Hiram Reyes

3/6/2024
Peer Review Essay (content) – Vincent

1. Is the essay in MLA format? If not, what suggestions can you make to the author to get it to
MLA format?
- This Essay is not entirely in MLA format, Things you forgot to do were include the page
numbers with your last name along with the date in your header (day – month- year)
2. Does the essay include a controlling idea that is not obvious to everyone? In other words,
does it reveal something not everyone would know about the meaning of the image? Does
the author make a claim that includes an interpretation of this visual text? What is it? What
suggestion do you have for the writer in order to strengthen the claim? Highlight the
controlling idea and tell the author if it reveals new information to you or not.
- I do believe you have a controlling idea in your introduction that gives information about
diving to your audience. The controlling idea is the warning sign communicating a message
of death and danger to divers through various analyses. I believe the claim is that the
warning sign goes beyond a simple cautionary message. No suggestions. “The prevailing
message…point no return”. It reveals new information
3. Where can the author develop more of an analysis or more fully develop the idea? In other
words, does the author present a definition of the image or summary, or is the author
explaining to readers their analysis of the image? Indicate in the text where the author is
summarizing and where the author is analyzing.
- The author does a good job analyzing the sign for diving; however, there are places where
you could analyze more. The author presents an analysis of the image. A place where you
summarize is “below these warnings…claimed in this cave and similar ones”. A place you
analyze is “The Grim Reaper is not only a symbol of death but takes it a step further as a
bringer of death to any and all.
4. Has the author chosen one (and only one) image to analyze? Does the author indicate the
image in the introduction? Does the author include the image in the introduction?
- Yes, the author has chosen one and only one image to analyze. The author also indicates and
includes the image in the introduction
5. Does the author use elements from the image as evidence to support the claim in every
paragraph? If not indicate in each paragraph where the author should include more evidence.
- The author uses many elements as supporting evidence but not constantly, for example when
talking about the visibility in dark waters, the author could be more specific with examples
from the image about the choices of the signs designed to directly connect the design
elements with the claim of enhancing vision.
6. Does the essay maintain a cohesive focus around the controlling idea? Mark any tangents
that you find in the essay
- The author does maintain a cohesive focus
7. Is the tone and language appropriate for your English 1301 class? If not, suggest to the
author what changes they might make
- Your language is appropriate for this class. You convey formality, analytical, and focus on
conveying information well
8. Does the conclusion answer the three questions (Did I do what I said I would do?; Why is
this important?; and What do I want my audience to do with this information?)
- Although your last paragraph ends with “in conclusion” I feel as if your essay doesn’t have a
distinct conclusion. Your last two paragraphs almost seem like they could be a closer to your
essay.
9. . Indicate in the text where the author needs more details
- I believe your essay could use more attention and details in your transitions and the
conclusion of your last two paragraphs. Everything else is well-addressed
10. Indicate in the text where the author needs more evidence
- You give a good amount of evidence, a noticeable area where you could use more evidence is
where you talk about the importance of proper cave diving training and proper cave
diving equipment
11. Indicate in the text three places where the author deserves praise for this essay.
- Three places you deserve praise: all your examinations of the sing, your discussion of black
text against a white background…, addressing the psychological impact of imagery on
individuals with different levels of experience.
12. Indicate in the text three places that the author should fix before submitting the essay
- Enhance the typography of the sign go into more detail and use more evidence for critical
messages like “STOP”,
- provide more evidence for or where the placement of the sign.
- Incorporate more examples of information text to provide more evidence about how facts and
warnings contribute to your claim
 Peer Review Essay (editing) – Vincent
1. How is the essay organized? Does each paragraph contain one and only one main idea that
connects to the controlling idea for the essay? Does this organization help move the ideas
forward? Tell the author if the organization works or offer organization ideas.
- The author has good organization, and each paragraph does contain one main idea that
contributes to the controlling idea and effectively moves the ideas forward.
2. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her points?
- The author can use more detail of the motives for diving, and psychological aspects to further
their points
3. Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them in the
text. If you know the rule, then go ahead and offer advice to the author. If you do not know
the rule, then simply mention that something seems off.
- It appears that the author did not include fragments, comma splices, or run-ons. The writing
contains maintained proper sentences.
4. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Does the author
provide a sufficient amount of evidence from the image? Indicate these places in the text
where the author gives details and where the author needs to add more.
- The author provides a detailed analysis and description of the warning sign for his analysis
and image, but some areas can use additional details. As previously mentioned the visibility
in dark waters gives good details but can use more specific details on how the choices
interact with underwater environments.
5. Are the style and tone of the essay appropriate for the audience?
- Yes the author's style and tone of the essay are appropriate for the audience.
6. Are the sentences and word choices varied? Does the author use strong active verbs and
solid descriptive nouns? Indicate where the author could strengthen the verbs and nouns
- The sentences and word choices have a good amount of variety as well as a mix of sentence
structures. A good place to improve is “the wording on the sign consists of black text
presented in a clear and legible font”
7. Is the author too repetitive or presents too much information? In other words, does the
essay overwhelm you as a reader because there is too much information or underwhelm you
because there is too little information? Indicate in the text where the author needs less or
more information.
- The author is not repetitive and has a great balance in providing information without
overwhelming the audience.
8. Is the essay confusing because information has been omitted and/or too much information is
assumed to be known by the readers?
- I believe that the essay is not confusing and is okay with information either being omitted or
having too much information.
9. Is the essay in the correct MLA format?
- This Essay is not entirely in MLA format, Things you forgot to do were include the page
numbers with your last name along with the date in your header (day – month- year)
10. Indicate in the text the author's strengths and weaknesses.
- Strengths: Analysis, clear controlling ideas, organization of structure. Weaknesses: Specific
examples, Limited exploration of influences, and the opportunity for deeper analysis.
11. What are two or three revision suggestions you have for the writer
- Go deeper into the analysis of psychological aspects, and explore influences more deeply