Editing Review from Zaria

How is the essay organized? Does each paragraph contain one and only one main idea that
connects to the thesis? Does this organization help move the ideas forward? Tell the author if
the organization works or offer organization ideas.

The essay effectively organizes its content by starting with an introduction that introduces the
topic and establishes the author's thesis, followed by body paragraphs that go into specific
aspects of the article's analysis and concluding with a summary and reflection on its
effectiveness.

Where could the author use stronger transitions to strengthen connections between his/her
points?

Stronger transitions could strengthen connections between the author's points, particularly
between paragraphs. For example, clearer transitions could guide the reader from discussing
flaws in previous studies to the author's approach.

Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them in the text. If
you know the rule, then go ahead an offer advice to the author. If you do not know the rule, then
simply mention that something seems off.

No the author has no run-on, fragments, or comma splices.

Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Indicate these places
in the text.

The author could use more detail to illustrate their claims in several places. For instance, when
discussing the flaws in previous studies, providing specific examples or explanations of these
flaws would enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of the argument

Are the style and tone of the essay appropriate for the audience?

The style and tone are appropriate.

Are the sentences and word choices varied? Does the author use strong, active verbs and solid,
descriptive nouns? Indicate where the author could strengthen the verbs and nouns.

The sentences and word choices are varied to some extent, but there is room for improvement
in using stronger, more active verbs and solid, descriptive nouns. For instance, instead of saying
"the author uses logos," one could say "the author employs logos" to add variety to the writing
Is the author too repetitive or present too much information? In other words, does the essay
overwhelm you as a reader because there is too much information or underwhelm you because
there is too little information?

No, it does not show too much information, which would make it confusing.

Is the essay confusing because information has been omitted and/or too much information is
assumed to be known by the readers?

Actually, the essay is clear due to the information provided.

Is the essay in the correct MLA format?

Yes.

Indicate in the text the author’s strengths and weaknesses.

Strengths of the essay include clear organization, a strong thesis statement, and effective use of
evidence to support the author's arguments. However, weaknesses include the need for
stronger transitions and more detail to illustrate claims.

What are two or three revision suggestions you have for the writer?

Strengthen transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas and clarify the
connection between points.

Provide more specific detail to illustrate claims, particularly when discussing flaws in previous
studies and the author's approach

Content Review from Zaria

Does the author present a thesis statement about the rhetorical effectiveness of a
peer-reviewed article? Is this thesis clear and direct? What is it? Mark it in the text. What
suggestions do you have for the writer in order to strengthen the thesis? Has the author chosen
one (and only one) peer-reviewed article to analyze?

The thesis statement clearly identifies the rhetorical tools used in the article and its main
argument. However, it could be strengthened by specifying the intended audience and the
significance of the rhetorical analysis. Additionally, the author has chosen one peer-reviewed
article to analyze, which is evident from the focused discussion throughout the essay.

Does the essay include a controlling idea that is not obvious to everyone? In other words, does
it reveal something not everyone would know about how and why this peer-reviewed article is
used? Where can the author develop more of an analysis or more fully develop the ideas?
The essay includes a controlling idea that may not be obvious to everyone, particularly
regarding the specific rhetorical strategies employed in the peer-reviewed article.

Does the author use elements from the article to support the thesis made about it? What are
they? Mark them in the text. Are they used as good evidence? Indicate why or why not in the
text. What kind of evidence would help the writer demonstrate his/her point?

The author uses elements from the article to support the thesis, such as mentioning the authors'
use of ethos, logos, and proof to demonstrate their argument. These elements serve as good
evidence, as they directly relate to the main argument presented in the thesis.

Does the essay maintain a cohesive focus around the thesis? Does the author use solid
transitions to guide his/her ideas? Determine, as a reader, how you want to be presented with
the information. Does the organization work for you? Indicate suggestions for organization and
transitions. Also, mark any tangents that you find in the essay.

The essay maintains a cohesive focus around the thesis, with each paragraph addressing
different aspects of the rhetorical effectiveness of the peer-reviewed article.

Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Indicate these places
in the text.

The author should give a little background on the rhetorical devices used to assess the
peer-reviewed article.

Are the introduction and conclusion focused on the main point of the essay? Does the
conclusion answer the three questions? (1. Did I do what I said I would do? 2. Why is this
important? 3. What do I want my audience to do with this information?)

The introduction and conclusion are focused on the essay's main point, with the introduction
setting up the thesis and the conclusion summarizing the main points and emphasizing the
importance of the rhetorical analysis.

Indicate in the text the author’s strengths and weaknesses.

Strengths of the essay include clear organization, a strong thesis statement, and effective use of
evidence to support the author's arguments. However, weaknesses include the need for
stronger transitions and more detail to illustrate claims.

What three revision suggestions do you have for the writer?

Strengthen the thesis statement by specifying the intended audience and the significance of the
rhetorical analysis.
Provide more specific examples or quotations from the peer-reviewed article to support the
analysis and strengthen the connection to the thesis.
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas and clarify the connection
between points.

