Transcription

PLWHA #1

Interviewer- So ahh sir first question po. When did you know that you have this kind of condition?

Interviewee- February 2014. So bali 5 years kaka 5 years lang nung Feb 4. So bali 18 years old

ako nung nalaman ko

Interviewer- So hmm sir what is your initial reaction after knowing that you have this kind of

condition?

Interviewee- Sa una ano lang yung dedma lang na okey I have this. Na hindi naman ako yung na

depressed ng todo. Ano tawag dun na? hindi naman ako dumaan sa stage na ganon depression

stage. Tinuloy tuloy ko lang

Interviewer- So ah. How Did you accept yourself positively after knowing that you are an HIV

AIDS positive?

Interviewee- Minahal ko muna yung sarili ko yoon. So kumbaga madali sa akin na I accept din

yung condition nayun kasi ako lang din naman makakatulong sa sarili ko.

Interviewer- Sige po hmm. How did the people that you are close with yun example po

Family,friends niyo po treated you?

Interviewee- Sa friends ko okey naman wala naman silang. Ayun minsan sinasamahan nila ako sa

hub. sa may San Lazaro kumukuha ng medicine kapag may mga freetime sila. sa friends naman

isa lang yung nasabihan ko pero well-educated naman siya about don. so wala namang stigma and

discrimination between saming dalawa.

Interviewer- How about sa family niyo po?

Interviewee- Yun lang sa parents ko lang nakaka alam. Okey lang everything is alright.

Interviewer- How about those who are not po? Yung hindi niyo ka close?

Interviewee- Huh? Pano yun?

Interviewer- Yung ano po kunwari yung bagong killala sainyo or stranger na nalaman na HIV

positive po kayo?

Interviewee- May mga hindi ako ka close pero katulad ko. So okey naman. Pero yung mga iba na

sa ibanag tao na hindi ko kilala or ngayon ko lang nakilala na nalaman nila di ko masasabi kung

ano yung mga initial reaction nila na syempre iba rin yung takbo ng isip nila eh so makikita mo

siya pwedeng magkaroon ng comfortness or magulat sila

Interviewer- Na experience niyo po ba yung stigma?

Interviewee- Hindi? Ay! Siguro kapag biruan syempre nasasapul ako kapag may biruan na ganon

about HIV.lalo nakapag yung isang kumpol na magkakaibigan. Halimbawa yung sa klase minsan

may mga ganong issue rin na nag bibiruan. Which is at the same time deep inside natatamaan din

ako. Kasi hindi nila alam na meron ako. At hindi rin sila sensitive sa topic

Interviewer- What is you worst experience in life since you have been diagnosed or carry the

condition of HIV aids

Interviewee- Medyo natawa lang ako! Ayun Bukod sa wala akong sex life. Ano kasi may mga nag

bago din kasi. So halimbawa pupunta ako ng treatment kailangan ko gumising ng napaka aga. So

nag kakaroon din ako ng dreams yung sinasabi mong worst. Ano lang siguro yung mga effects din

ng gamot saakin. Kaya di ko rin masabi na worst dahil may times na hindi siya manageable so
nagkakaroon ako ng worst passion sakin especially don sa physiological effect. Di naman ako

yung nababaliw pero yung bigla bigla ka nalang malulungkot.

Interviewer- Ah parang mood swing?

Interviewee- Pwede!

Interviewer- Pero na experience niyo po ba ma discriminate or ma reject?

Interviewee- Hindi naman kasi kaunti lang naman yung nakaka alam

Interviewer- How did you overcome this experience?

Interviewee- learning the art of dedma

Interviewer- So ahm Sir! All in all how did you cope up with the negative experiences

Interviewee- Sa hub kasi namin may psychiatrist nag komukunsulta ako sakanya kapag ganon.

Pano ko siya I ha handle syempre kailangan ko rin ng tulong. Counselling psycho social support

Interviewer- Ano po yung pwede niyo masabi or mapayo? sa mga hindi aware imean sa mga

parang sinabi niyo pong yung iba pag dating sa biruan di nila alam yung sinasabi nila nakaka sakit

pala sila.

Interviewee- Ano lang be sensitive lang. kasi ano katulad niyan ano di sila aware. Baka may ibang

mga tao jan din na natatamaan. Be sensitive lang in all of words. Either it is a male or female

Interviewee- Kahit na sabihin natin aware andun yung education awareness for HIV pero kung

hanggat nandon yung stigma and discrimination. Ano matatago Parin. Buti nga na nakaya ko

PLWHA #2

Interviewer: So, question number 1, sir: When did you know that you have this kind of condition?
Interviewee: Nag start sya ung ano, recently lang ako na diagnosed july 2017 and then nag trigger

yung herpes zoster ko, hepes zoster is a, yun yung natutulog na bulutong sa katawan natin, diba

yung bata pa tayo treated yung bulutong satin, and then well yung virus na yon ay natutulog, kapag

humihina yung immune system mo ah, nagiging reactive ulit sya. Which is yung herpes zoster ay

rare shingles yungtinatawag is commonly nangyayari sa mga matatanda kasi yung matatanda is

mahina yung immune sytem, hindi sya normal sa mga batang katulad ko kasi like 22 yearsold nako

and then hmm second time july 2017 yun yung pangalawang beses nagka shingles ako hmm

pumunta ako ng doctor sa pgh and nung nakita ako ng dermatologist hmm nalaman nya na agad

kasi meron akong blisters dito , sira yung muka ko,hmm ayun dun nya sinabi na ah okay alam ko

na sabi ng doctor and then, pinalabas nya yung parents ko, tas sabi nya alam mon a ba yung

sasabihin ko? Sabi ng doctor.sabi ko opo nagka idea nako regarding that. The difference between

herpe zoster and yung herpes na nakukuha sa sex, eto ano talaga to nasa katawan na talaga natin

to. And then the first time na. na nagka herpes ako last 2011 ata or 2012 somethong like that tas

ayon ahh parang yun na yung doubt ko na baka meron na nga ako, pero hindi naman sa ano sa

hindi ako active.

Interviewer: Proceed to the next question sir? So, question number 2, sir: hmm What was your

initial reaction after knowing that you have this kind of condition?

Interviewee: Nung una medyo malungkot. Ahh nandun andun ka sa part na marami kang anxiety

attack and medyo suicidal narin. Suicidal not in terms of mag papakamatay nako, meaning kasi

mahina na yung immune system ko, parang mas papahinain ko pa yung sarili ko, para rekta ano

na rekta kabaong na parang ganon pakiramdam ko.

Interviewer: Suicidal thoughts… so hmm how did you accept yourself positively, positively after

knowing that you’re an HIV / AIDS positive?

Interviewee: ano, nung, nung naexplain ng doctor ko yung pinaka ano knowledge nya about HIV

and tska nung yung screening, yung nag pa test ako. Dun nila na ano yun na pwede panaman

mabuhay ng mahaba , pwede pa nga ako umabot ng 70 yearsold, then dun ko na inaccept na sige

kaya pa pala. As long as nag t-take ka ng ARV, yung treatment.

Interviewer: so you you accept yourself in what way? Uhm, do you talk with others with the same

condition or do you uhm…

Interviewee: Recently, this week lang ako nag start makipag usap sa katulad ko, but ah, yung

ginawa ko is yung parents ko muna alam nila yung nangyari sakin. Yung mama ko medyo

madrama and then yung tatay ko hmm kasi yung iba swerte ko nga daw kasi yung iba tinatakwil

ng magulang due to the stigma and then maswerte ako sa magulang ko kasi tinanggap ako.

Interviewer: So, you accept yourself in uhm, in-approach nyo po muna yung magulang nyo then

you uhm, parang nag hingi po kayo ng comfort sa kanila? That’s how you accept yourself?

Interviewee: Sinabi din ng doctor kona kung gusto mo bang malaman nila mommy at daddy? Sabi

ko opo okay lang po. Kasi nandito na to, nandito na to eh, di ko na maaalis to dito eh.

Interviewer: So, family comfortation. So, number 4: How did the people that you are close with,

example: your family, bestfriends treated you?

Interviewee: Uhm yung unang nakaalam is yung parents ko nga. And then, after that,I ano.

kinausap ko yung mga bestfriends ko, highschool best friends ko. And then yung isa don nag t-

take ng medical course, medyo nalungkot sila sa nangyari pero hindi nila ako tinuring na ano, di

sila lumayo, tapos hanggang ngayon nag t-travel parin kami together although kaka start ko lang

ng ARV then mas madalas yung hang out pero hindi nako umiinom, bawal nako uminom eh at

tsaka mag yosi. Tapos and then ayun,na confront recently lang din kinausap ko yung mga pinsan
ko , yung pinaka close ko since childhood palang magkakasama na kami pero hindi ko sinasabi sa

mga kapatid ko kasi puro lalaki kami eh.

Interviewer: Ah so, hindi pa po nila alam? Yung mga kapatid nyo?

Interviewee: Opo. Mas close ko kasi yung mga pinsan ko kesa sa mga kapatid ko

Interviewer: Bakit po ba? Malayo po… yung agwat po ba ninyo is malayo?

Interviewee: Hindi, kasi medyo ano, yung panganay at tsaka yung bunso, possibility ka age ko

lang yung bunso eh , yung panganay may possible na maintindihan nya kasi malawak na kaalaman

nya, yung pangalawa yun yung ayaw kong maka alam kasi ano sya eh, makitid.

Interviewer: So they accepted you?

Interviewee: Uhm wala pa naman sa point sa mga kapatid ko, sa mga pinsan ko sabi laban lang

daw.

Interviewer: So,hmmm how about those who are not? Kasi sabi ko nga po kanina sa question

number 4 po,hmm ‘How did the people that you are close with treated you?’ In question number

5, ‘How about those who are not?’

Interviewee: Meaning yung mga di pa nakakaalam?

Interviewer: Hindi, yung mga hindi nyo po masyadong kaclose. Parang ano lang, tropa tropa lang,

di niyo lagi nakakausap. Pano po kayo nila tinreat?

In terviewee: hmm okay naman, kasi diko pa dinidisclose sa iba eh pero kapag kasi, nandun kasi

yung doubt ko na baka pag na disclose ko sa kanila baka mamaya I judge ako judge agad,

Interviewer: so youre afraid of judgements?

Interviewee: di naman sa takot pero kaso ako eh marami akong kaibigan, at mahirap mawalan ng

kaibigan.

Interviewer: So hondi nyo pa po sinasabi? Or minemention sakanila?

Interviewee: Kaya ang may mga alamlang ay yung mga highschool besfriends ko lang

Interviewer: next question question number 6 so what is your worst experience in life since you’ve

been diagnosed or carried the condition of HIV/AIDS worst experience?)

Interviewee: ahhhm, yung una is yung suicidal thoughts and then when I started having my arv

parang nag karron ako ng ano kasi meron akong nung tinetake na gamot para sa pneumonia and

then ahh nagkaroon ako nggg allergic reaction mapa mapa to tapos hangga sa muka ko, mapa pero

sa body wala , sa arms legs at face lang. para akong manas, ganon. Tapos hindi nako maka tayo

tapos nilalagnat ako siguro mga 40c 40-50c

Interviewer: (so grabe ano po grabe pop ala talaga nangyari)

Interviewee: pero na treat naman ako agad kasi dumerecho ako sa hub sa hub ko na binigyan ako

ng anti allergy kasi hindi gumagana yung ano eh cetirizine na gamot

Interviewer: HMM in terms of ano sir discrimina have you been discriminated or rejected in some

places have you experienced that sir?

Interviewee: ahh, medyo discriminated lang, ano lang, meron akong mga highschool bestfriends

and open ako sakanila kasi pamilya kami. May isa dun na hindi ko hindi namin kasundo na medyo

nakakaalitan namin, parang ang ginawa nya since alam nya na yung status ko, sinabi nya pa sa

parents nya tapos ahmm, parang nainis ako na bakit mo kailagang sabihin sa parents mo, nauna ka

pa sa first. Ganon. Naiinis ako sakanya pero hindi ko sya kinakausap at pag nag sasama kami sa
isang inuman hindi ako umiinom kasi pag nag take ako ng arv 10 pm kaya kailangan ko na matulog

after that, tas umuwi ako and then recently lang hmm, sinabi sakin ng dalawang bestfriend ko na

uy sinabi ni ganito na ano ah na ah na, ano ba yon.

Interviewer: personal?

Interviewee: Oo tapos sabi nya oh, mag ingat ka baka masample-an ka tulad kay ano. Ganon,

ganun yung pagka sabi Syempre pag dating sakin ang shit non. Ay sorry. Ang shit non kasi youre

talking behind my back , eh parang pinalagpas kita dun sa pinangunahan moko sa magulang mo

eh although ka close ko yung magulang mo pero piangunahan moko tas ngayon gaganunin moko.

Parang ano ka, anong problema mo? Yun na yung nangyari sakin

Interviewer: so (in terms of rejection sir, na reject na po ba kayo sa kunyare nag w-work kayo sa

school?)

Interviewee: hmm hindi panama, kasi hmm ngayon ojt palang naman ako

Interviewer: So kahit ano pong experience na rejection?

Interviewee: wala panaman

Interviewer: so proceed to second to the last question? Hmm So how did you overcome this

experience yung experience nyo po na hmm diba na na na ano po kayo kanina sinabi nyo nga po

na )

Interviewee: happy lang.

Interviewer: so you hmm inovercome nyo po as ..

Interviewee: being positive despite of being a positive ganon. Parang kasi,

Interviewer: Staying optimistic?

Interviewee: kasi ano eh nung wala pa akong arv sobrang na ano parang na depressed ako kung

ano gagawin ko sa buhay , pero nung nag take ako ng arv sabi nga nila may side effectdaw yung

arv, feeling ko may side effect yung parang mas nagging optimistic pako sa (inaudible) then

ineenjoy ko lang .

Interviewer: hmm so ano po parang life goes on nalang po?

Interviewee: kaya nga masgusto kong ano eh, ngayon target ko is after kong maging undetectable

hmm gusto ko mag advocate, education, ganon.

Interviewer: that’s good sir. Yung kahapo po naming nainterview sir advocate. So procedd to the

next question sir sooo all in all in your life how did you cope u with the negative experience na

nangyari po sainyo?

Interviewee: hmm ayun parang stay happy to the fullest ganon lang paarng hindi mo namna

kailangan I isolate sarili mo dahil meron ka lang ganito, yung iba nga ano, parang ayun, andami

ko ring kwentong na encounter nah ala bakit ganon sila parang ano wala ba kayong taong sobrang

mapagkakatiwalaan? Na hindi sarado yung utak, parang maghanap sila ng other ways para may

maka intindi sakanila. Kasi mas nakaka gaan ng loob yung may nakaka alam at naiintindihan ka ,

kasi yun yung mga taong ano talaga eh yng hindi apektado ng stigma kung baga. Although kasi

kung hindi lang ano although nasa sayo rin yung ipapaintindi mo sakanila eh para mahinto yung

stigma, hind yung ano yung I defefpnd mo na basta ka lang hindi harmful, defend mo na ano,

kung ano talaga yung meron, kung ano yung nagging background nugn virus ganon lang

Interviewer:: so ayun thank you po sa pagiging pakiki join nyo po samin today.
PLWHA #3

Interviewer: so first question sir, when did you know that you have this kind of condition

Interviewee: okay, simulan natin ang makulay na buhay kung paano ako nadiagnose. Well, nung,

uhh... technically, uhh.. i was diagnosed of 2009 of october. So nag eengage ako sa multiple sex

relationship so both online and text. Kausuhan pa yan ng ano text pad saka ng mga.. if you are

aware of the group chats. Yan, so very active ako. I engage into multiple sex partner when i was,

i think 16 or 17 and then i was diagnosed 21, gragraduate ako ng college. Then, buti nalang nung

na diagnose ako, paakyat na ako ng stage, ng stage. Kasi may nangyari sakin before na. It took to

the attention of my two nurse. Dalawa kong nurse na pinsan. Kasi ugali ko dati kasi may ugali

akong, well pumunta ako ng san mateo, rizal nun. Nag stay ako dun. Syempre i engaged to multiple

sex Partner. Yung pinsan kong isang nurse, kasi ugali ko yung underwear ko kung san san lang

nakapatong or whatsoever sa cr. then yung tita ko, nakita niya kasi nag karoon ako ng STI before.

