[Man] Mission Control,

‫مركز التحكم‬
2
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:22,021
come in.
‫أجب‬
3
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,024
Mission control,
‫مركز التحكم‬
4
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,024
do you read?
‫هل تسمعني؟‬
5
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:28,821
Mayday!
‫النجدة‬
6
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:30,364
Mayday!
‫النجدة‬
7
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:35,035
{\an1}On reentry into Earth's orbit,
‫عند العودة إلى مدار األرض‬
8
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:35,035
I seem to have fallen into
‫ يبدو أنني وقعت في‬..
9
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:38,497
{\an1}I don't know, some kind of tear
‫ يبدو شيئا ً من التمزق‬,‫أنا ال أعلم‬
10
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:38,497
in time and space.
‫في الزمان والمكان‬
11
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,291
{\an1}My coordinates are unknown.
ً ‫المعالم ليست واضاحا‬
12
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,544
Is this even Earth?
‫أيعقل إنها األرض؟‬
13
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,420
Ship's instrument indicate
‫تشير أداة السفينة إلى‬
14
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:49,800
should be White Sands,
‫أنه يجب أن تكون الرمال بيضاء‬
15
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:49,800
New Mexico, obvious error.
‫خطأ واضح في المكسيك الجديدة‬
16
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:52,803
Is anyone receiving this?
‫هل أحدا ً ما ً يتلقى هذا؟‬
17
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:52,803
Come back.
‫!أجبني‬
18
00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:54,471
[ animal roars ]

Recovery team!
‫فريق اإلنقاذ‬
20
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:02,396
Recovery team,
‫فريق اإلنقاذ‬
21
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:02,396
fix coordinates now!
ً ‫!! حددوا اإلحداثيات فورا‬
22
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:06,107
Where the hell am I?
‫أين أنا بحق الجحيم؟‬
23
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:06,107
Somebody respond!
‫! احد ما ً يجيب‬
24
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,109
Recovery team, come back,
‫أجب‬, ‫! فريق اإلنقاذ‬
25
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,109
goddamn it!
ً ‫سحقا‬
26
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,863
{\an5}Does anybody--
‫هل هناك احد؟‬
27
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,863
[ cries out ]

Oh, God, oh, God!

‫ يا إلهي‬, ‫يا إلهي‬
29
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,450
{\an5}[ thud ]

Does anyone re--

‫هل هناك احد ؟‬
31
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,083
{\an5}No!
‫! ال‬
32
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,083
[ roars ]

{\an1}[Announer] This is "Today,"

‫في هذا اليوم‬
34
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:32,009
with Matt Lauer.
‫مع ماثيو الور‬
35
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:34,011
We're back now with
‫نحن نعود مع‬
36
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:34,011
Dr. Rick Marshall,
‫ ريك مارشال‬.‫د‬
37
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:36,805
{\an8}whose new book arrives
‫الذي يصل كتابه الجديد‬
38
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:36,805
{\an8}in stores tomorrow.
ً ‫في المتاجر غدا‬
39
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,850
It was back in Oslo,
‫عاد إلى اوسلو‬
40
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,850
doctor, last month
‫ الشهر الماضي‬,‫دكتور‬
41
00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:42,143
that you just startled
‫أنك ذهلت للتو‬
42
00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:42,143
your colleagues
‫زمالئك‬
43
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,729
with this theory of yours
‫بنظريتك هذه‬
44
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,898
that takes science in
‫التي تأخذ العلم في‬
45
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,898
{\an1}a completely new direction.
ً ‫اتجاه جديد تماما‬
46
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,441
-Quantum--
‫الكمومية‬
47
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,441
-Quantum Paleontology.
‫علم الحفريات الكمومية‬
48
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:48,609
Quantum Paleontology,

that's correct.
‫هذا صحيح‬
50
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,110
What exactly is that?
‫ما هو ذلك بالضبط؟‬
51
00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:53,154
Well, it's-- it's,
‫ أنه‬,ً ‫ حسنا‬..
52
00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:53,154
uh, not to say modestly,
‫أال نقول بتواضع‬
53
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,823
{\an1}it's our very future, Matt.
‫أنه مستقبلنا مات‬
54
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,700
{\an1}It's the only real solution
‫أنه الحل الوحيد الحقيقي‬
55
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:59,369
{\an1}to solving this fossil fuel
‫لحل هذا الوقود األحفوري‬
56
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:59,369
crisis we're experiencing,
‫نحن نجربه‬
57
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,538
and it boils down to
‫وهو يتخلص في‬
58
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,538
two simple words.
‫كلمتين بسيطتين‬
59
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:04,207
-Renewable biofuels.
‫الوقود الحيوي المتجدد‬
60
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:04,207
-Close.
‫قريب‬
61
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,460
Time warps.
‫دوامات الزمن‬
62
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,087
-Time warps?
‫دوامات الزمن؟‬
63
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,087
-Time warps?

{\an1}-You're serious about this.