Indicate in the text where the author needs more details.

The author needs more details in analyzing the rhetorical strategies employed in the
peer-reviewed article.

Indicate in the text where the author needs more evidence.

The author needs more evidence to support the article's rhetorical effectiveness analysis. Direct
quotations or examples from the peer-reviewed article would strengthen the argument and
illustrate how the rhetorical strategies are implemented in practice

Indicate in the text three places where the author deserves praise for this essay.

The author deserves praise for effectively structuring the essay with clear organization and a
nice flow of ideas. Additionally, the thorough analysis of the rhetorical strategies employed in the
peer-reviewed article demonstrates a strong understanding of persuasive techniques.

Editing Review from Anna

1. How is the essay organized? Does each paragraph contain one and only one main idea
that connects to the thesis? Does this organization help move the ideas forward? Tell the
author if the organization works or offer organization ideas.

The essay is well-organized with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the
argument. The introduction sets up the topic and establishes the central question. The
paragraphs address different points such as the flaws in previous studies, the methodology
used in the author's research, and the results of the study. Each paragraph contains one
main idea that connects to the thesis, and this organization effectively moves the ideas
forward, leading the reader through a logical progression of the argument:)

2. Where could the author use stronger transitions to strengthen connections between
his/her points?

The author could use stronger transitions between paragraphs to enhance the coherence of
the essay and help readers follow the flow of ideas more smoothly. For example,
transitioning phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "In addition to this" could be
used to link related points together more effectively.

3. Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them in
the text. If you know the rule, then go ahead an offer advice to the author. If you do not
know the rule, then simply mention that something seems off.

I corrected some mistakes, see at the end of this document:)

4. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Indicate
these places in the text.

The author could use more detail in certain areas to further illustrate their claims. For
example, when discussing the flaws in previous studies, providing specific examples or
statistics could bolster the argument. Additionally, including more detailed explanations of
the methodology and results of the author's study would enhance the reader's
understanding of the topic.

5. Are the style and tone of the essay appropriate for the audience?

Yes, the style and tone of the essay are appropriate for the audience, maintaining a formal
and scholarly tone throughout.

6. Are the sentences and word choices varied? Does the author use strong, active verbs
and solid, descriptive nouns? Indicate where the author could strengthen the verbs and
nouns.

The sentences and word choices are varied, with strong, descriptive language used to
strengthen the author's points effectively. However, the author could change the verbs and
nouns in some areas to make the writing more dynamic and engaging. For example, instead
of "The author tackles this claim," the author could use a stronger verb like "addresses"
or "challenges."

7. Is the author too repetitive or present too much information? In other words, does the
essay overwhelm you as a reader because there is too much information or underwhelm
you because there is too little information?
While the essay provides a thorough analysis of the topic, there is a risk of repetition in
certain sections, particularly when discussing the flaws in previous studies. Simplifying
these sections and focusing on the most important points would prevent the essay from
becoming overwhelming for the reader.

8. Is the essay confusing because information has been omitted and/or too much
information is assumed to be known by the readers?

No, the essay is not confusing due to omitted information or assuming too much prior
knowledge by the readers.

9. Is the essay in the correct MLA format?

Yes, the essay appears to be in the correct MLA format, but for the Works cited page use
left-margin justification and hanging indents.

10. Strengths:

The author effectively organizes the essay with clear paragraph structure, each focusing on
a specific aspect of the argument.
Strong use of descriptive language and varied sentence structure maintains reader
engagement.
The author demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic and presents a
well-researched argument supported by evidence.

Weaknesses:

Some transitions between paragraphs could be stronger to enhance the coherence of the
essay.
Certain sections lack detail and could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to
bolster arguments.
There is a risk of repetition in certain areas, which could be streamlined to prevent the
essay from becoming overwhelming for the reader.

11. What are two or three revision suggestions you have for the writer?
Strengthen transitions between paragraphs to strenghten coherence and flow.

Add more detail to certain sections, such as providing specific examples or statistics to
bolster arguments.

Simplify sections that are repeated to prevent the reader from becoming overwhelmed by
the essay.

Content Review from Anna

1. Does the author present a thesis statement about the rhetorical effectiveness of a
peer-reviewed article? Is this thesis clear and direct? What is it? Mark it in the text. What
suggestions do you have for the writer in order to strengthen the thesis? Has the author
chosen one (and only one) peer-reviewed article to analyze?

The author presents a clear and direct thesis statement about the rhetorical effectiveness of
the peer-reviewed article. The thesis statement is: "The article, Golf courses and property
prices: Is it the golf or the open space? uses logos, ethos, and evidence from data to
effectively communicate his argument to the readers of his article." While the thesis is
clear, it could be strengthened by explicitly stating the main argument or central claim of
the article. Additionally, mentioning how the article contributes to the existing discourse on
the topic would make the thesis even better.

