RIC HA RD VANDE RMARC K .

A N OV E L .

By M R S . SID N EY S . H AR R IS ,

AUTHO R OF “
R UTLE DGE ,
”
S T PHILLIPS
.
,

E '
ro .
, E TC .

NE W Y OR K

C H A RL E S S C RI B NE R 85 C OM PA NY .

1 87 1 .
E n t ere dacc rdi g t A t f C g r s i t h y r 1 871 by
o n o c o on es , n e ea ,

C H AR LE S S C R I B NE R 6 0 0 : ,

I n t he O ffice f t h Lib rar ia

o ef C g t W a hi gt
n o on ress , a . s n on

J OS E PH J . LITTLE ,

E Ln C rROTY PE R,
'
S TE RE OTY P E R , A ND PR I NTE R ,
N E W YORK .
 C O N TE N T S .

C HA PTE R I .

C HA P TE R II .

V E R Y G O OD LU C K

C HA PTE R III .

C HA PTE R IV .

M Y C OM P AN I ON S
C HA PTE R V .

THE TU TOR

C HA PTE R VI .

C HA PT E R V II .

TH R E E WE E K S TO O L A TE

C HA P TE R V II I .

C HA PTE R I! .

C HA PTE R !

C HA P TE R !I .

S OPHI E
’
S WORK
C HA P TE R ! II .

PRE M ON I TU S , PR E M UNI TUS

6 CONTE NTS .

C HA PTE R XIII .

TH E WOR LD G OE S ON THE S AM E

C HA PTE R ! IV .

C HA PTE R !V .

I S HA LL HAV E S E E N H IM

C HA PTE R !VI .

A UG US T TH I RTIE TH

C HA PTE R XV II .

BE S ID E H IM ON C E A G AIN .

C HA PT E R XV I II .

C HA PTE R ! I! .

C HA PTE R XX .

C HA PTE R !!I .

A PRE S PE R D RE PE R I)
,
ON BIE N

C HA PTE R XXII .

A G RE AT D E A L TOO S OON

C HA P TE R XXI II .

C HA PTE R XXIV .

C HA PTE R !!V .

B I E N PE R n U, B IE N C ONN U

C HA P TE R XXV I .

A D IN NE R
 R I C H A RD V A N D E RM A R C K .

C HAP TE R I .

V AR I C K S T R EET .

0 fo r one S p o t Of l ivi g g en n re ,

On e l i t t l e s p o t wh e r l ve s c e ea an gro w ,

TO l ove un b l a m e d ,
to w a l k un s e e n ,

TO dre am a b o ve , t o sl e e p b e l o w !
H o hnes .

Th ere a re in th i s l o u d stunn in g t i de ,

Of h um an c a re a n d c ri m e ,

Wi th wh o m t h e m e lo di e s a bi de
Of t h e ve rl a s t in g ch i m e ;
’

916 916 9K

A nd to wi s e h e a rt s t h i s ce rta in ho p e is give n ;

N O t t
m is t h a m a n m a y ra i se , s h a ll h i de t h e e ye o f

I N E vE R kn e w exactly how t he invitation cam e; I

felt very much honore d by it though I thi n k now, ,

very like ly the honor w a s felt to be upon the other

side I was exc e edingly you ng and e x cee din gly
.
,

ignorant n o t s e v e n teen and an orphan living in the

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8 RI CH A R D VA N DE R M A R GK ’
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house of an uncle an unmarried man o f nearly seventy

, ,

wholly absorbed in business and not much more in ,

t e re s t e d in me than in his clerks and servants .

I had come under his protection a little girl o f t w o ,

years o ld and had been in his house ever since I

,
.

had had as good care as a very ordinary class o f se rv

ants c o uld give me and was supplied with s o me o n e
,
’

to teach me and ha d as much money to spend as was

,

good for me—p e rhaps more ; and I do n o t feel in

clin e d to sa y my uncle did not do his duty for I do ,

not think he knew o f anything further to do and

strictly Speaking I had no claim o n him for I was
, ,

only a great niece and there were those living who

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,

were more nearly related to me and wh o were ,

'

abundantly able to provide for me if they had been ,

willing to do it .

When I came in to the household its wants were ,

attended to by a cook and a man se rvant who had -

,

lived many years with my uncle A third person was .

employed a s my nurse and a great deal O f quarrelling

,

was the result o f her co m ing I quite wonder my .

uncle did not put me away at board somewhere ,

rather than be disturbed But in tr uth I d o not .

,

believe that the qu arrelli ng d isturbed hi m much o r ,

that he paid much att e ntion to the m a tter and S O the ,

matter s ettled itself My nurses were changed very

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 R I CH A R D VA ND E RM A R OK 9

O ften , by will o f the cook and O ld Peter, and I never

was happy enough to h ave o n e who had very high
principle o r w a s more than ordinarily g ood tempered
,
-
.

I don t know who selected my teachers ; probably

’

they applied for employment and were recei ved They .

were very business like and unsuggestive people I

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.

was o f no more interest to them than a bale o f goods ,

I believe Indeed I seemed likely to go a bale O f

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,

goods through life ; everything that was done for me

was done for money and with a view to t he benefit o f
,

the person serving me I was not sent t o school which

.
,

was a very gre a t pity ; it was owing to the fact no ,

doubt that somebody appli ed to my un cle to teach

,

me at home a n d s o the system was inaugurated and

, ,

never r eceived a second thought and I w e nt o n being ,

taugh t at home till I was seventeen .

”
The home was as follows ; a large d ark house O n
the unsunny side o f a dull stree t fu rniture that had
n o t been chang : fo r forty years walls that were
e
,

seldo m repainted windows that were rarely opened

, .

The neighborhood ha d been for many years u n fa sh

io n a ble and undesirable and by the time I was grown , ,

up nobody would have li ved in it who had cared to

, ,

have a cheerful home I might almost have said a , ,

respectable o n e I fancy ours w a s nearly the only

.

house in the block occupied by its own er ; the Others ,

*
1
10 RI OHA RD VA ND E RM A R C K ’
.

equ ally large were rented for tenement hous e s o r

, ,

boardi ng ho u ses and perhaps for many t hi ngs worse

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,
.

It w a s probably owin g to this fact that my uncle ,

gave orders once for all , I w a s never to go into the

,

street alone ; and I believe in my whole life I had , ,

never taken a walk unaccompani e d by a servant o r ,

o n e O f my teache rs .

A very dull life indeed I wonder how I endured .

it The rooms were so di smal the windows S O u n

.
,

eventful If it had not been for a room in the garret

.

where I had my playthin gs and where the s u n came ,

all day long I am sure I should have been a much

,

wo rse and more unhappy child As I grew O lder I .

,

tried to adorn my room (my o wn respectable Sleeping

room I mean) w ith engravings , and the little orna
, ,

ments that I could buy But it was a hopeless a t .

tempt The walls were S O high and s o dingy, the

.

li ttle pictures were lost upon them ; and the vases o n

the great black mantel shelf looked s o insignifi cant I
-
,

felt ashamed O f them and own e d the u n fit n e s s O f

,

decorating such a room N O flowers would grow in .

those cold n orth window s —no bird would sin g in

sight O f such a street I gave it up with a sigh ; and
.

there was o n e good instinct lost .

Wh e n I was about eleven I fell foul O f some good ,

books If it had n o t been for them I truly do n o t

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 R I CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C II .
11

se e how I could have known that I was not to lie o r

steal and that God was to be worshi pped Certainly,
,
.

I had had my hands slapped many times for taking

thi ngs I had been forbidden to touch and had had ,

“
many a battle in consequence o f tellin g stories ,

with the servants o f the house but I had always ,

recogniz e d the personal spite o f the punishments , and

they had n o t carried with them any moral lesson .

I had sometimes gone to church ; bu t the sermons

in large city churches are n o t genera lly elementary ,

a n d I did not understand those that I heard at all .

Occasionally I went with the nurse to Vespers an d ,

that I thought delightful I was enraptured with the

.

pictures the music the rich clothes o f the priests ; if

, ,

it had n o t been for the bad O dor o f the neighboring

worshippers I think I might have rushed into the
,

bosom O f the Church O f Rome But that o ffended

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sense restrained me And S O as I said if I had n o t

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, ,

O btained access to some books O f holy and pure influ

ence and been starved by the dullness o f the li fe
,

around me into taking hold O f them with eagerness ,

I Should have led the life O f a little heathen in the

midst Of light Of course the books were not writt e n
.

for my especial case nor were they books fo r children

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—and so much was suppose d and not e xpressed and

, , ,

conse quently t he t ruth they im parted to me was but

12 RI CHA RD VA NDE RM A R OK
’
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fra gm e ntary But it was truth , a n d t he infl u e nce

.

w a s holy .

I was driven to books ; I d o n o t believe I had any

more desire than most v ivid palpitating fluttering
, ,

young thi ngs o f my s e x to pore over a dull black and

,

white page ; but thi s black and white gate O pened to

me golden fields o f happiness while I was perishing
,

o f hunger in a life O f dreary fact .

When I was about six teen however an outside, ,

human influence not written in black and white

, ,

came into the current o f my e xistence About that .

time my uncle took into his firm as j un ior partner a

, , ,

young man who had long been a clerk in the house .

After his promotion he O ften came home with my uncle

t o dinner . I think this was done perhaps w ith a view
, ,

o f civi l treatment o n the firs t occasion ; but after

,

ward it was continue d because my u n cle could not

,

bear to leave business when he left the O ffice and be ,

caus e he c o uld talk o n the matters which were dearer

to him than his dinner with thi s jun ior in whom h e
, ,

took unqualified delight He O ften wrote letters in

.

the evening whi ch my uncle dictated and he some

, ,

’
times did not go away till eleven O clock at n ight .

The fir st time he came I d id not n o tice him very

,

much It w a s not unusual for Uncle Leonard to be

.

acco m p a nie d by som e ge ntlemanwho ta lk e d bu

 RI CHA R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
13

with him during dinner ; and being naturally shy ,

and moreover o n this occasion in the middle of a

, ,

very interestin g bo o k at once timid and in d iffe r

,

ent I slipped away from the table the moment that

,

I could B ut upon the third o r fourth occasion o f

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his being there I became interested finding often a

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pair of hands o me eyes fixed on me and being occa ,

s io n a lly addressed and made a partner in the conver

sation Uncle Le o nard very rarely talked t o me and

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,

I think fo und me in the way whe n Richard Vander

marck made the talk extend to me .

But this was the beginning o f a very much im

proved era for me I lost my shyness and my fear o f
.
,

Uncle Leonard and indeed I thi nk my frantic thirst

, , ,

fo r books and becam e quite a young lady

,
We were .

great friends ; he brought me books he told me about ,

other people he opened a th o usand doors o f interest

,

and pleasure to me I never can enumerate all I

.

owed to him My dull life was changed, and the

.

h o use owed him gratitude .

We began to have the gas lighted in the parlor and ,

even Uncle Leonard came in there sometimes and s a t

after dinner before he went up into that d reary li brary
,

ab o ve I think he rather enjoyed hearing us talk

.

gayly acro ss his sombre board ; he certainly became

softer and more human toward me after Richard came
14 RI CH A R D VA N D E R M A R C K .

to be s o constantly a guest He gave me more money

.

to spend, (that was always the expression o f his feel

ings his language so to speak he made various
, ,

inquiries a n d improvements about the house The .

dinners themselves were improved for a horrible ,

monotony had crept into the soups and sauces o f forty

years ; and Uncle Leonard was no epicure he seemed
to have n o more stomach than he had heart ; brain
and pocket made the man .

I think unconsciously he was much influenced by

Richard whose business talent had charmed him , a n d
,

t o whom he looked for much that he k n ew he must

soon lose He was glad to make the house seem
.

pleasant to him and he was much gratified by his fre

,

quent coming And Richard was peculiarly a man

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to lik e and to lean u pon Not in any way brilliant

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,

and with no literary tastes, he was well educated

eno u gh and very well in formed a thorough business
,

man I think he was ordinarily reserved but o u r

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,

intercourse had been so unconventional that I did ,

not think him s o at all He was rather good looking

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tall and square shouldered with li ght brown hair and

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,
-

fine dark blue eyes ; he ha d a great many points o f

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advan tage .

One day, long after he had become almost a mem

ber o f t he household he told me he wanted me to
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 RI CH A R D VA NDE RM A R CK .
15

know his sister and that she would come the next
,

day to se e me if I would like it I did like it and

,
.
,

waited for her with impatience He had told me a .

great d eal about her a n d I was full o f curi osi ty to se e

,

her She was a little older than Richard and the only
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,

sister ; very pretty and quite a person o f consequence

,

in society She had made an unfortunate marriage

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,

thou gh o f that Richard said very little to me ; but

with better luck than attends most unfortunately mar -

ried women she was released by her husband s early

,
’

death and was free to be happy again with some

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pretty boys a moderate fortune and two brothers to

, ,

look aft er her investments and do her little errands

,

fo r her .She considered herself fortunate and was a

widow o f rare discretion in that she was wedded to
,

her unexpected independence and never intended to ,

be wedded to anyt hing o r anybody else She was .

naturally cool and calculatin g and w a s in no danger ,

l

o f being betrayed by her feelings into any oth er

co m e o f life than the o n e she had marked o u t as

most exp e di ent If she was worldly she was also use
.
,

ful intelligent and popular and a paragon in her

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’
brother s partial eye s .
 C HAPT E R II .

V ER Y GOOD LU CK .

M i e ux va u t un e o n c e de fo rt un e qu
’
un e li vre de sa ge ss e .

A last (on the da y o n which Richard had a d ve r

T

t is e d me she was coming ) the door was opened and , ,

some o n e was taken to the parlor Then old Peter .

rang a bell which stood o n the hall table and called ,

o u t to Ann C o ddle (once my nurse n o w the seam ,

stress chambermaid and general lightener of hi s

, ,

toils) to tell Mi ss Pauline a lady wanted her

,
.

This he ll was to save hi s o ld bones ; he never went

u
p
-
stairs and he resented
,
every visitor as an inn o va

ti o n They were so few his temper was not m uch

.
,

t ried I was leaning over the stairs when the bell

.

rang and di d not need a second message Ann who

,
.
,

c o ntinued t o feel a care for my personal appearance ,

followed me to the landing place and gave my sash -

a last pull .

When I found myself in the parlor I began to ex

p e rie n ce a little em barrassment Mrs H olle n beck . .

was s o pretty and her dress was s o dainty the dingy , ,

s t ifl old parlor filled me with dismay Fo rtunately

'

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, ,

I did not think much o f myself or my o w n dress .

 RICH A R D VA N DE RM A R C K .
17

But after a little she put me at ease that is drew me

, , ,

o u t and made me feel like talking to her .

I admired her very much but I did not feel any O f ,

‘

the affection and quick cordiality with which Richard

had inspired me I co uld tell that she was cur i o us
.

about me and was watching me attentively and

, ,

though she w a s so charming that I felt flattered by

her interest I w a s n o t pleased when I remembered
,

my interview with her .

”
Y o u are n o t at a ll like your brother I said , ,

glancing in her face with frankness .

“
N o ? she said smilingly and looking attentively
”
,

at me with an e xpression which I di d not understand .

A n d then she drew me o n to speak o f all his fea

tures which I did with the utmos t candor showing
, ,

great knowledge o f the subject .

“ ”
And you she said yo u do n o t look at all as I
, ,

supposed :Y o u n —
are o t nearly so youn g Richard
told me yo u were quite a child I was not prepared .

for thi s grace ; this young ladyhood cette taille de

palmier ,
she added with a little sweep o f the hand
,
.

Somehow I was not pleased to feel that Richard

had talked o f me to her though I liked it that he had
,

talke d of her to me No d oubt sh e sa w it fo r I was

.
,

“
lamentably transparent Do you lead a quiet life ,

”
o r have yo u many fri e n d s 2 she said as if She did n o t ,
18 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C H .

k n ow e x actly the kind o f life I led a n d as if she had ,

not come fo r the express purpose o f helping me o u t

o f it at the instance o f her kindly brother
,
Then O f .
,

co ur se I told her all about my dull days and She

, ,

pitied me and said lightly it must n o t be and I must

, ,

s e e more o f the world and she for her part , must

, ,

know me better etc etc A n d then she went away

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.
,
. .

In a few days I went with Ann Coddle in a car

, ,

ria e to return the visit The house was small but

g ,
.
,

in a beautiful bright street and the o n e window

, ,

n ear the door was full o f ferns and ivies I did not .

get in whi ch was a di sappoin t ment to me particularly

, ,

a s I had no printed card and realiz ed keenly all the ,

igno m iny o f leavin g o n e in writing Thi s was in .

April a n d I saw no more o f my new friend Richard

,
.

was away on some business o f the firm and the days

, ,

were very dull indeed .

I n May he came back and resumed the dinners , and ,

the evenings in the parlor though not quite with the ,

—
frequency o f the past winter a n d I thi nk there w a s ,

the least Shade o f constraint in hi s mann er It w as .

o n o n e o f these May days that he came and took me

to the Park It was a great occa sion ; I had never

.

"

been s o happy before in my life I was in great .

doubt about taking Ann Coddle ; never havi ng been

o u t o f the hous e W ithout a p e rson o f that d es cription
 RI CHA RD VA N D E RM A R C K .
19

in attendance before But Ann got a suspicion of

.

—
my doubt and settled it to g o o f course I think
,
.

Richard was rather chagrined when she followed us

o u t to get into the carriage ; She was s o drie d u p and -

shrewish looking and wore such an Irish bonnet

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, .

But she preserved a discreet S ilence and looked stead ,

fastly o u t o f the carriage window so we soon fo rg e t

,

that she w a s there though sh e was directly opposite

,

to us It was Sat u rday ; the day was fresh and lovely

.
,

and there were crowds o f people driving in the Park .

Once we left the carriage with Ann Coddle in it and ,

went to hear the m usic It was while we were sit

.

ting for a few mom ents un der the vines to listen to it ,

and watch the gay groups O f people around us that a ,

carriage passed within a do z e n feet and a lady leane d

,

o u t and bowed with smiles .

“ — ”
Why, s e e it is your sister ! I exclaimed with ,

the vivacity o f a person o f a very li m ited acquaint

ance .

Ah , he sai d and raise d his hat carelessly But I

”
,
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s a w he was n o t pleased ; he push ed the end o f hi s

moustache into his mouth and bit it as he always did

, ,

when o u t o f humor a n d very soon proposed we

'

shoul d go back and find the carriage It was not .

lon g howe ver befo re he recovered from this a nnoy

, ,

an c e a s he ha d from t he un e xp e ct e d pleasure o f An n s
,
’
20 RICHA R D VA NDE RM A R C K .

company a n d I am sure was as sorry as I when it

, ,

was time to go home to di nner .

He stayed and dined with u s ; another gentleman

had come home with my uncle who talked well and ,

amused u s very much I was excited and in high

.

spirits ; altogether it was a very happy d a y

,
.

It was more than a week after this that the invit a ,

r

tion came which turned the world upside d o wn at

once and made me m o st extravagantly happy It .

was from Mrs Hollenbeck and I was asked to spend

.
,

part o f June and all o f July and August, with them

at B
At R was their old family home a place o f ,

very little pretension but t o which they were much

,

attached When the father d ied five years b efore the

.
, ,

t w o sons had bought the place o r rather had taken it ,

as their share turning over the more productive pro

,

perty to their sister .

They had been very reluctant to close the house ,

and it was decided that S Ophie should go there every

summer and take her servants from the city ; the
,

expenses o f the place being borne by the two young

men They were very well able to do it as both
.
,

were successful in business and keeping open the ,

o ld home with no di m
,
inution o f the hospitality o f
their father s time was perhaps the greatest pleas ure
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 RICHA R D VA NDE RM A R C H .
21

that they had It was an arrangement which suited

.

Sophie admirably It gave her the opportunity to

.

entertain pleasantly and informally ; it was a capital

sum mer home for her two boys it was in the centre
-

o f an agreeable neighborh o od and above all it gave ,

her yearly exhausted purse time to recuperate and

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’
swell again before the winter s drain Of course she .

loved the place too but not with the simple affection
, ,

that her two brothers d id The young men invited .

their friends there without restriction as was to be ,

supposed ; and Sophie was a gay and agreeable host

ess N0 o n e could have made the house pleasanter
.

than sh e did ; and she left nothing undone to gratify

her brothers tastes and wishes like a wise and pru
’
,

dent woman as she was .

I d id n o t know all this then o r my invi t ation ,

might not have overwhelmed me with such gratitude

to her I reproache d myself for not having loved her
.

the first time I sa w her .

Three m onths ! Three happy months in the coun

try ! I could hardly believe it possible such a thing
had happened to me I took the note to my uncle
.

without much fear o f hi s opposition for he rarely o p , ,

posed anything that I had the courage to ask him ex .

cept going in the street alone (I believe my mother .

had made a run away match and I think he ba d faith ,

 2 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A RC K .

in inherit e d traits ; his o n e resolution re ga rdin g me

must have been n o t to give me a cha nce ) He read
, .

the note carefully and then looked me over with

,

more interest than us ual and told me I might g o , .

Afterward he gave me a roll o f bills and told me to ,

come t o him for more money, if I needed it .

I was m uch e x cit e d about m y clothes I co uld n o t .

thi nk that anythi ng was good enough to go to R

and I am afra id I sp e nt a good deal o f my uncle s ’

money Ann Coddle and the cook thought that my

.

d resses were magnificent and o ld Peter groaned over ,

the coming o f the packages I had indeed a wardrobe .

fit for a young princess and in very good taste besides

, ,

because I was bor n with that An inh eritance no .

,

doubt And my uncle never complained at all about the

.

bills I seemed to have become in some way a per

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, ,
~

s o n o f considerable importa nce I n the house A nn .

Coddle n o more fretted at me but wait e d on me with ,

alacrity The cook ceased to b ully me and o n the

.
,

contrary flattered me ou t rageously I remembered

,
.

the long years o f bullyi n g and put no faith in he r ,

assurances I did not know exactly why thi s chan ge

.

ha d happened but supposed it might be the result o f

,

having become a young lady, a n d being invi t e d to pay

visits .
 C HAPTE R III .

K I L IAN .

Yo u a re we ll m a d e h ave co m m o n
-
s en se ,

A n d do n o t wa n t fo r i m p u d e n ce .

To n to bu en she sa t m en te .

Un t ro u o e to ujo u rs u n p lu s
' '
’
so t so t qu z la d m zre .

TH E packages finally c e as e d coming and the sti ff

o ld bell from being pulled but o nly half an hour be
fore the carriage drove to the door that was to take
me to the boat Ann Coddle was flying up and down
.

the stairs, and cal ling m essages over to Peter in a

shrill voice She was not designed by nature for a
.

lady s maid , and was a very disagreeable person t o

’

’
have about one s room She made me even more .

nervous than I should otherwise have been I had .

never packed a trunk before o r had o n e packed and , ,

might have thought it a very simple piece o f business

if Ann had not made such a mountain of it packing
every tray half a dozen times over and going down ,

stairs three times about e v e ry articl e that wa s to com e

up from the laundry .
24 RICHA RD VA NDE RM A R OK .

Happily she was n o t to go with me any farther

than the boat Richard was away again o n business
.

-
had been gone indeed since the day after we ha d
, ,

driven in the Park : s o I was to be put o n board the

boat and left in charge o f Kilian his younger brother
, , ,

who had called at my uncle s o ffice and m a d e the ’

,

arrangement with him I had never seen Kilian and

.
,

the meeting filled me with apprehension ; my uncle ,

however sent up o n e O f his clerks in the ca rriage to

,

take me to the boat and put me in charge o f this yo ung

,

gentleman Thi s considerate acti o n o n the part o f

.

my uncle seemed to fill up the measur e o f my surp ri ses .

When we reached the boat the clerk a respectful , ,

you t h conducted me to the upper deck and then left

, ,

me with Ann while he went down about the baggage

,
.

With all o ur precautions we were rather late for the

, ,

last bell was ringing ; Ann w a s in a v e r o f impatience ,

and I was quite uncertain what t o do the Clerk n o t ,

having returned and Mr Kilian V a n d e rm a rck not

,
.

having yet appeared A n n w a s so dis agreeable and

.
,

s o disturbi n g to all thinking that I had more than ,

once to tell her to be quiet Matters seemed to have .

reached a crisis The man at the gangway was shout

.

ing all aboard ; the whistle was blowing ; the bell

“ ”

w as ringing ; Ann was whimpering ; when a belat ed

l o okin g young man with a book and paper under his
 RICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C H .
5

arm came up the stairs h urrie dly and looked around

with anxiety A S soon a s his eye fell o n us he
.
,

looke d relieved and walked directly up t o me and

, ,

called me by name interrogatively ,

.

O ye s I said eagerly but d o get thi s woman

”
, ,

”
o ff the boat o r we ll have t o take her with us Oh
’
,
.

” “ ”
no danger he said plenty o f time and he took her
, , ,

t o ward the stairs at the head o f which she was met

,

by the clerk w ho touched his hat to me handed the

, ,

checks to Mr V a n d e rm a rck then hurried o ff with Ann

.
,
.

Mr V a n d e rm a rck returned to me but I was so e n

.
,

grossed l o oking over the side o f the boat and watching

for Ann a n d the clerk that I took n o notice of him
,
.

At last I saw A n n scramble on the wharf j ust be ,

fore the plank was drawn in ; wrt h a sigh o f relief I

turned away .

”
I want to apol o giz e fo r being so late he said ,
.

” “
Why it is not any m a tter I answered only I
, , ,

had not the least id ea what to do .

You are n o t used to travelling alone then I , ,

”
suppose 2
Oh no nor to travelling any way for the matter
, ,

o f that I added to myself ; but n o t aloud for I had

, ,

a great fear that it should be known how very limited

my experience wa s .

You must let me take your shawl and bag and we

"

2
26 RI CH A R D VA N DE RM A R C K .

will go a n d get a comfortable seat he sa id in a few ,

”

moments We went forward and found comfort able

.

chairs un d er an awning and where there was a fine ,

breeze It was a warm afternoon and the change

.
,

from the heated and glaring wharf was deligh t ful .

Mr V a n d e rm a rck threw himself back in his ch air with

.

an exp ressi o n o f reli ef and took o ff his straw hat

,
.

“
If yo u had been in Wall street since ten O clock -
’

'

this m o rn in g yo u would be prepared to enj oy this

”
sail he said
,
.

“
Is Wall stree t s o very much more disagreeable
-

t han other places ? I think my uncle regrets every

”
moment that he spends away from it .

“
Ah yes Mr Greer may ; he has a good de al to
,
. .

make him like it ; if I mad e as much money as he

d oes every day there I think it s possible I might lik e
’
,

it too But it is a di fferent matter with a p o or devil

.

like me : if I get o ff without bein g cheated o u t o f a ll

I ve got it is as much as I ca n ask
’
,
.

“
Well perhaps when he was your age Uncle
, ,

”
Leonard did not ask more than that .

“
N o t he ; he began long befo re he was as o ld as I
,

am t o d o what I can never learn to do Miss d E st ré e

, ,
’

make m oney with o n e hand and save it with the

other N o w I m ashamed to say a great deal o f
.
,
’
,

money comes into my pockets but it never stays ,

 RI CH A R D VA NDE R M A R C R 27

there long enough to give me the feeling that I m a ’

rich man One gets into a way O f living that s

.
’

”
destruction to all chance s o f a fortune .

B u t what s the good o f a fortune if yo u d on t

“ ’ ’

enjoy it ? I said thinking of the dreary house in ,

Varick street
-
.

“ ” “ ’
N0 good he said ,
It i s n t in my nature t o be
’
satisfied with the knowledge that I ve got enough to
make me happy locked up somewhere in a safe : I
must get it o ut and strew it around in sight in the
,

shape o f h o rses pictures nice rooms and good things

, , ,

to eat before I can make up my mind that the money

,

is good for anything Now as to Richard he is just .

,

the other way : Old head o n young shoulders Old ,

pockets in young breeches (only there ar nt any hole s

’

in the m ) H e s a model o f pr u dence is my brother

.
’
,

Ri chard Q u i g a r d e so n d im er CZ a m i m e: d s e w er
.
, .

He ll be a rich man o n e o f these fine days I look to

’
.

him to keep me o u t of j ail Y o u know Richard .

very well I believe 2 he said turning a sudden look

, ,

o n me which wo uld have been very disconcerting to

,

an older person o r o n e more acquainted with the

,

world .

“ ”
O very well indeed I said with great simplicity
, ,
.

Y o u know he is such a favorite with my uncle and ,

”
he is a great deal at the house .
 RI CH A R D VA NDE R M A R CK .

Well he may be a favorite fo r he is built exactly‘

o n his model ; at seventy if I am not hung fo r debt ,

befo re I reach it I shall look to see him just a second

,

”
Mr Le o nard Greer
. .

I made a gesture o f dissent I don t think he is .

’

in the least like Uncle Leonard and I don t think he ’

”
cares at all fo r m o ney .

’
0 Miss Pa u line don t you believe hi m if he says
, ,

he d o esn t I m his y o unger br o ther wh o m he has

’
.
’
,

lectured and been hard o n fo r these twenty se ven -

years and I know m o re about it than anybody

,

”
else .

Why is Mr Richard V a n d e rm a rck twenty seven

,
.
-

”
years o ld 2 I said with much surprise .

Twenty nine his next birthday and I am

-
,

twenty seven Why did he pass himself Off for

-
.
,

younger ? That s an excellent thing against him ’

.

No he di d not pass himself o ff for anything in

the matter o f age It was only my idea ab o ut hi m . .

I thought he was n o t more than twenty five perhaps -

,

even younger than that But then I had nob o dy but .

Uncle Leonard t o compare him with and it isn t ,

’

”
strange that I didn t get quite right ’
.

It 729 something o f a step from Mr Greer to .

Richard I must s a y Mr Greer seems so much

,
. .

the oldes t man in the world and Richard— well Rich , ,

 RI CHA RD VA NDE RM A R CK .
29

ard isn t that but he is a good deal older than he

’
,

ought to be But do vo u tell me Miss Pauline you

.
, ,

ha v n t any younger fellows than Richard o n your

’

cards ? Do they keep you as quiet as all that in

V arick street -

I knew by intuition this was impertinence and no

doubt I looked an no yed and Mr V a n d e rm a rck has
,
.

tened to o bliterate the impressi o n by a very rapid

movement u pon the scenery the beauties o f the river , ,

and many things as novel .

The three hours o f o u r sail passed away pleasantly .

Mr V a n d e rm a rck did n o t move from his Seat ; did

.

n o t even read his paper though I gave him an O

, pp o r

”
t u n it y by t u rning over the leaves of my Littel o n
the o ccurrence o f every pause .

I felt that I knew him quite well befo re the journey

was over a n d I liked him exceedi n gly almost as well
, ,

as Richard He was rather handsomer than Richard

.
,

n ot s o tall but more vivacious and more a m u sin

,

much m o re s o I began to think Richard rath er

.

dull when I contrasted him with his brother .

When we rea che d the wharf Mr V a n d e rm a rck ,

.
,

aft er disp o si n g o f the baggage gave his arm t o me , ,

and to o k me t o an o pen wag o n which was waiting

'

fo r us . H e put me in the seat b e sid e him and took ,

the reins with a look of pleasure .

30 RI CH AR D VA N D E RM A R C K ’
.

These are Tom and Jerry Miss Pauline he , ,

”

“
said ab o ut the pleasantest members o f the family ;
,

at least they contribute more to my pl e asure than any

other me mbers of it I squandered about half my
.

inc o me o n them a year o r two ago and have n o t re ,

e n t e d yet ; though indeed repenta n ce isn t in my

’
p , ,

way I shall hope for the happiness o f givi n g yo u

.

many drives with them if I am permitted

, .

“
Nothi ng could make me happier I am sure ,
.

’
Richard hasn t any horses tho u gh he ca n afford ,

it much better than I can He does hi s drivi n g when

.
,

he is here with the carriage h o rses that we keep for

,
-

Sophi e — a dull o ld pair o f brutes He di sapproves .

very much o f To m and Jerry ; but you s e e it would

never do to have two such wise heads in o n e family .

“
It would destroy the balance o f power in the ‘

n eighborhood .

“
Decidedly ; as it is we are a firs t class power
,
-
,

’
owing to Sophie s cleverness and Richard s prudence ;
’

my prodigality is just needed to keep us from O ver

running the county and proclaim n an empire at the
next to wn me eting H o w do you like Sophie Miss
.
,

d E s t ré e ? I know you haven t seen much o f her

’ ’

but what you have ? Isn t she clever and isn t she a
’
,
’

”
pretty woman to be nearly thirty five 2 -

I w a s feeling very grateful for m y invitation and ,

 R I CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C E .
31

so I said a great deal of my ad m iration for his

sister .

“ ”
E verybody likes her he said complacently ,
I ,
.

don t k n ow a more pop ular person anywhere She is

’
.

the life O f the neighborhood ; people come to her for

everything if they want to get a n e w d oor—
,
mat fo r
the school hous e or if they want a new m a n n o m in a t
-
,

’
ed fo r the legislature I think she s awfully bored
.
,

sometimes b ut She keeps it to herself But though

,
.

the summer is her rest she always does enough t o ,

tire o u t anybody el s e Now for instance she is going

.
, ,

to have three young ladies with her fo r the next two

m onths (besides yours elf Miss d E s t ré e ) whom sh e
’
, ,

will have t o be amusing all the time and some friends ,

o f mine who will turn the house inside o u t But .

”
Sophi e ne ver grumbles .

“ ”
Tell me about them all I said consuming w ith , ,

a fever o f curiosity .

“
O I forgot yo u d id n o t know them
,
Shall I .

begin with the yo u ng ladies 2— (Sam there s a ,

’

stone in Jerry s o ff fo re foot get down and look

’ -

— a d l—
about it S t e y there I kne w ) Excuse m e
it — , ,

’ —
Miss d E s t ré e Well the young ladies There s
.
,
.
’

o n e o f o u r cousins a grand handsome sombre esti

, , , ,

mable girl whom nobody ever flirts with bu t whom

, ,

’
somebody will marry That s Henrietta Palmer
. .
30 RICH A RD VA N E RM A RCK D .

These are Tom and Jerry Miss Pauline he , ,

”

“
said ab o ut the pleasantest members o f the fam ily ;
,

at least they c o ntribute m o re to my pleasure than any

other members o f it I squandered about half my
.

income on them a year o r two ago and have n o t re ,

p e n t e d yet ; though indeed repentance isn t in my

,
’
,

way I Shall hope for the happiness o f givi n g you

.

many drives with them if I am permitted , .

“
N o thing could make me happier I am sure ,
.

’
Richard hasn t any horses tho u gh he can affo rd ,

it much better than I can He does his driving when.

,

he is here with the carriage h o rses that we keep fo r

,
-

—
Sophie a dull o ld pair of brutes He disapproves .

very much o f To m and Jerry ; but yo u se e it would

never do to have two such wi se heads in o n e family .

“
It would destroy the balance o f po wer in the ‘

n eighborhood .

“
Decidedly ; as it is we are a first class power
,
-
,

’
owing to Sophie s cleverness and Richard s prudence ;
’

my prodigali ty is just needed to keep u s from O ver

running the county and proclaiming an empire at the
next town meeting H o w do you li ke Sophie Miss
.
,

d E st ré e ? I kn o w yo u haven t seen much o f her

’ ’
'

but what yo u have ? Isn t she clever and isn t S he a

’
,
’

”
pretty woman to be nearly thirty five Q -

I w a s feeling very grateful for my invitati o n and ,

 RI CH A RD VA NDE RM A R C K .
31

so I said a great deal o f my ad m iration for his

sister .

“ ”
E verybody likes her he said complacently ,
I .

d o n t k n ow a more popular person anywhere She is

’
.

the life of the neighborhood ; people come to her for

everything if they want to get a n e w door mat for
,
-

the sch o ol ho us e o r if they want a new man n o m in a t

-
,

ed for the legislature I think she s awfully bored

.
’
,

sometimes b ut she keeps it to herself But though

,
.

the summer is her res t she always does enough to ,

tire o u t anybody else Now for instance she is goi n g

.
, ,

to have three young ladies with her for the next two
m onths (besides yourself Miss d E s t ré e ) whom she
’
, ,

will have t o be amusing all the time and some friends ,

o f mine who will turn the house inside o u t But .

”
S Ophie ne ver grumbles .

”
Tell me about the m all I said consuming with , ,

a fever Of curiosity .

“
O I forgot you d id not know the m
,
Shall I .

begin with the young ladies (Sam ther s a ’

e ,

stone in Jerry s o ff fore foot ; get down and look

’ -

— l—
about it Steady there I knew ) E xcuse me it —
, ,

Mi ss d E s t rée’ —
Well the young ladies There s
.
,
.
’

o n e o f o u r cousins a grand handsome sombre esti

, , , ,

mable girl whom nobody ever flirts with but whom

, ,

’
somebody will marry That s Henrietta Palmer
. .
34 RI CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K

were hideous I should not have been afraid o f young

.

o r o ld men ,
nor o f old women ; but they were j ust
my age just my class just my equals or ought to
, , ,

have been if I had had any other fate than Uncle

,

Leonard and Varick street H ow they would criticize

-
.

me ! How soon t hey would find o u t I ha d ne ver

been anywhere before ! I wished fo r Richard then
with all my heart Kilian had already deserted me
.
,

and w a s talking to Miss Leighton who had come half ,

way down the steps to meet him and who only gave ,

me a glance and a very pretty smile and n o d when ,

Mrs Hollenbeck presented me to them Miss Benson

. .

and Miss Palmer each gave me a hand and looked ,

me O ver horribly ; and the tones o f their voices ,

when they spoke to me were so constrained and cold , ,

and so di fferent from the tones in which they a d

dressed each other I hated them . .

After a few moments o f wr e tchedness Sophie pro ,

po sed to take me to my room We went up the stairs .

,

whi ch were steep and O ld fashioned with a landing -

,

place almost like a little room My room was in a .

wing o f the house over the di ning room and the win
,
-
,

dows looked out o n the river It was not large but .

,

w a s very p retty The w indows were curtained and

.
,

the bed was dainty and the little mantel was draped
, ,

and the ornaments and pictures were quaint and de

li g h t f ul t o my t a ste .
 R I CH A R D VA ND RRM A R C R 35

S Ophie laid the shawls sh e had been carrying up for

m e upon the bed and said she h o ped I would find
,

everything I needed and would try to feel entirely at

,

home and n o t hesitate to ask for anything that would

,

make me comforta ble .

Nothing could be kinder but my a ffecti o n and,

gratitude were fast dying o u t and I w as quite sure o f

,

o n e thing namely that I never should love S o phie if

, ,

sh e spent her life in inviting me t o pay her visits She .

told me that tea w o uld be ready in half an hour and ,

then left m e I s a t down o n the bed when She was

.

gone and wished myself back in Varick street ; and

,
-

the n cried to think that I sh o uld be homesick for such

,

a dreary home But the appetites and affections com

.

m o n to humanity had not been left o u t of my heart ,

though I had been beggared all my life in regard to

most o f them I could have loved a mother so — a
. .

—
sister I co uld have had such happy feelings fo r a
place that I could have felt was home What matter .
,
”

if I co uld not even remem ber the sm ile o n my

mother s lips what matter if no brother o r sister
’
,

had ever been born to me if no house had ever been

my rightful home ? I w as hungry for them all the
same And these first glimpses o f the happy lives
.

o f others seeme d to d i sa ffect me more than ever with

my own .
 C HAPT E R I V .

M Y C OM P AN I ON S .

V o us et e s b e ll e i i d o n c la
a ns m o itié

Du g e n re h um a in s era vo t re e nn e m ei .

O h, I t hi k
n t h e c a use

Of m u c hw a s, the yf g or o t n o c ro wd
M a k e s up fo r p a re n t s in t hi he r s ro u d .

TH E servant came to call me down to tea while I

was still Sitting with my face in my hands upon the
bed I started up lit the candles o n the dressing
.
,

table arranged my hair washed the tears o ff my face

, , ,

and hurried down the stairs They were waiting fo r .

me in the parl o r and no doub t were qui te impatient

, ,

as they had already waited fo r the arrival o f the even

’
ing train and it was nearly eight o cl o ck The even
,
.

ing train had brought Mr Eugene Whi tney O f whom .

,

I can o nly sa y that he was a very insign i ficant y o un g

,

man indeed We all m oved into the di ning ro om ;

.
-

the others to o k the seats they were accustomed to .

Mr Whi tney and I being the only new comers were

.
,
-
,
 RI C H A RD VA ND E R I IIA R C K
’
.

advised which seats bel o nged to us by a trim young

maid servant and I for one was very glad to get into
-
, , ,

mine Mr Whitney was my neighbor o n o n e han d

. .
,

the youngest o f the Hollenbeck boys on the other .

These were o u r seats

Kilian
Miss Lei g hton Miss Henrietta Palmer
Miss Benson Mr Eugen e Whitney
,
.
,

Tutor Myself ,

B o y, B o y,
Mrs Ho llenbeck . .

The seat opposite me was not filled when we sa t

d own .

Where is Mr Langenau Charley . said his ,

mother .

“
I m sure I don t know mamma said Charley
’ ’
, , ,

applying himself to marmalade .

’
Charley doesn t see much of his tutor o u t o f hours ,

”
I think said Miss Benson
,
.

A g o o d deal t o o much O f him in em murmured ’

,

Charley between a spoonful o f marmalade and a drink

,

of milk .

’ ”
Benny s the boy that loves his book said Kilian ; ,

’ ”
he s the joy o f his tuto r s heart I kn o w at which ’
, ,

there was a general laugh and Benny the yo u n ger , , ,

looked up with a merry smile .

 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

The Hollenbeck boys were not fond Of study They .

were healthy and pretty ; quite the reverse o f intel

lectual ; very fair and rosy, with o u t much resem
blance to their mo t her o r her brothers It was .

evi dent the acquisition o f knowle d ge was fa r fro m

being the principal pursuit o f their lives and the ,

tutor w a s looked upon a s the n atural enemy o f C har

ley at the least
,
.

’
I d o n t se e what yo u ever g o t hi m fo r mamma , ,

“
said Charley . I d study j ust as much without
’

him .

“
And that wo uldn t be ple d ging yourself to very
’

”
much would it Charley dear i
, ,

“
Wish he was back in Germany with his ugly
”
books cried Charley
,
.

— —
But hush there was a sud d en lull as the tutor ,

entered and took his place by Charley He was a .

well made m a n e vid e n t ly about thirty He was so

-
,
.
.

decidedly a gentleman in manners and appearance

, ,

that even these spoiled boys treated him respectfully ,

and the young ladies and gentlemen at the table were

more stiff than o ffensive in their manner But he .

was so evidently not one o f them !

It is very d isa greeable to be among people who
know each other very well even if they try to kno w
,

u very well and admit you to their friendshi p But

y o .
 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K 39

I had no assu rance that any o n e was trying to do this

for m e and I am afraid I showed very little inclin a
,

tio n to be admitted t o their friendship I c o uld not .

talk and I did not want to be talked to I was e ven

,
.

afraid o f the little boys and thought all the time that
,

Charley was watching me and making Signs about me

to his brother when in reali ty he was only telegraph
,

in g about the marmalade .

In the meantime without any attention to my feel

,

i n gs the business o f the tea table proceeded Mrs

,
-
. .

Hollenbeck poured out tea and kept the little b o ys ,

under a moderate control Kilian cut up some birds

.

before him and tried to persuade the young ladies to

,

e a t some but nobody had appetite enough but Mr

,
.

Whitney and himself Charlotte Benson who w a s

.
,

clever and e fli cie n t and exceedingly at home cut up a ,

cake that was befo re her and gave the boys some ,

s trawberries and o ffered some to me

,
Miss Palmer .

simply looked very handsome and eat a biscuit o r ,

tw o and tried to talk to Mr Wh itney who seemed to

v

,
.
,

have a good appetite and very little conversation .

Miss Leighton gave herself up to attentions t o Kilian ;

sh e was saying S illy little things to him in a little low

tone all the time and o ffering him di fferent articles

,

before her and advising him what he o u ght to eat ; all

,

o f whi ch seeme d most interesting and important in

 R I CH A R D V A ND E R M A R CK .

dumb sh o w till yo u heard what it was all about and

-
,

then yo u felt ashamed of them At times I think .

, ,

Kilian felt s o mewhat ashamed t o o and tried to talk a ,

little t o the o thers ; but most o f the time he seemed to

like it very well and did n o t ask anythi ng better than
,

the excellent woodcock on his plate and the pretty ,

young woman by his side .

“
By the way said Sophie when the meal was
, ,

”
nearly over I had a letter fro m Richard t o day
,
-
.

“
Ah said Kilian with a momenta ry release from
,

”
hi s admirer .
“
And when is he coming home 2
I looked up with quick interest and met M rs Hol ,
.

le n b e ck s eyes which seemed to be always o n me

’
,
.

Then I turned mine down the table uncomfortably ,

and fo und Charlotte Bens o n lo o king at me too I di d .

not know what I had done to be looked at but wished ,

they would look at themselves and let me take my tea

(o r leave it alone in peace
) .

”
N o t fo r two weeks yet said his sister ; not fo r
,

”
two wh o le weeks .

“
H o w sorry I a m said Charlotte Benson
,
.

“
I think we are all sorry said Henrietta t he tran ,

’
Miss d E st rée confided t o me that she d be glad
’

”
to s e e him said Kilian cutti n g up another wo o d
, ,

cock and looking at his plate .

 RICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
41

”
Indeed I shall I said with a little Sigh n o t
, , ,

thinking so much about them as feeli n g most earnestly

what a di fferen ce his coming w o uld make and ho w ,

sure I should be o f having at least o n e friend when

he got here .

“
He seems to be having a delightful time said ,

his sister .

“ ”
I am glad to hear that I said interested ,
.

Generally he finds it such a bore He doesn t seem .

’

”
to like to travel I was rather startled at the sound
.

o f my o w n voice and the attention o f my audience ;

but I ha d been betrayed into speaking by my interest ,

in the s ubj ect and my surprise at hearing he was hav

,
~

in g such a pleasant time .

“
Ah she said don t yo u think he does ? At
,
’

any rate he seems to be enjoying thi s journey and t o

, ,

be in no hurry to come back I looked for hi m last .

”
week .

Warned by my last experience I said nothi n g in ,

answer ; and after a moment Kilian said :

“
Well if Richard s having a good time yo u may
,
’
,

be sure he s made some favorable negotiation and

’
,

c o mes home with good news fo r t he firm That s his .

’

”
i d ea o f a go od time yo u know ,
.

“ ” “ ’
Ah ! sai d S o phie gently that s his brother s
, ,
’

idea o f his idea It isn t m ine

.
’
.
 Ch a rlotte Benson seemed a little nettle d at this ,

and exclaimed ,

M rs Hollenbeck yo u are making us all unhappy

. .

Y o u are leading u s to suspect that the stern man o f

business is u nbending What s the infl u ence at
.
’

work ? What makes this j ourney di ffe rent from

”
other j ourneys ? Where does he tarry o h where ? , ,

“ ”
Nonsense ! said Sophi e with a li ttle laugh
,
.

Y o u ca nn o t s a y I have impli ed anyth ing of the sort .

Cannot Richard enjoy a j ourney without your censure

o r suspicion ? Y o u must be careful ; he does n o t
fancy teasing .

O I shall n o t accuse hi m you may be sure ; that

, ,

is if he ever comes Do you believe he really ever

,
.

will ?
“
N o t if he thinks yo u want him said Kilian
, ,

“
amiably . He has a great aversion to being made
much o f .

”
“
Yes a family trait interrupted Charlotte at
, , ,

which everybody la ughed n o o n e more cordi ally than

,

Miss Leighton .

”
“
Leave o ff laughing at my Uncle Richard said ,

Benny stoutly with his cheeks quite flushed

, ,
.

“
We have dear and are laughing at your Uncle
, ,

’
Kilian Y o u don t object t o that I m sure and
.
’
, ,

Charlotte Benson leaned forward and threw him a

 RICH A R D VA ND E RM A R OK .
43

little kiss past the t u tor who wore a Silent abstracte d

, ,

look in O dd contrast with the animated expressions

,

of faces all aro und him

t he .

Benny did not like the joke at all and got down,

from his chair and walked away w it ho irt permission .

We all f o llowed him going into the hall and from

, ,

thence t o the piazza as the n ight was fine The tutor

,
.

walked silen tly through the group in the hall to a seat

where lay his book and hat then passed through the
,

d oorway and disappeared from Sight .

 C HAPT E R V .

TH E TU T OR .

A n d n o w a bo ve t h em p o u rs a wo d n ro u s vo i c e ,

(S u c h a s G re e k re o p e ns h e a rd in S i c il y) ,

W i t h wo un di n g ra p t ure in it ,
lik e l o ve s ’
a rro ws .

G eo rg e E lio t .

TH E next d a y the first o f my visit was a very

, ,

sultry o n e and the rest o f the party tho u ght it was

, ,

no doubt a very d u ll o n e
,
.

Kilian a n d Mr Eugene Whitney went away in the

.

e arly train not t o return alas till the evening Of the

, , ,

followi n g d a y . Miss Leighton was lang uid and ,

ya wned incessantly tho u gh she tried t o appear in

,

t e re s t e d in thi n gs and was very attentive t o me

,
.

C harl o tte Benson and Hen rietta laid stro ng minded -

plans for the d a y and carried them o u t faithfully

,
.

First they played a game o f cro quet u n d er um

, ,

brellas fo r the sun was blazing o n the gr o und : that

,

w a s fo r exercise ; then fo r mental discipline they

, ,

read hist ory fo r an h o ur in the library ; and then for ,

relaxation under veils and sun hats read Ruskin fo r

, ,

two h o urs by the river .

I cann o t think Henrie t ta understood Ruskin but I ,

 RICH A R D VA N D E R M A R C K .
45

have no doubt she th o ught she did and tried t o share ,

i n her friend s enthusiasm

’
S Ophie had a little head
.

ac he and spent much o f the m o rning in her ro om

,
.

The boys were away with their tutor in the farm

house where they had their school room and the -
,

house seemed deserted and delightful I wandered .

about at ease chose my book and sat for h o urs in the

, ,

b o at h o use by the river not reading Ruskin n o r even

-
, ,

my po o r little novel but gazing and dream in g and

,

wondering It can be imagined what the c o untry

.

seemed to me in beaut iful summer weather after the

, ,

drea ry years I had spent in a city street -

.

It is quite impossible to describe all that seemed

f —
starting into li e within me all at once S O many ,

new forces s o much new life

,
.

My home sickness ha d passed away and I was in

-
,

clin e d to be very happy particularly in the liberty

,

t hat seemed t o promise Dinner was very quiet and

.
,

every o n e seemed dull even Charlotte Benson who

, ,

g
o rdinarily had life enou h for all The b o ys were .

there but their tutor had gone away o n a long walk

,

and w o uld not be back till evening “

A la bo n n e .