‫هل أنت جاد بهذا؟‬
65
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,171
{\an1}-I'm deadly serious.
‫أنا جاد للغاية‬
66
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,424
Uh, five years,
‫خمس سنين‬
67
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,424
over $50 million
‫ مليون‬50 ‫اكثر من‬
68
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,301
on my research.
‫في بحثي‬
69
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:15,844
You've spent $50 million
‫ مليون‬50 ‫ أنفقت‬..
70
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,596
of your own money
‫من مالك الخاص‬
71
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,596
studying time warps?
‫تدرس دوامات الزمن؟‬
72
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,180
No, that's adorable.
‫ ذلك جميل‬,‫ال‬
73
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,182
No, uh, taxpayers' money.
‫ اموال الضرائب‬,‫ال‬
74
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,182
I don't have $50 million.
‫ مليون‬50 ‫أنا ليس لدي‬
75
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,184
And now you're asking
‫واآلن أنت تسأل‬
76
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,184
for more?
‫للمزيد ؟‬
77
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:25,729
{\an4}-It's all explained
‫شي موضح‬ ْ ‫كل‬
78
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:25,729
{\an1}in my book.
‫في كتابي‬
79
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:25,729
{\an1}-I know, we plugged the book.
‫ لقد قرأنا الكتاب‬,‫أعلم ذلك‬
80
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,439
My Other Car
‫سيارتي األخرى‬
81
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,439
Is A Time Machine.
‫إنها آلة زمن‬
82
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,941
Bantam Books.
‫كتب بانتام‬
83
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,941
Amazon.
‫امازون‬
84
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,859
We're living
‫اننا نعيش‬
85
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,859
in a time right now,
‫اآلن في وقت‬
86
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,528
uh, with huge cuts
‫التخفيضات ضخمة‬
87
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,528
in spend-- I saw,
‫ ارى‬,‫في اإلنفاق‬
88
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,405
-huge cuts in spending.
‫تخفيضات ضخمة في اإلنفاق‬
89
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,405
-Right.
‫صحيح‬
90
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,198
We're in dire
‫نحن في ضائقة‬
91
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,198
economic straits,
‫اقتصادية رهيبة‬
92
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,409
and you're spending
‫وأنت تنفق‬
93
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,409
$50 million
50 ‫مليون‬
94
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:40,869
on studying time warps.
‫! على دراسة دوامات الزمن‬
95
00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:43,204
How do you not think
‫كيف لك إن ال تعتقد‬
96
00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:43,204
that's irresponsible?
‫أنك غير مسؤول‬
97
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,456
-Well, I--
‫ أنا‬, ً ‫حسنا‬
98
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,456
-Are you smoking?
‫هل أنت تدخن؟‬
99
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,791
No, I'm making
‫ أنا اصنع‬,‫كال‬
100
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,791
a balloon animal here.
‫حيوان بالوني هنا‬
101
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,626
But you can't smoke
‫لكن ال يمكنك التدخين‬
102
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,626
in the studio.
‫في االستديو‬
103
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,211
{\an1}-Okay, no one told me that.
‫ ال أحد أخبرني بذلك‬, ً ‫حسنا‬
104
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,211
{\an1}-Just, you can't.
‫ ال تستطيع‬, ‫فقط‬
105
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,588
Look-- fine.
ً ‫ حسنا‬,‫أنظر‬
106
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,215
There are huge,
‫هناك كميات‬
107
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,215
huge amounts
‫كميات هائلة‬
108
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:57,511
{\an1}of trans-dimensional energy
‫من الطاقة العابرة األبعاد‬
109
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:57,511
{\an1}out there just waiting for us
‫هناك فقط في انتظارنا‬
110
00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:00,055
to throw the switch--
‫لتجنب أزمة‬
111
00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:00,055
energy crisis averted.
‫طاقة التبديلية‬
112
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,641
You are asking people
‫أنت تسأل الناس‬
113
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,641
to stake the entire future
‫لمخاطرة المستقبل‬
114
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,601
{\an5}-of industrialized
‫الحضارة‬
115
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,601
civilization...
‫الصناعية‬
116
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,601
-Mm-hmm.

on what you call

‫ماذا تطلق على؟‬
118
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:07,228
"parallel dimensions."
‫ابعاد موازية‬
119
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,231
What about the critics who
‫ماذا عن النقاد الذين‬
120
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,231
{\an1}have a fair question, doctor?
‫لديهم سؤال عادل؟‬
121
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,567
They say this theory
‫يقولو إن نظريتك‬
122
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,567
of yours is not science.
‫علما‬
ً ‫هذه ليست‬
123
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,235
It is non-science.
‫! إنها غير علمية‬
124
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:16,655
{\an1}And some are even more blunt
‫وبعضها أكثر صراحة‬
125
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:16,655
{\an1}and they say, "it's nonsense."
‫ويقولون إنها هراء‬
126
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,949
{\an1}-How do you respond to that?
‫كيف ترد على هؤالك‬
127
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,949
{\an1}-My critics?
‫نقادي ؟‬
128
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,575
Your critics,
‫نقادك‬
129
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:20,575
{\an1}and there are a lot of 'em.
‫هناك الكثير منهم‬
130
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,244
-Can you be more specific?
‫هل من الممكن أن تكون أكثر دقة؟‬
131
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,244
-Stephen Hawking.
‫ستيفين هوكينج‬
132
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,664
Stephen Hawking
‫ستيفين هوكينج‬
133
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,664
says this is nonsense.
‫يقول أنه هراء‬
134
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,124
That's his word.
‫إنها كلمته‬
135
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:28,876
Okay, you know what?
‫ انت تعلم ذلك‬,ً ‫حسنا‬
136
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:28,876
This interview's over.
‫! هذا اللقاء انتهى‬
137
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,086
{\an5}-Why?
‫لماذا؟‬
138
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,086
-'Cause, like,
‫ألن مثلما‬
139
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,086
your producer said
‫قال منتجك‬
140
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,295
{\an1}you wouldn't bring that up,
‫أنك لن تذكر ذلك‬
141
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,295
all right?
‫حسن‬
142
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,588
It's a fair question.
‫أنه سؤال عادل‬
143
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,423
No, it's not!
‫ ليس كذلك‬,‫كال‬
144
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,423
It's a hatchet job!
‫انها وظيفة حقد‬
145
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,343
{\an5}-That was my guest
‫هذا ضيفي‬
146
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,343
Dr. Rick Marshall...
‫ ريك مارشال‬.‫د‬
147
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,343
- Goddamn right it was!
‫اللعنة ! على حق‬
148
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,054
whose book arrives
‫الذي كتابه يصل‬
149
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,054
in stores tomorrow.
ً ‫في المتاجر غدا‬
150
00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:41,638
You might want to look
‫ربما تريد إلقاء النظر‬
151
00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:41,638
for it in the
‫في‬
152
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,974
{\an1}"I'm out of my freaking mind"
‫! لقد خرجت من طوري‬
153
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,974
department.
‫قسم‬
154
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,267
When we come back--
‫عندما نعود‬
155
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,267
trampolines.

{\an1}Summer fun or silent killer?

