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hey everyone it's Dr Romney here welcome

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back to this YouTube channel on

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narcissism and narcissistic

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relationships so here's a question

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talked about how do you get under the

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skin of a grandiose narcissist how do

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you think we get under the skin of a

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vulnerable narcissist drop your thoughts

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in the comments so again this is not

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something I'd ever recommend any of you

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do is try to get under the skin of a

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narcissist it's a bit like you know

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opening up a hornet's nest like I said

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we've already talked about how you get

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under the skin of a grandiose narcissist
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so then like I said the question we're

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going to be taking on in this video is

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how do you find yourself getting under

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the skin of a vulnerable narcissist or

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as many people say covert narcissist

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vulnerable is the right term but I

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understand covert narcissist is often

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the term people use but drop your

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thoughts like I said in the comments no

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okay it's not about doing this

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deliberately but you might wonder how is

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it why am I so under this person's skin

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why are they so bothered by me

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more often you may end up again

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happening this not intentionally but

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because it happens you're like I keep

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getting under their skin why why why so

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let's break down

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the what happens how does this happen

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and for you're going to see what the

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punch line do this ain't pretty it means

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you need to stop by being yourself but

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how do you do it by being happy having

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fun being successful being lucky having

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your hard work turn into success

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enjoying simple sweet moments in life if

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those things are happening you're going

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to get under the skin of a vulnerable

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narcissist so let's break this list out

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because these there's sort of two things

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happening here first let's talk about

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the happy stuff having fun enjoying a

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party enjoying a silly or pretty little

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thing like a display of lights or a

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garden or a festival or something like

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that the first thing the vulnerable

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narcissist will do is probably say

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something cynical about it or like oh

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this is just something that they're

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doing to lure you in so you give them

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more money or oh gosh all of this is

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contributing to the end of the planet or

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you're a corporate chill for enjoying

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these lights or whatever it is or
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they'll complain about the parking or

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the traffic or the fee they'll roll

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their eyes they'll portray you as as

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Maudlin and overly sentimental or just

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foolish for being so into this joyful

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happy thing and if you attend a party

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they may critique the people at the

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party or contemptuously dismiss the

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party or the fun people are having them

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dismiss them as losers or wannabes or

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incompetent or something dismissive and

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paint the entire party in the whole

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event as a waste of their time it will

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just be heavy and aggrieved and bitter

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and Sullen and resentful and still any
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joy out of all of it if you let them

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they may actually not want to go and if

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you make the mistake of insisting that

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they join you then you're in for a night

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of their bitterness and resentment and

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all of it will Sour Whatever Joy you're

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getting that's how you get under their

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skin simply experiencing Joy

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now the other set of things that get

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under the skin of a vulnerable

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narcissist is your success

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any reason for your success but your

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success it doesn't matter if you did

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actually get lucky or that if you worked

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hard they will devalue it either way

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the core of vulnerable narcissism which

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is a chronic sense of victimhood this

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they believe that nothing goes their way

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everyone is against them the deck is

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stacked against them they suffer more

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than anyone they resent their solid and

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they feel life is only unfair to them

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that means that the success of anyone

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else is the ultimate goad and it usually

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is viewed through a cynical lens like

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Ugh the only reason you're successful is

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you're lucky or you slept your way to

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the top or you didn't really look work

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hard whatever it is then they will often

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believe that there is no point to

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working hard because nobody will ever

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recognize how good they are and if

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things don't go the way they want which

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they usually don't they will not see it

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as they're not doing the work or they're

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not meeting their requirements but

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rather that the world is out to get them

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so your success will absolutely turn the

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volume up on the relational toxicity and

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you'll really get under their skin

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now other small things that will get

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under the skin of a vulnerable

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narcissist are if you spend money on a

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wedding gift or even go to a wedding
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they're going to say something like why

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bother they're just going to get

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divorced anyhow or you go to or get a

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gift for a baby or a baby shower or

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visit someone who's having a baby they

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may come out with something like oh

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great one more person to destroy the

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planet

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if you volunteer or give your time or

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money to those in need you'll be hit

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back with what a waste of time what are

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you expecting in return you expect

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people are going to think you're so

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great and charitable that's what you

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could expect from a vulnerable
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narcissist when they see people doing

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good they don't like it of all the forms

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of narcissism vulnerable narcissism if

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you're in a relationship with it is the

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most joy sapping and the most sort of

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resentful so you participating in joy of

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any kind or having success is always

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going to get under their skin

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if you are in any kind of relationship

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with a vulnerable narcissist I'm sure

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all of this will ring true as always if

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there's anything I miss put it in the

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comments I do remember once

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I I had seen a big fireworks show right

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so it was you know it was like

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unexpected had not expected it would

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happen and I was trying to get I heard

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the booming and I went outside and it

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was really pretty like it was just

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something unexpected something different

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and I thought in the joy of the moment

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there was a guy standing there and kind

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of like almost his back to the show and

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I said isn't that I mean isn't that

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lovely I said those are really pretty

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fireworks and he's like oh stand there

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stand there while the planet gets

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destroyed and one day you will be mad at

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yourself for watching this fireworks

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show and I don't know who this dude was

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I don't know if he's a vulnerable

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narcissist it's definitely a bet I'd be

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willing to take and I thought oh my gosh

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what a sour resentful guy I am sure that

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the fireworks show probably wasn't great

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for the environment but I think again

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sort of the realm of massive industrial

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pollution I'm really guessing the fire

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work show wasn't that big a deal

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apparently it doesn't even happen that

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often it was a big anniversary in that

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City and that's what was happening but

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it always stuck with me and as I was

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thinking about this video I thought
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there was something so pretty happening

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and it was I was so clearly The Joy was

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on my face and the only way this guy

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could get through the world was just to

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completely piss on that joy and I could

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be pretty confident that this is how

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this guy goes through life very much how

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you get under their skin is joy

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happiness success anything celebratory

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they will always get that cynical Barb

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in and it's really really uncomfortable

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if you're in a relationship with this so

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getting under their skin actually

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happens but you merely living a good

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life hope that helps and thanks again