Parenting With Style

Mara J. Briere
Debbie Weinstock-Savoy

02/01/22 1
What’s Your Style?
 In this series, we invite you to pick up
some new tools for effectively relating
with your loved one.
 You will learn a language to
communicate more effectively with
others.
 Anyone familiar with the Myers-Briggs
Personality Indicator?

02/01/22 2
A Unique Window on
Parenting Style
 Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is the World's
most widely used personality inventory for 40+
years
 Used in career counseling, management,
education,marital counseling, etc.
 Developed in 1940's by mother-daughter team,
Kathryn Briggs & Isabel Myers
 Based on theories of psychologist Carl Jung
 Identifies preferences in how we experience &
interact with the world (from birth, like right- and
left-handedness)

02/01/22 3
Parenting Style
 Family Situation

 Child Personality and Temperament

 Parent Personality and Temperament

02/01/22 4
Parenting Factors to Ponder
Parent Style: Unique and Develops over time

Parenting with our style: More confident

More effective

Appreciate each style: Each style helps

children grow. We develop "less preferred"
abilities as we mature

Our Upbringing

02/01/22 5
Other factors to ponder:

Interaction between parent & child styles: What

pushes your buttons?

Which of child's needs can you meet directly?

Which needs can you meet indirectly, through

experience with other people & situations?

02/01/22 6
The Four Dimensions: Keys to the
Language

What energizes you?

Extraversion: Focus on the outer world
Introversion: Focus on inner life

How do you prefer to gather information?

Sensing: Emphasize tangible
Intuiting: Emphasize potential

How do you prefer to make decisions?

Thinking: Idea-centered values
Feeling: Person-centered values

What’s your preferred life-style orientation?

Judging: Prefer structure
Perceiving: Go with the flow

02/01/22 7
What’s Your Style?
Where do you prefer to get your energy
& focus your attention?

I……………….…….*……….
…………….E
Introvert
Extravert
focus on inner world focus on outer world

02/01/22 8
Energy Flow

Extravert (E) Introvert (I)

% of 50% 50%
Population
Character-
istics
 Active; think “out loud”  Reflective
 Outward  Inward
 Breadth of interest  Depth of interest
 Sociable  Reserved
 Expressive  Quiet
 Many  Few
 People  Privacy
 Live it, then understand it  Understand it, then live it

Extraverts focus energy outward

02/01/22 Introverts focus energy inward 9
Introverts prefer
 think before speaking
 wait & watch before getting involved
 thoughtful, private, reserved
 concentrate on 1 person/activity at a time
 prefer depth: life's specialists
 energized by introspection

Child: Reflective, introspective. Enjoys time alone,

1-to-1.

Adult gifts: Encourage autonomy and engage the inner

life.

02/01/22 10
Extraverts prefer
 Think out loud
 Jump into new activities
 Expressive, open, enthusiastic
 Like variety:" the more the merrier“
 Prefer breadth:
 Life's generalists
 Energized by interaction

Child: Engaging, sociable. Thinks "out loud," enjoys

activity.

Adult gifts: Help child with people and activities

02/01/22 11
What’s Your Style?
Which perceiving process do you prefer?

S……………….…..….*……..……….………….N
Sensor Intuitive

Physical senses See patterns

Here & now Make connections
Details “Big picture"

02/01/22 12
Perceiving Process of Gathering Information

Sensor (S) Intuitive (N)

% of Population ~75% ~25%
Characteristics  Details  Patterns
 Present tense  Future tense
 Practical  Imaginative
 Perspiration  Inspiration
Sensing individuals  Actual  Possible
take in information  Down-to-earth  Head-in-clouds
with their 5 senses  Sequential; one step at  Random
a time  Innovation
Intuitives evaluate  Fact  Anticipation
information from an
 Enjoyment  Change
overall “6th” sense
 Conserve

02/01/22 13
Sensors prefer
 Realistic & practical
 Notice details & remember facts
 See what is & the present
 Trust past experience: prefer the familiar
 Like examples & models to follow
 Want clear, step-by-step directions
 Work at a steady pace
 Accept things as they are
 Prefer realistic toys & real-life activities
 Enjoy games with established rules

Child: Hands-on, literal. Works one step at a time.