‫متعة الصيف أو القاتل الصامت‬
157
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,981
[Man] Wait, wait, wait!
‫أنتظر‬,‫أنتظر‬,‫!! أنتظر‬
158
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,981
Are you out of your mind?
‫هل فقدت عقلك؟‬
159
00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:53,274
-He's so strong!
ً ‫أنه قوي جدا‬
160
00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:53,274
-What are you, crazy?
‫هل أنت مجنون؟‬
161
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,736
{\an8}[ shrieking ]

{\an1}[Marshall] Ladies and gentlemen,

‫سيادتي وسادتي‬
163
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,700
esteemed colleagues
‫زمالئي الكرام‬
164
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,451
I'll conclude with this.
‫سأختتم بهذا‬
165
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:07,206
Our very future depends on
‫يعتمد مستقبلنا على‬
166
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:07,206
one thing.
‫شيء واحد‬
167
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:11,043
{\an1}Tachyons, subatomic particles
‫ جسيمات دون ذرية‬,‫التاكيونات‬
168
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:11,043
{\an1}that move so incredibly fast,
‫التي تتحرك بسرعة هائلة‬
169
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:13,461
they actually
‫إنهم في الواقع‬
170
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:13,461
travel backwards in time.
‫يسافرون في الوقت المناسب‬
171
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,006
Ask yourself,
‫اسأل نفسك‬
172
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,006
what if there was a device
‫ماذا لو كان هناك جهاز؟‬
173
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,299
that could harness
‫يمكن إن يسخر‬
174
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,299
these tachyons?
‫هذه التاكيون؟‬
175
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:23,304
We could open and travel
‫يمكننا أن نفتح ونسافر‬
176
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:23,304
{\an1}through warps in time and space.
‫عبر دوامات الزمان والمكان‬
177
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:27,184
What's that?
‫ما ذلك ؟‬
178
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:27,184
Not in our lifetime?
‫ليس في حياتنا ؟‬ً
179
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:30,145
My friends,
‫اصدقائي‬
180
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:30,145
{\an1}I've designed such a device.

I give to you

the tachyon amplifier--

Genius in a box.

Only with this device,

you don't travel

forwards or backwards.

{\an1}You travel sideways in time

to another dimension

where past, present

and future all meet.

And lights!

{\an1}All right, any questions?

Oh, great, yes.

Uh, you right there,

young man.

[Boy] Yeah.

If you shot a ton of pot

at the sun,

would it burn up

and get everybody high?

No, no, no.

{\an1}Are there any real questions

that pertain to science?

Do you take Cialis?

[Boy] Why were you

crying in the bathroom

before this presentation?

How come it looks like

you're about to cry now?

Do dinosaurs have boobs?

That's it. That's it.

Everybody outta here.

Get outta here!

{\an1}Go play in the parking lot.

{\an1}Go run around on the freeway,

I don't care.

[Man] Okay, guys,

let's get some sugar.

I have a question.

Did you ever try to make

the tachyon amplifier?

Who are you?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm Holly Cantrell.

{\an1}I, uh, studied all your work

at Cambridge.

[ inhales sharply ]

I think you're brilliant.

Well, Holly from Cambridge

who thinks I'm brilliant,

{\an1}I started but I didn't finish,

so, no.

Oh, no,

but you have to build it.

I mean, it's the most

incredible--

What are you eating?

It's a doughnut stuffed

with M&M's.

That way when you finish

the doughnut,

you don't have to eat

any M&M's.
But don't you see,

you were absolutely right.

-Everything--

-Stop!

Chasing that theory

got me laughed out

of mainstream science

and landed me here,

and you know what?

I don't have anyone

to blame but myself.

'Cause as they say,

"if you don't make it,

it's your own damn vault."

{\an1}That's a bitch-slap of truth

right there.

If your theories

are such rubbish,

then explain this.

That fossil is over

265 million years old

with an imprint

of a $10 lighter.

Go on, explain that.

{\an1}I found it out in the desert

{\an1}along with crystals like this

that radiate pure

tachyon energy.

Go on.

Explain that.
[ door closes ]

Captain Kirk's nipples.

[Woman on loudspeaker]

The tar pits will be open

in five minutes.

Dr. Marshall,

please return the page.

[ knock on door ]

[ Marshall groans ]

[Holly] Dr. Marshall?

[ groans ]

Oh, my God!

[ groans ]

Are you all right? Hey.

[ groans ]

Up you get.

[ grunts ]

Here,

just lean against--

-Oh, dear.

-I'm fine.

I'm okay,

I just worked late.

Then I got hungry,

and I had several meals

and lapsed into

a food coma.

I've had issues

with food in the past,

[ inhales sharply ]

I don't know,

{\an1}you know, just with the stress

of everything,

I just overdid it.

But I'm in control.

And I don't have

to go back to Phoenix.

{\an1}Oh, I just I wanted to come

{\an1}and apologize for yesterday.

-My behavior was just--

-No, no, no.

It was me.

You finished

the tachyon amplifier!

No, no, I mean, yes.

I don't know.

I-I finished building it,

yes, but... [ sighs ]

I didn't have the nerve

to test it out.

{\an1}So I thought a trip to Arby's

{\an1}might give me some courage,

but no dice.

Then I had Popeye's,

Del Taco.

14,000 calories later,

{\an1}I found myself down at Subway,

powering through

{\an1}a 12-inch veggie on whole wheat,

babbling to a cutout

of Jared.

It still didn't give me

the strength

to turn that thing on.

-I'm a coward.

-You are not a coward.

You're a visionary.

[ sighs ] This is probably

{\an1}the greatest work of genius

in the last 100 years.

[ Edward Kleban's

I Hope I get It playing ]

♪ God, I hope I get it ♪

♪ I hope I get it

{\an5}♪ I'll make-- ♪♪

[ music stops ]

Is that A Chorus Line?

It's leftover data

from the drive.

What a piece of crap!

[ music starts, stops ]

The machine, I mean.

Not A Chorus Line.

I love show tunes.

They really tell the story

of the human condition.

It's a bit gay.

It is great.
Right.

{\an1}Dr. Marshall, you're gonna stop

selling yourself short.

We're on the verge

of major discovery.

{\an5}-Now get up.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa,

where are we going?

{\an1}We're gonna go and test this

{\an1}little device in the field.

Are you crazy?

