KẾT QUẢ ĐÁNH GIÁ KỸ NĂNG VIẾT (WRITING)

Họ tên Học viên Nguyễn Đức Minh Ngày test 09/12/2023

Giáo viên chấm bài Phan Thành Nhân

Điểm số 3.5/9

Correction (Chỉnh sửa bài viết)

Student’s essay:
The bar chart illustrates the amount of leisure time by the two genders and different employment
statuses.

Overall, the amount of time of women was more than man and there were two special employment
statuses because it was women only.

The first is employed (full time), at first glance, it is easy to see that the amount of time of men was
higher than women at nearly 40 hours and nearly 50 hours, respectively. The next are unemployed
and retired, they had the same amount of time in men and women and they were the highest amount
of time of two genders. Moreover, this amount for women was double compared to the least time.

After that are two remain group which are employed (part time) and housewives. These were unique
because it just only women. Employed (part time) had the same amount with employed (full time) at
nearly 40 hours. While housewives had exactly 50 hours.

Teacher’s correction:
The bar chart illustrates the amount of leisure time spent by the two genders and with
different employment statuses.

Overall, the amount of time of women was more than man and there were two special
employment statuses because it was women only.
Incorrect and inapproriate overview

The first is employed (full time), In terms of full-time employed individuals, at first glance,
it is easy to see that the amount of time of men was higher than women at nearly 40 hours
and nearly 50 hours, respectively. The next are unemployed and retired, they had the same
amount of time in men and women and they were the highest amount of time of two
genders. Moreover, this amount for women was double compared to the least time.

After that are two remain group which are employed (part time) and housewives. These
 were unique because it just only women. Employed (part time) had the same amount with
employed (full time) at nearly 40 hours. While housewives had exactly 50 hours.

Kiểm tra lỗi không hợp lệ

Bài viết hợp lệ

Detailed remarks (Đánh giá chi tiết)

1. Task Response/ Task Achievement (Khả năng trả lời bài thi):3
The response does not address the requirements of the task
Hiểu sai yêu cầu đề bài/lạc đề. Đề hỏi về leisure time, không phải working time, Overview cũng
sai

2. Lexical Resources (Vốn từ vựng):4

The resource is limited and inadequate for or unrelated to the task.
Từ vựng còn bị trùng lặp, vốn từ hạn hẹp và lặp từ nhiều, nhiều chỗ gây khó hiểu vì sử dụng từ
chưa phù hợp
3. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (Độ chính xác và đa dạng trong ngữ pháp):4
Examples of more complex structures are not marked by the same level of accuracy as in simple
structures.
- Vẫn có lỗi ngữ pháp và dấu câu và ảnh hưởng đến nội dung. Thiếu sự linh hoạt dù đã
cố gắng sử dụng các cấu trúc câu khác nhau
4. Coherence and Cohesion (Tính liên kết, mạch lạc và tổ chức bài viết):7
There is no apparent logical organisation. Ideas are discernible but difficult to relate to each
other.
Chưa sử dụng ược các phương tiện liên kết câu, giưa các câu văn mô tả chưa có sự
thống nhất về ngữ nghĩa và số liệu report còn lộn xộn, chưa khoa học

Lưu ý: Kết quả kiểm tra sẽ được bảo lưu trong vòng 02 tháng sau khi làm bài.

Trân trọng cảm ơn,

ICAN IELTS team
 KẾT QUẢ ĐÁNH GIÁ KỸ NĂNG VIẾT (WRITING)

Họ tên Học viên Nguyễn Đức Minh Ngày test 19/12/2023

Giáo viên chấm bài Phan Thành Nhân

Điểm số 5/9

Correction (Chỉnh sửa bài viết)

Student’s essay:
Nowadays, there is a dangerous issue that every countries have to face is environmental pollution. In
my view, there are two main factors that caused this problem and the authorities should take
responsibility.

