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Topics For Today Chap02 My Husba
Topics For Today Chap02 My Husba
When my husband-to-be and I announced our engagement, people were curious about the kind of wedding
we would have. He is an Irish-Ukrainian from the Bronx, and a lapsed Catholic, while I am an American-born
Korean from New Jersey. Some of my husband's friends must have been expecting an exotic wedding
ceremony.
내 남편이 될 사람과 내가 약혼을 발표했을 때, 사람들은 우리가 어떤 결혼식을 치를까 궁금해했다. 그는 브롱크스
(Bronx, 뉴욕시 북부의 행정구) 출신의 아일랜드계 우크라이나인에 신앙심을 잃은 천주교 신자인 반면, 나는
미국태생인 뉴저지 출신의 한국인이다. 내 남편 친구들 몇 명은 분명 이국적인 결혼식을 기대했었을 것이다.
We disappointed many people. Far from being exotic, or even very religious, our ceremony was performed in
English by a Unitarian minister on a hotel balcony. But when my husband and I decided to have 50 guests
instead of 150, we caused an uproar among relatives and family friends, especially on the Korean side.
"It's very embarrassing," my father complained. "Everyone wants to know why you won't listen to me and
invite the people you should."
"Well, whose wedding is this, anyway?" I asked.
What a dumb question. I had forgotten for a moment that I was dealing with Koreans. It was bad enough that
I had decided to marry a non-Korean, but highly insulting that I wasn't giving everyone the chance to snicker
over it in person. I found out after the wedding that my father was asked, "How does it feel to have an
American son-in-law?"
"My son-in-law is a good man," he said. "Better to have a good American son-in-law than a bad Korean one."
He hadn't always felt that way. For years, he ignored the non-Koreans I was dating―it took him about a year
to remember my husband's name. But when I was a freshman in college, I dated my father's dream of a son-
in-law, David, an American-born Korean from a respected family, who was doing brilliantly at Harvard and had
plans for law school. When the relationship ended, my father preferred not to acknowledge the fact.
When it became clear that David would never be his son-in-law, my father started dropping hints at the
dinner table about some handsome and delightful young doctor working for him, who was right off the plane
from Seoul―there seemed to be a steady supply. This started during my senior year in college, and continued
until sometime after my engagement.
The one time I did go out with a Korean doctor was at my mother's request. "Please, just once," she said. "One
of my college friends has a son who wants to get married, and she thought of you"
내가 한국인 의사와 데이트를 한번 한 건 어머니의 부탁 때문이었다. “딱, 한번만 만나보렴,” 그녀가 말했다. “내
대학 동창 아들 중에 결혼하고 싶어하는 애가 있는데, 걔 엄마가 너를 생각해두고 있는 것 같더구나.”
"You expect me to go out with a guy who lets his mommy pick his dates?" I asked.
"He's very traditional," she explained. "If you refuse to meet him, my friend will think I'm too snobby to want
her son in our family. I'll lose face"
“걔가 순진해서 그래,” 그녀는 설명했다. “네가 걔를 만나는 걸 거절하면, 내 동창은 내가 너무 속물이어서 자기
아들을 사위로 우리 집안에 안 들이는 거라고 생각할거야. 그럼 내 체면이 뭐가 되니?”
"OK, just this once," I said reluctantly. A few days later, I sat in an Indian restaurant with the Korean doctor.
After several start-and-stop attempts at conversation, the doctor told me I should live in Korea for a while.
"Korea is a great country," he said. "I think you ought to appreciate it more. And you should learn to speak
Korean. I don't understand why you can't speak your native language."
“한국은 대단한 나라에요,” 그는 말했다. “당신도 그것을 더욱 감사해야 한다고 생각해요. 그리고 당신은 한국말을
배워야 해요. 저는 당신이 왜 모국어를 말할 수 없는지 이해가 안되네요.”
"English is my native language," I said "I wish I could speak Korean, but I don't have the time to learn it now."
"You are Korean," he insisted. "You should speak your mother tongue." A mouthful of food kept me from
saying more than "Mmmm," but I found myself stabbing my tandoori chicken with remarkable violence.
우리의 명백한 불화합에도 불구하고, 그 의사는 계속 나에게 데이트 신청을 했다. 그가 마침내 전화를 안 하기
전까지 몇 주 동안, 나는 저녁식사, 영화, 콘서트 초대, 심지어 부모님을 만나러 갈 때 태워준다는 것까지도
거절해야 했다.
During a visit to Seoul a few years later, I realized that this kind of dogged persistence during Korean
courtship was quite common. In fact, my own father had used it successfully. My mother told me he proposed
to her the day after they were introduced at a dinner given by matchmaking friends. She told him he was
crazy when she turned him down. Undaunted, he hounded her for three months until she finally gave in.
My parents have now been married for almost 40 years, but what worked for them wasn't about to work for
me. I think one reason my father didn't object to having a non-Korean son-in-law―aside from actually liking
my husband―was that he was relieved to have one at all.
When I was 24, he started asking me, "When are you going to make me a grandfather?"
And when I turned 25, the age when unmarried women in Korea are considered old maids, my other relatives
expressed their concern.
"Yes," I said.... I had met my future husband a few months earlier in an office where I was working as a
temporary secretary.
"No." My aunt considered this for a moment, then said, "You better hurry up and meet someone. Do you want
me to help?"
My husband saved me from spinsterhood. Just barely, in some eyes―I was married at 26. We received
generous gifts, many from people who hadn't been invited to the wedding. This convinced my father more
than ever that we should have invited all of his friends and relatives. He felt this way for several years, until
one of my sisters got engaged and made elaborate plans to feed and entertain 125 wedding guests.
내 남편은 나를 독신에서 구해줬다. 사람들의 관점에서 보면 나는 간신히 26에 결혼했다. 우리는 결혼식에
초대받지 못한 많은 사람들에게 후한 선물들을 받았다. 이 점이 아버지로 하여금 우리가 자기 친구분들과 친척들
모두를 초대했어야 했다고 더욱 확신하게 만들었다. 아버지는 내 여동생 중 하나가 약혼한 후 125명의 결혼식
하객들을 대접하는 정성스런 계획을 세울 때까지 몇 년간이나 이렇게 생각했다.
As the expenses mounted, my father took me aside and asked me to talk to my sister.
"Tell her she should have a small, simple wedding," he said."Like yours."
예식 비용이 점점 올라가자, 아버지는 나를 한쪽으로 부르시더니 나더러 동생에게 말하라고 일렀다. “걔한테 작고
간소한 결혼식을 치러야 한다고 말해 주렴,” 아버지는 말했다. “네가 했던 것처럼 말이야.”