.

MELISSA
Hey, watch what you’re calling people.

BRET
What? He’s totally a redneck.

MELISSA
What do you call me when I’m not around then?

BRET
What?? What are you talking about? That’s not the same at all and you know it.

MELISSA
Maybe not exactly, but...

BRET
Honey, don’t go weird on me.

MELISSA
He just got me thinking is all. (Shaking herself out of it) Anyway, where have you been? How
was your night?

61
 BRET
It was a life changer.

MELISSA
Okay?

BRET
I’m in love.

MELISSA
Oh Bret.

BRET
No, seriously. For the first time in my life, I am totally in love.

MELISSA
Um, excuse me? I seem to remember you telling me you’ve been in love twice, once in high
school and once in coll—

BRET
I know I said that! But now I know those weren’t it. This one’s different.

MELISSA
Did you sleep with him last night?! (Beat; he nods.) Bret!

BRET
It was perfect. He took me up to the hayloft. There’s this wooden window that opens and we
could see the moon. I felt guilty about it at first, actually, ‘cuz he said he’s been sleeping there
because I’m in his room. I mean, the room he usually sleeps in when the family stays up here,
but his mom didn’t know he was coming—

MELISSA
Because he’s supposed to be in rehab—

BRET
But anyway, he loves it up there in the barn. It was his secret private hideout when he was a kid,
he told me. And he wanted to share that with me.

MELISSA
Aw. (Beat) Weren’t you cold? It was kind of a chilly—

BRET
A little at first. But he has these funky patchwork quilts. For a while we just lay there and talked
and listened to the breeze and the sound of the crickets. And when we... (He grins sheepishly)
Anyway! It felt simple. Almost like we’d known each other for a long time. He was really gentle
and it felt easy. And afterwards we talked, really quietly. He told me things. Intense things about

62
his family and a lot of the shit he’s been through. You know, this family’s even crazier than they
seem like. And he opened up to me; he said he was telling me stuff he hadn’t even been able to
tell his therapists at the rehab center.

MELISSA
Okay; now I’m worried.

BRET
You don’t need to worry about me.

MELISSA
I’m not; I’m worried about him.

BRET
About Colin? What do you mean? You barely know him.

MELISSA
I know he’s been struggling with addiction. And a bunch of other things too apparently. He
seems very broken, and I don’t think you want to get involved with someone like that.

BRET
Except I do. I am.

MELISSA
Yeah, but what if--

BRET
What if I’m good for him? This might be exactly what he needs.

MELISSA
To have a “fling” with you, so you can check it off your list? As one of the “adventures” you
wanted to have while doing summer stock?

BRET
No! (Beat) Don’t throw that back at me.

MELISSA
Really? So what changed?

BRET
A lot of things. Everything!

MELISSA
Prove it. You can’t focus on anything for more than five minutes. You haven’t made a
commitment to even... learn your lines! Much less... (She shakes her head.) Think how much
damage you could end up doing here. If this guy really falls for you and you pull a Bret and

63
disappear on him you could hurt him really bad. And considering the state he’s in...! You’re
playing with fire and I think that’s irresponsible.

BRET
I am absolutely not gonna hurt him. I care about him very much.

MELISSA
Well there’s no way it’s as serious as you think. You’ve only known him for a couple weeks!—
and you were fantasizing about him before you even met him.

BRET
Well sometimes you know right away. Haven’t you ever heard of love at first sight?

MELISSA
Of course. But I don’t believe in it.

BRET
Hmm. Good luck playing Juliet then.

MELISSA
Ouch!

BRET
Maybe that’s why you’ve been struggling.

MELISSA
Who said I’m struggling?? Bret!

(STEPHANIE comes out of the house in shorts and a halter top, with a plastic cup of her
lemonade.)

STEPHANIE
Hey you two. What am I interrupting? You guys coming to breakfast?

MELISSA
No time. We’ve got an early rehearsal. (To BRET) Are you going to put on some clothes or go
like that?

BRET
Give me a minute. (He goes into the house.)

STEPHANIE
So tomorrow’s the big night! How’s Claire doing with the acting thing?

MELISSA
She’s fine. I’m the one who’s a wreck. Tell Bret I’m waiting for him in the car.

64
 (She exits right. STEPHANIE sits on the swing and LUCAS comes back out of the house
carrying a hunting rifle.)

STEPHANIE
Hiya, Luke. Aren’t you looking armed and ready for action.

LUCAS
Not hardly. And it’s Lucas.

STEPHANIE
Where’d you get the gun?

LUCAS
It belonged to the late Mr. Burgess. He had quite a collection. Mrs. Burgess said if I clean them I
can test them out, do some target practice. This one here is a rare old piece. (He sits on the steps
and begins to dismantle and clean the gun.)

STEPHANIE
Enjoy yourself. (She takes a sip of her drink.) I don’t know how you can stand to work in the sun
like that. The humidity up here is hellacious.

LUCAS
I’m used to it. T-shirt’s soaked through already. Sorry if my sweatin’ offends you.

STEPHANIE
I’m not so easily offended. Take it off if you want to.

LUCAS
Yeah, you’d like that I bet.

STEPHANIE
Not for my benefit. But you’d get a better tan. I bet you’ve got what they used to call a farmer’s
suntan. Know what that is?

LUCAS
Of course.

STEPHANIE
Pasty white on the chest, brown or red on the arms and neck.

LUCAS
You calling me a redneck?

STEPHANIE
Gee, I guess that is where the expression comes from.

65
 LUCAS
Well I’m sorry to break it to you but I actually have a solid tan from bein’ out at the lake last
weekend.

STEPHANIE
So prove it.

LUCAS
(Shakes his head) Too much, whatchacallit? “Mixed company” around here these days.

STEPHANIE
We girls won’t mind.

LUCAS
Yeah, neither would the pansy boys.

STEPHANIE
(Almost laughing) The way you talk! You’re not seriously worried about Colin, are you?

LUCAS
More that obnoxious actor kid. Can’t be too careful.

(BRET comes out of the house, having put on a tank top.)

BRET
(Waving as he heads off right.) Toodaloo! I’m off to the theatuh!

LUCAS
(As BRET exits) See what I’m talking about?

STEPHANIE
(Nods knowingly) So that fits.

LUCAS
What?

STEPHANIE
Figures you’d be a homophobe too.

LUCAS
I’m not phobic. They can live their friggin’ lives however they want; doesn’t mean I have to
approve of it.

STEPHANIE
I don’t think Colin or Bret is concerned about your approval.

66
 LUCAS
No, I’m sure they’re not.

STEPHANIE
And I’m sorry to break it to you, but I can’t imagine either of them taking much of an interest in
a... randy rural Republican member of the NRA.

LUCAS
(Polishing the rifle) Sure, make it about politics. Write me off as the enemy. I’m getting used to
it.

STEPHANIE
Hey, I married a friggin’ Republican, remember? He’s just not a rural Republican. Unfortunately
he’s not so randy either—at least not with me. Other than that, there’s probably not as much as
you think separating the two of you.

LUCAS
Other than a few million dollars.

STEPHANIE
Money is as money does. (Beat) And he’s not here either, so there’s that.

LUCAS
Listen, I could give you what you’ve so obviously been fishing for, and I might even enjoy it a
little bit.

STEPHANIE
“A little bit”??

LUCAS
But the next day you’d be through, wouldn’tcha? You’d throw me out, like the trash you think I
am.

STEPHANIE
Try me.

LUCAS
Plus, I don’t approve of fooling around with married women.

STEPHANIE
All this approving and disapproving. Your moral... pulchritude is positively intimidating.

(CLAIRE comes out of the house holding a paperback copy of Romeo and Juliet.)

