Message Received: 7 Steps to Break

Down Communication Barriers at Work

(BUSINESS BOOKS) Mary E. Donohue
Visit to download the full and correct content document:
https://ebookmass.com/product/message-received-7-steps-to-break-down-communic
ation-barriers-at-work-business-books-mary-e-donohue/
Contents
1. Cover
2. Title Page
3. Copyright Page
4. Dedication
5. Contents
6. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
7. INTRODUCTION YOUR BRAIN: THE GREAT DIGITAL VOICE
CRISIS
8. CHAPTER ONE STEP 1: STOP ASSUMING
9. CHAPTER TWO STEP 2: ELIMINATE DIGITAL DISTRUST
10. CHAPTER THREE STEP 3: UNDERSTAND
MISUNDERSTANDINGS
11. CHAPTER FOUR STEP 4: IDENTIFY GENERATIONAL TRIGGERS
12. CHAPTER FIVE STEP 5: HAVE BETTER MEETINGS
13. CHAPTER SIX STEP 6: AMPLIFY GENERATIONAL
COLLABORATION WITH MENTORING
14. CHAPTER SEVEN STEP 7: REALIZE YOUR POWER AS A
COMMUNICATOR
15. NOTES
16. GLOSSARY
17. INDEX

Guide
1. Cover
2. Title Page
3. Message Received: 7 Steps to Break Down Communication Barriers
at Work

Page List
 1. a
2. b
3. i
4. ii
5. iii
6. iv
7. v
8. vi
9. vii
10. viii
11. ix
12. x
13. xi
14. xii
15. xiii
16. xiv
17. 1
18. 2
19. 3
20. 4
21. 5
22. 6
23. 7
24. 8
25. 9
26. 10
27. 11
28. 12
29. 13
30. 14
31. 15
32. 16
33. 17
34. 18
35. 19
36. 20
37. 21
38. 22
39. 23
40. 24
41. 25
42. 26
43. 27
44. 28
45. 29
46. 30
47. 31
48. 32
49. 33
50. 34
51. 35
52. 36
53. 37
54. 38
55. 39
56. 40
57. 41
58. 42
59. 43
60. 44
61. 45
62. 46
63. 47
64. 48
65. 49
66. 50
67. 51
68. 52
69. 53
70. 54
71. 55
72. 56
73. 57
74. 58
75. 59
76. 60
77. 61
78. 62
79. 63
80. 64
81. 65
82. 66
 83. 67
84. 68
85. 69
86. 70
87. 71
88. 72
89. 73
90. 74
91. 75
92. 76
93. 77
94. 78
95. 79
96. 80
97. 81
98. 82
99. 83
100. 84
101. 85
102. 86
103. 87
104. 88
105. 89
106. 90
107. 91
108. 92
109. 93
110. 94
111. 95
112. 96
113. 97
114. 98
115. 99
116. 100
117. 101
118. 102
119. 103
120. 104
121. 105
122. 106
123. 107
124. 108
125. 109
126. 110
127. 111
128. 112
129. 113
130. 114
131. 115
132. 116
133. 117
134. 118
135. 119
136. 120
137. 121
138. 122
139. 123
140. 124
141. 125
142. 126
143. 127
144. 128
145. 129
146. 130
147. 131
148. 132
149. 133
150. 134
151. 135
152. 136
153. 137
154. 138
155. 139
156. 140
157. 141
158. 142
159. 143
160. 144
161. 145
162. 146
163. 147
164. 148
165. 149
166. 150
167. 151
168. 152
169. 153
170. 154
171. 155
172. 156
173. 157
174. 158
175. 159
176. 160
177. 161
178. 162
179. 163
180. 164
181. 165
182. 166
183. 167
184. 168
185. 169
186. 170
187. 171
188. 172
189. 173
190. 174
191. 175
192. 176
193. 177
194. 178
195. 179
196. 180
197. 181
198. 182
199. 183
200. 184
201. 185
202. 186
203. 187
204. 188
205. 189
206. 190
207. 191
208. 192
209. 193
210. 194
211. 195
212. 196
213. 197
214. 198
215. 199
216. 200
217. 201
218. 202
219. 203
220. 204
221. 205
222. 206
223. 207
224. 208
225. 209
226. 210
227. 211
228. 212
229. 213
230. 214
231. 215
232. 216
233. 217
234. 218
235. 219
236. 220
237. 221
238. 222
239. 223
240. 224
 PRAISE FOR
MESSAGE RECEIVED
“Message received indeed! Dr. Mary shares incredible insight
into the pitfalls of the message we are sending versus the
message that is being received and how critical clear
communication is to navigating the multigenerational digital
crisis we find ourselves in. Throw in a pandemic twist and her
trademark wit, and this becomes a must-read for anyone who
wants to break down barriers by better understanding not only
themselves but everyone they communicate with.”

—JORDAN SHERIDAN, General Manager of Modern Workplace,

Microsoft

“This book is transformative! It has helped me change the way I

communicate and how I lead a team of multigenerational
leaders and teammates! Mary Donohue is brilliant, and she
breaks down each generation, describing what drives their
members and their communication barriers! Definitely worth
the read!!!!!”

—LESLIE LORENZ, Director of Data and Analytics, Lululemon

“Dr. Donohue is already an inspiration to so many! In her new

book, she expands on her guiding principles to communication.
Dr. Mary has transcended the way our leadership team
functions in any and every scenario. Message Received is a
culmination of her organizational experiences plus her unique
innovative spirit! Dr. Mary has identified the source and
solution to our digital stress. Her subject matter expertise and
willingness to forge the path for us all to embrace and thrive in
the new digital world makes this a must-read!”
—CHRIS ISHII, President and COO, D4DT, Inc.

“Dr. Donohue has done it again! She has written another must-
read for leaders who want to get the most from their teams.
Read this book and learn from one of the best leadership minds
in the field.”

—MICHAEL CAMP, General Manager, Walmart, Inc.

“Dr. Mary Donohue did it again. She created simple yet

comprehensive tools to help many generations connect right
where they are. This is a must-read and a keeper for your
fingertips’ resource.”

