THE DANGERS AND MERITS OF BLIND LOYALTY IN FAMILY.

A family is a group of people who are related by blood, marriage, or adoption and live together in one
household. Families have a significant influence on their members, as they share common
characteristics such as surname, identity, culture, traditions, norms, religion, and beliefs. The family is
the first socializing agent, where interpersonal relationships and socialization begin. Infants learn by
imitating others in the family, and what they learn within the family setting shapes their behavior as
they grow up. The knowledge, norms, and culture they acquire in the family will influence how they
interact with others in public and society.

Loyalty is a valuable quality that is essential in any healthy relationship. Loyalty means being sincere,
truthful, honest, supportive, trustworthy, direct, unbiased, respectful, and appreciative. It plays a crucial
role in building strong and lasting relationships, whether they are familial, romantic, social,
organizational, or religious. Loyalty starts within the family, as they say, "charity begins at home."
Loyalty strengthens bonds and creates social support in relationships. However, while loyalty has its
advantages, it can also be harmful when it becomes detrimental to oneself.

Blind loyalty is when a person trusts and supports someone they are devoted to, regardless of whether
that person is right or wrong. It means being loyal to someone even if they behave badly or do
something terrible to you. Those who engage in blind loyalty are always humble and submissive. They
will never speak out against the person they are loyal to. They believe that loyalty is more important
than antagonizing the person they are devoted to. They prioritize siding with and covering up for that
person rather than revealing the truth. Blind loyalty can lead to dysfunction within a family and can be
dangerous and harmful. Therefore, blind loyalty within a family can be risky and detrimental.

Family loyalty is the act of following the expectations and responsibilities that come with being a part of
a family. A loyal family member is dedicated to upholding the customs, culture, and traditions of their
family. They respect and follow the obligations, rules, instructions, and norms that are established
within the family. A loyal family member listens and follows the guidance of their elders to maintain a
respectful relationship. They are always willing to contribute to the success of the family, whether it be
through physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual support. Parents may reward the loyalty shown by
their children. However, it is important to note that blind loyalty can sometimes develop within families.

Blind loyalty in the family usually begins during early childhood when the child tries to win his/her
parents' heart. This is because the worst thing for a child is to feel chastised, unloved, and unwanted.
The child will always try to win the parents' love, approval, and acceptance. As growth and development
occur, the child strives to do things that will make the parents communicate their obvious acceptance. It
is important to note that the child didn't come up with this behavior on their own. It is a reaction and a
result of what the parents instill in the child, which the child becomes accustomed to. Everyone wants to
possess a perfect family so as to be able to ignore shortcomings and transform family issues into virtues.
Differences become clear when we later see other people's families functioning at a higher level than
ours. That's when we begin to compare.

Anyone who is blindly loyal in the family does things without thinking twice about the wrongs that
others within the family have done to him. Loyalists do not question the wrongdoings of family
members, even if it goes against their beliefs. It is unfortunate that blind family loyalty sometimes
occurs unconsciously, and it is also consciously done to maintain peace and unity within the family. The
blindly loyal family member will ignore concrete examples of scandalous actions within the family in an
intentional effort to avoid causing tension. Blind family loyalists overlook certain malicious acts that
create problems within the family, such as constant spouse and child abuse, drug abuse, betting and
gambling, and teaching children to trick and deceive others.

In favor of accepting the family's perceptions of malicious events, people want to claim that they have a
perfect, stainless family. They act as if they are too blind to see the loopholes and then transform family
issues into virtues. Blindly loyal individuals follow without question and stand behind the family. This is
done unconsciously because one wouldn't want to make the other family member angry. A blind loyalist
regards this as peacekeeping. Sometimes, the blindly loyal member will go along with things even when
common sense and guilt try to persuade him or her to reveal the truth. The child remains loyal to the
parents whenever he or she has been instructed not to reveal secrets in order to maintain the love and
provision from the parents. We may not totally blame them for this because they do so out of mere
ignorance.

A woman's husband used to beat her up mercilessly all the time. He would sometimes strip her naked in
front of their children. She made her three sons promise not to let anyone know what was going on in
the family. She did not tell anyone about what was going on in her home, except her sister, whom she
told that it wasn't serious. She begged her sister not to tell anybody. Telling ourselves that something
was perfect when it was not is emotionally bad and it is a form of denial. The blind loyalty of her children
and sister did not change her to liberate from the man's tyranny. She remained in the union as the
mother to her children and a wife to her husband. She did not want her children to experience a
separated home. The woman eventually passed away while her husband was hitting her again.