CLAIRE
What an absolutely beautiful morning!

67
 STEPHANIE
If you like hot and sticky.

CLAIRE
Do you think either of you might be willing to run lines with me?

LUCAS
(Feeling obligated) Um, sure I guess...

STEPHANIE
(Overlapping) That sounds like fun!

CLAIRE
Lovely! You’re off the hook, Lucas. How’s the rifle doing?

LUCAS
(Admiring the gun) It’s in great shape actually. And you said I could...?

CLAIRE
Yes, absolutely! Walt used to set up a row of bottles on the stone wall behind the shed. You can
get some from the recycling bin.

LUCAS
Very cool.

(He gathers up the gun and heads upstage where he exits behind the house. CLAIRE
hands STEPHANIE her script and starts to pace the lawn.)

CLAIRE
My lines are highlighted in pink; just read me the cues.

STEPHANIE
(Finding her place) Okay... Lord Montague says: “Thou villain Capulet! Hold me not. Let me
go.”

CLAIRE
“Thou shalt not move one foot to seek a foe.”

STEPHANIE
Stir.

CLAIRE
What?

STEPHANIE
It’s “stir one foot,” not “move.”

68
 CLAIRE
Oh right, right! I did that in rehearsal yesterday. “Thou shalt not STIR one foot to seek a foe.”

STEPHANIE
Okay. And then... Benvolio says: “While we were interchanging thrusts and blows, came more
and more, and fought on part and part, till the Prince came, who parted either part.”

CLAIRE
“O where is Romeo? Saw you him today? Right glad I am he was not at this fray.”

STEPHANIE
Perfect!

CLAIRE
See, it rhymes! “Day,” “fray.” It’s called a rhymed couplet.

STEPHANIE
(Flipping pages) Where’s the next—

CLAIRE
Oh, that’s it I’m afraid.

STEPHANIE
Oh right! You said it was just a couple—

(COLIN has entered from left, wearing jeans and the shirt BRET wore in the last scene,
unbuttoned. CLAIRE sees him and speaks to him suddenly.)

CLAIRE
Colin! “Where is Romeo? Saw you him today?”

COLIN
What, you mean Bret? He’s just the understudy.

CLAIRE
(Excited, she turns to STEPHANIE, beaming.) He thought I was just asking! That means I was
believable!

COLIN
(Grins) Very good, Mom.

CLAIRE
(She takes the script back from STEPHANIE with a sweeping gesture, and grins.) I’m going to
go change for rehearsal. (And she exits triumphantly into the house.)

69
 STEPHANIE
What a trip.

COLIN
I’m glad she’s enjoying this.

STEPHANIE
That shirt’s not really your style.

COLIN
(A little sheepish) It’s Bret’s.

STEPHANIE
(Getting it) Oh Colin.

COLIN
Please don’t tell Mom.

STEPHANIE
You’re darn right I’d better not. (Feigning moral indignation) She committed to providing a
wholesome environment for these innocent youngsters, and you--

COLIN
Well I’m not exactly corrupting him. It was mainly his idea.

STEPHANIE
Yeah, I can tell you enjoyed it though.

COLIN
He’s lovely. It was the first time in months that I’ve actually felt good without, how shall we
say? Chemical stimulation.

STEPHANIE
Congratulations. Anyway, you’re hardly the first.

COLIN
What do you mean?

STEPHANIE
Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten how shamelessly Trip used to flirt with some of the actresses
we’ve had staying here. In summers past.

COLIN
Nobody ever complained.

70
 STEPHANIE
Knock on wood! It’s never too late to cry “Me Too.” (Beat) I should probably be hoping
somebody does!—it might keep him from running for Congress. (COLIN laughs.) You know, I
sometimes still wonder what it would have been like if I had married you instead of Trip.

COLIN
Oh please.

STEPHANIE
Did you know I never told him you were the one who broke off our engagement?

COLIN
Seriously?

STEPHANIE
I was afraid he wouldn’t be interested if he thought of me as one of your rejects. Not that he
didn’t probably have some inkling of the actual reason.

COLIN
(He nods and sighs.) And you didn’t?

STEPHANIE
(Shrugs) You were rich, and kind, and gorgeous... I saw what I wanted to see. And conveniently
ignored anything that didn’t fit with that.

COLIN
No matter how obvious the truth might have been?

STEPHANIE
Exactly! It’s called being a Republican. (COLIN laughs.) Hey; I wanted to be a Burgess; I admit
it. I applied for admission to this family as if it were college. You were my Harvard; Trip was
my backup school.

COLIN
(Wryly) Yeah, right. Well, knowing what you know now...

STEPHANIE
I still think I might have been happier! (He laughs again.) No! I’m serious! You and I can really
talk! Actually have an honest conversation!

COLIN
Um, yeah, but.

STEPHANIE
Please; the sex life is the first thing to go in any case.

71
 COLIN
(Carefully) He isn’t there for you?

STEPHANIE
Out of town half the time; asleep the other half.

COLIN
I’m sorry.

STEPHANIE
Actually, that’s not really fair. Sometimes I’m the one who withholds.

COLIN
How come?

STEPHANIE
According to my therapist it’s the only way I have of “maintaining some sense of power in the
relationship.” (She takes a sip.)

COLIN
Ouch. And what does your therapist say about your... lemonade? It smells amazing, by the way.

STEPHANIE
Fuck you.

COLIN
(He smiles.) I know an excellent rehab center.

STEPHANIE
Only if you come with me.

(Suddenly the sound of a gunshot is heard from behind the house. COLIN shudders.)

COLIN
Oh God, what was that? (Another shot) What the hell was that?!

STEPHANIE
Must have been Lucas. What’s the matter? Are you okay? (COLIN is shaking. Alarmed,
STEPHANIE calls offstage.) Claire! Mom, can you come out here?

(CLAIRE, having changed her clothes, comes out on the porch.)

CLAIRE
What’s the matter? Is Colin okay?

72
 COLIN
Who’s firing a gun back there?! (Another shot is heard from offstage. COLIN starts to lose his
balance, and STEPHANIE helps him to the picnic table, where he sits down on one of the
benches.)

CLAIRE
Oh, don’t worry, sweetheart. That’s just Lucas! He was admiring Dad’s guns. He’s cleaning
them for me and I told him he could--

COLIN
Are you crazy?! Please tell him to stop!

CLAIRE
Oh, honey, what’s the matter? (She looks at him.) This isn’t about Benjamin again, is it?

COLIN
I said make him stop! Please.

STEPHANIE
Mom, I think we’d better do what he says. (Holding onto COLIN and smoothing his hair) He’s
kind of having an episode here.

CLAIRE
All right then. (Moving left and disappearing behind the house) Lucas! Dear, that’s enough!
Come here please.

STEPHANIE
What’s the matter, baby? (One final shot is heard. COLIN has taken out his cell phone and is
staring at the screen, nervously scrolling.) Colin, what are you doing? (She takes the phone from
him and looks at the screen.) Who’s “Ricky”?

COLIN
That’s none of your business.

STEPHANIE
Colin, talk to me. It’s okay.

(COLIN shakes his head, then just sits there with his face in his hands. CLAIRE comes
back and the two women look at each other, then back at COLIN, unsure of how to help.)

Scene Two

(Late afternoon the next day. TRIP is at the picnic table, sleeves rolled up, working on a laptop
and smartphone. STEPHANIE, wearing a pretty summer dress, is pacing the lawn.)

73
 STEPHANIE
Can’t you sign off for two seconds once in a while? You’re in the country now!

TRIP
Listen, I said I’d come up here for the weekend to see Mom in the play, but that doesn’t mean the
world stops turning. I’m barely staying one step ahead of chaos here. (Beat) Every day there’s a
list of ten questions I wish I could ask Dad.