I'm not prepared

for a field test.

No, I'm not gonna

make a big deal out of it.

{\an1}It's just a routine expedition.

A routine expedition?

Purely routine.

[Holly]

Here, here it is.

This is where I found

the fossil--

The Devil's Canyon

Mystery Cave.

[Marshall]

This dump is a portal?

[Holly] Well, just look

at these readings.

We've just got to get back

in that cave.
{\an1}[Marshall] No problem, the place

is obviously abandoned.

[Holly] Not exactly.

So what's your pleasure?

I got Roman candles,

bottle rockets,

twitter glitters,

dancing butterflies.

This little bitch here

{\an1}I call the Mexican vasectomy.

Yeah?

Okay,

that's in bad taste.

How 'bout this?

{\an1}This little travel mug I like

{\an1}to call the perfect woman--

big old set of boobies,

no head, and a handle.

{\an1}Unh-unh. Look, we want to go

in the cave, all right?

Okay, How about this?

Y'all spend $30 on crap.

{\an1}I'll give you a deluxe tour.

{\an1}It all goes to a great cause--

The Devil's Canyon resort

and casino.

Wow.

That's nice craft.

{\an1}7,000 luxuriously appointed

rooms, three casinos,

one convention center,

ass tons of parking,

and when everything

is complete,

I will turn the tip

of this golden tepee

into my personal lair.

And I will take a mate

{\an1}and live the rest of my life

with her up here,

and when we fight,

and she pisses me off,

{\an1}I will banish her to this tip,

where she will be kept

as a prisoner and a slave.

Not gonna buy anything?

Yeah, fine.

{\an1}Hey, Ern, taking these guys

to the cave.

Watch the store.

Close your mouth

while you're breathing

like we talked about,

making everybody over here

feel weird.

Prepare to meet

your darkest fears

inside the depths of

{\an1}the Devil's Canyon Mystery Cave.

Rule number one--

Keep your arms and legs

inside the boat.

Rule number two--

{\an1}have a kick-ass awesome time,

but be warned,

you may get wet.

I'm sorry, "may"?

Actually, I need to know.

This equipment

cannot get wet.

Not you, Mary Poppins.

Bom-chikka-wow-wow.

Say that again

and I'll drown you.

Good to go.

Whoo!

Cave ride begins!

Whoo!

[ bangs ]

Cave-ologists

say this old cave

is 100 years old

and holds 1,000 mysteries.

Or is it 1,000 years old

and 100 mysteries?

Well, that my friends,

{\an1}is just one of the mysteries.

Say what you will,

the man is a showman.

Without a doubt,

this cave is most infamous

for the legend

of the Devil's Canyon

lizard man.

He's been seen around

these parts

since the pilgrim times,

snapping his claws,

hissing,

trying to eat people up,

{\an1}lurking about in the dark,

{\an1}dark shadows of this very cave.

[ laughs ominously ]

{\an1}But those are just legends...

aren't they?

Aren't they?

Are--

are you asking us?

No, I'm not-- Ernie!

Aren't they?

Here it comes, Will!

[ yells ]

Oh, God, whoo!

Oh, the lizard man!

You're paying for that.

I must definitely am not.

[ machine squeaks ]

You know, I'm sitting

{\an1}here trying to give you guys

{\an1}a really awesome adventure,

and you guys are giving me

nothing in return.

I got the gloves on,

the hat, the pageantry.

[ electronic pulsing ]

{\an1}Holly, I'm getting a strong

tachyon reading.

{\an1}I think I can boost the hell

out of this signal

-with a resonant wave.

-Go for it!

Man, you guys

don't even care.

[ Edward Kleban's

I Hope I get It playing ]

{\an1}No, no! There are no show tunes

on this ride.

[ beeping ]

[ crackling and rattling ]

Something's happening.

Is this part of the ride?

No, Hoss, this ain't me.

This is an earthquake.

Greatest earthquake

ever known!

{\an1}Marshall, I think you should

turn it off.
Marshall, the meter!

[Marshall] Swim, Holly!

We're moving.

[Will] This isn't me!

This isn't me!

[Marshall]

Why are we moving so fast?

Do I look like I know

what's going on?

[ coyote howls ]

What's that sound?!

{\an1}Is there a waterfall in here?!

Hell no, dude!

{\an1}This isn't even a real stream!

It's industrial runoff

from the soap factory

down the street!

[Marshall]

What is that? Ah!

What is that?

What is that?

Oh, shit!

This is not

a routine expedition!

[Will]

Reverse! Reverse!

Reverse!

It's beautiful!

[ screams ]

[ all screaming ]
I got to say I did not see

that coming.

Ernie, you bastard.

That was way too fast.

[Will]

Ernie, too fast!

[ gasps ]

Marshall!

I think you should

come and look at this.

Do you realize

what this means?

[Marshall] Yes!

It means Matt Lauer

can suck it!

[ cheering ]

-Holly, are you rolling?

-Yep.

That was a Viking ship!

And a Cessna!

Shut up!

Just shut up!

Okay, currently

in our party--

me, Dr. Rick Marshall

doctoral candidate

Holly Cantrell,

and some trashy

trailer-park reject
who smells of malt liquor

and feet.

-I'm standing right here.

-I was right.

Okay, Holly, right there.

Just as I predicted,

we have been--

we have fallen through

a time portal from our earth

to another dimension.

where past,

present and future

are all mashed up together.

How the hell

did this happen?

My Tachyon amplifier,

that's how it happened!

{\an1}You mean that shitty boom box

pumping show tunes?

-Yes, it worked!

-Well, where the hell is it?

Um, okay, minor setback.

My Tachyon amplifier

which undoubtedly will be

the only possible way

{\an1}for us to open a doorway home

is nowhere to be seen.

What?

[ distant squeals ]

{\an1}[Man] What the hell was that?

{\an1}[Holly] Oh!

I have no idea

but let's go find out.

[ squeals ]

{\an1}[Holly] Oh, advanced primates.

{\an1}Oh, they've got the posture

of an Australopithecus...

-Mm-hmm.

-but the sag--

No, no, no.

Shut up.

I will not let you

ruin this moment.