STI, so uhm.. Sexually Transmitted Infection. So dumarating yung point na naglalabas ako ng

bloodstains, bloodstain from my anus. So nagtataka sila bakit 8 to 10 times a day ako nag papalit

ng underwear. So nag caught ng attention yung tita ko. Kinausap ngayon ang pinsan ko. Sabi niya

"kausapin mo yung--" kasi i am the eldest among sa father side sa mag pipinsan. Ayun, so nirefer

ako sa doctor somewhere in.. sa amin sa manila. Sa Chinese Gen. bali tatlong doctor yung tumingin

sakin. Isang gastrointestinal, isang infectious disease, saka isa pa. so, safe pa diagnosis nila STI

nga siya. So yung gastrointestinal doctor ko, i think she is trained. So she asked me, "sir uhh"

kinausap-- uhh kinausap nya ako ng one on one. Tinanong niya mga sexual behavior ko, mga

attitudes ko. Kinwento ko lahat, kinwento ko lahat. Kaya minsan pag tinatanong ako ng mga, ng

mga katulad nyo. Tinanong, may mga sarcastic na question na sinasagot ko din naman na parang

uhh ano to uhh "may naging regrets ba daw ako" after my diagnosis pero sinasagot ko "no" kasi
lahat ng mga kalokohan bilang isang kabataan nagawa ko. After nun, i started uhh yun nga. So

kinausap yung ako at saka yung.. magkahiwalay kami kasi sa ano yan. Once na ieencourage kayo

for testing is that uhh.. kakausapin yung kliyente ng separate and then yung parents. So hindi

malalaman ni.. nung parents kung ano yung mga pinag gagawa ng mga... nung... pinag gagawa ko.

So yung isang pinsan ko ding nurse uhh siya yung nag hanap ng testing site. So nagpatest ako sa

manila social hygiene clinic, sa manila. That was october of 2009 and then yun nga nag reactive

then after one month, lumabas yung confirmatory ko. Uhh.. one month kasi siya eh. So pag nag

reactive ka one month, one month pa siya. So meron... meron kaming tinatawag na 'western blood'.

So sa western blood, dun maasses kung tama yung.. kung tama yung results ng reactive test. So

lumabas na siya, yung confirmstory. So, alam ko na naman sakin, alam ko na naman sa sarili ko

na infected. Technically, i dont say its infected eh. Parang would you believe uh if you're going to

check the registry ngayon its 50 000. Im one of them. 50 000, sa 50 000 na diagnosed, isa ako dun.

So after nun lumabas ang confirmatory ko, i started treatment sa san lazaro hospital.

Interviewer: okay sir. So, proceed to the next question? Question number 2: what was your initial

reaction after knowing that you have this kind of condition? Your main reaction, sir.

Interviewee: well, technically alam ko na. Alam ko naman yung mga kalokohan ko dati. Feeling

ko nga 2007 or 2008 meron na ako eh. Pero i never regret. Feeling ko lang yun mga 2008 nainfect

na ako pero wala, patay malisya sabi ko nga. Iniyakan ko lang siya one day after lumabas nung

confirmatory ko. Kasama ko yung mother ko. Siyempte alam naman natin ang nanay di

magpapakita ng emosyon yan. Di siya magpapakita ng emosyon pero yung on my part, tanggap
ko na eh kasi omce na lumabas na yung confirmatory, kasi meron kaming tinatawag na once na

lumabas ang confirmatory mo, that is your passport going to treatment na. Yun na yung ano, yun

na yung kumbaga sabi ko sa sarili ko, uhh di na ako mag aano. Di na ako manghahawa uhm kung

gagawa man ako ng kalokohan, gagawin ko na ng safe kasi i have to protect my partner or yung

fucking buddy ko. Im sorry guys ah meron mga terminologies na... na ano, medyo, uhh, i dont

know kung kaya nyo yung mga ano, mga salita

Interviewer: its okay to express your feelings

Interviewee: kasi yoon, after nun, just go on, just go on with life. Im living with uhm im living

with HIV for almost 10 years and im taking uhm treatments since two thousand... uhh, no. Im

taking uhm anti retroviral theraphy para siyang ARV. So, wait. Im going to show you the medicine.

So eto ano lang siya, isang ano lang siya, style ng medicine. (Where's the medicine) So eto yung

medicine. Ayan siya. Pwede nyo siyang.. ayan siya.

Interviewer: pills.

Interviewee: its a pills. Ayan siya, ayan ang style nya. So eto iniinom ko siya 10 am, 10 pm and

the other one is (where's the other one). Eventually, dala dala ko siya lagi eh. Kahit abutin ako ng

madaling araw sa lansangan, iniinom ko siya. So eto, eto siya. Eto yung iniinom ko from 11 pm.

So pag 11 pm, pag nainom ko na sila, eto kasi uhh this is [incomprehensible medicine formula]

this is a combination. So 350.. 350 milligrams yung [incomprehensible medical formula] and

hundred fifty [incomprehensible medical formula] so mag kasama siya. Eto naman, iniinom ko

naman sa gabi, 11 pm. So yoon, basta ano lang, umiinom lang ako ng gamot, nag aadhere lang

ako. Kaya pag mga bandang 11... 11 30 or mga midnight para na akong sabog niyan, pag uminom

na ako ng gamot.
Interviewer: so may side effect sir? May side effect?

Interviewee: eventually may side effect siya, may side effect siya lalo na yung isang iniinom ko

ng 11pm

Interviewer: grabe, grabe

Interviewee: para akong naka marijuana, para akong naka marijuana kasi when.. pag dinrug test

ako, mag popositive ako. Mag popositive ako kaya ang sinasabi samin na once nag aano ka. Uhh

mag didisclose ka sa.. its either mag didisclose ka dun sa officer in charge or kukuha ka ng

Interviewer: form?

Interviewee: hindi, ng certificate from your treatment hub that you're drinking these medicines, ito

po yung side effects nya

Interviewer: clarifications

Interviewee: oo, may specifications siya kasi yung [medical formula] meron siyang halong ano,

marijuana. So talagang 11 pm , siguro mga 2 to 3 hours, banggag na ako nyan.

Interviewer: sir? Proceed to the next question? So, question number 3: uhm, how did you accept

yourself positively after knowing that you're an HIV / AIDS positive?

Interviewee: sabi ko nga, yun nga, after my diagnosis, ininject ko na sa utak ko na, okay lets move

on. Life must go on. Yun nga lang may mga times na dumarating.. may question... yung question

na... "bakit ako?" "Bakit ganyan?" Well, dumating din naman sa point na in denial ako pero,

dumating yung punto na sabi ko "hindi, i have to move on" kumbaga ano na, iwanan yung

nakaraan, balikan.... ano na, focus tayo sa future kasi when i talk, when i do testimonials katulad

ng mga studyante, kabataan, yung iba nag bo-bow down about my story. Nag bo-bow down sila.
After my story... well techinically, di siya storytelling eh. Kumbaga yung naging ups and downs

ko living with the... with HIV for the past 10 years, sa pakikipag laban ko, still nandito ako sa

harapAn nyo, nakatayo, stand firm, lumalaban. Eventually, yung mga katulad nyomg studyante

lalo na yung mga nilelecturan ko on the schools, hindi sila makapamiwala. Sabi nila "sir, hindi ka

naman mukang may sakit. Hindi ka naman mukang may ano, ganyan ganyan" sabi ko, "well, ano

lang yan, healthy lifestyle lang yan" saka yung ano

Interviewer: faith?

Interviewee: ofcourse, syempre, mas naging ano ako, mas naging close ako sa pamilya ko. Kasi

dati, syempre, tayong mga kabataan diba, gimik dito, gimik dyan. Diba, gimik diyaan. Pero

ngayon, dati kasi ano ako eh, partygoer. Kahit saan mo ako kaladkarin, sama. Kahit saan yan, kahit

naka pambahay lang ako, makakaano... pag gusto kong umalis, aalis ako. Pero now, syempre,

priority ko muna yung health ko kasi mas okay na... tawag dito, mas okay na... kasi may mga times

na yung mga friends ko nag tatampo na sa akin. Sabi nila.. nag tatampo sila.. Sabi nila "Lean, bat

di ka na namin makasama. Dati isang text lang namin sayo, kating kating na yang paa mo. Kating

kati na. Pero ngayon.." kasi eventually, pag pagod talaga ako at nag aaya sila. Sasabihin ko pagod

talaga ako. As in talagang di kaya ng katawAn ko. I'll better sleep rather than... pero gumigimik

pa rin naman ako once a month. Yoon.

Interviewer: okay, so uhh yun nga po, diba nga, sabi nga po namin sainyo na, uhh yung research

paper po namin ay is for the movement and we are glad na nag shashare po kayo ng story samin

ngayon, how you inspire us kasi di lang naman po yung success ng study yung hinahanap namin

dito but, uhm how you inspire and how we use this as a life lesson para samin and we are thanking...

we are thanking you for that, sir. And next question sir? Number 4 so uhm, in family matters, sir.
Question number 4: how did the people that you are close with, uhm for example, your family,

best friends treated you? How did they treated you, sir?

Interiewee: well, simula nung nakipag laban na ako sa sakit na to, yung mother ko ang laging

kasama ko. Startijg from nadiagnose ako, nagpatest ako, nagtreatment ako mother ko ang kasama

ko. Even though yung mga kapatid ko, alam nila yung status ko. Most of my immediate family

knows my status and aome circle of friends. Yung mgs... mgs kagrupo ko. Alam nila yung status

ko and when i do the disclosure... kasi iba style ki pag mag didisclose ako eh. Kunwari nag iinuman

tayo, tapos may nag open up "hou, sino yung ganyan ganyan, nakipag sex ako before ganyan

ganyan" bibirada ako ngayon ng "nagpatest ka na ba" tapos yoon. Di ... eventually pag didisclose

ko sa mga kaibigan ko saka dun sa crowd nung mga circle of uhh... yung mga taong.. not

necessarily... yung mga barkada ko. nung nalaman nila status ko, parang nag ano sila, nag

flashback sila na "oh my god parang meron yata akong nagawan na di maganda or so whatsoever"

so nag aano sila... bigla nalang mag tetext sakin or mag memessage sakin sa facebook. "Lean,

samahan mo ako sa testing facility" sabi ko "sige". Iba kasi ano eh, iba kasi yung ano.. impact pag

nag disclose ka eh. Nag disclose ka sa ibang tao. Kaya lang kasi tandaan natin dalawa ang klase

ng tao: merong submissive, at merong receptive. Ang receptive, maswerte ka pag ang tao receptive.

Lahat mg ibato mo mg ibato ng ibato, tatanggapon niya. Pero pag ang tao ay submissive, pasok sa

kanan, labas sa kaliwa. Kaya yung mga kainigan ko, circle of friends well, technically. Sa awa mg

diyos may nakita na ako sa hub. Masakkt man sakin pero basta nagkita na kami eh.. di ko na..

basta. Dati ko siya naging fucking buddy. Naging fucking buddy ko siya tapos nagulat ako, nasa

san lazaro na. Sabi ko... tumingin lang ako tapos yung isa pa din, nakita ko din. Sabi ko... siyempre

biruan namin dun sa.. well, techinically kasi pag nasa loob kami ng hub we dont talk About ano

eh... ang term kasi ma ginagamit namin dun: "pupunta ka ba sa school" or sa university. Kasi may
mga ibat ibang lemggwahe kaming ginagamit. Kunyari sasabihin, "pupunta ka ba sa alabama

university or sa school ganyan ganyan" so kami kaming mga PLHIV ang nagkakaintimdihan nung

mga terminolohiyang ganun. Ganung mga terms. Minsan naman pag sinabi nung uhh.. kaming

mga PLHIV, may mga terminolohiya kaming ginagamait na hindi naiinitindihan ng katulad nyo.

Yung kumbaga kami lang nagkakaintindihan pareparehas pero ang maganda doon is that, yun

nga... napakaganda nung ano.. nag didisclose. Kasi ako, yung birada ko, lalo na kung mga

studyante ang mga participants ko. Aanuhin ko yan.

Interviewer: inspire?

Interviewee: hindi, Ang style ko kasi is palabok eh. Input ako ng input ng input ng input tapos

biglang iikot yan, irererverse ko yung ano.. irerereverse ko yung attention nila. Tatanungin ko sila

"oh, guys, pano yung... what do you think will be the... kumbaga sa ano." "Tingin nyo, ano yung

itsura ng taong namumuhay sa HIV? Tingin kayo sa kanan, tingin kayo sa kaliwa, tingin kayo sa

likod, tingin kayo sa harap.”

Interviewer: so nirereflect nyo, pinagrereflect

Interviewee: kumbaga ano lang ako, input lang ako ng mga ano.. input lang ako ng input tapos..

edi napalabok ko na, saka ko ipapasok yun, pagkapasok ko nun , dun na ako magsisimula na

magkwento na.. life story. So yung iba, ibang mga studyante, nagugulat, sasabihin nila "sir, hindi

naman halata sayo. Taba.. ano healthy ka naman ganyan ganyan" kumbaga yung stigma saka yung

discrimination. When we talk about stigma kasi, yung stigma is yung tingin mo sa isang tao. "Ay,

PLHIV siya, ay may sakit siya". yung discrimination eto yung ginegeneralize mo yung isang tao

kung ano yung nakikita mo. Kunyari, kasi.. kaya ako nag didisclose kasi nakakaano din ako eh.

Naka out din ako sa media pero hindi ako masyado hinahabol ng media ngayon dahil marami na
kaming lumalabas eh. Kasi hindi ganun kadali mag out sa media kasi the very first time na i came

out to the media, ano yun.. isa sa mga organization ko na naka affiliate ako was asking me, "Lean,

kailangan namin ng PLHIV na mag ouout sa media" eh tumawag sakin mga around 9 am in the

morning. Sabi ko "sige, pag isipan ko, just give me a few hours para mag isip" so yung event was

2 oclock in the afternoon, siguro mga 1 oclock in the afternoon tinawagan ko yung parang media

relations officer namin. Sabi ko "sige, lalabas ako sa media." Pero nung nagkataon na yun, yung

opening statement ko kasi ano siya, panel siya. Meron kaming kick off ng isang organization that

was 2011 ata, if i am not mistaken. Dami, daming media nun. Edi siyempre may moderator dun

tapos kaming mga... bali apat kaming panelista. Ako yung huling huli.. kumbaga ako yung pinaka

ano.. huling huli sa nag salita. Sabi nila.. edi mag opening statement ako ganyan ganyan. Sabi ko..

kasi di alam ng parent.. ng mother ko. I came from a broken family kasi. So yung father ko has a

colon cancer. Three uhh.. one year ago ko lang nalaman na meron siya. So yung mga parents ko,

ingat na ingat din ako na lumabas sa media ngayon kasi siyempre even though na pitik lang ng

camera yung gumalaw dun sa pag ouout ko, lumabas yung muka ko, lumabas yung.. sa tabloid, sa

broadsheet hanggang mindanao kasi binato sakin yung ano eh.. kasi binato sakin yung ano eh,

binato sakin yung mga articles eh. Talagang andun talaga. Andun yung pangalan ko, edad ko, kung

san ako nakatira. So yun nga, sabi nga nila "it takes a man to disclose..." kumbaga yun yung, yun

yung lagi kong sinasabi. Its better na mag disclose ka pwede mong sabihin na "oo bisexual ako,

oo bading ako" pero hindi ko kayang.. yung iba ah yung iba.. hindi ko kayang sabihin na HIV

positive ako. Pero may contradiction yun ah, may contradiction yun. Yung iba naman kaya uhh,

ano to... kaya nila sabihin na "bisexual ako, gay ako" pero hindi.. yun nga.. vice versa, vice versa

yung ano, yung ganun

Interviewer: depende sa circumstances na..

Interviewee: oo kasi yun yung naging ano ko eh, naging patakaran ko sabi ko. Kasi sakin ano eh,

for the past 10 years in the advocacy kasi binugbog ako ng husto sa training, sa mga workshop. I

started from the bottom to the up. Kaya yung ano, yung.. I do speak with technical people kaya

minsan sabi ng mga friends ko, “Lean, masyado ka na.. medyo technical ka na mag salita.