(Pause. STEPHANIE tentatively touches her husband’s shoulder.)

STEPHANIE
Promise me we’ll drive over to the camp on Sunday morning and visit the boys? Liam sounds so
lonely on the phone; he misses you.

TRIP
I don’t know if we’ll have time for that. You go without me; you’re up here all week.

STEPHANIE
It’s not the same; they need their dad once in a while.

TRIP
I’m doing my best here, alright? Let’s just get this so-called family meeting out of the way and
Colin safely back in rehab. Do you have any idea what he’s been so anxious to talk about?

STEPHANIE
I might.

TRIP
I love the way you still play coy with me after nine years of marriage.

STEPHANIE
Why thank you, darling.

TRIP
We said five-thirty, didn’t we? (Reluctantly he closes the laptop.) Please tell me it’s not anything
childish. I don’t have time for games or crazy ideas. And what the hell’s going on with the
garden? It looks like a disaster area this year.

(CLAIRE and JEAN have come out of the house and are now heading down the porch
steps.)

TRIP
(Rising to greet the ladies) Hey there, Mom. And Witch-lady. Looks like it’s time for the
mysterious pow-wow; please sit.

74
 CLAIRE
(Coldly) I’m sorry the garden’s not up to your standards.

JEAN
(Heading for the Adirondack chair and overlapping CLAIRE’S line) Good evening to you,
Gregory.

TRIP
What did you call me?

JEAN
I said Gregory.

TRIP
Um, I think you know that’s my middle name?

JEAN
You’re too old to be called Trip. “Trip” doesn’t mean anything.

TRIP
It means “Walter Burgess III.”

JEAN
Mm-hmm. Minus the Walter and the Burgess.

TRIP
(Shrugs) It’s traditional.

JEAN
And you know how I feel about tradition. Numbers mean things; so do names.

TRIP
(Laughs) Okay. So why not call me Walt then?

JEAN
Because that’s what we called your late lamented father—when he finally outgrew being called
“Chip.” I’ve never quite respected you as Trip; I’d be open to seeing how I take to you as Greg.

CLAIRE
(Taking a seat beside Trip at the table) You know how she gets, honey. You look so tired. I wish
you’d stay up here for the week and relax. It would do you good.

TRIP
As if. You have no idea the number of fires I’ve been putting out every day. I don’t know how
Dad did it.

75
 COLIN
(Entering from the house in khakis, with a shirt and tie in pastel colors, and carrying a
notebook) What kind of fires, Trip? Did another one of our oil rigs explode?

TRIP
I was being figurative, kiddo. (Rising to shake his brother’s hand) You’re looking rather well I
must say.

COLIN
Thanks for making it back up here finally.

TRIP
Hey, I’m here for you, little brother. Let’s hear what you’ve been so anxious to talk about.

(The two men sit down, a bit self-consciously, on opposite sides of the table. STEPHANIE
sits between them.)

TRIP
(Not quite mocking but not quite playful) And the annual meeting of the Burgess family is now
called to order.

CLAIRE
Oh dear; I forgot to ask if anybody wanted snacks! I can ask Carlotta to bring some cheese and
crackers.

COLIN
No thanks, Mom. This is a meeting, not a party.

TRIP
Okay. So what exactly is on your mind?

COLIN
I want to talk about Dad’s Will.

TRIP
So you said. Look, once you’re finished with rehab we can work out some kind of monthly
allowance system. I just need to know you can be trusted.

COLIN
That is so not what this is about. I’d almost rather he’d disinherited me completely.

TRIP
Um, okay. So just what is it about the Will you find so unsatisfactory? Not that I’d expect you to
be able to understand much of it, but I have a copy here if you need me to explain anything.

76
 COLIN
I don’t need your help understanding it, Trip.

JEAN
Gregory.

COLIN
What?

CLAIRE
Just humor her.

COLIN
Okay, “Gregory.” (Beat) My understanding is that the will provides, through the Burgess Family
Foundation, an annual gift, in perpetuity, of four hundred thousand dollars a year to the Free
Enterprise Institute in Washington, DC.

TRIP
That’s correct. Dad helped build that organization and he’s been supporting it for fifteen years.

COLIN
(Referring to his notebook) According to my research, the primary activities of that so-called
“think tank” involve: (Clears his throat) Paying so-called “authorities,” with very dubious
credentials, to churn out articles and research papers advocating positions such as: deregulation
of the oil and gas industries; repealing the Environmental Protection Agency’s standards on air
and water quality; lowering taxes on business and the one percent; debunking the “hoax” of
climate change; and detailing “the many ways in which bank deregulation benefits the poor.”

(Pause)

TRIP
Your point being? (COLIN just gives him a look and turns the page.) I’ll have you know that
organization has been instrumental in fighting to save our country.

COLIN
From what, exactly?

TRIP
From big government. From the Democrats! I hate to break it to you, Colin, but there are people
out there—lots of people—who want to punish hard work and initiative.

COLIN
By protecting the environment?

TRIP
By putting limits and restrictions on the American free market. The free market is what this

77
nation’s independence and strength was originally built on.

COLIN
Uh-huh. As I’ve heard Dad say fifty times at the dinner table—usually after having one too many
drinks.

TRIP
Well I’m glad you remember. The free market is one of the guiding principles our family has
always stood for. In fact, Grandpa was one of the original members of the John Birch Society.

COLIN
Yeah, thanks for reminding me of that!

TRIP
And in case you missed it in your research, we also give almost as much money every year to
Americans for a Healthy Economy—a grassroots advocacy group fighting for the rights of the
individual businessman.

COLIN
Oh, I’ve got their number too. That’s what’s called a “shell organization.”

TRIP
Which is supposed to mean what?

COLIN
They’re even worse than the Institute! They present themselves as a “grassroots movement,”
sure, but the whole thing is really run by just a few highly paid individuals. I’ve got their names
right here if you’re interested. They hide behind nonprofit status, which allows them to get
around campaign finance laws. And you can bet that every one of the political candidates they
siphon our money off to is firmly in the pocket of the fuel industry!

TRIP
Alright, Colin, we get it. Just tell me who you’ve been talking to.

COLIN
You stuck me in a rehab center for a few weeks. Lots of time for reading. And independent
research.

TRIP
Okay; so you’ve started reading The New Yorker or watching CNN. Are you seriously telling me
you think that gives you the authority to decide how your father’s legacy should be distributed?!
Unlike you, Dad understood the connection between economic liberty and political freedom. He
inherited a successful business from grandpa and built it into a huge one; where do you think any
of us would be right now otherwise? All the privileges that you take for granted you owe to that.
So the causes he believed in, and the philanthropic choices he made--

78
 COLIN
It’s not philanthropy! Don’t fool yourself by calling it that. The only cause he ever believed in
was his own bottom line! (He looks to CLAIRE.) Mom, do you understand what I’m saying here?

CLAIRE
(Trying to smile) No, not really, dear.

COLIN
Grandmother?

JEAN
(Ominously) Mmm-hmm.

COLIN
Every so-called charitable donation he made was geared to exactly one purpose: to increase the
profit margin of Burgess Oil and Gas. No matter how much damage we do in the process. I don’t
know how much of it is even legal, really, but none of it should be.

TRIP
Okay, now that’s enough.

CLAIRE
Um, excuse me. But don’t forget we’ve always given money to the Philharmonic and the Met
Museum. Not to mention the Catskill Playhouse.

COLIN
Sure, great; a couple thousand a year. The political contributions have added up to millions, and
the Will sets it up to continue that way long after we’re all dead. It’s on us to do something.