There are many reasons why the environment is polluted but I think there are two main reasons.
Firstly, it is human activities because we have a lot of things that have caused pollution. One
example is the private vehicles we use and the emissions from factories have caused air pollution.
Besides, the treatment of rubbish does not really has important attention from us, this can brings not
only air pollution and also water pollution. Secondly, weather disasters can be a reason two. To my
knowledge, some disasters such as storms, tsunamis or earthquakes have destroyed a lot of forest
which is the main oxygen provide of world. Consequently, many animals died and it reduced the
diversity of creatures.

From these reasons, I think the head of country should have responsible and give some advice to
tackle this problem. They should do this because they are the leader of the country so they are the
person who know the most of these problems. However, each person should gain awareness too.

In summary, environmental problems are the difference of whole world and it can be caused by
many reasons. So that each person especially the authorities must attend to this issue.

Teacher’s correction:
Nowadays, there is a dangerous issue that every countries have to face is environmental
pollution. In my view, there are two main factors that caused can be attributed to this
problem and the authorities should take responsibility of addressing it.

There are many two reasons accounting for why the environment is polluted the
environmental degradation but I think there are two main reasons. Firstly, it is human
activities because we have done a lot of things that have caused pollution. One example is
the private vehicles we use and the emissions from factories the toxic fume and hazardous
chemical released from vehicles and factories have caused air pollution. Besides, we do not
pay enough attention to rubbish treatment the treatment of rubbish does not really has
 important attention from us, this which can brings not only air pollution and but also water
pollution. Secondly, weather disasters can be a reason two. To my knowledge As a matter of
fact, some disasters such as storms, tsunamis or earthquakes have destroyed a lot of forests
which is are the main source of oxygen provide of world. This lead to the death of many
flora and fauna, which would adversely affect the biadiversity. Consequently, many animals
died and it reduced the diversity of creatures.

From these reasons, I think the head of country should have be responsible and for give
giving some advice to tackle this problem. They should do this because they are the leader
of the country so they are the person who know the most of these problems could fully
comprehend the essence of this problem. However, each person should gain awareness be
aware of this alarming issue too.

In summary, environmental problems are the difference of whole world and it can be caused
by many reasons environmental degradation are such a serious problem faced by many
countries around the world. So that each person especially the authorities must shoulder the
responsibility to address attend to this issue.

Kiểm tra lỗi không hợp lệ

Bài viết hợp lệ

Detailed remarks (Đánh giá chi tiết)

1. Task Response/ Task Achievement (Khả năng trả lời bài thi): 5
The response generally addresses the requirements of the task
Trả lời các phần của câu hỏi đầy đủ và hợp lý nhưng quan điểm chưa rõ ràng, nhiều chỗ ý tưởng
chưa được phát triển tốt, còn thiếu luận cứ support
2. Lexical Resources (Vốn từ vựng):5
The resource is limited but minimally adequate for the task.
Sử dụng được những từ vựng căn bản nhưng còn thiếu đa dạng và linh hoạt khi paraphrasing. Có
vài lỗi sai trong khi dùng từ nhưng không ảnh hưởng nhiều đến ngữ nghĩa của toàn câu. Còn lỗi
spelling

3. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (Độ chính xác và đa dạng trong ngữ pháp):5
The range of structures is limited and rather repetitive.
Sử dụng các câu đơn và số ít câu phức với mức độ chính xác thấp. Vài chỗ diễn đạt
bị dài dòng và thiếu sự linh hoạt
4. Coherence and Cohesion (Tính liên kết, mạch lạc và tổ chức bài viết):5
The relationship of ideas can be followed but the sentences are not fluently linked to each other.
Thiếu linh hoạt trong việc các phương tiện liên kết câu, còn bị cứng nhắc, các ý tưởng chưa có
sự kết nối và còn lủng củng. Còn mắc lỗi repetition

Lưu ý: Kết quả kiểm tra sẽ được bảo lưu trong vòng 02 tháng sau khi làm bài.
Trân trọng cảm ơn,
ICAN IELTS team