—PAM MCELVANE, CEO of Diversity, MBA Media

“Rarely have I read and reread a book where I have not only
highlighted its wisdom but also taken notes. Dr. Donohue’s
brilliant and pithy tome is sure to become the post-Covid bible
guiding the way forward. The charts, which make science
simple, are a must. Her talent is further revealed in her ability
to make the reader both learn and chuckle at the same time.
This is a rarity when many of us are facing our darkest days in
this era of disaster. Kudos to Donohue. Get the book now! I
hope my friends are not reading this review, because it is going
to be your holiday gift.”

—NEALE GODFREY, New York Times bestselling author,

America’s expert on family finance

“This book is a must-read!!! It allowed me to understand where

teammates were coming from, and furthermore, I was able to
take action that paved the path to positive progress in achieving
the objectives. More importantly, it allows leadership to be
driven with an open mind, as the underpinning taps into one’s
curiosity and interest. Congratulations, Mary.”

—CHRISTINA GARGANIS HOIS, Managing Director Cross Business

Risk Capital Markets, BMO Bank of Montreal
Copyright © 2021 by Dr. Mary Donohue. All rights reserved.
Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of
1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or
distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database
or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the
publisher.

ISBN: 978-1-26-045636-3
MHID: 1-26-045636-6

The material in this eBook also appears in the print version of

this title: ISBN: 978-1-26-045635-6, MHID: 1-26-045635-8.

eBook conversion by codeMantra

Version 1.0

All trademarks are trademarks of their respective owners.

Rather than put a trademark symbol after every occurrence of a
trademarked name, we use names in an editorial fashion only,
and to the benefit of the trademark owner, with no intention of
infringement of the trademark. Where such designations appear
in this book, they have been printed with initial caps.

McGraw-Hill Education eBooks are available at special quantity

discounts to use as premiums and sales promotions or for use in
corporate training programs. To contact a representative, please
visit the Contact Us page at www.mhprofessional.com.

TERMS OF USE

This is a copyrighted work and McGraw-Hill Education and its

licensors reserve all rights in and to the work. Use of this work
is subject to these terms. Except as permitted under the
Copyright Act of 1976 and the right to store and retrieve one
copy of the work, you may not decompile, disassemble, reverse
engineer, reproduce, modify, create derivative works based
upon, transmit, distribute, disseminate, sell, publish or
sublicense the work or any part of it without McGraw-Hill
Education’s prior consent. You may use the work for your own
noncommercial and personal use; any other use of the work is
strictly prohibited. Your right to use the work may be
terminated if you fail to comply with these terms.

THE WORK IS PROVIDED “AS IS.” McGRAW-HILL

EDUCATION AND ITS LICENSORS MAKE NO GUARANTEES
OR WARRANTIES AS TO THE ACCURACY, ADEQUACY OR
COMPLETENESS OF OR RESULTS TO BE OBTAINED FROM
USING THE WORK, INCLUDING ANY INFORMATION THAT
CAN BE ACCESSED THROUGH THE WORK VIA HYPERLINK
OR OTHERWISE, AND EXPRESSLY DISCLAIM ANY
WARRANTY, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT
LIMITED TO IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR
PURPOSE. McGraw-Hill Education and its licensors do not
warrant or guarantee that the functions contained in the work
will meet your requirements or that its operation will be
uninterrupted or error free. Neither McGraw-Hill Education
nor its licensors shall be liable to you or anyone else for any
inaccuracy, error or omission, regardless of cause, in the work
or for any damages resulting therefrom. McGraw-Hill
Education has no responsibility for the content of any
information accessed through the work. Under no
circumstances shall McGraw-Hill Education and/or its licensors
be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, punitive,
consequential or similar damages that result from the use of or
inability to use the work, even if any of them has been advised of
the possibility of such damages. This limitation of liability shall
apply to any claim or cause whatsoever whether such claim or
cause arises in contract, tort or otherwise.
Dedicated in loving memory of Bill Donohue and “Uncle” Jim
Smith.

And to my family who constantly tells me I am not funny. I am

funny—read the book, you’re in it. LOL!
 CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

INTRODUCTION

YOUR BRAIN: THE GREAT DIGITAL VOICE CRISIS

CHAPTER ONE

STEP 1: STOP ASSUMING

CHAPTER TWO

STEP 2: ELIMINATE DIGITAL DISTRUST

CHAPTER THREE

STEP 3: UNDERSTAND MISUNDERSTANDINGS

CHAPTER FOUR

STEP 4: IDENTIFY GENERATIONAL TRIGGERS

CHAPTER FIVE

STEP 5: HAVE BETTER MEETINGS

CHAPTER SIX

STEP 6: AMPLIFY GENERATIONAL COLLABORATION

WITH MENTORING

CHAPTER SEVEN
STEP 7: REALIZE YOUR POWER AS A
COMMUNICATOR

NOTES

GLOSSARY

INDEX
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I have to start by thanking my awesome husband and daughter
who put up with me writing on vacations, writing on the walls
when I couldn’t use a computer, and who valiantly tried to take
dictation from my messed-up head to help me get my work
done. Thank you for leaving me alone with my research and our
dogs to “do my thing.” I still haven’t gotten over one of you
killing Mr. Fish when I was traveling and researching this book,
but eventually my grief will subside. Another Mr. Fish would
help.

My admiration and respect for my editor Cheryl Segura can’t be

put into words. We had the idea for this book five years ago, and
at our first breakfast together in 2015, we clicked. Then life
happened and we almost didn’t get the book done. Her tenacity
of purpose and her dedication to me are unsurpassed. I also
want to thank “Baby” Segura for being so good to Mommy
during a very critical time of editing the book. Thanks to
everyone at McGraw Hill who was part of Cheryl’s team. Special
thanks to Nora Hennick, Amanda Muller, Mauna Eichner, and
Lee Fukui.

I would not be here without the love and amazing care of Dr.
Yasmin Rahim, who works at the Stronach Regional Cancer
Centre at Southlake. Yasmin, without you, I think I may have
simply asked for chemo all those years ago. With you, I climbed
mountains.

A huge thanks to Dr. Hassan Sibai, my brilliant oncoloxgist and

his research team, including Nancy Siddiq and Verna Chung,
the clinical nurses I have the privilege of working with at UHN.
Even though you persist in testing my blood and making me
show up for appointments when I really want to forget, I
appreciate you. You have not only taught me how to thrive but
how to eat and survive. Every visit with Dr. Sibai is a huge
intellectual hug. He encourages my research, my routine, and
my passion to help others heal.