TRIP
Look, even if I had time to listen to any more of this bleeding-heart whining, the point is: I don’t
have to. The Will is a binding document! There are only a few ways to challenge a will legally,
and you don’t have the grounds for any of them.

COLIN
(Tapping his notebook) I’ve been researching that too. There’s “Testamentary Capacity.”

STEPHANIE
Which would mean Walt had dementia, or didn’t have the mental capacity to understand what he
was doing.

TRIP
(Taken aback) Um, thanks dear. (To COLIN) Are you actually suggesting that Dad had
Alzheimer’s?

79
 COLIN
There were definitely problems. How many times in the past couple years did he have airline
tickets and then end up missing the flight?

TRIP
Oh please!! That was only because he wouldn’t fire that incompetent secretary! She messed up
the itineraries and--

CLAIRE
(Interrupting) He forgot our anniversary twice and my birthday once. (TRIP just stares at her
incredulously.) I’m just pointing that out.

(Sound of a car arriving in the driveway)

COLIN
He used to call me “Andrew” by mistake. Forgetting his own son’s name?

TRIP
Uncle Andrew is his youngest brother! It’s understandable since you’re the younger son.

STEPHANIE
(Remembering) He used to call me “Toots.” (Beat) Like on Thanksgiving. Or New Year’s Eve,
especially. (TRIP gives her a look.) We’ll talk about it later, honey.

TRIP
This is a ludicrous conversation! You’re grasping at straws.

COLIN
I think there’s a case to be made. (Consulting his notes) Anyway... there’s also “Undue
Influence.”

TRIP
Give me a fucking break please!

(BRET enters from right, in a hurry.)

BRET
Hey, Claire! Ready for the big night?

CLAIRE
Bret, we’re having a little family meeting.

BRET
Sorry to interrupt! Just gonna grab a bite before heading back. (Crossing behind the table, he
senses a vibe and puts his hand on COLIN’s shoulder.) You okay? (COLIN nods.)

80
 TRIP
(To COLIN, as BRET goes into the house) I don’t think I want to know.

STEPHANIE
Colin has a new friend.

TRIP
I definitely don’t need to know.

COLIN
As I was saying, a will can be invalidated if it’s proven that a third party had Undue Influence
over its contents.

TRIP
(Condescending) And just who do you think had “influence” over Walter Burgess Jr.?

CLAIRE
Good point. I don’t think I ever saw him listen to advice from anyone. (Beat) Ever.

TRIP
(Smiles) Exactly.

COLIN
What about those annual “summits”? Twice a year since about 2003, at places like Palm Springs,
Lake Tahoe, Vail...

JEAN
Oh yes, the Pepsi Brothers’ Seminars, I called them.

COLIN
(Smiles) Good one, Grandmother.

CLAIRE
The Witch and I went along a couple times. We enjoyed the amenities at the resorts, but Walt
wouldn’t ever let us go to the meetings.

JEAN
It was dystopian. Anyone who did go had to check their phones and computers at the door, and
destroy all their notes afterwards. I was going to write a short story about it. But then I thought,
why bother?

COLIN
An exposé would be more like it. Financiers and oil barons. Secret meetings where the richest
men in the country hatch plans to disable the government and make the world safe for big
business. (To TRIP) Didn’t you ever go to one of those?

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 TRIP
(Shakes his head) I wanted to, but if Dad was going to be away for the weekend, he needed me in
the office.

COLIN
Well now you know. It’s like a cult almost. Brainwashing. I would call that Undue Influence.

TRIP
(Laughs) That’s ridiculous! And you know it.

COLIN
Well if I can’t convince you, we can let a judge decide.

TRIP
And you think I’m going to write a check for a couple hundred thousand dollars from your trust
fund so you can pay a lawyer to take me to court?

COLIN
It’s not you personally; it’s the Will I’m fighting. And there are lawyers out there who are
outraged by this whole movement. I think one of them might get excited about taking this on.

TRIP
And work pro bono for a scion of one of the richest families in the state? Your ignorance is
rivalled only by your arrogance.

STEPHANIE
Actually, I have a couple friends from school who might be interested. As a matter of principle.
(To COLIN) I can get you some contacts.

TRIP
Excuse me?? Whose side are you on here, Steph?

STEPHANIE
Does everything have to be partisan? I’m intrigued by the debate. A level playing field might
help keep things interesting.

TRIP
Okay, that’s it. This whole family has now officially gone bat-shit crazy.

CLAIRE
Can we please try to keep this pleasant? This is a big night for me and I won’t have it ruined by a
petty argument over money.

TRIP
Right; I almost forgot about the stupid play. I have a ton of work to finish—

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 CLAIRE
(Overlapping) It’s not stupid!

COLIN
You need to get there on time, Trip. She’s only in the first scene so if you’re late you’ll miss her.

TRIP
Really? (To CLAIRE) I would have hoped a signed first edition of Shoot the Messenger would
have snagged you a big death scene. Or at least a tap solo.

CLAIRE
That’s not funny.

TRIP
Sorry, sorry.

CLAIRE
No you’re not. (She stands.) And after what I’ve just been listening to, you are in no position to
criticize.

STEPHANIE
Good point.

CLAIRE
I did not buy my way into this show. (With slowly building anger) Henry made a decision to trust
me. I have worked hard in rehearsal, alongside everybody else, and I resent the cute little jokes
and innuendoes you all have been tossing around as if I weren’t even present. Who are you to
complain about the garden, Trip Burgess? This isn’t your house! I have spent the last thirty-five
years smiling and supporting your father while he was doing... Lord knows what!—and coddling
and nurturing you two boys in the hopes that you would grow up to be men I could be proud of.
And if all you’ve learned how to do is sit around sniping at each other and arguing about politics
and money, forgive me if I want to do something artistic! Something creative! Weed your own
fucking garden! I’ve been Mrs. Walt Burgess for so long I barely know who I am anymore.
Maybe I don’t know who he was either. But the one thing I do know is I’m through trying to be
the nurturer. Is it so terrible if I need something for me finally? One little thing that’s not about
being his wife or your mother? Or the daughter of the brilliant Jean Holt?? Maybe it wasn’t
painting. And I’m not even sure it’s going to be acting. But is it too much to ask you to maybe
support me a little bit for once?

COLIN
Mom, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean--

CLAIRE
(Checking her watch) So if you’ll excuse me, I have a play to go do. I’ve been told we’re sold
out. You can come if you want to, or stay home and squabble. Your choice.

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 (She exits stage right.)

JEAN
Well done, Greg.

COLIN
Grandmother, can’t you give me some help here? (Tries to smile) I mean you did write the book
they said “gave voice to the rage of a generation.”

JEAN
(Shakes her head) Anger is easy. Anybody can do anger. That’s kid’s stuff. (She stands.) You
know what’s hard? Hope. You know what else is hard? Seeing potential. Uncovering...
possibilities? Looking into your crystal ball and finding something to believe in. I never figured
that out, gentlemen, and so I leave it to you. I have to go see my daughter do a play.

(She exits right, and after a moment CLAIRE’s car is heard pulling out. The others look
at each other for a moment in uncomfortable silence.)

STEPHANIE
Trip, I made a dinner reservation at The Maplewood Inn for 6:30. We can go from there to the
show.

TRIP
Sure; we’re done here. Right, Colin?

COLIN
(Getting desperate; not ready to concede) Can you please just try to listen to me?

TRIP
I’ve been listening for too long.

COLIN
All I want is for us to try to be better. As a family. Why can’t we take what Dad built and... at
least try to move forward? Isn’t that the way to honor him? (Beat; he’s exhausted.) Wouldn’t it
be something, if Burgess Oil and Gas could finally find a way to give something back? Rather
than just taking and taking and taking.