Technical ka na kasi halo halo na yung.. siyempre, kailangan.. once na mag sasalita ka sa iba, sa

mga tao kailangan iassess mo muna sino ba yung audience mo. Kung studyante yan, kailangan

medyo laro ang salita. Pag professional yan, professional talaga. Pag doctor yan, medyo technical

ka kasi mga medical terms ang ginagamit mo. Pero kung government officials yan or sa national

level, ano yan, bugbugan yan, ang ano namin dun, ang tawag namin dun ‘bugbugan talaga parang

pa…’

Interviewer: palaban? [laughs]

Interviewee: hindi, not necessarily palaban. Yung ano, yung, uhh, paramihan ka ng maiinput talaga

na talagang from the start kasi yun nga, yun nga yung sinasabi ko sa inyo, I started as a volunteer

then..

Interviewer: leader, advocacy?

Interviewee: then, sa… simula nung nag engage ako, nagugulat nalang ako, padadala ako sa

national, sa regional. Sabi ko nga eh, ang pangarap ko nalang, ano, ang pangarap ko nalang talaga

Interviewer: is to inspire…

Interviewee: hindi, makaattend ng conference sa ano, international conference. Yun nalang

hinihiling ko talaga na makaattend ako. Sabi ko.. biro ko nga sa kanila, “pag nakaattend na ako ng

international conference pwede na akong mamatay.” Kumbaga biruan lang namin yun, biruan lang

namin yun sa circle namin na makaattend ako ng international conference, pwede na akong
mamatay at makumpleto kaming pamilya, pwede na akong mamatay. Pero sabi nga ng mga

kaibigan ko, sabi ng mga circle of friends ko, “di pa pwede, marami ka pang tutulungan mga.. mga

bagong diagnose, pwede, ano pa, marami ka pang mga kabataan na maiinspire lalo na yung mga

nag aaral, mga nag aaral. Lalo na yung at the early age nag eengage na sila sa sex. So magiging

aware talaga sila. Yun.

Interviewer: so, question number 5: how about those people who are.. you are not close with?

Uhm, back in the question number 4, I asked you right, uhm, how did the people that you are close

with treated you. So in question number 5, how about those who are not?

Interviewee: may naexperience ako before nyan, uhh.. nagclan ako dati. If you are aware of clans,

yung mga text pads, text pads siya sa text. Meron akong naging clan nun. Technically, alam nila

yung status ko. And then, yung founder, uhh, ano siya.. parang siyempre, kasi before, nagkaron

ako ng TB. That was 2016 of july. Pero okay na ako ngayon, wala na akong problema. Eventually

category 1 lang siya, sa awa ng diyos. Natreat na siya so negative na ako for TB. So parang inaano

nya, mag set aside muna ako sa grupo. Wag muna ako mag pakita sa grupo na… Sabi niya sakin,

“Lean, wag ka muna mag pakita sa grupo kasi nga may TB ka ganyan ganyan.” Sabi ko, “bakit?

Ganyan ganyan.” “Hindi, basta gusto namin mag pahinga ka muna ganyan ganyan.” So parang

feeling na stigmatized ako na parang feeling ko… di naman nakakahawa sakit ko. Di naman

nakakaano, di naman nakaka… ano nga… oo, even though yun nga. Remember guys, ang HIV.

There are three… tatlo lang ang modes of transmission nyan: number 1, unprotected sex with an

infected person. Second, is yung contaminated syringe and needles. And number 3, uhh, dati ang

tawag namin dyan ay is ‘mother to child transmission’ eh pero ngayon binago na naman. Kasi

every… siguro way back 2009, iba na yung ano, iba na yung… ah 2009 nag training ako nyan.

Way back 2015, nag bago na naman ang tawag dyan nung nag training of trainers ako. Nag tra-
train na ako ng mga educators. Sabi nila, “it’s no longer ‘mother to child transmission’. So it’s

mother to child transmission during pregnancy or uhh, during uhh, breastfeeding.” Tatlo lang. yun

lang yung tatlong modes of transmission pag naging, pag naano ka sa risk assessment sa tatlong

yun, it’s time for you to think kung kailangan ko na mag patest. Pag yun lang, yun lang yung

tatlong yun. Pero, sabi nga nila, meron nga tayong tinatawag na modes of transmission. After that

is… balikan natin yung basic: ano ba HIV? Ang HIV is Human Immunodeficiency Virus. Ang

HIV, eto yung, pumapatay sa T4 cells. T4 cells is… ay on the medical side to ah, medical side. T4

cell or eto yung white blood cell ng katawan natin o yung sundalo ng katawan natin.

Interviewer: nag rereduce

Interviewee: yes. Yung AIDS is uhh, Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.

Interviewer: mas malala

Interviewee: eto yung pagkakataon na hindi na kaya ng katawan ng isang person living with HIV

na i-hold dahil marami na siyang opportunistic infections. Ano ba yung mga opportunistic

infections?

Interviewer: TB? Pneumonia?

Interviewer: TB, pneumonia, cancer. So yoon. Tapos meron pang isa, eventually when I do

education, most specially sa mga studyante, meron kasi tayong ano eh.. if you are aware of yung

biruan namin: ‘Four Principles of Successful Transmission.’ Kumbaga biruan lang namin sa circle

namin ah. Pero iba yung tinatawag samin, yung four principles of successful transmission. Yung

exit, o kung saan siya lumabas; survive, kung meron ba siyang… ah, makakasurvive ba siya; and

then, uhmm, survival, uhh, ano ba.. gano ba ka-tindi yung makasurvive siya at kung san siya

papasok. Tapos papasok na rin yung, ano ba yung four body fluid natin na pwe-pweding makapag
transmit? Number 1: is yung semen or yung tamod ng isang lalaki, blood, vaginal secretion or

hima ng babae, and yung.. uhh breastfeeding. Yun lang yun. Yung apat na yun. Pag wala dun sa

apat, wala. So yun, yun nga yung sinasabi nila when they eventually.. yung mga kaibigan ko dati,

yun nga yung sinasabi ko, yung isa kong grupo na.. well yung founder. Nag kita kami 1 year, 1

year after nung nangyari yun. Wala na sakin. Kumbaga parang natanggap na nila ako. Saka mas

ano na sila ngayon, mas… ako gumagala pa ako ng mga alas kwatro ng madaling araw. Mag tetext

sakin yan, “asan ka?” o kaya tatawag sakin, “asan ka?” o kaya mag memessage sa facebook, “asan

ka? Ganyan ganyan.” Eh minsan umiinom ako, “nandito ako sa may Cubao” sabi niya, “umuwi ka

na! ganyan ganyan.” Ano, tinatalakan ako ng husto. Sabi ko, “oo, uuwi na ako! Dali lang,

tataapusin ko lang to.” Alam mo yung ano, yung immediate.. yung dati mong, yung dati mong..

nag discriminate sayo or nag stigmatize sayo, nag divert siya to ano siya, naging concern na siya.

“oh, oras na ng inom ng gamot mo, alas dyis na. Ganyan ganyan.” So talagang, ano talaga, iba

talaga pag naeducate mo yung mga tao. Iba. Iba yung ano, iba yung feeling na.. well technically,

di naman masyadong..

Interviewer: comfortable na sila sayo?

Interviewee: comfortable na sila yun nga lang meron mga precautionary measures na bawal yung

ganito, bawal yung ganyan kaya yoon.

Interviewer: so, next question sir? So question number 6, what is your worst experience in life

since you have been diagnosed or carry the condition of HIV/AIDS? Worst experience.

Interviewee: worst condition… ang worst condition ko lang naman yung nagka STI ako eh. Kasi

nag undergo ako ng.. ano siya.. inoperahan ako. In-electric cauterization ako. So yung genital warts

tinanggal sakin. Would you believe guys, uhh, ano to, pumasok ako ng hospital somewhere in
Marikina. Then yung doctor ko, yung dermatologist ko, yung dermatologist doctor ko.

Kinabukasan, siguro siyempre ako, ano naman ako, tinatalakan ko pa or sinisigawan ko yung

doctor ko. “Doc anong oras na, alas siyete!” kasi hindi na ako pinakain eh. Kung bukas ang

operation, ngayon palang di na ako pinapakain. Ngayong gabi. Di na ako pinakain, siguro mga

before 12 di na ako pinakain. Siyempre, mainit ang ulo ko gutom na gutom na ako eh. Eh nag

almost two or three hours yung naging session namin sa operation eh. Eh yung anesthesiologist

pagkaturok sakin dito sa may likod ko, di ko na alam nangyari.

Interviewer: nakatulog na kayo?

Interviewee: tulog na. as in alam mo yung kalahati ng katawan mo di mo maigalaw, yung pilit

mong itinatayo yung paa mo, gusto mong manadyak. Di ko magawa tapos tinurukan ako ng

pampatulog. Pag gising ko nasa ano na ako, nasa recovery ano, room na ako. Tapos sabi ko dun

sa isang nurse, sabi ko, “ate, gusto ko mag cr.” Alam mo yung hirap na hirap kang tumayo. Yun

lang naman yung worst na nangyari sakin nung nagka STI ako eh kasi would you believe again,

after the operation, nag pahinga nalang ako ng isang araw sa hospital, then nag lalakad na ako..

the following day. Pauwi. Kaya yung mga kasama ko nagulat sakin. Eventually, eto ah. Walang

ano, kasi if you are aware of the.. naka padding ako noon, naka padding, yung sa mga babae.

Parang sanitary napkin, napkin siya. Para hindi mag ano, mag spill yung mga blood. Kasi ano siya

eh, medyo fresh pa yung sugat. nagulat yung mga kasama ko sa ano, mga kasama ko… mga

barkada ko. Sabi nila, “kala ko nasa bahay ka?” pero nakita nila ako nasa hospital ako, nasa

treatment hub ako. Naglalakad talaga ako, wala akong pakielam. Yun nga lang, medyo piki ang

lakad ko, kasi mga masakit pa siya. Mahirap kasi ano, mahirap talaga yung ano, mahirap yung

naging… yun yung pinaka worst talagang nangyari sakin na talagang… nung tinignan na ng mga

doc, yung dermatologist ko, yung sa akin. Yung genital warts ko, akala nila sa labas ng anus is that
konti lang siya. Pero nung binuka na nila… if this is your anus, nung binuka nila, dun na nila nakita

na hanggang looban sakin. Hanggang loob. So parang umabot yata siya sa may esophagus ko. So

kung hindi siya natanggal, pwede akong mamatay. So ang hirap ng ano.. yun yung pinakaworst

talagang nangyari sakin na nagpapasalamat ako sa diyos dahil… eventually, wag na natin isipin

yung ginastos eh. Kasi ang mother ko saka yung mga tita ko nagtulong tulong. Would you, ano…

napakalaki ng ginastos sa operation ko. Gumastos kami ng almost… lahat lahat na ah, pati kasama

gamot. Almost 70,000. Diba. Ang hirap, ang hirap nun. Yun yung pinakaworst talaga na nangyari

sa akin na talagang… sabi ko nga minsan, minsan sinasabi ko sa sarili ko, “ayoko na mag pa-

bottom.” Ayoko na… if you are aware yung mga salitang kalye sa amin, sa mga bisexual. Yung

mga salitang ganun na “ayoko na mag pa-bottom. Tama na yung isang beses lang. kung magka

STI, ayoko na mangyari ulit.” Kasi ang hirap, ang hirap talaga. Ayun.

Interview: so uhm, in verbal? For example, uhm, stigma, have you been discriminated? Rejected?

Uhm do you have worst experience for that?

Interviewee: sa stigma, wala naman. Basta yun lang yung nangyari dun sa ano, sa isa clan ko before

na yun nga, nagkaron ako ng… yun nga nung nagkaron ako ng TB before. Pero alam na nila yung

status ko, pinaaano na muna ako kasi nag disclose… eventually, nag disclose ako sa kanila sa ano,

sa group chat, sa group chat namin sabi ko, “guys meron akong gustong sabihin sa inyo. Ganyan

ganyan. Uhm, HIV positive ako. Ganyan ganyan.” So nagulat sila, nagulantang lahat. Eh ilan

kaming officers dun, sampu kami. Tas, nung nalaman nilang nagkaron ako ng… positive ako sa…

Interviewer: tests?

Interviewee: hindi, sa tb. Sabi ng isang officer, “Lean, mag pahinga ka muna. Wag ka muna mag

engage sa mga Grand EB. Grand EB is ano, ‘Grand Eyeball’ ng mga bisexual somewhere, basta
kung saan, dyan sa Cubao. Yan yung pinaka hideout ko dati: Cubao. Saka dito sa may Quezon

City din, sa may Trinoma. Yan ang mga getaway areas ko lang before. Pero ano naman, na-divert

narin siya. After 1 year nung nangyari yun.

Interviewer: So yung discrimination and rejection, experiences?

Interviewee: Uhm, meron yung rejection… may mga pagkakataon minsan ah, before, before yung

mga kapatid ko, naalala ko lang. siyempre ako kasi, syempre uhh… educator ako before dati,

educator ako. So, nagtuturo ako sa mga bata. Tapos nung naging trainer na ako, siyempre

gumagawa ako ng mga slideshows about HIV/AIDS. Ano siya, uhh, siyempre minsan pag

nagpupuyat ako, pinagagalitan ako dati pa ah yun yung mga… sabi nila, “kuya, may sakit ka na

nga, inom ka pa ng inom; gala ka pa ng gala.” So parang ano lang yun, parang feeling ko lang,

parang stigma lang. Pero kinabukasan wala na. Kasi yung mga kapatid ko, ano sila… yung tatlo

kong kapatid, kasi apat kaming lalaki, ako yung panganay. Aware sila sa mga nangyayari sa akin.

Yoon.

Interviewer: so ano lang… uhm light lang, light.

Interviewee: light lang ang stigma before pero na-divert na siya na ano… sasabihin nila na, “oh

kuya uminom ka na ng gamot, ganyan.” Naano siya, na-divert talaga siya.

Interviewer: so, second to the last question: how did you overcome this experience?

Interviewee: in-engage ko yung sarili ko sa community. Community na. yun nga yung sinasabi ko

sa inyo kanina, na I started from the bottom. I started as a volunteer of an organization. Unti-unti,

nakitaan… eto ah, di sa… di sa pag mamayabang, nakitaan nila ako ng potential. Potential to talk

to other people. So nag ano yan… nag jump in, jump in. yun, pinaaattend na ako ng mga meeting

sa regional, local, sa national. Minsan puro technical na tao ang kausap ko kaya naano sila, na…
eventually, malaki ang utang na loob ko dun sa ano, dun sa organization na yun kasi sila yung nag

push through talaga sakin. Sasabihin nila, “Oh Lean, punta ka dito, punta ka dito, punta ka dito.”

Kasi, dahil sa organization na yun… na-engage ako sa tatlong project pero specifically as

volunteers lang siya. Meron lang kaming small honorarium dun. So bali isa ako dun sa, uhh… sa

isang project namin sa Pilipinas Shell Foundation is ano lang, I am administrator of… if you are

aware of the PLHIV Response Center. Yung PLHIV Response Center kasi yun yung uhm,

facebook page ng organization naming na nag-cacater both positives and negatives. So doon cina-

cater lahat, both positive, negative kung ano man yung mga concern mo with regards to HIV /

AIDS. The second one is sa yung sa UNICEF project namin. UNICEF. Well, technically it’s a

nine months project. Patapos na yung mapping namin this march. So I am also a part of the

UNICEF project bilang empowered health… uhh, empowered health community outreach worker.

So ang mga target namin dito is mga batang PLHIV. Batang PLHIV saka mga mother… mga

babaeng PLHIV. And last, yun nga. I am the focal person. Ako yung humaharap sa national. Focal

person ng CBS. So, for Community Based Screening. So just to give you a background about what

is CBS, CBS is a Community Based Screening. It is, it is a non-laboratory set up. Non-laboratory

set up. So, nag iiscreen kami. So kahit saan pwede kaming mag screen. It’s different from the

Social Hygiene Clinic, ah. Guys, it’s different kasi sa clinic kasi, ano sila, testing sila. Kami,

screening. Kasi ang difference ng screening, kahit saan pwede kaming mag screen, anywhere.

Kahit sa cr, sa mall, sa fast food chain, kahit saan.

Interviewer: testing, in a specific place?