I would also like to thank Dr. Vikas Gupta, director of the

Elizabeth and Tony Comper MPN Program at Princess Margaret
Cancer Center, who, along with Dr. Hassan and Dr. Yasmin,
encouraged and supported my research pursuits. This
wonderful group of doctors and nurses at UHN believe in my
research so much they have agreed to run clinical trials on my
digital therapeutic, called Footle. A digital therapeutic is an
evidence-based therapeutic that is run with software to prevent,
manage, or treat a disease, based on the research in this book.
Our goal is to help other leukemia and chronic disease patients
reduce their stress. Last but not least, I would like to thank Dr.
Daria Love, who introduced me to yoga, supplements, and
“cleaner” living. Because of all my doctors and nurses, I thrive
with this disease, instead of being left to wither on the vine.

Speaking about withering, without my friends, I think I would

have just shriveled up and hid. Thank you to Karen Howe for
always feeding us physically and emotionally. Karen, Randy,
Connor, and Maura—you have always been there at critical
times in our life and I appreciate it so much. Thanks for
introducing my daughter to cooking and all the expensive foods
that go with haute cuisine (like caviar—really, Karen?).

Christine Thomlinson and Jane McLeod are both awesome at

cooking. My daughter is a fixture at both their houses, usually
with her head in their cupboards. (Apparently our house has no
food in it.) Both are executive working moms and have been my
friends since our kids were in daycare together. We have
traveled together as families and for girls’ weekends. Together,
we have drunk too much and eaten some amazing food (and
some really bad food tainted by my blood due to my clumsiness
in the kitchen). Much to Jane’s husband Patrick’s chagrin, we
have raced to rides at Disney and run to beat the line to meet
Mickey Mouse. Heath, Chris’s husband, will tell you that, as a
group, we have spent far too little time together with Elvis. Last,
we have mourned together. We have weathered the storms of
parents, parenthood, and pandemics—thank you.

To my dear friend Beth Gordon Henry, who shares three special

bonds with me: rescue dogs, martinis, and an occasional really
good steak. Your friendship, love, and willingness to teach me
“corporate” speak is invaluable.

To the best-selling author Jeremy Miller, my work-husband

who is always there for me. He always picks up the phone and
always has time for a brainstorm or chat, especially when I just
riff on ideas. Keep up the rants, pal; they are awesome.

To Don Loney, my friend and fellow dog lover, who has edited
not only my corporate work and helped me with this book but
my husband’s book as well. We have windsurfed together,
enjoyed many a pint or glass of wine together, and really
enjoyed our walks with the dogs together.

My thanks to my hero Mike (Michael) Camp, who not only

embraced my system at Walmart when we first met in 2012 but
championed it. Mike, without you I doubt I would have written
this book. Thank you.

Speaking of champions, I couldn’t continue without my

xiifriend Trish Ronan, who has been my “bestie” since the first
day of undergraduate together at the University of Windsor,
when people mistook me for her and her for me. Thanks for
always taking care of everything and everyone when I needed
you, pal. Now please stop spoiling my daughter!

My other champion is Christina Hois, whom my family

originally called my “yoga friend” but now calls her “our friend.”
This giving woman—who is a cancer survivor, warrior mommy,
and brilliant banker—is an amazing supporter whose truth
seeking in conversation is equaled by her love of Bikram yoga,
exercise, and opera. Hopefully we can one day travel to every
opera house in the world together!

Whenever I have needed to understand “why,” I have called on

my pal Jordan Sheridan. He is one of those humans who you
meet and immediately like. Thank you, Jordan, for texting,
meeting, brainstorming, and always buying me lunch. You are a
true gentleman.

Breaking bread with people seems to be a theme so far in this

acknowledgment, so why not continue? I have had the privilege
of sharing a meal many times with my mentors: Chris Ishii,
Mark Tinnerman, Dr. Alan Middleton, Tom Bitove, and John
Barnett. Each has unwaveringly believed in me. They have
always picked up the phone or bought me lunch. When
discussing my ideas and products, at times, they have been
harsh and at other times, they have been effusive in their praise.
Thank you, boys!

My business coach Samy Chong is not only a brilliant cook and

charming dinner companion, he is my philosophical rock who
weekly helps me find my way. Thank you, Samy! My dear friend
Sarah Collins is my brand coach. Sarah, thank you for
encouraging and supporting not only me but my daughter as
well. Thank you.
A big thank you to my friend Pam McElvane, whom I met
because of my work in Arkansas and who was responsible for
xiiime meeting Dr. Ronald Copeland of Kaiser Permanente. Dr.
Copeland and Jabo Floyd of Walmart inspired the research that
became this book. Pam, thank you for inviting me to present at
the Diversity MBA conferences and for always finding me a
glass of wine and a sandwich with chips.

Speaking of wine, I have to thank my colleague and friend

Mohammad Mahasneh, who, until recently, was director of
communications at my company and who continues to be a dear
friend. Mo encourages me and, like me, enjoys a good bottle of
Chablis. Mo, thank you for always buying me the best presents,
including Veuve Clicquot. Thank you to my friend Marcel
Bregstein, the assistant general manager at the Toronto Hunt
Club, for his talent as a sommelier and for finding the
aforementioned Chablis and champagne. Thank you to my
friend Leslie Lorenz Karduck, who had an even worse year than
I did but still found time to be my “lifeline” whenever I went to
an AI conference (and who, of course, drank wine with me
whenever I was in Seattle). Speaking of Seattle, thank you to
Dave Heller and Raanah Amjadi, my Envision pals who have
become my friends. Thank you both for your support and love
and for the drinks!

Last, but not least, I would like to thank my Friday night family,
the team at Souvlaki Hut (Queen and Wineva), who feeds me
every single Friday night. Because of you, the sadness of always
writing alone on the weekends was felt a little less.
 INTRODUCTION

YOUR BRAIN: THE GREAT

DIGITAL VOICE CRISIS
MY CRISIS—AND YOURS
December 2018 was the start of an awful, rotten, terribly bad
period in my life. My dad died suddenly while watching his
beloved NBA-champion Toronto Raptors. While I was at his
funeral, the government tax auditor called to inform me my
company was being audited and I had to meet with their
officials the next day. After the funeral and my “visit” with the
auditors, I had to go to an appointment with my oncologist. My
blood numbers were bad, which meant more time at doctors’
offices and perhaps more treatment. To top this all off, four
days before Christmas I was rear-ended by a woman who I
suspect was texting while driving.