” “
ile u m ,
cried Madame with a little yawn ; freedom
,

”
o f the halls and deshabille for o n e afternoon
, ,
.

So we Spent the aftern o on with our doors O pen a n d ,

with books o r without bo o ks on the bed

, ,
.
 N o b o dy came into my room except M rs Hollen ,
.

beck for a few moments looking very pretty in a white

,

peign oir and rather sleepy at the same time ; hOpin g

,

I was co mfortable and had found s dm e t hin g to amuse

me in the l ibrary .

It seemed t o be thought a great bore to dress to ,

judge from the exclamations o f e nn ui which I heard

in t he b a ll as six o clock approached and t he youn g
,
’
,

ladi es wandered into each other s roo m and bewailed ’

the n ecessity I think Miss Leighton would have

.

been very glad to have stayed o n the bed and tried ,

to Sleep away the hours that presented n o amusement

but Charlotte Benson laughed at her so cru elly, that
sh e began to dress at once and s aid sh e had n o t in t e n
, ,

ded what sh e said, o f course .

I was the first to be ready and went down to the ,

piazza The heat o f the d a y was over and there w as

.

a soft pleasant breeze

,
We were to have tea at seven
.

o clock and while I sat there the bell rang The

’
, ,
.

tutor came in from under the trees where he had been

reading looking rather pale after his long walk
,
.

He bowed slightly as he passed me and waited at ,

the other end o f the piazza readin g as he stood till , ,

the others came do wn to the dining ro o m As we -

.

were seating ourselves he came in and t o o k his place ,

with a bow to me and the oth e rs M rs Hollenbeck . .

 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
47

asked him a little about his expedition , and paid him

a little more attention than u sual being the only man ,
.

He had a most fortunate way o f saying just the

right thing and then being silent ; never speaking

un less addressed, and then conveyin g exactly the im

pression he desired I think he must have appeared
.

in a more interesting light that usual at this meal fo r ,

as we went out from the dining room Mary Leighton -

“
put her a rm through mine and whispered Poor fel
’
lo w ! How lonely he must be ! Let s ask him to go
”
and walk with us this eveni n g .

Before I could remo n strate o rdetach myself from

her sh e had twisted herself about , in a peculiarly
,

supple and child like manner that She had and had
-
,

made the suggestion to him .

He was immeasurably surprised no doubt b ut he , ,

gave no Sign o f it After a Silence o f two o r three

.

instants during whi ch I think he was occupied in

, , ,

trying to find a way to decline he assented very ,

sedately .

Charlotte Benson and her friend who were behi nd ,

us were enraged at this proceeding During the

, .

week they had all been in the house together they ,

had never gone beyond speakin g terms with the

tutor and this they had agreed was the best way to
,

keep things an d it seemed to be his wish no less than

,
48 RI CH A R D VA R D RR IIA R C R .

theirs Here was this saucy girl in want o f amuse

.
,

m ent upsetting all their plans

,
They shortly de .

clin e d to to walk with us and o Mary Leighton

g o s ,

Mr Langenau and I started al o ne toward the river

.
,
.

It must be confessed Miss Leighton was n o t re

,

warded fo r her effort fo r a sti ffer and m o re a nc o m

,

fo rt a ble companion c o uld n o t be imagined He .

entirely declined t o respond t o her coquetry and S he ,

very soon found she must abandon thi s rOle ; but She
was nothing if n o t coquettish and the co nversation ,

flagged uncomfortably Before we rea ched home

.

s h e was quite impatient a n d ran up the steps when

, ,

we g o t there as if it were a great relief The tutor

,
.

raised his hat when he left u s at the door turned ,

back and disappeared fo r the rest of the even ing

, .

The next m o rning coming d o wn stairs half an hour

,
-

before breakfast I went into the library (a little ro o m

, ’

at the right of the front door) fo r a bo o k I had left

'

there I threw myself into an easy chair and o pened

.
-
,

it when I caught Sight o f the tutor readin g at the

, ,

win d ow I half started to my feet and then sank

.
,

back again in confusion ; for what was there t o go

away fo r ?
He rose and bowed and resumed his seat and hi s
,

book .

The room was quite small and we were very near,

 RICH A R D VA N D RRM A R C H .
49

each other How I could possibly have missed see

.

ing him as I entered n o w surp ri sed me I longed to

,
.

go away but did n o t dare d o anything that would

,

seem rude He appeared very much engrossed with

.

his book but I fo r m y part could not read a word

, , , ,

and was only thinking ho w I could get away Pos .

s ibl he g uessed at my embarrassment for after about

y ,

ten minutes he arose and coming up to the table by

,

which I s a t he took up a card and placed it in his

, ,

bo o k fo r a mark and shu t it up then made some re ,

mark to me about the day .

The color was coming and going in my face .

He must have felt sorry o r curious for he d id not ,

g o directly away and continued to talk o f things that

,

did n o t req uire me to answer him .

I do not know what it was about his voice that was

s o di fferent from the ordinary voices o f people There .

was a quality in it that I had never heard in a n y

other But perhaps it was in the ear that listened as
.
,

well as the voice that spoke And apart fro m the .

t o nes the wor d s I never could forget

, The most .

trivial things that he ever said to me I can remember ,

to this day .

I believe that this was n o t of my imagination but ,

that others felt it in some degree as I d id It was .

this that made him such an invaluable teacher ; he

3
impressed upon those and bloo d boys in that
fle sh - -
,

o n e summer more than they would have learned in

,

whole years from ordi nary persons It was not very .

stran ge, then , that I was smitten with the strangest

interest in all he said and did and that his words
,

m ade the deepest impression o n me .

N O dou bt it is pleasan t to be listened to by o n e

whose face tells you you are understood ; and the
tutor was not in a hurry t o g o away He had got up .

from the window I know with the intenti o n O f going

, ,

o u t o f the room but he continued standing looking

, ,

down at m e and talki n g for half an hour at least

,
.

The soft morning wind came in at the O pen door

.

and window with a scent o f rose and honeysuckle

,

the pretty little ro o m was full Of the early sunshi ne

in which there is no glare I can se e it all now and I ,

can hear as ever his low voice

, ,
.

He talked o f the book I held in my hand o f the ,

views o n the river o f the pleasantness o f country li fe

,
.

I fan cy I did n o t say much though I never am able

,

t o remember what I said when talking to him .

Whatever I said was a mere involuntary accord with

him I never rec o llect to have felt that I d id not
.

agree with and admi re every word he uttered .

How di fferent his manner from last n ight when he

had talked with Mary Leighton all the sti ffness the ,
 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C E
’

.
51

half concealed repelling tone was gone I had n o t

-
.

heard him speak to any o n e except perhaps once to ,

Benny as he spoke n o w I was quite sure that he

,
.

liked me and that he did n o t class me with the others

,

in the house B u t when the breakfast bell rang he

.
-
,

gave a Slight start and his voice changed ; and such a

,

frown came over his face ! He looked at his watch ,

said something about the hour and quickly left the ,

room I bent my head over my book and sa t still

.
,

till I heard them all come d o wn and go into the

breakfast room I trusted they would not know he
-
.

had been talking to me and there was little danger

, ,

unless they gu essed it from my cheeks being s o a fla m e .

At breakfast he was more silent than ever a n d his ,

brow had not quite got over that sudden frown At .

di nner he was away again as the day before ,

.

The day passed much as yesterday had done .

About four o clock there came a telegram from

’

Kilian to his sister He had been delayed a n d Mr

.
,
.

Whitney would wait for him and they would come ,

the next evening by the boat I think Mary Leighton .

could have cri ed if she had not been ashamed Her .

pretty blue organdie was on the bed ready to put

on. It went back into the wardrobe very quickly ,

and She came down to tea in a gray bar ege that w a s

a little shabby .
52 R ICH A R D VA N D E R M A R C K

A rain had come on about six O cl o ck At tea the ’

.

candles were lit and the windows closed E very one

,
.

l o oked moped and dull ; the evening promised to be

ins ufferable Mrs Hollenbeck saw the necessity o f
. .

rousing herself and providing us some amusement .

When Mr Langenau entered she met his bo w with

.
,

o n e o f her best smiles : h o w the change must have

struck him ; for She had been very mechanical and

polite to him before Now she spoke to hi m with the
.

charming manner that bro u ght every o n e t o her feet .

And what was the cause o f this sudden kindness ?

It is very easy for me to s e e now though then I had ,
.

not a suspici o n Alas ! I am afraid that the cheeks

.

a fla m e at breakfast time were the im m e d ia t d ca u s e o f

-

the change M rs H o llenbeck wo uld not have made

. .

so marked a mo vement for an evening s entertainm ent

’

it seemed to suit her very well that I should talk

to the tutor in the library before breakfast and she ,

meant to give me opportunities for talking to him in

the parlor too .

“ ” ”
A dreary evening is it not ? S h e began
,
“
Wh at .

shall we all do ? Charlotte can t you thi nk o f some ,

’

”
thing ?
Charlotte who had her own plans for a quiet even
,

ing by the lamp with a new book o f course cou ld n o t ,

think o f anyt hing .

 RICH A R D VA N DE R M A R C K .
53

Henrietta at least you shall give us some music

, ,

and Mr Langenau I am sure you will be good enough

.
,

to help us ; I will send over to the school room fo r -

that flute and those piles o f music that I ve seen upon ’

a shelf and yo u will be charitable enough to play for

,

us

I must beg you will n o t take that trouble .

”
Oh Mr Langenau that is selfish now
,
.
,
.

M rs H o llenbeck did not press the subject then but

.
,

made herself thoroughly delightful during tea and as ,

we rose from the table renewed the request in a low

tone to Mr Lan genau : and the res ult was a little after
.
,

eight o clock he ca m e into the parlor w

’
here we sa t .

A place was made for him at the table around which

we were sitting and Mrs Hollenbeck began the pro
,
.

cess o f putting hi m at his c a s e There was no need . .

The tutor was quite as much at c a s e as any o n e and , ,

in a little while imperceptibly became the person to

,

whom we were all listening .

Charlotte Benson at la st gave up her book and ,

took her work box instead We were no longer mop

-
.

ing and dull aroun d the ta ble And bye and bye .

Henrietta much a larmed was sent to the piano and

, , ,

her poor little music certainly sounded very meagre

whe n Mr Lan genau touched t he keys
. .

I thin k he consented to play n o t to appear rud e ,

54 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

but with the firm int ention of not being the in st ru

ment o f o u r entertainment and not being made u se ,

o f o u t of his own accepted calling But happily for .

us he so o n fo rg e t all ab o ut us and played o n a h

, , ,

sorbed in himself a n d in his music We listened .

breathlessly the others quite as much engrossed as I

, ,

because they all knew much more o f music than I di d .

Suddenly after playing for a lo n g while he started

, ,

from the piano and came back to the table He was

,
.

evidently agitated Before the othe rs could s a y a

.

word o f thanks o r wonder I cried in a fear o f the ces , ,

sati o n of what gave me such intense pleasure ,

’
Oh S in g something can t yo u Sing
,

”
Yes I can sing he said looking do w n at me
, , ,

“
with those dangerous eyes Will it give yo u .

”
pleasure if I sing for yo u ?
He did not wait for an answer, but turned back to
the piano .

“
He had sa id if I sing for you and I knew t hat for ,

me he was singing I do not kn o w what it was for

.

others but for me it was the only true music that I

, ,

had ever heard the only music that I could have

,

begged might never cease but flood o ver all the pres ,

ent and the future satisfying every sense Other voices

,
.

had roused and thrilled t his filled me I asked no ,

.

more a n d could have died with that sound in my ears

,
.
 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R OK .
55

”
Why Pauline ! child ! what is it ? cried M rs
,
.

Hollenbeck as the music ceased and Mr Langenau

,
.

again came back to the circle round the table E very .

o n e looked : I w as choking with sobs .

“ ’ ”
Oh don t I d o n t want you t o speak to m e I
, ,
’
,

cried putting away her hand and darting fro m the

,

room I was n o t ashamed o f myself even when I

.
,

was alone in m y ro om The powerful magic lasted .

still thro u gh the silence and darkness till I w a s

, ,

arouse d by the voices o f the others coming up to be d .

Mrs Hollenbeck knocked at my door with her bed

.

ro o m candle in her hand and as she stood talking to , ,

me the others strayed in to join her and to satisfy

,

their curiosi t y .

Y o u are very sensitive t o music are you n o t ? ”

,

said Charlotte Benson contemplatively She had ,

.

”
t ri ed me on M o m ps s e n a nd the Seven Lamps and
“
, ,

fo und me wanting and n o w perhaps hoped t o find

,

some other point less faulty .

“ ”
I do n o t know I said honestly I seem to
, ,
.

”
have been very sensitive to n ight .

“
But yo u are n o t always asked Henrietta Pal
Y o u do not always cry when people sing
”
Why no I said with great contempt
, ,
“
Bu t I .

”
never heard any o n e sing like that before .

“ ”
He does sing well said Mrs Hollenbeck thought ,
.
,
~

fully .
 R ICH A R D VA N D E RM A R CK .

Im m ense expression and a fine voice added ,

Charlotte Bens o n .

“
He has been e d ucated fo r the stage you may be ,

sure said Mary Leighton with a little spite

,
A S ,
.

Miss d E st ré e says I never heard a n y one sing like

’
,

”
that o u t of the choru s o f an opera
,
.

“ ” “
Well I think returned Charlotte Benson
, ,
if ,

there were many voices like that in ordinary choruses ,

o n e wo uld be glad to dispen s e with the so le s and

”
duets .

Oh you w o uld not find his v o ice so wonderful

, ,

if yo u heard it o u t o f a parl o r It is very well but .

,

it w o uld n o t fill a c o ncert hall much less an opera ,

house No ; you ma y be sure he has been educated

.

for som e o f those German choruses ; you know they

”
are very fine musicians .

“
Well I don t know that it is anything to us what
,
’

”
he was educated fo r said Charlotte Bens o n Sharply
, ,
.

He ha s given us a very delightful evening and I , ,

”
fo r o n e am much o bliged to him
,
.

”
“
E t m o i C a s si murmured Henrietta wreathing
, ,

her large beautiful arm s about her fri end and the t w o ,

sauntered away .

Mary Leigh to n in general ill humor and still re

,
-
,

m e m b e ri n g the walk o f the last eveni ng desired to ,

fire a parting shot and exclaimed as she went o u t ,

-
, ,
 RIC HA R D VA N D E R M A R C K .
57

Well I think it is something to I like to have

”
gentlemen about me .

Y o u need not be uneasy said Mrs Hollenbeck

,
.
,

“
a little stiffly
. I think Mr Langenau is a gentle
.

”
man .

But at this moment his step was heard in the hall

below, and there was an end put to the conversation .
 C HAPT E R VI .

La s t n igh t wh e n,
so m e o n e s p k o e h rs n am e,

Fro m m y s w i ft b l o o d t h tw
a e n t a n d ca m e

h
A t o us a n d li t t l e s a ft s h o f fla m e
We re s h ive re d in m y n a rro w fra m e .

Te n n yso n .

TH E next m o rning was brilliant and cool the earth ,

and heavens shining after the rain o f the past night I .

was dressed long long before breakfast : it would be

,

s o tiresome to wait in my room till the bell rang ; yet

if I went down stairs would it not lo o k as if I wanted

-
,

to se e Mr Langenau again ? I need not go to the

.

library o f course but I could scarcely avoid being seen

, ,

from the library if I went out But why suppose .

that he would be down again s o early ? It w a s very

improbable and so a ffectionately deceived I put on a
, , ,

hat and walking jacket a n d stole down the stairs I

-
.

s a w by the clock in the lower b a ll that it was half a n

hour earlier than I had come down the morning b e

fore ; at which I was secretly chagrined fo r now there ,

wa s no danger a li a s hope o f seeing Mr Langenau

, ,
. .
 R ICH A R D VA ND R RM A R C R .
59

But probably he had forgotten all about the foolish

half hour that had given me so much to think about
-
.

I glanced into the library which was empty and hur , ,

ried o u t o f the hall door secretly disappointed

-
,
.

I took the path that led over the hill t o the river .

It passed through the garden under the long arbors O f ,

grapevines over the hill and through a grove O f

, ,

m a ples ending at the river where the boat house

,
-

stood The brightness o f the morning was n o t lost

.

o n me and before I reached the maple grove I was

,
-

buoyant and happy At the entrance o f the grove

.

(which w a s traversed by several paths the principal ,

coming up directly from the river) I came suddenly

upon the tutor walking rapidly with a pair o f oars
, ,

over his shoulder He started and for a moment we

.
,

both stood still and did not speak I could only .

think with confu sion o f my emotion when he sang .

”
“
Y o u are always early he said with his Slight , , ,

“
very sligh t foreign accent earlier than yesterday by
, ,

half an hour he add ed looking at his watch My

”
, ,
.

heart gave a great bound o f pleasure Then he had .

n o t fo rgotten How he must have seen all this .

He stoo d and talk ed with me for some moments ,

and then desperately I made a movement to go o n I .

do n o t believe at least I a m not s u re that at first he

, ,

had any intention o f going with me But it w as n o t .

60 RIC HA R D VA N D E RM A R C K
’
.

in human nat ure t o withstand the flattery of such

em o tion as hi s presence seemed always to inspire in
me ; and then I have no d o ubt he had a certain
, ,

pleasure in talki n g to me o utside o f that ; and then

the morning was s o lovely and he had so much o f
b o o ks .

H e proposed to Show me a walk I had not taken .

There was a little hesitati o n in his mann er but he ,

‘

was reassured by my look o f pleas u re and t hro w rn g ,

down the e a rs under a tree he turned and walked be ,

side me N o d o ubt he said to himself America !

.
“
,

This paradise o f girlh o o d —there can be no o bje c

”
tion . I t was heavenly sweet that walk the birds ,
-
,

the S ky the dewiness and freshness o f all nature and

,

all life It seemed the unstained beginnin g o f all

.

things to me .

The woods were wet ; we could n o t go thro ugh

them a n d so we went a lo n ger way along the river
, ,

and back by the re a d .

This time he did n o t do all the talking but made ,

me talk and listened carefully t o a ll I said ; and I w a s

,

s o happy talking was n o t any e ffort

,
.

At last he made some allusi o n to the music o f last

night that he was s o glad t o see that I loved music as
”
I did “
. But I don t particularly I said in c o nfusi o n
’
, ,

with a great fear of being dishonest at least I never ,

 RI C HA R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
51

thou ght I did before and I am so ignorant I don t

,
.
’

want yo u to think I know anythin g about it for yo u ,

”
would be disappointed He was silent and I felt
.
, ,

sure because he was already disappointed ; in fear o f

,

which I went on to s a y
I never heard any one Sing like that before I am
very sorry tha t it gave any o n e an impression that I
’
had a knowledge of music when I hadn t I don t ,
’
.

’
care about it generally except in church and I can t
, ,

”
understand what made me feel so yesterday .

“
Perhaps it is because you were in the mood for
” “
it he said
,
It is often s o o n e time music gives us
.
,

”
pleasur e another time it does n o t
,
.

“
That may be so ; but your voice , in speaking ,

even seems t o me di fferent from any other It is a l

,
.

most as good as music when yo u speak ; only the

”
music fills me with such feelings .

”
“
Y o u must let me sing for you again he sai d , ,

rather low as we walked slowly on

,
.

“ ”
Ah ; if yo u only will I answered, with a d eep ,

sigh o f satisfaction .

We walked on in silence till we reached the gate

he opened it for me and then sai d , N o w I must
“

”
leav e yo u and g o back for the c a rs
,
.

I was secretly glad o f this ; since the walk ha d -

reach ed its n atural limit and it s end must be accepted,

62 RI C H A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

it w a s a relie f to approach the hou s e alone and not be

the subj ect o f any observation .

Breakfast had began : no o n e seemed t o feel much

interest in my entrance though fl aming with red ,

roses and red cheeks .

They were of t he se x that do n o t notice such th ings

naturally with much interest o r adm iration They
,
.

“ ”
had hardly shaken o ff drowsy hed and had no -
,

pleasure in anythi ng but their breakfas t, and n o t

much in that .

How do yo u manage to get yourself up and

”
dressed at such inhuman hour s ? said Mary Leigh t on ,
querulously .

Y o u are a reproach to the household and we will ,

”
not su ffer it said Charlotte Benson
,
.

I never could understand thi s thing of getting up

”
before you are obliged to added Henrietta plaintively
,
.

B ut S Ophie seemed well satisfie d particularly when ,

Mr Langenau came in and I looked down into my

.

cup of tea instead of saying good morni ng to him

,
-
.

He did not sa y very much though there was a good ,

deal o f babble among the others, principally-about his

music .

It was becoming the fashion t o be very attentive t o

hi m He was made to promise to play in the even
.

ing ; to bring down his books of music fo r the benefit

 R IC H A R D VA N D R RM A R C H .
63

of Miss Henrietta who wanted to practice Heaven

,

knows what o f hi s His advice was asked about styles

.

o f playing and modes o f instruction ; he was deferred

to as an authority But very little he seemed to care

.

about it all I thought

,
.
 T HR E E W
VE E K S TOO LAT E .

Qu a o n p la ce
’

(2 la che ese p e rd se .

D e la m a in (2 la bo u che se p e rd so u ve n t la s o up e .

D i s ta n c e a ll v l ue
a en h a n ce s !
W h e n a m a n s b usy w hy l e i sure
’
, ,

S tri k e s h im a s w o n d e rful p l e a s ure .

F a i t h a n d a t l e i s ure o n c e is h e ,

S t ra ig h t wa y h e w a n t s t o b e b u s y .

R B ro wn i ng
. .

weeks more passed : two weeks that seem to

me s o many years when I look back upon them .

Many more walks early and late man y evenings o f

, ,

music m any accidents of meeti n g It is all like a

,
.

dream . At seventee n it is s o easy to dream ! It

d o es n o t take two weeks for a girl to fall in love and
make her whole life di fferent .

It was Sat u rday evening and Richard w a s expected ;

,

Richard and Kilian and Mr E ugene Whitney Ah . .

,

Richard was c o ming just three weeks t o o late .

We were all waiting o n the piazza for them in ,

pretty t o ilettes and excellent tempe rs It w a s a lovely .

 R IC H A R D VA N D E R M A R C K .
65

evening ; the sunset was filling the sky with splendor ,

and Charlotte and Henrietta had gone to the corner

o f the piazza whence the river could be seen and ,

were murmuring fragments o f verses to each other .

They were n o t s o much absorbed however but that , ,

they heard the first sound o f the wheels inside the

gate and hurried back to j o in us by the steps
,
.

Mary Leighto n looked absolutely lovely The blue .

organdie had seen the day at last and She was in such
,

a flutter of delight at the coming o f the gentlemen

that she co uld scarcely be recognized as the pale ,

flimsy young person who had moped so unblushi n gly

all the week .

”
They are all three there she exclaimed with su p
,

presse d rapture as the carriage turned the angle of

,

the r o ad that bro u ght t hem into Sight Mrs Hollen . .

beck quite beami n g with pleasure ran down the st eps

, ,

(f o r Richard had been away almost two months

) and ,

Mary Leight o n was at her side o f course Charlotte

,
.

Benson and Henrietta went half way down the steps -

,

and I stood o n the piazza by the pillar near the door .

I was a little excited by their coming too but n o t , ,

nearly as much so as I might have been three weeks

a o
g . A subject o f much greater interest occupied my
mind that very m o ment a n d related to the chances
,

o f t he tuto r s getting home in time for tea , from o n e

’
66 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

of those long walks that were s o tiresome I felt as .

if I hardly needed Richard now Still dear o ld Rich .

,

ard ! It was very n ice to s e e him once again .

The gentlemen all sprang o u t o f the carriage and ,

a Babel of welcomes and questions and exclamations

arose Richard kissed his sister and answered some
.
,

o f her many questio n s then Shook hands with the

,

youn g ladies but I could s e e that his eye w a s search

,

’
in g fo r me I can t tell why cer t ainly n o t because I
.
,

felt at all shy I had stepped back a little behi nd the

, ,

pillar and the vines In an instant he sa w me and

.
,

came quickly up the steps and stood by me and ,

grasped my hand and looked exactly a s if he meant

,

to kiss me I h o ped that nobody s a w hi s look and I

.
,

drew back a little frighten e d

,
Of course I kn ow . .

that he had n o t the leas t intention o f kissin g me but ,

his look w as s o eager and so unusual .

”
It is two months Pau line he sai d ; and are yo u
, ,

”
well ? And though I only said that I was well and
was very glad t o s e e him I am sure his sister S Ophi e
,

thought that it w a s something more for she had fo l ,

lowed him u p the steps a n d stood in the doorway

looking at n
The others came up there and Kilian as soon as , ,

he could get o u t o f the meshes o f the blue organdie ,

ca me t o me and tried to o u t devotion Richard

,
-
.
 R ICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
57

That is the way wi th men He had not taken any

.

trouble to get away from Mary Leighton till Richard

came .

A yo u ng woman only n eeds o n e lover very much

in earnest to bring about her several others not so
, ,

much perhaps in ear n est but very amusing and

, , ,

instructive Richard went away very qui ckly for I

.
,

am sure he did n o t like that sort o f thing .

It was soon necessary for Mr Kilian t o suspend his .

devotion and go to hi s room t o get ready for tea .

When we all assembled again at the table I found , ,

that he had placed himself beside me next his sister , ,

lit tle Benny having gone to bed .

Of co u rse the head of the table belongs to Richard ;

,

I never interfere there and as everybody else is placed

, ,

this is the only seat that I can take following the rose ,

”
and thorn principle .

”
But that principle is not followed strictly crie d ,

Charlotte Benson , who sa t by Mary Leighton He re .

are two roses and no thorn .

“ ”
Ah ! What a strange oversight he exclaimed , ,

“
seating himself nevertheless The only way to
.

remedy it will be to put the tutor in your place ,

Miss Benson and you come O ppos ite Miss Pauline

, .

Q ui ck ; before he comes and refuses to move hi s Teu

”
tonic bones a n inch Charlott e Benson changed he r
.
68 R I CHA R D VA N D E R M A R C K .

seat and the vacan t one w a s left between her a n d

Mary Leighto n .

This is the order of our seats for that a n d many

,

fo llowing happy nights and d ays :

Richard
Mary Leight o n ,
Henrietta ,

The Tuto r
,
Mr E ugene Whi tney .
,

Charlotte Benson ,
Myself ,

Charley, Kilian ,

S o phie .

Mary Leighton looked furious and coul d hardly

Speak a word all thro u gh the meal It was par .

t ic ula rly hard upon her as the tutor did n o t come and
, ,

the chair was empty and a glari ng insult t o her a ll

,

the t irn e
.

Kilian ha d done his part s o innocently and so

Simpl y that it was hard to suspect him o f any
intention to pique her and annoy Richard but I am ,

sure he did it with just those two intentions He was .

as thorough a flirt as any woman and withal very ,

fond o f chan ge and I think my pink grenadine quite

,

dazzled him as I stood o n the piazza Then came the .

bro therly and quite natural desire to outshine Richard

and put things o u t a little I liked it all very much
.
,
'

and was charmed to be o f s o much c o nsequence for I ,

s a w a ll this qu ite plainly I laughed and talked a

.
 R IC H A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
69

good deal with Ki lian ; he was delightful to laugh

and talk with Even E ugene Whitney found me
.

more worth his weak attention than the beautiful a n d

placid Henrietta .

The amusement was chiefly at our end o f the table .

B ut amidst it I did not fail to glance O ften at the

,

doo r and wonder uncomfortably why the tutor did

, ,

not come .

A S we left the table and lingered for a few moments

in the hall Richard came up to me and said as he
, ,

“
prepared to light his cigar Will you n o t come o u t
,

and walk up and do w n the path here with me while

”
I smoke ?
I began to make s o me excuse for I wante d t o d o ,

nothing just then but watch the stairway to s e e if

Mr Lan genau di d not come down even then a n d go
.

into the dining ro o m -

.

But I reflected how ungraciou s it would seem t o

refuse this when he had just come home and I fo l
, ,

lowed him o u t into the path .

There was no moon but the stars were very bright

, ,

and the air was sweet with the flo w e r beds in the -

grass along the path we walked .

-
The hou se looked gay and pleasant as we walke d
up and down before it wi th its many lighted windows
, ,

and people with bright dresses moving about o n the

79 RI CH A RD VA N D R RM A R C R .

piazza Richard lit his cigar and said after a silence

.
, ,

“
o f a few moments with a sigh It is good to be at
, ,

”
h ome again .

“
But y o u ve had a pleasant j ourney ?
’

N o the most tiresome that I ever made and this ,

last detention wore my patience o u t It seemed the .

longest fortnight I could no t bear to think O f yo u all

.

”
here and I away in such a dismal hole
,
.

“
I suppose Uncle Leonard had n o pity o n yo u as ,

long as there was a penny t o be made by staying

”
there .

No ; I S pent a great deal o f money in telegraph

ing to him for orders to come home but he would not ,

”
gi ve up .

“
And how is Uncle Leonard ; did yo u go t o Varick
”
street ?
N O indeed I d id not waste any time in town I
,
.

”
only reached there yesterday .

5
‘
I w o nder Uncle Leonard let you o ff so soon .

“
He growled a good deal but I did not stay t o ,

”
listen .

”
That s always the best way
’
.

And n o w Pauline tell me how yo u li ke the place

, ,

Like it ! Oh thi nk it is a Paradise

, ,

and I clasped my hands in a young sort of ecstacy .

H e w a s silent which was a sign that he was satisfied

’

,
 RI C H A RD VA N D E R M A R CK .
71

“ ’
I wen t o n aft er a moment I don t wonder that you a ll
,

love it I n ever sa w anything half so beautiful The

. .

dear old house is prettier than any new o n e that could

be built and the trees are s o grand ! And o h Richard
, , ,

I think the garden lying o n the hi llside there in the

beautiful warm su n wi th such royal flowers and fruit
, ,

is worth all the grape houses and conservatories in

-

the neighborhood Your sister took us to three o r four

.

o f the neighbori n g places a week o r t w o ago But I .

like this a hundred times the best I Should think .

o u would be sorry every moment that u have to

y yo

”
Spend away from it .

I hope o n e of these d ays to live here altogether ,

he said in a lo w tone .

It was s o di fficult for Richard to be unreserved

that it is very likely thi s was the first time ih his life
that he had ever expressed this the brightest h Ope
,

he had .

I could fancy all these few words implied a wife ,

children a happy home in manhood where he had

,

been a happy child .

“
It belongs t o Kilian and m e but it is understood
,

”
I have the right to it when I am ready for it .

“
And your sister— it does n o t belong at all t o her ?
i

N 0 she o nly keeps house fo r us It would make

,
.

a great change for S Ophie if either pf us married .

79 R I CHA R D VA N D E RM A R C K

But then I know that it wo uld give her pleasu re fo r ,

”
I am sure that She would n o t be selfish .

I was not so sure but o f course I d id n o t say so

, , ,
.

At this moment while Rich ard sm o ked and I walked

,

Silently beside him a dark figure struck dire c tly

,

acro ss the path before u s The appariti o n was s o.

sudden that I sprang and screamed a n d caught ,

Richard by the arm .

“
I beg your pardon said the tut o r with a qu ick
, ,

look o f surpri se at me and th en at Richard and b o w ,

ing strode on into the house

,
.

That s the German S o phie has taken fo r the boys

’
,

is it ? said Richard knitti n g his brows a n d l o o kin g

”
, ,

after him wi th n o great appr o bation

,
I don t half .
’

like the idea of his being here : I t o ld Sophie S O at

starting A governess would do as well fo r t w o years
.

yet What ki n d o f a pers o n d o es he see m t o be

.

I don t kno w— that is— I can t tell exactly I

’ ’
.

”
d o n t know him well enough I answer e d in co n fu
’
,

si o n which Ri chard did n o t see

,
.

“
N o of course n o t
,
Y o u w o uld n o t be li kely to
.

s e e him except at the table But it is awkward hav .

ing him here — so much o f the week no m a n about ;

, ,

”
and o n e never kn o ws anything about these Germans .

“
I th o ught— y o ur sister said— you knew a ll about
‘

him I said , in rather a low voice

”
,
.
 R IC H A R D VA ND E RM A R CK . 3

As much as o n e nee d s t o know about a mere

teacher B ut the person yo u have in your house all
.

”
the time is different .

”
“
B u t he is a gentleman I put in more firmly ,
.

I hope he is He had letters to some friends of

.

ours B ut what are letters ? People gi ve them when

.

they re asked for them and half the time know

’
,

nothing o f the person for whom they do the favor ,

besides his name and general standing Hardly that .

,

”
s o metimes Then as if t o put away a tiresome and
.
,

unwelc o me subject he began again to talk about the

,

place .

But I had lost my interest in the subject and ,

thought only of return ing to the house .

I said playfully putting o u t my hand as

,

he took o u t another cigar to light “

Y o u have .

smoked enough t o night D O you kno w you smoke

-
.
,

”
a great deal more than is good for you .

“
Well I will not smoke any more t o night if yo u
,
-

”
say so Only don t go in the house
.
’
.

Oh yes you know we o nly came o u t to smoke

, ,
.

He stood in front of the path that led to the piazza

and said in an a lfe ct io n a t e gentle way Stay and
,
“
, ,

walk a little longer I have not told yo u half how

.

”
glad I am that you are here at last .

“
Oh as fo r that you ve g o t a goo d many weeks to
, ,
’

4
74 RICH A RD VA N DE RM A R OK

”
tell me in Besi d es it s gettin g chi lly and I gave a
.
,
’
,

little Shiver .

”
If you re cold o f course he said letting me pass
’
, , ,

and following me and added with a shade o f anxiety

, , ,

“
W hy didn t yo u tell me before ? I never thou ght
’

”
o f it and you have no shawl
,
.

I felt asha m ed o f myself as I led the way up the

piazza steps .

In the hall which was quite light they were all

, ,

standing and Mr Langenau was in the group They

,
. .

were petitionin g him fo r music .

“
Oh he has promised that he will sing sa id S o
, ,

“
phie ; but remember he has n o t had his tea I .

have ordered it fo r you Mr Lan genau it will be ,

.

”
ready in a moment .

Mr Langenau b o wed and turned t o go up the

.

stairs His eye met mine as I came into the light

.
, ,

dazzled a little by it .

He went up the stairs ; the others after a few mo

ments went int o the parlor I sa t d o wn o n a sofa beside
,
.

M rs Hollenbeck
. Richard was called away by a per
.

so n o n business There w as a shaded lamp o n a

.

bracket above the s o fa where we s a t ; Mrs Hollenbeck .

w as rea di ng some letters sh e had just received and I

’

to o k up the evening paper reading over and over an ,

advertisement o f books Presently the servant ca me .

 R e R IC H A R D VA A D RR H A R C H
'

.
75

t o M rs
‘

Hollenbeck and said that Mr La n g e n a u s tea

. .
’

was ready She was sent up to tell him s o and in a

.
,

few m oments he came d o wn When he reached the .

hall S Ophie lo o ked up with her most lovely smile

,
.

Yo u must be famished Mr Langenau ; pray go ,

.

immediately to the dining room I am sorry not to -

.

make your tea myself but I hear Benny waking and ,

must go to him Will you mind taking my place .

,

Pauline and p o uring o u t tea for Mr Langenau

,
.

I was bending over the paper ; my face turned

suddenly from red to pale I said something .

inaudible in reply and got up and went into the ,

dining room , followed by the t utor

-
.

It was several minutes before I looked at him The .

servants had not favored us with much light : there

was a branch o f wax candles in the middle o f the
table Mr La n g e n a u s plate was placed just at o n e
. .
_
’

side o f the tray at which I had seated myself He

,
.

looked pale even t o his lips I began t o think o f the

,
.

terrible walks in which he seemed to hunt himself

down and to wonder what was the motive though I
, ,

had often wondered that before He took the cup o f .

tea I o ffered him with o ut speaki n g Neither of us .

spoke for several minutes then I said rather irreS o ; , ,

“
lu t e ly I am s ure you tire yourself by these leng
,

”
walks .
 Do yo u think so ? N O they rest me .

N O doubt I felt more coquettish and had more con ,

fid e n ce than usual from the successes o f that evening

, ,

and from the knowledge tha t Richard and Kilian and

E ugene Whi tney even were so delighted t o talk to
, ,

me ; otherwise I could never have said what I said

the ir by a sudden impulse and with a half laughing
, ,
-

voice D O not go away again s o long ; it makes it so

,

”
d ull and tiresome .

He looked at me and said It does n o t seem t o me ,

”
y o u miss me very much But such a gleam
. o f th o se
dark dangerous eyes ! I looked down but my breath
, ,

came quickly and my face must have show n the agita

tion that I felt .

At this moment Richard released from his engage ,

ment in the library came through the hall and stopped

,

at t he d ining roo m door He paused fo r a moment

-
.

at the door walked away again then came back and

, ,

into the room with rather a qui cker step than usual
,
.

“ ” “
Pauline he said and I started visibly
, ,
They ,

seem to be waiting for you in the parlor for a game of

”
cards.

His voice indicated anything but satisfaction I .

half rose then sank back and said hesitatingly

, , , ,

Can I pour you some more tea Mr Langenau ? ,

.

”
“
If it is n o t troubling you too much he said in a ,
 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R CK .
77

voice that a moment s time had hardened into Sharp

’

ness.

Oh the misery o f that cup of tea with Richard

, ,

looking at me o n o n e side flushed and angry and Mr ,

.

Langenau o n the other pale and cynical My hands,

.

Shook s o that I could n o t lift the tea kettle a n d -

,

Richard angrily leaned down and moved it for m e .

The alcohol in the lamp flamed up and scorched my arm .

”
Oh Richard yo u have burned me I cri ed drop
, , ,

ping the cup and wrapping my handkerchief around

my arm In an instant he w a s all softness and kind
.

ness and I have no dou bt repentance

, , ,
.

“ ” “
I am very sorry he said ; Does it hurt yo u
,

very much ? Come with me and I will get S Ophie to ,

”
put something o n it .

But Mr Langena u d id n o t m o ve o r Show a n y

.

interest in my sufferings I was half crying but I .

-
,

s a t still and tried with the o t her hand to replace the

cup and fill it Seeing that I did not make much

.

headway, and that Richard had stepped back Mr ,

.

Langenau said Allow me and held the cup while I

, ,

managed to pour the tea into it He thanked me .

stiffly and without looking at either of them I got up

,

and went out o f the room Richard following me ,

.

Will you wait here while I call S o phie to g e t

”
something for you ? he said a little coldly .
 RICH A R D VA N D E RM A R CK .

NO I d o not want anything ; I wish vou would n o t

,

s a y anything more ab o ut it ; it only hurt me for a

”
moment .

“ ”
Will yo u go into the parlor then ? ,

— ”
No yes that is I said and capriciously went
, , , ,

alone fo r he did n o t follow me

,
.

I w a s wanted for cards but I would not play and , ,

s a t down b o n e of the windows a little out o f the

y ,

light This win d ow opened up o n the piazza After

. .

a little while Richard walking up and down the ,

“
piaz za s t e ppe d by it and said to me
,
I hope you
,

won t think it unreasonable in me t o ask Pauline ; but

’
,

how in the world d id yo u happen to be making tea

for that— that man in there ? ”

“
I happened to make tea for Mr La ngenau b e .

” “
cause yo u r sister asked me t o I said angrily ; you ,

had better Speak to her ab o ut it .

”
You may be sur e I shall he said walking away , ,

from the window .

Presently the tutor came in from the hall by the

door near the piano and sat down by it without being
,

asked and began to play softly as if n o t to interrupt

, ,

the game o f cards I could n o t help thinking in what

.

good taste this was since he had pro mised n o t to

,

wait for any more importunities The game at c ards .

soon languished for Charlotte Benson really had an

,
 RI CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
79

enthusiasm for music, and was not happy till she was
at li berty to gi ve her whole attention to it A S soon .

as the players were released Kilian came over and s a t ,

beside me He rather wearied me for I wanted to

'

.
,

listen to the m usic but he was determined not to see

,

that and chattered so that more than once Charlotte

,

Benson turned i m patiently and begged us not t o talk .

Once Mr Langenau himself turned and looked at us

.
,

but Kilian only pa u se d and then went o n again ,

.

Mary Leighton had fled to the piano and was gazing

at the keys in a rapt manner hoping no doubt to , , ,

rouse Kilian to j ealousy o f the tutor .

“ ” “
Please go away I said at last this is making
, ,

”
me seem rude .

” “
Do not tell me he exclaimed ,
that yo u are ,

helping Mary Leighton and Sophie to spoil this

German fellow I really did not look for it in you
. .

I
’ ”
I can t stay here and be talked to I said getting , ,

up in d e spa ir
. .

“ ”
Then c o me o n the piazza he exclaimed and we , ,

were there alm o st befo re I knew what I was doing .

I suppose every o n e in t he r o o m saw us go o ut : I

was in terro r when I th o ught what an insult it would
seem to Mr Lan genau We walked ab o ut the piazza
. .

for some ti m e ; I am afraid M r Kilian found me .

80 RI C H A R D VA N D E RM A R CK .

rather dull for I could only listen to what was going

,

o n inside At last he was called away by a man from

.

the stable w ho brought some alarming account of hi s

,

beloved To m o r Jerry If I had been his bride at .

the altar I am sure he would have left me ; being

,

o nly a new and very faintly lighted flame he hurried -

,

o ff with scarcely an apol o gy .

I sat down in a piazza chair just outside the win -

,

dow at which we had been sitting I lo o ke d in at the .

windo w but no o n e could see me from the posi t ion

, ,

o f my chair .

Presently Mr Lan genau left the piano and Mary

.
,

Leighton talking to hi m with e ffusion walked across

, ,

the ro o m beside hi m and took her seat at this very

,

window He did n o t sit down b ut stood before her

.
,

with his hat in his hand as if he only awaited a favor

,

able pause t o go away .

”
‘
Ah where did Pauline go ? she said glancing
, ,

“
around . But I suppose we must excuse her fo r to
'
,

n ight a t least as he h as just come home

,
I imagine .

the engagement was no surprise to yo u

”
Of what engagement d o you speak ? he said .

Why ! Pauline and Richard V a n d e rm a rck ; yo u

kno w it is quite a settled thing And very go od for .

h e r I think
,
He seems to me just t h e sort o f man to
.

keep her steady and—well , improve her character yo u ,

 R I CH A R D V A ND R R M A R C R .
81

know She seems such a he e d le ss s o rt of girl They

‘

. .

sa
y her mother ran away and made some h orrid mar
ria e and I believe her uncle has had t o keep her
g , , ,

very strict He is very much pleased I am t o ld with

.
, ,

marryi n g her to Richard and S h e herself seems very

much in love with him .

All this time he had sto o d very still and looked at

her bu t his face had changed slowly as She spoke I
,
.

knew then that what She had said had not pleased
him She went on in her babbling soft voice
.
,

“
His sister Sophie isn t please d of course s o there ’
, ,

is n o thing said about it here It is rather hard fo r .

her for the place belongs to Richard and besides

, , ,

Richard has been very generous to her alwa ys And .

—
then t o see him marry j ust such a sort of person yo u
know — so y o un g

“
Y e s— s o youn g said Mr Lan genau between his
,
.
,
‘

“
teeth and o f such charming inno cence
,
.

“
Oh as to that said Mary Leighton piqued be
, , ,

”
yond prudence we all have our o w n views as t o that
,
.

The largess due the bearer o f good news was not by

right the m o o d o f Mary Leighton He l o oked at her .

as if he hated her .

Mr Richard V a n d e rm a rck is a fo rtunate man

.
,

he said “
She has rare beauty if he ha s a taste for
.
,

”
be a u t v .
 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A RC K

Men sometimes tire o f that ; if indeed she has it .

Her col o ring is her strong point and that may n o t ,

last forever ; and Mary s v o icC was no l o nger silvery

’
.

”
You think so ? he said “
I think her grace is .

her strong point la g r é ee en c o r e p lu s belle g u e la

,
‘

and longer lived beside Few women move

-
.

as she does making it a pleasure to fo ll o w her with

,

the eyes And her height and suppleness : at twenty

.

”
five she will be regal .

“ ”
Then Mr Langenau she cried with sudden
,
.
, ,

spitefulness you d o admire her very much yourself !

,

D O yo u know I thought perhaps yo u did

,
H o w yo u .

m us t envy Mr V a n d e rm a rck
.

A Slight shrug o f the shoulders and a slight low

laugh ; after which he said N O I think not I have
, , .

n o t the c o urage that is necessary .

“ ”
The courage ! why what d o yo u mean by that ?
,

I mean that a man who ventures t o love a w o man

in whom he cann o t trust has need fo r courage and for ,

patience perhaps Mr Richard V a n d e rm a rck has .

them b o th abundantly For me I think the pretty .

,

Miss Pauline would be safer as an hour s amusement ’

”
than as a life s c o mpani o n
’
.

The words stabbed killed me With an ejaculation

,
.

that could scarcely have escaped their ears I spran g ,

up and ran thr o ugh the hall and up the stairs B e .

 RIC H A R D VA N D E R M A R CK .
3

fo re I reached the landing place I kne w that some -

,

o n e was behind me I did not look or pause but flew ,

.

o n through the hall ti l l I reached my o w n door My .

o w n door was j u st at the foot o f the third flo o r stair -

way I glanced back and sa w that i t was Mr Lange

.
,
.

nau w ho was behind me I pushed o pen my door and .

went half way in the room ; then with a vehement

-

and sudden i m pulse came back into the hall and

pulled i t shut again and stood with my hand upon the
latch and waited for him to pass In an instant more
,
.

he was near me but n o t as if he sa w me ; he could

,

n ot reach the stair w ay without passing so near me

that he must touch my dress I waited till he was so .

near and said Mr Langen au

,
“
,
. .

He raised his eyes steadily to mine a n d bowed low .

I almost choked for o n e instant and then I found ,

voice and rushed o n vehemently What she has told .

vou is false every word of it is false I am n o t engaged .

t o Richard V a n d e rm a rck I never thought o f such

a thing till I came here and found they talked about ,

.t The y o u gh t to be ashamed and I will g o away ,

to m o rro w And what sh e said ab o ut my mother is a

-
.

wi cked lie as well at least in the way she meant it ;

,

a n d I s ha ll h a t e her all m life I have been mother

‘

y .

less a n d l o nely always but God has cared for me and

, ,

I never knew befo re what evil thoughts and ways there

 RICHA R D VA N DE RM A R CK .

were I am n o t ashamed that I listened though I didn t

.
,
’

mean to stay at first I m glad I heard it all and

.
’

kn o w what kind o f fri ends I have And those last .

cruel words yo u sa id I n ever will forgive you

-
,

—
never never never till I die ”
.

He had put his hand out t o ward me as if in c o n

ciliati o n at least I un d ersto o d it so I pushed it
,
.

pas si o nately away r ushed into m y room bolted the

, ,

d oor and flung myself upon the bed with a frightful

,

burst o f sobs I heard his hand upon the latch of the

.

door and he said my name se veral times in a lo w

,

voice Then he went slowly up the stai rs A n d I

. .

think his room must have been directly over mine for , ,

fo r hours I heard s o me one walking there ; indee d it ,

was the last sound I heard when havi n g cried a ll my

, ,
.

tears and vowed all my vows I fell asleep and forgot

,

that I was wretched .

 C HAPT E R VIII .

SUNDAY .

'

é m a d re d z p ens terz
’

La n o t te .

N o w t e l l m e h o w y o u a re a s t o re ligi o n ?
Y o u a re a d e a r g o o d m a n —b ut I ra t e r fe a r h
Yo u h v
a e not m uc h of it .

Fa u s t .

IT was all very w ell to talk about going away but

the matter looked very di fferently by dayli ght It .

was Sunday ; and I knew I co uld not g o away fo r a

day o r t wo and n o t even then without making a
,

horrid sort o f stir fo r which I had not the courage in

,

Cold bl o od Besides , I did not even know that I “

wanted to go if I c o uld Varick street ! H ateful.

-
,

hateful tho u ght N o I could not go there And

.
,
.

though (by d aylight ) I still d etested Mary Leighton ,

and felt ashamed ab o ut Richard and remembered all ,

Mr La n g e n a u s words (sweet as well as bitter) every

.
’
,

thing was let down a great many degrees ; from the

heights o f passion into the plains o f commonplace .

My great exciteme n t had worked its o w n cure and ,

I was so dull and weary that I did n o t even want to

think of what had passed the night befo re If I had .
 R I C !IA R D VA N D E B IIIA R C K .

a sentiment that retained any strength it was that o f ,

shame and self contempt I could not think o f myself

-
,

in any way that did n o t make me blush When how .

,

ever it came t o the mo m ent of fa cing every o n e and

, ,

g o ing down t o breakfast I began to know I still had

,

s o me other feelings .

I w a s the last to go down The bell had rung a

.

very l o n g while befo re I left my r o om I took my .

seat at the table without lo o king at any o n e tho u gh , ,

o f c o urse every o n e looked at me

,
My c o nfused and
.

rather general go o d m o rning was returned with much

-

precisi o n by all S o meb o dy remarked that I did not

.

look well S o meb o dy else remarked that w a s surely

.

because I went to bed so early ; that it never had

been kn o wn t o agree with any one Some one else .

wanted t o know why I had gone so early and that I ,

had been hunted for in all directions for a dance which

had been a sudden inspiration .

But as yo u had go ne away and the musician could

,

”
n o t be fo und we had to give it up
,
said Charlotte ,

”
Benso n and we o w e yo u b o th a gru d ge
,
“
.

“
Fo r my part I am very sorry
,
”
said Mr Lang , .

enau .
“
I had n o thought that you meant to dance
last night o r I sh o uld have stayed at the piano ; I
,

”
h Ope yo u will tell me the next time .

The n ext time will be t o morro w evening sai d ,

 RIC H A R D VA N D R RII A R C H .
87

M ary Leight o n Now Mr Langenau yo u will not

.
,
.
,

forget— o r— o r get excited about anything and go

”
away ?
I dared not look at Mr La n g e n a u s face but I a m
.
’
,

sure I should not have seen anything pleasant if I

’
had I don t know what he answered fo r I was so
.
,

co n fused I d r o pped a plate of berries which I w a s

,

j ust takin g from Kilian s han d and m ade quite an

’
,

u n c o mfortable commotion The berries were very .

ripe and they rolled in many directions on the table

,

cloth and fell o n my white dress

,
.

” ’
“
Yo ur pretty d ress is ruined I m afraid said , ,

Kilian stooping down t o save it

,
.

“
I don t care about that but I m very sorry that
’
,
’

”
I ve sta i ned the table cloth and I looked at Mrs
’ -
, .

H o llenbeck as if I thought that she would scold me

fo r it . B u t S he quite reassured me Indeed I thi n k .
,

sh e was so plea sed with me that S h e would not have ,

minded seeing me ruin all the table cloths t hat she had -
.

