Class code: 222_71ENG610063_40

Student’s name: Trần Đình Khải

Peer editor’s name: Trần Hữu Tài
Date: 10-1-2023

WRITING ASSIGNMENT – LESSON 4

Unit: 6
Topic:

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make
comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words

⚫ 1st draft

The pie charts illustrate the main purposes that people came to and left the UK in 2007.

Overall, it is clear that the majority of both immigrants and emigrants to the UK were due to
Definite job.

As be seen, Definite job was the major reason that people moved to UK accounted by 30%. This
factor was similar to the people moved out from the UK rated by 29%. Another main reason of
moving into the UK was for Formal study, which is account for over a quarter of people (26%).

A large number of people 22% also emmigrated because they were looking for job, though the
proportion of people moving into the UK was lower at less than a fifth. Although the percentage
of Other reasons or did not give a reason why they emigrated made up (32%), this accounted for
only 17% with regards to immigration.

⚫ Self-assessment (checklist)

Content SELF-
ASSESSMENT
Task Response

Is the essay at least 150 words? N

Is the topic identified in the introduction? Y
Does the thesis statement discuss both views as being asked? Y
Is each paragraph related to the topic? Y
Does the conclusion summarize both views and state the writer’s opinion? Y
Coherence & Cohesion

Are there one introduction, two body paragraphs, and one conclusion in the Y
essay?
Is there a clear topic sentence in each paragraph? Y
Are relevant examples and/or other supporting details (explanation, reasons, N
…) included?
Are the sentences well linked together using appropriate cohesive devices? N
Lexical Resource

Has the question been suitably paraphrased? Y

Has consistent repetition of vocabulary been avoided? Y
Have spelling and word-choice errors been checked? Y
Is there sufficient use of academic vocabulary? N
Does the essay contain vocabulary specific to the topic? Y
Grammar Range and Accuracy

Has a range of simple, compound, and complex sentences been used? Y

Have the verb tenses and subject-verb agreement been checked? Y
Are most sentences error-free? N
Has correct punctuation been used? N

⚫ Peer assessment (checklist)

Content PEER Comments/

ASSESSMENT Suggestions
Task Response

Is the essay at least 150 words? N

Is the topic identified in the introduction? Y
Does the thesis statement discuss both views as Y
being asked?
Is each paragraph related to the topic? Y
Does the conclusion summarize both views and Y
state the writer’s opinion?
Coherence & Cohesion

Are there one introduction, two body paragraphs, Y

and one conclusion in the essay?
Is there a clear topic sentence in each Y
paragraph?
Are relevant examples and/or other supporting Y
details (explanation, reasons, …) included?
Are the sentences well linked together using Y
appropriate cohesive devices?
Lexical Resource

Has the question been suitably paraphrased? Y

Has consistent repetition of vocabulary been Y
avoided?
Have spelling and word-choice errors been Y
checked?
Is there sufficient use of academic vocabulary? Y
Does the essay contain vocabulary specific to Y
the topic?
Grammar Range and Accuracy

Has a range of simple, compound, and complex Y

sentences been used?
Have the verb tenses and subject-verb N
agreement been checked?
Are most sentences error-free? N
Has correct punctuation been used? Y

⚫ Final version

The pie charts illustrate the main purposes that people came to and left the UK in 2007.
Overall, it is clear that the majority of both immigrants and emigrants to the UK were due to
Definite job. Additionally, it is notable that the disparity between the proportion of immigrants
and emigrants to the UK was obvious in Formal study.

As be seen, Definite job was the major reason that people moved to UK accounted by 30%. This
factor was similar to the people moved out from the UK rated by 29%. Another main reason of
moving into the UK was for Formal study, which is account for over a quarter of people (26%).
However, only a small minority 4% left for emigration.

A large number of people 22% also emmigrated because they were looking for job, though the
proportion of people moving into the UK was lower at less than a fifth. The percentages of
people accompanying were similar for immigration and emmigration, at 15% and 13%
respectively. Although the percentage of Other reasons or did not give a reason why they
emigrated was nearly a third (32%), this accounted for only 17% with regards to immigration.

⚫ Rubric for grading

⚫ Link Sharepoint/ Onedrive/ Google drive your collaboration space (optional)