The emergency room doctor diagnosed me with a concussion, a

type of brain injury. He advised I might have difficulty
communicating and getting things done, which might cause me
to become angry and stressed.

He was right.

Over the course of the next year, work was very difficult as I
couldn’t communicate well. My business suffered, causing me to
spiral down into a lethargic depression. I did the minimum, I
didn’t push myself to try harder, and I didn’t do what should
have been done. I was ineffective and burned out—I became
part of the 67 percent of employees in North America who are
burned out at work.1

By the time July rolled around, my concussion symptoms were

no better, and my oncology team told me they were concerned
that my organs were on a “downward slide.” My concussion
doctors were concerned that I was not showing any
improvement. They recommended chemotherapy for my
cancerous blood and other drugs for my headaches.

For a few days I sat on my butt, stunned. I didn’t tell anyone

what was happening because, the thing was, most of my friends
were dealing with a lot worse. My depression continued.
Suddenly, one day, while sitting on the porch with my dogs and
a very strong martini in hand (hey, a girl needs her vices!), I
remembered something my darling friend and writing partner
Dr. E. Vince Carter once told me: “At your core, you are a
universal problem solver. You get shit done. You break through
walls using science and common sense.” Eric was right—it was
time to break a few walls. Work was literally killing me, and I
needed to change.

Prior to the start of the COVID-19 crisis and social distancing, in

the summer of 2019, I had to social distance to stay healthy and
heal. My only connection with people was through a computer. I
was no longer flying 30 weeks a year to see clients. I was
grounded without a playbook. After all, there are no guidelines
for suddenly not having physical contact with people. Digital
communication was causing me to fail because I could no longer
experience the social cues or body language that would normally
guide my comprehension of others’ messaging. I occasionally
heard a voice on the phone or saw a face on a video call, but I
didn’t feel the same connection as I would in an in-person
meeting or conversation. Emails were misunderstood, text
messages were misinterpreted, and social media posts were all
misconstrued; this occurred daily. I was exhausted, I became
cynical, and my productivity dropped. Social isolation and
digital-only communication were causing me to burn out.

I asked my doctors if there was a relationship between the

barriers created by digital communication and burnout. Their
answer was “we think so,” based on research done by the World
Health Organization (WHO). In fact, in May 2019, WHO
identified burnout, or chronic workplace stress, as an
occupational phenomenon,2 but my doctors didn’t have any
specific data beyond that. Well, I had data—data I’d been
collecting since 2013—and I had case studies that demonstrated
the value of clarity in leadership communication. You know, I
had always thought of communication as the cause of stress,
never as a cure for stress. So I began to ask the following: Could
clarity in digital communication cause a reduction in stress,
thereby reducing chronic stress or burnout? Could clarity be the
digital “chicken soup” for the soul?

I know now the answer is “yes.” If you can figure out what
people are trying to tell you, you won’t waste time trying to
clarify what is being communicated, and this allows you to get
more done in less time. If you get more done in less time, the
results are having time to yourself, feeling happier and less
stressed, and eventually making more money. Like chicken
soup, clarity just makes you feel better. By developing a
communication wellness program app, I turned around the
horrible effects my cancerous blood, concussion, and business
were having on me. My oncology team and occupational
therapists were so impressed with my sudden progress, they
started to conduct clinical trials on the app, helping chronic
cancer patients reduce their stress.

Before you say, “This sounds too good to be true” (such as my

mentor, John Barnett, told me), understand this is how all good
science works. Good science uses replication, solid data, and
historical patterns. I use all three in this book. You will read
about the history of the science backing the data, data which
was obtained over five years, starting in 2014, from over 27,000
people who participated in beta testing, verbally responded to
surveys, or took a course I designed and workshops I conducted.

All of this quantitative data resulted in a margin of error of 3

percent, a confidence level of 95 percent, and a response rate of
11 percent, which falls within the average response rate for an
external survey, defined as a survey sent to people you don’t
know. My qualitative data collection began in 2013 and resulted
in the coding and analysis of over 5,000 documents. I
triangulated this data with a meta study of over 225 academic
articles. But it doesn’t end there: I also presented my results to
other academics for peer review at meetings and conferences
throughout the US.

The system I have developed from this data helps you

communicate clearly so you can be understood and understand
others. Warren Buffett has stated that “if you can increase your
ability to clearly communicate you can double your net worth.”3
For the record, I have not doubled my net worth, but that is
more than likely because of my shoe addiction!
 WE’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE
Because I am a nerd, I know there is a historical link between
stress and changes in how we communicate. As an example, let
me use the Great Vowel Shift, which began in the mid-fifteenth
century and marked the transformation from Middle English to
Modern English. Its impact on education, society, and culture
was widespread. As the way words were pronounced changed,
communication suffered. These changes, just like the move to a
digital society with the introduction of the smartphone in 2007,
caused a lot of confusion in how people understood each other.
This vowel problem lasted for 300 years.4 Beginning in the mid-
fifteenth century, and just like today, the problem lies in our
brain: then, as now, people weren’t prepared to respond to the
communication shift, they had no prior experience, and in the
beginning they failed—that is how they learned. That’s where we
are now failing.

Today, we are in the midst of what I call the Great Digital Crisis,
when the message sent is not the message received. My data
tells me that we understand only 20 percent of what is
communicated through digital technology. We make best
guesses the other 80 percent of the time, what I call the
assumption rate—defined as how often we accept something
as certain without proof—which is causing us unheard-of levels
of stress.