I've waited my entire life

{\an1}to see the mighty Big Foot.

{\an1}Man, are you touching yourself?

Marshall, look!

[ grunting ]

Oh, my God,

tool construction!

Tool construction!

{\an1}No, they're gonna kill him!

[ speaks native language ]

No!

Uh-oh.

Okay, you eggheads,

you follow my lead.

I know just how to

party with these guys.

{\an1}You little monkeys bastards,

prepare to bow down

and worship me.

{\an1}But behold, you troglodytes,

I command the power

of fire.

{\an1}Will, it's not a good idea.

{\an1}How do you like me now, huh?

You want a disco dance--

ow, son of a bitch!

[ grunts ]

Well done.

You've now just given

murderous primitives

the power of fire.

[Holly] It's all right.

It's all right.

Don't be frightened.

We're friends.

[ speaks native language ]

Friends.

[ hisses ]

Careful, Holly.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

There we go.

I spent three years

at the Manchester zoo

primate house.
I'm recognizing

a very primitive language.

Now... me Holly.

Ho-lly.

-Holly.

-Yes, Holly.

-Holly.

-Holly.

Me, Holly, you...

You?

Chaka.

Chaka, Chaka!

No.

Holly, Chaka.

Yeah.

Wi-ill, Will.

Good work.

Good work, Holly.

{\an1}Let me take over from here.

Greetings, Chaka.

Chaka,

I'm Dr. Rick Marshall.

Dr. Rick Marshall.

Okay?

Let's take a look

at that ankle.

Does that sound good?

Keep in mind, Chaka,

although I'm a doctor,

{\an1}I'm not a licensed physician.

Okay?

Just gonna take

a little look--

[ snarls and squeals ]

How dare you?

How dare you?

I mean you no harm.

I mean you no harm!

{\an5}-Marshall, Marshall!

-Don't you run from me,

you little shit!

Hey! Hey, hey!

Now you're dead!

[ all screaming ]

[ coughs and splutters ]

Damn you, Chaka!

Now was that necessary?

[ both hissing ]

Marshall,

wait you'll scare him.

What was that?

Look, he was never

in any danger, okay?

Chaka, friend.

Safety.

Safety. Safety!

Holly, tell him.

Um, um, Marshall,

Marshall, um,
haboo, haboo.

[ hoots ]

-Haboo?

-Haboo.

[ speaks native language ]

Well, that's more like it.

Holly, what did

you tell him?

I think I told him

that you're a great chief,

-and you're very powerful.

-Oh.

And I think he's pledging

{\an1}his lifelong loyalty to you.

{\an1}Well, that's hardly necessary.

my little friend.

Uh, but I will honor

your customs.

And you may serve me.

[ chuckles ]

Uh, in return

I will be a fair,

but very strict master.

Okay, get off.

Off!

[Will] What is wrong

with you people?

That sandpit swallowed us!

I mean, can you all

please act

like this doesn't happen

every single day?

You're starting to make

me feel really stupid.

{\an1}[Marshall] Okay, okay, hold on.

Let's gather ourselves.

Take a deep breath in...

[ yells ]

Oh, my god! Ah!

[Marshall]

Fortunately,

I've been in this exact

{\an1}situation three times before.

[Will] When? When have you

{\an1}ever been in this situation?

[Marshall] I've never been

in this situation before!

I'm just trying

to keep up morale.

[ distant howl ]

Oh, God.

I sure hope

that was a coyote.

[ howling ]

Good God.

It's a feeding station.

If anyone knows about

{\an1}meal presentation, it's me.

[ howls ]
Oh, God! Oh, God!

Grab hands,

create some momentum.

Let's swing over

to that tree.

[ all grunt ]

Extension.

Okay, reach!

Good form, everyone!

Working in concert!

Don't be afraid

to point the toe.

One more!

[ grunts ]

One more should do it.

[ roars ]

[ all screaming ]

Everybody move out!

{\an1}Chaka, your master commands

you to--

[ hisses ]

Bad Chaka!

{\an1}Your loyalty is now in question!

[ roars ]

{\an1}[Will] That was a dinosaur.

{\an1}[Marshall] T-rex,

{\an1}definitely in predator mode.

[Will] Will you hurry up!

You're slowing us down.

Why are you wearing

high heels?

[Marshall] They're not

high heels.

They're my Florsheim

zipper boots.

{\an1}Why are you wearing Florsheim

for a field expedition?

{\an1}I told you I was not prepped

to go in the field.

[ roars ]

Wait, wait, wait!

We need a photo.

{\an1}Oh, nice field skills, Holly.

Will, stand over there.

This is proof I'm right

and I want photos.

{\an5}-Stand there,

we need you for scale.

-Scale!

Uh, Marshall, do we need

the red-eye feature?

Um...

yes, his eyes do look red.

Jesus Christ,

just take the picture!

-Can you just stand still.

-Stand still, please.

One, two, three!

Fantastic!
Run! Run like hell!

Where the hell's

the monkey?

{\an1}Look! Chaka's waiting for us

{\an1}at the other end of the bridge.

Good, Chaka,

you're master's pleased!

[ grunts ]

{\an1}Marshall, It really looks like

he's trying to destroy

the bridge.

-Chaka! Wait!

-Master not pleased!

[ roars ]

[Marshall] It's okay,

he can't cross.

He has terrible

depth perception.

He thinks this chasm's

a million miles long.

He's not what you'd call

an athlete, Mr. T-Rex.

See, he's walking away

in utter helpless defeat.

After all, his brain

is the size of a walnut.

Sure, his sense of smell

may be acute,

but eyesight, hearing,

all of his higher functions

completely compromised

{\an1}by that walnut-size brainpan.

{\an1}I mean, forget about the Polish.

It's the T-Rexes who are

{\an1}the real dummies of the world.

In fact, Chaka--

funny story,

Freakin' run!

Follow monkey.

Cave!

[ grunts ]

[ roars ]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

He's looking at you,

Marshall.

He's watching you.

He's looking at everyone.

No, I'm certain

he's looking at you.

[ roars ]

He is grumpy.

I think that's what

we should call him--

-Grumpy.

