Assertiveness

• Meaning of assertiveness

• Difference between passive, aggressive and assertive behaviour

• Importance of assertiveness

• Ways to help children improve their assertive behaviour

1
 What is Assertiveness?

Assertive is:
 knowing what a person wants and why
 communicating one’s views, feelings, needs and preferences in a way that
is not threatening or harmful to other people
 respecting other people’s rights, feelings, dignity and privacy
 standing up for yourself and for what you believe is right
 expressing your views clearly and fluently without being aggressive
 standing up for your own and other people’s rights in a reasonable way
 allowing other people an opportunity to express their opinions
 having courage to express your feelings even about difficult issues in a
respectful and honest manner

2
 Passive, aggressive and assertive behaviour
Assertive behaviour
• is an act of declaring what
you are, what you think;
what you feel; and what you
want
• is non-egotistical (selfish)
and active
• contributes to open and
direct expression of your
feelings and thoughts
• leads to mutual satisfaction
at achieving the desired goal
• allows other people to
make choices
Aggressive behaviour
 is forcefully demanding
what you want, e.g. being
loud and intimidating
 does not respect other
people’s feelings, rights or
options
 is expressing your needs
and wants freely but
without thinking of others’
feelings
 can also be inform of lying
and misrepresenting facts
 is a self-enhancing and
egotistical approach
 does not allow people
make choices
Passive behaviour
 is knowing your rights,
preferences, needs feelings
but you are too timid to
stand up and communicate
effectively
 seeking to avoid conflict
 allows other people to
make choices for you and
advantage of you
 is an act of withdrawing
from the situation
 results in a person denying
his own feelings and
opinions
 leads to experiencing guilt
and anger
3
 Importance of being assertive

Assertiveness enables you to :

• ask what you want or say no in a simple way that does not negate, attack
or manipulate someone
• communicate your feelings and needs honestly and directly while
maintaining respect and consideration for other people
• stand up for yourself and your rights without apologizing or feeling guilty
• take responsibility for getting your needs met in a way that preserves the
dignity of people
• engage in fulfilling relationships

4
 Ways to improve Assertive behaviours

 Identify the thought patterns that underpin (reinforce) your passive

behaviours to find effective ways of challenging or overcoming them
 Think of positive statements (positive self-talks) to encourage you to take a
chance and express your needs in a reasonable manner
 Set yourself realistic targets (do not expect yourself to be assertive
overnight)
 Congratulate yourself for any successes in behaving a little more assertive

 Do not put yourself under pressure to be perfect – just do your best and
seek support if necessary

5
 Ways – 2

 Make known your own desires and feelings – do not be sidetracked by others.
Make a short but clear statement about your goals
 Express feelings about a situation without threatening others

 Make a non-assertive person open up, e.g. say: “I don’t understand why you are
so up tight’
 Understand that assertive responses are usually:

- characterized by “I” not “You” statements

- effective in getting other to change
- a low-risk of hurting a relationship