“
But it will make you late for church for you ll ,
’

”
have t o chan ge y o ur dress said Charl o tte Benson , ,

practically glan cing at the clock I was very thank

,
.

ful fo r the suggesti o n fo r I thought it wo uld save me

,

fro m the misery of tryi n g to eat breakfast but Kilian ,

ma d e such an o utcry that I found I coul d not go

with o ut more comments than I liked .
 Yo uhave no appetite either said Mary Leighton
,
”
.

I am ashamed to eat as much as I want for here is ,

Mr Langenau beside me who has only bro ken a roll

.
,

”
in two and d rank a cup of coffee .

“
I am not perhaps quite used t o your American
”
way of breakfasting he returned quickly
,
.

But y o u ate breakfasts when we first came said ,

the sweet girl gently .

”
“
Was not the weather cooler then ? he answere d ,
”
and I have missed my walk this morning .

“ ”
Let me give yo u some more c o ffee at any rate , ,

said S Ophie with a ffecti o nate interest

,
Indeed I .
,

think at that m o ment sh e abs o lutely loved hi m .

In a few minutes I escaped fro m the table when I

came down from my ro o m ready fo r ch u rch I fo und ,

that they were all j ust starting (Ri chard I supp o se

.
, ,

wo u ld have waited fo r me ) The church was in the

.

’
village and n o t ten minutes walk fro m the house
,
.

Kilian was carrying Mary Leighton s prayer book ’

-
,

and was evidently intending to walk with her .

Richard ca m e up t o me and said S o phie is waiting ,

to know if you will let her drive you or if yo u will ,

”
w alk .

I had n o t yet been o bliged t o S pe ak to Richard

since I had heard what people said about us and I ,

felt unc o mfo rtable .

 RICH A R D VA NDE RM A R CK
’
.
89

”
Oh let me drive if there is ro o m I said without
, , ,

looking up Sophie s a t in her little carriage waiting

.

for me Richard put me in beside her a n d then

.
,

j oined the others while we drove away Benny in

,
.
,

his white Sunday cloth es s a t at our feet ,

.

“
I think it is S O much better fo r yo u to drive said ,

“
Mrs H o llenbeck for the day is warm and I did not
.
, ,

think you lo o ked at all well this moru m

”
No I said faintly A n d sh e was s o kind I
,
.
,

l o nged to tell her everything It is frightful at seven .

teen to have no o n e to tell your troubles to .

At the gate Benny was just grumb ling about get

ti n g O ut to open it when Mr Langenau appeared a n d
,
.
,

held it open fo r us He was dressed in a flannel suit

.

which he wore for walking After he closed the gate .

,

he came up beside the carri age as Mrs Hollenbeck ,

.

very kindly invited him to do by driving slowly ,

“
Are you comi n g with us to church Mr Lan g .

enau asked Benny .

To church ? N 0 Benny I am afraid they

,
.

”
would not let me in .

“
Why yes they would if yo u had your good
, , ,

clothes o n said Benny ,

.

Mr Langenau laughed a little bitterly and said

.
,

he doubte d even then I am afraid I haven t g o t ’

'

,
.

my good conscience o n either Benny ,

.
 But the minister would never know sa id Benny ,
.

’
That s very true ; the ministers here don t know ’

much about peoples consciences I should think ’

,
.

Do ministers in any other places know any more ?

asked Ben n y with interest .

Why yes Benny in a good many countries where

, , ,

’ ”
I ve been they d o
,
.

“
Y o u are a Catholic Mr Langenau asked M rs ,
. .

Hollenbeck .

“
I once was ; I have no longer any right to sa y it
”
is my faith he answered Slowly
,
.

“ ”
What is it to be a Catholic ? i n quir ed Benny ,

gazing at his tutor s face with wonder ’

.

To be a Catholic fs t o be in a safe prison t o have

,
s

been a Catholic is t o be alone o n a se a big and bla c k

,

”
with billows Benny ,
.

”
I think I d like the pri son best said Benny who
’
, ,

w as very much afraid of the water .

Ah but if yo u co uldn t get back to it my b o y

,
’
,
.

”
Well I think I d try t o get to land somewhere
,
’
,

Benny answered stoutly ,

.

Mr Langenau laughed but rather gloomily and

.
, ,

we went o n for afew moments in silen ce The road .

was b o rdered with trees and there w a s a beautiful ,

shade The h o rse w a s very glad to be permitted t o

.

o slow n o t being of an ambitious nature

g ,
.
 R ICHA R D VA N D E R M A R C K .
91

All this time I had been leani n g back holding my ,

parasol very close over my face Mr Langenau hap . .

pened to be o n the S ide by me : once when the car

ria e had leaned suddenly he had put his hand upon
g ,

it and had touched without intending it my arm

, , ,
.

“ ”
I beg your pardon he had said and that w as all
, ,

he had said to me ; and I had felt very grateful that

B e n n y h a d been so inclined to talk I trusted that .

nobody would Speak to me for my voice would never ,

be steady and even again I was sure when he was by , ,

to listen to it .

Now however he spoke to me : co m monplace

, ,

words the same almost that every o n e in the house

,

had addressed to me that mornin g but how di fferently ,

they s o unded .

“
I am sorry that you are not well to d a y Miss -
,

”
d E st ré e
’
.

Mrs Hollenbeck at this moment began t o find

.

some fault with B enny s gloves and leaning d o wn’

, ,

talked very obligingly and earnestly with him while ,

sh e fastened the gloves upon his hands .

Mr Langenau took the occasion as it was intended

.
,

he should take it and said rather low Y o u wi ll not

, ,

refu se to see me a few moments this evenin g that I ,

may explain something to yo u

I think he was disappointed that I did n o t answer
 RI C H A R D VA NDE R M A R C K .

’
him only turned away my head But I don t kn ow
, .

in tru th what other answer he had any right to a sk .

He did not attempt t o speak again but as we turned ,

into the village said Good m o rning I must leave

, ,
-
,

you Good bye Benny since I have neither clothes

.
-
, ,

”
nor conscience fit fo r church .

S o phie laughed and said at least she h o ped he

, ,

would be home for dinner He di d n o t promise but .

,

raising his hat struck o ff into a lit t le path by the road

side that led u p int o the woods
, .

“ ”
What a pity said Mrs Hollenbeck musingly
,
.
,

“
that a man of such fine intellect sh o uld have such
”
vague religious faith .

Mr Langenau was at h o m e fo r di n ner but he did

.
,

n o t see me at that meal for my head ached so and I , ,

felt so weary that when I came u p stairs aft er church -

,

it seeme d impossible to go down again I should have .

been very glad to make the sam e excuse serve for the
re mainder of the day but really the res t and a cup o f
,

tea ha d so restored me that no excuse r e mained at six ,

’
O clock .

All families have their little Sunday habits I have ,

fo und ; the S unday rule in this h o use was to have tea ,

at half past six and t o walk by the river till after the
-
,

su n had s et ; then to come home and have sacred

music in the parlor After tea accordingly we took
.
, ,
 R ICH A R D VA ND HR AIA R C H .
93

o ur shawls o n o u r arms (it still bei n g very warm) and

walked down toward the river .

I kept beside M rs Hollenbeck and Benn y where .

,

only I felt safe .

The criticism I had heard had given me such a

Shock I did n o t feel that I ever could be careful
,

en o ugh o f what I said and did And I vaguely felt .

my mother s honor would be vindicated if I showed

’
,

myself al ways a modest and prudent woman .

“ ”
It was s o well that I heard them I kept sayi n g ,

to myself but I felt so m u Ch ol der and S O much

,

graver My silence and constraint were no doubt

.

differently interpreted Richard did n o t come up to .

me except to tell me I had better put my shawl o n

, , ,

as I sa t o n the steps o f the boat house with Benny -

,

beside me The others had walked further o n and

.

were sitting some o f them o n the rocks and some o n

, ,

the boat that had bee n drawn up watching the sun ,

go down .

“
Tell me a story said Ben ny resting his arms o n
, ,

my lap a story about when you were a little girl

,

Oh Benny that wouldn t make a pretty story

, ,
’
.

Oh yes it w o uld : all about y o ur mamma and the

, ,

house yo u used to live in and the chi ldren yo u used ,

”
to go t o see .

Dear Benny I nev er lived in but o n e Old di smal ,

94 RI C H A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

house I never went t o play with any children I

. .

”
could not make a story o u t of that .

But your mamma O yes I m sure you co uld if

.
,
’

”
you tried very hard .

“
Ah Benny ! that s the worst of a ll For my
,
’
.

mamma has been with God and the g o od angels in

the sky ever since I was a little baby and I have
, ,

”
had a dreary time with o ut her here alone .

Then I think you might tell me about God and

”
the g o od angels whispered Benny gettin g closer
, ,

to me .

I wrapped my arms aro u nd him and leaning my ,

face down upon his yell o w curls told him a story o f ,

God and the good angels in the sky .

D ear little Benny I always loved him from that

n ight
. He cried over my story that I suppose wins
everybody s heart : and we went together l o okin g at
’
,

the placid river and the pale blue firm a m e n t very far ,

int o the paradise of faith My tears dropped upon

.

his upturned face ; and when the stars came o u t and ,

we were t o ld it was time t o g o back to the h o use ,

we went back hand in ha n d firm friends for all life ,

from that Sunday night .

“
“
There is Mr La n genau said Benny ; waiting
.
,

”
fo r yo u I Sho uld think
,
.

Mr Langenau was waitin g for me at the piazza

.
 RI C H A R D VA N D E R M A R C K .
95

steps He fixed his eyes o n mine as if waiting for my

.

permission to Speak again But I fastened my eyes

.

upon the ground and holding Benny tightly by the

,

hand went o n into the hous e .

 A DAN C E .

I t is im p o ss i bl e to l o ve a n d t o be w is e .

B aco n .

Ni en te p iu t o s t o se s e c c a ch e l a g ri m e .

T H I S is w hat we must do about it said Kilian , ,

a s we sat around the breakfast table “

If you are -
.

still in a humor for the dance to night I will order -

,

Tom a n d Jerry t o be bro ught up at once and Miss ,

Pauline and I will go o u t and deliv er all the invita '

”
tions.

“
Of which there are about five said Charlotte ,

Benson . You can sp are Tom and Jerry and send

a small bo y .

“
But what if I had rath er go myself ? he said
”
,

and Miss Pauline needs the air N o w there are .

let me se e and he began t o count up the dancing

,

inhabitants o f the neighborhood .

“
Will you write notes o r shall we lea ve a verb a l
”
message at each d o or ?
“
Oh leave a verbal message by all means sai d ,

“
Charlotte B e nson, a li ttle Sharply It won t be qui te .
’
 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K
’
.
97

’
en r as Miss d E st rée doesn t know the people but
ég le , ’
,

”
s o unconventional and fresh .

“ ”
I do know them I retorte d , much annoyed , ,

conventionally at least : for they have all called upon

’
me tho ugh I didn t s e e them all But I S hall be very
,

glad if you will take my place .

Oh thank you ; I wasn t moving an amen d ment

,
’

for that end We have made our arrangements for

.

”
the morning irrespective o f the d elivery o f cards
,
.

“
I shall have time to write the notes first if Sophi e , .

”
would rather have notes sent said Hen rietta who , ,

wrote a good hand and was very fond of writing

’
people s notes for them .

Oh thank you dear ; yes perhaps it w o uld b e best,

, , ,

”
and save Pauline a n d Kilian trouble .

So Henrietta went grandly away to write her li ttle

notes : a very l arge S hip o n a very small voyage .

“ ”
And how about your music S Ophie said Kilian , , ,

who was anxious to have all business matters settled

relating to the evening .

“
Well I suppose you ha d better go for the music
,

teacher from the village ; he plays very well for danc

ing and it is a mercy to me and to poor Henrietta
, ,

who would have to be pinned t o the piano for the

”
evening if w e didn t have him
,
.
’
.

As to that, I thought we had a music teacher o f -

5
o u r o wn : can t your German be made o f a n y prae
’

tical account ? Or is he only to be looked at and

revered for his great powers ?
“ ’
I didn t en gage Mr Langenau to play for us to .

dance said Sophie

,
.

“
N o r to lounge about t h e parlor every evenin g
”
either muttered Kilian pushing away his cup o f
, ,

co ffee .

Now Mr Kilian , pray don t let o u r admiration o f

,
.
’

the tutor dri ve yo u into any bittern ess o f feeling ,

cried Charlotte Benson w ho had been treasuring up ,

a store o f little slights from Kili an “

Y o u know he .

”
can t be blamed for it poor man
’
,
.

Kili an was so much ann oyed that he di d not trust

himself to answer but rose fro m t he table and as ke d
, u ,

me if I would drive with him in half an hour .

During the drive he exclaimed ang ri ly that ,

Charlotte Benson had a tongue that would drive a

man to suicide if he came in hearing o f it daily .

Why if she were as beautiful as a goddess I could

, ,

’
never love her Depend upon it she ll never get a
.
,

”
husband Miss Pauline,
.

”
Some men like to be scolded I have heard I said , ,
.

Well then if vou ever stumble upon o n e that does

, ,

j ust call me a n d I ll run and fetch him Charlotte’

Benson .
 RICHA R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
99

The morning w a s lovely and I ha d much pleasure

,

in the drive though I had not gone with any i d ea of

,

enjoying it It was very exhilarating to drive s o

.

fast as Kilian always drove ; and Kilian himself

always amused me and made me feel at ease We .

were very companionable ; and though I could not

understand how young la di es could m a k e a h e ro o f .

him and fancy that they loved him I could quite

, ,

understand how they sh ould find him delightful and

amusing .

We delivered o u r notes at more than o n e place

, ,
'

into the hands o f tho se to whom they were addressed ,

and had many pleasant talks at the piazza steps with

young ladies whom I had not known before Then .

we went to the village and engaged the music teacher -

,

“ ”
stopped at the store and left some orders and d rove ,

t o the Post O ffice to s e e if there were letters

-
.

”
“
Haven t we had a nice morning ! I exclaime d
’

simply a s we drove up to the gate

,
.

“
Capital sai d Kilian
”
,
“
I m afraid it s been the
.
’ ’

best part of the day I wish I had any assurance that

.

the German would be half as pleasant I beg your .

’
pardon I don t mean your surly Teuton but the
, ,

dance that we propose to night ; I wi sh it had another

-

name Confound it ! there he is ahead o f us (I

. .

don t mean the Ra n ce this time you se e ) I wish he d

’
,
.
’
.
1 00 RICHA RD VA N D E R M A R C K .

t u r n back and open the gate for us Holloa .

”
there !
Kilia n woul d not have d a red call o u t if the boys ,

’
had not been with their tutor It w a s o n e o clock .
,

and they were com ing from the farm house back to -

di nner At the ca ll they all turned ; Mr Langenau

. .

stood still and told Charles to go back and open the

,

gate .

Kilian frowne d ; he di dn t like t o se e his nephew

’

ordered to d o anyt hin g by thi s unpleasant German .

While we were waiting fer the opening o f the gate ,

the tutor walked o n toward the house with Benny .

“
As we passed them , Benny called o u t Stop Uncle , ,

”
Kilian stop and take me in
, ,
Benny never was .

denied anythi ng s o we stopped and Mr Langenau

,
.

lifted him up in front o f u s He bowed without .

speaking and Benny w as the c ra t e r o f the occa

,

sion.

“
You looked as if you were having such a ni ce
’
time I thought I d like to come
,
.

“
Well we were said Kilian, with a laugh, and
, ,

then we drove o n rapidly

At the t e a t a ble Mr Langenau sai d to Sophie as he
.

“
rose to go away : Mrs Hollenbeck if there is any
.
,

serv ice I can render yo u this evening at the piano I , ,

”
shall be v e ry glad if yo u will let me know .
 RICH A RD VA NDE RM A R C K .
1 01

Mrs Hollenbeck thanked him with cordiality but

.
,

told him o f the provision that had been made .

“ ”
But you will dance Mr Langenau cried Mary ,
.
,

“
Leighton we need dancing men terribly you know
,
-
,
.

”
Promise me you ll dance ’
.

” “
Oh said Charlotte Benson
,
he has promised ,

”
me . Mr Lang enau bowed low ; he got wonderfully
.

through these awkward situation s A S he left the .

room Kilian said in a tone loud enough for us but not ,

“
fo r him to hear ,
The Lowders have a nice young
,

’ ’
gardener ; hadn t we better send to se e if he can t
”
come this evening ?
’ ”
Kilian that s going a little t o o far said Richard
, ,

“ ’
in a displeased manner ; as long as the boys tutor
conducts himself like a gentleman he deserves to be ,

”
treated like a gentleman .

“
Ah Paterfamilias thank yo u Yes I ll think of ’
’

, ,
.
,

”
. it
,
and Kilian proposed that we should leave the
table as we all seemed to have appeased o ur appetites
,

and nothing but civil war could come o f staying any

longer .

It was understood we had not much time to dress

but when I came down stairs none o f the o t hers had -
,

appeared Richard met me in the hall : he had been

.

rather stern to me all day but his manner quite soft ,

ened as he stood beside me under the hall lamp -

.
1 02 R I CH A R D VA ND E R M A R CK .

That was the result o f my lovely white mull with ,

its mint of Valenciennes .

Y o u haven t any flowers ” ’

he said Heavens ! ,
.

’ ’
who d have th o ught he d ev e r have spoken in such a
tone again after the cup of tea I poured o u t for the
,

“ ’
tut o r . Let s g o and see if we can t find s o me in ’

these vases that are fit fo r I suppose the garden s ,

’

”
robbed .

”
“
Y e s I said following him quite pleased
, ,
Fo r ,
.

I could not bear to have him angry with me I was .

really fond o f hi m dear o ld Richard ; and I lo o ked , ,

s o happy that I have no do ubt he thought more o f it

than he O ught He pulled all the pretty vases in the

.

parlor to pieces : (Charlotte and Hen rietta and his

Sister had arranged them with such ca re !) and made
me a bouquet o f ferns and tea roses and lovely lovely ,
-
, ,

heliotrope I begged him to s top but he went o n

.
,

till the fl o wers were all arranged and tied together ,

and no one came down stairs till the spoilage was -

complete .

A ll this time Mr Langenau was in the library rest — .

less pretending to read a book I saw him a s we

,
.

passed the door but did n o t look again Presently ,

.

we heard the sound of wheels .

”
“
There said Richard feeling t he weight o f ho s
, ,

hi
’
p it a lit
y upon him Sop e isn t down How like
,
her .
 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R CK .
1 03

But at the l a st moment to save appearances S Ophi e

, ,

came down the stairs and w e nt into the pa rlOr : in

dolent favored Sophie who always came o ut right
, ,

whe n things looked most against it .

In a little while the empty rooms were p e opled .

Dress improved the young ladies o f the hous e very

much and the young ladies who came were some o f
,

them qui t e pretty The gentlemen seemed to m e

.

very tiresome and not at all good looking Richard -

.

was qui te a king among them with his square ,

Shoulders and hi s tawn y moustache and his bl u e

, ,

eyes.

There were not quite gentlemen enough and Mrs ,

.

Hollenbeck fluttere d into the library to hunt up Mr .

Langenau and he presently came o u t with her He

, .

was dressed with more care than usual and suitably ,

for evening : he had the mic e attentive manner that

is such a contrast t o most young men in this country
everybody looked at him and wondered who he was .

The music teacher was playing vigorously a n d s o b e

-
, ,

fore the German was arrang ed several impetuous ,

souls flew away in waltzes up and down the room .

The parlor was a very large room It had ori gi nally .

been two rooms but had been thrown into one as

, ,

some pillars and a slight arch testified The ceiling .

was rather lo w but the many windows which O pened

,
1 04

on the piaz z a, and the un usual siz e o f the room made ,

it very pretty for a dan ce Mary Leighton and the

.

tutor were danci n g ; somebody was talking t o me, but

I only s a w that .

“ ”
How well he dances I heard some On e exclaim
,
.

I m afraid it must have been Richard whom I forgot

’

t o answer just before : fo r I s a w him t wist his yellow

moustache into his mouth and bite it ; a bad sign

with hi m .

Kilian was to lead with Mary Leighton and he ,

“
came up to where we sto o d and said to Richard I, ,

”
suppo se yo u have Miss Pauline for your partner ?
Now I had been very unhappy for some time ,

dr eading the moment but there was nothing fo r it

,

but t o tell the truth So I said I h o pe yo u are not

.
,

counting upon me fo r dancin g ? You know I cannot

”
dance !
“ ”
N o t dance ! cried Kilian in amazement ; ,

”
I never dreamed of that .

”
“
Y o u don t like it Pauline ? said Richard look
’
, ,

ing at me .

” “
Like it ! I said impatiently
,
Why I don t .
,
’

know h o w ; who d id I ever have to d ance wi th in

Varick street ? Ann Coddle o r o ld Peter ? And Uncle
-

Leonard never thought of such a thin g a s sendi ng m e

”
t o school .
 RI CH A R D VA NDE RK A R CK .
1 05

W hy d id n t yo u tell me before and we wouldn t

’

‘
,
’

have bothered about this stu pid dance said Kilian ; ,

but I think he d idn t mean it, for he enj o yed dancing

’

very much .

Richard ha d to go away for though he hated it , he ,

was needed, as they had not gentlemen enough .

The o n e o r two persons who had been introduced

to me, o n going to j o in the dance also expressed re ,

gret E ven Mrs Hollenbeck came up and said how

. .
,

sorry she was : she had supposed I danced .

But they all went away and I was left by o n e o f ,

the furthest windows with a tiresome o ld man who ,

didn t dance either, because his legs weren t stron g

’ ’

enough and who talked and talked till I asked him

,

’
n o t to ; which he didn t seem to like But to have .

to talk wit h t he noise o f the m u sic and the stir o f

, ,

the dancing and the whirl that is always going o n in

,

such a room is penance I tol d him it made m y

,
.

head ache and besi d es I couldn t hear, and so at last

,
’

he went away and I was left alone ,

.

i Sometimes in pauses o f the dance Richard came

u
p t o me and,
sometimes Kilian but it had the e ffect
o f makin g me more uncomfortable fo r i t made every ,

body turn and look at me Bye and bye I stole away .

and went on the piazza and looked in where no o n e ,

could se e me I could n o t go away en t irely fo r I w a s

.
,
*
5
I O6 RI C HA R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

fascinated by the dance I longed s o to be da n cing

.
,

and had such bitter feeli n gs because I never had been

taught After I left the ro o m I could s e e Richard
.
,

was uncomfortable he looked often at the door and ,

was n o t very attentive t o his partner No one else .

seemed to miss me Mr Langenau talked c o nstantly

. .

to Miss Lowder with wh o m he had been dancing and

, ,

never looked once toward where I had been sitting .

n ,
—
A l o g time after when they had been dancing hours
—
it seemed t o me Miss Lowder seemed to feel faint o r
tired and Mr Langenau came out with her and took
,
.
,

her u p stairs to the dressing room

- -
.

Ashamed to be seen looking in at the window I ,

ran into the library and sa t down There was a s t u .

dent s lamp upon the table but the r o om had no o ther

’
,

light I sat leaning back in a large chair by the table

.
,

with my bouquet in my lap buttoning and unbutton ,

ing absently my long white gloves In a moment I .

heard Mr Langenau come d o wn stairs alone : he had

.
-

left Miss Lowder in the dressing room to rest there : -

he came directly toward the library .

“
He came half way in the door then paused
-
May ,
.

I speak t o you he said slowly fixing his eyes on ,

mine “
I seem to be the only o n e who is fo rbidden
.
,

of those who have o ffended you and of those wh o

”
have not .
 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C R .
1 07

”
No o n e has said what yo u have I said very ,

faintly .

In an instant he was standing beside me with o n e ,

hand resting o n the table .

“ ”
Will you listen to me he said ben ding a li ttle
, ,

“
toward me and speaking in a quick low voice I did , ,

s a y what you have a right to resen t but I said it in a

moment whe n I was not master o f my words I had .

just heard s o mething that made me doubt m y senses :

and my only thought was ho w to save myself and n o t ,

to show how I was staggered by it I am a proud .

m a n and it is hard to tell you this— but I cannot bear

,

this coldness from yhu and I a s k yo u to f o rg CC e

—
”
me .

His eyes his voice had all their unconquerable in

, ,

flu e n ce upon me I bent over Richard s poor flowers

.
’
,

and p ulled them to pieces while I tried to Speak .

There was a silence during which he must have heard

,

the loud beating o f my heart I think at last he spoke ,

“
again in a lower voice Will you n o t be kind and
, ,

”
s a y that we are friends once more ?

I said something that was inaudible to him and he ,

stooped a little nearer me to catch it I made a great .

e ffort and commanded my voice and said very lo w , ,

but with an attempt to speak lightly Yo u have not ,

”
made it any better but I will forget it
,
.
1 08

He caught my hand for o n e ins t a nt then let it g o ,

as suddenly And neither of us could speak

. .

There is no position more false and trying than a

woman s when she is told in this way t hat a man
’
,

l o ves her and yet has n o t been told it ; when she must
,

seem n o t to s e e what she wo uld be an idiot n dt to se e

whe n he can say what he pleases and she must seem to
hear only s o much I did no better and no worse
.

than most women of my years would have d o ne At .

last the silence (which did not seem a S ilence to me ,

it was so full of n e w and conflicting thoughts ) was ,

bro ken by the recommencem ent of the m u sic in the

other ro o m He had taken a b o o k in hi s hands and
.

w a s turni n g over its pages restlessly .

“ ”
Why ha ve yo u not danced ? he said at last in a ,

voice that still showed agita tion .

“
I have not danced because I can t beca use I never ’
,

”
have been taught .

Y o u not taught ? it seems incredible But let me .

teach you Will you ? Teach yo u yo u would dance

.

—
by intention And would love it madly as I did
.
—
”
years a g o Come with me will you ?
.
,

Oh no I said half frightened shrinkin g back

,
”
, , , ,

—
I am not going t o dan ce ever ”
.

”
“
Perhaps that is as well he sa id in a low tone
, ,

meeting my eye fo r an instant, and telling me by that

 D
RI CH A R VA ND E RM A R CK .
1 09

sudden brilliant gleam from his that then he would ,

be spared the pain o f ever seeing me dancing with

another .

”
But let me teach you something he said after a ,

moment “ —
Let me teach yo u German will you ?
.
”

He sank do w n in a chair by the table a n d leaning fo r ,

ward repeated his question eagerly

,
.

Oh yes I sho uld like it so much— if

, ,

I f— if what ? If it could be arranged w ithout

”
frightening and embarrassing you you mean ? ,

(C
Ye s .
”

I wonder if you are not more afraid o f being

fri ghtened and embarrassed than o f any other earthly
trial There are worse things that come to us Miss
.
,

d E st rée
’
But I wil l arrange about the German
.
,

a n d you need have no terror How will I arrange ? .

—
No matter when Mrs Hollenbeck asks yo u to .

join a class in German yo u will j oin it, will yo u ,

”
not ?
Oh yes ,
.

Y o u promise
Oh anything ,
.

Anything ? take care I may fill up a check for .

”
thousands if yo u g ive a blank
,
'

“ ’ ’
I didn t give a blank ; anything about German s
”
what I meant .
 R I CH A R D VA ND E RM A R CK .

’
Ah that s safer but not half so generous And
, ,
.

’
yet you re o n e who might be gene rous I think ,
.

B ut tell me about the German class .

“ ’ ”
I ve n othing t o tell yo u about it he answered , ,

”
only that you ve pro m ised to learn
’
.

“
But where are we to say our lessons and what ,

”
books are we t o study ?
W o uld you like t o s a y a lesson now and get o n e
”
step in advance o f a ll the others ?
”
O yes I sh a ll need at least as much grace as that .

Then say this a fter me jcll will 9 1m? lt t tt m

fi
‘ ’

wa s S ic with lz lx wu Begin Bj m wills ues Iemm

’ ‘ ’
. .
(

—
ail: will a nd M A W but what does it mean ?
Oh , that is n o t important Learn it first Can yo u . .

not trust me ? s o; will g um te am wa s S ic wit h ,

1m m ) ”

3 t g
h will llt a M —
e ow ah , yo u look as if my

pronunciation were not good .

“
I was not think ing of that you pronounce very
_

well.
as : will 9 112 s lem m

so: il 3 m m ,
w l 1 1 m wa s S it wit h t eam: z— there
n ow, tell me what it means ‘

Not until you learn it ; en co re u n e f o z s

'
“ ’
.

I said it after him again and again but when I ,

a t tempted it alone I made invari ably some error

,
.

”
Let me w rite it for yo u he said and pulling a , ,
 R IC H A R D VA ND E R M A R CK .
111

book from his pocket tore o u t a leaf and wrote the

,

sentence on it “ —
There keep the paper and study
.

”
it and s a y it to me in the morning
,
.

I have the paper still ; long years have passed : it

is o nly a crumpled little yellow fragment ; bu t the
world would be poo rer and emp ti er to me if it were
destroy ed .

I ha d quite mastered the sentence saying it after ,

him word for word and held the Slip o f paper in my

,

hand when I heard steps in the hall

,
I knew .

Richard s step very well and gave a little start Mr

’
,
. .

Langenau frowned and his manner chan ged as I

, ,

half r o se from my seat and as quickly sank back in it

,

again .

”
I S it that yo u lack courage ? he said looking at ,

me keenly .

’ ”
I don t know what I lack I cried bending down , ,

“
my head to hide my flushed fac e ; but I hate to be
”
scolded and have scenes .

“
But who has a right to scold yo u and to make a
”
scene ?
“
Nobody only everybody does it all the
”
same .

“
Everybody I suppose means Mr Richard Vander
, ,
.

marck who is frown ing at you this moment from t h e

,

”
hall .
 RI CHA R D VA NDE RM A R CK .

—
And it means yo u who are frownin g at me this
”
moment from your seat .

All this time Richard had been stan d ing in the

hall ; but now he walked Slowly away I felt sure he .

had given me up The people began to come o u t o f

.

the parlor and I felt ready to cry with vexati o n

, ,

when I thought that they would again be talking

about me It was true I am afraid that I lacked
.
, ,

courage .

”
Y o u w ant me to go away ? he said fixing his ,

eyes intently o n me .

”
0 yes if you only would I said na i vely
, ,
.

He looked so white and an gry when he rose that I ,

sprang up and put o u t my hand to stop him and sa id ,

hurriedly I only meant that is —I sho uld think you

“
,
—
wo uld un derstand with o ut my telling you A woman .
-

cannot bear to have people talk about her and know ,

who she li kes and who she doesn t It kills me to have ’

.

people talk ab o ut me I m n o t used to s o ciety— I

.
’

’ —
don t know what is right but I don t think— I am ’

afraid— I ought not to have stayed in here and talked

to yo u away from all the others It s that that makes .
’

me so uncomfo rtable That and Richard t o o Fo r

.
,
.

’
I know he d o esn t like to have me pleased with any
one. Do not go away angry wit h me I don t see .
’

”
why you do not understand .
 RICH A RD VA NDE RM A R C H .
113

My incoherent little speech had brou ght hi m to his

senses .

“ ”
I am n o t goin g away angry he said in a low
,

voice I will promise not to speak to you again to

,

night Only remember that I have feeli ngs as well

.

as Mr Richard V a n d e rm a rck
. .

In a moment more I was alone Richard d id not .

come near m e nor seem t o notice me as he passed

, ,

thro ugh the hall Presently Mr E ugene Whitney

. .

came in and I was very glad to see him

, .

“ ’ ”
Won t yo u take me to walk on the piazza ? I
asked for everybody else was walking there He was
,
.

only too happy ; and s o the evening ended common

place enough .
 EV E RY DA Y FR OM S I! TO S EV E N .

S he wa n te d ye a rs t o un de s a n d rt
Th e grie f t h a t he did fe el .

Love is n o t l o ve
Th a t a l t e rs w h e re it a l t e ra ti o n fin ds .

T H I S w as how the German clas s w a s formed .

The next day as we were le a ving the dinner table

,
-
,

Mr Langenau paused a few moments by Sophie in

.
,

the hall and talked with her about the boys

,
.

”
Charley gets o n very well with his German he ,

“
observed but Benny doesn t make much progress
,
’
.

He is t o o young t o study much and v ui re s chi efly by ,

the ear I f you only had a German maid o r if you

.
,

c o uld Speak with him yourself he would make much ,

”
better progress .

“
Yes I wish I had m ore knowledge o f the lan
,

”
guage she replied ; I read it very easily but cannot
, ,

”
Speak with any fluency .

“ ”
Why will yo u never speak it with me ? he sa id .

And if you will permit me I Shall be very gl ad t o ,

read with you an hour a day I have much leisure , .

and it would be no task to me .

 R I CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K
’
.
115

I should like it very much and yo u are very kind ,

.

But it is so hard to find an hour unoccupied partien ,

la rly with s o many people in the house whom I ,

”
ought to entertain .

That is very true unless yo u can make it a source

,

o f entertai n ment to them —

Miss Benson is she not
.

”
a German scholar ? She might like to join you .

Then I th ink the clever Sophie s mind was illu

, ,
’

m in a t e d and the tutor s li t tle scheme was revealed to

’
,

“
her clear eye ; she em braced it with effusion An
admirable i d ea she said and the others too per
”
,
“
, , ,

haps w o uld j oin us if you would not mind It would

,
.

be o n e hour a day at least secure from en n u i : I Shall

have great cause to thank you if we can arrange it ,
.

Fo r these girls get s o tired o f doing nothing ; my

m ind is always o n the strain to think of an amuse
ment Charlotte ! Come here I want to ask yo u
.
,

”
something .

Charlotte Benson came a n d with her came Hen ,

rie t t a .I was sitting o n the sofa betwee n the parlor

doors and could not help hearing the whole conver
,

sation as they were standing immediately before

,

me .

“
Mr Langenau proposes to us to read an ho ur a
.

day with hi m in German What do yo u think .

”
abo ut it ?
 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R CK .

Charming said Charlotte with enthusiasm

,
I .

cannot think o f anything that would g ive me greater

pleasure Henrietta and I have read in German to
.

gether for two winters and it will be enchanting t o

,

”
continue it with such a master as Mr Langenau . .

Henrietta murmured her satisfaction and then ,

Charlotte rushed into plans fo r the course leaving me ,

in despair supposing I ha d been forgotten What

,
.

place I was to fin d in such advanced society I could

-

not well imagi n e .

Mr Langenau never turned his head in my d ire c

.

tion and talked with Miss Benso n with s o much

,

earnestness about the books into which they were t o

plunge that I could n o t c o nvince myself that all this
,

was u ndertaken solely that he mi ght teach me

German In a little while they seemed to have
.

settled it all to their satisfaction and he had turned ,

to go away My heart was in my throat Mrs Hol

. . .

le n b e ck had n o t fo rgotten me She said somethi n g

.

low t o Mr Lan genau . .

” “
“
A h true ! he said
,
But does she know any
.

”
thing o f German ? Then turning to me he said ,

“
with o n e of his d azzling sudden glances Mi ss ,

d E s t ré e we are talking of making up a German

’
,

class ; do yo u understand the language ?

“
“
No ”
,
I said meeting hi s eye for a moment I
, ,
 RI CH A R D VA NDE R IIA R C R .
117

”
have only taken o n e lesson in my life and then ,

blushed scarlet at my own audacity .

“ ”
Ah said he as if quite sorry for the disappoint
, ,

”
ment I wish you were advanced enough to join us
, .

Then Charlotte Benson quite ignoring the inter

,

r uption began to ask him about a book that she

,

wanted very much to fin d Mr Langenau had it iir . .

‘

his roo m — a most happy accident and there was a ,

great deal said about it I again w a s left in doubt of

.

“
my fate Again Sophie interposed
. We have for .

”
gotten Mary Leighton sh e said gently , ,
.

Does Miss Leighton kno w anything o f German ?

”
N o t a thing said Henr ietta
,
.

What does she know anything o f but fl irtin g ? ,

said Charlotte with asperi t y, glancing o u t into the

grounds where Kilian was murmuring softest folly to
her un der her pongee parasol .

“
Perhaps she d like to learn su ggested S Ophie
’
,
.

She and Pauline might begin together ; that is if ,

Mr Langenau would not think it t o o much trouble to

.

give them an occasional suggestion And yo u Char .

,

”
lotte I am sure could help them a great deal
, ,
.

Charlotte made no disguise o f her disincli nation to

underta ke to help them .

Mr Langena u expressed hi s willingness so un e n t hu

.

s ia s t ica ll
y that I
,
thi nk Mrs Hollenbeck was
. staggere d .
118

I s a w her glance anxiously at him a s if to know what ,

really he might mean S he concluded to interpret

.

according to the context however and went o n , ,

.

But it will be so much better for all to underta ke

it if o n e does Suppose they try and se e ho w it will
, .

”
w o rk either before o r after o u r lesson
,
.

“ ”
D e t o u t m o n occu r said Mr Langenau , as if ho w
,
.
,

ever his e mu/r had very little interest in the matter

,
.

”
Well about the hour ? said Charlotte the woman
, ,

o f business
’
we haven t settled that aft er all o ur
”
talking .

There was a great deal more o h a great deal mo re, , ,

and then it w a s settled that five in the afternoon

should be consi d ered the German hour— subject t o
alteration as circumstances should arise .

Mrs Hollenbeck very discreetly o rd ered that a be

.

ginning sho uld not be made till the next day but o n e .

The gentle m en wi ll all be here t o morrow a n d there ,

”
may be something else going on I knew very well .

sh e was afraid o f Richard and thought he wo uld n o t

,

approve her zeal for our improvement .

The first lesson was very dull work for me It was .

agreed that Mary Leighton and I should take o ur les

s o n after the o thers S itting beside them however for
, , ,

the benefit o f such crumbs o f in formation as might

fall to us .
 R ICHA R D VA AIDE RM A R CK
’
.
1 19

Mr Langenau took no special notice o f me then and

.
,

very little that was flattering when Mary Leighton

and I began o u r lesson proper M rs Hollenbeck . .
,

Charlotte and Henrietta took up their books and left

, ,

when the infant class was called I do not think Mr . .

Langenau took great pains t o make the study o f the

German ton g ue o f interest to Miss Leighton She .

w a s unspeakably bored and never even learned the ,

alphabet She was very much unused to menta l a p

.

plication undoubtedly and was annoyed at appearing

, ,

dull There was but o n e door open to her ; t o vote

.

German a bore and give up the class She made her

,
.

exit by that door o n the occasion o f the second lesson ,

a n d Mr Langenau and I were le ft to pursue o u r stud

.

ies undisturbed The rendezvous wa s the piazza in

.

fin e weather and the libra ry w ho n it was damp o r

,

clo u dy The fidelity with which the se n ro r Germans

.

gathered u p their books and left when the ir hour was ,

over was mainly d ue t o the kind thoughtfulness o f

,

M rs Hollenbeck who was always prompt, and always

.
,

found some excuse for carrying away Charlotte and

Henrietta with her when she went .

It can be imagined what those hours were to me ,

those soft golden afternoons,

Sometimes we took .

o ur books and went o u t u nder the trees to some shaded

seats, and s a t there till the mai d came o ut to call us in to

1 20 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

tea Happy happy hours in d reamland ! But what

.
,

peril to me and perhaps to him It is vain t o g o

,
.

over it all : it is enough that o f all the happy days that ,

hour from srx o cl o ck till tea time w a s the happiest : and

’ -

that with strange smoothness day aft er day passed o n ,

without bringing interruption to it At six t he o t hers .

went to ride o r walk I w a s never called , a n d di d not

even wonder at it .

All this time Richard had been going every day to

town and comi ng back by the evening train It was .

pretty tiresome work and he looked rather pale and

,

worn ; but I believe he could not stay away I some .

times felt a little sorry when I s a w how much he w a s

o u t o f spiri ts but I was in such a happy realm myself
, ,

it did not depress me lo n g : in truth I forgot it when ,

he was n o t actually before me and someti mes even ,

then “
. I do not think yo u are listening to what I
”
say ,
he said to me o n e ni ght as he sat by me in the
parlor I blushed desperately and t ri ed to listen bet
.
,

ter Ah how often it happened after that I blush

. .

a gain to think ho w much I pained him and how s i ,

le n t ly he he re it all .

The l ast days o f July were very busy ones in the

Wall street o fli ce and Richard did not give himself
-
,

a holiday till one Saturday much to be remembered

, , ,

the very last d a y o f the month I recall with peni .

 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
1 21

tence the impatient feeling that I had when Richard

,

t o ld me he was going to take the day at home I felt .

intuitively that it would spoil it all for me After .

breakfast we all played croquet and then I shut m y

, ,
'

self into my room w i t h my German bo o ks and self ,

ishly saw no o n e till dinner At dinner I was excited .

and half frightened as I always was when Mr Lange

,
.

nau and Richard were both present and both watch ,

ing me ; it was impossible to please either .

Something was said about t h e afternoon and Rich ,

ard (who all this time knew nothing o f the German

class ) said t o me evidently afraid o f some other e n
,

“
a e m e n t being entered o n I h o pe o u will drive
g g y ,

with me Pauline at five I ordered the horses when

, ,
.

I was down at the stables ; I think the afternoon is

”
going to be fine It was rather a pub lic way o f ask
.

ing o n e o u t o f so many to go and take a dri ve ; but in

truth Richard was too honest and straightforward t o
,

care who knew what he was in pursuit o f and too sore ,

at heart and t o o indifferent an actor to conceal it if he

h a d desired . But the invitation struck me with such
con sternation At five o clock ! The flo wer and con
.
’

summation of the day ! The hour that I had bee n

lo o king forward to Since seven the day befo re I
,
.

c o uld not lose it I would not go to drive I hate d

. .

Richard I hated going to drive I grew very brave

. .
,

6
1 22 RIC H A R D VA ND E R M A R CK .

and w a s o n the point o f saying that I co uld not go ,

’
when I caught Sophie s eye She made me a quick .

Sign which I d ared not dis obey I blushed cri mson

,
.
,

and did n o t l ift my eyes again but said in a lo w voice ,

that I would g o Then my heart seemed t o turn to

.

lead and all the glory and pleasure o f the day was
,
°

gone It seemed to m o of such vast importance o f

.
,

such endless duration this penance that I w a s to n u

,

d o rgo O lovers ! Foolish foolish men and women !

.
,

I w a s like a child balked o f its holiday I wanted to

—
cry I longed to get away by myself I did not dare .

t o look at any o n e .

Mr Lan genau excused himself and left the table

.
,

before the others went away A S we were leaving the .

“
table Sophie passing close by me said quite lo w
, ,
I , ,

would not s a y anything about the German class ,

Pauline And it was a great deal better that yo u

.

should g o ; yo u know Richard has n o t m any holi

”
d ays .

’
Yes but yo u don t give up all your pleasu res for
,

”
hi m,
I thought but did not say,
.

I went quickly to my room and sa w no one till I ,

’
came down stairs at five o clock I had o n a veil for
-
.
,

my face was rather flushed and my eyes somewhat ,

the worse for crying Richard w a s waiting fo r me a t

.

the fo ot o f the stairs and accompanied me silently to

,
 RIC H A R D VA ND E RM A R
’
CK .
1 23

the wagon which stood at the door A s we passe d

,
.

the parlor I could se e o n the east piazza Mr Langenau, ,

.

and C harlotte already at their books Both were so .

en grossed that they did n o t look up as we went

through the hall Fo r that Richard poor fellow !had
.
, ,

to suffer I was too unreasonable to comprehend that

.

Mr La n g e n a u s absorbed manner was a coveri n g for

.
’

his pique It was enough torture t o have to lose my

.

lesson without seeing him engrossed with some o n e

‘

else whose fate w a s happier than mine Perhaps

,
.
'

after all he was fascinated by Charlotte Benson She

,
.

was bright Clever and understood him so well She

, ,
.

admired him so much She was I was sure , half in .

,

love with him (The day befo re I had conclu d ed she

.

liked Richard very much ) That was a very d isagree .

able drive I complained o f the heat The sun hurt

. .

my eyes .

”
We can go back if yo u desire it said Richard , , ,

with a Shade of sternness In his voice stoppi n g the ,

horses suddenly after two miles of what would have

,

been ill temper if we had been marri e d but was now

-
,

perhaps only pet ulance .

“ ”
I don t desire it I said quite frightened but I
’
, , ,

do wish we could go a little faster till we get into the

”
shade .

After that there was naturally very little pleasure

,
 RI C H A R D VA N D E RM A R C K .

in conversation I felt an gry with Richard and

.

ashamed of myself For him I am afrai d his feelings

.
,

were very bitter and his silence the cover of a sore

,

heart We had started to take a certain drive ; we

.

both wished it over I suppose but both lacked cour

, ,

age to shorten it o r go home before we were expected

,
.

There was a brilliant sunset but I am sure we did n o t ,

se e it : then the clouds gathered and the twilight ca me

on and we were n early home .

”
Pauline said Richard hoarsely n o t looking at
, , ,

me and insensibly slackening the h o ld he had upon

,

the reins ; will yo u let me say something t o you ?

I want to gi ve you some advice if yo u will listen to ,

”
me .

”
“
I d on t want anybody to a d vise me I said in
’
,

’
alarm and I don t know what ri ght yo u have t o ex
e c t me to listen to you Richard unless it is that I
p , ,

’
am your guest ; and I shouldn t think that was any
’
reaso n why I should be made to listen to what isn t
pleasant to me .

The horses Starte d forward from the su d d en ,

emphasis of Richard s pull upon the reins ; and that

’

was all the answer that Lhad t o my most un jus t ifiable

words N o t a syllable was spoken after that ; and in
.

a few moments we were at the house Richard .

silently han d ed me o u t if I ha d been thinking about

 R IC HA R D VA N DE RM A R CK
.
1 25

him I sho uld have been frightened at the expression

of his face but I was not : I was only thinki n g— that
,

we were at home and that I was going t o have the

,

happiness of meeting Mr Langenau

. .
 C HAPT E R X I .

’
SO P H I E S W OR K .

A t
n a u re h lf t f m d wi t h qu l i ti es
a ra n s o r e ,
a

Th at o ft b t y d
e ra h th l m ts
e ea c o e r, e e en

N o t bl e n t , bu t s t ruggli n g ,
b re e di n g g e e ffe cts
s t ra n

P i g th
as s n e re c k o n in g o f h is fri e n ds o r fo e s .

Geo rg e E lio t .

H ig h m i d f t iv p id d f
n s o na e r e an o rc e

M os t d pl y f l t hy p
ee g m
ee ! an s , re o rs e

Fe a r f th i
or g m vill i h v
e r s co u r e, ea n a ns a e,

T h o u a rt t h e t o rt ure r o f t h e b ra ve .

S co t t .

T H IS w a s what Sophie had done : She had invoked

forces that she could not control and she felt as , ,

people are apt to feel when they watch their monster

growi n g into strength a little fri ghtened and a little
,

sorry No doubt it had seemed to her a very small

.

thing to favor the folly of a girl o f seventeen fa scin a t

, ,

ed by the voice and manner o f a nameless stranger it

was a fo lly most manifest but She had nothing to do ,

with it and was not responsible ; a very small thing to

,

allow and to encourage what doubtless she flattered

, , ,

herself her disco ura gement co uld n o t have subdued

,
.
 R I CH A R D VA ND E R M A R CK .
1 27

It was very natural that S he Should not wish Richard

t o marry any one she was not more selfish than most

sisters are Most sisters d o not like t o give thei r

.

bro thers up She would have to gi ve up her home

.

(one o f her ho m es that is

) as
,
well She
,
d id n o t
.

think Richard s choice a wise o n e : sh e was not s ub

’

je c t to the fascination o f outline and coloring that had

subjugated him and she felt S i ncerely that she was

,

the best ju d ge If Richard must marry (though in

.

think i n g of her own married life She could not help

,

wondering why he must) let him marry a woman who

,

had fortune or position o r talent Of course there

, ,
.

was a chan ce that this o n e might have money but ,

that wo uld be according to the caprice o f a selfish o ld

man who had never b een known t o S how any a ffe c
,

tion for her .

But money was not what Richard wanted : his

Sister knew much better what Richard wanted than ,

he knew himself He wanted a clever woman a w e

.
,

man w ho would keep him before the world and rouse

him into a little ambition about what people thought
of him Sophie was disappointed and a little fri ght
.

ened when she found that Richard did not give up

the outline and coloring pleasantly She had tho u ght .

he w o uld be di sillusionized when he found he was

,

thrown over fo r a German tutor who could sing ,

.
1 28 RI C IL4RD VA ND E RM A R CK .

She had n o t co u nted upon seeing him look ill and

worn and finding him stern and silent to her ; to her,
,

of whom he had always been s o fond She fo und he .

was taking the -matter very seriously and sh e almost ,

wished that She had not meddled with the matter .

— —
And this German t utor who could sing well it ,

w as strange b ut he was the worst feature o f her

,

Frankenstein and the o n e at which she felt most sorry

,

and most frightened Richard was very bad to be .

,

sure but he would no d o ubt get o ver it : and if it all

,

“
came out well s he would be the gainer A s to this
,
.

”
girl for whom his heart w a s sick she had no manner ,

o f patience with her o r pity for her .

“
She must su ffer : so do all she would undoubt
e d ly have a hard fut u re no matter to which o f these
,

men who were so absurd about her Fate finally a c ,

corded her : hard if she marri ed Richard without

,

loving him (nobody knew better than S o phie h o w hard

that sort of marriage was) ; hard if s he married the ,

German t o su fle r a lifetime o f pove rty and ill temper

’

-
,

and j ealo us fury B ut about all that S Ophie did not

.
,

care a straw She knew how m u ch w o men could

.

live through and it seemed t o be their business to be

,

wretched .

But this man ! And she could not gain anythin g

by what he suffered with his dangerous nature his
, ,
 RICHA R D VA ND E R M A R CK .
1 29

un governable jealousy his possi bly involved and n u

,

kn o wn ante cedents ; what was to become of him in ,

case he could not have this girl o f whom Six weeks

ago he had not heard ? A pretty candidate to present
”
’

“
to m o n o n cle o f the Wall street o ffice fo r the hand-
,

o f the you n g lady truste d to their hospitality— a very

— —
pretty candidate a German tutor who could sing .

If he t o ok her it was to be feared he would have to

,

take her without more dowry than some very heavy

irn pre ca t io n s
. But could he take her even thus ? ,

Sophie had some very strange m isgivings This man .

was desperately unhappy : was suffering frightfully :

it made her heart ache to se e the haggard lines deep
e n in o n his face to se e his colorless lips and restless
g ,

eyes S he was sorry fo r him as a woman is apt to be

.
,

s o rry for a fascinating man And then she w a s .

”
frigh tened for he was no carpe t knight so trim to
, ,

whom cognac and cigars and time would be a balm

, ,

t hi s man was essentially dramatic a dangerous char ,

acter an article with which she was unfamiliar He

,
.

w a s frantic abo ut thi s silly girl that was plain to se e .

W hy then was he so wretched seein g she was as irra ,

t io n a lly in love with him ?