Adult gifts: Attend to physical care & teach common sense.

02/01/22 14
Intuitives prefer
 Imaginative & creative
 Notice anything new or different
 See possibilities & the future
 Trust creativity: prefer novelty
 Like new ways of solving problems
 Make assumptions based on hunches
 Work with bursts of energy
 Interested in how things could be
 Prefer open-ended activities & toys
 Enjoy make-believe play

Child: Dreamy, enthusiastic. Works in bursts of creative

energy.

Adult gifts: Encourage imagination & innovation.

02/01/22 15
What’s Your Style?
Which judgment process do you
prefer?

T……………….…….*…………….……….F
Thinker
Feeler

Objective Subjective
Logical People-centered

02/01/22 16
Judgment Process of Decision Making

Judgment Thinkers (T) Feelers (F)

Process

Gender Bias M 60% F 40% M 40% F 60%

Characteristics  Objective  Subjective
All humans use both  Principles  Values
judgment processes,  Justice  Harmony
thinking and feeling,  Head  Heart
when making  Cool  Caring
decisions. Thinkers  Impersonal  Personal
give more credence to  Critique  Appreciate
logic & facts, and
 Analyze  Empathize
feelers give more
credence to subjective
 Precise  Persuasive
values & relationships. 17
02/01/22
Thinkers prefer
 Most convinced by logic
 Objective & analytical
 Want justice & fairness
 Speak directly, honestly, clearly
 Praise independence & achievements
 Place high value on competence
 Hold self & others to consistent standards

Child: Curious, independent-minded. Objective

standards.

Adult gifts: Fair, calm, & reasonable.

02/01/22 18
Feelers prefer
 Most convinced by that which is seen as best for people
 Sensitive & empathic
 Want harmony & affection
 Speak warmly, tactfully, diplomatically
 Praise cooperation & personal contributions
 Place high value on relationships
 Consider extenuating circumstances, exceptions to the
rule

Child: Empathic, emotional. Cares what others think &

feel.

Adult gifts: Sympathetic, nurturing harmony &

connection.

02/01/22 19
What’s Your Style?
How do you prefer to approach the world
around you?

J………………..*………….……….P
Judgers Perceivers
Planning Spontaneous
Control
Responsive
Structure Adaptable

02/01/22 20
Orientation to Outer World

Judgers (J) Perceivers (P)

Values judgment Values perception
% of Population 55% 45%
Characteristics  Organized  Flexible
 Structure  Flow
 Control  Experience
Judgers are NO  Decisive  Curious
MORE judgmental
 Deliberate  Spontaneous
than Perceivers!
Stop judging that it’s
 Closure  Openness
BAD to be a  Plan  Wait
JUDGER.  Deadlines  Discoveries
 Productive  Receptive
02/01/22 21
Judger preference
 Prefer order & structure
 Value closure: make decisions quickly, easily
 Find comfort in rules
 Like to make a plan & implement it
 Decisive:
 State opinions frankly
 Finishing projects is important
 Productive & responsible
Child: Reliable & responsible. Prefers the familiar &
likes order.

Adult gifts: Provide security & stability.

02/01/22 22
Perceiver preference
 Prefer to "go with the flow“
 Make decisions quickly, easily
 Value new info: postpone decisions
 Find rules & plans limiting
 Like to adapt & respond to changes
 Curious: ask lots of questions
 Trying new projects is important
 Playful & impulsive

Child: Playful & adaptable. Prefers novelty & free

time.