-Yeah, that's a cute name.

[ roars ]

Is it gone?

Yeah.
Pussy.

What a puss.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

This'll work just fine.

We'll call this

base camp.

No, no, no, no,

We cannot stay here.

Bad things happen

in caves, folks.

Watch your movies.

{\an1}Guys, can we just please take

a minute to absorb this?

I mean...

{\an1}We must be the first people

{\an1}to ever set foot in this world.

It's incredible.

[ Andrew Sister's Boogie

Woogie Bugle Boy plays]

{\an1}♪ He was a famous trumpet man

from out Chicago way ♪

♪ He had a boogie style

{\an1}that no one else could play ♪

♪ He was the top man

at his craft ♪

♪ But then his number

came up ♪

♪ and he was gone

with the draft ♪

♪ He's in the army now

a-blowin' reveille ♪

♪ He's the boogie woogle

bugle boy of Company B ♪

♪ They made him blow

a bugle ♪

[Will] Oh, God.

We're screwed.

[ soothing music plays ]

No, no, no.

No.

Chaka, no, no.

Go on.

[ chatters ]

Okay, you know what?

{\an1}I don't want Chaka sleeping

in the cave tonight.

Oh, whoa, whoa,

not cool, dude.

No, it's a reasonable

precaution, all right?

He was just about

to be executed,

and I think he might have

{\an1}done something to deserve it.

Hey, my man

is right here.

Obviously,

he has feelings, okay?

[Marshall] He doesn't

have feelings.

Come on, look at him.

He's adorable.

{\an1}He's a little cuddle machine.

{\an1}[Marshall] What?

{\an1}[Will] Yeah, the least you could

{\an1}do is let him defend himself.

I don't speak monkey,

anyhow, do you?

No, I didn't think so.

Here, look, let me try.

Um, Chaka, um...

[ speaks native language ]

Chaka...

[ speaks native language ]

He says he's a prince

amongst his people.

Oh, right.

[ speaks native language ]

And the victim

of a treacherous plot

to steal his throne.

And the only thing

he's ever guilty of was...

[ speaks native language ]

Is love.

Brother.

Give me a break.
[ speaks native language ]

And he's being treated

far too harshly

for the very simple

crime of...

[ speaks native language ]

{\an1}pooping in the village well.

That's why you're not

sleeping in the cave.

[ speaks native language ]

I can't tell anymore.

[ growls ]

[ whispers ] Hey, mister,

fuck you!

[ hisses ]

Whoa, whoa, hold on,

{\an1}where are you going with that?

{\an1}I'm just gonna block the first

point of egress here

so that we're not

vulnerable.

No, no, bless your heart.

{\an1}Classic tenderfoot mistake.

{\an1}Don't beat yourself up over it.

Here's the thing.

Never put anything near

the mouth of the cave

to draw attention to us.

Did you just not see that

we drew the attention

of a highly intelligent

psycho dinosaur?

Look, I think the PhD

after my name

{\an1}means I know a little something

about dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs are creatures

of brute instinct.

Like I've said before,

it's got a brain

the size of a walnut.

Okay, you got me?

A walnut.

[ rumbling and thudding ]

What's that?

What's that?

Sweet Gregor Mendel.

What? What is it?

It's a walnut.

[ growls ]

Well, obviously this

is between you and him.

Day two.

0600 Zulu time.

Did not sleep

last night at all,

not one bit.

Still no sign

of the Tachyon amplifier,

our only way home.

Field rations are

running dangerously low.

Thusly, I've made

the determination

that if need be,

if faced with starvation,

we will cook and eat Chaka.

I've been thinking

about this a lot, actually.

{\an1}If Chaka meat were the secret

ingredient on Iron Chef,

I'm sure Bobby Flay

would probably serve it

with roasted red peppers

and a dash of cumin,

and a braised polenta.

And it wouldn't be

an easy thing to do,

but if you slow roast

the little guy,

I'm sure that Chaka meat

would just fall

right off the bone.

Whoo! Food train.

coming through.

Fantastic,

I'm absolutely starving.

And fresh fruit,

{\an1}it's like morning at Wimbledon.

Hold on a second there,

Holly.

I don't recognize

that genus of succulent.

{\an1}Perhaps the native inhabitant

can help us.

Chaka, Rick Marshall,

Chaka.

Are they safe...

to eat?

Eat, eat.

Eat.

[ speaks native language ]

Eat, eat.

-Mm-hmm.

-Thank you, Chaka.

Thank you so much

for listening to me.

Sorry for doubting

you, my little friend.

{\an1}[ sniffs ] Has a pungent flavor,

it smells good.

very meat--

[ screams ]

Jeez, Chaka!

What the hell?!

[ screams ]

Friends?

Friends?
[ sighs ]

Well, yes, technically,

I guess.

However, I am your master,

okay?

We have entered into

a verbal contract.

{\an1}You need to understand that,

okay?

[ high pitched pulse ]

Holly, quick,

to the cave mouth.

Sentry positions.

[Holly] Looks like

a plasma discharge.

Or maybe Beta rays.

Agh!

Marshall?

Marshall! Marshall?

Ah!

Help... me!

Please.

I will.

Marshall.

{\an1}Marshall, where are you going?

Someone or something

knows we're here.

It's in my head

calling to me.

Get back, Holly!

What are you doing?

I've seen this before.

{\an1}He's got the devil madness.

{\an1}We got to put him down while

{\an1}he still has some dignity left.

-Chaka, let's roll!

-What?

[ Chaka shrieks ]

[ sighs ]

You see?

This is the place.

A beacon,

a transmitter,

tapping directly

into my pre-frontal lobe.

What the hell?

Stop it!

Well, I'll be.

I guess you weren't crazy.

Okay, I'm man enough

to say that's my bad.

[Holly] Wow.

That's incredible.

{\an1}The architecture, it's almost

like the Olmec culture

of Mesoamerica.

[Marshall] Reminds me of

the Prudential building.

No, Sarisataka.
Sarisataka.

[Will] I bet somebody's

growing weed in here.

[Marshall]

You feel that?

That ambient energy?

{\an1}Just like at Devil's Canyon.