The woman died as a result of her blind loyalty. During the investigation, the children opened up to
investigating officers about the several brutalities their mother had faced at the hands of their father.
The man was charged and given a jail term for committing homicide. The children didn't tell anyone
about the horrific nature of their father because their mother had assured them that all was fine and
told them not to reveal what had happened to anybody. The children were blindly loyal to her cause. It
was good that the children were loyal and secretive, but not in this context. If the children had opened
up to family members or the public, they would not have lost their mother. What is the probability that
one of these children, if not all, will not become a woman beater?

Parents often instruct their children to remain quiet when elderly people are having a conversation. If
the child fails to follow this rule, they may be punished or even physically harmed. This practice may
seem surprising, as it is believed to teach the child to respect their elders. However, it can also instill fear
in the child, causing them to avoid speaking up in the future to avoid being scolded. While this may have
some advantages, it can also suppress the individual's ability to express themselves in a group
dominated by respected individuals. As a result, the individual may grow up with a fear of being
chastised whenever they want to speak their mind in public.

Loyalty starts from home, as they say. A child learns from imitation. Children may come to believe that it
is normal to deceive people because their parents often ask them to lie to unwanted visitors who come
to their home, while they are actually hiding in the room. The only way to prevent the visitors from
seeing them is to make the children convince the visitors that they are truly absent at that particular
time. As this practice continues repeatedly, the child blindly becomes loyal to the parents' game, and
whenever such a situation arises, they easily go along with it because they are accustomed to it. While it
may be seen as a merit, as it helps the child to be clever and think quickly in difficult situations, this is
how disloyalty begins in society.

The children of two wealthy families are forced to get married under the pressure of their parents for
the betterment of both families, as they themselves had to do previously. The blind loyalty of the
parents will push the children, while their blind loyalty makes them get married to each other by force.
This forced union will make the couple unhappy their whole life and will leave the image of
disappointment in marital love to the next generation.

Some benefits of loyalty within the family include:

- Loyalty promotes respect for older family members.

- It increases individual self-esteem, confidence, and happiness within the family.

- Loyalty helps individuals set goals for their future.

- It fosters closer relationships among family members.

- Loyalty protects the family from unwanted individuals.

- It encourages faithfulness among family members.

- Loyalty can help combat violence and abuse if given the opportunity.

- It enhances the positive growth of children within the family.

- Loyalty helps preserve family traditions.

- Loyalty creates a greater sense of belonging within the family, as opposed to feeling isolated.

- Loyalty teaches children to obey their parents.

- It helps children develop quick reasoning skills in challenging situations.

Some dangers of blind loyalty in the family include:

- Blind loyalty can prevent family members from speaking the truth. In some families, it is rare for
members to confront each other about hurtful behavior.

- Blind loyalty involves remaining quiet to keep peace, which can damage the integrity of a family.

- When parents scold a child, the child may become afraid to speak up in the future to avoid being
scolded, instilling fear in their mind.

- Blind loyalty may lead to disloyalty down the line.

- Blind loyalty has made a large portion of the population deceitful and conniving. This behavior is
common in Nigerian society, where parents often encourage their children to lie to strangers.

- A person who is blindly loyal accepts contradictory perceptions or views without questioning them.

- Blind loyalty involves going along with familial decisions to avoid conflict.

- Ignoring and pretending that family issues do not exist is detrimental.

- Failure to identify or acknowledge familial imperfections is problematic.

- Consciously transforming family issues into virtues is harmful.

- Out of blind loyalty, people may accept certain conditions out of fear of losing the love, support,
attention, and respect of their family members.

- Blind loyalty and fear can lead individuals to play along with behaviors and decisions that contradict
their true lives as a couple.
Blind family loyalties can sometimes be advantageous, but they are mostly detrimental. Blind loyalties
can lead to quick recovery from unwanted situations, but they can also keep someone trapped in a
dysfunctional family dynamic. It is true that our acceptance and practice of loyalty developed at a young
age when we were not aware of it. We had no choice but to accept it without hesitation and were
taught to follow certain norms out of respect for our family. Each of us has made wrong, illegal, and
misguided loyalty decisions in our early stages of life that no longer align with our current values. It is
important to become aware of these blind loyalty decisions and proceed with caution. We have all
experienced blind loyalty within our families and have unknowingly done hurtful things to others, both
within and outside of our family. I advise everyone not to let blind loyalty dominate our family activities.
Let us strive to do what is best for our family and navigate through life with integrity.

BY
OGUNDOLA BLESSING EKUNDAYO