”
If it only comes out right she sighed di strustfully
.

many times a day She resolved never to interfere

.

with anything again bu t it came rather late seeing

, ,
l
><
6
1 30 R ICH A R D VA N D E R M A R C K .

she probably had d one the g reatest mischief that she

ever would be permitted to have a hand i n while she
lived She made up her mind n o t to think anything
.

about it but unfortu n ately fo r that plan she could

, , ,

not get o u t o f sight of her work If she had been a .

man she would probably have go ne to the A di ro n

,

dacks B ut being a woman she had t o stay at home

.
,

and s it down am o ng the tangled skeins w hi ch she had

not skill to straighten .

“ ”
If it only comes o u t right she sighed again , ,
‘
“
the evening of that most unc o mfo rtable drive If it
”
o nly comes o u t right But it did n o t look much
.

like it .

I had g o ne directly in to tea and so ha d Richard ,

.

’
Richard s face silenced and depressed everybody at the
table ; and Mr Langenau did n o t come
. .

There is g o ing to be a terrible sh o wer said some ,

o n e and before the sentence was ended there was a

, ,

vivid flash o f lightning that made the candles

pale .

“
How rapi dly it has come up said S Ophi e Was ,
.

the Sky black when yo u came in Richard ,

”
I d o not kn o w said Richard and nobody doubted
, ,

that he told the tru t h .

“
It had begun to darken befo re we came up fro m
the river said Charlotte Benson
,
The clouds were .
 R ICH A R D VA N D E R IUA R CK .
1 31

rising rapidly as we came in It will be a fearful .

”
tempest .

”
Are t he windows all shut ? said S Ophie to the
servant .

I Should think s o exclaimed Kilian The hea t ,

.

”
is horrid .

Y e s it is suffocating said Richard getting up

, , ,
.

As he went out o f the dining room some o n e I -

, ,

“
think Henrietta said Well I hope Mr Lan genau
, , ,
.

will get in safely ; he was o u t o n the ri ver when we

were on the hill .
’

The storm was so sudden and s o furious that every

body was concerned a t hearing this ; even Kilian
made some exclamation o f alarm .

“
Does he kno w anything about a boat he asked
o f Richard who had paused in the doorway hearing
, ,

what w a s said .

I have no idea said Richar d shortly but he did , , ,

not go away .

“
It isn t the sail boat that he has o f co urse said
’ -
, ,

Kilian thoughtfully
,
He always goes o u t to row .
,

”
I believe .

“ ’
“
Why no said Charlotte Benson he s in the
, , ,

’
sail boat don t yo u remember saying Henrietta how
-
, ,

bright the gleam o f the sunset w a s o n the s a il and all ,

”
the water was so dark ?
1 32 RIC H A R D D
V A N E RM A R C K .

Kilia n ca m e t o his feet very suddenly at these

words .

“ ”
That s a bad business he said quickly to hi s
’
,

’
brother I ve n o idea he can manage her in such a
.

”
squall .

S o phie gave a little scream and Charlotte and ,

Henrietta both grew very pale as a fri ghtfu l shock o f ,

thunder foll o wed The wind w a s furious and the .

,

unfastened shutters in various parts o f the house

sounded like s o many reports O f pistols and in an ,

instant the whole force o f the rain fell s u ddenly and at

once upon the windows S o mewhere some glass was .

shattered and all these sounds added to the sense o f

,

dan ger and t he darkness w a s so great and s o sudden

, ,

that it was difficult to realize that half an ho u r before ,

the sunset could have whitened the sails o f a boat

upon the ri ver .

I m afraid it s too late to d o n ru ch n o w said Kil

’ ’
,

ian stopping in fro nt o f his brother in the doorway

,
.

“
What s the use o f talking in that way returned
’
,

Richard in a hoarse lo w voice If yo u ha v n t more

,
.
’

sense than to talk so befo re women you can stay at ,

”
home with them he continued striding across the , ,

hall a n d picking up a lantern that stood in a c o rner

,

near the door Charlot t e Benson caught up o n e o f

.

the candles from the table, and ran t o him and lit the
 RICH A R D VA ND R R H A R C H .
33

lamp within the lantern Sophie threw a cloak over.

Kilian s shoulders and Henrietta flew to carry a mes

’
,

sage to the kitche n Richard pulled a bell that was

.

a signal t o the stable (the sta ble was very near the
house) and in almost a m o ment s time t wo men be
,
’
,

side Kili an were followi n g him o u t into the tempest

, .

We s a w their lanterns flicker for an instant and then ,

they were swallowed up in the darkness The fury of .

the st o rm increased every moment The flashes of .

lightning were but a few seco n ds apart and the roll ,

o f thunder was incessant Every few moments above .

,

this contin ued r o ar would come a n appallin g crash

,

which s o unded just above our heads The children .

were screaming with fear the servants had come into ,

the hall and seemed in a helpless sort o f panic Sophie .

was v ery pale and Mary Leight o n clung hysterically

to her Charlotte Benson was the o nly one who
.

seemed to be self possessed enough to h ave done any

-

thing if there had bee n anything to do But there

,
.

was not All we could do was to try to behave our

.

selves with fortitude in view o f the pers o nal danger ,

and with composure in V i ew o f that o f others .

Presently there came a lull in the tempest and we ,

began to breathe freer ; so m e o n e went to the door

and opened it A gust o f cold wind swept through
.

the hall and put out the lamp at which the chil ,
1 34 R IC H A R D VA ND E RM A RC K .

dren and Mary Leighton renewed their cries of

The respite in the tempest was but temporary ; be

fo re the lamp was relit and order restored the storm ,

had burst agai n upon us This was if anything fie rc e r

.
, , ,

’
but sh o rter lived After fifteen o r twenty minutes
.

rage it subsided almos t utterly and we could hear it

, ,

taking itself o ff across the heavens I suppose the .

wh o le storm , from its beginning to its end had not ,

O ccupied more than three quarters of an hour but it ,

had seemed much longer .

We were very glad to O pen the d o or and let the

co o l d amp air into the hall The children were taken
,
.

u
p
-
stairs consoled
,
with the promise that word S h o uld
be sent to them when their uncles sh o uld return .

The servants went feebly o ff to their domain ; o n e

was sent to s weep the piazza fo r t he rain had beaten ,

in s u ch torrents upon it that it was impossible to walk

there till it should be brushe d away Wrapped in
,
.

their Shawls H enrietta an d Charlotte Benson walked

,

up and down the space that the servant swept and ,

watched and listened for a long half hour I to o k a -

.

cloak fro m the rack and leaning against the door post
,
-
,

stood and listened silently .

From the direct ion of the river there was no t hing

to be a fie a rd There was still distant thunder but
.
,
 R IC H A R D VA N D E R M A R CK .
J1 3 5

that was the only soun d that and the dripping of ;the
,

rain o ff the leaves of the drench ed trees The wnd

i
.

was almost Silent and in the spaces o f the brdke n

,

clouds there were occasional faint stars A fin e

‘

.
,

young tree uprooted by the tempest lay across the

, ,

carriage way before the house its t opmost branches

-
,

resting o n the steps o f the piazza : the grass was

strewed with leaves like autumn and the paths were ,

simply pools o f water Sophie more than once came

.
, ,

to the door and begged us to come in for fear o f the

, ,

damp n ess and the c o ld but no o n e heeded her sug

,

gestion E ven sh e herself came o u t very o ften and

.
,

looked and listened anxiously Fi n ally my ear caught .

a sound : I ran down the steps and bent forward ,

eagerly There was some o n e coming along the

.

garden path that led up fro m the river I could hear

-
.

the water plashing as he walked and he was co m in g ,

rapidly In a moment the others heard it too and

.
,

starting to the steps stood still and waited breath

, ,

lessly He had no lantern for we could have seen

.
,

that ; he was alm o st at the steps before I could re

c o gnize him It was Richard I gave a sm o thered
. .

cry and springing fo rward held o u t my hands to

, ,

stop him .

“ ”
Tell me what has happene d He put aside my .

hands and went past me without a second look

,
.
 RICHA R D D
VA N E R M A R C K .

There has nothing happened but what he can tell ,

”
o u when he c o mes he said as he strode past me up
y , ,

the steps and o n into the ho use Then he was alive

,
.

to tell me : the reaction w a s a little too strong for me ,

and I s a t down on the steps to try and recover myself ,

for I w a s ill and giddy .

In a few moments more more steps sounded in the ,

d istance this time slowly several persons coming to

, ,

gether I started a n d ra n up the s t eps I don t ex

.
,
’

a ct l know why and stood behi n d the others who

y , ,

were crowding d o wn servants and a ll to hear what

, ,

was the news Kilia n came fir st very d renched and

.
, ,

spattered and subdued looking then Mr Langenau

, ,
.
,

leaning upon o n e o f the men very pale but making , ,

an attempt to smile and speak reassuringly to Sophie ,

who met him with looks o f great alar m It evidently .

gave him d rea 0 move and when he reached ,

the house he was quite Charlotte Benson

place d a chair into which they supported him
,
.

“ ”
R un Pauline and get some brandy said Sophi e ,
, , ,

putting a bunch o f keys into my hand without look

in g at me .

When I came back with the glass o f brandy he ,

was c o nscious again and looked at me and took the

,

glass from my hand The other man had been sent

.

fo r the doctor from the village who was expected ,

 RICH A R D VA N D HRH A R C R .
1 37

every moment a n d Mr Langenau who was now re

,
.
,

vi ve d by stimulants was quite reassuring and a t

, ,

tempted to laugh at us fo r being so much frightened .

Then t he young ladies curiosity got the better o f

’

their terror and they clamored for the history o f the

,

past two hours This history was given them prin

.

ci a ll by Ki lian I cannot repeat it satisfactorily for

p y .
,

the reason that I don t know anything about jibs and

’
,

bo w sprits and masts and centre boards and I did not

, ,
-
,

un d erstand it at the time ; but I recei ved en o ugh o u t

o f the mass of evidence presented in that language ,

to be sure that there had been considera ble danger,

and that everybody had behaved well In fact .
,

Kili an s chan ged manner toward the tutor o f itself

’

was quite e nough to Show that he had behaved un e x

p e ct e d l y well.

The u nvarn ished and u n bo w sprit t e d and u njrb

bo o m ed tale was pretty much as follows Mr Lan gena u .

had foun d hi mself in the middle o f the r iver when the ,

storm came o n I a m afraid he could n o t have been

.

thi nking very much about the clouds n o t to have no ,

ticed that a st o rm was rising though every o n e agreed

that they had never known anything like the rapidity
o f its coming u Before he knew what he was ab o ut
p .
,

a Squall struck him and he had great d i fficulty to

,

right the boat Then f llowed a good deal about

(
-
. o
1 38 RI CH A R D VA NDE RM A R C K .

lu fli n g and tacking and keeping her ta ut t o wind

ward ; that is I think that was where h e wante d to
,

keep her ) But whatever it w a s he didn t succeed in

.
,
’

doing it a n d Kilian vouchsafed t o say nobody could

,

have done it Then something split I really can not

.

s a y whether it w a s the mast o r the bowspri t o r the , ,

centre board but whatever it w a s it hurt Mr Lange

-
, ,
.

nau s o much that for a moment he was stunned And .

then Kilian cannot s e e why he wa sn t drowned ’

.

When he came to himself he w a s still hol di ng the rud

d e r in his hand .

The other a rm w as useless from t he falling o f —this

thing that Split— up o n it And so the boat was .

flo unde ring about in the gale till it g o t righte d and ,

it was Mr La n g e n a u s presence o f mind that saved

.
’

him and the boat for he never let go the rud d er and
, ,

controlled her as far as he could th o u gh he did n o t ,

know where he was going the blackness w a s so great , ,

and the flashes did n o t Show him the Shore a n d he

was like o n e placed in the midst o f a frightful s e a
wakened o u t o f a d ream owing to the blow and the,

unconsciousness which followed .

Then Richard came upon the stage as he re ; he and

o n e o f the men had g o ne o u t in the o nly boat at hand ,

a very small o n e toward the speck which by the

, , ,

flashes of lightning he s a w o u t upori the river It was

,
.
 RICHA R D vA ND E R M A R C H .
1 39

almost impossible to overhaul her and it could not ,

have been done at the rate She was going o f course ; ,

but then occurred that accident which rendered Mr .

Langenau unconscious and which brought things to a

,

standstill for a moment Kilian said we di d n o t kno w

.

anything about the storm up here at the house ; that

m o re than o n e tree had been struck withi n a few feet

o f him o n the shore .The river was su rg in g ; t he wind ,

was furious ; n o o n e could imagine what it was who

had not witnessed it and he for his part never ex
, , ,

p e c t e d to s e e Richard come back t o land But Rich.

ard did come back and brought back the disabled

,

sail boat and the injured man That was the end o f
- .

the st o ry ; which thrilled us a ll very much as we knew ,

the hero es and had o n e o f them before us ghastly

, ,

pale but uncomplaining .

It seemed as if the doct o r ne ver would come ! We

were women and we naturally looked to the comin g
,

o f the doctor as the end o f all the trouble It was .

impossible to make the poor fell o w comfortable He .

could n o t lie down he could not move without e x cru

,

c ia t in
g pain ,
and very frequently he grew quite faint .

Charlotte Benson and Sophie ad m i ni stered stimulants

endeav o red to ease his p o siti o n with pillows and fo ot
stools ; a n d did all the n ameless soothing acts that
efficient and good nurses alone understand ; while I ,
1 40 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

paralyzed and m ute st o od aside scarcely able to bear

, ,
,

the sight of his sufferings I am sorry to sa y I don t

.
,
’

think he cared at all to have me by hi m He was in .

s u ch pain that he cared only fo r the attendance o f

those who coul d alleviate it in a m easure ; and the
strong firm hand and the skilled touch were more to
him than the presence o f o n e who had nothing but
excited and unavailin g sympathy to o ffer It w a s .

rather a stern fac t walking into my dreamland , this .

By and bye Kilian went away to take Off his w e t

clothes and he did not come back again but sent
, ,

down a message to his sister that he was very tired

and should go to bed but if he were wanted fo r any
,

thing he could be called This was not heroic o f

.

Kilian but after the manner of men he was apt to

, , ,

keep away from the sight o f disa greeable thi ngs .

After all he could not do much go o d but it w as

, ,

something to feel there was a man to call upon besid e s ,

Patrick who was stupid ; and I saw Charlotte

,
“

Benson s lip curl when Ki lian s me ssage w as brought

’ ’

down .

“
Richard w a s in his room : we a ll thought he ha d
done enough for o n e night and had a right t o rest
,
.

At last after the most weary waiting wheels were

, ,

heard and the doctor drove up to the door The se r

, .

v ants had begun to look very sleepy Mary Leighto n .

 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R CK .
1 41

had slipped awayto her room and Sophie had told ,

Henri etta and me to go for we were really of no ,

earthly use We did n o t take her advice as a compli

.

m ent and did n o t go

,
Henrietta opened the door for
.

the doct or which was doi n g something thou gh not

,

much as two o f the maids stood prepared t o do it if

,

sh e did not .

The doctor was a reassuring quiet man and became , ,

a pillar o f stren gth at once Aft er talkin g a few .

moment s with Mr Langenau a n d pulling and.

,

twisting him rather ruthlessly he walked a little away ,

with Sophie and t old her he wanted him g e t at once

,

t o his room and he should n eed the assistance o f o n e

,

o f the gentlemen Wo uld not Patrick d o ? Besides

.

Patrick Mr La n g e n a u s shoulder was dislocated

. .
’
,
.

badly and it must be s e t at once It was a painful

, .

operation and he needed help I was within hea ring .

o f this and I was in great alarm

,
Sophie looked so .

t o o and I don t think she liked d isagreeable things

’
,

any better than her brother but she was a woman , ,

and could n o t Shirk them as he could .

”
Pauline she said fin ding me at her side as she
, ,

turned, run up and tell Richard that he must come

down quick Tell him how it is and that he must
,
.
,

”
make haste .

I ran up the stairs breathlessly but feeling all the ,

1 42 R I CHA R D VA ND E R M A R CK .

time that it was rather hard that I must be sent to

Richard with this message Sophie did n o t want to .

ask him t o come down herself a n d she thought me ,

the most lik ely ambassa d or to bring him but it was ,

n ot a congenial embassy Perhaps however she .

, ,

only asked me because I happened to be nearest

her and she w a s rather upset by what the doctor
,

sai d .

I kn ocke d at Richard s d oor ’

.

”
Well ?
Oh they want you to come down st airs a minute
,
-
.

There s something to be done panting and rather

’
,

incoherent .

What is to be d one ?
The Doctor s here a n d he sa ys he must have
’
,

”
h e lp .

“ ’
Where s Kilian ?
”
Gone to bed .

Some suppressed ejaculation a n d he pushed back ,

his chair and rose and came across the roo m : at

, ,

least it sounded so a n d I ran down the stairs again

, .

He followed me in a moment The Doctor came for .

ward and talked to him a little while and the n ,

Richard called Patrick and told Sophie to see that ,

Mr La n g e n a u s room was ready

.
’
.

How ca n he get up two pairs o f stairs sai d ,

 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
1 43

Charlotte Benson ; when he cannot move an inch

”
without such su fferi n g ?
“ ” “
That s very true the Doctor said
’
I doubt if
,
.

”
he could bear it Y o u have n o room below ?
.

“
Put a bed in the library said Charlot te Ben son ,
”
,

and in ten minutes it was done ; the servants no

longer sleepy when they had any definite order to
fulfill .

“
In the meantime sai d Richard to his sister , ,

”
send those two to bed poin t ing out Henrietta and ,

me .

“ ’ ” ’
I ve told the m to go but they won t sa id Sophie , , ,

somewhat sharply .

Henrietta walked o ff rather injured but I would , ,

not go .

Mr Langenau had another faint attack and I was

.
,

qui te certain he would die Charlotte was making .

hi m breathe s a l vo la t ile and Sophie ran to rub his

hands The Doctor was busy at the light about
.

something .

“ ”
The room is all ready said the servant ,
.

”
Very well ; now Mr Richard if yo u please the .
, ,

Docto r said
“
Pauline said Richard coming to me as I stood
, ,

at the fo ot of the balusters Y o u can t d o any goo d ,

’
.

’ ”
You d better go u p stairs -
.
 R ICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

” “ ’
Oh Richard I cried I think you re very cruel ;
, , ,

”
I think you might let me stay
I suppose my wretchedness and youthfulness and , ,

“
folly soft ened him again and he said very gen tly I
, , ,

don t mean to be unkind but it is best fo r yo u to go

’
,
.

Y o u need n o t be so fri ghtened : there isn t any ’

”
d anger .

I moved slowly to obey him but turned back and ,

caught his han d and whispered You won t let them ,

’

”
hurt him Richard ? and then ran up the stairs No
,
.

d o ubt Richard th o ught I went t o my o wn room but

I spent the next hour on the landin g place looking -
,

d o wn int o the hall .

It was rather a serious matter getting Mr Lan ,

.

genau even into the library and it was well they had ,

n o t attempted his o w n room Patrick was called and .

,

’
with his assistance and Richard s he began to mo ve ,

across the hall But half way to the library do or he

.
- -
,

fainted dead away and Richard carried him a n d laid

,

him o n the bed Patrick being worse than u seless hav

, ,

ing lost his head and the D octor being a small man
, ,

a n d only strong in science .

Pretty s o on the library door closed and Sophie and

-
,

Charl o tte were excluded They walked abo ut the .

hall talking in low to n es and looking anxious

, ,
.

Later there came groaning from within the closed

,
 RICH A R D VA N DE RM A R CK .
1 45

door and Charlot te Benson wrung her hands and

,

listened The groans continued fo r a long while : the

.

misery o f hearing them After a while they ceased

then Richard opened the door hastily it seemed and , , ,

“ ”
called S o phie .

S Ophie ran for w ard and the door closed again ,

.

There was a l o ng S ilence time en o ugh for those w ho

,

were outside to imagine a ll manner of horrid po ss ibil

ities Then the Doctor and Richard came out
. .

“ ”
How is he Doctor ? ,
said Charlotte Benson ,

bravely going to meet them while I hung trembling

,

over the landing place -

.

”
“
Oh better better very comfortable sai d the D e c
, , ,

tor in his calm professional tone

,
.

I c o uld not help thi nking those groans ha d not

denoted a very high state of comfo rt ; but maybe the
D octor knew best ho w p eople with dislocated shoul
ders and broken ribs are apt to express their senti
ments of satisfaction .

I listened with more than interest to their plans fo r

the ni ght : the Doct o r was go ing away at once ; t w o
o f the servants and Patrick were t o relieve each other

in sitting by him while Richard was to throw himself

,

o n the sofa in the hall to be at hand if anything were

,

needed .

“ ”
Which means that you are to be a wake a ll n ight
, ,

7
1 46 RI CH A R D VA N DE R M A R C K .

said Charlotte Benson You have more need o f

.

”
rest than we Let S Ophie and me take your place
. .

Richard looked gratefully and kindly at her but re ,

f used The D octor assured them again that there was

.

no reason for anxiety ; that Richard w o uld probably

be undisturbed all night that he himself wo uld come
early in the morning Then Richard came toward
.

the stairs and I escaped to my o w n room

,
.
 C HAPT E R X II .

P R H M ON I TU S , P R E M UN ITU S .

Th e fie n d wh o se l a n t e rn lig h ts t h e m e a d,
W e re be t ter m a te t h an I

Fo o l s, wh e n t h e y c a nno t se e t hi
e r w a y,
A t o n ceg ro w d e s pe ra t e ,

H a ve n o re s o urc e —h a ve n o t h i n g t o p ro p o se

B u t fix a d u ll e y e o f di s m a y
U p o n t h e fin a l c l o s e .

S uc ce ss t o t h e sto u t he a rt , s a y I,
Th a t se es it s fa t e ,
a n d ca n d e fy !
F a u st .

Tw o weeks later and things had n o t stood still ;

,

they rarely d o when there is so much at hand and

, ,

ripe fo r mischief ; seventeen does not take up the

practice o f wis d o m volun tarily I do not think I was .

very di fferent fro m other girls o f seventeen and I ,

can not blame myself very m u ch that I spent all these

days in a dream o f bliss a n d folly ; ho w could it have
been otherwise situated exactly as we were
,
This is
the way o ur days were passed Mr Langenau was . .

better but s t ill n o t able to leave his room He was

,
.
1 48 R IC H A R D VA JVD E R M A R C K .

the hero as a matter o f cour se and little besides

, ,

his sufferings his condition and his prospects was

, , ,

talked of at the table which had the effect o f making

Kilian stay away two nights o u t o f three and of alien ,

ating Richard altogether Richard went to town o n .

Monday morning after the accident occurred a n d it ,

was n o w Friday o f the fo llow ing week and he had ,

n o t c o me back .

It was a little dull for Mary Leighton and for

Henrietta perhaps ; possibly fo r Charlotte Benson but
, ,

She did n o t seem to m i nd it much and I had never

found R so enchanting as that fo rtnight Char .

lotte Benso n liked t o be Fl o rence Nightingale in

little it was very plain and nat u rally nothi ng made
,

m e s o happy as to be permitted to mini ster t o the

wants o f the (it must be confessed) frequently u n

reasonable su fle re r Fo r the first few days while he
'

.
,

was confined to his be d of c o u rse C harl o tte and I ,

were obliged to content o urs elves with the sen din g

o f messages the arranging o f b o uquets the conc o cting
, ,

o f soups and j ellies and all t he o ther coddling proc o s

,

s e s at our com m and But when Mr Langenau was . .

able t o sit up Sophie (at the instan ce o f Charlotte

,

Benson for she seemed to have ren o unced di plomacy

,

herself ) arranged that the bed should be taken away

,

during the daytime and brought back again at n ight

, ,
 R ICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
1 49

and that Mr Langenau should lie o n the sofa

.

through the day This made it possible for us to be

.

in the room even without Sophie though we began

, ,

to think her presence necessary That scruple was .

s o on done away with fo r it laid t o o great a tax o n

,

her and restricted o u r attentions very much The

,
.

result was we passed nearly the wh o le day beside

,

him ; Mary Leighton and Henrietta very often of the

party and S Ophie occasionally looking in upon us
,
.

S o metimes when C harlotte Benson as ranking officer , ,

decreed that the patient needed rest we took o u r ,

bo o ks and work and went to the piazza outside the ,

wind o w of his room .

He would have been very tired o f us if he had not ,

been very much in love with one o f us As it was it .

,

must have been a kind o f fo ol s paradise in which he ’

lived five pretty women fluttering about him o ffering

, ,

the prettiest homage and one o f them the woman fo r

,
.

wh o m wisely or fo o lishly rightly o r wrongly he had

, , ,

c o nceived so vi o lent a passion .

As so o n as he was out o f pai n and began to rec o ver

the t o ne o f his nerves at all I saw that he wanted me
,

beside him more than ever and that C harlotte Bens o n

, ,

with all her skill and cleve rness was as nothing to him ,

in c o mparison No doubt he dissembled this with

.

care ; and was very graceful and very grateful and in

1 50 R I OH A R D VA M E RM A R OK .

finitely interesting H is moo d s were very varyi n g

.
,

however ; sometimes he seemed struggli n g with the

most unconquerable d epression then we were all so ,

sorry fo r him ; sometimes he was excited and brilliant ;

then we were all thrilled with a d mirati o n And not .

u nfrequently he was irritable and quite mor o se and

sullen And then we pitie d and a d mire d and feared

.
, ,

him it la f o i s I am sure n o man m o re fitted to co m

.

mand the love and admirati o n o f women ever lived .

C harlot t e Benson with great self devoti o n had in -

sisted upon teaching the children fo r two ho u rs every

day so that Mr Lan genau might n o t be ann o yed at t he
,
.

thought that they were l o sing time and that Sophie ,

might not be inc o nvenienced It was t h e least t hat .

sh e c o uld d o sh e reas o ned after the man y lessons that

, ,

Mr Langenau had g iven u s with so much kindness

.
, ,

and without accepting a return H enrietta v o lu n .

teered fo r the servi c e als o and fro m eleven to one

’

, ,

every day the b o vs were caught and cage d and made ,

to drink at the fo untain o f learning o r rather t o a p

proach that fo untain of which forty Charlottes and
,

Henriettas could n o t have made them d ri n k .

At that time Charl o tte always de creed that Mr .

Langenau should lie on the s o fa and go to sleep T he .

windows were d arkened and the r o om was cleared of

,

visit o rs On this Fri d ay morni n g nearly two weeks

.
,
 RI CH A R D VA N DE R M A R 0K .
1 51

after the accident as I was following S o phie fro m the

,

room (Charlotte having gone with Henrietta to cap

ture the children) Mr Langenau called after me
,
.

“ —
rather imperiously Miss d E s t rée Miss Pauline ’
,

It had b een a storm y session and I turned back ,

with misgivings Sophie shrugged her shoulders and

.

went away toward the dining r o om -

.

“ ”
What are you going away for may I ask Q he ,

said as I appeared before him humbly

, .

“
Why you know you ought to lie down and to
,

”
rest I tried to say wit h discretion but it was all one
, ,

what I said : it w o uld have irritated him just the same .

”
I am rather tired o f this surveillance he ex ,

claimed “
I t is alm o st time I sh o uld be permitted t o
express a wish ab o ut the disposition o f myself A s I .

d o not happen t o want to g o to sleep I beg I may be ,

”
allowed the pleasure o f your society fo r a little while .

“
I don t thin k it would give yo u muc h pleasure
’
,

’
and yo u kno w you don t feel as well t o day -
.

Again may I be permitted to ju d ge how I feel

,

”
myself 2
Oh yes of course but
, , ,

B ut what Miss d E s t ré e —No d o ubt you want

’
,

—
to g o yo urself I am sorry I th o ught o f detaining yo u
(with a gesture o f dismissal ) I beg y o u to excuse me
.
.

”
A sick man is apt to be unreasonable .
 R ICH A R D VA N D E RM A R C K .

Oh a s to that yo u know entirely well I d o n o t

, ,

want t o go You are unreasonable indeed when

.
, ,

o u talk as you do n o w I only went away fo r your

y .

”
benefit .

Q u a!s e mo u se , s a ccu s e
’ ’
.

But I am not excusing myself ; and if you put it

so I will g o away at o nce .

Si vo u s wo u le z

But I don t ’ ‘
o o u le z
’ —Oh , how d is a greeable you
”
can be .

“
Yo uwill stay 2
Pauline called Sophie from across the hall .

”
There ! I exclaimed interpreting it as the voice ,

o f conscience I left my w o rk basket and book upon

.
-

the table and went o u t of the ro o m

,
.

“
Y o u called me I said following her into the ,

parlor where shutting the d o or she m o tioned me to

, , ,

a seat beside her She had a slip o f paper and an e n.

v e lo pe in her hand and seemed a little ill at ease ,

.

”
I ve j ust had a telegram from Richard she said
’
,
.

He s coming home t o night by the eleven o clock

’ -
’

’
train It s s o odd altogether I d o n t know why he s
.
’
.
’

coming But yo u may as well read his message your

.

”
self she said with a forced manner handing me the
, ,

paper It was as fo llows

.

Send carriage fo r me to eleven thirty train to -

 RICH A R D VA N D E R M A R C K .

night Remember my inj unctions our last conversa

.
,

”
ti o n and your promises
,
.

“ ”
Well 2 I said looking u p bewildered and not , ,

violently interested fo r I was secretly listening to the ,

quick shutting of the library door -

.

“ ”
Why you s e e sh e retu rned with a forced air
, , ,

o f c o n fidence that made me involuntarily shrink from

her ; I think she even laid her hand upon my sleeve ,

o r made some gesture of familiarity which was u n

usual
You s e e that l a st c o nversation w a s — about you
,
.

Richard is annoyed a t —a t your i n timacy with Mr .

Langenau Y o u know j ust as well as I do how he

.

’
feels for no doubt he s spoken to yo u himself
,
.

”
He never ha s I said quite shortly , ,
.

N o 2 and she l o o ked rather chagri n ed

”
Well .

but at all events you know how he feels Girls .

ar nt slo w generally to find out about those things

’
.

And he is really very unhappy about it very I ,

.

wish Pauline you d give it up child It s g o ne

, ,
’
,
.
’

quite far enough ; now don t yo u think so yourself ? ’

Mr Langenau isn t the sort of man t o be serious

.
’

ab o ut yo u know I t s all very well just for a s um

,
.
’
,

’
mer s amusement But yo u know yo u mustn t go
’
.
, ,

t o o far I m sure dear y o u re n o t angry with me

.
’
, ,
’

o u understand just what I mean d o n t yo u 2

’ ”
now
y ,
*
7
1 54 RIC H A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

No :an gry certainly n o t angry She went

not ,
.

still with the im ertinent t o uch upon my arm

p
on ,

“
Richard made me promise that I w o uld l o o k after
y ou and
,
n o t permit things to
g o t o o far And y ou .

se e — well — I ll tell yo u in co nfidence what I th ink

’

his coming t o night means and his message and all

-
,
.

—
I think that is I am afraid he s fo und o u t s o mething ’
,

agai n st Mr Lan genau since he s been away I kn o w

.
’
.

he never has felt confidence in him But I ve always .

’

thought perhaps that was because he w a s well a

,
— —

little jeal o us a n d suspicious Y o u kn o w men are s o .

apt to be suspicious ; and I was sure when h e went ,

away that last M o nday morni n g that he w o uld n o t ,

leave a st o ne unturned in findi n g o u t everything

about him It is that that s kept him I am sure
.
’
,
.

”
Don t let that make you feel ha rd lv t o ward Ri chard
’
,

sh e went o n noticing perhaps my l o o k ; yo u kn o w

“
,

it s o nly natural and besides it s right

’
Ho w would
, ,
’
.

”
he answer t o y o ur uncle 2
“
It is I who should answer t o my uncle I re ,
”

t urned under my br eath

,
.

Yes but yo u are in o u r h o use in o ur care Y o u

, ,
.

know my dear child yo u are very yo ung and very

, ,

inexperienced ; yo u d o n t kn o w how very careful ’

”
pe o ple have to be .

“
Why don t you talk that way to Charl o tte and
’
 RICHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K
’
.
55

Henrietta and Mary Leighto n ? Have I done any

”
thing so very d ifie re n t from them Q I answered with
'

a blaze of spirit .

”
No dear she said with a little laugh
, ,
“
only , ,

there are o n e o r two men very m uch in love with

”
u and that makes everything s o di fferent
y o ,
.

I blushed scarlet and was silenced instantly a s she

, ,

intended .

“
Now maybe I am mistaken ab o ut his having
,

” “ ’
disco vered somethi n g she went o n but I can t
, ,

make anything else out of Richard s message H e is ’

.

n o t o n e to send o ff such a despatch without a reason .

Evidently he is very uneasy ; and I thought it was

.

best to be perfec tly frank with yo u dear and I kn o w , ,

you ll do me the justice to s a y I have been if Ri chard

’
,

e ver says anything to yo u about it Y o u mustn t .

’

blame me you kn o w fo r the way he feels I wis h

, ,
.

”
the wh o le thin g was at an e n d she said with the , ,

first touch o f sincerity And now promise me o n e

.

”
thing with another caressing movement o f the hand
, ,

“
Promise me you won t go into the library again till
,
’

Richard comes and we hear what he h a s to say

,
.

Just fo r my sake you know my dear for yo u see he

, , ,

would blame me if I did not keep a strict surveil

lance Y o u won t mind doing that I m sure for
.
’
,
’
,

me
 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C E .

”
I shall not promise an ything I returne d getti n g , ,

“
up bu t I am n o t likely to go near the li brary after
,

”
what you ve said ’
.

“ ”
Tha t s a goo d child
’
s h e said evidently much
, ,

relieved and thinking that the a ffair was very near its
,

end I opened the d o o r and she ad d ed : N o w g o

.
“
,

u
p
-
stairs,
and rest y o urself f o r
yo u l o o k as if you had ,

a headache and don t think of anything that s dis

,
’ ’

”
agreeable That was a good prescription but I di d
.
,

not take it .

Of cbu rse I did n o t go ne a r the li brary ; that was

,

underst o o d After dinner the servant br o ught in Mr

.
,
.

La n g e n a u s tray unt o uched and Charl o tte Ben son

’
,

started up and ran in t o see what was the matter

,
.

S o phie went t o o l o o ki n g a little tro ubled I think

,
.

they were b o th snubbed : for ten mi n utes after when ,

I m e t Charl o tte in the hall she ha d an u n usual flush ,

up o n her cheek and S o phie I fo und standing at o n e

,

o f the parl o r wind o ws biting her lip and tapping

-
, ,

impatiently up o n the carpet Evidently the a ffair .

was not as near its placid end as she had h o ped She .

started a little when she s a w me and t ried to l o ok ,

unru ffled .

”
“
H o w sultry it is this aftern o on ! she said Are .

u g o ing up to your ro o m to take a rest ? stop in

y o

m y r o o m o n your way I want to show you those ,

 RICHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K 1 57

embro ideries that I was telli n g Charlotte Benson o f

”
last night .

“
I did not hear yo u and I d o n o t know anything
,

”
ab o ut them I said feeling not at a ll a ffectionate
, ,
.

“
N 0 ? C h I fo rgot : it was while yo u and Hen
,

rie t t a were sitting in the library and Charlotte a n d I ,

were walking up and down the piazza while it rained .

Why they a re some heavenly sets that I g o t this

,

spring fro m Paris— Marshall picked them up o n e day

at the B o n M a r ché —an d verily they are bo n m a r e/La e .

I never sa w anything s o cheap and I was telling ,

Charlotte that s o me of you might just as well have

part o f them for I never could use the half Come up
,
. .

”
and look them over .

N o w I loved heaven ly sets as well as most w o

“

men but dr ess was n o t the bait for me at that m o

,

ment So I said my head ached and I could n o t l o ok

.

at them then if she d excuse me ; and I went silently

,
’

away to my roo m n o t caring at all if she were pleased

,

or not I disliked and distrusted her m o re a n d more

.

every m o ment and she seemed to me s o mean : fo r I

,

kne w all her worry came from the apprehensi o n of

what she might have to fear from Richard n o t the ,

th o ught o f the s uffering that he or that any o n e else

endured .

It w a s a long afternoon but it reached its end , ,

1 58 R ICH A RD VA N D E RM A R C K .

a fter the manner o f all aft erno o n s o n record even ,

th o se o f Marianna When I came do wn stai rs they

.
-

were all at tea and Kilian had arrive d A m o re e n .

livening atmosphere prevailed and the invalid was n o t ,

discussed A drive was being canvassed There was

. .

an early m o on and Kilian prop o sed driving To m and

,

Jerry befo re the o pen wag o n which would carry fo ur , ,

thro ugh the vallev road to be back by half p a st nine

-
,
-

’
o r ten o clock .

”
But what am I t o d o cried Kilian when there , ,

”
are five angels and I have o nly room for three 2
,

“
Why t w o will h ave to stay at home acc o rd i n g t o
, ,

”
my arithmetic said Charlotte go o d naturedly and
,
“
,
-
,

"
I ve no doubt I shall be remainder
’
.

If yo u stay I shall sta y with yo u said Henrietta

, , ,

dropping the me t aphor for metaph o rs even the , ,

mildest were beyo n d her reach o f mind

,
.

Everybody wanted to stay and everyb o dy tried t o ,

be quite firm but as n o one s firmness bu t mine w a s ’

based o n inclination th e result was that S Ophie a n d

I were remainder and Mary Leighton C harl o tte
“
, , ,

and Henrietta drove away with Ki lian quite jauntily ,

at half past seven o clock But befo re she went C h a r

-
’
.
,

lotte who w a s really good—

,
natured with all her sharp
ness and self wi ll went into the library t o speak t o
-
,

Mr Langenau , and to show she did n o t resent the

.
 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
1 59

noonday slight whatever that had been But presently

,
.

sh e came back looking rather anxious a n d said to ,

S o phie ignoring me (whom she always did ign o re if

,

possible) ,

“
Do g o and s e e wh a t you can do fo r Mr Langenau . .

He is really very far fro m well His tea sta n ds there .

,

and he hasn t taken anything t o eat He l o o ks fever

’
.

ish and excited and I truly think he o ught t o see the

,

D o ct o r You know he pr o mised the D o ctor t o stay

.

in his r o om an d keep still all the rest o f the week

,
.

But I am sure he means to come o u t t o m o rrow and -

,

he even talks o f go ing d o wn t o town It will kill .

him if he does ; I m sure he s d o ing badly and I wish

’ ’
,

you d go and see to him

’
.

”
“
D o es he kn o w Richard is coming up t o night ? -

asked S o phie s o tt o r a ce but with a ffected careless n ess

, ,
.

“
I d o n o t know o h yes he does I mentio n ed it t o
, ,

”
hi m at dinner time I remember n o w
-
,
.

“
Well I ll see if I can d o anything for him n o w
,
’

o they re waiting fo r you Have a ple a sant time

’
g ,
. .

After they were go ne S o phie went int o the library

, ,

but she did n o t stay very l o ng She came and s a t .

beside me o n the river— balcony and talked a little ,

desult o rily and absent mindedly -

.

Presently there was a call for m amma a hubbub

“ ”
,

and a hurry— soon explained Charley who ha d been .

,
1 60 R IC H A R D VA N DE I 23!A R C K
1 .

running wild fo r the last two weeks without tutor or ,

uncle to c o ntro l him had just fallen from the m o w

, ,

and hurt himself s o mewhat and frightened himself ,

much more The w h o le h o use was in a ferment He

. .

was taken to mamma s room for he was a great baby ’

,

when anythin g was the matter with him and would ,

n o t let mamma m o ve an inch away from him After .

assisting t o the best o f my ability in maki n g him

comfo rtable and seeing myself o n ly in the way I
, ,

went d o wn stairs again and t ook my seat u pon the

-
,

balc o ny that overl o oked the river .

The y o un g m o o n was shining faintly and the air ,

was s o ft and balmy The h o use w a s very still ; the

.

serva n ts I think were all in a distan t part o f the house

, , ,

o r o ut enj o ying the moonlight and the idleness of

evening S o phie was nailed t o Charley s bed u p
.
’

stairs trying to s o o the him ; Benny was sinking to

,

sleep in his little crib It seemed li ke a n en chanted

.

palace and when I heard a step cro ssing the parl o r i t

, ,

m ade me start with a vag ue feeling o f alarm The .

parl o r window by me which o pened t o t he fio o r was

-
,
‘

not cl o sed and in an o ther m o ment s o me o n e came

,

o ut and st o o d beside me It was Mr La n genau I . . .

started up and exclaimed Mr Langenau how im pru ,

.
,

”
dent ! Oh go back at once
,
0 .

H e seemed weak and his h a nd sh o o k as he leaned

,
 R ICHA R D VA ND E R M A RC H .
1 61
/

a gainst the ca se m en t b u t his eyes were glittering with

,

a feverish excitement He did n o t answer I went. .

on : The Doct o r forbade your c o ming o u t for several

days yet — a n d the exerti o n and the night air— oh I -
,

”
beg yo u t o go back .

”
Alone ? he said in a low voice .

No o h no I will g o with you Anything only

, ,
.
,

”
d o not stay here a moment longer ; come And
taking his hand (and how burni n g hot it was !) and
drawing it through my arm I started toward the ,

hall He had to lean o n me fo r the unus ual exerti o n

.
,

seemed to have annihilated all his strength When .

we reached the library I led him t o a chair a large —

,

and low and easy o n e and he sank d o wn in it ,

.

”
You are n o t go ing away 2 he asked as he gasped "

for breath Fo r there is something that must be sa id

,

to night
-
”
.

”
No I will not g o I answered frightened to see
, , ,

“
him so and agitated by a th o usand feelings
,
I will .

light the lamp and read to yo u ,

Let me move your .

”
chair back from the window .

“
No you must not light the lamp ; I like the
,

moonlight better Bring y o ur chair and sit here by

.

—
me here ”
He lean ed and half pulled toward him
.
-

the companion to the chair o n whi ch he sa t a lo w , ,

s oft easy o n e
, .
1 62 R ICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

I s a t down in it sitting so I nearly face d him The

,
.

moon was shining in at the o n e wide wind o w : I can

remember exactly the pattern that the vine leaves -

made a s the moonlight fell through them o n the

carpet at o u r feet I had a bunch o f verbena leaves
.
-

fastened in my dress and I never smell verbena leaves

,
-

at any time o r place without seeing befo re me that

m o o n traced pattern and that wide open windo w
- -
.

“ ”
Pauline he said in that low thrilling voice
, , , ,

“
leaning a little toward me I have a great deal to ,

s a y to o u to night I have a great wr ng to ask

y o
-
.

—
pardon fo r a great s o rro w t o tell you o f I shall .

never call you Pauline again as I call you to night -

.

I shall n ever look into your eyes again I shall never ,

touch your hand Fo r we must part Pauline ; and

.
,

this hour which heaven has given me is the last that

, ,

”
we shall spend t o gether on the earth .

I truly thought that his fever had produced de

li riu m and trying t o c o nceal my alarm I s a id with
, , , ,

an attempt t o quiet him Oh d o not say such thi n gs ; , ,

we shall see each other a great great many times I , ,

”
hope and have many more hours together
,
.

N o Pauline you d o n o t know s o well as I o f

, ,

what I speak This is n o d elirium ; would to heaven

.

it were and I might wake up fro m it No the part

,
.
,

in g must be said t o night and I must be the o n e t o-

,
 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C E
’
.
1 63

speak it We may spend d ays perhaps under the

.
, ,

same ro of— w e may even sit at the same table once

again ; bu t I repeat from this day I may never look
, ,

into your eyes again I may never touch your hand

,
.

Pauline can yo u forgive me ? I know that you can

,

love Merciful Heaven ! who so well as I w ho have

.
,

held your stainless heart in my stained hand these

many dreamy weeks ; and J u stice has not struck me
dead Yes Pauline I know you ve loved me ; but
.
, ,
’

remember this o n e thing in all your bitter tho u ghts

,

o f me hereafter : remember this o u have not loved

y ,

me as I have love d yo u Y o u have not given up .

earth and heaven both for me as I have d o ne for yo u .

For you ? No not fo r you but for the shad o w of you

, , ,

for the tho ught o f yo u fo r these short week s o f you

,
.

And then an eternity o f absence and of remorse and

, , ,

o f oblivi o n — ah if it might be oblivi o n for you ! I f I

,

could bl o t o u t o f y o ur life this short blighting su m ,

mer ; if I could put you back t o where yo u were that

fresh sweet mornin g that I walked with you beside
,

the river ! I loved yo u from that day Pauline and I , ,

drugged my conscience and refused t o heed that I

,

was doing you a wrong in teaching yo u to love me .

Pauline I have to tell yo u a sad st o ry : yo u will have

,

t o go back with m e very far ; yo u w ill have t o hear

.

o f si n s o f whi ch you n ever dreamed in your dear

1 64 RI CHA R D VA N D E R M A R C K .

innocence I would spare you if I could but yo u

.
,

must know for vo u must forgive me And when you

,
.

have heard you may cease to l o ve but I think yo u

, ,

will fo rgive Listen . .

Why should I repeat that terri ble discl o sure ? why

harrow my soul with going back over that dark path ?
Let me try to forget that such sins such wro n gs such , ,

revenges ever stained a human life I was so y o ung

,
.
,

so innocent s o ign o rant ,

It was a strange misfo rt une
.

that I sh o uld ha ve had to k n ow that which aged and

changed me so But he was right in saying that I
.

h a d to know it My life was bound inv o luntarily to

.

his by my l o ve and what c o ncern ed him was my fate

,
.

Alas He was in n o other way b o und to me than by

my l o ve : nor ever c o ul d be .

’
I don t know whether I was prepared for it o r not
I knew that something terrible and final w as to come ,

and I felt the awe that a ttends the thoughts that

word s are final and time limited B u t when I heard .

—
the fatal truth that another woman lived t o who m
he was irrevocably b o und— I heard it as in a dream ,

and di d not move or speak I think I felt for a mo .

ment as if I were dead as if I had passed out o f the

,

ranks of the living into the abodes of the silent and ,

benumbed and pu lseless There w a s such a hor rible

,
.

awe a n d chill and check through all my young and

’

, ,
 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
1 65

rapid blood It was like death by freezing It is not

. .

s o pleasant as they s a y believe me But no pain

,
.

that came a ftbrw a rd when I came to life when I felt

, ,

the touch o f his hand o n mine a n d ceased to hear his ,

cruel words .

I had shrunk back from him in my chair and s a t , ,

I suppose like a person in a tran ce with my hands

, ,

in my lap and my eyes fixed on him with bewilder

,

ment But when he ceased to speak— and leaning

.
,

fo rward o n o n e knee clasped my hands in his a n d

, ,

drew me toward him then indeed I knew I was not

,

.
,
—
dead Oh the agon y of those few moments I tried t o
rise t o go away from him But he held me with such
,
.

—
strength a ll his weakness was gone now He fo lded .

his arms around my waist and held me as in a vise .

Then suddenly leaning his head d o wn upon my arms ,

he kissed my hands my ar m s my dress with a m o an

, , ,

o f bitter a n gui sh .

“
N o t mine he murmured
”
,
Never mine bu t in .

my dreams 0 wretched dreams that drive me mad

.
, .

Pauline they will tell us that we must n o t dream

,

we must not weep we must be stocks and stones

,
.

We must wear this weight o f living death till that

good Lord that makes such laws shall send us death
in mercy Twenty thi rty fo rty fifty years o f su ffer
.
, , ,

in g : that might almost satisfy Him o n e wo uld think ,

.
Pauli ne ! you and I are to say good bye to night - -
.

Good bye ! People talk o f it a s a cruel word T hi nk o f

-
.

it if it were but for a year a year with hope at the

‘

end o f it to keep o ur hearts alive it would be terrible , ,

and we should need be brave The tears that lovers .

shed over a year apart ; the days that have g o t t o come

and go ho w weary The night s — the nights that
,
.

sleep flies o ff from and that memory reigns over

,
.

C o unt them— over three hundred c ome in every year .

One , you thi nk while it is passing is enough to kill ,

you : o n e such night o f restless torture and how many ,

shall we m ultiply o u r three hundred by ? We are

y o ung Pa uline Y o u are a child a very child I
,
.
,
.

am in the very flush and stren gth of manh ood There .

is half a century of suffering in me yet : this frame ,

this brain will stand the wear o f the hard years to

,

come but too t o o well There is no hope of death

,
. .

There is no hOpe in life That star has s e t G o od . .

God ! And that makes hell— why should I wait fo r

it — it cannot be worse there than here Don t listen .
’

—
to me it will not be as hard for you— you are s o
— —
young you have no sins to torture you only a little
love to conquer and fo rget You will marry a man .

who lives fo r you and who is patient and will wait

,

’
till this is over Ah n o : by Heaven ! I can t qu i t e
.
,

stand it yet Pauli ne you never loved him did yo u

.
, ,
 RI C H A R D VA N DE R M A R C K .
1 67

- never blushed for him— never listened for his c o m

ing with your lips apart and your heart flu t tering as ,

I have seen yo u listen when you thought that I was

coming ? No I know you never loved him : I kno w
,

— —
you have loved m e alone me who ought to have
.
—
forbidden you Fo rg ive fo rg ive fo rgive mefi
”
.

A passi o n of tears had come to my relief and I ,

sho o k fro m head to fo ot with sobs I cann o t feel .

ashamed when I remember that he held me for o n e

moment in his arms He had been to me till that
.

shock strength truth justice : t he m a n I lo ve d How

, , ,
.

could I in one instant know him by his sin alone and ,

undo all my trust ? I knew o nly this that it was for ,

the last time and that my heart was broken

,
.

I forgave him— that was an i dle form in my great

l o ve I never felt that there was anything t o be fo r
given except the wrong that fate had d o ne me in
, ,

making my love so hopeless He t o ld me to fo rget .

him ; that se emed to me as idle ; but all his words

were precious and all my soul was in his hand When
,
.
,

at that moment the sound o f wheels up o n the gravel

,

came and the sound o f lau ghter and o f voices I

, ,
‘

sprang up ; he caught me in his arms and held me

closely Another moment the parting was over and
.
, ,

I was kneeling by my bed up stairs weeping sobbi n g-

. , ,

hopeless .
 C HAPT E R X III .

T HE W OR L D GO E S ON TH E SAM E .

h
I n t o m y c a m b e r b rig t ly h
y
C a m e t h e e a rl s u n s go o d m a rro w ;
’
-

O n m y re s t l e s s b e d , u n s ig t l , h y
I s a t up in m y s o rro w .

Fa us t .

IT is an amazing thing the strength a n d p o wer o f

,

p ride . Pride and the

,
law o f self respect and se lf -

preservation in o ur being is the force that holds us

,

in o u r course When we reflect up o n it ho w few of

.
,

all the myriads fly out from it a n d are lost That I .

ate my meals ; that I dressed myself with care ; that

I took walks and drives : that I did not avoid m y
companions and listened patiently to what they chose
,

to s a y : these were the evidences o f that centripetal

law withi n that was keeping me fro m destruction It .

would be di fficult to imagine a person more un happy .