Interviewee: sa testing kasi, in a specific way, is that, uhh… laboratory set up siya. So isa ako dun

sa mga trained to screen. So, yun nga. Akala ko talaga mag iiscreen talaga ako. Ang nasa utak ko

nung sinabi sakin, “Text mo tong number na to. Ganyan ganyan.” I thought, isa… mag iiscreen
ako. So ang utak ko, nagulat ako, “puro studyante to, teka lang.” pero sabi ko, “okay lang sige,

walang problema.” Kasi nga hindi ko na dinala yung ano, bag ko. Tawag namin dun Dora the

Explorer bag eh. Kasi ang bigat talaga niya. Lahat ng gamit nandoon. So, yung sa organization na

yun. Well, I have to thank Pinoy Plus Advocacy Pilipinas Incorporated. So siya yung organization

ko na naka affiliate ako ngayon. Sila yung tumulong sakin to cope up from… in-engage talaga ako

nung mga, yung mga board namin doon saka yung mga officers namin doon to engage. Sabi nila,

“Lean, hindi pwedeng nasa baba ka lang lagi. You have to level up yourself to the next level kasi

nakikitaan ka naming ng potential at kaya mong humarap sa tao at kaya mong mag explain sa tao.

Malinaw ka mag explain sa mga tao.” Yun yung sinasabi nila pero ako, kunyari pag sinabi nilang,

„Lean, ikaw humarap dyan.” Syempre magugulat din ako, nasa opisina ako. Sasabihin ng board

naming, “Lean, ikaw humarap, ikaw humarap dyan.” Siyempre di na ako makakakibo. Mag

sasalita na ako nang magsasalita. So talagang… remember guys, di ganun kadali sa adbokasiya.

Kasi merong mga tao na nageengage lang sa adbokasiya because of the money matters.

Interviewer: mathematics?

Interviewee: money matters.

Interviewer: ah, money matters.

Interviewee: yan, meron yan. Totoo yan. Nine years in the experience working and dealing with

the community, may mga nag eengage sa community na pera lang ang habol. Remember, when

you engage sa community, whether may pera yan o wala, kailangan andun ka. Kasi meron kaming

tinatawag na… [incomprehensible] principle. [incomprehensible] principle is greater involvement

of person dealing with HIV. So that is the [incomprehensible] principle. So whether kahit may

pera, may project… may project, merong ganito, merong ganyan; nandiyan ka, nakainject ka.
Nakainject ka kahit may pera o wala. Inject ka. Kasi minsan ang nagiging perspective ng iba, on

the community ah, “bakit ako mag eengage? Magkakapera ba ako diyan? Matutulungan ba nila

ako? Diba. Meron kaming mga kasamaha on the community na since 1994 nasa organisasyon.

Lumubog, lumitaw ang organisasyon, may pera o wala, may project o wala; tuloy sila. Kaya yan

yun iniinject ko sa utak ko eh. Talagang, na talagang… sabi ko nga minsan kasi, minsan

dumarating yung point na… kasi as of today, nag hahanap na ako ng apprentice ko. Eventually,

boyfriend ko ngayon, yung boyfriend ko ngayon, siya na yung ano, tinuturuan ko kasi what if, wag

naman sana, diba may mangyari sakin or whatsoever, diba. At least meron mag papatuloy. Di

naman habang panahon andito kami eh. Di habang panahon andito ako. Siyempre mapapagod din

ako. Masasawa din ako. Pero yun nga, Im trying to inject on my mind na kahit anong mangyari,

hangga’t kaya ng katawan ko, hanggang kaya kong makipagusap sa mga tao, hanggang kaya kong

mag educate ng tao; gagawin ko. Yun nga lang, nag hahanap na ako ng mga taong may potential

din na kayang makipag sabayan. Kasi guys, when you are working in the advocacy, you will start

on the bottom. Dadaan ka sa proseso. Mag tratraining ka ng sandamakmak, ganyan ganyan. Ako

ganun ang nangyari sa akin. Happy ako kasi nag start ako from ano eh, from the bottom eh. Pinag

training ako ng ganito ganyan hanggang dumating ako sa national kasi hindi ganun kadali mag

engage sa adbokasiya kasi darating ang time na manghihinawa ka. Ako dumarating sa point na

minsan, sasabihin ko sa sarili na, “ayoko na pagod na ako. Pagod na pagod na ako.” Even though,

may nararamdaman ako internally, pero nag tatalo siya eh; puso, isip. Ang ininject ko lang sa utak

ko, “hindi, hindi ako pwedeng tumigil. Titigil lang ako pag meron na akong nakitang may mga

potential na kayang panindigan lahat ng sinasabi ko.“ Kasi ako minsan, may pagka sarcastic ako.

Sarcastic ako minsan. May pagka taklesa ako minsan pero nacocontrol ko naman siya depende

nalang dun sa sitwasyon kasi ang lagi kong sinasabi… lalo na kayong mga kabataan, tayong…
well, technically di na ako bata. [laughs] kayong mga kabataan, kayo ang kailangan namin. Kasi,

I’ll be turning 30 this, on Friday. Mag tretrenta na ako sa Friday. Sa Friday.

Interviewer: Friday? Belated sir!

Interviewee: sa Friday, sa Friday. Mag aano na ako, mag tre-trenta na ako. So, I’m no longer a part

of the youth sector. So nasa ano na ako, nasa anong stage na ako ng mga adolescence, adolescence.

Yun nga yung lagi kong iniiwan dun sa mga kabataan na tinuturuan ko kahit dun sa mga studyante.

Guys, please help us.

Interviewer: yes, sir.

Interviewee: kasi hindi naming kakayanin lalo dun sa mga medical professionals and ang style ko

kapag bumuga na ako ng mga salita ng derederetso… at the end of the ano, at the end of the story.

Sabi ko, ang hihilingin ko lang po sa inyo ay is that…

Interviewer: to continue.

Interviewee: to continue. Engage yung mga kabataan. Kasi, if you are going to take the HIV, uhh,

HIV registry, ang nadidiagnose ngayon… according to my… kasi yung ibang mga colleagues ko

nasa senate din kanina, is uhh, 20 to 34 years old daw. Pero, nakafocus kami ngayon kasi… ang

basis naming kasi is yung 2016 na registry na 15 to 24 years old. Kasi guys, ganito lang yan. Kasi

hindi namin kakayanin. Kayo na ang ano, kumbaga

Interviewer: tutuloy…

Interviewee: kumbaga from the national, kami na yung susunod tapos kayo na hanggang sa pinaka

ano na. well technically, ang biro nga sakin ng mga, mga kasamahan ko, lagi kong… uhh,

inireitirate yung mga kabataan, bakit? Kasi yung mga kabataan, sila yung
Interviewer: susi?

Interviewee: sila yung at risk eh. Sila yung mahilig mag explore. Let’s face the reality. Sila yung

mahilig gawin to, gawin yan, gawin dito,

Interviewer: curious…

Interviewee: curious, curiosity diba. Yung exploration. Remember, ang exploration kasi nyan

nagsisimula pag ikaw ay teenage, teenage yan hanggang ikaw ay 20… 25 or 26. Nag eexplore ka

eh. Hinahanap mo sarili mo eh. Kung nasaan ka eh. At the end of the discussion, yun ang lagi kong

sinasabi. Hindi naman naming kakayanin eh. Hindi kakayanin ng national, ng regional, ng local,

ng municipal. Kayo, kayong mga kabataan ang kailangan namin kasi hindi naman namin

kakayanin talaga. The government is doing all its best. Ginagawa din namin yung best namin.

Remember if you are going to take… kung makikinig kayo sa programa sa interventions ng

gobyerno. Napaka ganda. pag kakaroon ng problema, bababa. Kasi, hindi ganun kadali, hindi

ganun kasi…. I am part of the technical working group na nagdedevelop sa mga… I was part of

the technical working group ng DOH before. Before, nung mga way back 2000 nag develop kami

ng IEC material among the, uhh… transgenders and uhh, MSM. MSM is ‘Male having Sex with

Male.’ So talagang paduguan ng ulo yun. Duguan ng ulo yun. Sobrang matindi ang pinagdaanan

ko nun, halos talagang… ang biruan namin halos sumuka ng dugo talaga dun sa… syempre, most

of the… lalo na kung sa community about sa MSM and TGs, icacategorize mo yan. May mga ano,

mga basis yan eh. Dapat yung lenggwaheng gagamitin mo maiintindihan nila. Lalo na dun sa rural

and urban. Kasi, tandaan nyo ah, meron… uhh, if you are aware of yung mga baklang canal. Ang

mga baklang canal di mo pwedeng pakitaan ng mga sensitive na pictures kasi meron kaming

naging kasama dun, ni-raise yan, “sir hindi naming pwede ipakita yung mga worst pictures. Pano

naming ile-lay down sa kanila?” ako alam nyo sa totoo lang. as far as I want to layman the terms,
ginagawa ko. Kasi minsan kasi, pag masyadong technical, lalo na kayo kung… kung mapapansin

nyo duns a conversation natin, minsan nag sesegway, nagsesegway ako ng technical pero I’m

trying my best naman na maintindihan nyo yung situation eh. Kasi, I don’t know, siguro ganun na

talaga ako. Di ko ma… yung style ko na ganun pero I’m trying my best na mapaintindi sa inyo,

mairealize sa inyo na, this is not my problem, this is not the problem of the government, problema

nating lahat to. We have to work hand to hand. So yun.

PLWHA #4:

Interviewer: So game sir? Ready?... So question number 1 for you sir, when did you know that

you have this kind of condition?

Interviewee: Uhmm…2016

Interviewer: 2016.

Interviewee: Actually kamamatay lang ng mother ko non, October, my mother died October.

During the week meron na kong parang symptoms, so isang symptoms na na-acquire ko uhm…sa

bibig, sabi ko ano tong mga white white spot ganyan ganyan, yun so nabother na ko di ko muna

pinapansin tapos syempre week nga ng mommy ko so pinalipas ko muna yun bago ko inasikaso

yung sarili ko ganyan ganyan so after nung okay na yung mommy ko na-settle na sya, ako na

nagpunta na ko ng EMP so I went to UST November 5, November 5 yon, pagkakita palang ng

doctor sa UST finding sabi nya have you check yourself tested, sabi ko tested with what? That

three letter words, sabi ko no! never! Ganun yung reaksyon ko, sabi nya I’ve been to a lot of places

Internation..ganun ganyan pagkakita ko palang I know sa.. I know na sabi nya, ng doctor, sabi nya

pacheck ka sabi nya, edi syempre ako parang una natakot ako diba, kasi nga mamaya tama sya or

mali ako diba, sabi nya pag tama ako babayaran mo ko ng doble sa hinihingi kong talent fee yung
kada check-up na 800 pero pag mali ako ililibre kita sabi nyang ganun, Okay deal, tapos November

5 nag sink-in sakin, November 5, November 6,7,8,9,10, exactly November 10, I surrender

myself…charot, Naghanap ako ng HIV testing then I found out this anglo, anglosasyo, so I went

there, suppostedly kasama ko yung sister ko na… nagca-call center din kaya lang nakatulog sya

pero I’m on the way na so ako nalang mag-isa nagpunta, eager ako nalaman kung ano ba? Imagine

after 5 days nag-sink in sakin sabi ko sige go, then yun nga na sa anglo na ko, naghihintay ako ng

number, Oh number ganyan, random number eh, so nung tinawag na yung number ko, pumunta

na ko dun sa lab sa testing area, prier to testing meron namang mga counselling, yes bago ka

kuhanan, merong life coach na magco-counsel sayo na this is ganyan, this is ganyan, this is…

ahh…mga STD or HIV ganyan ganyan ganyan…Okay sige sige sige and explain and explain what

if two lines means positive reactive, one line negative or non-reactive, okay sige sige, sabi ko sige

game na inaaway ko pa nga kase gay din yung nagfa-facilitate, una kinuhanan nya ko dito so kinlik

ganyan, yun na tinusok lang tapos nilagay sya sa parang nilagay sa sa parang pregnancy test kit

then may pinatak sya, ready ka na ba?, sabi ko ano na pakita mo na sakin…sabi ko whatever the

result is positive or negative go…ayun nga nakita ko two lines so positive, inexplain sakin so

ganito yan positive ka…positive ka sa HIV 1 and 2…then to confirm kinuhanan nya…kinuhan

nya ko ng blood dito tapos same day siguro 20 minutes after clicking tapos pumunta ulit kami sa

loob iniwanan nya ako yon, ayun nga still positive then kinausap ko na yung doctor…inexplain

naman sakin ganun ganyan, so ano pakiramdam mo ganyan ganyan sabi ko—initial reaction ko

umiyak ako kasi feeling ko kamamatay lang ng mother ko October then the following month na-

acquire ko to… sabi ko doc hanggang kalian, sabi ko—ganun yung mga iniisip ko…kasi I have so

many friends na who died also in AIDS…so feeling ko takot talaga yung unang nagsink-in sakin,

sabi nya may mga gamot naman may way naman bla bla bla bla bla bla…ayun tapos tinawagan
ko na yung kapatid ko…sabi ko sis punta ka dito, dito ko sa clinic then sumunood naman

sya…nung nakita ko yung kapatid ko sabi ko—yinakap ko nalang it means alam na nya…. ayon.

Interviewer: Next question po, so what was your initial reaction after knowing that you have this

kind of condition, ano po yung naging reaction nyo nung ano kakalabas palang nung result parang

ano po yung naging pinaka una nyong naging reaksyon na lungkot—na ano ba kayo? Naiyak or

basta yung pinaka reaction nyo po?

Interviewee: Actually nung November 10 nga nung nagpatest ako…more on takot kasi ganun yung

ano eh initial reaction mo syempre HIV ano bang kasunod nyan AIDS which di naman nagagamot

so ganun lang takot lang umiyak lang ako…

Interviewer: So proceed to the next question sir, so question number 3 sir, how doid you accept

yourself positively after knowing that you’re an HIV /AIDS positive? Pano nyo po inaccept yung

sarili nyo in a positive way?

Interviewee: Wala inaccept ko lang sya, pagkauwi ko ng bahay iniyak ko lang ng bonggang bongga

yon acceptance, follow.

Interviewer: Have you tried counseling with others for example uhm you have cooperate sa mga

uhm people na meron kayong ah merong the same condition with you parang makapag-usap lang

kayo minomotivate nyo yung each other…

Interviewee: No wala pa wala hindi pa ko exposed sa mga ganon and then ako narin mismo eh

belong sa ganon so yun nga acceptance lang uumm…

Interviewer: Question number 4 sir? So how did the people that you are close with, for example

your family, your bestfriends treated you?

Interviewee: Ayan medyo mahirap yang part nayan…actually sa family, immediate family ko

dalawa lang kaming magkapatid so syempre sa kapatid ko the rest sa mga close friends ko na…so

alam nila eh alam nila even though nasa ibang bansa sila, naguusap naman kami facebook ganon

ganyan… ang sinabi ko nalang may random test sa converge list na kailangang magpatest, hindi

ko sinabing sa sarili ko mismo yon, so nung sa mga friends ko nung sinabi kong halimbawa, girl

let’s talk ganyan ayaw nila akong kausapin until dun sa group naming… nireveal ko na, oo meron

kaming group chat, siguro mga 20 person kami don so parang isang—kwentuhan lang, so parang

isang sabihan nalang, sabi nya we have already a hint kaya ayaw kitang kausapin kagabi kasi nga

feeling ko yun nga itong sasabihin mo…yun…then…pano ba to ayaw kong balikan kasi yung…

Interviewer: Okay lang po sir just express yourself sir ah walang pong aano sa inyo just…

Interviewee: Ayun ba yung ano not waded? Ayan… so ayun na nga inaccept naman nila sabi nya

kaya mo yan kaya mo yan I’m just here for you…

Interviewer: So inaccept ka rin po nila?

Interviewee: Uumm…then…things have change…siguro—siguro uhm 1 week, 1 week when I

told them my status…nung naramdaman ko na… na 1 week walang pm kasi usually ano lang kami

out of the blue ano na? ano na? ganun lang pm pm namin eh tapos nanotice ko 1 week wala! Okay,

sabi ko I isolate myself hindi sa iniwasan nila ako, parang ano pa man, ako talaga yung umiwas sa

kanila, ako na yung…inalis ko na yung sarili ko kasi nga kesa ako pa yung iwanan diba total kaya

ko naman eh diba kung ayaw niyo saken wala akong dahilan gustuhin kayo so…

Interviewer: At the first place inaccept nila kayo then…

Interviewee: Nalaman nila, binigay ko yung totoo kasi nga as—kaibigan ko sila eh nung time

nayun eh so they deserve to know diba?