[Holly] Yep,

Tachyon radiation.

Marshall,

the meter can't be far.

[ screeching ]

[Will] Holy shit.

Finally something

cool, huh?

What, no reaction?

{\an1}You guys have seen that before,

too, I take it, huh?

In your lab?

What's this thing?

Hey, maybe this is where

our ancient ancestors

hosted the Latin Grammys.

Just picture Santana

haulin' this sucker home.

[ voice vibrates ] Whoo.

It vibrates.

I wouldn't touch that,

all right?

♪ Do you
{\an1}believe in life after love? ♪

That is so dumb

and childish.

♪ Do you believe

in life after love ♪

[Holly] Will,

will you please be quiet.

{\an1}Dr. Marshall needs silence.

{\an1}[ voice vibrates ] ♪ I can feel

something inside me say ♪

{\an1}[both] ♪ I really don't think

{\an1}you're strong enough, ohhhh ♪

-Wow.

-Yeah.

I really feel it

in my forearms.

{\an1}Yeah, usually you have to pay

for something like this.

Oh, gosh.

{\an1}Holly, you should sit on this.

No, no, Sarisataka!

Sarisataka!

Hmm? What?

Sarisataka!

{\an1}[Marshall] What is it, Chaka?

What did you say?

-Sarisataka. Sarisataka.

-What is he saying?

It's the same thing

over and over-- Sarisa...

-Sarisataka.

-Sarisataka.

Chorizo tacos.

{\an1}Are you saying Chorizo tacos?

Don't play around

because I'm super hungry.

No, Sarisataka.

Sarisataka.

What the hell

does that mean?

Well, I'm afraid

we'll never know.

[ hissing ]

Oh, okay.

Oh, shit,

it's not Chorizo tacos.

No immediate danger,

cold-blooded and slow.

[ whispers ] I repeat,

no immediate danger.

{\an1}Will you stop that? Please.

You're freaking me out.

[Will] Oh, God.

They're everywhere.

They're just like zombies.

{\an1}That's how zombies get you--

volume.

[Will]

We're all gonna die.

Like hell.

I'm gonna take at least

{\an1}one of these bastards with me

even if they have to choke

to death on my skull!

Oh!

You want some too, do you?

[Will]

What are you guys doing?

One second.

What in the hell--

Let's get in.

[ grunts ]

Oh, God, wait,

stand down, Holly.

[Holly] Hang on...

hang on,

I think we're safe.

They don't seem to be able

{\an1}to make it through the entrance.

{\an1}[Marshall] Thank God for that.

That one keeps peering

into my soul.

This is just fantastic.

Are we just gonna stand in

here and suffocate

in this tiny little...

huge... thingy.

[Marshall] Wow, that

{\an1}is an efficient use of space.

[Will]

{\an1}It's like Snoopy's doghouse.

[ groans ]

Look.

There's a gold one.

Let's stomp its head in.

Do not fear me.

I am Enik,

the Altrusion.

Thank Vindok

you've come to my aid,

Rick Marshall.

You know me?

Of course.

Even in the furthest

reaches of the universe,

we have seen

your Matt Lauer video.

I am a prisoner

in this Land of the Lost.

Only you can help me

escape.

The fate of the universe

depends on you.

Well, uh,

{\an1}it's very flattering, Enik,

um, but I think

{\an1}you've found the wrong guy.

No, Rick Marshall.

I have summoned you here

specifically

to help me stop

an evil madman

who has already

conquered my world.

And now plans

to conquer yours.

His name is...

The Zarn.

I am The Zarn!

Heed my warning

or be destroyed!

The Zarn became obsessed

with using the power

of these crystals

to conquer the universe.

If he is not stopped,

he will open a doorway

to your world

and lead his army

of Sleestak

on a rampage

across time and space.

He must be stopped.

Enik, buddy,

I'm a scientist,

you're a scientist.

I think together you and I

can figure this out.

{\an5}-You mustn't touch

the crystals!

-Okay.

The wrong manipulation

of the crystals

could turn time and space

inside out.

What do you need from us?

The Zarn lacks only one

{\an1}thing to enact his evil plan--

{\an1}a device to amplify tachyons

and unleash the full power

of the crystals.

Well, Marshall's

created a device

that isolates

tachyon interference.

Yeah, I did that.

Of course,

with tachyon particles

focused along the proper

temporal vector,

a stable passageway

[both] can be opened

to any point in

the space-time continuum!

[ gasps ]

You and I are so smart.

[ chuckles ]
Rick Marshall?

I knew instantly

you could help me.

Oh, thank you.

You are a truly

advanced intellect.

{\an1}I don't know how you manage

amongst these others.

[ laughing ]

{\an1}I don't know how I do either.

-I really don't.

-Excuse me.

{\an1}You have this tachyon amplifier?

I lost it on the way in.

I don't know where.

It could lost in time.

On the contrary,

I detect it nearby.

It-- strange

{\an1}I cannot precisely pinpoint

its location.

It... moves.

Leave it to us.

If it's out there,

we'll find it.

Not so fast, amigo.

Little rule I live by.

Never trust a dude

in a tunic.
You live by that rule?

Yes,

it's never led me astray.

Right, come on, Enik,

{\an1}are you well enough to travel?

No, my place is here

in the pylon.

{\an1}I must protect the crystals.

{\an1}If you wish to return home,

{\an1}these crystals are the doorway.

Your device is the key.

Find it before

The Zarn does.

Bring it to me

and rescue us all!

Rescue the uni-verse!

All right, everyone,

gather round.

Let's go, chop, chop.

Hustle up.

Marshall, did you just

make that?

Yeah, yeah, I'm a bit of

a miniatures enthusiast.

It's very impressive.

Thank you.

Yeah, well, I see some

{\an1}obvious scaling issues, but--

{\an1}I think it's pretty damn good.

All right, we are here.

As you can see,

desert, forest.

-What's this look like?

-It's a cave.

That's the cave,

that's where we're living.

Standard volcano.

{\an1}Okay, now I will tether Will

to this hot air balloon

right here, okay.

{\an1}And it will be fitted with

{\an1}a crude tachyon reflector-array

that I fashioned

out of a thermal blanket

and a cell phone charger.