WHY WE ARE WRONG 80 PERCENT OF THE

TIME
Prior to our 24-7 digital workplace, we all had a cognitive
superpower at work—we understood each other. We knew when
people were angry or disappointed because of how they acted
and the tone of their voice. In the 1970s, one group of
researchers proved that 80 percent of the time, you don’t even
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
oy mostrastes no soys hija del
fiero Marte, segun la hermosura lo
deueys ser de la deesa Venus, y
del hermoso Adonis, y si de
ninguno destos, no podeys
dexallo de ser de la discreta
Minerua, que tan gran discretion
no puede proceder de otra parte,
aunque lo mas cierto deue ser
aueros dado naturaleza lo
principal de todos ellos. E para
tan nueua y tan grande merced,
como es la que auemos recebido,
nueuos y grandes auian de ser
los seruicios con que deuia ser
satisfecha. Mas podria ser que
algun tiempo se osfresciesse
ocasion, en que se conosciesse la
voluntad que de seruir tan
señalada merced tenemos. E
porque paresce que estays
cansada, vamos a la fuente de los
alisos, que está junto al bosque, y
alli descansareys. Vamos señora
(dixo la pastora) que no tanto por
descansar del trabajo del cuerpo,
lo desseo, quanto por hablar en
otro, en que consiste el descanso
de mi anima y todo mi
contentamiento. Esse se os
procurará aqui con toda la
diligentia possible (dixo Polidora)
porque no aya a quien con mas
razon procurar se deua. Pues la
hermosa Cinthia se boluio a los
pastores, diziendo: Hermosa
pastora, y animosos pastores, la
deuda, y obligacion en que nos
aueys puesto, ya la veys, plega a
dios que algun tiempo la podamos
satisfazer, segun que es nuestro
desseo. Seluagia respondió: A
estos dos pastores, se deuen,
hermosas nimphas, essas
offertas, que yo no hize mas de
dessear la libertad, que tanta
razon era que todo el mundo
desseasse. Entonces (dixo
Polidora): ¿Es este el pastor
Sireno tan querido algun tiempo,
como aora oluidado de la
hermosa Diana: y esse otro su
competidor Syluano? Si (dixo
Seluagia). Mucho me huelgo (dixo
Polidora) que seays personas a
quien podamos en algo satisfazer
lo que por nosotras aueys hecho.
Dorida muy espantada dixo: ¿qué
cierto es éste Sireno? Muy
contenta estoy en hallarte, y en
auerme tú dado ocasion a que yo
busque a tu mal algun remedio,
que no será poco. Ni aun para
tanto mal bastaria siendo poco,
dixo Sireno. Aora vamos a la
fuente (dixo Polidora) que allá
hablaremos mas largo. Llegados
que fueron a la fuente lleuando
las nimphas en medio a la pastora
se assentaron entorno della; y los
pastores a peticion de las
nimphas se fueron a la aldea a
buscar de comer, porque era ya
tarde, y todos lo auian menester.
Pues quedando las tres nimphas
solas con la pastora, la hermosa
Dorida començó a hablar desta
manera.
Esforçada y hermosa pastora, es
cosa para nosotras tan estraña
ver una persona de tanto ualor y
suerte, en estos ualles y bosques
apartados del concurso de las
gentes, como para ti será uer tres
Nimphas solas, y sin compañia
que defendellas pueda de
semejantes fuerças. Pues para
que podamos saber de ti lo que
tanto desseamos, forçado será
merçello primero con dezir quien
somos: y para esto sabras,
esforçada pastora, que esta
Nimpha se llama Dorida, y aquella
Cinthia, y yo Polidora: viuimos en
la selua de Diana, adonde habita
la sabia Felicia, cuyo offiçio es dar
remedio a passiones
enamoradas: y veniendo nosotros
de visitar a una Nimpha su
parienta, que biue desta otra
parte de los puertos Galiçianos,
llegamos á este valle vmbroso y
ameno. E paresçiendonos el lugar
conueniente para passar la
calorosa siesta, a la sombra de
estos alisos y verdes lauros,
embidiosas de la harmonia que
este impetuoso arroyo por medio
del verde prado lleua, tomando
nuestros instrumentos, quisimos
imitada, e nuestra ventura, o por
mejor dezir, su desuentura, quiso
que estos saluages, que segun
ellos dezian, muchos dias ha que
de nuestros amores estauan
presos, vinieron a caso por aqui.
Y auiendo muchas vezes sido
importunadas de sus bestiales
razones, que nuestro amor les
otorgassemos, y viendo ellos que
por ninguna uia les dauamos
esperança de remedio, se
determinaron poner el negoçio a
las manos, y hallando nos aqui
solas, hizieron lo que vistes al
tiempo que con vuestro socorro
fuimos libres. La pastora que oyó
lo que la hermosa Dolida auia
dicho, las lagrimas dieron
testimonio de lo que su affligido
coraçon sentia, y boluiendose a
las Nimphas, les començo a
hablar desta manera:
No es amor de manera (hermosas
Nimphas de la casta diosa) que
pueda el que lo tiene tener
respecto a la razon, ni la razon es
parte para que un enamorado
coraçon dexe el camino por do
sus fieros destinos le guiaren. Y
que esto sea uerdad, en la mano
tenemos la experiençia, que
puesto caso que fuessedes
amadas destos saluages fieros, y
el derecho del buen amor no daua
lugar a que fuessedes dellos
offendidas, por otra parte, vino
aquella desorden con que sus
varios effectos haze, a dar tal
industria, que los mismos que os
auian de seruir, vos offendiessen.
E porque sepays que no me
muero solamente por lo que en
este valle os ha succedido, os
dire lo que no pense dezir, sino a
quien entregué mi libertad, si el
tiempo, o la fortuna dieren lugar a
que mis ojos le vean, y entonçes
vereys, cómo en la escuela de
mis desuenturas deprendi a
hablar en los malos successos de
amor, y en lo que este traydor
haze en los tristes coraçones que
subjectos le estan. Sabreys pues,
hermosas Nimphas, que mi
naturaleza es la gran Vandalia,
provincia no muy remota desta
adonde estamos, nascida en una
ciudad llamada Soldina: mi madre
se llamó Delia, y mi padre
Andronio, en linaje y bienes de
fortuna los más prinçipales de
toda aquella prouinçia. Acaescio