Interviewer: Pero po uhm things have change 1 week before that na…

Interviewee: OO…Sinabi ko sa kanila nanotice ko ako na mismo yung nag-isolate ng sarili ko

so…

Interviewer: So next question sir, diba tinanong kop o kayo kanina sa number 4 na uhm how did

the people that you are close with treated you uhm sa question number 5 how about those who are

not, yung mga hindi nyo naman po kakilala for example ah..ah..ano nyo lang po parang katrabaho

ah parang hindi po masyadong close sa inyo pero po kakilala nyo pano po kayo tinreat yung

kunyare ah kami po ah alam po naming na may condition kang ganto uhm…

Interviewee: Actually sa workplace nobody knows that I have, never, hindi naman kailangan eh

ang nakaka-off lang halimbawa minsan kasi meron akong mga tita na… sasabihin sa neighbor nila

na oy yung kapatid ni ganyan is a victim ng ano HIV bla bla bla na out of the blue nalalaman ko

nalang din so yun lang yung mga hindi kagandahan other than that wala naman na… wala naman

na.

Interviewer: So question number 6 sir, what is your worst experience in life since you have been

diagnose or carried the condition of HIV/AIDS ano po yung worst experience na nangyari sainyo

as a carrier…

Interviewee: Actually wala, I’m gonna make kwento again…

Interviewer: Sige sir go.

Interviewee: Back November 10 when I found out… hindi ako agad, syempre nung nalaman ko

na na ako na…na ganun na ko so nirequire akong ipa-x-ray, ipacheck yung dumi, ihi…mga spot

test, para pag naclear ka na don iissuehan ka ng ERV yun yung—that’s the only med kasi para sa
mga cases like that… so hindi ako nagpasa so sabi ko November yon dumating yung December,

January, February, March, April, five months passed, sabi ko wala naman pala eh… kaya ko naman

pala eh…eh mili daw ako pito eh three letters ka lang HIV ka lang…edi yun nga tapos later that

summer of last year… eto magugulat kayo, yung left eye ko, left eye…nanotice ko nagbublurred,

nagbublurred sabi ko pag tinakpan ko yung right eye, wala akong makita sa left sabi ko oh my god

kinausap ko na yung life coach ko, yung doctor ko, Doc what’s happening? Parang blurred di ako

makakita, ano bang ginawa mo? Sabi sakin… don pumunta na ko sa kanila ulit so inulit ko

nanaman inulit ko yung request na binibigay nila sakin na x-ray CBC yung urine yung dumi, yon…

so ginawa ko lahat nung clear na ko pinasa ko na that was June, June 10, ang weird nga eh

nadiagnose ako November 10 nagpasa ako ng requirements ko June 10, diba may pattern, so nung

clear sabi ko umabot lang ako ng ARV yung sa gamot naming masayang masaya na ako, although

accept ko naman everybody can die whether may case kang ganito like may sakit ka or wala lahat

tayo mamamatay, you never know diba so yun na pinasa ko na yung requirements ko, awa ng

Diyos ilang months yon from November since I’ve known na carrier ako, buo pa pala yung lamang

loob ko so nung pinasa ko na inisyahan ako ng ARV pak pak pak *clap*okay clear clear yung

baga clear and everything, congratulations, eto na yung iniintay mong ARV stage, finally nung

moment na yon June 10 nakuha ko yung gamot masaya na ko non, yung gamot na pangkontra sa

sakit na yon.

Interviewer: Ah…Okay sir have you—nakaexperience po ba kayo ng uhm discrimination or

rejection sa iba kunyare diniscriminate po ba nila kayo since you have this kind of condition or

have you been rejected sa kunyare, uhm sa mga hospitals kase may ganto po kayong conditions…

Interviewee: Ah yes recently, last year parang nagpalpitate ako so yung samin kasi nearest

hospital… parang first aid lang hindi ganun sya kabig hospital na alam natin, so dun ako dinala ng
kapatid ko so syempre natataranta yung kapatid ko sinabi nya excuse me, sinabi nya dun sa nurse,

sa head nurse na my brother is ah… HIV carrier, next scene I know tinatransfer na ko, what the ef

diba? Sabi ko sa kapatid ko, bakit? May pera ko hindi ako makahinga ilalabas mo ko agad kasi

alam mong ganito ko? So ayun na nagpantig tenga ko, sabi nya kuya halika na calm down sabi ng

kapatid ko, so sige pumunta kami sa san lazaro na nagcacater sa hospital—sa san lazaro hospital

na nagcacater din sa mga cases like me, specialty nila yun eh,so dun lang actually naghyper

ventilate lang ako eh nag OA lang, nag OA lang ako nung time na yon so nagpanic din ako syempre

anything comes to my mind eh kasi alam kong I’m sick diba? Nagulat ako syempre may hospital

pawi nga whatever breathing, oo hospital agad, so yun lang yun lang yung part na sinasabi kong

question dyan na discriminate na sobrang tumatak sakin other than that wala, oo.

Interviewer: So second to the last question sir, proceed? So how did you overcome this ezperience?

Pano nyo po inovercome yung experience nyo na diba nga po sinabi nyo nga po na nireject po

kayo sa hospital na ganon or yung mga worst experience nyo po pano nyo inovercome?

Interviewee: Actually hindi ko sila pinansin, case to case lang like yung sa hospital issue yun nga

hindi man nila sabihin but I can feel and I know they reject me kasi nga diba…

Interviewer: trabaho po nila yon…

Interviewee: oo or… ayaw nilang maiwanan ng…ng bakas na ganyan ganyan—natatakot din sila

diba maybe they don’t know how to handle cases like me diba yun lang yung stigma actually na

nakuha ko in my entire two years of being you know… other than that wala wala acceptance

inaccept ko lang wala naming nakaka-offend sa akin.

Interviewer: Have you tried counseling sir? Uhh uhm have tried—ay nung inovercome nyo po ba

yung mga experience na to tinry nyo po bang makipagcounsel sa iba? Or have you tried na ah

uhmm na parang more faithful parang nagdasal po kayo lalo tas naging faithful po kayo kay God?

Interviewee: Hindi ako dumaan ng counseling, although inamin ko na may times na dumaan ako

sa depression kasi I’m living alone in my condo now even before when I know na yun nga na

meron ako non ako lang mag-isa, yon depression lang depression until one day, syempre nung…

a..a..accepted ko naman eh na ganun na ko kasi di ka tatanggapin ng mundo kung ang sarili mo

hindi mo tatanggapin mismo, diba? Hindi mo makukuha yung acceptance nung iba, sayo muna

manggaling diba? Hindi ka makakahingi so yun nga nung inaccept ko na okay nagsink-in sakin

okay sige okay eto na ko diba? Binuksan ko yung mata ko like yung mga groups na hakji na mga

may cases din katulad nung sakin then.. then this group nag-anniversary sila kung san belong dun

si ano, nag-anniversary sila and they invited me, pagpunta ko dun sa venue everybody welcomed

me, so dun ko nafeel na hindi pala ako nag-iisa in this journey actually yun lang pare-pareho lang

kami diba yun lang…at least alam ko na I’m not alone in this battle…

Interviewer: So you cope-up with uhm this negative experience na yun nga po sinabi nyo po samin

na nagjoin po kayo ng group na alam nyo na naaaccept kayo…

Interviewee: That was the first time na inexpose ko na yung sarili ko…

Interviewer: On going po ba—still on going pa po yon ngayon yung nakikibagsabak pa po kayo

sa…

Interviewee: Ah yes oo like last year merong Christmas party kasi pag sa group na yon magiging

member ka eh…exclusively sa mga cases like us so ayon basta masaya lang ayon were like a

family…
Interviewer: That’s good sir life goes on nga diba…

Interviewee: Yung iba bumibitaw na, yung iba naging undetectable like me, kasi last December..

Interviewer: Ay undetectable na po kayo ngayon?

Interviewee: Yes oo diba nga kinwento ko sayo, last December ah I have my viral load test kasi

kailan bako nagstart ng ARV balikan ko lang ah?

Interviewer: Sige lang po sir.

Interviewee: ARV nagstart ako June 10 so six months after June 10, June 10…June 10, 2017, June,

July, August, September, October, November, December, six months, so December last year I had

my first viral load dun sa viral load na yon makikita or malalaman kung effective yung ARV mo

yung medicine na paqra sa mga HIV like me, so kinuhanan ako ng dugo, I went to the same clinic

kung saan ako na-diagnose noon sa anglosasyo kasi meron silang viral load test, may CD4 test…so

ayun na I paid 950 kasi di naman sya cover ng Philhealth naming… ayun kinuhanan ako ng isang

tube tapos ang result nya February any time ng February, so nung nag-refill ako ng medicine ko I

ask the receptionist regarding to my viral load test result then yun nga binigay sakin… then luckily

ininterpret sakin nung nurse dun sa anglo kung ano yung result…sabi nya alam mo… miss Emily

sa mga test na ginawa naming dito sa anglo, yung sayo ang pinaka best result ever, I..i..imagine in

a span of six months tinalo mo, inelbow mo ang HIV, hindi ko alam kung anong kapangyarihan

ang meron ka bakit ganun kadali eh pinatulog mo sya, Congrats, kinongrats nila ko at naiyak ako,

actually yung test na…yung test…yung result test naundetectable na ko It’s like uhm kahit

magpaHIV test ako ulet sa iba, I’m sure they can’t find out na Hiv positive ako (dati) hangagng

ngayon, siguro kung magpapatest ako sa iba ngayon baka lumabas pa don negative kasi nga I was

expecting 50 copies at least pero yung sakin 1 or 2 copies my god kasi when you say 50 copies
that is the safest I mean tulog na yung virus yung sakin walang percentage as in totally

patay…patay agad diba ano bang meron ako bakit tinalo ko sya agad considering yung left eye ko

diba pero yung left eye ko nakaschedule ako for operation kasi nga yung.. yung…(anytime now)

yung left eye ko kasi is outside of my Illness, sabi ng doctor ko sa UST, so iba yung doctor ko sa

clinic and HIV positive, yung sa mata ko ang findings nila *cough* excuse me…retinal

reattachment so kailangan tong operahan para idikit yung natanggal na ring sa mata natin na

nagcocover sa gitna ng lid ko sa loob ng mata that cause my blindness so anytime now pwede

naman akong operahan lalo na undetectable nako kaya na ng katawan ko…

Interviewer: That’s good sir ah ang galing sir first time…

Interviewee: Diba imagine in 6 months…

Interviewer: Tapos nagulat rin po ako ah na ngayon lang rin po ako nakarinig ng ano ka

undetectable…that good sir…

Interviewee: In the battle of six months June 10 ako…

Interviewer: Yun pa yung kakaiba pa don kasi six months lang po yung …

Interviewee: kaya nga sinabi ko diba may motion ka kanina ng HIV or AIDS, sabi ko hindi ako

AIDS infact undetectable na ko wag kang excited diba ginanun kita diba naggive ako ng smiley…

Interviewer: Kala ko kasi ang pagkakaintindi AIDS sabi eh hindi po…

Interviewee: Nooo…

Interviewer: Sorry po namis-interpret po naming… so ayun po sir salamat po sa time na binigay

nyo po sa amin ngayon sir sa story nyo po na binigay nyo po samin ngayon sir It was so in..
ano..ah.. nainspire po ako sa.. aminin ko po sa sarili muntik nap o ako maiyak kanina kasi sir

unbelievable yung story nyo sir…

Interviewee: Bakit unbelievable?

Interviewer: Parang sir parang sir kakaiba lang, you’re one of the… one of the … undetectable na

galing sa gantong kalalang condition from being undetectable sir that’s uhm parang kakaiba

eh…yung nainterview po naming kahapon isipin nyo po 10 years nya pong ano… dinadala yung

HIV…

Interviewee: Ano nang status nya ngayon if may I ask?

Interviewer: Ay ngayon sir di nya pa po sinasabi bat sir he’s an advocate kasi sir eh anon a po sya

parang uhm..

Interviewee: Okay eto sya not detected so hindi mo sya madetect in the battle of six months wow

nagulat talaga ko…

PLWHA #5

Interviewer: So, to start sir, first question, when did you know that you have this kind of condition?

Interviewee: I knew my status back November of 2015, I was at Abu Dhabi, I was about to change

my VISA to employment VISA so I’ve had it first na mag pa check ako privately kasi doon once

na nagpa … I mean once you’re test would turn out positive and then yung company yung nag

send sayo to such clinic or diagnostic center and if it will turn out positive then you might be

subject for the pertation so what I did was nagpacheck lang ako, nagpacheck lang ako doon with

my close friend which with on the medical field so it turned out reactive, yes so by that .. that
pushed me to book my flight going back here in the Philippines A.S.A.P otherwise I would be

deported *laughs*

Interviewer: Ok sir, Proceed to the next question? So question number two, what was your initial

reaction after knowing that you have this kind of condition?

Interviewee: Still in shock, State of shock, Well .. somehow we can’t deny the fact na once you’ll

be turned out positive, uhm…

Interviewer: Fear?

Interviewee: The fear is there, I mean magugulat ka at some point because how come you have

that despite naman na you’re healthy and then … initial reaction, ayun depressed ka because at

some point you have to go back home because you can no longer stay there … I mean you’ll be

losing a two year contract … supposedly there, so I mean you know that na may masasayang at

some point it broke your dream but life wouldn’t stop there ..

Interviewer: Yup, life goes on right?

Interviewee: Exactly

Interviewer: So, how did you accept yourself positively after knowing that you are an HIV/AIDS

positive? Paano nyo po naacept yung sarili nyo in a positive way?

Interviewee: It’s a life long process I should say, I haven’t had fully accepted myself being an HIV

positive but I’m just taking it one day at a time, once step at a time, because I mean it’s very

sarcastic it’s very ironic na sasabihin mo lang na tanggap ko na ang sarili ko though acceptance

talaga is one of the keys to have a positive outlook in life and one good thing is that I’ve had a

very supportive family, I have a very good circle of friends so I mean friends on the same status
so they know what I’m going through something like that so I could get a piece of advice from

them so yes, so ayun.

Interviewer: So ano po uhm, sabi nyo po na hindi nyo pa po na fufully accept ….

Interviewee: Yes, I mean step by step process, pero you’re getting there naman …

Interviewer: One step at a time

Interviewee: So how did the people that you are close with for example your family, best friends

treated you?

Interviewee: Ok …

Interviewer: Paano po nila kayo trineat after uhm diba po uhm na diagnosed po about the

HIV/AIDS condition pano po nila kayo trinato?

Interviewee: Actually at first yung family ko … because I was confined twice kasi when I got

home from Abu Dhabi November of 2015 yun I haven’t submitted myself into treatment right

away, so … November of 2015 I got home from Abu Dhabi, wala because when I was on Abu

Dhabi I met .. I met this guy he is half Russian half Ukranian who’s based in Bali, Indonesia so he

turned out positive also, HIV positive also however when he asked, ang sabi nya oh what’s your

condition? So Sinabi ko sakanya na .. the same case with him and then sabi nya no, it’s not true

ang sabi nya uhm actually the virus is just not true, it’s not true then sabi ko how come that it isn’t

true when there’s too many people died because of HIV/AIDS complication related diseases or

something like that, sabi niya actually those people died, those victims, those so called HIV/AIDS

patients they died not because of HIV, not because of AIDS but because of complications, let’s

say most common would be Pneumonia, Pneumonia as well as ..

Interviewer: Tuberculosis

Interviewee: Yes, uhm … liver problems as well as kidney sabi ko why is that so? Later did I find

out that the ARV I don’t think that you’re familiar with ARV, antiretroviral medication. The ones

that you are taking to suppress the virus it’s not the medicine but it’s a *inaudible* to suppress the

virus

So, with that, sabi niya its very strong daw that the kidney or the liver would somehow be damaged

on a longer use because as I have said, grabe yung compound ng ARV na yun. So, most of those

patients died because of liver problems, kidney problems. Kumbaga, uhm, kasi once na bumigay

si kidney or si liver mo, ganun mamatay ka but somehow, uhm, because technically kasi I knew it

na hindi nakakamatay si HIV and then si AIDS. The thing is you’re just gonna die because of the

opportunistic infection dun si, uhm, si TB, si pneumonia. So mostly yung mga iba, they died

because of pneumonia…

Interviewer: yung mga grabeng sakit…

Interviewee: Oo, actually HIV, I mean AIDS, if your CD4 went down, below 200 so…

Interviewer: mas madali na pumasok..

Interviewee: AIDS na yung tawag sa condition na yun because… siguro kasi yung stigma dun

before, it’s a common knowledge din before na somehow pag sinabing HIV, AIDS na agad.