TRIP
(Standing) That’s pretty lame coming from you. Because who in this family has taken more or
given less than you have? (Beat) Who do you think paid for the Ivy League education you
squandered? Do you think you could have afforded to live in a loft apartment in Chelsea for five
years, lying around doing drugs and trying to think of something to write about, if you didn’t
have a family that cares about you, and puts up with you, and is willing to subsidize your
pathetic navel-gazing? Your father knew how the world works and you don’t. It’s that simple.
And you think you can come up here, after having read a few trashy articles and watched some
fake news, and dictate the terms of his legacy? Listen, I want to get you the help that you

84
desperately need, but right now you’re an embarrassment. (He turns to STEPHANIE.) Come on;
we’ll take my car.

(He leads the way off right; STEPHANIE starts to follow, then walks back over to the
table and touches COLIN, who is nearly crying.)

STEPHANIE
You know he’s a bully, Colin. Don’t let him get to you.

COLIN
(Shaking his head) Most of what he said about me is true.

STEPHANIE
No it isn’t. Go wash your face. You’re coming to the play, right? It’ll be fun...

TRIP’S VOICE
(Off) Steph, are you coming?

COLIN
I don’t know. I can see it another time.

STEPHANIE
Change your mind, okay?

(She quickly kisses him on the head, then exits right, with a worried look back at him over
her shoulder. In a moment, TRIP’s car is heard pulling out. COLIN is shaking. He pulls
out his phone and stares hard at it for a moment, then shuts it off almost violently. He
stands up and paces the yard, trying to wipe tears away with his hand, and then looks at
his phone again and finally enters a number.)

COLIN
Ricky? It’s Colin. Long time; I know. Listen, I need a fix tonight. The problem is I’m at my
grandmother’s place in the Catskills. (BRET comes out of the house and stops on the porch. He
listens to COLIN for a moment.) I know, but I’ve got the cash. Just tell me how much you need
to figure something out. Do you still have your contact in Middletown? There’s a car here. I
could drive to Liberty and meet him halfway...

BRET
(He comes quickly down the steps and takes hold of COLIN’S arm.) Colin, what do you think
you’re doing?

COLIN
Hey; I’m on the phone.

BRET
Hang up!

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 COLIN
(Into the phone) Sorry, Ricky, there’s a--

BRET
(He takes the phone from COLIN and speaks into it.) Forget it, Ricky. Change of plans. (He
disconnects the call.)

COLIN
I can’t believe you did that! Give me that back!

BRET
(Shakes his head) Sorry. (Looking into COLIN’s eyes) Ohmygod, have you been crying? What’s
the matter?

COLIN
It’s family stuff. I need to be alone right now.

BRET
Um, I think it’s obvious that’s a bad idea.

COLIN
Who asked you?

BRET
Colin, you’ve come so far! You’ve been doing great! I’m not going to let you relapse tonight
because of some stupid family fight.

COLIN
Don’t worry; I can handle this.

BRET
No you can’t.

COLIN
All I need is something to get me through the night, okay? No big deal; I’ve done this before.
Tomorrow I’ll clean up again and get back on track; you’ll see.

BRET
Hey, I may not know a lot about addiction but I know that’s not how it works.

COLIN
Just get outta here, please. Don’t you have to get ready for your play? My mom left already.

BRET
(Looks at his watch and hesitates) No. I’m just the understudy, remember? If Steve wasn’t going
on tonight they’d have called me by now.

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 COLIN
(Confused) Wait; I thought you were--

BRET
Nope. Let’s just sit down, okay? Tell me what’s wrong.

COLIN
(Not sitting) My brother hates me, I’m a fuckup, my mom’s clueless, my grandmother’s a witch
with no powers, and my dad’s foundation makes enough money just in interest to pour millions
of dollars every year—in perpetuity!—into tearing down the government and killing the planet.
And there’s not a fucking thing I can do about any of it! Except get high tonight. And my body
and my brain are both going to explode in about ten seconds if you don’t give me my phone back
right now.

BRET
No they won’t.

COLIN
I said give it! (COLIN grabs for the phone and they struggle for a moment; then BRET lifts the
phone over his head and tosses it with all his strength into the woods beside the house, off left.)
God damn it, what did you do? That was my phone! Who in the hell do you think you are??

BRET
Somebody who cares, okay?

COLIN
Not okay! Give me yours.

BRET
My what?

COLIN
Your phone, damn it!

(BRET backs away but COLIN follows him; he reaches into the pocket of BRET’S shorts
and pulls out his phone.)

BRET
What are you—?!? (COLIN is tapping in a number.) Oh no you don’t. Give me that. (They
struggle over the phone and BRET gets it away from COLIN. He hurls it to the ground and
stomps on it, grinding his heel into it.)

COLIN
What the...?! You just destroyed your own phone!

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 BRET
There are more important things. (Beat) It was a cheap one.

COLIN
Well that was a big waste because you know what? The Witch still keeps a landline!

BRET
(Moving up onto the porch and spreading his arms to block the door.) Well for that you’d have
to get inside the house, wouldn’t you? And that is just so not happening.

COLIN
Says you?

BRET
Says me! (They stand there for a second at an impasse.) I’m pretty sure you’re not the violent
type. But I should warn you: I’m certified with recommendation in unarmed stage combat!

(COLIN makes a fairly weak attempt to push BRET out of the way of the door. BRET
grabs him around the torso and they tumble down onto the porch. Locked together, they
roll down the steps into the grass. COLIN is shaking worse than ever; BRET just holds
him as tightly as possible.)

BRET
Colin, it’s okay. Hold onto me instead, okay? Just hold on. I love you, okay? You’re going to be
okay. Where do you want to go, Colin? I’ve got my car; I’ll take you anywhere you want.

COLIN
I don’t care; anyplace! As far away as possible.

(BRET nods; he scrambles to his feet and helps COLIN up, then with his arm around his
shoulders hurries him offstage right.)

BRET
You’re going to be alright, baby. We’ve got a car; let’s get out of here.

(They exit, and the sound of car doors opening and closing is heard offstage.)

Scene Three

(Late that night. Sound of crickets. In the dark, STEPHANIE, still dressed for the theatre, is
sitting by herself in the Adirondack chair on the lawn, sipping a drink. There is an unlit mosquito
candle on the arm of her chair. After a moment, LUCAS comes on from right, quickly and
quietly, carrying a flashlight. He looks around but does not see STEPHANIE, then steps
carefully up onto the porch where he drops his knapsack, slowly opens the unlocked door, and
goes into the house. A moment later, he comes back out onto the porch carrying a book. He looks

88
over both shoulders, then quickly slips the book into his knapsack, picks it up, and heads down
the steps. At that moment, STEPHANIE strikes a match and lights the mosquito candle;
surprised, LUCAS halts in his tracks.)

STEPHANIE
If you don’t mind my asking: What do you think you’re doing?

LUCAS
What? (Beat) Oh fuck.

STEPHANIE
Excuse me?

LUCAS
Nothing. I mean, I’m done for the day; just heading out.

STEPHANIE
With an autographed first edition of Shoot the Messenger concealed in your backpack.

LUCAS
I was going to borrow it and read it. It sounds interesting. Claire—Mrs. Burgess—lets me borrow
books once in a while.

STEPHANIE
Uh-huh. What was the last book you read? (Pause) I thought so. You think Claire’s going to
believe you were “just borrowing” a book worth thousands of dollars? Late at night, with no one
around—oh wait, woops! Except the drunken daughter-in-law!

LUCAS
Are you going to tell her?

STEPHANIE
Give me a reason why I shouldn’t. (Beat) How long do you think you’ve got before they notice
it’s missing?