Undisciplined and u n fo rt ifie d by the knowledge that

disappointment is an integral part o f all lives there ,

had suddenly come upon me a disappointment the

most total It covered everything ; there w a s not a
.

flick e r o f hope o r palliation And I had n o idea .

 RI CH A RD VA ND E RM A R C K .
1 69

where to go to make myself another hope o r in what ,

course lay palliation As we have prepared ourselves.

o r have been prepared so is the issue o f o u r temp ,

t a t io n s My great temptation came up o n me fool

.
,

ish ign orant u n prepared : the wonder would have

, ,

been if I had resisted it to my own credit .

The d ays went o n as usual at R a n d I m u st

hold my place am o ng the careless daughters and not

let them see my trouble Careless d aughters indeed .
,

they were and I shuddered at the th o ught o f their

,

cold eyes : no doubt their eyes bright as well as col d , ,

s a w that s o mething was amiss with me ; with all my

bravery I could not keep the signs o f wretchedness

,

o u t of my pale face But they n ever knew the st o ry

.
,

and they could only guess at what made me wretched .

It is amazing (again) what p o wer there is in silence ,

and how much yo u can keep in your hands if yo u d o

not O pen them People may surmise may invent —
,
.

but they cannot know your se cret unless you tell it to

them a n d their imaginin gs take so many fo rms the
, ,

multitude o f things that they create blot out all

definite design Thus every o n e at R
. had a dif
fe re n t the ory about my l o ss o f spiri ts and the relapse
o f Mr Lan ge n au but no o n e e ver kne w what passed
.
,

that nigbi .

Richard came He was closeted with Sophie until

.

8
1 70 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

after midnight but I d o not thi nk he told her any

,

thing that she desired to know I thi nk he only tried

.

t o find o u t from her what had passed (and she did n o t

know that I had been in the library since she spoke to

me) If Mr Langenau had been well I have no
. .
,

doubt that it w a s his design to have dismissed hi m o n

the followi n g d a y no matter at what hazard How
,
.

much he knew I cannot tell but enough to have war

,

ranted him ih doing that perhaps He probably ,

.

would have put it in Mr La n g e n a u s power to have

.
’

gone without any coloring put upon his going that

would have affected his stan di ng in the hous ehold .

T hi s was hi s design no doubt ; o ther wise he would

,

have told hi s sister all His delicate c o nsideration fo r

.

me made him guard a s sacred the fact that I had

wasted my hope and love s o cruelly .

He was n o t go ing away again I soon found ; g m !C a

,

(2 la chas s e p er d 8 C p la ce He had lost his place but

.
,

he would stay and guard me all the same ; a n d

the chase for gold seemed given up for good and
a ll
.

Kilian was in constant surpri se, and made o u t many

catechisms but he got little satisfaction
,
.

“ ” ’
Richard was going to have a few weeks rest ,

1 m le ss somethi ng should occur to ca ll him back to

town .
 RI CHA R D VA NDE R M A R OK .
1 71

He sought no interview w ith me was kind and ,

silent but his eye was ne ver o ff me I think he

,
.

watched his opportunity for saying what he had to

sa y to Mr Langenau but such an opportunity seemed
.
,

destined not to come .

Mr Langenau was ill the day after Richard came

.

—
home quite ill enough t o cause alarm He had a .

high fever and the Doctor even seemed uneasy and

, ,

prescribed the profoundest quiet After a day o r .

t w o however he improved and all d anger seemed

, , ,

averted .

A s soon a s he was s t rong enough he was to be ,

removed to his o w n room above fo r the sake o f quiet, ,

and t o release the househol d from its enforced tran

quillity .

All these particulars I heard at table o r from ,

morning groups o n the piazza with stony

cheeks and eyes that looked un flin chin g ly into
,

all curious faces : so works the law o f self de -

fence .

All but Richard I am sure were staggered but he

, , ,

read with his heart .

I never blushed now, I never faltered I never ,

said a word I did n o t mean to s a y It was a .

struggle for life : though I did not value the

life and should have fo u nd it hard to sa y why
,
1 IL D
RICH A R VA ND E R M A R C E .

I did not give up and let them s e e that I

killed .

But I kept wondering how I should sustain myself

if I shoul d be ca lle d upon to meet him once again
.
 C HAPT E R X IV .

G UAR D ED .

Fo re ve r a t h e r fo re ve r l o n e ly
s id e ,
an d y e t ,

I s h a ll u n t o t h e e n d h a ve m a d e life s jo u rn e y ly
’
,
on

D a rin g t o a s k fo r n a ug h t a n d h a vi n g n a ugh t ,
re ce ive d .

Fe lix A r o ers .

D ut yt d ut y t o h e r ; I t h in k
o G o d is
G o d w h o c re a t e d h e r w ill s a ve h e r t o o
, ,

S o m e n e w w a y b y o n e m i ra c l e t h e m o re
,

Wi t h o ut m e Th e n p ra y e r m a y a va il p e rh a p s
.
, ,
.

R B ro wn in g
. .

”
M R L ANG E NAU is coming down t o day said Char
.
,

lotte Benson in a stage whisper as we t o o k o u r places -

,

at the table a week after this ,

“
I met him in the .

hall about an hour ago l o o king like a ghost and he , ,

told me he was coming d own to dinner

. .

”
said Sophie l o oking a little dis con
’

V r a z m en t , ,

“
c e rt e d Well he shall have Charley s place Char ’
.
, .

ley isn t coming

’
.

I hope he s in a better temper than that last day

’

”
we s a w him said Henrietta ,
.

“
Po o r fellow ! said C harlotte that was the day
” “
,

befo re the fever began It was coming o n : that w a s .

the reason o f it all no do u bt H e looks ghastly

,
.
1 74 RICH A R D VA NDE RM A R OK .

’
enough now You ll forgive all the moment that ,

yo u se e
'
him .

Charlotte had forg iven him herself though she ,

had never resumed the rele o f Florence Nightingale .

Since he had given up the library and rem o ved to

his o w n room he had bee n quite lost to a ll and
, ,

nobody seemed to have gone near him not even ,

Sophie who wo uld have been glad to forget that he

,

existed without doubt

,
.

’
Richard s eyes were o n me as Charlotte said
”
Hush ! and a step crossed the hall in the pause
that ensued Kilian sitting next me began to talk
.
, ,

to me at that moment the moment that Mr Langenau ,

.

entered the room And I think I answered quite

.

coherently : though two sets of words were going

through my brain the answer to his c o mmonplace
,

question and the words that Mr Langenau had said

,
.

“
that night Pauli ne I shall never look into your
, ,

eyes again I shall never touch your hand

,
.

I t seemed to me an even chance which sentence

s a w the day ; but as the walls did n o t fall down ab o u t

me and no face looked amazement I found I must ,

have answered Kili an s question with propriety ’

.

There were many voices speaking at once ; but

there was such a ringing in my ears I could not dis ,

t in g ui sh who spoke , o r what was said : for a moment

 RICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
1 75

I was lost if any o n e had taken advantage of it

, .

But gradually I regained my senses : o n e after another

they each took up their guard again : and I looked
up And met his eyes ? N0 ; b ut let mine rest upon
.

his face And then I found I had n o t measured my

.

temptation and that there w as somet hing to do b e

,

si d es defending myself from others eyes For there ’

.

was to defend myself from my o w n heart The pas .

sion o f pity and tenderness that rushed over me as

my eyes fell o n his haggard fac e s o strong and yet so ,

wan swept away for the moment the defences against

,

the public gaze I could have fallen down at his

.

feet before them all and told him that I loved

him .

A few moments more o f the sound of commonplace

words, and t he repulsion of every day faces and ex -

pressions swept me back into the circle of convention

,

a lit ie s and bro u ght me under the force of that current

,

that keeps us from high tragedy .

All during the meal Mr Langenau was grave and

.

silent speaking little and then with effort He had

,
.

overrated his strength perhaps fo r he went away be

, ,

fore the end o f the d inner asking t o be excused in a

, ,

tone almost inaudible After he had gone a good

.
,

many commentaries were o ffered Kilian seemed to .

e xpress the sense o f the assembly when he said

1 76

The man looks shockingly and he s n o t o u t o f the ,

’

”
woods yet .

Sophie lo o ked troubled : she had some co m pun c

tions for the neglect o f the last few days, perhaps .

”
What does the Doctor sa y ? pursued her brother .

—
Nothing I suppose fo r he hasn t been here for ’
,

”
a week almost
,
.

“
Well then you d better send for him if yo u don t
, ,
’
,
’

want the fellow to d ie o n your hands H e s n o t fit to .

’

’
b e o u t o f bed and y o u ll have trouble if you don t
’
,

look o u t .

”
“
As if I hadn t had tro uble returned his s i ster
’
, ,

al m ost peevishly .

“
Well I beg your pardon Sophie But I fancied
, ,
.

you and Miss C harlotte were in charge ; and I th o ught

about ten days ago your patient was in a fair way t o
,

’
be kill e d with kindness and it s a little o f a surpri s e to
,

”
m e t o find he s being let alone so very systematically
’
.

”
“
Why to tell yo u the truth c ried Charl o tte Ben
, ,

so n,
we were turned out o f o fli ce without much
ceremon y o n e fine day after dinner I am quite
,
.

willing t o be fo rgivi n g ; but I don t think yo u can ’

ask me to put myself in the way o f being snubbed

”
again to that extent .

“
The ungrateful varlet ! what did he complain o f ?
Ha d n t he been c o ddled enough to please him
’
Did
 RICH A R D VA ND E RM A R OK .
1 77

he want four o r five more women dancing atten dance

’

”
o n him ?

Oh it was not want o f attention he c o mplained of

, .

”
In fact said Charlotte coloring
,
“
It was that he , ,

didn t like quite s o much and wanted to be allowed

’
,

”
more liberty .

Kilian indulged in a good laugh which wasn t quite ,

’

fair considering Charl o tte s candor

,
’
.

“ ” “
But the truth is said Charlotte uneasily that , , ,

he was t o o ill that day t o be responsible fo r what he

, ,

said He was just coming down with the fever and

.
, ,

”
you know pe o ple are always m o st u n re a s o n a ble then
, . .

I m very glad I never gave him a chance to dis

’

”
pense with me said Mary Leighton with a view to, ,

making h erself amiable in Kilian s eyes ’

.

“
I think he dispensed wi th you early in the season ,

said Charlotte sharply Oh hast th o u forgotten that

,
.
,

w alk that he took upon your i n vitation ? Ah Miss

, ,

Leight o n his lo o k was quite drama t ic I know you

,
.

”
never have fo rgi ven him .

“
I haven t the l e ast idea what yo u are talking o f
’
,

returned Mary Leighton with bewildered and child ,

like simplicity .

A li then it was not as unique an occurr ence as I

,

hoped said Charlotte viciously

”
,
“
I imagined it ,
.

would make more o f an impression .

i
8
><
 C harl o tte interrupted Sophie shocked at this
, ,

open impoliteness I hope yo u are fo rgiving enough

,

to break it to him that h e s g o t to se e the D o ctor ; for

’

if he comes unexpectedly and goes up t o his room he ,

will be dramatic and that is s o unpleasant as we know

, ,

t o our s o rrow .

“
Indeed I shan t tell him cried C harlot t e you
,
’ “
, ,

can take your life in your han d and try it if yo u ,

’
please ; b ut I cann o t consent to risk m yself There s .

Mary Leighton she bears no malice Perhaps she ll

,
.
’

”
go with yo u as supp o rt .

” “
Ha ha ! cried Kilian
,
Richard you and I may
.
,

be called o n to b ring up the rear There s the Gen .

’

e ra l s old sw o rd in the hall

’
and I ll take the J o e ,
’

Mant o n from the shelf in the library .

“
Richard looks as if he disapproved o f us all very
”
m uch ,
said Sophie a n d in truth Richard d id look
,

just s o He did not even answer these suggestions

.
,

but began after a moment to talk to Henrietta o n in

di fferent matters .

It was o n this aftern oon that a n e w policy was in

a u ura t e d at R
g W e were ta ught t o feel that we

had been quite aggrieved by the dullness of the past

two weeks o r more and that we must be compensa ted
,

by some refreshing n ovelties .

Richard was at the head of the m vement Richard

o —
 R ICHA R D VA ND E R M A R C H .
1 79

with his so ber cares and weary lo o k But the in co n .

g ruit
y struck n o o n e ; they w ere too glad to be amused .

Even S Ophie brightened up Charlotte was ready to .

thro w her energies into any active scheme hospital o r ,

picnic charity school o r kettle drum

,
- -
.

”
To m o rrow will be just the sort of day for it
-
,

said Richard cool and fine And half the pleasure

,
.

o f a picnic is n o t having time to get tired o f it

beforehand .

“ ’ “ ’
That s very true sa id Charlotte ; but I don t
,

s e e h o w we re going to get everybody notified and

’

everything in order for nine o clock t o m orrow morning ’

-
.

“ ” “
Nothing easier said Kilian ; we ll go directly
,
’
,

after tea to the De Wit t s and Prentices and send

, ,

Thomas with a note t o the L o wd ers Sophie has .

done her part in shorter time than that very often ; ,

and I d on t believe we sh o uld be starved if s he only

’
,

’ ”
gave half an hour s notice to the cook .

What is heavier than pleasure se eking in which o n e -

has no pleasure ? I shall never forget the misery of

those plans and that bustle I dared not absent m y .

self and I c o uld scarcely carry o u t my part fo r very

,

heavy heartedness I t see med t o me that I could n o t

-
.

bear it if the hour came and I sh o uld have t o drive

, ,

away with all that merry party and leave po or Mr ,

.

Lan ge n au for a l o ng long day alone ,

.
1 80 RICHA R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

I felt sure s o methi ng w o uld occur to release me : it

could not be that I should have to go With the .

exaggerati o n o f youth it seemed to me a n im po ssi

,

b ilit y that I c o uld endure anything so grievous How .

I hated all the careless th o ughtless happy household !

, ,

Only Richard enemy as he was t o my happiness

, ,

seemed en durable to me For Richard was not .

merry making in his heart and I was sure he was

-
,

sorry fo r me all the ti m e he was trying t o opp o se me .

Mr Langenau was again in the D o ct o r s care who

.
’
,

came that evening and who said to Richard in my

, ,

hearing he must be kept quiet he di dn t altogether

,
’

like his symptoms .

Richard had his hands full with great matters ,

and small Sophi e had washed hers o f the invalid ;

.

there had been some sharpish words between the

sister and brother o n the matter I imagine and the , ,

result was Ri chard was the only o n e w h o did o r would

,

d o anything fo r his c o mfort and safety .

T hat day after appearing at dinner he came n o

, ,

m o re I watched with feverish anxiety every step

.
,

every s o und ; but he ca m e not I knew that the .

Doctor s adm o ni ti o ns w o uld n o t have much weight n o r

’
,

yet Richard s o pini o n I had the feelin g that if he

’
.

w o uld o nly speak t o me o nly l o o k at me once it

, ,

wo uld ease tha t horrible oppression and pain which I

 RICH A R D VA N D E R M A R C K
’
I .
1 81

was suffering The agony I was enduring was s o ih

.

tolerable and it s real relief so impossible like a child

, ,

I caught at some fancied palliation and craved only ,

that What would o n e look o n e word b e — out o f a

.
,

lifetime o f silence and separation .

No matter : it was what I raged and died fo r just ,

o n e look just o n e word more

,
He had said he would .

n ever look int o my eyes a gain that haunted me and

made me superstitious I would m a ke him look at
.

me . I would seize his han d and kn eel befo re him ,

and tell him I should die if he did not speak t o me
once more Once more ! Just once o u t o f years
.
, ,

o ut of forever I had thro wn d uty co n science

.
, ,

th o ught t o the w m d s I had but one fear— that we

.

should be fi nally separated without that word spoken ,

that l o o k exchanged I said t o myself again and

.

'

again I shall die if I cannot speak to him again

, ,
.

Beyond that I did n o t look What better I should .

be after that speaking I did n o t care I only lo nged

'

and looked fo r that as a relief from the insu fferable

agony o f my fate One cannot take in infinite
.

wretchedness : it is o u r nature to make dates and

periods to o u r sorrows in o u r imagination .

And so that horrid afternoon and evening passed ,

amid the racket and babel o f visitors and visiting I .

follo w ed almost blindly, and di d a s the others d id .

1 82 RICH A R D VA NDE RM A R C E .

The n ext morn ing dawned bright and col d What a .

d a y for summer ! The sun was brilliant but the

wind came from o ver icebergs ; it seemed like winter

“

”
painted green .

’
We were to start at nine o clock I was ready .

early waiting on the piazza fo r the aid t o fate that

,

w a s t o keep me from the punishment o f go ing No .

human being had spo ken his name that morning .

H o w should I know whether he were still so ill o r n o .

The h o ur for starting had arrived Richard who .

,

never kept lo n g o u t o f sight o f me was busy loading

,

the wagon that was to accompany us with baskets o f ,

thin gs to eat and with wines and fruits Kilian w as

,
.

engro ssed in arranging the seats and cushions in the

two carriages which had just driven to the door .

Mary Leight o n was flutteri ng about the flo w e r bed -

at the left o f the piazza making herself l o vely with

,

geranium and roses Sop hie in a beautiful costume

.
, ,

was pacifying Charley who had had a difference with

,

his uncle Kilian Charl o tte and Henrie t ta were busy

.

in their small way over a li t tle basket o f preserves ;

and t w o or three o f the neighb o ring gentlemen who ,

were to drive with u s were approaching the h o use by

,

a side entrance
- .

In a moment o r two we should be ready to be o ff .

What sho uld I d o ? I was franti c with the thought

 R IC H A R D VA ND E RM A R CK
.

that he might be worse he might g o away I was to , .

be absent such a length o f time I must— I w o uld .

se e him before we w en t What better m o ment than

.

the present when everybody was engaged in this fret

,

ting foolish picnic I W o u ld run up s tairs— call to

,
.

him o utside his door— make him speak t o me .

With a guilty l o ok aro und I started u p stole , ,

through the group o n the piazza and ran to the stairs ,

.

But alas Richard had n o t failed to m ark my m o ve

,

ments and before my fo ot had touched the stair his

,

voice recalled me I s t arted with a guilt y look and

.
,

trembled but dared n o t meet his eye

,
.

Pauline are you going away ? We are just ready

,

”
start
.

If I had had any presence o f mind I should have

made an excuse and gone t o my own room fo r a
,

moment and taken my chance o f getting to the floor

,
.

above but I suppose he would have fo restalled me I .

could not c o mmand a single word but turned back ,

and followed him As we g o t into the carriage the

.
,

voices and the lau ghing really seemed t o madden me .

Driving away from the house I never shall forget the ,

sensation o f growing hea viness at my heart it seemed

to be turning into lead I glanced back at the closed
.

wind o ws o f his room and wondered if he sa w us a n d ,

if he thought that I w a s happy .

1 84 RI CH A RD VA ND E RM A R C K .

The length of that day ! The glare o f that sun !

The chi ll of that unnatural wind ! E very moment
seemed to me an hour I can fe m e m be r with such
.

di stinctness the wh o le d a y each thing as it h a ppened

,

c o nversations which seemed so senseless preparations ,

which seemed s o endless The taste o f the things I

.

t ried to eat : the smell of the grass o n which we sat ,

—
and the pine trees above o u r heads : the sound of fire
blazing under the teakettle and the pained sensation
,

o f my eyes when the sm o ke blew across into our

faces : the Hateful vibrati o n of Mary Leighton s laugh : ’

all these things are unnat urally vivid to me at this day .

I don t kn o w what t he c o nditi o n of my brain must

’

have been to have received such an exaggerated im

,

pressi o n of uni mp o rtant things .

“ ”
What can I d o for yo u Miss Pauline ? said K i l
,

ian throwing himself down o n the grass at m y feet

,
.

I c o uld n o t sit d o wn for very impatience but was ,

walking restlessly ab o ut and was n o w standing fo r a

,

m o ment by a great tree under which the table had

been spread It was fo u r o clock and there was o nly
.
’
,

vague talk o f going home ; the horses had n o t yet

been brought up the baskets were n o t a quarter
,

pa cked E very one was ind o lent and a go od deal

.
,

tired ; the gentlemen were smoking and no o n e seemed ,

in a hurry .
 1 85

“
When Kilian said What can I d o for you Miss
, ,

” “
Pauline ? I could not help saying Take me home ,

“ ” “
Home ! cried Kilian Here is somebody talk
in g about going home Why Miss Pauline I a m
.
, ,

just beginning to en j o y myself ! only look it is but ,

”
fo ur o clock
’
.

”
Oh let us stay and go home by moonlight cried
, ,

Mary Leighton in a little rapture

,
‘

“
Would it n o t be heave n ly said Henrietta .

”
H o w about tea ? said Charlotte “
We shall be .

hungry before moo n light and there isn t anything left

’
,

’
to eat )
“ ”
How material ! cried Kilian who had eaten an ,

enormous dinner .

“ ”
We shall all get cold said Sophie w ho loved to , ,

“
be c o mfortable and t h e chil d ren are beginni n g to be
,

”
very cross .

‘
S m all blame to them mut tered a dissatisfied ,

man in my ear w ho had singled me o ut as a compau

,

io n in dis content and had pursued me with his c o n

,

tempt for pastoral entertainments and fo r this enter ,

t a in m e n t in especial .

“
Well let the pe o ple that want to stay stay ; but
, ,

”
let us go home I sai d hastily
, ,
.

“
That is s o like yo u Pauline exclaimed Mary , ,

Leight o n in a voice that stung me like nettles

,
.
1 86 R I CH A R D VA NDE RM A R C K .

“ ” “
It is very like common sense I said if that s -
, ,
’

”
like me .

W ell it isn t particularly

,
’
.

” “
Let dogs delight said Kilian I have a compro , ,

mise to o ffer If we g o home by the br idge we p a ss

.

the little Brink hotel where they give capital teas , .

We can stop there rest get tea have a dance in the

, , ,

’
ball room sixteen by twenty a n d go home by
-
, ,

moonli ght filling the souls of Miss Leighton and

,

”
Henrietta with bliss .

A chorus of ecstasy followed this ; S Ophie herself was

satisfied with the plan and exulted in the prospect o f ,

washing her face and lying down o n a bed for half

,

an h o ur though only at a little country m n Even this

,
.

low form o f ci vilized life was tempting after seve n ,

hours spent in communi o n with nature on hard rocks .

Great alacrity was shown in getting ready and in

getti n g o ff I c o uld n o t speak t o any o n e n o t even
.
,

the dissatisfied man but walked away by myself and

,

tried t o let no one s e e what I was feeling After all .

was ready I got into the carriage beside o n e of the

,

Miss Lowders and the dissatisfied man sat o pposite

,
.

He wore canvas shoes and a c o rduro y suit and sleeve ,

buttons and studs that were all bugs and bees I .

thi nk I could make a drawing o f the sleeve butto n o n -

the arm with which he held t he u mbrella over us ;

 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K

there were five different forms o f insect li fe re pre -

sented o n it but I remember them all

,
.

’
I m afraid you haven t enj o yed yo urself very
’

m u ch said Miss Lowder looki n g at me rather

”
, ,

I ? why— no perhaps not ; I don t generally enj oy

,
’

”
myself very much .

S o mebody o u t o n the front seat laugh ed very

shrilly at this : of course it was Mary Leighton who
was sitting beside Kilian who drove I felt I would ,
.

have liked to push her over among the horses and ,

drive o n .

”
Isn t her voice like a steel file ? I said with great
’

simplicity to my comp a nions The dissatisfied man .

,

writhin g uncomfo rtably o n his seat four inches t o o ,

narrow fo r any o n e but a child of six assented ,

gloomily Mi ss Lowder who was twenty eight years

.
,
-

o ld and very well bred lo o ked disapproving and , ,

changed the subject Not much more was said after .

this Miss Lowder had a neuralgic headache devel

.
,

oped by the cold wind and an undige sted dinner eaten

irregularly She was too p o lite to mention her suffer
.

i n gs but leaned back in the carriage and was silent

,
.

My vis a vis was at last relieved by the declini n g

- -

su n from his task and so the umbrella arm and its,

-

sleeve button were removed from my range o f vision

-
.
1 88 RI CHA RD VA ND E RM A R CK .

We c unted the mile posts and we looked som e

o -
,

times at our watches and s o the time wore away .

Kili an and Mary Leighton were ch attering in ce s

s a n t ly and did n o t pay much attenti o n to us
,
Kilian .

drove pretty fast almost all the way but s o metimes ,

forgot himself when Mary was too seductive and let ,

the h o rses creep along like snails .

”
There s o u r little tavern cried Kilian at last,
’
,

starting up the horses .

”
Oh I m so sorry murmured Mary Leighton
,
’
, ,

”
have had such a lovely drive .

My vis a vis groaned and looked at me as this

- -

observation reached us I lau ghed a little hysterically.

I was so glad to be at the half way house— and Mary -

Leight o n s w o rds were so absurd W hen we got out

’
.

o f the carriage the dissatisfied man stretche d his l o ng

,

E n glish limbs out and lighting his cigar began silently

, ,

to pace the bricks in front o f the house .

Kilian t o ok us int o the little parlor (we were the

first t o arrive) and com m itted us to the care o f a thin ,
,

tired looking w o man and then went to see to the

-
,

comfo rt of his h o rses .

The tired woman w h o lo o ked as if sh e never had

,

s a t d o wn since she grew up took u s t o some ro o ms , ,

where we were to rest till tea was ready The ro oms .

had been shut up all day and the s un had been beat ,
 R ICHA R D V A ND E RM A R C K .
1 89

ing o n them : they smell ed o f paint and dust and ill

brushed carpets The water in t he pitchers was warm
.

and n o t very clear : the towels were very small and

thin the beds were hard and the pillows very small
, , ,

like the towels : they felt soft and warm a nd limp like ,

sick kittens We threw open the windows and aired

.

the rooms and washed o u r faces and hands and Miss

,

Lowder lay down o n the bed and put her head o n a

pile o f four o f the little pillows collected from the
d i fferent rooms Mary Leight o n spent the time m
.

re arran i ng her hair and I wal ked up and down the

g
-
,

hall t o o impatient to rest myself in any way

,
.

—
B y and by the others came and then there was a
-
,

hubbub and a clatter and poor Miss L o wder s head

,
’

was overlooked in the m el ee ; for these were all the

rooms the house afforded for the entertainment o f
w ayfarers and as there were nine ladies in o ur
,

party it is not diffic ult to M agine the confusion

,

that ensued .

Benny and Charley also came t o have their hai r

arranged and it devolved on Charl o tte and me to do
,

it as their mamma had thrown herself exhausted o n

,

o n e o f the beds and with the bolsters d o ubled up

,

under her head was trying to get some rest

,
.

It was fully half past se ven before the tea bell rang
- - .

I s ei zed Be n ny s han d and we were the first on the

’
,
1 90 RI C HA R D VA J VDE R M A R CK .

h
w i
’
g round . I don t know o I thought th s would be
useful in hurrying m a tters fo r Benny s tea and mine
,
’

were very soon taken and were very insignificant

,

fractions o f the general busin ess .

There were kerosene lamps o n the table and every ,

thing was se rved in the plainest manner but the ,

cooking was really good and it was evident that the

,

tired woman had been o n her feet a ll her life to s o me

purpose A lmost every o n e w as hungry and the
.
,

contrast t o the cold meats an d the hard ro cks and

, ,

the disjointed apparatus o f the noonday meal w as ,

very favorable .

Richard had put me between hi mself and Benny ,

and he watched my undiminished supper with dis

approbation but I do not believe he ate much more
himself He put everything that he thought I might
.

like before me silently : and I think the tired woman

, ,

(who was waitress as well as cook ) m ust have,

groaned
over the frequent changing o f my plate .

”
D o not take any more o f that he said a s I put , ,

o u t my hand for another cup o f co ffee .

“
Well w ,
”
hat s hall I take ? I exclaimed peevishly .

But indeed I did not mean to be peevish nor did I ,

know quite what I said I was s o miserable Richard

,
.

sighed as he turned away and answered some questio n

o f S Ophie ; w ho w a s quite revived .
 R ICHA R D VA ND E R M A R C K
’ '

Charlotte and Henrietta each ha d an admirer o n e ,

o f the Lowders a n d a young Frenchman who had

,

come with the Lowders .

It had evidently been a very happy day with a ll

the young ladies from the house After tea the .

gentlemen must smoke and after the smoking there ,

was to be dancing The preparations for the d anci n g

.

created a good deal o f amusement and consumed a

great deal o f time Kilian and yo ung Low d er went
.

a mile and a half to get a man t o play for them .

When he came he had to be instructed as to the style

,

o f music t o be furnished and the rasping and scraping ,

o f that miserable instrument put me beside myself

“ ”
with nervousness Then the ball room had to be
.
-

aired and lighted ; then the negro s music was found ’

to be incompatible with modern movements even a

waltz was proved impossible and nobody would con ,

sent t o remember a quadri lle but Richard So they .

had t o fall back upon Virginia reels and everybody ,

was made to dance .

The dissatisfied man was at my side when the order

w a s given He turned to me languidly and o ffered
.
,

me his hand .

”
No I exclaimed , biting my lips with 1 m
,

’
patience, and added “
Yo u will excuse me won t
, ,

”
yo u ?
192

He sai d with grave phi losophy I really think it

, ,

”
will seem shorter than if we w e re l o oki n g o n .

I accepted this wise counsel and went to d ance ,

with hi m And wh at a dance it was

. The blinking
kerosene lamps at the sides o f the room the asparagus ,

boughs overhead the grinni ng negro o n the little

,

platfo rm by t he door : the amused faces lo o ki n g in at

t h e open windows the ro mping well dressed pretty ,
-
,

women : the handsome men w ho were trying to act

like clowns : the noise o f laughing and the calling out
o f the figures : a ll this I am sure I never shall forget
, , .

And strange to sa y I somewhat e n j oyed it after all

'

, , .

The c o ffee had stimulated me the music was merry

I was reckless and my companions were full o f glee
, .

E ven the em a ye skipped up and down the r o om

like a school b o y -
I never shall forget Richard s ’

happy and relieved expression when I laughed aloud,

at somebo d y s amusing blunder

’
.

Then came the reacti o n when the dancing was

,

over and we were getting ready t o go home I t was

,
.

a good deal after ten o clock and the night was c o ld

’
,
.

There were not q uite shawls enough no preparati o ns ,

having been made fo r staying o u t after dark Richard .

went up to Sophie (I was standing o u t by the steps

to be read y the moment the carriages should come) ,

and I heard him negotiating with her fo r a shawl fo r

 RI CHA R D VA N D E RM A R C K .
193

me She was quite impatient and peremptory though

.
,

ce tt e w e e The children needed both her extra ones

.

and there was an end of it .

I did n o t care at all and feeling warm with danc ,

ing did not dread what I had not yet fe lt I pulled

,
.

my light cloak around me and only lo n ged for the ,

carriage to arrive But after we had started and were

.

about forty rods from the door quite o u t o f the light ,

o f the little tavern just within a grove of locust trees

,
-

( the moon was under clouds ) Richard s v o ice called ,

’

o u t to Kilian t o st o p a n d coming up to the side of

,

“
the carriage said Put this around you Pauline you
, , , ,

”
haven t g o t enough
’
He p u t something around my
.

shoulders which felt very warm and comfortable : I

believe I said Thank you though I am not at all sure ,

, ,

a n d Kilian dr o ve o n rapidly .

B y and by when I began to feel a little chilly I

- -
, ,

drew it together round my throat : the air was like

N o vember and Au gust tho u gh it was there was a
, , ,

white frost that night I was frightened when I .

found what I had about my shoulders It was Rich .

’
ard s coat I called to Kilian to stop a moment I
.
,

wanted to speak to Richard But when we stopped .

,

the carriage in which he was to drive was just behind

us — and some o n e in it said Richard had walked He ,
.

had not come back after he ran o u t to speak to u s

9
 R I CH ARD VA NDE RM A R CK .

must have struck across the fields and gone ahead .

And Richard walked home five miles that night !

, ,

the only way to save himself from the deadly chill o f

the keen air with o ut hi s coat
,
.

When w e drove into the gate at home I stooped

, , ,

eagerly forward to get a sight o f the house thro ugh

the trees T here w a s a light burning in the roo m
.

over mine : that w a s all I wanted t o know and with ,

a sigh of relief I sank back .

When we went into the hall I remembered to hang

,

Richard s coat upon a rack there and then ran to my

’
,

room . I could not get a n y news o f Mr La ngenau .

,

and could not hear how the day had gone with him
could only take the hope that the sight of t h e li ttl e
lamp convey e d .
 C HAPT E R XV
I S H AL L H AV E S E E N H IM .

Go on, go on

T h o u can s t n o t s p e a k t mu h ;
oo c I ha ve d e se rve d
A ll t o n gu e s t o t a lk t h ir b i t t
e t e re s .

Win ter s ’
Ta le .

OF course the n ight was entirely sleepless after

,

such a day I was over tired and the co ffe e would

.
-
,

have been fa t al to rest in any case I tossed about .

’
restlessly till thre e o clock , and then fell into a heavy
sleep .

The sun was shi n ing into the room and I heard the ,

voices o f pe o ple o n the la w n when I a w oke Wh en .

I went down after a hurried and nervous half hour o f

,
-

dressing I found the morning apparently half gone

, , , ,

and the breakfast table cleared -

.

Mary Leighton with a croquet mallet in her hand

, ,

was followi ng Kilian through the hall to get a drink

o f water She m ade a great outcry at me and my a p
.

p e a ra n ce .

“What a headache o u must have ” sh e crie d ‘

y ,
.

'

But ah think what yo u ve mi ssed dear ! The

‘
’
,

tutor has been d own at breakfast , o r rather a t t he

 RI CH A R D VA NDE RM A R CK .

breakfast table for he di d n t ea t a thi ng He is a

-
,
’
.

little paler than he was at dinner day before yesterday

’ ’
and he s gone up s ta irs ; and we ve v o ted that we
hope he ll stay there fo r he d e presses u s just to look
’
,

”
at him .

And then with an unmeaning laugh she t ri pped

, ,

o n aft er Kilian to get that drink of water which was ,

nothing but a ticket fo r a moment s t ete C t éte away

‘
’ -
f

from the croquet party Richard had seen me by this .

time and came in a n d asked how I felt and ran g the

, ,

bell in the dining room and ordered my breakfast

-
,

brought He did not exactly stay and watch it but

.
,

he came in and o u t o f the dining ro o m enough times -

t o se e that I had everything that was dainty and nice

( and to see alas ! that I

,
could n o t eat it ;
) for that
piece o f news from Mary Leighton h a d levelled me
with the grou nd again .

That I had missed seeing him was too cruel a n d ,

that he looked so ill how c o uld I bear it ?

Aft er my breakfast was taken away I went into ,

the hall a n d sa t do w n on the sofa bet ween the par

,

lor do o rs Pretty soon the people came in from the

.

croquet ground talki n g fiercely about a game in

,

which Kili an and Mary had been cheating C harlotte .

Benson was quite angry and Charley who had played , ,

with her was enraged I thought they were such

,
.
 197

fools to care and Richard looked as if he tho ught they

,

were all silly chil d ren The day was warm and close
.
,

such a contrast t o the day before The sudden .

cold had broken down into a sultry August atmos

p h e re
. The su n which had been bright
,
an hour ago ,

was b ecoming obscured and the sky was grayish ,

.

E very one felt languid We were all sitting about.

the hall idly when a ser vant brought a note It

, ,
.

—
was an invitation ; that roused them a ll a n d for t o
day There w a s no time to lose
. .

The Lowders had sent to a sk us a ll to a croquet

party there at fo u r o clock ’
.

”
What an hour ! cried Sophie who was tired ; I ,

should think they might have let u s get rested fro m

”
the picnic .

B ut C harlotte and Henrietta were so much charmed

at the prospect of seeing s o soon the Frenchman and
the y o ung devoted Lowder t hat they listened to no ,

criticism o n the hour o r day .

”
“
How nice ! they said we shall get there a little ,

befo re five — play for a couple of hours—then have tea

o n the lawn perhap s
— ,
a little dance and home by ,

”
moonlight It was a ravishing prospect for their
.

unempl o yed i m aginations and they left no time in ,

rendering their answer .

Fo r myself I had taken a firm resolve

,
I would .
198 R I CHA R D VA N DE RM A R C K .

never repeat the misery of yesterday nothi n g should

persuade me to go with them but I would manage ,

it so that I sho uld be free from every o n e even ,

Richard .

Croquet parties are great occasions fo r pretty cos

t u m e s ; all this was talked over Wh at should I w e a r ?
.
*

Oh my gray grena di ne with the violet trimmings

, , ,

and a gray hat with violet velvet and feather .

”
You have e verything so perfect fo r that suit ,

said Mary Leighton in a tone o f envy

,
C ravat and .

”
parasol and gloves o f just the shade of violet .

“ ” “ ”
And gray b o ots I said ,
It i s a pretty sui t
. .

N o o n e but Sophie had such expensive cl o thes as I ,

but I cann o t say at that moment they made me very

happy . I was only thinking ho w improbable that
the gray suit would come out of the b o x that d a y ,

unless I sho uld be obliged to dress to mislead the

others till t h e last .

The carriages (for we filled two) were to be at the ,

d o or at fo ur o clock punctually The Low d ers were

’
.

five miles away : the wh o le thing was so talked about

and planned about that when dinner was over I felt
, ,

we had had a cro quet party and quite a l o ng o n e ,

at that .

Mr Lan genau did not c o me to dinner ; Sophie sent

.

a servant to his room after we were at t a ble to a sk ,

 RI CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
1 99

him if he wo uld come down o r have his din ner sent ,

to hi m ; but the servant ca m e back saying he did

!
,

n o t want any di nner with hi s compliments to M rs

,
.

Holl enbeck .

A la Do n n e it e u r e cried Kilian A skeleton

,
.

”
always interferes with my appetite at a feast .

“ ”
It is the only thing then that does isn t it ? , , ,
’

asked Charlotte who seemed to have a pick at him

,

al ways.

“
No not the only thin g There is o n e other—just
,
.

”
o n e o t her .

“ ”
And for the sake o f science what is that ?
, ,

A woman with a sharp tongue Miss Charlotte ,

.

Sophie I d on t think much o f these last soups Your

,
’
.

’ ”
famous cook s degenerating take my word ,
.

And so on while Charlotte colored and was silent

, ,

through the meal S he knew her tongue was sharp

.

sh e knew that she was self willed and was not humble -
.

But she had n o t taken herself in hand religiously ; to ,

’
take one s self in hand morally o r o n grounds o f ex ,

e d ie n cy never amounts to much ; and such taking

p ,

in hand was all that Charlotte had as yet attempted .

In a little passi o n o f self reproach and m o rt ifica t io n -

,

sh e occasionally lopped o ff ugly shoots ; but the root

was still vigo rous and lusty and only grew the better ,

for its petty pruning Richard looke d very much

.
2 00 RICHA R D V A N DE RM A R CK
’
.

displeased at his brother s rudeness and tried to make

’
,

u
p for it by great ki n dness and attention .

About this time I had become aware o f what were

Sophie s plans for Richard In case he mus t marry
’
.

(to be cu r ed o f me
) he was to marry
,
Charlotte who ,

was s o capable s o sen sible o f s o go o d family s o

, , ,

much indebted to Sophie and so decidedly averse to ,

living in the country S Ophi e sa w herself still m is

.

tress here with t o be sure a shortened income and

, , , ,

Richard and his wife spending a few weeks with her

in the summer I do not know how fa r Charlotte
.

entered into these plans Pro bably not at all con .

,

s cio u sl ; b u t I became aware that as a little girl

y , ,

Richard had been her hero ; and he did not seem to

have been displaced by any o n e entirely yet But I .

took a very faint interest in all this I should have .

cared probably if I had seen Richard devoted to her

, ,
.

He seemed to bel o ng to me and I should have re ,

sented any interference with my rights But I did n o t .

dread any I knew though I to o k li ttle pleasure in

.
,

the knowledge that he loved me with a ll his go o d and

,

m anly heart ; and it never seemed a possibility that

he could change .

The simple selfishness o f youn g women in these

matters is appalling Richard was mine by right o f
.

conquest and I owed him no gratitu d e for the ser vice

,
 RICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C H .
2 01

of his life That other was the lord w ho had the

.

right inalienable over me I bent myself in the dust .

before him I would have taken shame itself as an

.

honor from his hands I thought o f him day a n d .

night I filled my soul with passionate admiration

.

for his good deeds his ill deeds hi s all And the , ,
.

other was as the ground beneath my feet o f which I ,

seldom thought .

Richard met me at the foot o f t he stairs, after

dinner as I was going up
,
.

“
Pauline will you go in the carriage with Charlotte
,

”
and Sophie ? I am going to d rive .

“ ”
Oh it doesn t make any di fference I answered ,
,
’
,

“
with confusi o n Any where you choose .

I think he had m isgivings abo u t my going from

that mo m ent to allay which I called o ut s o mething ,

abou t my costume to Sophie as I went up t o my room .

The day was growin g duller and stiller and grayer , ,

.

I s a t by the window and w atched the leaden river It .

was like an afternoon in September befo re the chill ,

o f the autumn ha s come N o t a le a f moved upon the .

trees not a cloud crept over the sky It was all o n e

,
.

dim gray gloomy stillness o verhead I wondered if

, ,
.

they would have rain The y not I fo r I was go ing .

, ,

to stay at home a n d before they came back I should

,

have seen him I said that over and over to myself

.

*
9
2 02 RICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

wi th bated breath and cheeks that burned like flame

,
.

E very step that passed my d o or made me start g uiltily .

Once when some o n e kn ocke d I pulle d o u t my gray

, ,

dress and flung it o n the bed before I answered

, ,
.

It w a s appro aching fo ur o clock I undressed m y ’

.

self rapi d ly put o n a dressing sack and threw myself

,
-
,

u pon the bed What sh o uld I say when they came

.

for me ? They c o uld n o t m a ke me g o I felt very .

brave At last the carri a ges drove u p to the door I

. .

crept to t he w indow to see if any o n e was ready .

While I was watching thro ugh the ha lfc lo se d blinds ,

s o me o n e crossed the piazza My heart gave a great

.

leap and then every pulse stood still

,
It was Mr . .

Langenau His step was slower than it used t o be

.
,

a n d , I th o ught a little faltering

,
He cro ssed the road .
,

and t o o k t he path that led through the gr o ve and gar

d en to the river He had a book under his arm ;
.

he must be go i n g t o the boat house t o sit there and -

read My heart gave such an ecstasy o f life t o my

.

vei n s at the th o ught that fo r a moment I felt sick and

,

faint as I drew back fro m the win dow

,
.

I threw myself on the bed as some o n e kn o cked .

It was a servant t o tell me they were ready I sent .

w o rd t o Mrs Hollenbeck that I was n o t well and

.
,

sh o uld not be able to go with them Then I lay still .

and waited in much trepidation for the second knock .

 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
2 03

I heard in a few momen ts the rustle o f Sophie s d ress ’

outside She was n o t pleased at all

. She could .

scarcely be polite But then everythi n g lo oked very

.

plausible There lay my dress upon the bed as if I

.
,

had begun to dress and I was pale and trembling , ,

’

and I am s ure must have looked ill enough t o have

convinced her that I sp o ke the truth .

She made some feeble o ffer to stay and take care o f

”
me .
“
Oh pray don t I cried too eagerly I am
,
’
, , ,

afraid And then she said her maid should come and
.

stay with me fo r the childre n were goin g with them

, ,

and there would be nothing for her to do I stam .

mered thanks and then she went away I did n o t

,
.

dare to mo ve till after I ha d heard both carriages

drive o ff and all v o ices die away in the distance
,
.

Bettina came to the door and was sent away with ,

thanks Then I began to dress myself with very

.

trembli n g hands This was new work to me this

.
,

horrible decepti o n But all remorse for that was

.
,

swallowed up in the one en grossing thought and

desire which had usurped my soul for the days just
passed .

I t was a full half h o ur before I was ready my hands

-
,

sh o ok s o unaccountably and I could scarcely find the ,

things I wanted to pu t o n When I went t o the .

do o r I could hardly turn the key I felt s o weak and , ,

2 04 RI CH A R D VA JVDE RM A R C K .

I stood in the passage many min utes before I dared go

on. If any one had appeared o r spoken to me ,

quite sure I should have fainted my nerves were in

,

such a shaken state.

 C HAPT E R XVI .

A U GU S T T H IR TI E T H .

We re D e a t h s o un l ik e S le e p ,

C a ugh t t h i s w a y ? D e a t h s t o fe a r fro m fla m e o r s t e e l
’
, ,

O r p o is o n d o u bt l e s s ; b u t fro m wa t e r—fe e l !
Ro bert B ro wn in g .

I M E T no o n e in the hall o r o n the piazza The .

house was silent a n d deserted : o n e of the maids was

closing the parlor windows She did not look at me
.

with any surprise for s he had not probably heard that

,

I was ill .

Once in the Open air I felt stronger I took the .

ri ver path , and walked qui ckly feeling freed fro m a

-
,

nightmare : and my mind was filled with o n e thought .

“
In a few m o ments I shall be beside him I shall ,

make hi m look a t me he cannot help but touch my

,

”
hand i did not thi nk o f past o r future only of the
.
,

greedy passionate present My infatuation was at its

,
.

height I cannot imag ine a passion more absorbing

.
,

more unresisted and more dangerous I passed quickly

,
.

through the garden without even noticing the flowers

that brushed against my dress .
 RI C H A R D VA ND E RM A R CK .

As I reached the g ro ve I tho u ght for o n e instant '

o f the morning that he h a d m e t me here just where ,

the paths intersected At that moment I heard a .

step ; and full o f that h o pe with a quick thrill I , ,

glan ced in the direction o f the sound There not .

,

ten yards from me coming fro m the opposite d ire c

,

tion was Richard I felt a shock o f disappointmen t

,
.
,

then fear then a n ger W hat right had he to d o g me

,
.

so ? He looked at me with o ut surprise but as if ,

his heart wa s full of bittern ess and sorrow He a p .

ro a che d and turned as if to walk with me

p ,
.

”
I want to be alone I said angrily movin g a way , ,

from him .

”
No Pauline he answered with a sigh as he
, ,

”
turned from me yo u d o n o t want to be alone
,
.

Full o f shame and anger and jarred with the shock ,

and fear I went o n m o re slowly The wood was so

, .

l —
si ent the river thr o ugh the trees lay so still and
leaden I f it had n o t been fo r the fire burning in my
.

heart I could have thought the world was dead

,
.

There was not a sound but my o w n steps ; should

I soon meet him would he be sitting in his old seat
,

by the boat house do o r o r would he be wandering

-
,

along the dead still river bank ? What should I say

,
-

to him ? O he would speak If he saw me he wo uld .

have to speak .
 RIC H A R D VA J VDE RM A R C K .
2 07

I soon forgot that I had met Richard that I had ,

been angry ; and again I had but this one thought .

The pine co n es were slippery under my feet I .

held by the Old trees as I went down the b a n k step ,

by step I had to turn and pass a clump o f trees

.

befo re I reached the b o at house do o r -

.

'

I was there ! With a beating he a rt I stepped up o n

the threshold There were t w o d o ors one that O pened
.
,

on the path one that opened o n the river The house

,
.

was empty I had a little sinking pan g o f d isappoint

.

ment but I passed o n to the door lo o king out o n the

,

river By this door was a seat empty but o n this

.
, ,

lay a book and a stra w hat I could feel the hot .

blushes cover my face my neck as I cau ght sight o f

, ,

these I stooped down feeling guilty and took u p

.
, ,

the book It was a bo o k which he had read daily t o

.

me in o u r lesson hours It had his n ame o n the blank

-
.

page and was full o f his pencil marks I mean t to

,
-
.

a s k him to g i ve me this book I would rather have it

than anything the w o rld held when I should be parted ,

from him lWi en I sat down o n t he seat beside the

.

door w ith the bo o k lying in my lap the straw hat

, ,

o n the bench —
I l o nged to take it in my hands to
.

wreathe it with the clematis that grew about the door ,

as I had done one foolish happy afternoon not three , ,

weeks a g o But with a strange inconsisten cy I

.
,
ENDS . RJ C QZA I HD IC AAEDI WRALAJ NQE Z

dared not touch it ; my face grew hot with blushes

as I thought of it .

How sh o uld I meet hi m ? Now that the moment I

had longed for had arrived I wondered that I had ,

dared to long for it I felt that if I heard his step I

.
,

should fly and hide myself from him The re co lle c .

tion o f that last inter vi e w in the library— which I had

lived over and over nights a n d days incessantly since
, , ,

then came back with fresh fo rce fresh vehemence

, ,
.

But no step approached me all was silent ; it began ,

to impress me strangely and I looked about me I , .

don t know at what moment it was my eye fell upon

’
,

the trace o f footsteps o n the bank a n d then o n the ,

mark o f the boat dragged alo n g the sand ; a little

below the boat house it had been pushed o ff into the
-

water .

’
I started to my feet and ran down to the water s ,

edge (at the boat house the trees had been in the way
-

of my seeing the river a n y d is t a n ce ) , .

I st o o d still the water lapping faintly o n the sand

,

at my feet ; it was hardly a soun d I looked o u t o n .

the u n ru ffle d lead colored river : there about quarter

-
,

o f a mile from the bank the b o at was lying : empty ,

—motionless The oars were fl o ating a few rods

.

from her drifting sl o wly slowly d o wn the stream

, , , .

The sight seemed to turn my warm blood and

 RICH A R D VA JVDE RM A R C K .
2 09

blushes into ice : even before I had a distinct

impression o f what I feared I was benumbe d But ,
.

it di d not take many moments for the truth , o r a

dread of it to reach my brain
,
.

I covered my eyes with my hands then sprang up ,

the bank and called wildly .

’
My voice was like a madwoman s and it must ,

have soun ded far o n that still air In less than a .

m o ment Richard came hurrying with great strides

down the path I Sprang to him and caught his arm
.
,

and dragged him to the water s e d ge ’

.

” —
Look I whispered pointing to the hat and book
,

—and then out to the boat I read his face in terror

. .

It grew slowly deadly white

,
.

“ ”
My God ! he said in a tone o f awe Then .

shaking me from him sprang up the bank and his

, ,

voice was something fearful as he shouted as he ran , ,

fo r help .

There were men laboring two o r t hree fields Off

,
.

I don t know how long it took them to get to him

’
,

nor h o w long t o get a boat o u t o n the water n o r ,

what b o at it was I know they had r o pes and poles

.
,

and that they were talking in eager hu rried voices , ,

as they passed me .

I s a t on the steps that led down the bank clinging ,

to the low railing with my hands : I had sunk down

,
21 O RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R CK .

b ecause my strength had given way all at once and I ,

felt as if everything were r o cking and surging under

me Sometimes everything was black before me and
.
,

then again I could se e plainly the wide expanse of the

river the wi d e expanse o f the gray sky and between
, ,

—
them the empty motionless boat and the floating
, ,

oars beyond u pon the tide .