Although before yan din yung perception ko. Yan din ang pagkakaalam ko when I was still a non-

reactive individual. So, with that, I knew din that once your CD4 went down below 200 so the

condition is already AIDS. So, with that, mas madali nang kapitan ng sakit. So, that’s why uhm,

we are somehow called as ‘immuno-compromised.’ May problema na si immunity or si immune

system namin. So, with that, ano ba nga ba yung question?

Interviewer: Uhm, your family, sir? What are the comments of your family? Have they treated

you, did they accept you or did they discriminate you?

Interviewee: On that note naman, uhm, kasi as I have said a while ago, when I arrived here in the

Philippines, I didn’t submit myself to treatment. So, I went back to work as if nothing had happened

because I’m connected to a family corporation so when I asked my mom, sabi ko, “Ma, pasundo

po ako sa airport tomorrow. I’ll be arriving tomorrow, 10 o’clock at NAIA 1. So, ayun. I arrived

and then pinasundo ako sa driver. So, the next day I went to the office hanggang sa ayun. I…

parang pabalik balik na ako ng office hanggang sa January the next year… ayun na umupo na ako

ulit sa office. I got back to work and then wala. Yung friend ko, getting back to my friend is half

Russian, half Ukrainian is based in Bali then sabi nya, “I have a friend who is diagnosed for having

an HIV for… and he’s living now. I mean really as in very healthy like healthy body and then he’s

not into treatment.” Then sabi ko, “how come he’s still alive despite 20 years.” I mean malaking

bagay na yun because I knew then na once di ka makapag treatment, si CD4 mo bababa and then

dun na mas madali kang kapitan ng mga sakit. So, on that note sabi niya, because in Bali daw,

there are… I mean meron sila dun gamot. Their taking it. I don’t know if you’ve heard that, ‘Red

Fruit Padwa.’ Red fruit padwa. It’s very good for the immune system and ayun. Sabi niya, “if

ever…” kasi it’s my first time also to, ano, hear such, uhm… fruit like that. Then sabi niya, uhm…

if he gets back to Bali, he’ll gonna send me some of those, uhm… somehow gamot na yun or

supplements na yun. And he did naman after several… kasi nauna na siya umuwi sakin. And then

after that umuwi na rin ako. And then when he got home in Bali, we’ve had a very constant

communication via email. So ayun. So he sent me bottles, I think, bottles of… three bottles if I’m

not mistaken. So I took it for around 3 to 4 months. And then later did I found out that it’s not yet,

uhm, available here in the Philippines. Hanggang sa… summer of 2016, if I remember it so well,
uhm… nalaman ko na somehow available siya here in the Philippines. The thing is it’s not puro

because yung sa Indonesia talaga galing is pure siya. Uhm, I don’t know if nakita nyo na sa TV

yung Guamera mix something like that. So, it has… pero hindi na siya pure red fruit padwa. So

may mga wheat grass something na siya, may mga [inaudible] grass something like that so I took

it and then hanggang sa uhm last quarter of 2016 I develop this severe cough kasi that time I was

in the denial stage talaga na ayaw ko maniwala that I’m positive because before when I was in

Abu Dhabi I met someone naman sabi nya uhm maybe naging reactive yung sa anti-body… HIV

anti-bodies mo is you’re a bit stressed out because once na ganun daw baka naapektuhan yung

mga ganun that’s why it turned out positive. Sabi nya when you get home try to have another test

because uhm they’ve had an experience na before na dun daw positive siya and then when he got…

I mean the patient got home it turned out, uhm, negative naman daw. Then sabi ko… okay so that

time I was really in the denial stage. I don’t wanna believe that I’m positive because somehow it

would crush down my life, my dreams something like that. Hanggang sa, I mean sa last quarter ng

2015, 2016 rather. I’ve developed that severe cough hanggang sa, uhm, that lead to laryngitis.

Gasgas na yung lalamunan ko ; I’ve lost my voice for around 2 months. So the time, I’ve had an

x-ray and then yung findings dun for [incomprehensible] view ako. Kailangan, kumbaga mas ma-

zoom in. may part na kailangan mas ifocus yung machine kasi there’s something wrong parang

nag mumuka siyang PTB. So, the time, sabi ko… parang natatakot ako kasi, I mean diba before

then, nag research ako kagad about PTB. So it’s really fatal because even Manuel Quezon died

because of PTB complications hanggang sa… ayun. After almost a month perhaps, if remembered

so well, dun ako nag decide na I would have an [incomprehensible] view for me to find out kung

ano talaga yun hanggang sa ayun. After several days, I got the result hanggang sa… pinacheck ko

yung lalamunan ko kasi wala na talaga akong voice that time and I thought it was just normal na
… am I right, the term is ‘pamamanta’? yung wala kang… paos. All right, so with that, I thought

it was just paos that it will gonna… my voice will be back after 2 or 3 days, but it wasn’t. So, after

2 weeks ganun parin, wala pa din akong voice hanggang sa… when I chat my doctor. When I went

to my doctor, uhm, pinakita ko yung… what do you call this, yung results. Sabi niya ano, sabi

niya, “This is just pneumonia. It’s not PTB.” So ayun, then, I was confined and then… denial stage

pa rin ako kasi I’ve had a lined up test pero yung iba di ko na pinagawa. So I decided then, after

kong lumabas sa hospital, I went home sa Mindanao. Oo, because I’m from Mindanao talaga.

Hanggang sa… after that, uhm, I thought… I thought talaga matagal yung gamutan for pneumonia.

Then, wala pa din yung voice ko. Sabi ko, “Howcome?” hanggang sa, after that… 2 or 3 weeks

after, if I’m not mistaken, uhm, tawag neto… sinugod ako sa hospital although I met another doctor

dun sa province. So, at the time alam ko na yung case ko na I’m positive.

Interviewer: Nakakaramdam na po kayo?

Interviewee: Oo, kasi somehow… my body is somehow… I mean, it’s kinda dragging me down

na rin hanggang sa, ayun. Then, inano nya ako kasi I’ve had another x-ray. Then, sabi… she asked

me about my sex life. At the time I was so confident naman na I hadn’t had, uhm, sexual intercourse

that year kasi yun nga, I came home from Abu Dhabi and when I knew my status, di na ako nag…

I hadn’t done the thing na. So, after that, so ayun. Then after several days, naconfine ako. I was

rushed into the hospital around early morning, 3 o’clock if I’m not mistaken. Then ayun, then

another test, uhm, x-ray something like that. And then on that very morning, my doctor went to

me, sabi niya, “Can I talk to you personally?” then sabi ko, “You sure?” hanggang sa sabi niya,

“Kasi may nakita kami sa dugo mo.” I don’t know if it was just being… I mean it was just a reverse

side or what for me to somehow submit myself into HIV testing. Hanggang sa after that, then sabi

ko, “Oh sige po.” But I haven’t disclosed it that I’ve had a test when I was in Abu Dhabi. So, it’s
as if I’ve pretended lang na that would be my first time to be tested something like that. Hanggang

sa, ayun sabi niya, “If you’re willing na magpatest, pupunta ka dito… I mean, may pupunta sayo

dito later to assist you with all those stuff hanggang sa… yung chief nurse yata nung hospital, nung

hospital na yun. Yun yung pumupunta sakin from time to time to check about ganun ganun.

Hanggang sa yung… basta yung mga ganun na mga stuff so, hanggang sa they’ve extracted my

blood and then sabi niya, “If ever daw na it will be… I mean turn out na positive, uhm, submit

daw ako sa treatment.” Gumanon ako. Then sabi ko, “San po ba yung available na treatment?”

because then, I didn’t know na may mga treatment hubs pala, na may gamot pala. And then, sabi

niya, “Meron tayo dito sa lugar natin.” Then sabi ko, “Ayoko dito if ever.” Sabi niya, “Why?” sabi

ko, “I’m after the stigma.” Because lalo na if you’re living in a province, the stigma is really there.

Unlike, pag dito ka na sa Manila which is… the place is much bigger than in the province, people

are more - what do you call this one? - educated, are more open when it comes to this virus.

Hanggang sa, ayun nga. I turned out positive. Hanggang sa ayun. Then the next step would be CD4

count. CD4 count. So, that should be tested so ayun. So, they extracted me again another blood

sample. And then, the next day yata, if I’m not mistaken or on that afternoon, I got my CD4 count.

So, sabi ko, so uhm… kasi kinausap nila ako that time na I turned out positive so sabi niya, “But

fear not, because uhm, maraming ganyan yung case and their health is something like that.”

Talagang sabi ko, okay hanggang sa when, ayun. When they’ve extracted me blood again for my

CD4 count, so ayun. Pumunta na siya kasi siya talaga yung nagbibigay talaga sakin ng results ko.

Sabi ko, uhm, “Ano po ba yung CD4 count ko?” Sabi niya, “Actually, uhm, your CD4 count was

just 4.” Gumanon siya. 4! 1, 2, 3, 4! As in sobrang baba because sinayang ko talaga yung more

than a year and then, ayun. So, I was really melancholic na naman at that time. I was really
depressed because sabi ko, “Oh my god, I would gonna die now?” I mean, ganun yung perception

ko na agad because way back 2013, if I’m not mistaken again, one of my colleagues died.

Interviewer: He died?

Interviewee: Oo.

Interviewer: Because of HIV/AIDS?

Interviewee: Yun yung narinig ko. Yun yung narinig ko before. Kasi he’s gay, he’s gay also. And

then, the very day na nag absent na siya from work, wala na kaming balita. Although we’ve heard

na nasa San Lazaro siya. I haven’t known, or I haven’t realized then that San Lazaro pala is

somehow yun yung mga place mostly, most of the people like us na-coconfine dun dinadala

otherwise, sa may RIP. I don’t know if you’ve known or you’re familiar with the several treatment

hubs here in Metro Manila. So, mostly ganun, dun dinadala. So that time, dinala na siya dun. And

then, we’ve heard nalang na naka ICU na siya something like that. He started his absence…

August, if I’m not mistaken, August. Hanggang sa nasa ICU na talaga siya. Hanggang sa namatay

siya, November. So, when I turned out positive, siya’t na siya kagad yung ginawa kong benchmark.

Siya kagad yung naisip ko eh. I can’t think of anyone who died of such virus or such complication.

And when I… I mean, ayun na. Siya kagad yung inisip ko. Sabi ko, “Oh my god, I mean I can’t

afford to stay in the hospital or rather stay in ICU for around 3 to 4 months.” I mean somehow

ganun na kaagad yung inisip ko siguro naging… mabilis nalang yung utak ko that I would gonna

die and then I can’t afford to stay in the hospital or in the ICU for 3 to 4 months. Inisip ko na kagad

na if ever I mean, yung babayaran sa hospital something like that because at the time I was at a

private hospital so iniisip ko talaga yun. And at the time kasi, yung officemate namin na yun na

namatay, from time to time pumupunta sa… I mean, may from the family pumupunta sa office,
nag-aask for some help, something like that. And then, sabi ko, “Oh my god.” I mean, I rather die

I mean that’s why I became suicidal oo because you know that because technically ayoko sanang

I disclose sa family ko yung status ko

Interviewer: so hindi pa po na nila

Interviewee: supposedly that time hanggang sa ayun na when yung sinabi na ng nurse doctor ko

yung ganun I confess it naman sa family ko then sabi ko they want me they want me to what do

you call this one submit my self into hiv testing muna then sabi nila “okie” then ayun when it

turned out positive so I talk to my mom I talk to my ate and to my brother in law sabi ko im so

sorry that I turned out positive then I thought that time it would goanna disowned me something

like that

Interviewer: reject?

Interviewee: but they didn’t so they been so supportive of me hanggang sa yung ate ko rin ahm

she research other medical alternatives something like that for my to go up hanggang sa ayun and

they hope that time it is already tuberculosis kase na hospital ako diba and then my weight dropped

down from 63 to 49 as in I was really really thin then hanggang sa ayun when hanggang sa that

time akala kasi naming diba tb yung sakit ko so I’ve had medical team one ahm pulmonologist id

doctor and internal medicine doctor so I had a medical team talaga na wwatch over me hanggang

sa ayun and then I was being subjected for gene expert yung sa tb that you would know if you

would be a MDR or multi drug resistant yung common na kung baga yung first line pulmonary

tuberculosis medicines if they aren’t uhm effective on me so I might be shifting to other level na

kung baga so kasi yung regular na gamotan which has around six months. So if ever you turned

out multi drug resistant so the medications would go as much as 18 months to 2 years which is 24
months and hindi lang siya basta basta oral because you’re goanna have intravenous way of what

do you call this one? Intravenous way of a medical mode of medicine so naka syringe ka. Oo, so

that time nag ask sila sabi nila nag MDR kana ba kase that time supposedly I wasn’t expecting

myself na submitted myself into treatment because I thought na once na may what do you call this

one? My CD4 would go zero well kasi 4 nalang talaga siya kaya sabi ko, “Okay what other I ask

my doctor what are the other foods that I could possibly eat just to pull up my CD4.” Sabi niya,

“No.” Sabi niya, “Only the ARM or the anti-retroviral medication would make your CD4 can go

up.” Sabi ko, “Okay.” So sabi ko, “In what way naman, what are the reasons bakit yung CD4 goes

down.” Sabi niya, “There’s so many factors. Of course, unhealthy lifestyle, puyat, stress something

like that.” So that could bring down your CD4 count talaga. Hanggang sa, ayun. Uhm, that time

when I went out of the hospital na. I didn’t plan of submitting myself into treatment kasi sabi ko…

I mean, you know that kasi di ka pa supposedly you wouldn’t start your ARV right away kasi let’s

say nasa hospital ka palang then you’re gonna start your ARV na. No, bawal yun. As much as

possible you’re gonna have a two-week prophylaxis time. So, you’ll be taking, I don’t know if

you’ve heard before, isoniazid. It’s anti-fungal for… it’s anti TB, anti-pneumonia something like

that. So with that, uhm, pag labas ko ng hospital supposedly two weeks pa akong mag tatake ng

prophylaxis before I’ll gonna start my ARM or my anti-retroviral medicines. Hanggang sa, the

time deadma ko na, ayoko nang mag submit sa treatment. Hanggang sa, yung head nurse ng

hospital, siya talaga yung nangungulit sakin. “Uy tara samahan kita sa treatment hub.” At first, she

just asked me, sabi niya, “Pumunta na ba kayo dun sa treatment hub?” Hanggang sa ayun, I was

not responsing to her, to her texts or what hanggang sa… the time… pinipilit niya talaga kami ng

mom ko to go to the treatment hub. Sasamahan niya raw kami. Hanggang sa ayun, then sabi ko…