LUCAS
They won’t ever! They don’t even keep track. I heard Mrs. Burgess say they still have “eight or
ten” of the signed copies; I counted thirteen in there!

STEPHANIE
Ah, so you had it all figured out. The master criminal. Why not steal two or three then?

LUCAS
Please. I’m sorry, okay? My family’s in deep shit financially. I guess I wasn’t thinking. I really
can’t lose my job over this, okay? I promise I won’t try it again. Just please don’t say anything.
(Pause; she just looks at him.) Hey come on, please. Tell me how I can fix this.

89
 STEPHANIE
Well gee I don’t know. You might have to kill me.

LUCAS
Have to wha...?? What are you talking—

STEPHANIE
How else can you be sure I won’t talk? (Beat) Now that you’re a thief, it’s just one more tiny
little step to becoming a murderer. You’re a big guy; I’m sure you could smother me, or strangle
me with your bare hands. I won’t even cry out. Come on, you might even enjoy it.

LUCAS
Fuck you.

STEPHANIE
That might have been an option at one point. I don’t do petty thieves though. White collar
criminals, well... (She laughs.) Everything’s relative I guess.

LUCAS
So... what? Are you gonna call the state troopers? Go ahead. I didn’t take anything off the
property so there’s nothing to charge me with anyways. (She just looks at him) What are you
waiting for?

STEPHANIE
(Shrugs) You’re not worth the energy.

LUCAS
(He takes the book out of his knapsack and tosses it to her.) I’m outta here. Tell Mrs. Burgess I
quit.

(He exits quickly right. STEPHANIE sighs and starts to flip through the book casually. A
car pulls in off right, and after a moment TRIP enters. He stops and looks at his wife;
there is tension between them. Finally he speaks.)

TRIP
Hey.

STEPHANIE
Hey there. How was the play?

TRIP
I fell asleep after the intermission. Mom was pretty good though. She was disappointed you
weren’t there.

STEPHANIE
What did you tell her?

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 TRIP
I said we had an argument at dinner and you stormed out of the restaurant. I assumed you
skipped the play because you didn’t want to sit next to me.

STEPHANIE
A Burgess telling the truth. I’m impressed.

TRIP
What have you been up to?

STEPHANIE
Oh, the usual. Preventing a crime... coming dangerously close to committing one or two others.
(She quickly shuts the book and puts it down next to her chair.)

TRIP
(Sitting down heavily on the porch steps) I never know what you’re talking about anymore.

STEPHANIE
I’ve noticed that. I have a question for you.

TRIP
Haven’t we had enough for one night?

STEPHANIE
Is your Uncle Andrew telling the truth?

TRIP
About what?

STEPHANIE
The lawsuit. Did Walt really cheat him out of his fair share of your grandfather’s estate?

TRIP
(Beat) I don’t know for sure. Don’t call it cheating! Dad was always good at twisting the facts to
get what he wanted; it’s part of being a businessman. He was looking out for our interests.

STEPHANIE
Mm-hmm. So if you conceded the case...

TRIP
Wait a second.

STEPHANIE
If you agreed to give Andrew what he’s asking for, that could hobble the Foundation, effectively.

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 TRIP
Possibly. What are you...?

STEPHANIE
If he were to win his case, then you couldn’t claim you didn’t have a reason to stop giving all
that money to those insidious organizations.

TRIP
They’re not... What do you mean, “insidious”?

STEPHANIE
Colin left his notebook out here. I’ve been reading up.

TRIP
Look. Just between you and me, I’m not so sure that one or two of the things Colin said about the
Institute might not be valid. Okay? But it’s not my decision to make. And I have to think about
the boys. At some point all this is gonna go to Jason and Liam; it’s their interests we’ve got to
look out for, right? More than anything else.

STEPHANIE
Sure. And they may need a billion dollars in twenty years, just to relocate the business once
Manhattan is under water.

TRIP
Whatever, honey. You’re in fine form tonight.

STEPHANIE
Thank you. I’ve got another question. (He just shrugs and looks at her.) Who was Benjamin?

TRIP
Who was...? Oh, God! That’s a long story. (Shakes his head) Ancient history.

STEPHANIE
We’ve got time. (Beat) I’ve heard Colin mention him more than once. Like it’s a thing between
the two of you.

TRIP
I guess it is. (He thinks a moment and makes a decision.) Okay. One summer up here, Colin and
I were maybe ten, twelve, Dad decided it was time for both of us to learn how to shoot a gun. So
he bought rifles for the two of us, and started by setting up a row of cans along the top of the
stone wall behind the barn. Target practice. I enjoyed it; it made me feel grown up. But Colin
hated it. His hands shook and he could barely hit one can, but he did his best to try to humor
Dad. The problem was when Dad decided we were ready to move on to actual game. (He sighs
and looks at the ground.)

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 STEPHANIE
And?

TRIP
Dad was going to take us to the lake to try shooting some ducks; he also suggested going after a
squirrel or a rabbit in the woods. And Colin refused. He said there was no way he was going to
kill an innocent animal. Dad tried to force him but Colin made such a scene that finally Dad and
I just went without him. I bagged two ducks that afternoon. Anyway, though, the issue was that
Colin had sort of, what would you call it? Adopted a little rabbit that summer. One of the ones
that played right around the house. He fed it every day and eventually the thing felt safe enough
to let him pet it. Even sat on his lap. Colin named it Benjamin, after some kids’ book about a
bunny I think. Anyway, when Dad and I got back from our little hunting trip and saw Colin on
the lawn playing with his little bunny, that really set Dad off. He said rabbits are game in this
part of the country; you don’t make friends with them, you hunt ‘em and then you cook ‘em.
“Tastes like chicken” is the cliché I guess. So we had another round of Dad yelling and Colin
crying, and Benjamin Bunny got scared and ran off into the bushes. But Dad said Colin was
going to grow up soft if he didn’t learn what’s what; he went and got Colin’s rifle and told him to
wait till Benjamin came back and then shoot him. Of course Colin refused; he was in love with
the damn bunny. So then Dad had another idea. He said at least one of his sons was going to
learn how to be a man...

STEPHANIE
(Beat) Tell me you didn’t.

TRIP
I didn’t feel like I had a choice. Actually... I think I was proud to be able to prove to Dad I was
strong enough to do it; any chance to show up Colin at that point was a plus. And sure enough, it
wasn’t long before the stupid rabbit came hopping on back. Colin went spastic and Dad had to
hold his arms to keep him from grabbing the gun away from me. But he made him watch. I
bagged the rabbit on the first shot.

STEPHANIE
That’s sadistic.

TRIP
That wasn’t the end of it. Dad was determined to show Colin what rabbits are really for, so he
had our cook fry him up and serve him for dinner that night. (Beat) It did taste kind of like
chicken.

STEPHANIE
And he made Colin eat it?

TRIP
No. He wanted to but when Colin realized what was happening he locked himself in his room.
Wouldn’t come out for two days.

93
 STEPHANIE
And you, on the other hand, forgot all about it.

TRIP
Hey, that’s not fair. I’ve thought about it often. (Beat) I was only twelve, Steph.

STEPHANIE
(Nods) Lord knows we’ve all made mistakes.

TRIP
Is Colin here?

STEPHANIE
I don’t think so. The Witch is upstairs reading, but otherwise the house is empty. I checked the
hayloft too but he’s not there.

TRIP
Hmm. Do you think we should be worried? I was kind of rough on him. Said some things I-- (He
spots something shiny on the ground and goes to pick it up.) What’s this?

STEPHANIE
Is that Colin’s phone?