pues que como mi madre auiendo
muchos años que era casada, no
tuuiesse hijos (y a causa desto
biuiesse tan descontenta, que no
tuuiesse un dia de descanso) con
lagrimas y sospiros cada hora
importunaua el çielo, y haziendo
mil ofrendas y sacrifiçios,
suplicaua a Dios le diesse lo que
tanto desseaua, el qual fue
seruido, vistos sus continuos
ruegos y oraçiones, que siendo ya
passada la mayor parte de su
edad, se hiziesse preñada. El
alegria que dello reçibio juzguelo
quien despues de muy deseeada
una cosa, la uentura se la pone
en las manos. E no menos
partiçipó mi padre Andronio deste
contentamiento porque lo tuuo tan
grande, que seria impossible
podelle encarescer. Era Delia mi
señora affiçionada a leer historias
antiguas, en tanto estremo, que si
enfermedades, o negoçios de
grande importançia no se lo
estoruauan, jamas passaua el
tiempo en otra cosa. E acaescio
que estando, como digo, preñada,
y hallandose una noche mal
dispuesta, rogo a mi padre que le
leyesse alguna cosa, para que
occupando ella el pensamiento,
no sintiesse el mal que la
fatigaua. Mi padre que en otra
cosa no entendia, sino en dalle
todo el contentamiento possible,
le començo a leer aquella hystoria
de Paris, quando las tres
Deas[1242] se pusieron a juyzio
delante dél, sobre la mançana de
la discordia. Pues como mi madre
tuuiesse que Paris auia dado
aquella sentençia
apassionadamente, y no como
deuia, dixo que sin duda él no
auia mirado bien la razon de la
diosa de las batallas, porque
preçediendo las armas a todas las
otras qualidades, era justa cosa
que se le diesse. Mi señor
respondio que la mançana se
auia de dar a la más hermosa, y
que Venus lo era más que otra
ninguna, por lo qual Paris auia
sentençiado muy bien, si despues
no le succediera mal. A esto
respondio mi madre, que puesto
caso que en la mançana
estuuiesse escrito se diesse a la
más hermosa, que esta
hermosura no se entendia
corporal, sino del ánima: y que
pues la fortaleza era una de las
cosas que más hermosura le
dauan, y el exerçiçio de las armas
era un acto exterior desta virtud,
que a la diosa de las batallas le
deuia de dar la mançana, si Paris
juzgara como hombre prudente y
desapassionado. Assi que,
hermosas Nimphas, en esta porfia
estuuieron gran rato de la noche,
cada uno alegando las razones
más a su proposito que podia.
Estando en esto, uino el sueño a
uençer a quien las razones de su
marido no pudieron. De manera
que estando muy metida en su
disputa, se dexó dormir. Mi padre
entonçes se fue a su aposento, y
a mi señora le paresçio, estando
durmiendo, que la diosa Venus
venia a ella, con un rostro tan
ayrado, como hermoso, y le
dezia: Delia, no sé quien te ha
mouido ser tan contraria de quien
jamas lo ha sido tuya. Si memoria
tuuiesses del tiempo que del amor
de Andronio tu marido fuyste
presa, no me pagarias tan mal lo
mucho que me deues: pero no
quedarás sin galardon; yo te hago
saber que pariras vn hijo y vna
hija, cuyo parto no te costará
menos que la vida, y a ellos
costará el contentamiento lo que
en mi daño as hablado: porque te
çertifico que seran los más
desdichados en amores, que
hasta su tiempo se ayan uisto. E
dicho esto, desaparesçio, y luego
se le figuró a mi señora madre
que venia a ella la diosa Pallas, y
con rostro muy alegre le dezia:
Discreta y dichosa Delia, ¿con
qué te podré pagar lo que en mi
fauor contra la opinion de tu
marido esta noche has alegado,
sino con azerte saber, que pariras
vn hijo y vna hija los mas
venturosos en armas que hasta
su tiempo aya auido? Dicho esto
luego desaparescio, despertando
mi madre con el mayor sobresalto
del mundo: y de ay a un mes,
poco más o menos pario a mi, y a
otro hermano mio, y ella murio de
parto, y mi padre del grandissimo
pesar que vuo murio de ay a
pocos dias. E porque sepays
(hermosas Nimphas) el estremo
en que amor me ha puesto, sabed
que siendo yo muger de la
qualidad que aueys oydo, mi
desuentura me ha forçado que
dexe mi habito natural, y mi
libertad, y el debito que a mi
honrra deuo, por quien por
ventura pensará que la pierdo, en
ser de mí bien amado. Ved qué
cosa tan escusada para vna
muger ser dichosa en las armas,
como si para ellas se vuiessen
hecho. Deuia ser porque yo
(hermosas Nimphas) les pudiesse
hazer este pequeño seruiçio,
contra aquellos peruersos; que no
lo tengo en menos que si la
fortuna me començasse a
satisfazer algun agrauio de los
muchos que me ha hecho.
Tan espantadas quedaron las
Nimphas de lo que oyan, que no
le pudieron responder, ni
repreguntar cosas de las que la
hermosa pastora dezia. Y
prosiguiendo en su historia, les
dixo: Pues como mi hermano y yo
nos criassemos en un monasterio
de monjas, donde vna tia mia era
abadessa, hasta ser de edad de
doze años, y auiendolos
cumplidos, nos sacassen de alli:
A él lleuaron a la corte del
magnanimo y inuencible Rey de
los Lusitanos (cuya fama, y
increyble bondad tan esparzida
está por el vniuerso) a donde,
siendo en edad de tomar armas,
le succedieron por ellas cosas tan
auentajadas y de tan gran
esfuerço, como tristes y
desuenturadas por los amores. E
con todo esso fue mi hermano tan
amado de aquel inuictissimo Rey,
que nunca jamás le consintio salir
de su corte. La desdichada de mí,
que para mayores desuenturas
me guardauan mis hados,
fue [1243] lleuada en casa de vna
aguela mia (que no deuiera, pues
fue causa de biuir con tan gran
tristeza, qual nunca muger
padescio). Y porque (hermosas
Nimphas) no ay cosa que no me
sea forçado dezirosla, ansi por la
grand uirtud, de que vuestra
estremada hermosura da
testimonio, como porque el alma
me da que aueys de ser gran
parte de mi consuelo: sabed que
como yo estuuiesse en casa de
mi aguela, y fuesse ya de quasi
diezisiete años, se enamoró de mí
un cauallero que no biuia tan
