Attraction & Intimacy:

Liking & Loving Others

 Motivation
 Need to belong: motivation to bond with
others in relationships that provide
ongoing, positive interactions.
 Humans are by nature social beings
– Spend time, money, & resources to connect
with other people
 Interpersonal Attraction
 Our attitudes about other people, ranging
from like to dislike.
 Attraction hinges on emotions or feelings
– Intensity: weakness or strength of the
emotion
– Direction: whether the emotion is positive or
negative
 Friendships: The Beginning
 Proximity:nearness or functional
distance of others
– Guided by frequency of crossing paths
– Availability of others
– Anticipating liking or expecting that someone
will be pleasant & compatible
– Mere exposure
 Physical Attractiveness
 Appearance does matter
– Predicts how frequently how often women date, more
so then men.
 Matching phenomenon: choose partners
who are a “good match” in attractiveness
 Physical-attractiveness stereotype
 Who is attractive?
 Relationships
 Similarity vs. complementarity
– Likeness begets liking
– Completing what is missing in the other
 Liking those who like us
– Attribution & ingratiation (flattery to serve
self)
– Self-esteem & attraction: “on the rebound”
– Gaining another’s esteem
Reward Theory of Attraction
 We like those whose behavior is rewarding to us or
whom we associate with rewarding events.
– Liking because of how you feel around the other person.
– Liking by association: individuals remind us of someone.
 Explanations of research
– Proximity-Closer makes gaining rewards of interaction
less costly in effort
– Attractiveness- Other desirable traits assumed and
benefit by association with them
– Similarity – Validates our self concept and we feel
mutuality
– Mutuality – Being liked and loved is rewarding
Maintaining Close Relationships
 Equity: outcomes people receive from a
relationship are proportional to what they
contribute to it.
– Equitable relationships are more content &
satisfied.
– Reality of contribution vs. Perceived
contribution
Maintaining Close Relationships
 Self-disclosure: revealing intimate
aspects of oneself to others.
 When do we disclose?
– When distressed
– Securely attached
– Reciprocated by another
– To skilled “openers” who listen
 Ending Relationships
 Usually when comparing unsatisfying
relationships to imagined relationships.
– Individuals remain married when both
partners do not attend to alternative partners.
 Who divorces?
– Individualists who expect more passion &
personal fulfillment in a marriage
 Ending Relationships
 Risk of divorce depends on who married
whom:
– Married before age 20
– Grew up in unstable homes
– Dated for a short time
– Poorly educated or dissimilar education levels
– Unstable income
– Cohabitated before marriage
 Ending Relationships
 Detachment process
– Constructive
 Loyalty (Passive): await improvement
 Voice: seek to improve relationship
– Destructive
 Neglect (Passive): ignore the partner
 Exit: end the relationship
 Love: What is love?
 Passionate Love: state of intense
longing for union with another
– Absorbed in one another
– Feel ecstatic at attaining partner’s love
– Disconsolate on losing it
 Theory of Passionate Love: based on
arousal & how we interpret arousal
 Love: What is love?
 Companionate Love: affection we feel
for those with whom our lives are deeply
intertwined.
– Lower key than passionate love
– Based on deep, affectionate attraction
– Great deal in common
– Care about one another’s well-being
– Mutual liking & respect
 Love: What is love?
 Triangular Model of Love: each love
relationship contains three basic
components, present in varying degrees
for different couples.
 Intimacy, passion, & commitment
 Developed by Sternberg
 Love: Triangular Model
 Intimacy: closeness two people feel &
the strength of the bond holding them
together.
 Passion: based on romance, physical
attraction & sexual intimacy.
 Commitment: cognitive factors,
committed to maintaining the relationship.
Theory of Love