I was really thin there. I mean you know that, nahihiya kaming lumabas. It’s… I mean nakakahiya
if ever other people na kilala ka and then they would see you na, “Oh my god, he’s too thin.” Of

course, we never know naman kung ano iisipin nila or kung ano yung iniisip nila upon seeing you

on that stage. Hanggang sa ayun, I was wearing masks, im sorry, I was wearing mask and then

hanggang sa ayon then we went to the treatment hub, uhm I was just taking my prophylaxis for

around a week, a week palang ako, so nung nalaman na. CT 4 was just 4, they’ve given me uhm

my ARV right away so after that, so that very night I took mine tas sabi nila okay you should eat

uhm 2 hours before, before taking ARV so omy gad, I mean you know kasi before when I was in

the hospital palang my doctor told me na okay so by this you should really abide you should be

very adherent talaga when it comes to taking your medicines then sabi ko what do you mean by

that then sabi nya okay so if ever youll gonna schedule your take nang medicine lets say 8:00 so

dapat consistent yan, 8:00 ka dapat every night hindi pwedeng 8;01, 7;59 something like that dapat

eksakto talaga ganun yung sinabi nya sakin and that time sabi ko omygad ehh diba siguro

sometimes we cant deny the fact even tayo, masakit yung ulo natin diba supposedly we gonna take

uhm every 4 hours sometimes you go beyond 4 hours na l-late tayo ng 5 minutes or even single

minute lang and that time as much as possible bawal dawww and then sabi ko omygahd its so hard

to have that kind of situation na dapat sakto talaga, so ayun. And sinabi ng sa treatment hub namin

na you should take 2 hour you should take your medicine 2 hours after mong kumain ng dinner or

what, dapat daw walang laman yung sikmura or what. Its quite hard hanggang sa I was being uhm

oriented narin of possible effects on the trial period, trial period yung sa mga bagong bagong take

you’re neophyte on it, hanggang sa sabi ko what are the hmm possible effects po ba. Hanggang sa

ayon sabi nya possible na mag day dreaming ka, something like that otherwise yung may

hallucinating something like that sabi ko what else sabi nya you might also suffer from insomnia

and sabi ko ah okay then ayun na so i’ve been given one bottle kasi im on my trial period so per
one bottle muna kasi in the event na you’ll gonna somehow mag react yung katawan mo sa gamot

then you might be shifting to different brand or different combination rather so with that okay

naman infrent naman kami though ive been given several list of foods na bawal so ayun hanggang

sa, diba I was thinking na I have PTB so dun sa hub namin when I went there the very first time

when I went there tinanong nakapag gene exper kana po ba sir sabi ko whats that sabi nya did you

go to TBdots something like that sabi ko no then sabi ahm punta ka dun tomorrow nalang sir kasi

at least nandito kana sa hub so we’ll gonna give you your medicine nalang then sabi ko osige

hanggang sa the next day pumunta ako doon for them to know whether or not im non resistant

with the medicine with the PTB medicine that they’ll be giving me so ayun so pinilit nila akong I

mean paluwain ng phlegm though the time I had no cough naman na it is just have no voice, then

sabi nya sige palabasin or even spill dom then ayon after that kasi the time I was really thinking

talaga na may ganon ako PTB hanggang sa when my mom got the result on the afternoon because

morning kami pumunta doon, on the afternoon kinuha nya nalang so hindi nako sumama so when

she got home sabi nya (name) hmm you’re negative you’re negative with PTB sabi ko how come

so ayon so sabi nya it was just recurring pneumonia kung baga bumalik lang yung pneumonia sabi

ko okay pero that time I was starting na kasi my PTB medications so with that, after pinatuloy

nalang siya sakin so I’ve had that for 6 months soooo I went home diba sooo umalis ako sa work

ko soo I recover talaga and my sgpd I don’t know if you’ve heard that term before, sgpd it’s a test

for the liver function kasi before nung na confine ako , hmm my sgpd went so hig h I think if im

not mistaken the normal range goes around 20 something 20 to 30 hmm but mine went up to 90

plus so somehow may problema na talaga sa liver ko hanggang sa ayun hmm yung doctor ko yung

internal medicine ko she gave me this medicine and I was really thin when I went out of the hospital

ahmm payat nako and then nung pumunta pako sa treatment hub ko, mas pumayat pako so I think
if I’m not mistaken, my weight when I was in the hospital, uhm… 50, 50 kilograms and then when

I went to my hub, a few days after it went down to 49. So 1 kilo lang naman ang difference

however. Uhm, and with that, may pinrescribe siya sakin mga medicines something like that and

then my hemoglobin count went so down. So, somehow chinecheck nila because it might fall to

anemia. So ayun, parang nag complicate na talaga yung situation ko din hanggang sa… one good

thing I’ve had a very good medical team in which in the span of around 2 months, I gained 10 to

11 kilos and then my sgpd went normal, my… what else, my hemoglobin went normal as well.

Interviewer: CD4, sir?

Interviewee: Uhm, you’re gonna have CD4 kasi when I’ve started my medication, my CD4 count

has been tested. So, after that, supposedly as uhm… as per protocol, the CD4 count would be

checked every 6 months, every 6 months siya. So, February ako nag istart ng ARV ko so

supposedly July ako mag… I would have my… what do you call this one, my CD4 count by July,

on my sixth month.

Interviewer: This July?

Interviewee: Last July, oo. I turned 1-year na with ARV. So, with that it went normal na hanggang

sa… sabi ko, I think it’s about time for me to go back to Manila na. And that time, as I have said,

with regards to the question, my family has been so supportive of me and then… although yung

sa family, yung immediate lang talaga. Other uncles, other titas they don’t know my situation.

Although, ang alam lang nila, yung immediate family ko lang and then yung mom ko, yung tita

ko talaga and then yung uncle ko dito. Hanggang sa, what do you call this one… with my friends,

yung mga friends ko lang na nasa Abu Dhabi, sila lang yung nakakaalam ng status ko and then,

but with my previous friends, especially here in Manila, Wala. So…

Interviewer: Hanggang ngayon?

Interviewee: Even until now because the case is really, really sensitive. So, I mean you can’t naman

everyone to be on the same wave, on the same wave; to be very knowledgeable when it comes to

such virus or what. So ayun. So, the time naman, yung pinalabas namin dun sa Mindanao which

is true din naman, I’ve had a liver problem. So ayun, hanggang sa the time, I was sabi ko, at the

time wala pa ako sa ‘alter’. I’m sorry for the term. I don’t know if you’ve heard that before. Naka

alter facebook kasi kami. I don’t know, I think not if I’m not mistaken, naka alter din siya. Alter,

basta yung it’s not your legit account. So, we’re somehow using other’s names, other names though

somehow kami din naman yung nag-ooperate dun so the feeling is still us but we’re hiding on

other’s identity din. So, with that, February ako nag start hanggang sa I ventured to alter FB last

week of May if I’m not mistaken. So ayun, I’ve posted my story there hanggang sa… somehow

may mga nag add sakin, may mga nag message sakin, they show their support, laban lang

something like that hanggang sa… those somehow helped in such a way hanggang sa… kasi that

time, I didn’t know my ARV combination. All I know was just I was taking ARV. So, that time,

so nag post ako sabi nila, “Anong gamot mo?” sabi ko, “ARV.” Sabi niya, “No.” Sabi ko, “Bakit

ikaw, what’s your medicine?” Sabi niya, “I’m LTE, I’m 3 and 1, I’m LTA, I’m LZN.” Mga ganun.

Sabi ko, “Fuuuh.” Sabi ko, “How did you know all those stuff?” then sabi nila, “Gamot yan.” Sabi

ko, “I don’t know! With me, I’m just taking ARV.” Sabi ko, “Please stop asking me kung ano

talaga yung gamot kasi all I know was just, iisa lang talaga yung gamot for people like us.” So on

that note, uhm, nag venture ako, sabi ko, “Where would I know kung ano yung medicine ko?” sabi

nila, “You could check, I mean you could check the box.” Hanggang sa, sabi ko… pag check ko

nung box, eh medyo mahaba kasi yung ARV combination namin. Then sabi ko, “Ah okay!” sabi

ko, “I’m on LTE.” Sabi nila, “I mean, yung medicine mo ba is 3 and 1?” 3 and 1 by that is isang…
it’s just 1 pill. Thing is it’s a combination of three medicines din siya. So sabi ko, “Ah okay.” Sabi

ko, “I’m on LTE.” Sabi niya, “Ah okay.” Sabi niya, “So, how’s you and the LTE?” sabi ko, “What

do you mean by that?” Sabi nila, ayun, “May sipa ba, nalalasing ka pa ba?” sabi ko, “Actually, I

haven’t felt anything upon taking medicine.” Sabi ko, “Bakit ikaw?” kasi yung iba, I’ve known,

I’ve heard na after an hour upon taking medicine, parang lasing na sila. Siguro it’s because of the

efavirenz, it’s one combination of our ARV. So parang sinisipa sila something like that. Sabi ko,

“I haven’t experienced such.” Although before when I was on my trial period naman, I just suffer

from extreme insomnia. So, it was just extreme insomnia which lasted for less than a week. A

week lang, oo. So, after that, wala parang normal lang, parang nag vitamins ka lang. Pero yung iba

kasi they don’t go out na after makapag take kasi nahihilo na sila something like that. Sabi ko,

“Wala.” Sabi ko, “Wala so far.” Then hanggang sa ayun. Then I’ve… ayun. Friends ko, they’ve

been so supportive of me.

Interviewer: Friends and family, supportive.

Interviewee: Yes, they’ve been so supportive of me hanggang sa…. When I even when I got back

here in Manila, we’ve decided nalang to get a condominium nalang kasi before we’re living in

Paranaque. Even until know, we’re living naman in Paranaque. Thing is, I mean, with the current

traffic condition in Metro Manila, it’s really exhausting should I say. So, I’m just living uhm

around, 50, 50 meters away from my office lang. So, ayun. At least hindi ka… iwas stress din.

Hanggang sa, they’ve been so supportive of me although yung mga pinsan ko. They didn’t know

my condition. All they know is just I’ve had a liver problem. Hanggang sa ayun, what else? Ano

pa bang question nga ulit?

Interviewer: ah yung uulitin ko pa po ba yung question ko sainyo?

Interviewee: Oo, tama ba?

Interviewer: okay na po e nasagot niyo na po na how did your family treat you and your bestfriend

Interviewee: okay on that note naman no discrimination na nangyari kase I’ve heard before to

some of my friends na yung mga utensils nila naka separate naka separate talga I mean kasi yung

anything na ginagamit nila I mean hindi pinapagamit sa iba ayun with my case wala parang wala

lang talaga

Interviewer: pure acceptance po talaga?

Interviewee: oo then kasi nga before I was really hesitant na I mean I was really hesitant na

tumulong sa kitchen if ever mag slice something like that kase baka masugat ako and of course the

blood so because that time kasi I didn’t know na safe si blood pag nakalabas na si blood it’s no

longer I mean the virus is wala na kasi before I thought talga na pag nalagyan ng blood HIV patient

so that’s contaminated already something like that and then baka mahawaaan ko yung iba so I was

really thinking then as much as possible ayokong makikigamit ng may gamit kasi baka I mean

mag karoon ng drop ng blood something like so ayoko ng ganun hanggang sa sabi nila no ahm

paglabas ng blood sa katawan ni host wala na patay narin yung virus sabi ko ah okay I did not

know hanggang sa that really push me to (may tumawag) where am I so ayun that really push me

na mag venture sa alter fb for me to very knowledgeable den when it comes to this stuff oo kasi if

ever naman na I iisolate ko self ko parang ako rin yung talo because wala akong alam literally oo

I mean diba that time iwas taking after 3 to 4 months I mean kasi before hindi ako yung nag tatago

ng arc ko since open sa bahay alam nila yung case ko so yung mom ko siya yung nag kekeep ng

alp ng (di ko marinig) kaya sabi and then before 8 o’clock hawak niya yung cellphone niya then

sabi niya osige so lets say 7:59 pa lang there is pill with me and then a glass water then chinicheck
na niya pag shift ng 9 to 0 sige na sige na so ayun pag na raratle kami before sa bahay na as much

as possible di malate yung kahit single minute lang talaga so ayun getting back that push me to get

in to alterfb so ayun next question

Interviewer: ahm sinabi ko na nga po kanina how did the people that you’re close treated you?

And question number five how about naman those who are not how about those people you are

not close with? For example, aahm your work mate or yung hindi po talaga ka close ninyo pero

kakilala kayo

Interviewee: okay, so that time I goanna fast forward the scenario when I got back here in manila

that time kasi when I went home diba I mention a while ago I’ve working in family cooperation

so before I want home sa mindanoa they’ve really know this naman na pumayat ako bumagsak

yung katawan ko in such way I was even can’t find for and they knew It hanggang sa sinabi naman

ng tita kona nag karoon ako ng liver problem something like that although that time I wasn’t

posting picture of mine specially nung kakalabas ko ng hospital kasi iba mag isip ang mga tao pag

ka kita na pumayat ka something like that they would really think na oh my God baka my

something like that so which is true din naman pero we afraid of what people would perceive you

in such way so on that nung dumating kasi ako straight from the airport I ay no from the airport I

went straight to the office I had several meetings na agad and then there is this guy ahm nakita

niya ko sabi niya oh von ahm “von” is my nickname my real nick name so sabi niya I thought

you’re sick then sabi ko yeah I was but im recovered now sabi niya oo nga parang di ka naman

pumayat something like that sabi ko yeah before I was so thin but I was full recovered na then

ayun so I was the contract pero ayun with some reservations kasi as much as possible iwas stress

so somehow hindi rin ako masyadong sinasabak sa matinding puyatan matinding stress ng tita ko

and then yung other friends ko I don’t know if they’re still my friemds “laughs” joke until now I
don’t know kasi specially talaga when I back here in manila di ko na sila nakikita yung iba because

siguro I’ve been so busy with my new circle I mean friends ko because my new friends ko most

of them are around 95 percent of them are the same status so because I mean mas sila yung mas

nakakaintindi sakin so I’ve be closing with them because if ever naman na although naman na

friemd ko parin naman yung ibang friends ko before pero mas parati kong kasama yung mga

friends ko na bago or are the same status

Interviewer: so again sir for clarifications only those who are not close with you yung mga hindi

po close sainyo is treanit kayo as?

Interviewee: normal lang

Interviewer: normal lang?

Interviewee: parang wala

Interviewer: no wala pong di kayo ni reject?

Interviewee: oo, other wise they’re will be fired out joke lang

Interviewer: so acceptance wala rin

Interviewee: wala kasi they didn’t know and then when they saw me parang wala akala nila siguro

pumayat ako pero sinugurado ko rin kasi na before I’ll getting back again to manila I mean the

same body lang yung makikita nila para they wouldn’t speculate on me kasi pag pumayat ka

something like that so yun lang naman pero theres this one board director namin hindi ko alam na

alam pala niya yung case ko because she is a managing director of an NGO who is supporting I

don’t know if you’ve heard to love yourself or anglo so shes an managing director ng NGO na nag

susupport dun kay anglo so that time nag kikita na kami and somehow yung NGO yung talga
focusses at the same status talaga hanggang sa that time maaga akong pinabalik ng tita ko dito sa

manila then nag hanap siya ng support group ko something like that and they did not know naman

na sinabi niya pala yung case ko sa board naming yung sa kay doc hanggang sa I wasn’t shock

during may event kami sa office and then when she saw me sabi niya hey who are you then sabi

niya do you have support group dito sa manila? Sabi ko what do you mean po na support group?

Then sabi niya support group sabi ko I have a support group but it’s a bit informal because sa

group chat group chat lang po and then in the other hand sa face book lang po but it’s not that

formal talga na under certain NGO then sabi niya no it’s different what I mean is that saan ka

kumukuha ng medicine mo? San ka nag rerefill something like that then ayun sinabi ko im with st

lukes po then sinabi niya huh st lukes diba ang mahal mahal dun keme sabi ko somehow okay lang

naman sabi niya you should have enroll dun sa support group ko sabi niya it’s really one of the

best sabi ko huh then ayun she still pushing that support group of her then sabi niya alam mo sa

support group ko keme keme something like that sabi ko san po ba yung support group niyo doc?

Then sabi niya it’s just in shaw in Mandaluyong is that anglo that to loveyourslef thing sabi niya

yes it’s anglo love yourself sabi niya kasi yung NGO ko yung one of the benefactors of anglo sabi

ko ah okay sabi ko actually I was thingking then of transparing to the anglo because I’ve started

my hub talaga dun sa province so when I decided to get back here in manila so of course I thought

of several treatment hubs where in mag ttransfer ako so that time there were three hubs which

came into my mind sabi ko I was thingking to Makati then MC the medical City and then dun na

pumasok sis t lukes kasi si st lukes medyo bago palang st lukes st lukes just started just febuarary

of last year hanggang sa at least kung mas discreet si Makati tas wala si medical city almost times

2 times 3 yung confidentiality ni st lukes so with that sabi niya so hows with st lukes how are you

with st lukes sabi ko the same lang namam and then sabi ko I’ve heard din naman kasi doc that
anglo is really crowded na ngayon sabi niya ay oo marami na kasi dun sa anglo which is true

because I think two or three weeks ago I went to anglo to a company a friend who turned out

positive so ayun tinulungan naming siya to enroll at anglo I mean yung set niya is like that of a

school perhaps second I don’t know if second or third floor yun if I’m not mistaken and a corridor

and then there are plenty of rooms and if ever na you goanna have a refills sa ganitong room like

and then other people tumatambay lang sa labas sabi ko my God I mean in short I mean you cant

somehow protect your privacy I mean if you’re after the confidentiality wala dun so kasi that’s

why yung pag punta dun yung umaakyat dun nag mmask na kaagad kasi at least mata yung nakikita

then sabi ko My God ate miki because I’m with the friend then sabi ko are they positive also sabi

niya yes then sabi ko ah okay sabi ko kasi sa hub namin I haven’t tried nagkasabaysabay kami kasi

strictly for appointment talaga so if ever naman na dumating ako dun may tao pa di muna ako I

cater instead dun muna ako sa lounge and then they’ll just inform me once na ako na hanggang sa

ayun sabi ko okay di na nakita yung disparity ng private hubs sa public so

Interviewer: ah public hub po ba yung anglo?