TRIP
It’s all smashed up though. Like somebody tried to crush it. (They freeze and look at each other.)
Something’s wrong here. (He tries to think for a moment.) Okay: where the heck is Colin?

STEPHANIE
I don’t know. He was pretty distraught when we left for dinner. He didn’t come to the play...

TRIP
(Getting more worried) If he tries anything stupid...

STEPHANIE
(Abruptly) Do you think he did it on purpose, Trip?

TRIP
Did what?

STEPHANIE
The overdose. He was mainlining, drinking at the same time...

TRIP
Nope. When I checked him into the center, he assured me it was an accident.

94
 STEPHANIE
And when have you given him any reason to confide in you? (Beat) Your brother’s in trouble,
Trip.

TRIP
I’ll get the car and go look for him. Do you want to come?

STEPHANIE
I think I should stay here and call you if he shows up. Where’s Mom?

TRIP
They were having some kind of opening night party; she’ll probably be late.

STEPHANIE
(Starting to take out her phone) I’d better call and tell her what’s happening.

TRIP
We don’t know what’s happening, Steph. There’s no point in getting her all worried. I’m going
to find him.

STEPHANIE
You do that. (Beat) I’ll be here.

(TRIP gives STEPHANIE a perfunctory kiss on the cheek, then pulls out his car keys and
exits right. Still standing, STEPHANIE watches him go.)

Scene Four

(Early morning the next day. MELISSA comes out of the house and down the porch steps; she
spots the copy of Shoot the Messenger lying where STEPHANIE dropped it and picks it up. After
a moment CLAIRE comes on from left.)

MELISSA
Any word?

CLAIRE
(Nods) They got back around five this morning. I heard Bret’s car pull in and I could see them
from my window. They seemed all right, but they both went straight up to the hayloft. (MELISSA
quickly starts to exit left.) Melissa, don’t. Let them rest. There’ll be time to talk later.

MELISSA
Are you seriously telling me Bret’s asleep? Doesn’t he know how much trouble he’s in? I need
to talk to him.

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 CLAIRE
It’s not your responsibility, honey. We don’t know what went on here after we left. It’s still
early; let them sleep. What do you have there?

MELISSA
It’s a copy of Ms. Holt’s book. One of the autographed ones! It was lying on the ground here; it’s
damp from the dew, and the cover’s a little bent.

CLAIRE
(Taking it from her) That’s odd...

(STEPHANIE comes out on the porch.)

STEPHANIE
Top of the morning, y’all.

CLAIRE
Have you heard from Trip?

STEPHANIE
Nope. I’ve been trying to call him ever since Colin got back, but he doesn’t pick up.

CLAIRE
Well that’s worrisome! (To MELISSA) Trip got concerned when Colin didn’t come home last
night and went out looking for him. (To STEPHANIE) Are you sure he has his phone?

STEPHANIE
Oh yeah; the plan was for me to call him if Colin came back or called. I’m guessing it ran down
and he doesn’t have a charger with him.

CLAIRE
Well that’s just terrible! He could end up driving around all day, and Colin’s right here safe and
sound!

STEPHANIE
(Shrugs) It might do Trip some good; he had a lot of thinking to do.

CLAIRE
By the way, do you have any idea how this book got out here?

(Pause. STEPHANIE sees the book in CLAIRE’S hand and freezes.)

STEPHANIE
Oh shit.

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 CLAIRE
What?

STEPHANIE
(Recovering) No idea. Maybe the Witch defenestrated it! You know how she gets.

(Trying to look unconcerned, she wanders down towards the swing as HENRY
WHITCOMBE walks on from right.)

CLAIRE
Henry! What a surprise. Good morning.

HENRY
Good morning, Claire. Congratulations again on your debut.

CLAIRE
I didn’t hear your car.

HENRY
I walked.

CLAIRE
All the way around the lake?

HENRY
(Nods) A brisk morning walk does me good. Though I’m afraid the conversation I came for
won’t be as pleasant. (Noticing the book in CLAIRE’s hand) Oh my; is that our book?

CLAIRE
No no. We’ll get you a better copy; this one got a little wet somehow.

MELISSA
It’ll dry off.

CLAIRE
Why don’t you keep it, Melissa dear? (Handing the book back to her) You’re the one who
rescued it. And you love the book so much; I’m sure the Witch would want you to have it.

MELISSA
Oh gosh; that’s too generous!

CLAIRE
Nonsense. No one is more deserving. Keep it as a memento of the summer you played Juliet!
And try not to judge our family too harshly.

MELISSA
Thank you!
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 HENRY
Is Bret here?

CLAIRE
I think he’s still asleep, Henry.

HENRY
You’d better wake him up.

MELISSA
I’ll go. (She heads off left.)

HENRY
Where is she going?

STEPHANIE
The barn.

HENRY
The barn?! I thought you were providing bedrooms...

CLAIRE
Oh, we are, Henry. Don’t worry; it’s a little complicated.

(MELISSA returns with a rumpled and disheveled BRET, barefoot and in shorts and a
wrinkled T-shirt. HENRY just looks at him.)

HENRY
Would you ladies mind excusing us for a few minutes? Bret and I need to have a little talk.

CLAIRE
Of course. (To MELISSA and STEPHANIE) There’s coffee in the kitchen.

(The women go inside; MELISSA gives BRET’s elbow an intense squeeze on the way
out.)

HENRY
What do you have to say for yourself, sir?

BRET
What can I say? I’m very sorry.

HENRY
That was an opening night performance, with reviewers in the house. You don’t have an
understudy. Wesley had to go on for you, with script in hand. Terrence had to rechoreograph the
fight in the first scene to cut most of your moves; we held the house for twenty minutes with the

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audience waiting outside! We—

BRET
Okay, I get it. How can I fix this?

HENRY
You let down your colleagues and you let down an audience. That’s the worst thing an actor can
do in the theater. (Pause; BRET nods slowly.) Why don’t you start by telling me what happened.

BRET
I was dealing with a personal crisis.

HENRY
Why didn’t you call the stage manager?

BRET
Phones were kind of... an issue.

(JEAN comes out onto the porch and sits down slowly on the glider.)

HENRY
I sent a couple of the apprentices over here to look for you but you were nowhere to be found.
(BRET just nods.) You’ve got to give me something to work with here. What happened?

BRET
I’m not sure. But I think I might have saved somebody’s life.

HENRY
Okay. So can you tell me the story?

BRET
(Shakes his head) It’s not my story to tell.

HENRY
(Pause) The funny thing is, I’m inclined to believe you.

BRET
Does that mean I’m not fired?

HENRY
(Sighs) No, of course not. Given the situation I have no choice but to let you go. (BRET nods
again.) You’ll need to pack up and be out of here by tomorrow evening.

JEAN
(From the porch) Excuse me, Henry. (HENRY looks up at her.) It’s your prerogative to terminate
his employment. How long he’s allowed to stay here is up to us.

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 HENRY
Of course. Good morning, Ms. Holt. (Shaking hands with BRET) Good luck to you, Bret. I’m
sorry things ended this way.

(He turns and goes. BRET stands still for a moment, shaken. COLIN comes on from left;
he is exhausted but has done his best to look presentable with combed hair and clean
clothes.)

COLIN
Hey you. (BRET turns to him.) You okay?

BRET
I’m fine. Just lost my job with the Playhouse, is all.

COLIN
You did what?? What happened?

BRET
For missing the show last night.

COLIN
But you said...!

BRET
Yeah yeah; I know what I said.

COLIN
So this is all my fault. As usual.

BRET
Not a bit. (He holds out his arms and COLIN moves to him and holds him.)

COLIN
I’m so sorry.

(MELISSA comes out of the house. She looks at them.)