Adult gifts: Nurture joy & flexibility

02/01/22 23
What is the difference between,
“type,” and “temperament?”
 Type refers to mental patterns, or cognitive
processes as determined through the
Myers Briggs Type Indicator®, a valid and
reliable instrument developed by Isabel
Briggs Myers and Katherine Myers to take
Carl Jung’s theory of type and give it
practical application.
 Temperament refers to behavioral
patterns.

02/01/22 24
How does temperament influence
our families?”
Understanding the different temperaments
enables us to identify and meet the
needs of our families more effectively.

02/01/22 25
 Artisans, Improvisers SP

02/01/22 26
Artisans, Improvisers, SP, prefer

 Fun-loving
 physical movement and activity
 Hands-on and direct experiences
 Test limits
 VERY impulsive
 VERY literal
 Rules are guidelines, not absolutes
 Easily bored
 Strong need for control over Self

Child: Experimental; daring; playful; “what you see is what you get!”

Parent Gifts: “One day at a time” style of parenting; encourage child’s experiments;
Play first, work later!
 

02/01/22 27
 Guardians, Stabilizers, SJ

02/01/22 28
 Guardians, Stabilizers, SJ prefer…
 Conscientious, responsible
 Thrive on routine; routines provide security
 Need approval
 Cautious and wary of change
 Follow rules
 Clearly defined roles
 “Good little boys and girls”

Child: Like to know what is expected and to do it; sober; appreciate

rules, roles.

Parent Gifts: Create stability through real world follow through; attends
to details; Practical; Expect respect and obedience from children

02/01/22 29
 Idealists, Catalysts, NF

02/01/22 30
Idealists, Catalysts, NF prefer

 Imaginative
 BIG Picture thinkers
 Original
 Emotionally supportive
 Daily details exhaust
 Empathic
 Playful

Child: Playful, passionate, non-conforming; seek harmony; people

people.

Parent Gifts: Relaxed family relationships; supportive;

understanding.

02/01/22 31
 Rationalists, Theorists, NT

02/01/22 32
Rationalists, Theorists, NT, prefer…
 Self-contained
 Autonomous
 Prize cognitive development
 Trust in reason, deliberation
 Efficient
 Sees the BIG picture
 NEED to know the “why” and the “how”.

Child: Curious; inventive; imaginative; experiment with ideas,

strategies.

Parent Gifts: Non-directive re children’s development; Provides

opportunities for children to “stretch themselves” according to child’s
interests

02/01/22 33
 Artisans, Improvisers, SP

02/01/22 34
 Strengths
 Energy level
 Joie-de-vivre
 Zest of life, excitement, drive
 Happy-go-lucky
 Expressive
 Physical grace, athletic
 Always seem to know “where” they are
 Explorers
 Physically affectionate
 Capacity to improvise

02/01/22 35
 Challenges

 Seems as though they don’t hear verbal limits

 Button pushers
 Draining due to high energy level
 Needs more supervision due to safety issues
 Very physical, hands-on
 “Tallest” piece of equipment attracts
 Impulsive
 Rough
 Routines don’t work
 Dislikes structure

02/01/22 36
 Hands-On Strategies
 Child-proofing
 Learning from child
 Avoid words; understand that these kids learn through touch
 CHOICES! Share control!
 More activity, less language; clear and short instructions
 Humor
 Say “no” by saying “yes” to something else
 Rhyming and songs
 Physical gestures,
 Physical activities
 Unstructured time
 Make tasks into games
 Advocating with schools; Vocational/alternative programs
 Enlisting other people
 Encourage messy projects

02/01/22 37
 Guardians, Stabilizers, SJ

02/01/22 38
 Strengths
 Team player
 Task oriented
 Follow directions
 Thrive in structure
 Real helper
 Remember details
 Do well in school (in early years)
 Organized
 Dependable, predictable
 Manage time well
 Conscientious

02/01/22 39
 Challenges
 Do not deal well with unstructured time
 Very literal
 Not as creative; follows models
 Conformists
 Too helpful – could get into trouble
 What if there aren’t rules?
 Sense of humor?
 Change
 Adaptability