lexos de nuestra posada que
desde un terrado que en la suya
auia no se viesse un jardin
adonde yo passaua lar tardes del
uerano. Pues como de alli el
desagradescido Felis uiesse a la
desdichada Felismena (que este
es el nombre de la triste que sus
desuenturas está contando) se
enamoró de mí, o se fingio
enamorado. No sé quál me crea,
pero sé que quien menos en este
estado creyere más acertará.
Muchos dias fueron los que Felis
gastó en darme a entender su
pena: y muchos más gasté yo en
no darme por hallada que él por
mi la padesciesse: y no sé cómo
el amor tardó tanto en hazerme
fuerça que le quisiesse; deuio
tardar, para despues uenir con
mayor impetu. Pues como yo por
señales, y por passeos, y por
musicas, y torneos, que delante
de mi puerta muchas uezes se
hazian, no mostrasse entender
que de mi amor estaua preso,
aunque desde el primero dia lo
entendi: determinó de escriuirme.
Y hablando con una criada mia, a
quien muchas uezes auia
hablado, y aun con muchas
dadiuas ganado la noluntad, le dio
una carta para mí. Pues uer las
saluas que Rosina (que assi la
llamauan) me hizo primero que
me la diesse, los juramentos que
me juró, las cautelosas palabras
que me dixo, porque no me
enojasse, cierto fue cosa de
espanto. E con todo esso se la
bolui arrojar a los ojos, diziendo:
Si no mirasse a quien soy, y lo
que se podria dezir, esse rostro
que tan poca uerguença tiene, yo
le haria señalar, de manera que
fuesse entre todos conoscido.
Mas porque es la primera uez,
basta lo hecho, y auisaros que os
guardeys de la segunda.
Paresceme que estoy aora viendo
(dezia la hermosa Felismena)
cómo aquella traydora de Rosina
supo callar, dissimulando lo que
de mi enojo sentio: porque la
vierades (o hermosas Nimphas)
fingir vna risa tan dissimulada,
diziendo: Iesus, señora, yo para
que ryessemos con ella la di a
nuestra merçed, que no para que
se enojasse dessa manera: Que
plega a Dios, si mi intençion ha
sido dalle enojo, que Dios me le
dé el mayor que hija de madre
aya tenido. Y a esto añadio otras
muchas palabras, como ella las
sabia dezir, para amansar el
enojo que yo de las suyas auia
reçebido: y tomando su carta, se
me quitó delante. Yo despues de
passado esso començe de
imaginar en lo que alli podria
uenir, y tras esto, paresce que el
amor me yua poniendo desseo de
ver la carta; pero tambien la
verguença estoruaua a tornalla a
pedir a mi criada, auiendo
passado con ella lo que os he
contado. Y assi passé aquel dia
hasta la noche en muchas
variedades de pensamientos. Y
quando Rosina entró a
desnudarme; al tiempo que me
queria acostar. Dios sabe, si yo
quisiera que me boluiera a
importunar, sobre que reçibiesse
la carta: mas nunca me quiso
hablar, ni por pensamiento en
ella. Yo por ver si saliendole al
camino, aprouecharia algo, le
dixe: ¿ansi, Rosina, que el señor
Felis sin mirar más, se atreue a
escreuirme? Ella muy secamente
me respondio: Señora, son cosas
que el amor trae consigo: suplico
a vuestra merçed me perdone,
que si yo pensara que en ello le
enojaua, antes me sacara los
ojos. Qual yo en entonçes quedé,
Dios lo sabe: pero con todo esso
dissimulé, y me dexó quedar
aquella noche con mi deseo, y
con la ocasion de no dormir. Y
assi fue, uerdaderamente ella fue
para mi la mas trabajosa y larga,
que hasta entonces auia passado.
Pues uiniendo el dia: y más tarde
de lo que yo quisiera, la discreta
Rosina entró a darme de uestir, y
se dexó adrede caer la carta en el
suelo. Y como la vi le dixe: ¿qué
es esto que cayó ay? Muestralo
aca. No es nada, señora, dixo
ella. Ora muestralo aca, dixe yo,
no me enojes o dime lo que es.
Iesus, señora, dixo ella, ¿para
qué lo quiere uer? la carta de ayer
es. No es por çierto, dixe yo,
muestrala acá por ver si mientes.
Aun yo no lo vue dicho, quando
ella me la puso en las manos,
diziendo: mal me haga Dios si es
otra cosa. Yo aunque la conoci
muy bien, dixe: en verdad que no
es esta, que yo la conozco, y de
algun tu enamorado deue ser: yo
quiero leella, por ver las
neçedades que te escriue;
abriendola vi que dezia desta
manera:
Señora: siempre imaginé que
vuestra discreçion me quitara el
miedo de escreuiros, entendiendo
sin carta lo que os quiero: mas
ella misma ha sabido tan bien
dissimular, que alli estuuo el
daño, donde pense que el
remedio estuuiesse. Si como
quien soys juzgays mi
atreuimiento, bien sé que no
tengo vna hora de vida: pero si lo
tomays segun lo que amor suele
hazer, no trocaré por ella mi
esperança. Suplicoos, señora, no
os enoje mi carta, ni me pongays
culpa por el escreuiros, hasta que
experimenteys si puedo dexar de
hazerlo. Y que me tengais en
possession de vuestro, pues todo
lo que puede ser de mí, está en
vuestras manos, las quales beso
mil bezes.
Pues como yo viesse la carta de
mi don Felis, o porque la leí en
tiempo que mostraua en ella
quererme más que a si, o porque
de parte de esta ánima cansada
auia disposiçion para imprimirse
en ella el amor de quien me
escreuia: yo començe a querelle
bien, y por mi mal yo lo començe,
pues auia de ser causa de tanta
desuentura. E luego pidiendo
perdon a Rosina de lo que antes
auia passado, como quien
menester la auia para lo de
adelante: y encomendandole el
secreto de mis amores, bolui otra
vez a leer la carta, parando a
cada palabra un poco, y bien
poco deuio de ser, pues yo tan
presto me determiné, aunque ya
no estaua en mi mano, el no
determinarme: y tomando papel y
tinta, le respondi desta manera.
No tengas en tan poco, don Felis,
mi honra que con palabras
fingidas pienses perjudicalla. Bien
sé quien eres y vales, y aun creo
que desto te aurá nascido el
atreuerte, y no de la fuerça que
dizes que el amor te ha hecho. E
si es ansi como me afirma mi
sospecha, tan en vano es su
trabajo, como tu valor y suerte, si
