Attraction Has an Expiration Date

By Chase Amante

A guy meets a girl he likes. He

starts talking to her, and there's
electricity in the air. Attraction.
He can tell she likes him. A lot,
even.

She tells him all kinds of things

about herself, her eyes wide and
filled with excitement. It feels as
though there's a bubble around
them, in which only they exist;
the outside world falls away.

For a while, as time passes, the

energy and enthusiasm only
builds. It builds and builds, until
it hits a peak; a crescendo. And then... it begins to fade.

The guy panics mentally; he can tell he's losing this girl, whom he
felt so sure was his only minutes before. He works hard, trying to
turn things around, to reignite the passion that was there. But alas,
his efforts fail, and the fire dies.

He's fallen victim to a painful fact of life and love: attraction has an
expiration date.

But what's more painful is, guys almost never realize this is why they
failed. Usually they assume it was a value problem, or that they
need to get better at maintaining attraction.
If only they knew the truth: they did just fine with attraction. It was,
ultimately, that failure to act in a timely enough manner that led
them to losing the girl.

Does Attraction Expire?

The first time we talked about this subject on this blog was in "Move
Faster," the original post about moving quickly with women to
capitalize on open escalation windows. This post is going to cover
some similar ground, but the phrasing is a little different and I think
the concept of attraction having an expiration date is rather a new
one and one worth writing on.

Personally, I am, by nature, a rather risk-averse guy. I tend toward

inaction over action, like, most probably, a majority of people out of
there. Now, I've pushed myself for a long time to take bold action
and force myself into taking some risks, so I do tend to take a lot
more risks than most folks, but I still have a tendency to fall back on
risk-averse behavior in some circumstances.

Because of this, I've lost... oh, quite possibly hundreds of women.

And that includes everything from sultry looks from beautiful women
whom I absolutely should've opened and didn't, to women I had in
my bed that I gave up on too soon and never closed the deal with.
Girls I'd been well into the last 5% with; heck, some of them I'd
been into the last 0.5% with.

Some of those I still kick myself over. The tall, sexy Brazilian girl
who'd been making out with me in the nightclub, whose top I'd had
off, who suddenly panicked last minute and charged out of the
room. But she wasn't sure she wanted to leave; she needed me to
reassure her. But I took too long, and lost her. The spunky,
adventurous Thai girl I spent a night with and from whose bed I rose
early without sleeping with her, only to have her kiss me
passionately and all but beg me to stay, but I'd grown too weary and
left when I should've just closed things out. The stunning Indian girl
sprawled out on my bed, paging through my coffee table book
SuperSex, that I should've just jumped onto bed with and given what
we both wanted.

All those girls and a lot more I lost for want of capitalizing on their
attraction while it was on the table. I ignored the dictum that
attraction has an expiration date; and instead I let attraction expire.
We never got together.

And when you miss a girl like this, your life's the poorer for it, and
her life's the poorer for it. You miss out on incredible opportunities
to experience each other because of your inaction. Because make
no mistake, women won't take action for you. They're waiting for
you to take action.

And while they wait, the clock is ticking.

Attraction's Expiration Date

Why does attraction expire? If two people are suited for each other,
they ought to have all the time in the world to get together, one
might think.

I first noticed that attraction had an expiration date back in college. I

noticed that girls in my classes who'd stare at me all day and smile
at me and flirt with me would only do it for a time; gradually, as they
flirted and I took no action, they'd come to lose interest, and
eventually they'd move on.

And then, they'd even end up being outright cold. I didn't know it at
the time, but what I was experiencing from them was auto-
rejection – and it was I who was to blame for their coldness.
Inaction on the part of the man leads women to give up and lose
hope.

But when I actively started cold-approaching, it all happened so fast

I had to learn it all over again. It seemed like something different
altogether; whereas before, attraction's expiration date with girls in
my classes seemed to be months or even years after I first met
them, the expiration date on strangers I'd just met seemed to at
times be minutes or even seconds later.

So, at first, I didn't think it was the same phenomenon. It couldn't be.
Could it?

I did the thing most guys do, and I focused on pumping my value. I
made myself into a more and more attractive guy. I got a cooler and
cooler life: a well-regarded, prestigious job; travel to fun, exotic
places; invitations to exclusive clubs, parties, and events.

But it seemed like the more amazing a man I made myself, the
quicker girls went cold on me. And it began to drive me absolutely
crazy. "How on Earth do I fix this?" I'd think to myself.

Eventually some of the pieces started coming together. I learned to

talk about myself a lot less and get girls talking about themselves
much more. It didn't make much sense at first, but I couldn't dispute
the fact that women seemed to be more interested in me when I told
them fewer cool things about myself, and just focused on exuding
coolness and sexiness without talking about it.

And I learned to move faster. I even found that I had a far higher
percentage chance of sleeping with a girl on the first date than I did
on the second. That blew my mind a little bit.

To think I used to not try to sleep with girls on the first date because
I thought I might lose them that way. Turns out, the opposite is
true: NOT trying to sleep with girls on the first date was what
was losing them for me.

And that's because, as it turns out, attraction has an expiration date.