The voices of the men and the splashing o f the ,

water when at last they were launched and pulling

,

away from sh o re made a ringing frightful n oise in

, ,

m y head I watche d till I saw them reach the boat

’

— till I saw o n e o f them get over in it Then while .

they gr o ped ab o u t with ropes a n d p o les and lashed ,

their boats together and leaned over and gazed

,

d o wn into the water I watched in a strange b e

, ,

numbed state .

But by and by there were some exclamations a

,
- -
,
—
stir and e ffo rt o f strength I saw them pulling in the
, .

ropes with c o mbined movemen t I saw them leaning .

o ver the side o f the boat nearest the sh o re and, ,

together trying to lift something h eavy over into it .

I saw t h e water d ripping as they raised it —and then

I think I must have swooned Fo r I knew nothing .

further till I heard Richard s v o ice and raising my ’

, ,

head s a w him leaping from the b o at up o n the bank

,
.

The other boat was further o ut and was approaching ,

 R I CH A R D VA N DE RM A R C K
'

.
21 1

slowly I stood up as he came to me a n d held by

.
,

the railing .

”
I want yo u to go up t o the house he said gently , , ,

“ ”
there can b e no good in your staying here .

”
I will stay I cried everything coming back t o
, ,

“ —
I will wi ll see him ”
.

There is no hOpe Pauline he said in a quick

”
, , ,

vo rce for the boat was very n ear the bank o r very
, ,

—
little and you must not stay Everything shall be .

done that can be done I will do all But you m u st

'

. .

”
not stay .

“ ”
I will I sai d frantically trying to burst past
, , ,

him He caught my arm s and turned me toward the

.

boat h o u se g a n d le d me thro u gh it o u t into the path

-
,

that went up t o the grove .

“ ”
Go h o me he said in a voice I never shall for
, ,

“
get. You shall n o t make a spectacle for these men .

I have promised you I will d o all Mind yo u obey .

me strictly and go up to your room and wait there

,

”
till I c o me .

I don t know ho w I got there I believe Bettina

’
.

fo u nd me at the entrance to t h e garden and helped ,

me to the h o use and put me on my bed ,

.

An h o ur passed— perhaps more — a nd such an hour !

(for I was n o t fo r a moment unc o nsci o us after this , ,

only deadly faint and weak) and then Richard came ,

.
21 2 R I CHA R D VA NDE RM A R CK .

The door was a little O pen and he pushed it back and ,

came in and stood beside the be d

,
.

I suppose the sight of me s o bro ken and spoile d by ,

suffering overcame him for he stooped down sud

, ,

d e n ly and kissed me and then di d not speak fo r a

, ,

moment .

“
At l a st he said in a voice not qui te steady I
, ,

didn t mean to be hard o n you Pauline But you

’
,
.

”
know I ha d to d o it .

“
And there isn t any— any I gasped for t he
’

words and could hardly speak

, .

N 0 no n e Pauline he said keeping my hand in

,
”
, , ,

his. The doctors have just gone away It w a s all .

no use .

”
Tell me about it I whispered ,
.

”
About what ? he said looking troubled ,
.

”
About how it happened .

”
Nobody can tell he answered averting his face , ,
.

We can only conjecture about some things Don t .

’

”
try to think about it Try t o rest . .

”
How does he look ? I whispered clinging to his ,

hand .

“ ”
Just the same as ever ; more quiet perhaps he , ,

answered l o oking troubled ,

.

I gave a sort o f gasp but did not cry I think he , .

w a s frightened for he said u neas ily , , ,

 RI CHA R D VA NDE RM A R C K .
21 3

Let me call Bettina she can give you something

”
she can s it beside yo u .

’
I shook my head and said faintly Don t let he r
, , ,

”
come .

“ ”
I have sent for Sophie he said soothingly , , .

She w ill soon be here and will know w hat to do for ,

”
you .

“ ”
Keep her out of this room I cried half raising , ,

m yself and then falling back from sudden faintness

,
.

”
Don t let her come n ea r me I panted after a mo
’
, ,

ment nor any o f them but m o st o f all Sophie ;

,
“
.
, ,

remember— don t let her even look at me ; and with

’

moan ing I t u rn e d my face d o wn on the pillow I had

, , .

taken in about a tho usandth fraction o f m y great ca

la m it yby that time E very moment was giving to
.

me s o me additional p o ssessi o n o f it .

Some o n e at that instant called Richard in that ,

subdued tone that people use about a house in which

there is o n e dead .

“ ”
I have g o t to go he said un easily I still kept
, ,
.

hold o f his hand But I will come back before very

.

long ; and I will tell Bettina to bring a chair and sit

”
outside your d oor and not let any o n e come in
,
.

”
“
That will d o I said letting go his hand only I
, , ,

’ ”
don t want my d o or shut tight .

I felt as if the separation were n o t so entire so tre ,

214 R I CH A R D VA J VDE RM A R C K .

m e n d o us ,
while I could hear what was going o n belo w ,

and know that no door was shut between u s — no

door ! Bettina in a moment mo re had taken up her
, ,

station in the passage way outside -

.

I heard people coming and going quietly thr ough

the hall below I heard doors so ft ly shut and opened
. .

I knew by some intuition that lie w as lying m the

, ,

library They moved furnitur e wi th a smothered

.

sound ; and when I heard t w o o r three men sent o ff

’
o n messages by Richard even the horses hoofs seemed ,

to be muffled as they struck the ground This was .

the e ffect o f the coming in of death into busy house ,

hold life I had never been under the roof with it

.

before .

About dusk a servant came to the door with a tray ,

o f tea and something to eat that Mr Richard had ,

.

sent her with .

”
N o I said don t leave it here
, ,
’
.

But in a few moments Richard himself brought it

, ,

back I can well imagine how anxious and u nhappy

.

he felt He had perhaps never before had charge of

.
, ,

any o n e ill o r in trouble and thi s was a strange e x pe ,

rie n c e .

Yo u must eat somethi ng Pauline he said , ,

”
.
“
I
want you to Sit up and take this tea.
, .

I was not inclined to dispute hi s will, bu

t raise d my
 RI CHA R D VA N D E R M A R C H .
21 5

head and drank the tea and ate a few mouthfuls o f

, ,

the biscuit But that made me too ill and I put t he

.
,

plate away from me .

” “
I am very sorry I said, meekly but I can t , ,
’

”
eat it I fe el as if it choked me
. .

He seemed touched with my submissiveness and , ,

giving Bettin a the tray stood looki ng down at me as ,

if he did n o t know how to s a y something that was in

his mind Suddenly my ear always quick now ex
.
, ,

a
gg e ra t e d ly s o caught sound,
of carriage wheels I -
.

“ ”
started up and cried They are coming and hid my , ,

face in m y hands
.
.

“ ” “
Don t be troubled he said
’
yo u shall n o t be , ,

di sturbed .

”
Oh, Richard I exclaimed as he was going away
, , ,

after another undecided movement a s if to speak ,

“ ”
o u know what I want
y .

“ ”
Yes I know he said in a low voice
, , ,
.

’
And now they re come I cannot They will se e ,
.

”
him and I cannot
,
.

“ ’
Be patient I will arrange for you to go Don t
. .
,

’ ”
don t Pauline
,
.

For I was in a sort of spasm though no tears came , ,

and my sobs were more like the gasps o f a person

being suffocated than like o n e in grief ,
.

“
If you will on ly be qui et I will take you d own , ,
21 6 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K
'
.

after a few hours when they are all gone to their

,

rooms Pauline you ll kill me don t do s o — Pauline

.
,
’ ’
,

they ll hear you Try n o t to d o so ; that s righ t —lie

’
.
’

down and try to quiet yourself poor child I can t ,

.
’

”
bear to go away but there is S o phie o n the stairs .

He had scarcely time to reach the hall before S o phie

burst upon him with almost a shriek .

“
What is thi s h o rrible affair Richard ? What a ,

terrible disgrace and scanda l ! we never shall get over

it Will it get in the papers d o you thin k ? I am
.
,

so ill — I have been in such a state since the news came .

Such a d rive ho m e a s this ha s been ! Oh Richard

.
, ,

tell me a ll about it quickly Where is Pauline how

.

”
does she bear it ? maki n g fo r my door .

Richard put o u t his hand and stopped her I had .

sprung up from the bed and stood trembling vio

, ,

le n t ly at the further extremity o f the room

,
I do .

not kn ow what I meant to d o if she came in for I ,

was alm o st beside myself at that m o ment .

She was persistent angry agitated H o w well I

, ,
.

knew the curiosity that made her so intent to gain

admission to me It was not so much that I dreaded
.

being a spectacle as the horror and hatred I felt at

,

being approached by her coldness and hypocrisy while ,

I w a s so sore and wounded I w a s hardly responsible ;

.

I don t think I could have borne the touch o f her hand

’
.
 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A R OK .
21 7

But Richard saved me and sent her away angry, .

I crept back to the bed and lay down on it again I

, .

heard the others whisperi n g as they passed through

the hall Mary Leight o n was crying Charl o tte was
.

silent I don t think I heard her voice at all

.
’
.

After a l o ng while I heard them go down and go ,

into the dining room T hey spoke in very subdued

-
.

t o nes and there was only the slightest mo vement of

,

china and silver t o indicate that a meal was going on

,
.

But thi s seeme d t o give me a more franti c sense o f

change than anything else I flung myself across the
.

bed and another of those dreadful tearless Spasms

, ,

seized me Everything— all life— was going o n just

.

the same ; even in this very house they were eating

and drinking as they ate and drank befo re— the very
people who had talked with him this day ; the very
table at which he had s a t this morning Oh !they were .

s o heartless a n d selfish every o n e was ; life itself w a s .

I d id not know where t o turn for comfort I had a .

feeling of dreading every o n e o f shrinking away fro m,

every o n e .

“ ” “
Oh ! I said t o myself if Richard is with them,

”
a t the table I never want to se e him again
,
.

B ut Richard was not with them In a moment o r .

two he came to the door only to ask me if I wanted

,

anything and t o sa y he would come back by a n d by

,
e -
.

10
21 8

There was a question whi ch I longed so frantically

to a sk him but whi ch I d are d n o t ; my life seemed to
,

hang o n the answer M e n w e re t hey g o in g t o t a ke

.

him a w a y I had heard something about trains and

carriages and I ha d a wild dread that it w a s soon
,

t o be .

I went to the door a n d called Richard back a n d ,

made him understand what I wanted to know He .

lo ok ed troubled and said in a low tone

, ,

“ ’
At four O clock we go from here t o meet the
earliest trai n I have telegraphed hi s friends and
.
,

have had an answer I am going do w n myself and

.
,

it is all arranged in the best way I think G o and lie

,
.

down now Pauline ; I will come and t ake you down

,

”
soon a s the house is quiet .

Richard went away unconscious o f the stab hi s news

had given m e I had n o t counted o n anything so
.

sudden as this parting While he was in the house

.
,

while I was again t o look upon his face the end had ,

not come ; there was a sort o f hope though only a hope,

o f suffering something t o look forward to before

, ,

black m o notony began its endless day .

 C HAPT E R XVII .

BE S ID E H IM ON C E A GA m .

Th e re a re bl in d wa y p ro vid e d
s fo re do n e
,
t he
H e a rt we a ry p l a y e r in t h i s p a g e a n t wo rl d
-

D ro ps o u t by l e t t i n g t h e m a i n m as qu e d e fil e
,

By t h e c o n s p i c u o us p o rt a l .

R B ro wn in g
. .

Wh a t is t h i s wo rld ? Wh a t a sk e n m e n t o h a ve ?
No w wi t h h is lo ve —n o w in h is c o l d gra ve
A l o n e W i t ho ut e n a n y c o m p a n i e !
,

Cha ucer .

TH E tall old clock which stood by the dining room

,
-

door had stru ck two and been silent many minutes

, , ,

before Richard came to me I had spent those d read .

ful hours in feverish restlessness m y room seemed

suffocating to me I had walked about had put
.
,

away my trinkets I had changed my dress and p ut

, ,

o n a white o n e which I had worn in the morning and ,

had tried to braid m y hair .

The qui eting o f the house it seemed would never , ,

come It w a s twelve O clock befo re any one came u p

.
’

stairs I heard one door after another shut and then

.
'

sa t waiting and wondering why Richard did not come ,

220 RI CHA R D VA N D E RM A R CK .

till the moments seemed t o grow t o centuries At .

last I heard him at t he door and I went toward it ,

trembling a n d fo llo w e d him into the hall He carried

,
'
.

a light for u p stairs it w a s all dark and when we

,
-
,

reached the stairway he took my hand t o lead ,

me I w a s trembling very much the hall below was

.

dimly lit by a large lamp which had been turned low .

Our steps on the bare staircase made so much noise ,

though we tried to m ove s o silently It was weird .

’
and awful I clung t o Richard s hand in silence
. .

He led me across the hall and stopped befo re the ,

library d oor He let go my han d and taking a key

-
.
,

from his pocket put it in the lock turn ed it slowly

, , ,

then opened the door a little way and motioned me ,

to en ter .

Like o n e in a trance I obeyed hi m and went in , ,

’

alone He shut the door noiselessly and left me with

.
,

the dead .

That was the great the immense hour o f my li fe

,
.

No viciss itude no cala m ity of this mortal state n o ex

, ,
-

rie n ce that may be to come ca n ever have the force

p e , ,

the magnitude o f this All feelings but a child s .

,
’

feelings were c o mparatively new t o me and here at

, , ,

o n e moment I had put into my hand the plummet

,

that sounded hell ; anguish remorse fear a — , ,

woman s heart in hopeless pain Fo r I will not be

’
.
 RI C H ARD VA ND E RM A R C E .
22 1

lieve that any child that any woman had eve r loved
, ,

more absolutely more passionately than I had loved

, ,

the man who lay there dead be fore me But I can .

not talk about what I felt in those moments a ll that

concerns what I write is the extern al .

—
The co ffin was in the middle o f the room where ,

the table ordinarily stood— where my chair had been

that night when he to ld me his story Surely if I
,
.

sinned in tho ught in word t ha t night I paid its full

, , , ,

atonement t hi s Candles stood o n a small table at

,
.

the head o f where he lay and many flowers were ,

about the r o om The smell O f verbena leaves filled

.
-

the air : a branch o f them w a s in a vas e that some o n e

had put beside his co ffin The fresh cool night a ir .
,
-

came in from the large window ope n at the t o p ,

.

His face was as Richard said much a s in life only

, , ,

quieter I do n o t kno w what length o f time Richard

.

left me there but at last I w as recalled to the present

, , ,

by his hand upon my shoulder and his voice in a ,

”
whisper Come with me now Pauli ne
“
, ,
.

I rose to my feet hard ly understanding what he,

said but resisted whe n I did understand him

,
.

”
Come with me he said gently You shall com e
, , ,

back again and say good bye Only come o u t into the -
.

hall and stay awhile w ith me ; it is not good for you

”
to be here s o long .
 He took my han d and led me out, shutting the
door noiselessly He took me across the hall and
.
,

into the parlor where there was no light except what

, ,

came in from the hall There w a s a sofa opposite the

.

door and to that he led me standi n g hi mself before

, ,

me with his perplexed and care worn face I w as

,
.

very silent fo r some time : all that a wful time in the

library I had never made a s o und : but suddenly
, ,

some thought came that reached the so urce o f my

tears and I burst into a passi o n of weeping I am
, .

not sure what it was : I think perhaps the sight o f , ,

the piano and the reco llecti o n o f that magn ificent

,

voice that w o uld never be heard again Whatever it .

wa s I bless it for I think it saved my brain I

, ,
.

threw myself d o wn upon the s o fa and clung to ,

Richard s hand and sobbed and s o bbed and so bbed

’
, , ,
.

Poor fellow !my tears seemed t o shake him terribly .

Once he turned away and drew his hand across his ,

brow as if it were a little more than he could bear

,
.

B ut some m e n like many women are born to sa cri

, ,

fice .

He tried to comfo rt and soothe me with broken

words But what was there t o sa y ?
.

”
“
Oh Richard I cried What d o es it all mean ?
,
“
, ,

why am I so punished ? was it so very wicked t o have

l o ved hi m after I knew all ? Was all this allowed to
 223

come because I did that ? Answer me tell me ; tell ,

”
me what you think .

’ ’
No , Pauli n e I don t think that was it Don t
,
.

talk about it now Try to be quiet You are not fit

. .

”
to think about it now .

But Richard what else can it mean ? I know I

, , ,

know that it is the truth G o d wo uldn t have sent such

.
’

”
a punishment upon m e if he hadn t seen my s in ’
.

“ ’
It s more likely He sent it t o and then he
paused .

I know now he meant it was more li kely He had ,

sent it t o save me from the sins o f others ; but he had

the holy charity not to sa y it .

”
“
Oh I crie d , passionately When all the sin was
,
“
,

mine that he should have had to die : when he never

,

came near me never looked at me : when he would

,

rather die than break his word to me That night in .

the library, after he had told me all , he said I will ,

‘

n ever loo k into your eyes again I will never touch ,

your hand and though we were in the same room

together after that and in the same house all this
,

time and though he knew I loved him so he never

,
—
lo o ked at me he never turned his eyes upon me ;
,

and I— I was willing to sin fo r him — to die for him .

I would have followed him to the ends of the earth ,

”
not t w elve hours ago .
 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A R CK .

“
Hush Pauline said Richar d huskily
, , yo u ,

’
don t know what you re saying yo u are a — ’

child .

No I m not a child— after to d ay after to night

,
’
,
-

—I am not a child— and I know too well what I sa y

—t o o w ell —t o o well Richard yo u don t know what.
,
’

has been in my heart That night he held me in .

,

his arms and kisse d me—when he said good bye -

.

Then I was inn o cent fo r I was d azed by grief and ,

had not come to my senses after what he t o ld me ,

.

But to day I said—to d a y— to have his arms around

- -

me once again —to have him kiss me once again as

he kissed me then— I would go away from all I ever
had been taught o f right a n d duty and wo uld be ,

”
satisfied .

Then , thank God for what has come said Richard , ,

hoarsely wiping from his forehead the great drops

,

that had broken out upon it .

“
NO I cried with a fresh burst o f weepi n g .

N o I cannot thank God for I want him back again

, ,
.

I w a n t hi m I had rather d ie than be separated from

.

him I cannot thank God for takin g him away from

.

me Oh Richard what shall I do ? I loved hi m

.
, , ,

loved him so Don t look s o stern ; don t turn away

.
’ ’

from me You u sed to love me Could you thank

. .

G o d for ta king me away fro myou o u t o f yo u r arms , ,

 R ICHA R D VA NDE RM A R C H 225

warm and strong and li ving and making me cold

, , , ,

and dumb and sti ff like tha t ?

, ,

Y e s Pauline if it ha d been to save us both from

, ,

Yo u ’
don t know what love is if you sa y that ,
.
”

I know what sin is better than you do maybe , ,

.

Listen Pauline I ve lo ved yo u ever since I s a w you ;

,
.
’

’
men d o n t often love better than I have loved you ;
’
but I d rather drag you to night to that black river ,
-
,

there and hold you down with my o w n ha n d s till the

,

breath left your body than se e you turn into a sinful,

woman and lead the life o f shame yo u tell me yo u

,

”
ha d it in your heart to lead to day ,
-
.

”
I s it so very awfu l ? I whispered with a shi ver ,

“
m y own emotion stilled before his I only loved .

”
him !
”
Forget yo u ever di d he sa id risin g and pacing , , ,

up and down the room .

I put my hands before my face and felt as if I were ,

alone in the world w ith s in If this unspoken pas .

,

s io n a t e sweet thought that I had harbored were s o

, , ,

full o f danger as to force God t o blast me with such

punishment a s to drive this tender generous loving
, , ,

man to wish me d ead what must be the black n ess of ,

t h e sin from which I had been sav ed if I were saved ? ,

If there were indeed anything but shocks o f w o e and

, ,
*
10
 RI CHA RD VA NDE RM A R C KZ

punishment an d deadly despair and darkn ess in this

, ,

strange world in which I found mysel f There was a .

silence I rose to my feet I don t know what I

. .
’

meant to d o o r where to go ; my only impulse was to

hide myself from the eyes of my companion and t o go ,

away from him as I had hidden myself from all others

, ,

since I w a s smitten with this chastisement .

”
“
F o rgive me Pauline he said co m ing to my side
, , ,
.

It is the second time I have been harsh with yo u

this dreadful day This is what c o mes o f selfishn ess
. .

”
I hope yo u will fo rget what I have said .

I still turned to go away feeling afraid of him a n d ,

ashamed before him He put out his hand to stop

.

me .

“
Pauline remember I have been sorely tried I
, ,
.

’
would do anythin g to comfo rt vou I haven t a n .

o ther wish ih my heart but t o be o f us e t o

”
o u
y .

”
Oh Richard I cried burstin g in t o tears afresh
, , , ,

and hiding my eyes if yo u give me up and drive me

,

away from you I am all alone There isn t another

,
.
’

human being that I love o r that cares for me Dear

Richard do be good to me do be s o rry for me
,
.

”
I am sorry for you P auline ; yo u know that
,
.

And yo u will take care of me I cried stretching ,

o u t my arms toward hi m with a sudden overwhelm ,

~

ing sense o f my loneliness a n d destitution .

 227

Yes Pauline to the end o f my life o r of yours as

, ,

”
if you were m y sister or almost my child .

”
‘
Dear Richard I whispered as I buried my face
, ,

“
on his arm if it were n o t for vou I should not live
,

thro u gh this d readful time I hope I shall die soon.

as soon as I a m better But till I do di e I hope yo u

.
,

”
will be good to me and love me ,
And I pressed his .

hand against my cheek and lips l ike the poor frantic , , ,

grief bewildered child that I w a s

-
.

At this moment there came a sound Of movement

in the stables : I heard one o f the heavy doors thrown
open and a man leading a h o rse across the stable
,

flo o r
.
(The windows were O pen a nd the n i ght was

very still ) Richard starte d and looked un easily at his

.
,

watch stepping to the door to get the light

,
.

”
H o w late is it ? I faltered .

”
Half past three he said turning his eyes away as
-
, , ,

if he could not bear t he sight o f my face I do n o t .

like to remember the dreadful moments that followed

this : the misery that I put upon Richard by my
passionate ungoverned grief I threw myself upon
,
.

the flo o r I clung to his knees I prayed him to delay

, ,

the hour of going— another hour another day I said ,

.

a ll the wild and fran tic thi n gs that were in my heart ,

as he clos e d the libra ry door and le d me t o my

-

room .
228 RI CH A R D VA N D E RM A R C K .

Try to sa y your prayers, Pauline w a s a ll he could ,

a n swe rme .

I did try to s a y them a s I knelt by the wind o w ,

and s a w in the dull gray dawn th o se two carriages

, ,

drive slowly from the door .

Richard went away alone Kilian indeed came .

down stairs ju st a s he was starting

-
.

Sophie had awakened, and called him into her

room for a few moments .

Then he came down and I s a w him get into the

,

carriage alone and motion the man to dri ve o n

,
:

after that other— which stood waiting a few rods

farther on .
 C HAPT E R XVIII .

A J OU R N E Y .

He, full o f m o d e s t y a n d t ru t h ,

Lo ve d m uch h o p e d l i t t l e a n d d e s i re d
, ,
nou gh t .

Ta sso .

Fre s h gri e f c a n o ccu p y it lf

se

Wi t h it s o w n re c en t s m a rt ;
I t fe e d s i t se lf o n o u twa rd t h in g s ,

A nd no t on it s o wn h e a rt .

F a ber

A T H ING which surprises me very m uch in looking

over those d ays o f su ffering, is that during that day ,

a frightful irritability is the emotion that I most re

member— a n irritability o f feeling not o f expression ,

fo r I lay quite still upon the bed all day and only ,

answered briefly and simply the questions o f Sophie

, ,

and the maid .

I could not sleep : it was many hours since I ha d

slept : but nothing seemed f urther from possibility
than sleeping The lightest sound enraged my nerves :
.

the appro ach o f any one made me frantic I lay with .

my hands cru shed together and my teeth against ,

each other w henever Sophie entered the room

,
.
230

She trie d to be sympathetic and kind : but she was

not much encouraged Toward afternoon she left me
.
,

“
a good dea l alone I wonder how people feel when
.

”
they are going mad I sai d getting up and putting
, ,

cold water o n my head I was so engaged with the .

strange sensations that pursued me t hat I did not ,

dwell upon my trouble .

“
Is this the way yo u feel when yo u are going to
”
die ? or what happens if you never go to sleep ? My
body was s o young and healthy that it was makin g a ,

go o d fight .

J ust at dusk Richard returned In a little while

,
.
,

about half an hour Sop hi e came and t o ld me Rich

,

ard would like to s e e me in her little dressing

room .

The day of panic and horror was over and pro ,

rie t ie s must begin their s w ay I felt I hated S hi

p O p e .

fo r making me go o u t O f my o w n room but I pulled ,

a shawl o ver my shoulders and followed her across the

hall into her little room There Richard was waiting .

fo r me .He gave me a chair and then said Y o u “

, ,

”
needn t wait Sophi e and s a t down beside me
’
, ,
.

Sophie went away half angry and Richard looked ,

at me uneasily .

“
I thought you d want to se e me he sai d
’ ”
,
.

Y e s, I answere d ;
” “
I wish you d tell me eve ry ’
 231

”
thing but in so commonplace a voice I know that
, ,

he was startled .

Y o u do not feel well do you ? Maybe we d bet ,

’

ter not talk about it now .

“
Oh yes Y o u might as well tell me all to night
,
.
” -
.

Well everythi n g is done The two persons to

,
.

whom I telegraphed met me at the station There .

was very little delay I went with them to the .

”
cemetery .

“
I am very glad o f that I tho u ght perhaps you .

’ ’
wouldn t go Was there a clergyman o r don t they
.
,

have a clergyman when— when—J ’

“
There was a clergyman said Richard briefly , ,
.

”
I hope you ll take me there some time I said
’
,

dreamily Should yo u know where to g o e x a ct ly ?

.
fl

“ ” “
Exactly he an swered,
But Pauline I am , ,

afraid yo u ha vn t rested at all to day Have yo u

’ -
.

”
slept ?
“
No ; and I wish I could ; my head feels so
strangely— light, yo u know and a s if I co uldn t -
’

”
think .

“
Haven t yo u seen the Doctor ?
’

N o —and that s what I want to s a y I w o n t have

’ ’
.

the D o ctor here ; and I want you to take m e home ‘

t o morrow morning early

- I have put a good many
,
.

o f my clothes int o my t run k a n d Bettin a will help

’

,
2 32 RI CH A R D VA NDE R M A R C K .

’
me with the rest t o night Isn t there an y train be
-
.

” ’
fore the five o clock ?
“
No ”
sa id Richard uneasily
,
Pauline I think
,
.
,

”
you d better n o t arrange to go away t o m o rro w
’ i .

“
If you d o n t ta ke me out of this house I shall go
’

mad I have been thinking about it a ll day and I

.
,

”
kn o w I shall .

Richard w a s silent for a moment then with the , ,

wise instinct of a ffecti o n won d erful in man and in a , ,

man who had had n o experience in d ealing with

diseased o r suffering minds he acquiesced in my plan ,

t o go told me that we w o uld take the earliest train ,

and interested m e in thoughts ab o ut my packing .

’
Ab o ut nine o clock he came to my room door and I -
,

heard some o n e with him It was the Doctor . .

I turned upo n Richard a fierce look and said very , ,

quietly he might g o away fo r I would not see the

,

D o ct o r After that they tri ed me with S ophie but

.
, ,

with less succes s and finally Richard came ba ck , ,

alone with a glas s in his hand

,
.

“
Take this Paulin e it will make yo u sleep
, ,
.

I wanted to sleep very much so I took it ,

.

Bettina had finished my packing and had laid my ,

travelling dress and hat upon a chair .

Shall Bettina come and sleep on the floor by your ,

”
bed ? aske d Richard an xio usly ,
.
 No I wo uld not ha ve her for the world
, .

”
Maybe yo u might not wake in time said Richard , ,

w
That was very true so I let Bettina come Richard .

gave her some instructions at the door and sh e came ,

in and arranged thi n gs for the night and lay down o n

,

a mattress at the foot of my bed .

The sedative which the Doctor sent di d not work

very well I had very little sleep and that full o f such
.
,

hideous freezing dreams , that every time I woke I found

, ,

Bettina standing by my b e d looking at me with alar m

,
.

I had been screaming and moaning she said The ,

.

screaming and moaning and sleepi n g (such as it w a s) ,

were all over in about two hours and then I had the
,

rest o f the night to endure with the same strange

, ,

light feeling in my head— the restlessness not much ,

bu t so m ewhat abated .

I was very glad that Betti n a was in the room for ,

though she was sleepy and always a little stupid she

, ,

was human and I was a coward both in the matter

, ,

o f loneliness and o f su ffering I made her sit by me

.
,

and take hold of my hand and I asked her several

,

ti mes if she had ever been with any o n e that died ,

o r that— I di d n o t quite dare to a sk her about

going mad .

My questions seemed to trouble her She crosse d .

2 34 RI CH A R D VA NDE RM A R C E .

herself and shuddered and said N 0 she had never

, , , ,

been with any o n e that die d and she prayed the g o o d ,

G o d never to let her be .

“ ’
You ll have to be with o n e person that dies ,

Bettina That s yourself You know it s g o t to come

.
’
.
’
.

’ ”
We ve all got to go o u t at that gate and I moane d , ,

and turn ed my face away .

”
Let me call Mr Richard said Bettina very muc h
.
, ,

afraid I would have give n a ll the World to have seen

.

Richard then ; but I knew it was imp o ssible and I ,

said N o it w o uld soon be m o rning

, ,
.

L o ng befo re m o rning I heard Richard up and ,

walking a bo ut t h e h o use We were to leave the .

house at half past four By fo ur all the trunks and

-
.
, ,

shawls and packages were strapped and ready and I

, , ,

was sittin g dressed and wai t ing by the window

,
.

Bettina liked very much better to pack trunks a n d ,

put r o o ms in order than t o sit still and hold a per

,

s o n s hot hands in the middle o f the night and have

’
, ,

drea d ful questions asked her ; and she had been very
active and e fficient Soon Richard called her to c o me
.

d o wn and take my breakfast up to me I c o uld not .

eat it and it was taken away Then the carriage

,
.

came and the w a g o n t o take the b ag gage Finally

,
.
,

Ri chard came and told me it was time to start , if I

,

were ready .
 235

Sophie came into the room in a w rapper looki n g ,

very d utiful and patient and said all that was dutiful
,

and civil But I suppose I was a fiery trial to her

.
,

and she wished no doubt that she had n ever seen me

, , ,

or better that Richard never had All this I felt

,
.
,

through her decently framed go o d bye but I did n o t -

,

care at all ; to be o u t of her sight a s soon as possible ,

was all that I requested .

When we went down in the hall Richard looked ,

anxiously at me but I did not feel as if I had ever

,

been there before ; I really had no feeling I said .

good bye to Bettina who was the o nly servant that I

-
,

s a w, and Richard put me into t h e carriage Wh en .

we drove away I did n o t even lo o k back As we

,
.

of
“
assed out o f the gate I said t o hi m What day
p , ,

the month is it to day ? -

’

”
“
It is the first o f September he returned ,
.

”
And when did I come here ? I asked .

Early in J im e w a s it not ? he said Y o u know

,
”
.

”
I was not here .

”
“
Then it is not three months and I leaned back ,

wearily in the carriage and was silent ,

.

Befo re we reached the city Richard had go od rea,

s o n t o think that I was very ill He made me as .

comfo rtable as he could poor fellow ! but I w a s so

,

restless I co uld n o t keep in o n e position two minutes

,
236 R I CH A R D VA N D E RM A R C K .

at a time Several times I turned to hi m and said,

.

It is suffocating in this car ; cannot the window be

”
put up ? and when it w as put up I would seem to ,

feel n o relief and in a few moments perhaps would

, , ,

be shaking with a nervous chill It must have been .

a miserable j ourney as I remember it Once I

,
.

said to Richard after some useless trouble I had put

,

him to I am very sorry Richard I do n t know ho w

,
“
, ,
’

”
to help it I feel s o dreadfully
,
.

Richard tried to answer but hi s voice was husky , ,

and b e bent his head down t o arrange the bundle o f

shawls beneath my feet I knew that there were .

tears in his eyes and that that was the reason that he
,

did n o t speak It made me strangely momentarily

.
,

grateful .

”
How strange that yo u should be so good I said ,

“
drea mily when S o phie is so hateful and Kili an is
, ,

s o trifling I think y o ur mother must have been a

.

good w o man .

’
I had never talked about Richard s mother before ,

never even thought whether he had had o n e or n o t ,

in my supreme and light hearted selfishness But the -

.

mind at such a point as I was then makes strange

, ,

plun ges o ut o f its own orbit .

“
And she died when you w ere little ?
Y e s when I was scarcely twelve years o ld
,
.
 RICHA R D VA NDE RM A R C K .
2 37

“
A woman o u ght t o be very good when it makes
s o much di fference to her children Richard did my .
,

u n éle ever tell o u anything about my mother— what

y
”
sort o f a woman she was and whether I am like her ?
,

“ ”
He never said a great deal to me about it Richard ,

“
answered not looking at me as he talked
,
He thinks .

y o u are like her ve

,
r
y strikingly I believe ,
.

“
Think !I haven t even a scrap o f a picture of her
’
,

and no o n e has ever talked to me about her All I .

have are some old yellow letters to my father writte n ,

before I was born I think she loved my father very

.

much The noise o f these cars makes me feel so

.

strangely Can t we go into the one behind ? I am

.
’

’
sure it cannot be so bad .

This is the best car o n the train Pauline I ,

.

know the n o ise is very bad but try to bear it for a

,

”
little while We shall soon be there
. And s o o n .
,

through the weary journey .

At one station Richard got o ut and I saw him ,

speaking to several men I believe he was hopin g to

.

find a doctor for he w a s thoroughly frightened

,
.

Before we reached the city I was past being fright

ened fo r myself fo r I was suffering too much to think
,

o f what might be the result of my con d iti o n When .

we left the cars and Richard put me in a carriage the

, ,

motion o f the carriage and its jarring over the stone s

238 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R CK .

were almost unendurable Richard was too anxious .

now to s a y much to me The e xpression o f relief o n.

his face as we reached Varick street was unspeakable -

.

He hurried up the steps and rang the bell then came ,

back fo r me and half carried me u p the steps

,
.

The d o or was opened by A n n Coddle w ho was ,

thro w n into a helpless state of amazement by s eeing

me n o t knowing why in this conditi o n I did co m e o r
, ,

why I came at all She shrieked and ejaculated a n d

.
, ,

backed almost down the basement stairs Richard .

sternly t o ld her she was acting like a fool and ordered ,

her to show him where Miss Pauline s room was that ’

,

he might ta ke her to it .

“ ”
But her room isn t ready ejaculated Ann coming
’
, ,

t o herself which was a wretched thing to come to a s

, ,

p o o r Richard found .

N o t ready ? well make it ready then

,
Go before ,
.

me and O pen the windows and I will put her o n the ,

”
s o fa till you have the bed ready fo r her .

—
The sofa o h Mr Richard it s all full o f her d ear ’
,
.
,

clothes that have come up from the wash .

“
Well then take them o
, ,
ff— —
idiot and do a s yo u
”
are t o ld .

“
Oh Miss Pauline o h my poor dear lamb
,
-
Oh , ,
.
,

’
I m all in a flutter ; I don t know what t o do I d ’
.
’

bette r call the cook ”

.
 R IC H A R D VA ND E R M A R C K
’
.
239

Well ta n the co o k then said Richard groaning

, , , , ,

”
on ly tell her to be quick .

All this time Richard was supporting me up the

stairs As we reached the top Richard called o u t
.
, ,

Te ll P e t e r I want him at once to take a message for

'

”
m e .

A was watching o ur progress up the stairs with

nn ,

gr o ans and ejaculations forgetting that she was t o ,

call the cook At the m en tion o f Peter she ex

.

claimed
“
He s laid up w ith the rheumatism Mr Richar d
’
,
. .

Oh whatever shall we do
,

When we reached the middle o f the second pair o f /

stairs I was almost helpless Richard took me in his

,

arms and carried me

,
.

“
Is it this door Pauline dear ? he said Opening
”
, ,

the first he came to .

I should think the room had n o t been o pened since

I went away it w a s s o warm and close
,
.

Richard carried me to the s o fa and scattered the ,

Cin g e ri e fa r and wide as h e laid me down upon it a n d ,

went to o pen the windows Then he went to the .

bell and pulled it violently In a few moments the .

cook came u p (accompan i ed by Ann) She was a .

huge, unwieldy w o man but she had so m e in t e llig e n ce

, ,

and knew better than to whimper .

2 40 RI CHA R D VA N DE R M A R CK .

”
Miss Pauline is ill he sa id and I want you to
, ,

stay by her and not leave her for a moment till I

, ,

come back Make that woman get the room i n order

.

”
instantly and keep everything as quiet a s yo u can
,
.

“
To me : I am going to bring a doctor and I shall ,

be back in a few moments D o not worry they wi ll .

,

’
take g o od care of yo u .

W hen I heard Ri chard shut the carriage d oor and -

drive away rapidly I felt as if I were abandoned and

, ,

by the time he returned with the Doctor I was in a ,

state that warranted them in supposing me un co n

sci o us tossing and moaning and u t tering inarticulate
, ,

words .

The Doctor stood beside me and talked about me ,

to Richard with a s much fre e d om as if I had been a

corpse .

“ ”
I may as well be frank with you he said a fter a , ,

“
few moments of examination I apprehend grea t .

trouble from the brain How l o ng ha s she been in

.

”
this condition ?
“
She has been unlike herself since yesterday ; as
soon as I s a w her at seven o clock last n ight I n o t ice d
,
’
,

sh e was looking badly She answered me in an a h

.

s t ra ct e d O dd way and w a s unlike herself as I have

, , ,

said But she had b e en under much excitement fo r

.

”
s om e tim e .
 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R OK .
2 41

Tell me if yo u please all abo u t it and how long

, ,

she has been under this excitement

”
.

“
She has been o ften agitated a n d quite overstrained ,

in feeling for some time Three weeks ago I thought

.

her looking badly Two days ago she had a frightful

.

— —
shock a suicide which she was the first to discover .

”
Since then I do not think that she has slept .

“
Ah ! poor young lady She has had a terrible .

experience and is paying for it Now for what we

,
.

can do for her In the first place who takes care o f

.

”
her ? with a look about the room .

“
Y o u may well ask I have just brought her home
.
,

and find here the man servant ill o n e woman too Old
,
-
,

and inactive to perfor m much service a n d another to ,

whom I w o uld n o t trust her for a moment I must .

”
ask yo u w h o sh all I get to take care o f her ?
,

You have no friend no o n e to who m yo u could

,

send in such a case ? One o f life and death I hOpe — ,

”
you understand ?
“ ” “
None answered Richard with a groan
,
There ,
.

is not a person in the city to whom I c o uld send fo r

l —
help A l my family all o u r friends are away Is .
,
.

—
there n o one that can be got for m o ney any m o ney ?
n o nurse that you c o uld rec o mmend

“
I have a list o f twenty Yesterday I sent to .

every o n e for a dangerous case of hemorrhage and

, ,

11
24 2 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

could not find one disen gaged It may be to morr ow .

-

night before yo u get o n the track o f o n e that is at

liberty if you hunt the city over And this girl is in
,
.

need o f instant care ; her life hangs o n it you must ,

se e .

In God s name then said Richard wi t h a groan

’
, , , ,

pacing up and down the room w “

hat am I t o do ,

“ ”
In !f i g name if you come t o that said the
, ,

Doctor who was a good sort of man notwithstanding

, ,

his professi o nal cool ways there is a sisterhood that , ,

I a m told o ffer t o d o things like this I never sent .

to them fo r I only heard o f it a short time a g o ; but

,

if yo u have no o bj ecti o n t o crosses and caps and , ,

ritualistic nonsense in its highest flower I have no ,

doubt that they will let yo u have a sister and that

, ,

”
she ll do go od ser vice here
’
.

”
The direction said Richard t o o eag er to be civil
, ,
.

”
H o w am I t o get there ?
The Doctor pulled over a pocket c ase o f loose -

papers and at last fo u nd o n e which b e hande d his

, ,

companion .

I give you three quarters o f an hour to get back ,

he said I will stay here till then at all events Do

.
,
.

—
not waste any tim e n o r spare any eloquen ce he ”
,

ad d ed to himself a s Richard h urried from the room

,
.
 OH A PTE R x rx .

S I S TE R MAD E L IN E .

Y e s ! it is we l l fo r us fro m t h e s e a l a rm s ,

Li k ch ild
e re n s c a re i n t o t h i n e a rm s ;
d , w e fly
A n d p re ss i n g s o rro ws p u t o ur p rid e t o ro ut
Wi t h a swift fa i t h wh i c h h a s n o t t i m e t o d o ub t .

L e a rn b y a m o rt a l y e a rn n i g to a sce n d
Tw do ar s a h igh j
er o b e ct . Lo ve was give n ,

E n co u ra ge d ,
d ch i e fly fo r t h a t e n d ;
i
s a n ct o n e ,

Fo r t h i s t h e p a s s i o n t o e x c e s s w a s d rive n
Th a t s e lf m igh t b e a n n ulle d h e r b o n d a ge p ro ve
Th e fe t t e rs o f a d re a m o pp o s e d t o l o ve
, .

Wo rds wor th .

TH E nex t thi n g that I recall is rousing fro m slum ,

ber or something related to slum ber and seeing a tall

, ,

w o man in the dress o f a sister standing by my bed ,

.

It was night and there was a lamp u pon a table near

,
.

The unusual dress and the un familiarity o f her whole

,

appearance made me start and stare at her half rais

, ,

ing myself in the bed .

” “
Why did yo u come here ? I said Who sent .

for you
“
I came because you were sick and suffering and ,
2 44 R I CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

I was sent in the Name and bendi n g her

head slightly she said a Name too sacred fo r these
,

pages .

I gave a great sigh o f relief and sank back on ,

my p illow Her answer satisfied me fo r I was not

.
,

able t o reason I let her hold my hand ; and a ll

.

thro ugh that dark and troubled time su bmitted t o

her will and desired her presence and w a s soothed
, ,

by her v o ice and t o uch .

Sister Madelin e was not at all t he ideal sister ,

being tall and dark and with n o thing peculiarly

,

dev o tional o r pensive in her cast o f feature Her .

face was a fine earnest o n e Her m o vements were

,
.

full of energy and decision though not qu ick o r ,

sharp . The whole impression left was that o f

on e by nature far fro m humili ty tenderness de , ,

v o t io n ; but by the force o f a magnificent faith

, ,

made passionately humble devout fro m the very ,

heart more t han humanly compassionate and ten

,

der .

I never felt toward her as if she w ere born so

“

-
but as if she were rescued from the world by
some great effort or experience ; a s if it were all
”
“
made gro und reclaimed from nature by infinite
,

patience and incessant labor She lived the life of .

an angel upon the earth I never saw her by look

.
, ,
 RICH A R D VA NDE R M A R C K .
245

by word ,
or tone t ransgress the leas t o f the com
,

m a n d m e n t s s o wonderful was the curb she held

,

over all her hum an feelings N o r was this per .

fection attained by a sudden and grand sacrifice ;

the consecration o f hersel f to the religious life was
’ ”
not the single step twixt earth and heaven but
“
,

it was attained by daily and hourly study— by the

practice o f a hundred self denials —by the most -

accura t e science o f spiritual progress .

Doubtless saints can be made in other ways but

, ,

this is o n e way they can be made starting with a ,

sincere intention to serve God At least so I be .

,

lieve fro m knowing Sister Madeline

,
.

She made a great change in my life a n d I o w e ,

/

her a great deal It is not strange I feel enthusiasm

.

for her I cannot bear to think what my coming

.

back to life would have been without her .

Of the alarming nature of my illness I only ,

know that there were several days when Richard

never left the house but wai t ed hour after ho ur in
, , ,

the library b el o w fo r the news o f my con d ition

, ,

and when even Uncle Leonard came home in the

middle o f the day and walked about the house
, ,

silent and unapproachable .

One night— ho w well I remember it ! I had been

convalescent I do not know how long ; I had passed
,
 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

the childish state of interest in my bo ui lli and ,

fretfulness about my p e ig n o ir my mind h a d begun

to regain it s ordinary power and with the first efforts ,

o f memory and thought had come fearful d e pre s

sion and despondency I was so weak physically .

“

, ,

that I could not fight against this in the least Sister .

Madeline came to my bedside and fo und me in ,

an agony of weeping It was not an easy matter .

to gain my confidence for I thought she knew noth

,

ing o f me a n d I was not equal to the mental e ffort

,

o f explaining myself ; sh e was only associated with

m y illness But at las t she made me understand
.

that she was not ign o rant of a great deal that

troubled me .

“ ”
Who ha s told yo u ? I said my heart harden ,

ing itself against Richard who could have spoken ,

of my trouble to a stranger .

”
“
Y o u yourself she answered me
, ,
.

I have raved ? I said .

”
Yes .

And who has heard me ?

No one else I sent every o n e else from the
.

room whenever y o ur delirium became in telligible .

This made me grateful toward her ; and I longed

for sympathy I threw m y arms about her and wept
.

bitterly
.
 24 7

”
Then you kn o w that I can never cry enough ,
I

”
I d o not know that she answered After a vain ,
.

attempt to soothe me with general words o f com

“
fo rt sh e said with much wisdo m
, ,
Tell me exactly ,

what thought gives you the most pain now at this , ,

”
moment .

“
The th o u ght o f his dreadful act and that by it he ,

”
has l o st his s o ul .

”
We know with Whom all things are possible she ,

said and we do not kn o w what cloud may have

,
“

been o ver his reas o n at that moment Would it c o m .

fort yo u t o pray fo r h im
“ ”
Ought I ? I aske d raisin g my head ,
.

”
I d o n o t kn o w any reas o n that yo u ought not
sh e returned
“
Shall I s a y s o me prayers fo r him now ?
.

o
”

I grasped her ha n d z she t o o k a little b o o k from

her po cket and knelt d o wn beside me holding my
, ,

hand in hers Oh the mercy the relief of those

.
, ,

prayers ! They may not have done him any go od ,

bu t they did me The h o peless gri ef that was killing

.

me I wept it fr om my heart that hour

,
”
.

”
“
Pro m ise me o n e thing I whispered as she ro se ,
.

“
that yo u will read that prayer every h o ur during ,

the d a y t o m o rrow by my b e d whether I am sleep

'

-
, , ,

”
in g o r awake .
24 8 R I CHA R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

I promise she said and I am sure she kept her

,
”
,

word that day and many others aft er it

,
.

During my convalescence which was slow I had , ,

n o other p erson near me and wanted none Uncle ,

.

Leonard came in once a day and spent a few minutes , ,

much to his disc o mfort and my disadvan tage Rich .

ard I had not seen at all and dreaded very much to ,

meet Ann Coddle fretted me and was very little in

.
,

the room .

Over these days there is a sort o f pea ce I was .

entering up o n so much that was new and elevating ,

under the guidance o f Sister Madel ine and was so ,

entirely infl uenced by her that I w as brought o u t o f ,

my tro uble wonderfu lly N o t o u t of it o f course but

.
, ,

from under it s crushing weight I k n ow that I am .

rather easily influenced and only too ready t o follo w

,

those who have w o n my love Therefore I am in .

,

every way thankful that I came at such a time under

the influence o f a mind like that o f Sister Mad e
line .

But the time wa s approaching for her t o go away .

I was well enough to do without her and she h a d ,

other duties The sick room peace and indulgence

.
-

were over and I must take up the burden o f every day

,
-

life again I was very unhappy and felt as if I were

.
,

without stay o r guidance .

 RIC H A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
2 49

”
To whom a m I to go when I am in doubt ? I
“ ”
said you will be so far away .

“
That is what I want to arrange : the next ti m e
o u are able to go o u t I want to take you to some
y ,

”
o n e w h o can direct yo u much better than I .

“ ” “
A priest ? I asked Tell me o n e thi ng : will
.

he give me absolution
”
I suppose he will if he finds that yo u desire it
,
.

What would be the use o f going to him for any

” “
thing else ? I sai d It is the only thing that can
.

”
give me any comfort .

All pe o ple do n o t feel so Pa uline ,

.

B u t you feel so dear Sister Madeline d o you

,

not ? Y o u can understan d how I a m burdened , and

”
how I long to have the bands undone ?
“ ”
Yes Pauline I can understand
, ,
.

I am not in clined to give much weight t o my o w n

O pinions and as for my feelings I know they were
, , ,

then those o f a child and in many ways will always

, ,

be I can only s a y what comforted me and what I

.
,

longed for There had always been great force to me

.
,

in the Scri pture th at says Whosesoever sins ye remit

, ,

they are remitted unt o them and W hosesoever sins ye ,

retain they are retained even before I felt the bur

,
”
,

den of my sins .

I had once seen the ordination o f a priest and I s up ,

2 50 R I CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

pose that added to the weight of the wor d s o ve r after

in my mind I never had any doubt of the p o wer
.

then conferred and I no sooner felt the g u ilt a n d stain

,

o f s in upon my soul than I yearn ed to hear the par d on

,

spoken that Heaven o ffered to the penitent I had

,
.

been tangibly smitten I longed to be tangibly healed .

Whatever shame and pain there was about layin g

bare my s o ul before another I gladly embraced it as , ,

o n e poor means at my command o f showin g to Him

whom I had o ffended that m y repentance was actual

, ,

that I st o pped at no humiliation .

It may very well be that these feelings wo uld find

no place in larger grander m o re self reliant natures ;
, ,
-

that what healed my soul w o uld only wound another .

I am n o t prepared to think that o n e remedy is c u re

for all diseases but I know what cured mine I bless
,
.

“
God fo r the so o thing hand that Love on Conscience
”
laid. I mark that h o ur as the beginning o f a fresh
and favored life the dawning of a h o pe that has not
yet lost it s power
to ta m e
Th e h gh t y b w
au ro , to c u rb t h e un c h d e ye
asten e

An d h p t d d
s a e o ee s of g o o d e a c h wa ve ri n g a im .
 T HE H OUR OF DAW N .

S lo wl y ligh t ca m e , th e t hi n n e st d awn ,
No t hi
sun s n e, to my nig h t ;
A n ew , m o re s p i ri t u a l t h in g ,

An a dve n t o f p u re lig h t .

A ll gri e f h a s it s li m i t s ,
a ll c h a s t e n in g s th e i r p a use ;
Thy l v o e a n d o ur we a kn ess a re s o rro w s t wo l aws ’
.