2. Does the essay include a controlling idea that is not obvious to everyone? In other
words, does it reveal something not everyone would know about how and why this
peer-reviewed article is used? Where can the author develop more of an analysis or more
fully develop the ideas?

The essay offers explanations that are not necessarily obvious to everyone about how and
why the peer-reviewed article is used. It explores the weaknesses of earlier research and
offers a fresh analytical strategy, offering a more thorough examination of the connection
between open space, golf courses, and housing prices. The author could further develop the
analysis of the flaws in previous studies and explain how the new methodological approach
contributes to a better understanding of the topic.

3. Does the author use elements from the article to support the thesis made about it? What
are they? Mark them in the text. Are they used as good evidence? Indicate why or why not
in the text. What kind of evidence would help the writer demonstrate his/her point?
The author effectively uses elements from the article to support the thesis, including quotes
from the author, data from studies, and references to literature reviews. Including more
specific data and statistics from the studies mentioned could further strengthen the
author's argument and provide more evidence.

4. Does the essay maintain a cohesive focus around the thesis? Does the author use solid
transitions to guide his/her ideas? Determine, as a reader, how you want to be presented
with the information. Does the organization work for you? Indicate suggestions for
organization and transitions. Also, mark any tangents that you find in the essay.

The essay maintains a cohesive focus around the thesis, with solid transitions guiding the
ideas from the introduction to the conclusion. The organization generally works well, but
there are a few tangents that could be addressed for smoother flow. Transitions such as
"Moving on from the logos related strategies" and "Adding onto the explanation of the
study" help connect different sections of the essay, but some transitions could be more
defined to clearly guide the reader through the analysis.

5. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Indicate
these places in the text.

The author could use more detail in explaining the methodology of the peer-reviewed
article and in analyzing the data presented. This would further illustrate the claims being
made and provide a deeper understanding for the reader.

6. Are the introduction and conclusion focused on the main point of the essay? Does the
conclusion answer the three questions? (1. Did I do what I said I would do? 2. Why is this
important? 3. What do I want my audience to do with this information?)

Both the introduction and conclusion are focused on the main point of the essay. The
conclusion answers the three questions effectively, summarizing the main findings and
emphasizing the significance of the article's contribution to the topic.

7. Indicate in the text the author’s strengths and weaknesses.

The essay does a good job of using evidence from the peer-reviewed article to back up its
points. For example, it quotes Geoffrey Propheter's article to highlight flaws in previous
studies and explain the method used in Propheter's own study. This strengthens the essay's
argument and makes it more credible. Another strong point is how the essay explains the
methodology of Propheter's study, like the "difference-in-difference" technique. This shows
the essay writer really understands the article's approach. However, there are some areas
where the essay could be improved. It talks about the author's use of ethos strategies but
doesn't explain how these strategies make the article more effective. Also, the essay could
go into more detail about the data and results in Propheter's article, including what the
statistics mean for the argument. Adding this analysis would make the essay stronger and
give a better overall evaluation of the article's effectiveness.

8. What three revision suggestions do you have for the writer?

Clearly demonstrate the main argument and how it impacts the issue to strengthen and
clarify the thesis statement.

Give more information and analysis, especially when describing the peer-reviewed article's
methodology and data analysis.

To guarantee a smoother flow, avoid getting sidetracked and improve the transitions
between sections.

9. Indicate in the text where the author needs more details.

The author needs to provide more details in explaining the methodology of the
peer-reviewed article. For example, while the essay briefly mentions the
"difference-in-difference" technique used in the study, it could benefit from a more
thorough explanation of how this technique was applied and why it was chosen over other
methods. Additionally, more detail could be provided about the specific variables and
control groups used in the study, as well as any potential limitations or biases in the
methodology. In terms of analyzing the data presented in the peer-reviewed article, the
essay could provide more detailed discussion of the statistical findings and their
implications for the argument being made. For instance, instead of simply mentioning that
there was a 6.5% premium for homes adjacent to the golf course, the essay could delve into
what this premium means in terms of actual dollar amounts and how it compares to other
factors affecting home prices in the area. Furthermore, the essay needs to provide more
context for the literature reviews referenced in the peer-reviewed article. While it mentions
the existence of other studies on the topic, it does not provide enough information about the
findings of these studies or how they relate to the argument being made in the article.
Including more context about the existing research would help readers better understand
the significance of the peer-reviewed article's contribution to the field.

10. Indicate in the text where the author needs more evidence.

While the essay effectively uses evidence from the peer-reviewed article, including more
specific data and statistics could further strengthen the argument. For example, instead of
simply summarizing the findings of the study, the essay could provide specific numerical
results and statistical analyses to support its claims. This would make the argument
stronger and provide readers with a clearer understanding of the evidence backing up the
essay's points.

11. Indicate in the text three places where the author deserves praise for this essay.

Clear thesis statement that establishes the main focus of the essay.

Effective use of evidence from the peer-reviewed article to support the argument.

Cohesive organization that guides the reader through the analysis of the article's rhetorical
effectiveness.