02/01/22 40
 Hands-On Strategies
 Role playing & practice
 Give leadership opportunities
 Concrete recognition ex. Stickers
 Advance preparations & “warnings” help
 Ask for their help
 Break things down
 A step at a time
 Describe situations in concrete terms

02/01/22 41
 Idealists, Catalysts, NF

02/01/22 42
 Strengths
 Imaginative
 Creative
 Visual
 Connected
 Concerned
 Thoughtful
 Good at entertaining themselves
 Empathetic
 Think outside the box
 Capacity to brainstorm

02/01/22 43
 Challenges
 Standardized tests
 Back to the real world
 Practice
 Needs to be motivated - - how?
 Implementation
 How things/people could be
 Dramatic, intense
 VERY sensitive
 Tend to AVOID confrontation
 Frustration

02/01/22 44
 Hands-On Strategies
 Open-ended projects
 Sit with them until they are comfortable
 Like company
 Pull back
 Stop-start
 “Pretend”
 Make a story
 Consequences for actions and their impact
upon others
 Relationship language
 Choices
02/01/22 45
 Rationalists, Theorists, NT

02/01/22 46
 Strengths
 Independent
 Not impulsive
 Prone to dismiss “peer pressure”
 Innovative
 Observant
 Makes connections
 Leaders
 Diverse interests
 Language ability
 Explorers
 Curious
 Persistent

02/01/22 47
 Challenges
 Group activities
 Independence
 No sense of personal limits
 Won’t ask for help
 Easily frustrated
 Keeping them occupied with age appropriate activities
 Stubborn
 Impatient with people who are not as quick-minded
 Accidentally hurt other people’s feelings

02/01/22 48
 Hands-On Strategies
 Open-ended toys
 Lots of adult/older child interaction
 Reasonable explanations
 Giving leeway, choices, independent opportunities
 Padded schedule/flex time
 Picking your fights
 Engage problem-solving skills

02/01/22 49
Note your observations!

 Taking a long look at how your children

play and learn, develop an ongoing
conversation to ascertain who they are
and why they do what they do.

 Behavior masks motivation.

02/01/22 50
Note your observations!

 Teach your children this language.

 Advocate.

 Enjoy!

02/01/22 51
 Resources

 Baron, Renee, What Type Am I? ©1998,

Penguin Books, NY; The Four
Temperaments, ©2004, St. Martins Griffin
 Berens, Linda V. Understanding
Yourself & Others: an Introduction to
Temperament 3.0, ©2006, Telos, Pubs.
 Keirsey,David,Please Understand Me II,
©1998,PrometheusNemesis Books Co.
 Kroeger, Otto, & Janet M. Thuesen, Type
Talk: The Sixteen Personality Types that
Determine How We Live, Love, and Work,
@1988, Bantam Doubleday Dell, NY
02/01/22 52
 Resources

 Montgomery, Stephen, Ph.D., People Patterns: A Modern Guide

to the Four Temperaments, ©2002, Archer Publications
 Myers, Isabel Briggs with Peter B. Myers, Gifts Differing, ©1995,
Davies-Black Publishing, Palo Alto California
 Penley, Janet and Diane W. Stephens, The M.O.M.S
Handbook, Second Edition©1998, by Penley and Associates,
Inc.; MotherStyles – Using Personality Type to Discover Your
Parenting Strengths, ©2006, LifeLong Books
 Stoop, Dr. David, Understanding Your Child’s Personality,
©1998, Tyndale House Pubs. Inc.
 Tieger, Paul D., and Barbara Barron-Tieger, Just Your Type,
©2000, Little, Brown, & Co., Boston; The Art of Speedreading
People, @1999, Little, Brown, & Co., Boston; Nurture by
Nature, @1997, Little, Brown & Co., Boston.
 www.momsconnection.com www.typecan.com
www.16types.com www.keirsey.com

02/01/22 53