TH E wi nter that follow e d seemed very long and

uneventful After Sister Madeline went away my days
.
,

settled themselves into the routine in which they con

t in u e d to revolve for many months I was as lonely .

a s fo rm e rl save for the compani nshi p f well chosen

y o o
~ -
,

books and for the direction o f an other mind which I

, ,

felt to be the truest support and guidance I was .

taught to bend to my uncle s wishes and to give up ’

,

constant church going and visiting am o ng the poor

-
, ,

which would have been such a resource and o ccupa

tion to me And so my life outwardly was very lit
.
, ,

tle chan ged from former years— years that I had fo und “

almost insupportable without any sorrow ; and yet

, ,

strange to sa y I was n o t unhapp y

,
.

My hours were full o f little duties little rules (I ,

.
2 52 RICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K
’
.

su ppose my heart was in them o r I sho uld have found ,

them irksome ) Above all I wa s n o t permitted t o

.
,

brood over the past : I w a s ta u ght t o feel that every

thought o f it indulged was a sin and to be accounted
, ,

for as such : I co uld only remember the o n e for whom

I mourned on my knees in my prayers
, ,
This .

checked a s nothing else could have done the morbid

, ,

tendency o f grief in a l o nely unoccup ie d u n d is ci

, , ,

lin e d mind I was thoroughly obedient and bent

p .
,

myself with all simplicity to follow the instructions

given me Sometimes they seemed very irrelevant
.

and u seless but I never rebelled against any even

, ,

o n e that seemed as hard to flesh and blood a s this .

And I have sooner or later seen the wisdom o f them

, ,

all as I have worked o ut the problem o f my correction

, .

Obedient as I w a s though and simple as t he

, ,

routine o f my life continued sometimes there came ,

crises that were beyond my strength .

I can remember o n e ; it w a s a furious storm— a

day that nailed one in the house There was some .

thing in the rage without that d isturbed me ; I wan

dered about the h n d fo u nd myself u nable to

settle to any task .one to speak to ! Oh it was ,

w ent i nto mv uncle s room

’
s o dreary to be alo

where there were many books Am o ng those that .

were there I found o n e in French (I have n o idea ,

 RIC H A R D VA ND E RM A R OK .
2 53

how it came there I am sure my uncle had never read ,

it ) I carelessly turned it over and finally became

.
,

absorbed in it I came upon this passage .

Q uel plus noir abi me d a n g o isse y a t il a u

’ - -

monde que le c oeur d un suicide ? Q uand le mal ’

heur d un homme est d u a quelque circonstance de s a

’

vie o n peut e spe re r de l en voir dél ivrer par u n

,
’ ’

changement qui peut survenir dans sa position .

Mais lorsque ce malheur a sa sour ce en lui ; quand

c est l ame elle m eme qui est le tourment de l ame ;
’ ’
-
’

la vie elle m eme qui e st le fardea u de la vie ; que

-

’
faire que de re co n n a it re en gémissant qu il n y a rien
,
’

a faire— rien , selon le monde ; e t qu u n tel homme, ’

plus a plaindre que ce prisonnier que l his t o ire no u s ’

peint dans les ango isses de la faim se repaissant d e ,

s a pr o pre chair e st réduit a dévorer la substance ,

m eme de s o n am e dans les horreurs de so n d é se s

p o ir E t qu im a g in e t il d o n e po ur échapper a lui
.
’
- -

m eme com m e a s o n plus cruel ennemi ? Je n e dis

,

pas : Oii ira— t il loin de l e sprit de Dieu ? o ii fu ira t il

‘ -
’ - -

l o in de sa face ? Je demande o h ira t il loin de s o n ’

,
- -

pr o pre esprit ? o il fuira t il loin de s a propre face ? - -

O ii descendra t il q u il n e s y suive lui m eme ; o il se

- -
’ ’ -

cachera t il qu il ne s y trouve encore ? Insensé,

- -
’ ’

d o nt la fo lie égale la mis ere quand tu te seras tué o n , ,

dira : I l est mort ; mais ce sont les autres qui le

‘ ’
2 54 RIC H A R D VA ND E RM A R CK
'
.

d iront ; sera pas toi m eme Tu seras mort pour

cc n e -
.

ton pays m o rt pour ta ville mort pour t a f amille ;

, ,

mais pour t o i m eme pour ce qui pense en t o i, hélas !

-
,

pour ce qui s o uflre en toi tu vivras touj ours

’

,
.

E t comment n e sens tu pas que pour cesser d etre

’
-
,

’
malheureux ce n est pa s ta place qu il faut changer
,
’
,

c est t o n c oeur Q u e tu disparaisses sous les flo t s,

’
.

’
u u n plomb meurtrier brise ta t ete u un pois o n
’
u
q o q ,

subtil glace tes veines ; quoi qu e t u fasses e t o h que ,

t u ailles tu n y peux aller qu a ve c t o i m eme

’ ’ -
, ,

u a ve c ta mis ere ! Q u e dis e ?

u a v e c ton c oeur
j
’ ’
q q
-
,

Tu y v a s avec un c o mpte de plus a rendre a la ,

renc o ntre d u grand Dieu qui d o it te juger ; tu y vas

avec l é t e rn it é de plus p o ur sou ffrir e t le temps de
’
,

moins po u r te repentir !
A moins que tu n e penses peut é t re pa rce qu e l oeil -
,
’

de l homme n a rien v u a u del a de la tombe que c ette

’ ’
-
,

vi e n ait pas de suite Mais non tu n e saurais le

’
.
,

cr o ire ! Q uand tous le s autres le penseraient t o i tu , ,

n e le pourrais pas Tu as une preuve d im m o rt a lit é

.
’

qui t a ppa rt ie n t en propre

’
Cette tristesse qui te .

c o nsume est quelque ch o se de trop intime e t de trop

,

profond pour se d iss o udre avec tes o rganes e t c e qui ,

est capable de tant souffrir n e peu t pas s aller perdre ’

dans la terre Le s vers hériteront de la p o ussi ere d e

.

t o n corps mais l a m e rt u m e de ton am e qui en hé

’
, ,
 RI C H A R D VA N DE RM A R C K .
2 55

rit e ra ?
Ces extase s sublimes ces tourments affreu x ; ,

ces hauteurs des cieux ces profondeurs des abimes

,

qu y a t il d a ss e z grand o u d a ss e z abaissé d a sse z

’ - -
’ ’
,
’

élevé ou d a ss e z avili pour les re vé t ir en ta place ?

’

Non tu n e saurais jamais cro ire que tout meurt av ec

,

le corps ; ou si tu le pouvais tu n en serais que plus ’

'

”
insensé plus m isera ble encore
,
.

It is pro of how child like I had been ho w obedient

-
,

in suppressing all forbidden tho ughts that these words ,

smote me with such horror I had indulged in no .

speculation ; I had never thought o f him as haunted

by the self he fled ; as still bound to an inexorable
and inexti n guishable life ,

Wi t h t i m e a n d h o p e b e h i n d h im c a s t
A nd a ll h is wo rk t o d o wi t h p a l s i e d h a n d s a n d c o ld .

The terrors I had had had been vague I had ,

.

thought d imly of punishment m o re keenly o f sepa ,

rati o n I f I had analysed m ythoughts I suppose I

.
,

should have found annihilation to have been my b e

—
li ef death forever l o ss eternal —
But this if this .
,

—
were truth (and it smote me as the truth alone can
smite) o h it was maddening To my knees ! To
, ,
.

my knees Oh that I might live long years t o pray

,

for him ! Oh that I might stretch o u t my hands to

,

God for him withered with age and shrunk with

,
 56 R I C H A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

fasting and strong but in faith and final perseverance !

,

Oh it c o uld not be t o o late ! What was prayer made

,

for but for a time like this ? What was this little
,

breath of time compared with the Eternal Years that

, ,

we should only speak n o w for each other t o o ur mer

ciful God and never speak for each other afterward ?
,

Spirits are forever ; and is prayer only fo r the days o f

the body ?
It w a s well fo r me that none of the doubts that are
s o often expressed had found any lodgment in my

brain ; if I had not beli eved that I had a right to pray

fo r him and that my prayers might help him I can
, ,

no t understand how I could have lived through tho se

nights and days o f thought .
 C HAPT E R !!I .

A PR Es P E R DR E ,
P E R D ON B IE N .

Wh a t to t h o se wh o un d e rs t a n d
A re to -
d y
a
’
s en o j ym e n t s n a rro w ,

Wh i c h t o m o rro w g o a g a in
-
,

Wh i c h a re sh a re d w i t h e vil m e n ,

A n d o f wh i c h n o m a n in h is d y i n g
T a ke t h a ugh t fo r s o ft e r ly i n g ?
IT was n o w early spring : the days were lengthen
ing and were growing soft Lent (late that year) was .

nearly o ver I had begun to think much about the

.

summer and to wonder if I were to pass it in the

,

city There was one thing that the winter had

.

developed i n me a n d that was a s o rt of affection for

, ,

my uncle I had learned that I owed him a d u ty

.
,

and had tried to find ways o f fulfilling it ; had taken

a little i nterest in the house and had tried to make ,

him m ore c o mfo rtable A lso I had prayed very con .

s t a n t ly for him and perhaps there is no way m ore

,

certain o f establishing an affection o r at least a charity ,

fo r an o ther than that

,
.

In ret urn he had been a little more human to me

,
2 58 RIC H A R D VA N D E R M A R C K .

than formerly had shown some interest in my health

, ,

and continued appreciati o n o f the fact that I was in

the house Once he had talked to me fo r perhaps
.
,

half an hour about my m o ther fo r which I was un

, ,

speakably grateful Several times he ha d given me a

.

good deal o f money which I had cared much less

,

ab o ut Latterly he had permitted me to go to church

.

alone which had seemed to me must be owing to

,

Richard s intervention
’
.

Richard had been almost as much as formerly at

the house : my uncle was becomin g more and more
dependent on him For myself I did not s e e as
.
,

much o f him as the year befo re We were always .

together at t he table of course But the evenings

,
.

that Richard was with my u n cle I thought it u n ,

necessary for me to stay down stairs Besides n o w -

.
, ,

they almost always had writing o r business affairs t o

occupy them .

It was natural that I should go away and n o o n e ,

seemed t o notice it Richard still brought me b o o ks

.
,

still arranged things for me with my uncle (as in

the matter o f going to church alone) but we had n o ,

m o re talks together by ourselves and he never asked ,

me to g o any where with him At Chri stmas he .

sent me beautiful flowers and a picture fo r my r o o m

,
.

S Ophi e I rarely saw and only longed never to s e e

,
 RIC H A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
2 59

Benny was permitted to come and spend a day with

me at great intervals and I enj oyed him more
, ,

than his mother o r his uncle .

One day my uncle went do wn t o his o ffice in his

usual health ; at three o clock he was brought home
’

senseless and only lived till midnight dying without

, ,

recovering speech o r conscio u sness It was a sudden

.

seizure but what everybody had expected everybody

,

was shocked for the m o ment and then wondered

,

that they were It was very appalling to me ; I

.

was so unhappy I almost believed I loved him and

, ,

I certainly mourned fo r him with simplicity and

affection .

The preparations for the funeral were so frightful ,

a n d all the th o ughts it br o ught s o unnerving that I ,

was almost ill A great deal came upon me in

.
,

trying t o m anage the wailin g ser vants and in help ,

:

ing Richard in arrangements .

It was the day after the funeral ; I was t ire d o u t

and had lain down o n the s o fa in the dining room -
,

pa rtly because I hated to be al o ne u p stairs and -

,

partly because it was not far from lunch time and I -

,

felt too weary to take any needless steps I don t .

’

think ever in my life before I had lain down o n that

s o fa o r had spent two ho u rs except at the table in
, , ,

that ro o m It w a s a most cheerless room and no one

.
,
 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

ever though t o f sitting down in it except at meal ,

time I closed the shutters and darkened it t o suit

.

my eyes whi ch ached and I think must have fallen

, ,

asleep .

The parlor was the room which adjoined the

dining room (only two large rooms on o n e floor as
-
,

they used to build) and separated from it by heavy

,

mahogany columns and sli di ng doors These doors -

.

were half way O pen and I w a s roused by voices in

-
,

the parlor As soon a s I recovered myself fro m the

.

sudden waking I recognized Sophie s and then,

’

Richard s I wondered w ’
. hat Richard was doing u p
to w n a t that h o ur and s o Sophie did too fo r she
, ,
-

asked him very plainly .

”
“
I thought I ought to come to se e Pauline she ,

“
said but I did not suppose I sho uld find yo u here
,

”
in the middle o f the day .

There is something that I ve got t o s e e Pauline ’

” “
about at o nce he sa id and s o I was obliged to
, ,

come u p— town .

“Nothing has happened ? ” s he said in terrogatively .

N he answered evasively , .

“ ’
But she went o n : I supp o se it s s o mething in rela
tion to the will ; I h o pe she s well provided for, poor ’

”
thing .

”
“
Sophie said her brother with a change of tone
, , ,
 R IC H A R D VA NDE RM A R C K .

You ll have to hear it some time and perhaps you

’
,

may as well hear it now It is that that I have .

come u p town about ; there has bee n some strange

-

”
mistake made there is no will .

” “
N 0 will ! ech o ed Sophie Why you tol d me , ,

once
That he had left her everything So he told me .

twice last year ; so I have always believed to be the

case Since the day he died the most faithful search
.
,

has been made ; there is not a corner o f his o ffice o f ,

his library o f his room that I have n o t hunted

, ,

through He was so methodical in business matters

.
,

s o exact in the care o f his papers that I had little ,

hope after I had gone through his desk I cannot

,

understand it It is altogether dark to me

. .

What can have made him change his mind about

it Richard ? Can he have heard anything about
,

last summer ?
“
N o t from me Sophie But I have sometimes
,
.

thought he knew fro m allusions that he has made

,

to her mother s marriage more than once this

’
,

winter .

“
H e was very angry a bo irt that at the time I sup , ,

”
pose ?
“
Yes I imagi n e so The man sh e married w a s
,
.

po o r and a fo re ig n e r : two things he hated I never

,
.
262 RIC H A R D VA IVDE RM A R C K .

heard there was anything against him but his

”
poverty .

“
How can he have heard about Mr Langena u ? .

said Sophie musingly ,

.

I think Pauline must have told him said Richard ,

.

Pauline ? never She is much too clever ; she

.

never told him Y o u may be quite sure o f t ha t

.
”
.

“
Pauline clever !P o or Pa uline said Richard with ,

a short sa rcastic laugh which had the effect o f making

, ,

Sophie angry .

” “
I am willing sh e said that she sho uld be a s
, ,

stupid and as good as you can wish To who m

”
does the money g o ? she added as if she had n o t ,

patience for the other subj ect .

‘
To a brother wi th wh o m he had a quarrel and
, ,

”
whom he had not seen for over sixteen years .

Incre d ible
But there had been some sort o f a reconciliation
at least an exchange o f letters within these three ,

”
months past .

”
(C
Ah I
And it is in consequence o f hearing from him ,
’

a n d being pressed by his la w e r fo r an immediate

y
settle m ent o f the estate that I have come up to tell ,

Pauline and to prepare her for her chan ged pros

,

”
p e ct s .
 26 3

”
And what do yo u propose to advise ? asked
Sophie with a chilling voice
,
.

”
Heaven knows Sophie answered her brother
, , ,

“
with a heavy sigh I s e e n o thing ahead for the
.

poor gi rl but loneliness and trial She is utterly u n

,
.

fit to struggle with the world And she has not even .

”
a shelter for her head .

“
Richard interrupte d his sister with intensity o f
”
, ,

“
feeling in her voice I s e e what yo u are trying to
,

persuade yourself : d o not tell me after what has ,

passed you still feel that you are bound to he n

,

“ ”
B o u n d ! exclaimed Richard with a vehem e nce ,

most strange in him as pacing the room he stood

, , ,

still before his sister H is back was toward me She

. .

was so abs o rbed she d id n o t s e e me as I darted past

the fol d ing doors int o the hall As I flew panting up
-
.

to my o w n r o om I rememb er o n e feeli n g above all

,

others the first feeling of affect ion toward the house

,

that I had ever had It was mine no lo n ger my .

,

home never again I had no ri ght to stay In it a mo

ment : my o w n room was not mine any more— the
room where I had learned to pray and to try to lead ,

—
a good life the room where I had lain when I was so
—
near t o death the room where Sister Madeline had
led me to such peaceful quiet tho u ghts I had bu t ,
.

o n e wish now not to s e e Richard t o escape Sop hi e to

, , ,

I
264 R I CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

get away fo rever from this house to which I had no

right I pulled down my hat and my street things
.
,

and dressed s o quickly that I had slipped down the

,

stairs and o u t into the street befo re they had ceased

, ,

talking in the parlor I heard their voices very lo w

.
, ,

as I passe d through t he hall I fully meant never t o

.

—
c o me back to the house again not to be turned out .

My heart swelled as the d o or closed behind me It .

was dreadful n o t to have a home I was so unused t o .

being in the street alone that I felt fri ghtened when

,

I reached the cars and st o pped them

‘

I was goi n g t o Sister Madeline She would take .

m e and keep me a n d teach me where to live and ho w

, , ,
.

I w as a little confused and g o t o u t at the wrong

,

street and had to walk several blocks before I reached

,

the house .

The servant a t the doormet me with an answer

that made me wonder whether there were anythi n g
else to happen to me on that day .

Sister Madelin e had been called away had gone o n

a long journey—something about the illness o f her
brother ; and I must n o t c o me inside the door for a ,

contagious d isease was ragi n g and the orders were ,

strict that n o one be admitted I had walked so fast .

,

and in such excitement O f feeling that I was weak ,

and faint when I turned to g o down the steps

'

.
 26 5

Where should I go ? I walked o n slowly now and ,

undecided for I had no aim

,
.

The clergyman to whom I had gone fo r direction

—
in matters Spiritual was ill fo r t w o weeks had gi ven
,

up even Lenten duties Anything— but I could not .

go h o me o r rather where h o me had been I walked

,
.

and walked till I wa s almost fainting and fo und m y ,

self in the Park There the l o vely indications o f

.

spri ng and the qui et and the fresh air soothed me

, , , ,

and I s a t down under some trees near the water and ,

rested myself But the same giddy whirl of thoughts

.

came back the same incompetency to deal wi th such

,

strange facts and the same confusion I do not know

,
.

how long I wandered about ; but I was faint and weary

and hungry and frightened t o o for people were be
, ,

ginning to look at me .

It began to force itself upon me that I must go back

to Varick street after all and take a fresh start
-
,
.

Then I began to think ho w I should get back o n ,

whi ch side must I g o to find the cars—where was I ,

literally . Then I sat down t o wait till I should see ,

some p o liceman o r some kind l o okin g person near

,
-
,

me t o whom I c o uld apply fo r this very necessary

,

info r mation In the meantime I t o ok o u t my purse

.

to se e if I had the pr o per change Verily not that .

, ,

nor any change at all ! My heart actually stood still .

12
26 6 RICH A R D VA N DE RM A R C K .

Yes it was very true : I had given away right and

, ,

left durin g this Lent : cari n g nothing for money and

, ,

being very sure o f more when thi s was gone I was .

literally penniless I ha d no t even the money t o ride

.

home in the cars .

Till a person ha s felt thi s sensation he has not had ,

o n e of the most remarkable ex eriences of life To

p .

know where you can get money t o feel that there is ,

some d e rn i er r ess or t however hateful to you is one

, ,

—
thing ; but o kn o w that yo u have not a cent not a
t

prospect o f gettin g one— not a hope o f earnin g one

n o means of li ving— this is su ffocation This is t he .

stopping o f that breath that keeps the world alive .

The bench on which I happened to be sitting was

o n e o f those pretty little covered seats which jut o u t
, , ,

into the lake I looked down into the water as I s a t

.

with m y empty purse in my lap and remembered ,

vaguely the many narratives I had seen in the news

papers about unaccounted fo r and unknown suicides - .

—
I could se e how it might be inevitable a sort o f
pressure a fatali ty that might n o t be resisted E ven
, . .

coward ice might be overcome when that pressure

was put o n .

It is a very amazing thing to feel that yo u have no

money n o r any means o f getting even eightpence : it
,

chokes yo u : yo u feel as if the wheel had made it s las t

 RI CH A RD VA ND E RM A R C K .
2 67

revolution and there was no power to make it turn

,

again It is not any question o f pride o r of inde

.
,

e n d e n ce when it comes suddenly ; it is a feeling o f

p ,
’
the inevitabl e ; you do uht turn to others Y o u feel .

your individual failure and you stand alone ,

.

Fo r myself this was my reflection : I had not even a

,

shelter for my head ; Richard had said s o I had not .

a cent o f money and I had no means of earning any

,
.

The uncle who was coming to take possession of

the ho use and furniture was o n e whom I had been ,

taught to distrust and dread He would perhaps .

, ,

not even let me go into my r o om again and would ,

turn me o u t to morrow if he came : my clothes— were

-
,

t he y even mine o r would they be given to me if they

, ,

were ? T his uncle had repr o ached Uncle Leonard

once for what he had do ne fo r me I had even an .

’
idea that it was about my mother s marriage that the
quarrel had occurred And hard a s I had regarded
.

Uncle Leonard he had been the soft hearted o n e o f

,
-

the brothers who had sheltered the little gi rl (aft er

,

he had thrown o ff the mother and br o ken her poor ,

heart) .

The house in Vari ck street would be broken up-

.

What w o uld become o f the c o ok and Ann C o ddle ? ,

It would be easier fo r them t o live than fo r me .

They could get w o rk to do fo r they kn ew ho w t o ,

26 8 R ICH A R D VA N D E RM A R C K .

work and pe o ple would employ the m

, could d o .
—
I I
nothing I had been taught to d o n o thing I h a d
, .

neverbeen directed how to hem a han dk erchief I .

had tried to dust my room o n e day and the e ffo rt ’

had tired me dread fully and di d n o t look very well

, ,

as a result I could n o t teach I had been educated

. .

in a sl ipsh o d way n o one directing anythi n g ab o ut

,

it —j ust what it o c curred t o the person w ho had

charge o f me t o put before m e .

I had intended t o throw myself upon Sister Mad

eline But what then ? What could she have d o ne
.

fo r me ? I had asked her months before if I could

not be a sister and had been discoura ge d both by
,

her and by my d irector I believe they thought I .

was too young and too pretty and in fact had n o , , ,

vocation No doubt they thought I might soon look

.

upon things differently when my trouble w a s a little

,

older .

And Richard— I did not give Richard man y

thoughts that day, for my heart was sore when I ,

remembered all his words He had always thou ght .

that I was to be rich ; perhaps that had made him s o

l o ng patient with me He had said I w a s not clever ;
.

he had seemed t o be very sorry fo r me He might .

well be S o phie had asked him if he were still bound

.

to me I had n o t heard all his answer but he ha d

.
,
 R IC H A R D VA N D E R M A R C H .
2 69

spoken in a tone o f scorn I di d not want to think .

about hi m .

There was no whither to t u rn myself for help .

A n d the clergyman who h a d been more than kind ,

to me who had seemed to help me with words and

,

cou n sel o ut o f heaven — he was cut o ff from my succor , ,

—
and I stood alone I who was s o dependent so , ,

naturally timid and so easily mistaken ,

.

It was a dreary hour o f my life that hour that I ,

sa t looking over at the water o f the pretty placid

lake I don t like to recall it Some o n e passed by
.
’
.

me gave an exclamation o f surprise and came back

, ,

hastily It was Richard He seemed so glad and so

. .
,

relieved to see me— and to me it was like Heaven

opening ; notwithsta n ding my vi n dictive thoughts
ab o ut him I could have sprung into his arms ; I felt
,

pro tected safe the moment he was by me I tried

, ,
.

to sp eak and then began t o cry

,
.

“
I ve been looking fo r you these last t w o hours
’
,

he said sitting d o wn beside me

,
“
I came u p t o vf n .
-

to see yo u and fo und yo u had gone o u t I th o ught

,
.

o u w o uld n o t be likely to go anywhere but to s e e

y
Sister Made line and there the servant t o ld me you ,

had c o me this way I c o uld not find you here and .

,

went back t o V arick street then was frightened at -

,

hearing you had not come back and returned agai n ,

270 RI CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

to look for you What made yo u stay s o long ?

.

Somethi ng has happened Tell me what you are .

”
crying for .

I had no talent for acting and not much d is cre i ,

tion when I was excited and he fo und o u t very soon

that I knew what had befallen me (I think he .

beli eved that S Ophi e had told me o f it ) .

”
Were you very much surpri sed ? he said Had .

”
u supposed that o u would be hi s heiress ?
y o y
“
Why n o I had n o t t hought anyt hing about it
,
. .

I am afraid I have not thought much about anythin g

thi s winter I must have been very ungrateful as
.
,

well a s childish fo r I never have felt as if it were

,

fortun ate that I had a home, and a s much money as

I wanted I d id n o t care anything about being rich
.
,

y o u know — ever ”
.

N o I know yo u did not I w a s sure you would

,
.

have been satisfied with a very m oderate p rovi

'

”
sion .

”
Oh Richard I cried clasping my hands together
, , , ,

if he had left me a little— just a little—just a few

hun dred dollars when he had so much to have kept
, '
,

me from having to w o rk w he n I don t kn ow how to

,
’

”
work and am such a child
,
.

“
Work ! he exclaimed looking down at me as if I
”
,

were something so exquisite and so precious that the ,

 RI CH A R D VA NDE RM A R C H .
271

“
very thought was profanation Work no Pauline
.
, ,

o u shall n o t have to wor

y
“
Bu t what can I do ?
” “
I said I have nothing ,

and you know it ; n o t a shelter ; n o t the money to

pay for my breakfast t o morro w morning N o t a
-
.

person to whom I have a right to go for help not a

human being who is bound to care for m e Oh I don t .
,
’

care what becomes o f me ; I wish that it were time

for me to die ”
.

Richard got up, a n d paced up a n d d own the little

platform w ith an absorbed look .

It was so strange I went o n, when he seemed

”
,
'

this winter to take a li ttle notice o f me and t o want ,

t o have me near hi m I really almost thought he

.

’
cared fo r me And when I was so ill last Fall, don t
.

you remember ho w O ft en he used t o come up to my

”
room ?
I remember—yes It is all very strange
. .

And some days early in the wint e r when I ,

could scarcely speak at table, I w a s so unhappy he ,

wo uld look at me so long and seem t o think And

,
.

then would be very kind and gentle afterward and ,

—
do somethin g t o show he liked me give me money ,

”
o u kn ow as he always did
y ,
.

“
Tell me Pauline : did he e ver ask you anythi ng
,

about last summer o r di d yo u ever tell him ?

,
”
2 72 R I CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

N0 Richard I could never have spoken to him

, ,

abo u t it ; and he never asked me But I know he .

”
s a w that I was not happy .

“ ”
Pauline said Richard after a pause and as if
, , ,

“
forci n g himself to speak there is n o us e in d isg u is ,

ing from yo u what your position is : yo u kn o w it

your self enough o f it at least to make you under
, , ,

stand why I speak now I d o n t know o f any way .

’

o u t o f it but one ; and I feel as if it were ungene rous

‘

to press that on yo u n o w and Heaven knows I would , , ,

not do it if I could think o f anythi ng else to o ffer t o

you Y o u know Pauline that if yo u will marry me
.
, , ,

y o u will have everything that y o u need as much a s if ,

”
your uncle had left yo u everything .

He did not look at me but paced up and down the ,

platform and spoke with a thick husky voice

, ,
.

You know it s been the obj ect o f my life ever

’
,

’
since I kne w yo u but I don t want that to influence
,

y o u . I know it is too so on a great d eal t o o soon ,

.

And I would not have done it if I could have seen ,

anything els e to do or if you could have d one wi t h

,

o u t me .

I m u st have been deadly pale for when at last he ,

lo o ked at me he start e d ,
.

”
“
I don t know how it is he said with a gro an I
’
, , ,

always have to give you pain when Heaven knows , , ,

 R IC HA R D VA ND E RM A R C H .
27 3

’
I d give my life t o Spare yo u every suffering I can t .
’

s e e any other way to take care o f o u than the way I

y
tell you o f and yet I ha ve no doubt you think me
, ,

cruel and selfish to ask yo u t o do it now It does

, ,
.

seem s o and yet it is not If you knew how much it

,
.

”
has cost me to Speak you wo uld believe it ,
.

”
“
I do believe it I said tryi n g to command my
, ,

voice.
“
I think you have always been t o o good and
’
kind to me But I can t tell you how this makes
.

me feel Oh Richard isn t there any any other

.
, ,
’
,

”
way ?
“ ”
Perhaps there may be he said with a bitter , ,

and disappointed look but I do not know o f it

“
,
”
.

Oh Richard do n o t be angry with me Think

, ,
.

how hard it is fo r me always t o be disappointing you .

I have a great deal of tro uble

”
“
Y e s Pauline I know you have he said sitting
, , , ,

down by me and taking my hand in a repentant way

,
.

Y o u s e e I m selfish and only looked at my o wn

’
,

disappointment j ust that minute I thought I had .

'

n o t any h o pe that yo u might not mind the idea o f

marryin g me ; but yo u s e e after all I had I b e lieve , ,

.

I must hav e fancied that yo u were getting over your

tro uble : you have seem ed so much brighter lately .

But n o w I kn o w the truth ; and n o w I know that

what I d o is simply sacrifice and duty A man must .
2 74 RI CH A R D VA N DE RM A RC K

be a fool who looks for pleasure in marrying a woman

who has no l o ve fo r him A n d I sa y now in the .
,

face o f it all marry me Pauline if you can b ri ng

, , ,

yourself to d o it I am the only approach t o a friend

.

that you have in the world As your husband I can .

,

care fo r you and protect yo u You are young your .

,

character is unformed you are ignorant o f the world

,
.

Y o u have no home n o pr o tectio n , literally none and

, ,

I am afraid t o trust yo u Y o u need n o t be angry if

.

I sa y s o I think I ve earn ed the right to find som e

.
’

’ ’
faults in yo u I don t expect yo u t o love me I don t
. .

expect to be particularly happy but there are a go od

many ways o f serving G o d and doing one s duty ; ’

and if we try to serve him and to live for duty it ,

will all come o u t right at last You will be a happier .

woman Pauline if yo u do it than if yo u rebel a gainst

, , ,

it hn d try t o find some other wa y and put yourself in

, ,

a subordinate place o r a place o f dependence and

, ,

waste yo ur life and expose yourself to temptation

,
.

N o no Pauline I cannot se e yo u do it Heaven

, , , .

knows I wish yo u had somebody else to dir ect you

,
.

But it has all come upon me and I must d o the best ,

I can I think any o n e else would advise t h e same

.
,

”
who had the same means o f judging .

”
“
I will do just what yo u think best I sa id alm ost , ,

in a whisper gettin g up , .
 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C H .
275

That is right he answered in a husky voice

,
”
, ,

rising too and putting my cloak about my shou l

,

“
ders which had fallen o ff
,
You will se e it will
.

”
be best.
 C HAPT E R XX II .

A GR E AT D E AL T OO SOON .

B ut h e r sa d e y ill fas t e n e d o n t h e gro un d

es , s t ,

A re go ve rn e d wi t h a g o o dly m o d es t y ,

Th a t s uffe rs n o t a l o o k t o gla n ce a wa y ,

W h i c h m a y le t in a l i t t l e t ho ugh t un so un d .

S p e n s er.

V o u l o ir cc q ue D i e u ve u t e st la i
s eul e sc e n c e

Q ui n o us m et e n re p os .

M a lherbe .

R IC HARD had obtained for me (with di fficulty) ,

from the lawyer o f the new uncle who had arisen the ,

privilege of remaining in the house for another month ,

undisturbed in any way At the e n d o f those four .

weeks I was to be married to him o n e day quietly in , ,

church and to go away It w a s v ery hard t o have

, .

to se e S o phie and be treated with ign ominy for

, ,

doing what I did not wa n t to d o ; it was very hard to

make preparations t o leave the only place I wanted to
stay in now it was very hard to be tranquil and even ,
while my heart was like lead But I had begun to .

d iscover that that w a s the general order o f things here

below and it did n o t amaze me as it had done at first
,
.
 -
RI OHA RD VA ND E RM A R C K .
277

I was doi n g my duty to the best o f my discernment

, ,

and was not to be deterred by all the lead in the

world .

It w a s very well for Richard to sa y he did it for ,

sacrifice and for d uty I have no doubt at first he

.

i
d d it g reatly fo r those t w o things : but he grew
happier every day, I could se e He was very co n sid .

c rate o f my sadness and always acted o n the basis o n

,

which o u r engagement was begun never keeping my ,

hand in hi s o r kissing me o r asking any o f the

, ,

trifling favors o f a lover .

He w a s grave and silent : but I could se e the

change in his face ; I could se e that he was more
exacting o f every moment that I spent away fro m
him ; he kept near me and followed me with his eyes
, ,

and seemed never t o be satisfied with his possession

o f me .

He bought me the most beautiful jewels (he had ,

made great strides toward fortune in the last six

months and was a rich man now in earnest ) and
, ,

tho u gh he n ever clasped them on my thro at or wrist ,

nor even fit t ed a ring o n my finger I could feel his

‘

eyes upon me hungering for a smile a word o f grati

, ,

tude .

And who would not have been grateful ? But it

”
was t o o soon a great deal too s o on as he had said
, ,
27 8 RI CH A R D VA NDE RM A R C K .

himself I w a s very grateful b ut I would have been

.
,

glad t o d ie .

I have wondered whether he s a w it o r n o t I .

rather think n o t I was very sub m i ssive and gentle

.
,

and tried t o be bright and I think he w a t s o absor bed

,

in the satisfaction o f my promise so intent upon hi s ,

plans for making me happy a n d fo r making me love ,

him that he made himself believe there was n o heart

,

o f lead belo w the t ra n quillity he saw .

It w a s the thi rd week since my uncle s death ’

,
.

The ne x t week was to come the marriage o n W e d ,

n e s d a y the 1 9 th o f May
,
.

”
Marri ages in May are not hap y sa id Ann ‘

Coddle .

“ ”
I di d n o t need yo u to tell me that I thought ,
.

It was o n Thursday the 1 3 t h ; Richard had come

,

up a little earlier, In the even ing It grew to be a .

little earlier every evenin g .

“
By and by he wi ll not go down t own at all at
‘
- - -
,

”
thi s rate I said to myself, when I heard his ring
,

that night .

I w a s sittin g by the parlor lamp with the evening -

,

paper in my lap of whi ch I had n o t read a word

,
.

He ca me and sa t down by the ta ble and we talked a ,

little while I tried to find things to talk about and

.
,

wondered if it always would be so I felt as if some .

 R IC H A R D VA NDE RM A R C K
’
.
279

day I should give o u t entirely and have t o g o through ,

bankruptcy (And take a fresh start )

. .

He never seemed to feel the want o f talking ; I

supp o se he was q uite satisfied with his thoughts and ,

with having me beside him .

B y and by he said he should have t o go up to

- -
,

the library and look over the last of some books o f

,

my uncle s and finish an inventory that he had

’
,

begu n Could I not bri n g my work and sit there

.

by him ? I felt a little selfish , for we were already

o n the last week and I said I thought I would s it
,

in the parlor I had to write a letter to Sister Made

.
~

lin e I had not heard a word from her yet though

.
,

I had written twi ce .

Why could not I write in the library

I always liked to be alone when I wrote letters
I could not think when any o n e was in the ro o m
,
.

Besides trying to smile he would be sure to talk

, ,
.

He looked disappointed and lingere d a good while ,

before he went away As he rose to go away he .

threw into my lap a little package saying , ,

’
There is some white lace fo r you Can t you use .

’
it o n some o f your clothes ? I don t know anything
’
about such thi ngs maybe it isn t pretty enough ,
but I thought perhaps it would do fo r that lilac silk
”
you ta lked o f .
2 80 R I C HA R D VA ND E RM A R CK .

I o pened the package : it was exqui site fit a ,

fo r
princess ; and as I bent over it I t hought how dead I , ,

must be that it gave me no pleasure t o know it was

,

my o wn for I had loved such baubles s o a year

, ,

ago.

What a mass o f it I exclaimed un foldin g yard ,

on yard .

“
Y o u m ust always wear lace ”
he said throwing , ,

one end o f it over my black dress around the

shoulder I like yo u in it I am tired o f those
. .

”
stiff little linen collars .

The lace had given me a li ttle compun ction about .

n o t spen di ng the evening with him : b ut a s I ha d

said so I could not draw back ; s o I compromised

,

the matter by going up to the library with him to s e e ,

that he was co m fortable before I came down to write

,

my letter .

I brought the little student lamp from my o wn room

-

and lit it and put it on the library table and brought

,
-
,

him some fresh pens and opened the inkstand for

,

him even pushed up the chair and put a little fo ot

,

sto o l by it Though he was stan di ng by the book

.

shelves and seem ed to be engrossed by them I knew

, ,

that he was watching me filled with content and ,

satisfaction .

Do you remember where that box of cigars was

 RI C H A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
2 81

”
put ? he said turn i ng to me as I paused T hat was
,
.

to keep me longer for they were o n the shelf half ,

a yard fro m where he sto o d .

I got the cigar bo x and put it o n the table

-
.

N o w yo u will want some matches and this stand ,

”
is almost empty So I to ok it away with me to my
.

room and came back with it filled

, .

Is there anything else that I can do I said ,

pausing as I put it o n the table .

N o Pauli n e I believe n o t Thank yo u

,
. . .

I think that momen t Richard was nearer to

happiness than he had ever been before Poor fel .

low
I went down stairs feeling quite easy in mind and
-
, ,

s a t down to my le t thr That threw me back into the.

past for t o Sister Madeline I poured o u t my heart

, .

An hour went by and I had forgotten Richard and ,

the library I was recalle d to the present by hearing

.

some books fall on the floor (the li brary was over the
parlor) ; and byheari ng Richard s step heavily cross ’

m g the room I started up pushed my letter int o my

.
,

portfo lio and wiped away my tears qui te frightened

, ,

that Richard shoul d se e me crying To my surprise .

,

he came hurriedly down the stairs passed the parlor ,

d o o r opened the hall door and shutting it heavily

,
-
,

after hi m was gone wi thout a word to m e

, ,
This .
2 82 RICHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K
'
.

startled me for a moment it w as s o unusual But my

,
.

h eart was not enough engage d to be wounded by the

slight and I very soon returned to my letter and my
,

other th oughts .

Wh en I went up to bed I st opped in the library, ,

and found the lamp still burning the pen s unu sed a , ,

cigar which had been lighted , but unsmoked lying

, ,

o n the ta ble A book was lying o n t he floor at the

.

foot o f the bookshelf where I had left Richard stand

,

in g
. I picked it up This was the last book that
.

”
Uncle Leonard ever read I said to myself turning
, ,

its pages over I remembered that he had it in his

.

hand the last night o f his life when I bade him good ,

night I was n o t in the room the next day till he

.
,

was brought home in a dying stat e .

Ann had put the books in order and arranged them , ,

after he went down town in the morn ing

-
.

I wondered whether Richard knew that that

was the last book he had been reading and I put ,

it by t o tell him o f it in the morning when he

,

came . But in the morni ng Richard did not co m e .

Unusual again ; and I was for an hour o r two

surprised He always found some excuse for co m
.

ing o n his way down to wn : and it was very o d d

-

th at he sho uld n o t want to explain hi s sudden go ing

away last night But as before , my lack of love made
.
,
 RI CH A RD VA ND E RIWA R CK
.
2 83

the wound and in a little time I had

fo rgotten all about it and was only thi nking that
,

—
this was Friday a n d that We d nes d ay was coming
 C HAPT E R XX III .

A R EV ERSA L
A ll th i s is t o be sa n ct i fie d ,

T h i up t
s r ure w it h th p e ast ;
Fo r t hu ws e d ie b e fo re o ur d e a th s ,

A n d so d ie we ll a t l as t .

Fa ber .

D INN ER time ca me and passed and st ill Richard

-
, ,

di d not come At eight o clock A rm brought the ’

tea as usual and it stood nearly an hour upon the

, ,

table ; and the n I t old her to take it away .

By this time I had begun to feel uneasy S o me .

thin g must have happened It would necessarily be .

something unco m fo rtable perhaps something that ,

would fri ghten me and give me an o ther shock And

,
.

I d readed that s o ; I had had so many But perhaps .

,

dreadful though it might be it would b ri ng me a ,

release Perhaps Richard was o nly angry with me

.
,

and t ha t might bring me a release .

At ni ne o clock I heard a ring at the bell and then

’
,

hi s step in t he hall He was slower than usual in

.

coming in ; everything made me feel confused a n d

 RICH A RD VA N D E RM A R C K .
28 s

apprehensive W hen he o pened the do o r and e u

.

t e re d I was trying to com m an d m yself but I forgot

, ,

all about myself when I s a w him His face was .

white and he looked haggard and harassed as if he

, ,

had gone through a year o f suffering since last night ,

when I left hi m with the lamp and cigar in the

library .

“
I started up and put o u t my hand What is it
Richard ? You are in some trouble .

H e said no and t ried to spe ak in an ordinary to n e

, ,

sitting down o n the sofa by my chair .

I was confused and thrown back by this and tried ,

to talk as if nothing had been said .

” “
Will yo u have a cup o f tea ? I asked ; Ann
”
has just taken it away .

He said absently yes and I rang for A r m to bring

, ,

the tea and the n went to the table to pour it o u t

,
.

He s a t with his face leaning o n his hand o n the

arm o f the sofa a n d did n o t seem to notice me till
,

I carried the cup to him and o ffered it Then h e ,

.

started and looked up and took it asking my pardon ,

, ,

and thanking me .

”
Are you not going to have o n e yourself ? he said,
half rising .

N o I don t want any t o night

,
’
Tell me if -
.

”
yours is ri ght .
2 86 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

”
Yes it is very nice he said absently dri n king
, , ,

some Then rising suddenly he put the cup o n the

.
,

“
mantleshelf and said to me ,
Send Ann away I , ,

”
want to talk to you .

I told Ann I would ring fo r her when I wanted

her and sa t down by the lamp again with many
‘

, ,

apprehensions .

Y o u asked me if anythi ng had happened Pau ,

”
line di dn t you ? he said
,
’
.

I answered But I was sure that something

.

”
had from the way you looked when yo u came in
,
.

“
It is something tha t —that changes thi ngs very
much for you Pauli ne he resum ed with an e ffort
”
, , , ,

and makes all o ur arrangements unnecessary— that

”
is un less you choose
,
.

I looked amazed and frightened and he went ,

on .

I made a di scovery last night in the library .

”
The will is found Pa uli ne ,
.

I sta rted t o my feet with my hands pressed agains t

,

my h ea rt waiting breath lessly for hi s next word

,
.

E verything is left to yo u — and I have come to

—
tell you yo u are free if you desire to be
,
”
.

”
“
Oh thank God ! Thank God ! I cried ; then
,

c ov e rin g my face with my hands sank back into my ,

se at and burst into tears

,
.
 RI CH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
287

He turned from me and walke d to the other end of

the rohm each o f us liv e d m u ch in that little time
'

For myself I had accepted my bondag e s o meekly,

,

s o dutifully that I did not know the weight it had

,

been upon me till it was suddenly taken o ff I did .

not thi nk of him— I co uld only thi nk there was n o ,

next Wednesday and I could stay where I w a s It

,
.

was like the sudden cessation o f dreadful and long con -

t in u e d pain : it was Heaven I was crying for j oy B ut . .

at last the reaction came and I had to think o f him ,

.

“ ”
Oh Richard I cried going toward him (he was
, , , ,

sitting by the window and his hand concealed his ,

eyes ) I don t know what yo u think o f m e I hope

.
“ ’
,

”
you can forgive me .

He di d not speak and I felt a drea df ul pang o f

,

self reproach
-
.

”
Richard I said crying and taking hold o f his
, , ,

“
hand ,
I am ashamed of myself for being glad I .

will marry yo u yet if yo u want me to I know how

,
.

good you have been to me I know I am un grateful .

”
and abominable .

Still he did not speak His v ery lips were white .

,

and his hand when I touched it , did not meet mine

,

o r move .

Y o u are an g ry with me I cri e d, bursting in to a

”
,

“
flood o f tears Oh ho w yo u o ught to hate me Oh
.
,
.
,
2 88 RIC H A R D VA N DE RM A R C K .

I w ish w e had ne ver seen each other I wish I had

’

been dead befo re I bro rig ht you all this t rbu ble .

—
Richard, d o look at m e d o speak t o me Don t you .
’

’
believe that I am sorry ? Don t yo u know I will d o
”
anyt hing yo u want me to ?
He se emed to try t o speak— moved a little a s a per ,

s o n in pain might d o but ben d ing hi s head a little

, ,

lower o n hi s ha n d was silent still ,

.

“ ”
Richard I said aft er several momen t s silence
, ,
’
,

speaking th o ughtfully it has all come to me at las t .

I begi n t o se e what yo u have been to me always and ,

how badly I have treated you But it mu st have bee n .

because I w a s very young and did not think I am ,

.

sure my heart was n o t so bad and I mean to be ,

di fferent n o w You know I have not had any one

.

to teach me Will yo u let me try and make yo u

.

happy ?
”
No Pauline, he sa id at last speaki ng with e ffort
, ,
.

“
It is all over now and we will never talk o f it
,

I w as silent fo r many minutes— stan d ing before hi m

“
with irresolution If it was right fo r me to marry
.

”
o u befo re I said at last Why is it n o t right n o w
y , , ,

”
if I mean to do my duty ?
”
No it is no longer right if it ever was he
, , ,

answered “
. I wi ll not ta ke ad vanta ge o f your sense
 2 89

of duty now as I was going to take advantage o f

,

your necessity before N 0 yo u are free and it is a ll

.
, ,

”
at an end .

Y o u are unjust to yourself You were not taking .

advantage o f my necessity You were saving me .

,

and I am ashamed o f myself when I think o f

e verythi n g Oh , Richard , where did yo u learn to be
.

”
s o good !

A spasm o f pain crossed his face and he turned ,

away from me .

“ ” “
If yo u give me up I said timidly who will , ,

”
take care o f me ?
”
There will be plenty now he answered bitt e rly ,
.

’ ”
There wasn t anybo d y yester d ay .

“ '
”
But there will be to morrow No Pau line he -
.
, ,

sai d lifting his head and speaking in a firmer v o ice

, ,

“
What I thought I was doing till this showed me ,

my heart, and how I had d eceived myself I will do ,

n o w even if it ki lls me
,
I thought I wa s acting for
.

your good and from a sense o f duty : now that I

,

know what is fo r your good and what is my duty I , ,

ll go o n in that and nothing shall turn me from

,

”
it so help m e Heaven
, .

“ ”
At least yo u will forgive me I sai d with , ,

“
t ears fo r all the t hings that I have ma d e you s uf
,

”
fer .
 RIC H A R D VA N D E RM A R C K
’
.

”
Y e s, he said with some emotion I shall for
, ,
“

give yo u sooner than I shall fo rgive myself I cannot .

’
s e e that you have been t o blame .

”
Ah I cried hiding my face with shame w hen I
, , ,

thought of a ll my s elfishness and indi fference and the ,

return I had made him fo r his devoted love “

I know .

how I have been to blame ; a n d I am going t o pay

you for your go odness and care by breaking your
heart for you— by upsett i ng all your plan s Oh Rich .
,

ard ! You ha d b e t t e r let it all g o o n ! T hink how

’

”
everybody knows about it !
“ ”’
He shook his head I don t ca re a straw for that
.
,

he said A n d I am sure he did n o t

. .

“
N he said firmly getting up and walking u p , ,

and down the room ; it is a ll over and we must

“
,

make the best o f it I shall still have everything t o

.

d o for yo u un d er the will ; and while you mustn t e x

’

peet me to s e e yo u often j u st for the present time at

, ,

least you know I shall do everything as faithfully as

,

if n o thing had occurred Y o u must write to me when

.

ever yo u think my judgment o r advice would do you

any good And I shall be always lo o king after things
.

that you don t understand and taking care of y o u r

’
,

’
interests whether you hear from me o r not You ll
,
.

”
always be sure o f that whatever may occur ,
.

”
Oh I faltered with a sudden frightened feelin g
, ,
 RICH A RD VA ND HR M A R C K .
29 1

of loneliness and loss in the midst o f my new fre e

,

”
dom ,
’
I can t feel as if it were all over .

I d on t know how this terrible mistake about the

’

”
will occurred he went o n without noticing what I
, ,

said : it was only a —m ercy that I found it when

“

I did It was between the leaves of a book an o ld

.
,

v o lume o f Tacitus ; I took it down to look at the title

”
for the inventory and it fell out ,
.

That was the b o o k he had in his hand when I sa w

”
h im last that night before he died
,
.

Yes ? Then after yo u went t i p stairs I suppose he

‘
-

w a s thinking o f yo u and he took o u t the will to,

read it over and maybe left it out meaning to lock

, ,

”
it up a gain in the morning .

“ ”
And in the morning he was not well I said , ,

and perhaps went away leaving it lying o n the

book ; I re m ember Ann said there were several ,

papers lyi ng on the table when she arranged the ,

”
room .

” “
“
No doubt said Richard she shut it up in the
, ,

book it laid on and p u t it on the shel f B ut it is all

,
.

o n e how it came ab o u t The will is all correct and

.

duly executed One o f the witn esses was a clerk

.
,

w ho returned yesterday from S o uth America where ,

he had been gone for several months The other is .

lying ill at his home in Westchester but I h a ve sent ,

29 2 RI CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

to day and had his deposition taken

-
It is all in .

”
order and there can be no di spute
,
.

I think at that moment I should have been glad if

it had been fo und invalid There was something so .

inevitable and final in Richard s plain and practical ’

words .

E vidently a great change ha d come in my life and ,

I could not help it if I would I could not but feel .

the separation from the p e rson upon whom I had

leaned s o long and w ho had d o ne everything for me
, ,

and I kne w this separation was to be a final one ;

Richard s words left no doubt o f that
’
.

“ ” ’
What you d better d o he said leaning by the , ,

“
man telpiece is to tell t he servants about this
,

—
this change in y o ur plans to morrow ; unpack and
'

-
, ,

settle the house to stay here fo r the present In the .

course of a couple O f months it will be time eno u gh to

make up your m ind about where you will live I .

think till the will is admitted and a ll that yo u had

, ,

better keep things as they a re and make no ,

change .

He had been so used to thinking o r m e that he ,

“
could not give it up at once I will tell Sophie to .

” “
m o rrow he went o n It will not be necessary for yo u
,
.

to see her if she should come before she hears o f it

”
fro m me (Sophie had .an engagement with me t o
 RICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C H .
29 3

go o u t o n the following morning H e seemed t o .

to have forgotten nothing ) .

W hat will Sophie think o f me ? I said with m y

”
,

“
eyes o n the floor Richar d it looks very bad for
.
,

me ; when I was poor I was going t o marry you , ,

and now that I have money left m e I am g o ing to ,

”
break it o ff .