Interviewee: oo

Interviewer: st lukes po is private?

Interviewee: four apat lang ata yung private hub dito sa manila the medical city st lukes Makati

medical city and then Makati medical center shep ay its not shep is not that super well known kasi

its not hospital talaga unlike those 3 big hospitals. Hospital talaga siya with a treatment hub inside

on it tama ba have I answer the question na

Interviewer : I have a Question sir yun sa about those people na sinabi niyo na po samin na wala

na po normal lang po kasi di mo naman po sinabi sa kanila and di din naman po nila kayo
diniscriminate so proceed na po sa next question sir. So question number 6 sir What is your worst

experience in life since you’ve been diagnose with the condition of HIV. Worst experience.

Interviewee : worst experience. I would say depression its really one of the common most common

because I mean you know that you’re gonna carry that thing that burden for life. So yung talaga

yung problema ko depression ko even in which I became suicidal I was really suicidal then thing

is it wasn’t being so successful that’s why I’m still alive. I have attempted several times already I

think 3 times so may sa pusa ako I still have 6 lives left just kidding so with that oo I was really

down in which I mean because you know right na you wouldn’t know whats life aftert that or is

there really still life after that and then you’ve been stuck by so many what if why I haven’t done

this thing what if I haven’t became mysterious what if uhm I surrendered my self right away what

if I became so health conscious right before. But its already too late for that what if all you have

to do is to process everything so dun na papasok sa acceptance and of course you have to forgive

yourself for all those eventuality because you wouldn’t know you wouldn’t realize na hindi lang

naman ikaw ang may ganun situation sguro yung iba mas malala pa yung situation than What I

have been through yung iba when their family knew that they are active they been rejected they

been discrimintated. Then yung iba naman nasa I mean low poverty life they cant afford

medication they cant afford to go to hospitals they cant afford to get good medical doctor

something like that so yung iba that’s why. At some point yes dun mo ma rerealize you’re stil

blessed because the fact na buhay ka pa despite the fact na ganun and then despite the fact na I

attempted to commit suicicide several times already all that Im alive I recovered in such a way I

was able to be optimistic I was able to conquered depression and sguro one good thing that uhm I

graduated psychology so that time I became… so still not relevant sa mga question niyo but coming

from experience nalng so that time kasi I became so I have develope I knew to my self that I have
develop already certain abnormality so with that literally di lumalabas nalng ako ng kwarto ko so

lumalabas nalng ako ng kwarto ko whenever I’ll take my shower im gonna eat take my medicine

after that pasok na ulit ako ng kwarto my social life wala I mean wala talaga oo my facebook di

na ako nag checheck ng facebook ko that time because baka that time may nag D-DM sakin

something like that hanggang sa. Kasi that time my friends from Mindanao they didn’t know na

na I was already in Mindanao then so kahit pumunta ng mall di ako pumupunta ng mall. I could

stay to my bedroom even the whole day so I mean..

Interviewer : so ano po pinagkakalibangan niyo sa room?

Interviewee : wala wala lights off everything higa lang I mean I was really have some morbid

thoughts then na im gonna survive despite having such. Ganun talaga sabi ko wala so ayun gusto

ko magpakamatay something like that hanggang sa mga ganun drama ko hanggang sa naka recover

na ako eventually I use facebok then someone invited me that would you mind if ever we’re gonna

add you to my group chat then sabi ko sige then sabi nya don’t worry because remember they are

people like us also so ayun. So that time I was still in Mindanao that was last week of may

hanggang sa I withdraw ayun sabi nila yung format daw kung baga name mo JUAN DELA CRUZ

and then the format is your name your ARV as well as your treatment HUV so sabi ko ano to sabi

whats your HUV so sabi ko I don’t know san ka kumukuha ng medicine sabi ko ah okay dito sa

ganito lugar so that’s your treatment HUV so binago ko na that time hindi pa ako St lukes sa

province pa ako nun hanggang sa that time uhm dun ko na realize I was an ordinary member lang

ng group chat then hanggang sa that time wala naman ako work so that time dun ako nalibang kasi

nga di na ako masyado nag lologin sa original account ko so dun na ako nag lologin dun ako

tumambay sa alter account ko so after that eh kasi for example very mean objective of that group

chat was to help other people with same status kasi someone is newly diagnose of course wala pa
yan sa matino pag iisip so yung iba pinapasok namin dun and then sabi nila kami mag preprocess

kami yung mag sysymphatize na don’t worry uhm we’ve been through something like that before

tutulongan talaga sya psychologicaly,emotionally something like that hanggang sa that time yung

admin namin uhm nag set up sila ng kind of get together eyeball kung baga ng mga members that

time. First group chat that I have been through is that most of the members are professionals kasi

im sorry to put out our people down yung iba kasi makakti sorry for the term other individuals

ayun ganun parin sila they are quit makati they quit finding aura parin hanggang sa ayun. My group

chat then most are professionals hanggang sa athough their are members naman na walang work

others are just student ganun hanggang sa yung founder namin sabi niya gusto niya kasi they have

kind of eyeball kumain sila something like that I haven’t join them because that time I was in

Mindanao and then after that event they formulated this small group talk I mean just to vent out

somehow kind of sharing of life experiences something like that hanggang sa ayun din sabi ko

where will you be having it then supposedly that time gusto nya sa isang hotel somewhere in shaw

Lancaster sabi nya sya na daw bahala saaaa, room accommodation and then yung dsa food naman

potluck potluck nalang sabi ko sige, sabi ko they’ve sent that I think a month before so atleast

somehow matagal tagal yung preparation and then there will be constant follow up for the

apprentice hanggang sa ayun na on that day siguro sabi ko ayusin nyo, I think a week before sabi

ko kasi I’ll be flying for manila just to attend that event and, and I mean ayokong masayang yung

I’ll be spending big amount don just for my air fare just to attend that event all of a sudden I mean,

I mean its I mean the objectives woudnt be met, so sayang talaga hanggang sa ayon on that night

imean kinabukasan na yung event dun nila f-follow up kung sino talaga sasama somethinh like

that then sabi ko I think its not, I mean sa event is not properly organized kasi sabi ko wala kayong

nilatag na flow of the program wala kayong nilatag na mga objectives what would be happening
during the event sabi ko eh 100 percent of the attendees some of the participants orrrrr bisexuals

or gays something like that so we cannot deny the fact that baka aurahan portion talaga then sabi

ko to be very honest with you sabi ko I’m not into it sabi ko eh ang gusto nila gabi, gabi gagawin

yung event I mean I don’t overnight then dsabi ko ang awkward kasi parang I don’t find it very

ideal to have a kinda symposium inside a hotel room sabi ko pano yun pano yung magiging set up

non yung mga rk, yung mga may looks sila yung uupo sa bed and then yung medyo not the super

welloff sila yung nasa floor sabi ko that would be very unfair hanggang sa ayon then sabi ko sige

so what’s your plan then sabi ko how about the food all those stuff sabi nya wala potluck potluck

nalang tayo sabi ko you want na mag potluck nalang and then hindi nyo sila ininform ahead of

time so pano yun not everyone has a work not everyone has a money to spend on that certein thing

sabi ko swerte lang yung iba kasi may work but we cant demand them naman that you should

gonna give this amount for us to buy this food or what hanggang sa that time , push it through the

thing is sabi nila if ever naman daw na hindi aabot ng 15 yung attendee then they’ll just gonna take

dinner outside nalang daw and then sagot nalang daw nung founder ng gc then sabi ko okay so

ayun dinako nag book ng flight ko papunta dito.

Interviewer: so sagot po nila?

Interviewee: hindi, sagot ko if ever yung plane ticket ko just to attend on that event hanggang sa

that time the next night apatlang silang pumunta don, apat lang sila so, so they just took their dinner

nalang outside so ofcourse hindi naging successful ang event in short, wala it wasn’t brought to

existence kasi lumabas nalang yun na kumain lang sila sa labas and then after that .khmm.

supposedly ahm we’re no longer planning to push it through hanggang sa met this hmm admin

sya hmm admin sya doon kasi that time I was not yet an admin pa hanggang sa sabi ko kasi may

inaadd sila that time if im not mistaken isang araw lang yun may inadd silang tatlong, tatlong
newly diagnosed yung isa don matagal nilang alam na possed sya and then his rweally really thin

nag post sya ng picture na, nya, naaa buto’t balaaaaaat as in literally hanggang sabi namin

ohmygahhd punta kana sa ripm ganito ganyan and then ayun yung founder namin kasi ayun I don’t

know if rk talaga sya or what or pasosyal then sabi nya mygahd punta kana agad ng Makati med

something like that tapos sabi ko does he has work ba kasi baka wala ding work maybe he cant

afford to got to private hospital something like that so we advised him hanggang sa ayun iniwan

na sya samin ni founder I mean pinasok nya lang literally yung member na yun hanggang sa kami

na yung nag process sa member na yon something like that hanggang sa sabi ni, nung friend ko na

close ko sya sabi nya ahm , sabi nya I think its about time for us to push through that sgp, sgp event

natin kasi nga yung ngayon maraming bago and ofcourse theres difference something like that sabi

nya sige set natin to sabi ko sige and by this time ayokong mag mukang aurahan portion sya sabi

ko please come up with a yoga program and then please invite speakers legit speakers as much as

possible and then everything sabi ko I want to see the topics that they’ll be discussing on that day

then sabi nya pero babalik kana ba ng manila (name) sabi ko yes im looking forward na to get back

to manila sooner then sabi ko ill be helping you with the all of the preparation for the event hmm

hanggang sa maraming ding tumulong samin sa such a way so sabi ko because sabi ko because

our main objective that time is to help People on same status especially those newly diagnosed

individuals sabi ko please think of the possible things which is related to our condition so sabi ko

also please hmm kasi if ever ill be getting back to manila ill be talking several individuals whom

we could ask for some help sabi ko if ever yung place iintrust mo nalang saaakin kasi pag balik ko

ng manila ill ask for some don na sa our sponsors so ayon hanggang sa Mindanao palang kami

pero we’ve parang finafinalize na namin yung program so that time meron na kaming dalawang

speakers that time weve already formulated topics so that time our topic was about coping up with
depression and developing positive outlook in life, positive outlook in life something like that and

we got two hmm speakers anfd those two individuals na yon are registered nurse and they’re

working under social hygiene clinics and they’re legit uhm doh uhm hiv speakers something like

that then sabi ko uhm if ever naman na kasi that time na adjust ng na adjust yung pag balik ko sa

manila so yung event namin na adjust din ng adjust hanggang sa sabi ko ate (name) hmm ill be

getting back sa manila first week of seoptember then sabi nya osige ill be setting the event uhm I

think middle I think September 23 if im not mistaken then sabi ko osige then sabi ko ag balik ko

ng manila lets meet right away lets discuss everything kasi sabi ko ayaw ko as much as possible

na yugn mga members or yung mga participants hmm they will gonna have this hmm registration

fees something like that kasi baka that could be a cause bakit hindi sila makaka attend even if they

wanted to join kasi ofcourse depression is really not that joke sabi ko hmm we should think of the

sponsors sabi ko hmm at least sponsors siguro for the merienda for the lunch and rhen after nun

snancks because the. The event would be whole day talaga sya so ayun sabi ko lets gonna think of

theEEE doners SO with that when to think yung place ko nakausap ko si mommy and then

pinahiram nya samin yung place for free and then sabi kosige ill be taking care of the AM’s na

then sabi ko yung isang kasama namin hmm sya naman yung nag pledge for the afternoon snack

and then yung isa naman is parang mag p-pricipal na yata yun sa public school so sya naman yung

nag pledge for the for the lunch hanggang sa ayun weve provided everything soe=mething like

that and then sabi ko please let us provisde with I mean sabi ko gusto ko yung participants would

be around 20-25 para hindi din masayang yung event ksai ang awkward naman if lima lang kayo

10 lang kau=yo imwean it would be better if mas marami ung matutulungan diba so ayun one good

thing is that na reach naman namin lahat ng objectives namin so ayun so far and then that guy yung

sinabi kong pinasok sa gc na sobrang thin nyang nya that time nag apply sya samin and then he
has being deployed and ayun na tanggap sya and I saw him iwas so happy because hes fully

recovered na nagka lamanlaman na sya so I mean you know that na parang wala na and hes totally

back on track na rin so I mean it’s a good thing din naaaa, I mean , to give back kasi sabi ko that

time sabi ko its imean itung yung event namin ngayion its more on giving back nalang because at

some point in our lives other people help us din to cope up with depression, or to any dilemmas

that weve been through sabi ko so now its about time for us to give back to I mean its about time

for us to help those who are in need hanggang sa upon seing that guy I mean its

Interviewer: inspire

Interviewee: its yeah imean theres this help fulfillment na before when you see something like that

parang napuno sya ng insicurities but no okay na sya I mean

Interviewer: fully cured

Interviewee: yeah kanina we’ve met sabi ko ohmygad im just so happy for you to ythink na youre’

you’re getting back to work youre healthy now so ayun magandang feeling and then ayun.

Interviewer; so hmm dib apo sinabi nyo po yung worst experience in life nyo and sabi nyo you’ve

become depressed, suicidal thougts but in terms of ano po sir uhm rejection ah or na discriminate

po ba kayo hm naka experience poc ba kayo ng ganon you’ve been discriminated ay you’ve

rejected IN SOME HOSPITALS kunware hmm parang inaano kayo parang wag kayo dito kasi di

kami gumagawa ng ganyan. Discriminated sir for example hmm hmm wag nyo lalapitan yan kasi

parang may ganto na yang condition na may na experience po ba kayo na ganyan.

Interviwee: well so far wala naman thank god thank Christ and siguro depende narin because one

good thing the people around me are well educated so theyre well educated as much who knew

mystand.
Interviewer: ganda nga po na nakapag kayo ng ano eh ng counselling, counselling po yung tawag

dun diba yung, yung, yung, you surround yourself with people na with the same condition.

Interviewee: yes, yes exactly and the time getting back kasi diba yung kanina yung sinabi ko that

I when I was sitting indenial I have developed that certain abnormality and that time sabi ko siguro

it’s a big help that im a psychology graduate afterewise siguro matagal Nakong patay matagal

Nakong baliw because if not I mean sabi ko imean thers something wrong with me it would know

it in yourself talaga na something is not good something is not uhm going on the right way as you

think it should be hanggang sa ayon nag research ako for example about I knew then that im already

anti social so ayon chineck kona kung ano yung mga possible treatment what are the what do you

call this one what are the symptoms kung baga and then here comes depression another symptoms

of depression something like that.

Interviewer: next sir?

Interviewee: yeah yeah

Interviewer: so hm second to the last question how did you overcome these experiences yung mga

hm diba kung kanina suicidal thoughts kayo and nasabi nyo namn na wala po kayong experiences

with regards to discrimination rejection hmm yung sa suicidal thought s po how did you overcome

that experience?

Interviewee: how did I overcome... acceptance only, yeah.

Interviewer: acceptance only?

Interviewer: yahhh, thing is at some point you know that there are still episodes eh I can’t deny

the fact na wheneverrrrr I recall those stuff naging suicidal ako, I mean, naiirita ako and then kung

ano yung hawak ko nanginginig ako then ayon so that comes in brain manipulation

Interviewer: brain manipulation, mind set

Interviewee: so you have to, condition your mind you have to divert your attention, something like

that something ganon

Interviewer: so all in all po sa ano nyo sa in you’r your negative experiences in life hm ganon nyo

lang po t-nrain ganon lang po kayo nag cope up hmm by manipulation being optimistic,

acceptance, counseling?

Interviwee; hmm, at some point pero wala or siguro I surround my… I mean, I just surround myself

up talaga with happy people so kasi once you’re happy, once you’re busy, you wouldn’t remember

all those stuff kasi pag I mean, pag wala kang kaibigan, wala kang kausap something like that. So,

wala I mean, walang… di gumagana yung utak mo so the tendency is that uhm… yun yung naiisip

mo so that would haunt you from time to time. So I don’t want that thing or those stuff would

haunt me kasi I mean, I want to live my life fully and as normal as possible because after all, yung

health ko lang yung naging immunocompromised

Interviewer: sakit lang yan…

Interviewee: exactly, and then after all I still have my brains and for sure sana hindi naman

naapektuhan yung brain cells ko. [laughs]