COMMUNICATION SKILLS IN MENTORING

DIFFICULTIES AND WAYS TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION

Prof. Amalia Istrate

National College Alexandru Lahovari, Râmnicu-Vâlcea

Motto:
The style is the man himself. (Buffon)

It is well known that communication is the most common activity exercised by man; it is
a way in which any individual expresses ideas, feelings and knowledge and personal experiences
of life. Individuals naturally communicate with others and communicate themselves, because
when we realize the smallest gesture or manifestation of personal ideas, we voluntarily or
involuntarily send messages about our state of mind, attitudes approval, disapproval or
disagreement sympathy.

Equally, any act of communication aims not only to inform the listener, but also his or
her transformation, so as to induce him or her to accept the information that we send as it
belongs to the trainee. In other words, every act of communication aims at the re-training, re-
organization of the listener mentality.

Communication is done both verbally and nonverbally and also through intonation, words
order, accent etc., and sometimes all these forms of communication are used in conjunction by
the speaker. More than any other speaker, the mentor teacher must know the importance and
consequences of the act of communication and find those effective ways in order to achieve a
solid and healthy connection with the mentor.

Effective communication is not just about expressing some ideas, some statements. To
communicate means, to a large extent, to listen and to accept the point of views of the speaker.
 When we establish a relationship with the person whom we train, it is more than
necessary to create a comfortable environment for communication and to ensure a climate of
reciprocity in exchanging ideas. This can be achieved if, first of all, it is well understood what
our role is as mentor teachers: our mission is not to impose on others what we believe or we
know, but to convince, educate and train the mentee. Thus, the teacher mentor will be able to
directly control where this is going and will determine what information must be submitted, as
they have delivered and when. There is often a risk, especially at the beginning of the training
period, that the mentor, being very enthusiastic and excited about his or her mission, to
“suffocate” the mentee under a waterfall of information. The effect is harmful and dangerous and
may result in a reaction of inhibition from the mentee, because the trainee has no ability to
discern what is valuable and what is not in the flow of knowledge thrown over him.

Equally problematic is the situation in which the mentor in order to break the ice will
reveal some personal information about themselves on similar experiences he or she went
through when he was in the position of the mentee. Theoretically, the trainees will share in
return, from his or her personal experience, all as a gesture of reciprocity, but there is also a risk
that this kind of confessions to exceed a certain level of familiarity and deforming the start type
of relationship that the mentor and the mentee would should have. We must not confuse
openness, honesty and professionalism with a much too familiar behaviour. Moreover, the
situation may arise in which the mentor excessive affability put the trainee in a mental or
emotional distress, the mentee showing some bottlenecks.

The purpose of this kind of friendly behavior is to relax the atmosphere and create from
the beginning pleasant work relationship. To encourage the development of trust in a mentoring
relationship is necessary that the act of communication to be made in a positive and clear
manner. Tolerance and acceptance of different views is another fundamental factor. Each
individual is unique in its own way, so it is natural to show different points of view. In this
respect, it is very important to us to avoid any self-sufficient and self-censorship attitude and to
not use expressions like ,,You are young and inexperienced "; ,, I know better "; ,, In my day, we
did the things totally different..;. " Young people these days ...” etc.

It is also important to be open about our feelings towards others. It is impossible to love
or to please all the people, but the relationship mentor - mentee is one of heartfelt appreciation
and acceptance, not love. That does not mean that we will be conspicuous or uncivilized towards
those around us. It may be possible as well that the mentor to arouse antipathy of the trainee,
actually it is more likely because of the hierarchy relationship between those two. Therefore, it is
necessary to clarify the situation from the very beginning, without rancor, asking questions and
answering questions with honesty.

As mentors, we have an obligation to learn to listen and to give the trainee time to
express their ideas without interrupting or trying to impose our own ideas, thinking that our
experience is enough and could be apply to others.

Active listening is an essential quality that a mentor teacher should have. It often happens
to some of us to confuse listening with hearing. Listening means to pay attention to what it is
said, to go through our inner filter and to form an opinion. Action of hearing indicates passivity
and disinterest, it doesn’t involve the individual, but listening involves active participation and it
should define the attitude of the mentor. Active listening involves the recording of the speaker
moods, his or her emotional reactions. The mentor will be able to understand the speaker's point
of view, to know and to translate messages correctly.