”
“
What difference does it make how it looks he ,

sai d when you know you have d o ne right ? I will

,
“

tell Sophie the truth that it was my doing both

,

0
times and that you o nly yielded to my judgment
,

in the m atter Besides if she j u d ges yo u harshly,

.
,

it need n o t make much matter to you Y o u will .

never again be thrown intimately with her I sup ,

”
pose.

”
N o I s uppose not I said faintly
,
I was being
,
.

t u rned o u t o f mv world very fast and it was n Ot ,

very clear what I w a s going to get in exchange for

it (except freedom) .

“
I will send yo u up m o ney t o morrow morning -
,

he went o n to pay the servants and all that The

“
, ,
.

clerk I shall send it by is the o n e that I shall put in

,

charge o f your matters Y o u can always draw o n .

him fo r money or ask him any questi o ns o r call o n

, ,

him fo r any service in case I sh o uld be away o r ill

, , ,

”
o r anything .
29 4 R IC H A R D VA NDE R M A R C K .

Yo u
are going away ? I said interrogati vely ”
.

It is possible for a while— I don t know I ,

’
.

’
haven t made up my mind d efinitely ab o ut what I
am going to do But in case I s ho u ld be away I
.
,

”
mean yo u are to call o n him
,
.

”
I understand .

Anything he tells you about signing pape rs and , ,

such things you may be s u re is all right

, .

”
CC
Ye s .

’
But don t d o anythi n g with o ut consulting me , ,

”
for anybody else remember ,
.

“ ”
I ll remember I said absently and humbly
’
,
.

It was no wonder Richard felt I needed somebody t o

take care o f me !
“
I believe there s nothing else I w a n t e d to say t o ’

”
you he said at last moving from the mantelpiece
, ,
;

“
where he had been standing ; at least nothing that ,

’ ”
I can t write about when it occurs to me ,
.

”
Oh Richard ! I said beginning to cry again as I
, , ,

“
knew that the moment o f parting had come I d on t ,
’

understand you at all I th ink you take it very .

”
calm .

”
Isn t that the way to take it ? he said in a voice
’
,

that was certainly very cal m indee d

, ,
.

I looked up in his face : he was ten years older I .

really w a s frightened at the chan ge in him .

 R IC H A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
29 5

”
Oh ! I exclaimed putting my face down in my .

”
hands I was n t worth all I ve made yo u suffer
,
’ ’
.

“ ”
“
Maybe yo u weren t he said simply But it ’
, ,

was n t either your fault o r mine— and you could n t

’
,
’

—
help it that I wanted you ”
.

He m ade a qu ick moveme n t a s he passed the table ,

and my work basket fell at his feet and a little je w e l

-
,

bo x roll ed across the flo o r It was a rin g he had .

brought me only three d ays before

,
.

He stooped to pick it up and I s a w his features ,

contra ct as if in pain as he laid it back upon the table,

.

A n d his voice was u nsteady as he said not looking at , ,

me while h e spoke ,

I h o pe you won t send any o f these things back

’
.

If there s anything you re willi n g to keep because I

’ ’
,

gave it to you I d like it very much The rest send

,
’
.

to yo ur church , o r some where I don t want to have .

’

”
to lo o k at them again .

By this time I was sobbing and sitting down by the , ,

table had b urie d my face o n my arms

,
.

”
I m sorry that it makes you feel s o he said
’
, ,

’ ’
“
but it can t be helped Don t cry I can t bea r to s e e
’
.
,

”
you cry Go o d bye Pauline ; G o d bless you
.
-
,
.

And he was gone I did n o t realize it and did .

,

n o t lift my head till I heard the heavy sound o f the

,

outer d oor closing after him .

29 6 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K
’
.

Then I knew it was all over and that things were

,

changed for me indeed .

“ ”
I ca nnot cry and get over it a s yo u can he had
,

said .

And if tears would have g o t me over it I should ,

have been cu re d that night .

 C HAPT E R XX IV .

M Y NE W W OR LD .

Fe w a re fra gm e n t s l e ft o f fo lli e s p a s t ;
t he
Fo r wo rt h l e ss t h i n gs a re t ra n s i e n t Th o s e t h a t . la s t
H a ve in t h e m g e rm s o f a n e t e rn a l s p i ri t ,

A n d o u t o f g o o d t h e i r p e rm a n e n c e i n h e ri t

No r t hy e u n ble s t ,

Who un de rn e a t h t he wo rld s b righ t ve s t

’

Wi t h k l th t
sa c c o am e t hi
e r ac hi g b n re a s t ,

Th e s h p dg d
ar -
e e c ro s s in j w l h id
e e s e .

F OM eighteen to twenty
R a l o ng step ; and it fo ur
- —

covers the ground that is generally the brightest and

gayest in a woman s life and the most decisive With
’
,
.

me it wa s in a certain sense bright and gay but the

, ,

deciding events o f my life seemed t o have been

crowded into the year the st o ry o f which ha s just,
"

been told Of the six years tha t came after there is

.
,

not much to tell My character went on forming

.

itself no doubt and interi o rly I was growing in

, ,

o n e direction o r the other ; but in external matters ,

there is not much of interest .

”
I had no end of money so it seemed to me a n d
“
, ,
*
13
 RI CHA R D VA N D E R M A R C K .

to a good m any other people I should think from the

, ,

way that they paid me court I d o nt se e why it did

.
’

n o t turn my head except that I was wha t they call

,

religious and dreadfully afraid o f doing wrong I

,
.

was not my o w n mistres s exactly either for I had, ,

some o n e to direct my conscience though that was ,

the only direction that I ever h a d I had not the .

smallest restricti o n as to money from Richard (to

whom the estate was left in trust) ; and it had been
found much to exceed his expectations or tho se o f ,

anybody else .

I had the whole world before me where to go and ,

what to choose ; n o t v ery much stability o f character ,

and the greatest ignorance ; a considerable share o f

good l o oks and the love o f pleasure inseparable from
,

youth and health ; absolutely no authority and a ny ,

am o unt o f flattery and temptati o n I think it must

.

be agreed it was a happy thing fo r me that I was

,

brought under the influence o f Sister Madeline and ,

that through her I was made to feel most afraid

o f sin and o f myself ; an d that the life within the
, ,

growth in grace and the keeping clear my conscience

, ,

was made to appear o f more con sequ ence tha n the

life without that was s o full of pleasures and o f
,

snares.

'
I often thin k n o w o f the obe di e nce with which I
 R I CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
29 9

would give up a party stay at home alone and read , ,

a g o o d book because I had been a d vised to do it o r

, ,

because it was a certa in day ; o f the simplicity with

’

w hich I would p ut away a novel when its interest ,

was at the height because it was t he hour for me t o

,

read something di fferent o r because it was Friday

‘

, ,

o r because I w a s t o learn to give up doing what I

wanted to .

These things trivial in themselves and never bound

, ,

u pon m
y conscience only o ffered as
,
advice had the ,

e ffect o f breaking up the constant influence of the

worl d givi n g me a little time fo r tho u ght and o ppo r
, ,

t u n it y fo r self—
denial I cannot help thinking such
.

things are very u seful for y o ung persons and pa rt icu ,

la rly those w ho have o n ly o rdinary fo rce and reso lu

tion At least I think they were made a mea n s o f
.
,

security to me I was s o in earnest to d o right tha t

.
,

I often thought in terror for myself in the mi d st o f

, ,

alluring pleasures and delights it was a pity they had ,

not let me be a Sister when I wanted to at first (I .

really think I had more vocation than they th o ught

I could have g i ve n up to the end o f life without a , ,

murmur if that is what is necessary ) As to the peo

,
.

e who wanted to marry me I di d not care fo r a n y

p l ,

o f them and seemed to have much less coquetry than

,

o f o ld
. They simply d id not interest me (o f course , ,
300 RI CHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

in a few years I had outgrown the love that I had

,

suppose d to be so immortal ) It was very pleasant t o be

.

always attended to , and to have more constant homage

than any other young woman whom I s a w But as .

t o liking particularly any o f the men themselves it ,

n ever occurred to me to think o f it .

I was placed by my fortunate circumst ances rather

above the int ri gue , and detraction and hea rt burning ,
-
,

that attends the social struggle for life in ordinary

cases If I were envied I d id not know it and I
.
, ,

had small reason to envy anybo d y else, being quite

the queen .

I enjoyed above measure the bright and pleasant ,

things that I had at my command : the sunny rooms

o f my pretty house : the dri ving the sailing the ‘

, ,

dancing : all that charms a healthy young ta ste and ,

is innocent I took jo u rneys with the ecstasy o f

.
,

yout h and o f good health I never shall forget the

.

l a s u re o f certain days and skies and the enj oyment

p e
'

that I had in nature In society I had a little more

.
,

weariness as I grew older and found a certain want

, ,

’
o f interest as was inevitable Society isn t all made
.

up o f clever people and even clever people get to be

,

tiresome in the course o f time But at twenty four I .

-

was by no means bla s e only more addicted to books

,

and j ourneys and less enthusiastic about parties

,
 R I CH A R D VA NDE RM A R CK
’
.
3 01

and croquet though these I could enjoy a little

,

yet.

I had a pretty house (and re furnished it very often -

,

which always gave me pleasure) I had no care for .

,

Richard had arranged that I should have a very

excellent sort of person for duenna who had a good
'

deal o f tact and didn t bore me and was shrewd

,
’
,

enough to make things very smooth I liked her very .

much though I think now sh e was something o f a

,

hypocrite But she ha d enough principle to make

.

things very respectable and I never took her fo r a

,

friend We had very pretty little dinners and li ttle

.
,
,

evenings when anybody wanted them thou gh the ,

house wasn t very large

’
My duenna (by name
.

Throckmort o n) liked jo u rrie ys as well as I did and ,

never objected to going anywhere Altogether we .

were very comfortable .

The people whom I had known in that first year o f

my social existence had drifted away from me a good
deal in this new life Sophie I could not help meet
.

'

in g s o m e t im e s for she was still a gay woman but I

, ,

naturally belonged t o a younger s e t and did n o t go ,

very lon g into general society W e still disliked each

.

other with the cordiality o f our first acquaintance but ,

I was very s o rry for it and had a great many repent

,

an o es about it after e very meeting Kilian I met a .

3 02 RIC H A R D VA N D E RIII A R C K .

good deal but we rather avo ided each o ther at sh o rt

, ,

range th o ugh excee di ngly good friends to the general

,

observation .

Mary Leighton I seldom s a w ; n o d o u bt she w a s fi

consumed with envy when she heard o f me for they ,

were poor and not able to keep up with gay life as

,

would have pleased her She still maintaine d her .

inti m acy with Kilian fo r he had not the resolution to

,

break o ff a flirtation o f which I was sure he must be , ,

very tired .

Henrietta had married very well two years after I ,

s a w her at R and was the staid placid matro n

‘

that she was always meant t o be .

C harl o tte Benson was the clever w o man still : a

l ittle stro nger minded and n o less good looking than
-
,
-

o f o ld a n d n o more
,
People were beginning to say
.

that she w o uld n o t marry th o ugh she was only ,

twe n ty six She did not go much to part ies and was
-
.
,

not in my s e t She affected art and lectures and ex

.
,

c u rs io n s to m o untains a n d campings o u t and u n c o n

-

, ,

v e n t io n a lit ie s and no doubt had a good time in li er

,

way . B u t it was n o t my way and so we seld o m m e t .

When we did she did n o t sh o w much more respec t

,

for me than o f o ld which always had the e ffect o f

,

making me feel angry .

And as for Richard we co uld not have been much

,
 3 03

further apart if he had lived

,
“
in E ngland and I at
”
Rotterdam Fo r a year while he was settlin g up
.
,

the estate he was closely i n the city I did not see

,
.

him more than once o r twice all business being trans

,

acted through his lawyer and the clerk o f whom he

,

had spoken to me After the business matters of the

.

estate were all m order he went away intendi n g I

, , ,

believe to stay a year o r t w o But he came back be

,
.

fore many months were over and settled down into ,

the routine o f business l ife which now seemed to hav e

,

become necessary to him .

Travel was only a wearines s to him in his state o f

mind ; and work and city life seemed the panacea
,
-
,
.

He did not live with Sophie but took apartments , ,

which he furnished plainly ; and seemed settling down

according to his brothe r into much o f the sort o f life
,

that Uncle Leonard ha d led so many years in Varick

street.

Sophie still went to R and I often heard o f the

pleasant parties there in summer But Richard sel .

dom went and seemed to ha ve lost his interest in the

,

place though I have no doub t he spent more m o ney

,

o n it than before I heard o f many impro vements

.

every year .

And Richard was now a man of wealth so much so ,

that people talked about him ; a n d the n e wspapers

 RI CH A R D VA NDE RM A R C K
’
3 04 .

said in talking about real estate o r investments o r

,
-
, ,

institutions o f charity When su ch men as Richard

V a n d e rm a rck allow their names to appear we may be ,

”
sure etc etc He was now the head o f t h e firm
,
.
,
.
,

and o n e o f the first business men o f the city He .

seemed a great deal older than he was ; thi rty seven is -

youn g to occupy the place he held .

Such a p a r t i could not be let alone entirely His .

course w a s certainly discouraging and it needs t o ugh ,

hopes to live o n nothing But stranger things had .

happened more obdurate men had yielded ; and u n

appropriated loveliness hoped o n The story o f an .

early attachment was afloat in connection with his

name I don t know whether I was made to play a
.
’

part in it o r not .

I s a w him perhaps twice a year not oft ener His

, , ,
.

manner was always t o me peculiarly grave and kind ;

, ,

to every o n e practical and unpretendi n g

,
I ha d .

many letters from him particularly when I w a s away

,

o n j ourneys He seemed always to want to kn o w

.

exactly where I was and to feel a care of me though

, ,

his letters never went b e vo n d business matters and ,

advice about things I did n o t understand .

As my guardian he could not have do n e less nor

, ,

was it necessary that he should do more still I o ft en

wished it would occur to him to come and se e me
 R ICH A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
3 05

oftener and give me an O pportun ity o f showing him

,

how much I had improved and how di fferent I had

,

become . I had the greatest respect fo r his opinion ;

and he had gro wn unconsciously t o myself to be a
, ,

sort o f oracle with me and a sort o f hero too

, ,
.

I was apt to compare other men with him and they ,

fell very fa r short o f his measure in my eyes That .

may have been because I saw him much t o o se ld o m

and the other men m u ch t o o often .
 CHAPTER !!V

BIE N PE R DU , B IE N C ONNU .

K ee p th
,
e re o re , a f t rue wo m a n s e ye ’
,

A n d l o ve me st ill , b ut k n o w n o t w hy ;
So h a st t h ou th e sam e re a s o n s t ill
To do a t up o n me e ve r

”
IT nice to be at home again I said
’

y s ve r t o ,

Mrs Throckmorton as I broke a great l ump o f coal

.
,

in pieces and watched the flames with pleasure

,
.

”
Yes said Mrs Throckmorton putting another
,
.
,
’

piece o f sugar in he r co ffee fo r she w a s still at the ,

table That is if yo u call this home ; I must confess

.
,

’ ”
it doesn t feel so to me altogether .

’
Well it s o u r o w n dear noisy raging racketing
, , , , ,

bustling old city if it isn t o u r own house and I m

,
’
,
’

’ ”
sure we re very comfortable .

”
‘
Very said Mrs Throckmorton who was always
,
.
,

pleased .

“
Every time I hear the tinkle of a car bell or the _
-

roar of an o m nibus I feel a thrill o f pleasure I said ; ,

“
I never was so glad to get anywhere before .
 RI C H A R D VA NDE RM A R C K .
3 07

’ ”
That s something new isn t it ? said Mrs Thro ck ,
’
.

m o rton briefly ,
.

“
I don t know ; I think I am always glad to get back
’

”
home .

And very glad to go away again too my dear , .

”
I don t think I shall travel a n y more I returne d
’
, .

The fact is I am getting too o ld to care about it I

, ,

”
believe .

Mrs Throckmort o n laughed being considerably

.
,

o ver forty and still as fond o f g o ing about as ever

, .

We were only t le r e t o u r two days W e had started .

eighteen months ago for at least three years in ,

E ur ope and I had found myself u naccountably tired

,

of it at the end of a year and a half ; and here we

were .

Our house was ren t ed but that I had not allowed ,

to be any obstacle though Mrs Throckmor t on who .

,

was very well satisfied w ith the easy lif e abroad had ,

tried to make it s o I had secured apartments which .

were very pretty and complete We had found them .

in order and we had come there from the steamer I

,
.

was emi n ently happy at being where I wanted to be .

H ow o d d it seems to be i n town and have nobody

kn o w it I sai d thinking with a little quiet s a t isfa c
,
”
, ,

ti o n ho w pleased several people I could name would

,

be if they only knew we were so near them

,
.
3 08 RICH A R D VA ND E R IIIA R C K .

Nobody but Mr V a n d e rm a rck I suppose said

.
, ,

Mrs Throckmorton
. .

“
N o t even he I answered
” “
fo r he can t have got
, ,
’

my letter yet ; it was only mailed the day we started .

It was o nly a chance you know o u r getting th o se , ,

staterooms and we were in such a hurry I was so

,
.

much obliged to that dear o ld German gentleman for ,

”
d ying ’
We shouldn t have been here if he hadn t
.
’
.

“
Pauline my d ear ,

Well I can t think as he s probably in heaven

,
’
,
’
,

that he can have begrud ged us his tickets to New

Yor
“ ”
I should think n o t said Mrs Throckmorton with ,
.
,

a little sigh For New York was not heaven to her

.
,

and s he had spent a good deal o f the day in lookin g

up the necessary ser ants fo r our establishment which
v
,

little as it was required just double the number that

,

had made us comfortable abroad .

She had too m uch discretion to trouble me with her

cares however s o she said cheerfully after a few mo
, , ,

ments by way o f diverting m v mind and her own

,

“
Well I heard some news t o day
,
.

Ah — I had been unpacking all day and Mrs

( ; .

Throckmorton in the interval o f servant hunting had -

n o t been able to refrain from a vis it o r two e n a nt

p a ss , ,

to d ear friends ) .
 RI CH A R D VA N D E R M A R C K .

Kilian V a n d e rm a rck was married yesterday

Ye s : .

Yesterday ! ho w Od d And pray who has he .

,

married ? N o t Mary Leighton I should hope ,

.

“
Leighton Yes that s the name No money and.
,
’
.
,

a little p a ss e E verybody wonders . .

“
Well he deserves it That is even handed jus
,
.
-

tice I m not sorry for him He s been trifling all

.
’
.
’

’
his days and now he s g o t his punishment It serves
,
.

Sophie right t o o I know she can t endure her She

,
.
’
.

never th o ught there was the slightest danger But .

I m sorry for Richard that he s g o t to have such a

’
,
’

”
girl related to him .

” “ ’
Oh well said Mrs Throckmorton
, ,
I don t .
,

k n ow whether that ll affect hirfivery much for they ’

,

”
s a y he s going to be married t o o
’
.

”
Richard !
Yes ; and to that Benson girl yo u know ,
.

W ho told you ? ”

Mary Ann She s heard it half a dozen times she .

’

says I believe it s rather an o ld affair His sister

.
’
.

’
made it up I m told The youn g lady s been spend
,
’
.

ing the summer with them and this autumn it came ,

”
o ut .

”
I don t believe it ’
.

’
“
I m sure I don t know ; only that s the talk It
’ ’
.

’
wo uld be o d d though , if we d just co m e home in time
,
31O RI CH A R D VA N D E RM A R CK .

fo rthe wedding You ll have to give her something

.
’

”
handsome being your guardian and all
, ,
.

’
I wouldn t give her anything and she shouldn t
’
,

marry Richard I th o ught as I leaned back in my

, ,
'

chair and looked into the fire ; a great silence having

fallen o n us since the delivery o f that piece o f news .

I said I d idn t believe it and yet I m afraid I did

’
,
’
.

It w a s so like a man t o give in at last at least like ,

any man but Richard He had always liked Char

.

lotte Benson and known how clever she was and

, ,

S Ophie had been so se t upon it (particularly since ,

Richard had had so much money that he had given

her a han d some settlement that nothing wo uld a ffect ) .

And now that Kilian was married and wo uld h ave

the place unless Richard wanted it it was natural
, ,

that S o phie sh ould approve Richard having his wife

there instead o f Kilian having his ; Kilian s bei n g one ’

that no body particularly approved .

Yes it did so rm d very much like probability I

,
.

wasn t given to self analysis ; but I acknowledged to

’ -

myself that I was very much d isappointed and that

, ,

if I had known that this was g oing to happen I should ,

have stayed in E urope .

I had never felt as if there were any chance o f

Richard marrying any o n e ; I had n o t said to myself ,

that his love for me still had an existence n o r had I ,

 RICHA R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
31 1

any reason t o believe it But the truth had been I

.
,

had always felt that he belo n ged to me and was my .

right and I felt a bitter resentment toward this w o

,

man who was supposed t o have usurped my place

, .

H o w d a re d Richard love anybody else ! I wa s angry

with him and very much hurt a nd very very u n
, , ,

happy
Long after M rs Throckmorton went t o her middle
.

a ged repose I s a t u and went thro u gh imaginary

p,

scenes and reviewed the si t uation a hundred times

,

and tried t o convince myself o f what I wanted to b e

lieve and ended without a n y satisfaction
,
.

One thing was certain I f Richard was going to .

marry Charlotte Bens o n he was not going to do it be

,

cause he loved her He might n o t be prevented from

.

doing it because he loved me but he d id not love her .

I could n o t sa y why exactly But I knew she was .

not the ki n d o f woman fo r him to think o f l o ving ,

and I would not believe it till I heard it fro m himself ,

and I would hear it fro m himself at the earliest pos

sible date I did not like t o be u nhappy and was
.
,

very impatient to get rid of this if it were n o t true , ,

a n d to know the worst at once if it were , ,

.

My dear Thro cky I said t o my co m pa n io n at the

,
”
,

breakfast table I think y o u d better go and take din

-“
,
’

ner with your niece t o day I ve sent fo r Mr V a n .

’
.
312 RI C H A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

d e rm a rck to come and dine a n d I thought perhaps ,

’
you d rather not be bored ; we shall have business to
talk about and business is such a nuisance when
,

’ ”
you re not interested in it .

“ ”
Very well my dear said Mrs Throckmorton ,
, ,
.

with indestr u ctible good humor -

.

“ ’
Or you might have a hea d ache if you d rather , ,

and I ll send yo u r dinner up to you I ll be sure

’
.
’

” ’
Susan takes you everything that s nice .

“ ’
Well then I think I ll have a headache ; I m
, ,
’

’
afraid I d rather have it than o n e o f Mary Ann s poor
’

”
dinners (I d be sure o f o n e t o morrow if I wen t )
.
’

” ’
“
Pa ri s things have spoiled yo u I m afraid I said , ,
.

“
Only se e that I have something nice for Richard
w o n t yo u —How do you think t he cook is going
’

”
to do ? This was the first sign o f interest I had gi ven
in the matter o f m en a g e by which it will be seen I
’

was still a li ttle selfish a n d not very wise But ,

.

Throckmorton was a person to cultivate my se lfish

ness and there had not been much to develop the
,

wisd o m o f common life .

She promised me a very pretty d inner no matter at ,

what trouble and made me feel quite easy about her

,

wounded feeli n gs One o f the best features o f Throck

.

morton w a s she hadn t any feelings ; you might treat

,
’

her like a galley slave and sh e wo uld show the least

-
,
 RICH A RD VA N DE RM A R C K .

dej ection It was a te m ptatio n to have such a person

.

i n the h o use .

I had sent a note to Richard which contained the

fo ll o wing

D E AR R IC H AR D
I am sure you will be surprised to kno w we have
returned But the fact is I got very tired o f Italy
.
:

and we were disappointed in the apartments e gg wanted

in Berlin and some o f the people we expected t o have
,

with us had to:give it up and altogether it seemed ,

dull and we thought it w o uld be j ust as pleasant to

,

come home We were able t o get staterooms that

.

’
just suited us and it didn t seem worth while to lose
,

them by waitin g t o send word We had a very com .

fo rt a ble v o yage a n d I am glad t o find myself at home

, ,

tho u gh Mrs Throckmorton doesn t think the rooms

.
’

are very nice I want to know if you won t come to

.
’

dinner lV e d ine at six Send a line back by the boy

. . .

I want to ask you about some business matters .

Affecti o nately yours ,

P A U LINE .

And I had received fo r answer

M Y D E AR PAUL I N E
Of c o urse I am a s t o n ish e d ‘
to think you are at home .

14
31 4 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R OK .

I enclosed yo u several letters by the steamer yester

d a y none o f them o f any very great importan ce
, ,

th o ugh I thi n k I will come up at six

,
. .

Always y o urs ,

“
RI C H A RD V A N D E R M A R OR
"
P S I am ver y glad yo u wanted to come home
. . .

I read this letter o ver a great many times but it did

not enlighten me at all as to his intentions about
m a rryihg C harlotte Benson It was very matter o f
.
-

fact but that Richard s letters always were E vi

,
’
.

d e n t ly he had thought the same o f it himself as he ,

read it over and had added the postscript But that

,
.

d id not seem v e rv enthusiastic Alt o gether I w a s n o t

.

happy waiting for six o clock to c o me

,
’
.
 C HAPT E R XXVI .

A D IN N E R .

Tim d h
e an c a n c e a re bu t a t id e ,

S lig h t d l v
e o e is sa ri to b id e .

TH E dining—room and parlor of our little suite a d

j o i n ed ; the d o o r was standing O pen between them ,

as I walk ed up and d o wn the parl o r waiting n erv ,

o u sly fo r Richard t o arrive The fire was bright and

.
,

the only light in the parl o r was a s o ft pretty lamp , ,

which we had bro ught fro m Italy There were .

flowers o n the table and in t w o o r three vases and

, ,

the curtains were pretty and there were several large

,

mirrors Outside it was the twilight of a dark a u

.
,

t u m n a l day ; alm o st n igh t already and the lamps were ,

lit It lacked several minutes o f s ix when Richard

.

came I felt very much a gitated wh en he entered

.

the room I t was a year and a half since I had seen

.

him : besides this piece of news ! But he l o o ked

,

just the same as ever and I had n o t t he self p o ssessi o n

,
-

t o note whether he see m ed agitated at meeting me I .

do not know exactly what we talked about for the first

31 6 RICH A R D VA N DE R M A R C K .

few moments probably I was occupied in trying to

,

excuse myself for c o ming h o me s o suddenly fo r I ,

found Richard was n o t altogether pleased at n o t having

been info rmed and thought there must be something
,

yet to tell He was not used to feminine caprice and

.
,

I began to feel a go od deal ashamed o f myself I ha d .

to remind myself m o re than once that I was n o t re

, ,

sponsible to any o n e .

“
I ju s t felt like it was such a very weak e x pla
,

nation to o ffer t o this grave business man fo r d is -

,

arranging t w o years o f c arefully laid plans -

.

I fo und I was getting to be a little afraid of Rich

ard : we had bee n s o long apart and he had grown so ,

much o lder .

“
I h o pe at least you are n o t go ing t o scold me fo r
, ,

”
it I said at last with a little laugh feeling that was
, , ,

my best way out o f it “

I shall think yo u are not
.

”
glad to see me .

”
I am glad t o see you he said gravely and as
, ,

to scolding it s so l o ng since y o u ve given me an o p

,
’ ’

”
p o rt u n it
y
,
I sh o uld n o t kn o w h o w t o
g o t o w o rk .

Do yo u mean because I ve been away s o long o r

,
’
,

”
because I ve been so go o d ?
’

Susan w ho had been wat ching her o pp o rtunity

, ,

now appeared in the dining— roo m door and said that ,

dinner was on the table .

 RI CH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
31 7

Richard asked fo r Mrs Throckmort o n when we sat .

down t o dinn er I t o ld him she wa s dini n g with her

.

niece (She had reconsidered the question o f the

.

headache and had gone t o hear more news ) The

, .

dinner was very nice and very nicel y served ; but ,

somehow Ri chard did n o t see m to en j o y it very

,

much that is not as I had been in the habit lately o f

, ,

seeing men enjoy their meals .

“
I am afraid yo u are get ting like Uncle Le o nard ,

”
and only care ab o ut W all street I said I shouldn t
’
-
,
.
’

wonder if yo u forgot t o o rder your d in n er half the

time and to o k the same thing fo r breakfast every
,

”
morni n g in the yea r .

“ ”
That s just e x actly ho w it is he said
’
If ,
.

Sophie did n o t c o me d o wn to my quarters every

week o r two and reg ulate a ffairs a little I d o n t
, ,
’

know where I should be in the m atter of m y din ,

”
ners.

“
How is Sophie I said .

Very well I s a w her yesterday I went to put

. .

Charley in C o llege fo r her .

I can t think of C harley as a y o u n g man

’
.

Yes C harley is a strapping fellow within two

, ,

”
inches o f my height .

”
“
Impossible ! And where is Benny ?
At school here in town His m o ther wil l n o t let .
318 R I C H A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .

him go to b o arding school He is a n ice boy : I think

-
.

”
there s m ore in him than Charley
’
.

”
And I hear Kilian is m arried !
Yes Kilian is married— the v ery d a y yo u
.

”
landed t o o
,
.

“
Well I said with a little d ash o f temper I m
”
, ,
“
,
’

very s o rry fo r yo u all I did not think Kilian was .

g o ing t o be s o fo o lish .

’
“
He thinks he s very wise though all the same , , ,

said Richard with a smile which turn ed int o a sigh

, ,

befo re he had d o ne speaking .

”
I do dislike her s o I exclaimed warmly There
, ,
.

isn t an h o n est o r straightfo rward thing about her

’
.

She is weak too ; her only strength is her suppleness

,

and cunn i ng .

I kn o w yo u never liked her said Richard , ,

’
gravely ; but I h o pe you ll try to think better o f
“

her now .

“
I h o pe I shall never ha v e t o see her I answered
”
, ,

with angry warmth .

Richard was silent and I was very much a shamed

,

o f myself a moment after I had meant him t o se e .

how much impro ved I was; and h o w well disciplin ed .

This was a pretty exhibiti o n ! I had not sp o ken s o

of any o n e for a year at lea st I col o red with
,
.

m o rt ifica t io n and penitence Richard evidently .

 RIC H A R D VA N D E RM A R C K .
31 9

sa w it and felt sorry fo r me for he said most

, , ,

kindly ,

I can understand exactly how you feel Pauline , .

This marriage is a great trial to me I have done all .

I c o uld to keep Kilian fro m thro wing himself away ,

”
but I might as well have argued with the winds .

“
I d on t care how much Kilian throws himself
’

”
away I sai d impulsively
, ,
H e deserves it for
.

ke e ping around her all these years But I d o mind .

that sh e is y o ur S ls t e r and that she will be mistre ss

,

o f the house at R

There was an awful silen ce then Heavens ! what .

had I been thinking a bo ut to have said that !I had

precipitated the ale n o we m e n t and I had n o t meant to
’

,
.

I did n o t want t o hear it that moment if he were g o ,

ing to marry Charlotte Bens o n n o r d id I wan t to hear ,

it if he were saving the old place for me I felt as if

,
.

I ha d given the blow that would bring the whole

structure down and I waited fo r the crash in fright
,

ened silence .

I n the meantime the business o f the table went on .

I ate half a chicke n croquette and Susan placed the ,

salad befo re Richard and an o ther plate H e d id n o t

,
.

speak till he had pu t t he salad on his plate ; then he ,

said without lo o king at me in a voice a go od deal

, ,

lower than was usual to him ,

3 20 R IC HA R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

She is not t o be mistress of that house They will .

”
live in town .

Then I felt c o ld and chilled to my very heart ; it

was well that he d id not expect m e t o speak fo r I ,

co uld not have c o mmanded my voice enou gh to have

concealed my agitati o n I knew very well fro m that
.

moment that he was going to marry Charlotte Bens o n .

S omething that was said a little later was a c o n firm a

ti o n
.

I had recovered myself enough to talk ab o ut o rdi

nary thi n gs and t o keep strictly to them too Richard
, ,
.

was talking o f the great heat o f t he past summer I .

had said it ha d been unparalleled in France ; had he

not found it very unc o mfo rtable he re in t o wn
“
I have been o u t o f town s o much I can hardly sa y
,

”
how it ha s been here he answered,
“
I was all o f
.

August in t he country ; o nly coming to the city

”
twice .

My heart sank that was just what they had said ;

he had been a great deal at home this s ummer and ,

s he had been there all the time .

The dinner was bec o mi n g terribly e n n u ya n t and I ,

w ished with all my heart Thro ckmort o n had been

contented with just half the courses Richard did .

not seem to enj oy them and I — I was so wretched I

,

c o uld scarcely say a word much less eat a morsel It

,
.
 RIC H A R D VA ND E R M A R C H .
321

had been a great mistake t o i n vite him t o take dinner ;

it was being t oo familiar when he had put me at such
,

a distance all these years : I wished fo r Mrs Throck .

m o rton with all my heart Why had I sent her o ff .

Richard was evidently s o constrained and it was in ,

such bad taste to have asked him here ; it could not

help p utting tho ughts in both our minds sitting alone ,

at a table opposite each other as we should have been ,

sitting daily if that horrid will ha d not been found .

He ha d dined with us just twice before but that was at ,

dinner parties when there had been ever s o many

-
,

pe o ple between us and when I had not said s ix words

,

to him during the wh o le even ing .

The only excuse I could o ffer and that he could ,

understand would be that I wanted t o talk business

,

to him ; I had said in my n o te that I wanted t o c o nsult

him about something and I m ust keep that in mind
,
.

I had wa n ted to ask him about a house I thought of

’
buying adj o i n ing the Sisters Hospital to enlarge
, ,

their w o rk ; but I w a s so wicked and worldly I felt ,

just then as if I did n o t ca re whether they had a

h o use o r n o t or whether they did any work How
,
.

ever I res o lved to speak ab o ut it when we had got

, ,

away fro m the table if we ever did ,

.

Susan kept bringing dish after dish .

Oh we don t want any of that I ex claimed at

,
’
,
*
14
3 22 RI CH A R D VA N D E RM A R C R
’

“
last impatiently ; do take it away and tell the m to
, ,

send in the co ffee .

I was resolved upo n o n e thing : Richard should tell

me of his engagement befo re he went away ; it would
be dishonora ble and un kind if he did not and I sho uld ,

make him d o it I was n o t quite sure that I had self

.

contro l enough n o t t o show ho w it made me feel ,

when it came to hearing it all in s o many word s But .

i n very truth I had not much pride as regarded him ;

,

I felt so sore hearted and unhappy I did not care much

-
,

whether he knew it o r suspected it .

I could not help remembering ho w li ttle conceal

m ent he had made o f his l o ve fo r me even when he ,

knew that all the heart I had w a s given to another .

I would be very careful n o t to precipitate the d isclo s

ure however while we sat at table ; it is s o disagree
, ,

able to talk t o any o n e o n an agitati n g subj ect Di s M ia -

across a little dinner table w rt h a brig ht light o ver

-
,

head and a servant walking around able to stop and

, ,

study you from any p o int she pleases .

Coffee came at last th o ugh even that Susan was

, ,

unwilling t o look u p o n as the legitimate finale and ,

had her views about liqueur instru cted by Throck ,

morton But I cu t it short by getting up and saying

.
,

“
I m sure you ll be glad to go into the parlor ; it
’ ’

”
gets warm s o soon in these little rooms .
 RIC H A R D VA ND E R lI A R C K
I .
3 23

The parl o r was very cool and pleasant ; a window

had been open and the air was fresh and the flowers
, ,

were d elicious and the lamp was s o fter and pleasanter

,

than the gas I went to break up the c o al and make

.

the fire blaze a n d Richard to shut the window d o wn

,
.

When I had pulled a chair up to the fire and seated

myself he sto o d leaning o n the mantelpiece o n the
, ,

o ther side fro m me I felt s ure he meant t o go the

.
,

—
minute that he could g e t away a committ ee meeting ,

no d oubt or s o me such na useous fraud But he should

,
.

not go away until he had t o ld me that was certain ,

.

What is it that you wanted t o ask m e about ,

”
Pauline ? he said rather abruptly ,
.

My heart gave a great thump ; how c o uld he have

known ? Oh it was the business that I had spoken
,

o f in my s t hpid note Yes and I began t o explai n to

.

him what I wanted to do about the hospi t al .

He l o oked infinitely relieved I believe he ha d an .

idea it was something very di fferent My explanation .

could not have added much to his reveren ce for my

business ability I was very indefinite and could not
-
.
,

tell him whether it was hundreds o r th o usands that I

meant .

H e said with a smile he tho u ght it must be thou

,

sands as city property was so very high He was very

,
.

kind however about the matter and did n o t disc o ur

, , ,
3 24 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .

age me at all He always seemed to appro ve of my

.

desire to give away in charity and withi n b o unds , , ,

always furthered such plans o f d o ing go o d He said .

he would lo o k into it a n d w o uld write me word next

,

week what his impression was ; and then I think he , ,

meant to g o away .

Then I bega n talking o n every subj ect I could

think o f hoping some o f the ro ads would lead to
,

Rome But none o f them led there and I was in

.
,

d espair .

’ ”
Oh don t yo u want to look at some ph o tographs ?
,

I said at last thinking I saw an opening fo r my we d ge

, ,
.

I got the package and he came t o the table and lo o ked

,

at them standing u p They were n aturally o f much

,
.

more interest to me than to him being of places and

people with which I had s o lately been fa miliar .

But he looked at them very kindly and asked a ,

good many questions ab o ut them .

“
Look at this I said handing him an Antwerp
”
, ,

peasant woman in her hideous b o nnet

-
“
I sn t that .
’

ridiculously like Charlotte Benson ? I bo u ght it b e

cause it was so singular a resemblance .

I t is like her he said th o ughtfully looking at it

”
, , ,

“
lo n g . The m o uth is a little larger and the eyes
further apart But it is a mos t striking likeness I t
. .

”
might almost have been taken for her .
 R IC H A R D VA ND E RM A R C K .
325

How is she and whe n have you seen her ? I said

,
”
,

a little choked for breath .

“
She is ver y well I sa w her yesterday he
‘
”
.
,

answered still looking at the little picture

, .

W a s she with S o phie this summer ? ”

Ye s for almost two m onths

,
”
.

I hope she doesn t keep everybody in order as ’

”
sharply as she used to ? I said with a bitter little ,

laugh .

“ ” ’
I d o n t know he said I think perhaps she
,
.
, ,

is rather less decided than she used to be .

Oh yo u call it decision do you ? Well I m glad

, , ,
’

I know what it is I used t o think it had n t such a

.
’

pretty name as that .

Richard l o o ked grave ; it certainly was not a grace

ful way to lead up to c o ngratulati o ns .

“But th e n you always liked her ” I said

,
.
,

Yes I always liked

,
answered si m ply ,
.

“
I m afraid I m not very amiable I ret o rte d
’ ’”
,

for I never liked her : no better even than that fraud

u le n t Mary Leight o n clever and sensible as she a lways ,

was T here is such a thing as being t o o clever and

.
,

t o o sensible and making yo urself an o ffence to all

,

”
less ad m irable pe o ple .

Richard was entirely silent and I was sure was , , ,

disapproving o f me very much .

3 26 RI CH A R D VA N D E R M A R C K .

”
D o yo ukn o w W hat I heard yesterday ? I said in ,

a daring way “
And I h o pe y o u re g o ing to tell me
.
’

if it s tr ue t o night
’
,
-

What was it that you heard yesterday he asked ,

without much change o f tone He had laid down the .

photograph and had go ne back and was leaning by

, ,

the man t elpiece again .

Why I heard that yo u were going t o marry

,

C harl o tte Bens o n Is it true .

I had pushed away the pile o f photographs from

me and had l o oked up at him when I began but m y
, ,

voice and c o urage rather failed before the end and my ,

eyes fell There was a silence — a silence that seemed

.

t o stifle me .

“ ”
Why do you ask me that questi o n ? he said at ,

last in a lo w voice
,
D o you believe I am your .
,
”
self ?
”
No I cried springi ng up and g o ing o ver t o his
, , ,

side N o I d o n t believe it Tell me it isn t true

,
’
.
’
,

a n d promise me u won t ever ever marry C harlotte

’
yo ,

”
Bens o n .

The relief was s o u nspeakable that I didn t care

’

what I said and the joy I felt showed itself in my

,

face and voice I put out my hand t o hi m when I

.

”
said promise me but he did not take it and turned
“
, ,

his head away from me .

 RIC HA R D VA ND E RM A R OK .
3 27

I shall not marry C harlotte Benson he said ; ,

”

but I cann o t understand what difference it makes t o

”
ou
y .

It was n o w my turn to be silent and I shrank back ,

a step o r two in great confusion .

H e raised his head a n d l o o ked steadily at me fo r a

,

m o ment and t hen said

,

“
Pauline yo u did a great many things but I don t
, ,
’

think you ever willingly deceived me Did yo u .

I sh o o k my head with o ut l o oking up .

Then be careful what you d o n o w and let the ,

”
past alone he said and his vo rce was almost stern
, , .

I trembled and turned pale ,

.

”
W o men s o metimes play with dangerous weapons ,

’
he said I d o n t accus e yo u o f mean ing to give
pain but o nly o f fo rgetting that so me reco llecti o ns
,

are n o t t o yo u what they are to me I never want t o .

interfere with any o ne s comfo rt o r enj o yment ; I o nly

’

want t o be let al o ne I do very well and am n o t uh

.
,

happy A b O . u t marrying now o r ever I should have , ,

thought you w o uld have known B u t let me tell yo u .

once fo r all : I haven t any thought o f it and shal l

’
,

not e ver have It is n o t that I am h o ldi n g to any

.

fo o lish hopes It would be exactly the same if you

.

w e re m a rried or had die d It simply isn t in my

,
.
’

nature to feel the same way a second time Pe o ple .

328 RI C H A R D VA N D E R M A R C K
’
.

are made di fferently that is all I m very well con

,
.
’

”
tented and yo u n eed never let it w o rry yo u
,
.

He was very pale n o w and his eyes had an ex ,

pression I had never seen in them before .

“ ” “
Richard I said faintly I never ha ve deceived
, , ,

o u : believe me n o w when I tell you I am s o rry

y ,

”
fro m my hear t fo r all that s past ’
.

You told me s o befo re and I did fo rgive you I ,

.

fo rgave yo u fully and have never had a th o ught that

,

”
wasn t kind
’
.

“ ” “
I kn o w it I said But you d o n o t trust me
,
.

y o u don t ever’
come near me o r want t o see me ,
.

”
“
Y o u d o n o t kn o w what yo u a re talking o f he ,

answere d turni n g fro m me

,
I forgive yo u anything .

you may have done at a n y time t o give m e pain I .

will d o everythin g I can to serve you in every way ,

I can o nly d o n o t stir up the past and let me fo rget ,

”
the little o f it that I can forget .

. I burst into tears and put my hands befo re my ,

face .

“ ”
What is it ? he said uneasily Y o u need not ,
.

”
be troubled about m e .

Seeing that I did n o t st o p he said again “

Tell , ,

”
me : is it that that troubles yo u ?
I sh o ok my he ad .

What is it then ? Something that I do not kn ow

,
 RICH A R D VA ND E R M A R C K .
32 9

about ? Pauline you are un happy and yet you ve

, ,
’

everything in the world to make yo u happy I o ft en .

”
think there are n o t many wo m en have as much
,
.

“ ”
The po o rest of them are better o ff than I I said , ,

without fa isin g my head .

“ ” “
Then you are ungrateful he said fo r yo u have ,

youth and health and money and everybody likes

, , ,

”
you You could ch o o se from all the w o rld
. .

N o I couldn t I exclaimed like a child ;

,
’
,
” “
and ,

” —
everybody doesn t like me and then I cried a gain
’
, ,

fo r I was really in despair and tho u ght he meant to ,

put me a w ay memory and all,

.

“ ”
Well if that s your trouble he said with a sigh
,
’
, , ,

”
I suppose I cannot help you but I m very sorry ’
.

”
“
Yes yo u ca n help me I cried impl o ri n gly fo r
, , ,

getting all I ought t o have remembered if y o u °

only would forgive me really and in earnest and be , ,

friends again — and let me try and I covered my

face with my hands .

”
“
Pauline he sai d standing by my side and his
, , ,

voice al m ost frightened me it was so strong with feel ,

ing ; i s this a piece of sentiment ? Do yo u mean

“

”
anything ? Or am I to be t rifle d with again ?
He took hold o f my wrists with b o th his hands ,

with such force a s to give me pain and drew them ,

fro m my face .
3 30 R IC H A R D VA ND E RM A R CK .

” “
Look at me he said ,
and tell me what yo u
,

mean and decide n o w —forever and fo rever For

‘
.

this is the last time that yo u will have a chance t o

”
say.

“ ”
I t s all very well
’
I said trying to turn my face
, ,

“
aw ay from him It s all very well t o talk a bo ut
.
’

l o ving me yet and being just the same but this isn t
,
’

the way yo u u sed to talk and I think it s very hard,

’

”
“
That isn t answering m e he said h o l d ing me
’
, ,

clo se r t o him
a .

”
What shall I say I w hispered hiding my face
, ,

up o n his arm . N o thing will ever sa tisfy you .

”
Nothing ever ha s satisfied me he sai d before , ,
.

TH E END .
 i
d n n e rs , a n d li i
v n g i n a d e c e n t C h r s t a n w a y , t h a t ha s y e t i i
fo u n d i t s w a y i n o u r h o u s e h o ld
”
Wa t ch m a n a n a R efl e ct o r
7
. .

C O M M O N S E NS E
In the Hous ehold .

A M A NUA L OF PRA C TIC A L HOUS E WIFE RY ,

B y M A R ION H A R LA ND ,
A u th o r o f “
A lo n e ,
” “
H id d e n P a th s ,
” “
N e m e s is ,
”
&c .
, &c .

One vo l . ra m cl th o, o . P r i ce .
$1 75

WH A f
'

SE E T TH E C R I TI C S , A N D P R A C TI C A L H O US E K E E P E R S ,
say o zt

we ha e fr m a ther p pu l ar eli st a c kery b k where f h use

A nd no w v o no o nov oo oo o o ur o

keeper (th i s l i terary rec r d er i s t a bache l r) speaks m st e thus i asti call y S h says
,

o no o o n e

that s imp li c i ty d c l ear e s s f e p ess i accuracy f d eta il a regar d t ec my f

.

an n o x r on, o o o no o

materi a l d certa i ty f g d resu l ts are re qu i s i tes i a use ful rece i pt b k f the

,

-
an n o oo n oo or

d M ari H arl a d has c mprehe d e d a ll these That she has by e peri e ce

, ,

k i tche n, an on n o n x n

p r e d the f h usekeepers he l ps i g e era l i s sh w by the arra g e

.

ov f t i un sa t rs a c o r n e s s o o
’
n n o n n

me t f her b k S h ha s appe d e d a star such rec i pes as after ha i g tri e d them

n o oo e n to v n

hersel f s he rec mme d as safe d g e era ll y s i mp l e S uch a direct ry w il l be a

.
,

ca n o n an n o

g reat he l p t g es t the b k f a id i prepari g a pleasa t d sa ry meal

.
, .

wh o o ne o o o oo or n n n an vo

wi th ut much e peri e ce c ki g Th la guag e

o x s i mp l e d the di recti s
n in oo n e n rs so an on so

p l a i that a rea s abl y i tell ig e t c k m ight a a i l herse l f f i t t ary her ma er f

,

n, on n n oo v o o v nn o

prepari g e e r d i a y d ishes Th i tr d ucti t h b k sh u l d b pr i te d as a

n v n o n r e n o on o t e oo o e n

tract d put i e ery h use Th m pl a d ice f the ma ageme t f ser a ts the

.

an n v o e sr e v or n n o v n

g e era!di rect i s at the hea d f each d epartme t f c ki g d the e cell e t pa ge s

.
,

n on o n o oo n an x n on

the s i ck r m make as c mp l ete a i d t h usekeepers as well be d es i e d H

,
”
-
oo o an o o ca n r .
- a r
,

t h ly
’
per s M on

the ha d s f th auth r wh se ame i s well k w i a ther d epartme t f

.

“
In n o e o o n no n n no n o

li terature the subject has bee treate d w i th t h r u gh ess d sk ill sh w i g that a li ttl e
,

n o o n an o n

c mm se se may be as success ful i the c c cti f a t ths me i a d as i the m

, ,

o on n n on o on o oo o v n n co

p si ti f a r ma ce —N I D ily T i b
o on o o n
’
a r un e.

I i sp i res us w i th a great respect f the h usew i fery f a li tera y la d y d we

. .

“
t n or o o r an

ca t err i pre di ct i g f i t a w id e p pul ari ty —IV Y E i g P t

,
”
nno n n or o ve n n os

U i tes the mer its f a trustw rthy rece i pt b k W i th the fresh ess f a fam i li ar
. . . .

“
o -

ta l k h u s eh ld a ffa i r s —A lb y E i g y
n o oo n o

on o o l a n ve n n o urn a

Th d i rect i s are c l ear pract i ca l g d i the i r way that the l y w d er is

.

e d on an so oo n on on

hea d c u l d h ld ma y p t s kettl es d pa s d such a w rl d f gas

, , ,

h w o y an one o o so n o an n an o o

g d th i g s —H t h d H m
, , ,
”
tro n o m ic oo n ea r a n o e.

T h rec i pes are c l ear l y e presse d easy t f ll w t at a ll e pe s i e

.

“
e d Th x o o o an no x n v e

su gg esti s ab ut h useh ld a ffa i rs are h O a test c mpari s w i th thr ther

.
, ,

on o o o c ze n o on ee o

Ameri ca c k— b ks i t c mes t ahea d up e ery c u t B ey d thi s p t

.

n oo oo o d ou on v o n on ex er o cre e

th i g m re ee d be sa id —C h i t U i
.
,
°
”
no n o n . r s za n n on .

C p i es se t p st pa i d
o rece i pt f the pri ce by
n o -
, on o ,

C H A RLE S S C R IB N E R C O .
,

6 54 B ro a d w a y, N ew Yo r k .
 R E TUR N TO t he c irc u a t io n
l desk o f a ny

Un ive rs it y o fC a lifo rn ia Lib ra ry

o rto t he

NO R TH E R N R E G IO NA L LIB R A R Y FA C ILITY
Bl d g 4 00, Ric h m o n d Fie l d S t a t io n
.

Un ive rs it y o f C a lifo rn ia
Ric h m o n d C A 9 4804 4 6 9 8
,
-

A LL BO O K S M A Y BE R E C A LLE D A FTE R 7 DA YS
2 m o n t h l o a n s m a y be
-
re n e we d by ca ll in g
(4 1 5 ) 6 4 2 -
6 7 53
1 ye a r l o a n s m a y be
-
re c ha rg e d b y b rin g in g bo o ks
t o NRLF
Re n e wa ls a nd re c ha rg e s m a y b e m a d e 4 d a ys
p rio r t o d ue d a t e