piensas hazerme yr contra lo que
a la mia deuo. Suplicote que
mires quán pocas uezes
succeden bien las cosas que
debaxo de cautela se comiençan,
y que no es de cauallero
entendellas de una manera, y
dezillas de otra. Dizesme que te
tengo en possession de cosa mia.
Soy tan mal condiçionada que
aun de la esperiençia de las
cosas no me fio quanto más de
tus palabras. Mas con todo esto
tengo en mucho lo que en la tuya
me dizes, que bien me basta ser
desconfiada, sin ser tambien
desagradescida.
Esta carta le embié que no
deuiera, pues fue occasion de
todo mi mal, porque luego
començo a cobrar osadia para me
declarar más sus pensamientos, y
a tener ocasion para me pedir que
le hablasse: en fin (hermosas
Nimphas) que algunos dias se
gastaron en demandas, y en
respuestas, en los quales el falso
amor hazia en mí su
acostumbrado offiçio: pues cada
hora tomaua más possession
desta desdichada. Los torneos se
tornaron[1244] a renouar, las
musicas de noche jamas
cessauan, las cartas, los amores
nunca dexauan de yr de una parte
a otra, y ansi passó casi un año:
al cabo del qual, yo me vi tan
presa de sus amores, que no fui
parte para dexar de manifestalle
mi pensamiento, cosa que él
desseaua mas que a su propia
uida. Quiso pues mi desuentura,
que al tiempo en que nuestros
amores más ençendidos
andauan, su padre lo supiesse, y
quien se lo dixo se lo supo
encarescer de manera, que
temiendo no se casasse conmigo,
lo embió a la corte de la gran
princessa Augusta Cesarina,
diziendo que no era justo que un
cauallero moço y de linage tan
prinçipal, gastasse la moçedad en
casa de su padre, donde no se
podian aprender sino los viçios de
que la ociosidad es maestra. El se
partio tan triste, que su mucha
tristeza le estoruó auisarme de su
partida, yo quedé tal quando lo
supe, qual puede imaginar quien
algun tiempo se vio tan presa de
amor, como yo por mi desdicha lo
estoy. Dezir yo aora la vida que
passaua en su ausencia, la
tristeza, los sospiros, las lagrimas,
que por estos cansados ojos cada
dia derramaua no sé si podré: que
pena es la mia, que aun dezir no
se puede, ved cómo podra
suffrirse: Pues estando yo en
medio de mi desuentura, y de las
ansias que la ausencia de don
Felis me hazia sentir,
paresciendome que mi mal era
sin remedio, y que despues que
en la corte se viesse, a causa de
otras damas de más hermosura, y
qualidad, tambien de la ausençia
que es capital enemiga del amor,
yo auia de ser oluidada:
determiné auenturarme a hazer lo
que nunca muger penso. Y fue
vestirme en habito de hombre, y
yrme a la corte, por ver aquel en
cuya vista estaua toda mi
esperança, y como lo pense, ansi
lo puse por obra, no dandome el
amor lugar a que mirasse lo que a
mí propria deuia. Para lo qual no
me faltó industria, porque con
ayuda de vna grandissima amiga
mia y thesorera de mis secretos
que me compró los vestidos que
yo le mandé, y un cauallo en que
me fuesse, me parti de mi tierra, y
aun de mi reputacion (pues no
puedo creer que jamas pueda
cobralla) assi me fue derecha a la
corte, passando por el camino
cosas que si el tiempo me diera
lugar para contallas, no fueran
poco gustosas de oyr. Veynte dias
tardé en llegar, en cabo de los
quales llegando donde desseaua,
me fuy a posar vna casa la más
apartada de conuersaçion que yo
pude. Y el grande desseo que
lleuaua de ver aquel destruydor
de mi alegria, no me dexaua
imaginar en otra cosa, sino en
cómo, o de dónde podia velle.
Preguntar por él a mi huesped no
osaua, porque quiça no se
descubriesse mi venida. Ni
tampoco me parescia bien yr yo a
buscalle: porque no me
succediesse alguna desdicha, a
causa de ser conoscida. En esta
confusion passé todo aquel dia
hasta la noche, la qual cada hora
se me hazia un año. Y siendo
poco más de media noche, el
huesped llamó a la puerta de mi
aposento, y me dixo que si queria
gozar de una musica que en la
calle se daua, que me leuantasse
de presto, y abriesse una
ventana. Lo que yo hize luego, y
parandome en ella, oí en la calle
vn page de don Felis, que se
llamaua Fabio (el qual luego en la
habla conosçi) cómo dezia a otros
que con el yuan: Ahora, señores,
es tiempo, que la dama está en el
corredor sobre la huerta tomando
el frescor de la noche. E no lo vuo
dicho, quando començaron a
tocar tres cornetas y un
sacabuche, con tan gran
concierto, que parescia una
musica celestial. E luego
començo una boz cantando a mi
parescer lo mejor que nadie
podria pensar. E aunque estuue
suspensa en oyr a Fabio, en
aquel tiempo ocurrieron muchas
imaginaciones, todas contrarias a
mi descanso, no dexé de aduertir
a lo que se cantaua, porque no lo
hazian de manera que cosa
alguna impidiesse el gusto que de
oyllo se reçebia, y lo que se cantó
primero, fue este romance:

Oydme, señora mia,

si acaso os duele mi mal,
y aunque no os duela el oylle,
 no me dexeys de escuchar;
dadme este breue descanso
porque me fuerçe a penar:
¿no os doleys de mis sospiros,
ni os enternesce el llorar,
ni cosa mia os da pena
ni la pensays remedyar?
¿Hasta quando mi señora,
tanto mal ha de durar?
no está el remedio en la
muerte,
sino en vuestra voluntad,
que los males que ella cura,
ligeros son de passar:
no os fatigan mis fatigas
ni os esperan fatigar:
de uoluntad tan essenta
¿qué medio se ha de esperar
y esse coraçon de piedra
cómo lo podré ablandar?
Bolued, señora, estos ojos
que en el mundo no ay su par.
Mas no los boluays ayrados
si no me quereys matar,
aunque de una y de otra
suerte
matays con solo mirar.

Despues que con el primero

concierto de musica vuieron
cantado este romance, oí tañer
vna dulçayna, y vna harpa, y la
boz del mi don Felis. El contento
que me dio el oylle, no ay quién lo
pueda imaginar: porque se me
figuró que lo estaua oyendo en
aquel dichoso tiempo de nuestros