It can be recognized four essential features of active listening: strength, empathy,

acceptance and willingness to assume responsibility for one’s actions and statements. These four
steps require the listener's emotional involvement, implicit recognition of the value of the trainee,
situation in which we find ourselves as mentor teachers in the views expressed by the mentee
himself or herself. Here, then, once again it is demonstrated the mutual character of the
relationship established between the mentor and the mentor, in Leon Bloy’s statement: Nobody
knows who gives and who receives.

To improve the capacity of being an active listening mentor, it would be necessary to take
note of some attitudinal and emotional changes. Eye contact is very important; its absence could
be interpreted as disinterest or disapproval. Eye contact might encourage the mentee to express
his or her views; it will increase self-esteem and will help him or her focus. It is also useful to
nod affirmatively from time to time and showing a smiling facial expression. The nonverbal
communication and the body language (facial expressions, gestures) are adjacent ways of
expressing our opinions and feelings. It is preferred however to avoid certain gestures or
attitudes that could send conflicting messages (crossing arms, crossing legs at the ankles, beating
rhythmic fingers on the opposite arm or a rigid area, playing with pens, closure and rhythmic
opening the lid of a pen etc. – all these attitudes denote defensiveness or boredom).

It is useful to ask questions. Questioning the mentee not only that helps him or her to
expose more elaborate ideas, but provide him/ her with proof that what it is said it is important
for the listener. In this regard, it is useful to paraphrase the content, to rephrase in other terms or
in a more concise way what the speaker said, thus checking if the transmitted message is
received correctly.

To avoid distorting the message delivered by trainee is preferable to avoid interruption of

speech, even if sometimes we might anticipate what he or she wants to express. Also, if errors
creep into the message set by the sender, it is more efficient to make corrections after he or she
has completed the presentation. Correcting mistakes will be made with elegance and delicacy,
avoiding possible arrogant or ironic attitudes.

The mentor should not speak too much. What it is really important is how the trainee is
evolving mentally and professionally. Excessive repetition of the same ideas and principles, as
good and fair as these, will ultimately have a boomerang effect, and by reiterating the
significance is lost.

Finally, it is useful to provide a positive feedback, and teacher mentor should focus on
that. Negative feedback, aggressive criticism, ironic or even sarcastic attitude will have a
devastating effect on the mentee, destroying his or her self-confidence and attracting antipathy
towards mentor. Trainees will be reluctant to express their opinions or longer speak freely.

Positive feedback can be provided by using para communication (topical focus, pause,
intonation) through the use of clear language structures, avoiding words or expressions as thing,
work, job etc., or vagueness (You did a good job; You manage it in a big way, this thing did not
work out too well, this sucks etc.1) . Instead, we would try to explain what didn’t go well, how
the situation should have been handled, what other option the mentee would have had at a certain
moment or praised the mentee for what he did right. Positive assessments must be made

1
[author note: unfortunately, what might sound correctly in English, it has another meaning or suggest a high
degree of familiarity in Romanian– these are the limitations of translation and of cultural differences]
immediately after the conclusion of a stage and preferably in a setting relatively small, no
running and not at a coffee break with friends, otherwise the importance of what we are to
bequeath would be canceled or diminished by external factors. Also, the mentor teacher must
ensure that what had been transmitted it was correctly understood, the trainee having every right
to ask his trainer to address or explain certain statements which he had made.

Effective communication requires workout from the mentor teacher and builds up over
time by relating with their family, friends and acquaintances. It requires a set of rules, self-
discipline and appreciation from those around.

In conclusion, we communicate in every circumstance, but never by chance. Every act of

communication is initiated with a specific purpose: we want to draw attention, to impose our
point of view, to direct discussion or look to something ... In all we do we act almost
instinctively, but always to achieve a goal. As teacher mentors, we fulfill an important role not
only by the information that we have and we want to pass on, but also and more importantly in
the way we do our job.
 References:

1. *** An Introduction to Linguistics, Academy Publishing House, Bucharest, 1972

2. *** Communication and Listening Skills; Baylor University’s Community Mentoring

for Adolescent Development; Original Publication: 1998 Baylor University Revised
Edition Publication: 2004 MENTOR/National Mentoring Partnership

3. *** Elements of Structural Linguistics, Science Publishing House, Bucharest, 1967

4. *** General Linguistics Treaty, Academy Publishing House, Bucharest, 1971

2. ***** Innovation and Educational Success Regarding Teachers Professional

Development in Urban Areas. Communication in Education. Module 3; Ministry of Education,
Research, Youth and Sports. Unit of Management Projects with External Financing; Bucharest,
2011