MELISSA
Excuse me for interrupting. (BRET turns to her.) That was fast. How did it go?

BRET
I’m afraid you’ll have to do without me for the rest of the summer.

MELISSA
Shit! I can’t... (She shakes her head.) He’s got to give you a second chance! You’re my best
friend! Let me talk to Henry.

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 COLIN
I’m the one who should talk to him.

BRET
It wouldn’t change anything.

MELISSA
(Trying not to cry) You stupid goofball. I just... You know I love you, but I’ve been afraid
something like this would happen. When are you finally going to learn how to honor a
commitment?

BRET
(Quietly; with a glance at COLIN) I think that might be what I am learning.

MELISSA
(Looks at her watch) Damn, I have to go to rehearsal. We’re starting on the musical today. (She
is crying now. She goes to BRET and hugs him.) I’m so mad at you. (She runs out right.)

COLIN
I don’t deserve to live. Tell me how to make this up to you.

(A car is heard arriving in the driveway.)

BRET
It’s okay. Maybe it’s for the best. ‘Cause you’re going back to Philly tomorrow, right?

(The car door slams.)

COLIN
(Worried) Um, that’ll be my brother...

BRET
So if I had to finish out the summer season, I wouldn’t get to see you till the fall. (He takes
COLIN’S hand and pulls him towards the garden.) Come on...

(They walk off together left, just before an exhausted TRIP stumbles on from the
driveway.)

JEAN
Gregory, you look terrible.

TRIP
Good morning to you too. I was up all night. And I’ve got to hit the road by noon to get back to
the city.

(CLAIRE and STEPHANIE come out of the house.)

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 CLAIRE
Trip darling! I’m so glad you’re back finally. We were all worried.

TRIP
I couldn’t find him anyplace; I think it’s time we called the state troopers.

STEPHANIE
Colin was with Bret, honey. They got back a couple hours ago.

TRIP
What?? Are you shittin’ me? You were supposed to call me if they--!

STEPHANIE
Did you forget to charge your phone?

TRIP
(Pulling the phone out of his pocket) My secretary does that every... (He looks at the screen.) Oh
fuck me to death.

STEPHANIE
It’s okay, Trip.

CLAIRE
There’s breakfast in the kitchen, honey.

(COLIN comes back on from left with BRET. BRET hangs back by the corner of the
house as COLIN steps down to face his family.)

COLIN
Mom, I’m sorry about missing your opening. I’ll come see the play tonight.

TRIP
(Overlapping) Well look who the cat dragged in. You had us worried sick! I’ve been up all night
looking--

CLAIRE
Boys, please don’t get started right now. You both need rest. Trip, come inside and lie down. I’ll
bring you something to eat.

TRIP
(Ignoring her and facing COLIN) I drove around the whole county three times searching for you.

COLIN
(He smiles ruefully.) You weren’t looking in the right place.

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 TRIP
Okay, so where did you guys go?

COLIN
We kind of drove around in circles for a while. And then... down to the city.

TRIP
All the way into Manhattan? And back?

(COLIN tries to reply but can’t, so BRET steps in to help.)

BRET
Queens, actually.

TRIP
(Beat) The cemetery.

COLIN
(Nods) I hadn’t been since the funeral

TRIP
Yeah, I figured. I go every week.

COLIN
I know. I saw the flowers.

TRIP
I didn’t know it was open in the middle of the night.

COLIN
I don’t think it is.

BRET
We climbed over a fence.

COLIN
(Beat) There were things I needed to talk about with Dad.

TRIP
Okay. (Beat) So... did you find that helpful?

COLIN
I don’t know. (He nods tentatively.) I think; a little bit.

TRIP
(He sits down at the picnic table.) We’ve got a lot to talk about, brother. Don’t we?

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 COLIN
Yeah we do. (He sits down opposite TRIP.) Family meeting?

CLAIRE
Oh please; it’s so early! I think what we all need is some time to--

JEAN
(Stepping down off the porch to join the men) I’ll start if you don’t mind.

TRIP
(Surprised) Grandmother?

JEAN
I just got off the phone with my lawyer in the city.

CLAIRE
Your lawyer? It’s barely eight o’clock!

JEAN
He and I have a special relationship. Anyway, we set some paperwork in motion. You may or
may not know that I changed my will a while back, leaving this house and farm to my grandson
Colin.

CLAIRE
No; I didn’t know that.

JEAN
Mm-hmm. Well, since my health has proven surprisingly tenacious, I decided to transfer the
deed into his name. As of today.

COLIN
Grandmother.

TRIP
And you did this why?

JEAN
Why wait till I’m dead to accomplish what I could get done today? Besides, I don’t think a
grown man should have to apply to his brother every time he needs rent money.

TRIP
Okay. (Confused) But it’s up to you if you want to let him live here. Why transfer ownership?

JEAN
Because Colin may choose not to live here. (She looks at COLIN.) And I want him to have the
option of selling the place if he should happen to decide he needs the funds for something else.

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 CLAIRE
Like what?

TRIP
(Suddenly getting it) Like fighting Dad’s Will.

JEAN
Mm-hmm. (She sits down on the porch steps.)

TRIP
Jeez. (He shakes his head angrily but doesn’t say anything. Everybody looks at COLIN.)

COLIN
I’m not going to sell your house, Grandmother.

JEAN
There’s no need to make any decisions today.

COLIN
But where would you go?

JEAN
Wherever I want! Back to the city... Florida... Paris... possibly California? (Beat) I told my
lawyer to call HBO and say... “Maybe.” (Beat) On the condition they let me change the ending.

STEPHANIE
But you love this farm! You’re “rooted” here; isn’t that how you put it?

JEAN
“Roots,” my dear, are of no use unless they’re feeding something up top. (With a look at COLIN)
Something that’s still growing.

COLIN
There’s no way I’d sell this house. I’m honored that you trust me with it. But it’s part of who we
are; it’s part of the legacy of this family, our history! That has to be respected.

TRIP
Exactly the point I’ve been trying to make! Right, Colin??

COLIN
Oh, that’s not fair. It’s not the same thing.

TRIP
Oh isn’t it?

105
 COLIN
No! I’ll find a way to fight the Will on my own. (Beat) Or... we could still try to figure out how
to work together.

(Pause. TRIP doesn’t say anything.)

STEPHANIE
Sounds like you boys have a lot to talk about.

TRIP
(He sighs) Yes we do. (COLIN nods.) I’ll start. Colin... There’s something I’ve got to--

COLIN
Let me go first, please. (He takes a deep breath.) I realize I still need help. I’m going to go back
to the Center. Voluntarily, as soon as possible.

TRIP
(Nods) That’s good. I can send a car and a driver tomorrow morning to pick you up.

COLIN
No need. Bret’s offered to drive me.

TRIP
I’m not so sure that’s--

STEPHANIE
(Warningly) Trip.

TRIP
(Nods slowly) Alright then. (Beat) Okay; now it’s my turn.

COLIN
I’m listening.

TRIP
(Not looking at him at first) Colin, I owe you an apology. It’s been a long time coming.

COLIN
(Unsure what he’s talking about) Okay...

(STEPHANIE lays an encouraging hand on TRIP’s shoulder.)

TRIP
It’s about... that old rabbit. “Benjamin,” right? (Pause) I’m very sorry. About... that.

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 COLIN
(Looks away; shakes his head) Hey, we were kids.

TRIP
No. I was old enough that I should have known better. I could have said something. (Beat; a
substantial realization) I should have stood up to Dad.

(COLIN looks up and makes eye contact with his brother.)

JEAN
Well well. Mm-hmm. (She nods her head approvingly.) That’s a start. I’d say that’s definitely a
start.

END OF PLAY

107