It's only good while it lasts. Get girls while they're hot. For a limited
time only. Going, going... gone.

Once I realized it, it changed things for me in a BIG way. No more

hemming and hawing and thinking, "Maybe I'll just wait a little
longer." No more internal clocks saying, "It's too soon for this to
happen!" No more inaction because too little time had passed.

Instead, I started moving a lot more speedily, I skipped steps and

cut corners wherever I could, and my results went up. A lot. Like, it
wasn't even close.

And, as thrilled as I was at the huge boost in success rates, I had to

ask myself: "Why is this so? Why are women so much more willing
to go to bed with men who move fast with them, and why is there a
sell-by date stamped onto attraction?"

Best If Used By

The funny thing about attraction is that men tend to internally take
full personal responsibility for it, but never stop to consider that,
perhaps, women might also be doing the same exact thing.

But in fact, they often are.

When I point out to girls that a guy likes them whom they don't want
to like them, at times I've had them ask me if they were doing
something wrong or coming off in a way that made the guy
interested.
They're taking responsibility for his interest.

Likewise, if a girl likes you, but you don't do anything... again, she'll
take responsibility. And inside, she'll tell herself she failed to attract
you.

And failure don't feel so great.

So, what women end up doing is the same thing men end up doing
when they decide someone doesn't like them and isn't responding
to them; they write them off.

"Ah, who needs him?" a girl thinks. "Who cares if he doesn't like
me?"

Now, you might be saying, "But I TOLD her I like her!" And, that
might be true. But if you didn't tell her soon enough, and if you
didn't back your words up with action, it wasn't enough.

Women can turn their opinions of a man on a dime. They can be in

love with him and going crazy hoping he walks up to them one
moment, and then he hesitates a split second and they decide they
hate his guts. Let her linger with the feeling she hates you for 5
seconds, and then you decide to approach her... by the time
you get there, she doesn't even want to talk to you anymore.

Sometimes the girls who give you puppy dog eyes before you meet
them will be colder to you than anyone else if they think they were
obvious about their attraction and you took too long to come meet
them.

As a guy, this probably sounds crazy to you. So, let me explain.

Another lifetime ago, I had a social phobia. I was literally afraid of

doing anything actively with people. I turned the cool kids down
when they invited me to their parties, and I turned the pretty,
popular girls down when they asked me out, because I was afraid to
say yes. Sounds crazy, I know, but I was. The only way I could get
any kind of attention was by attracting people's interest and having
them come up to me.

And let me tell you... it sucked. It absolutely, positively SUCKS big

time to be sitting there waiting and hoping for someone to come talk
to you. Waiting and hoping that cute girl you like comes and flirts
with you and maybe even asks you out. And if she doesn't, well,
some of the time you'll even shrug and say to yourself, "Eh, who
needs her."

This is how women feel ALL THE TIME, because most women
are trapped in a perpetual state of waiting and hoping for men
to take action. They aren't going to walk up to you and start talking
to you, 99.7% of the time; it violates every law of male-female
dynamics.

So all they can do is look at you longingly and hope you come talk to
them.

All they can do is hint to you in conversation they want you to stop
joking around and start getting to know them.

All they can do is suggest to you they want you to take them home
and give them a night to remember.

All they can do is joke to you they want you to become lovers with
them.

And, if their efforts to get you moving things forward fall on deaf
ears, and you don't take action, and you don't move things forward,
they become bitter for it, and they close off to your future efforts.
Get 'Em While They're Hot

So what do you do if attraction is a fast-vanishing thing?

1. Pay attention to
what women are
telling you. This
goes for both verbal
and nonverbal cues.
Look at her eyes – is
she looking at you
excitedly? Look at
her body language –
is she leaning in?
Listen to her words –
is she asking you
where you live, or
whether you have
roommates, or how far away your place is? These are all signs
she wants you to move things forward, fast.

2. Shoot first, ask questions later. If you're not sure whether a

girl wants you to move things forward or not – try. Trying and
failing won't set you back too much; she'll just know you mean
business. But not trying – that kills your chances, because it
lets her attraction expire. Always err on the side of action
over inaction, especially when you're not sure which way to
go. Better to try and fail and learn than never try at all and never
know and never improve.

3. Always be moving forward. Something I was very guilty of for

a long time, and that I see a lot of guys perpetually are, was of
ending up in these situations where you aren't moving forward
 with the girl, and just hovering there for a long time. Women
see this for what it is: stalling. Stalling just gives women time
to feel disappointed and let their attraction expire. The instant
an interaction starts feeling stagnant, you've been there too
long. Take bold action and move things forward.

Beat attraction to the expiration date. It makes such a colossal

difference in your interactions; I can't stress doing it enough.
Women will be glad you capitalized on their attraction before it
expired – and so will you!

Wishing you many speedy interactions and a 0% expiration rate,

Chase Amante

About the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of

being alone. So, he set to work and read
every book he could find, studied every
teacher he could meet, and talked to
every girl he could talk to to figure out
dating. After four years, scads of lays, and
many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he
launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about
girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASEʼS MASTERY PACKAGE

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