I don't remember

{\an1}ever volunteering for that.

{\an1}Holly, you and I will follow

Will's directions

{\an1}as he searches for the telltale

ping of the missing

and still presumably

operational tachyon meter.

[ distant roar ]

Oh, God, he's close.

I've taken care of that.

During the course

of my professional career,

{\an1}I've done extensive research

with reptiles

and various birds of prey

of which dinosaurs are.

That's disputable.

Please be quiet.

They have very acute sense

of smell.

And now while

{\an1}I've gathered this strictly

for genetic research

{\an1}to be used upon our return,

it would prove wise

to use this now--

Hadrosaur urine.

-We are going to cover--

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!

What is that?

Hadrosaur urine.

How'd you get that?

{\an1}Well, while you were sleeping,

{\an1}I'm out gathering research,

okay?

This was to be used

for genetic engineering.

And I was going to write

{\an1}a report on kidney function.

But now it'll just be

camouflage.

We'll all blend in,

okay.
{\an1}-So we will cover ourselves--

{\an1}-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

{\an1}I'm so sorry, I'm just trying

to figure this out.

[ sighs ] Oh, my God.

So you've been

gathering urine?

Yes, what's the problem?

That means that you stood

under a dino dong

with a bucket.

{\an1}If you want to be technical

{\an1}and reduce it to its basest

element, yes, I was.

{\an1}How'd that work out for you?

{\an1}Are you honestly asking me?

Yeah.

It's very peaceful.

It's a little bit like

fly fishing,

{\an1}just out there in the night air,

still, calm,

and then zing,

you get a big catch.

Okay, so we'll cover

our bodies in urine,

{\an1}and then we'll be virtually

{\an1}undetectable to all dinosaurs.

[ distant roar ]
All right, here they come.

{\an1}I should have thought of this

a long time ago.

[ spits ]

Whoo!

Ah, that's refreshing.

Make sure to ingest some,

{\an1}get that in the bloodstream.

Ugh.

[ gags ]

[ gargles and spits ]

Don't do that.

Okay, who's next?

Really.

It's not that bad.

Check that...

It's just starting to burn

my eyes a little bit.

Did not plan for that.

[ inhales sharply ]

{\an1}It gets up in the nostrils,

too, you do not want that.

Ah...

Wow. That's

early-morning stuff.

Oh, that is strong.

Maybe a second splash

{\an1}reduce some of the effects.

Immediately made it worse.

Where's my laser pointer?

{\an1}Never mind, we will probably

have to be doing--

[ groans ]

Ow.

{\an1}[ Chaka speaks native language ]

Who's that?

[ grunting ]

Maybe we should

just follow him.

Nice model, though.

Yeah, fine,

let's forget my model

{\an1}and let's follow the monkey.

[ Chaka humming ]

[Marshall]

Shut up, Chaka!

Are we there yet?

Find this funny, Chaka?

This is the damn Bataan

death march out here.

My God.

{\an1}Marshall] Absolutely incredible.

[Holly] This must be

the main entry point

into this world.

[Marshall] It's like

a cosmic lost and found.

{\an1}[Will] Wow, look at all this

kick-ass shit to steal.

This is like the world's

greatest mall.

Yeah, Will,

it's just like a mall.

The only thing

{\an1}it's missing is a food court.

Compsognathus,

look how they move.

Where are all these

{\an1}little Chupacabras going to?

I'll tell you where

they're going to.

{\an1}Our raft, the tachyon meter

can't be far.

Our raft?

That's my raft.

Get away from there!

Stop pecking on my raft.

There's your food court.

[ jingle plays ]

{\an5}-Ice cream.

-Hey, hey, hey.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna go pony up

and get Chaka a cone.

It's his first.

Now there's a reason why

{\an1}those dinosaurs hang out there.

They know.

They know what?

It's feeding time.

[ screeching ]

[ jingle continues ]

[ screams ]

Whoa!

[ roars ]

-An allosaurus, female.

-Yeah.

We're in luck.

These large predators

are extremely territorial.

Virtually nothing will

{\an1}distract them from each other.

[ hissing ]

Oh, crap balls!

What do you know?

This is one of those

{\an1}situations where dumping piss

on your head's

a bad idea.

Run!

Lead, Chaka.

{\an1}Lead your master to safety!

Hey, Chaka, doo-mah!

Chaka, no!

[ roars ]

Why?!

{\an1}You're a little asshole, Chaka!

Spread out!
{\an1}It'll confuse him by running

a serpentine pattern!

He's incapable

{\an1}or rapid course correction!

Serpentine, everyone!

Serpentine!

Serpentine!

No, serpentine!

Serpentine!

[Marshall] Son of a tit!

Hey, Marshall!

You ever get tired

of being wrong?

I do! I really do,

bone tired!

Get on your horse,

Rick Marshall.

[ roars ]

Four hands, a pair.

[ roars ]

Fascinating,

but terrifying!

No!

Marshall!

I'm still here!

I hope you're taping this!

[Holly] I got it!

[ roars ]

[ alarm buzzes ]

[ roars ]
[ hip-hop music plays ]

[ groans, sighs ]

I don't want-- I don't

want to die in a Hummer!

Oh, it's a massacre.

[ squealing ]

[ distant roar ]

[ grunts ]

[ burps ]

Gross.

[Marshall]

Set the catapult!

What?

Set the catapult!

What?

Set the effin' catapult!

This thing?

The catapult, now!

No, no, no, no,

Take her that way!

Go that way!

Just do it!

Come on.

How the hell

do you set a catapult?

I don't know,

just turn it.

One...

two...
three...

[ roars ]

Crank that thing!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Crank that mother!

I'm coming in hot!

Keep going.

Get your backs into it.

Package has arrived.

What's the package?

It's a canister

of refrigerant.

[ roars ]

Now!

[ gulps ]

I did not expect that.

[ Edward Kleban's

I Hope I get It playing ]

Gay show tunes!

Cassie. Bebe.

Tachyon meter!

We did it.

We're saved!

♪ Look at all the people! ♪

[ shrieks ]

♪ How many people

does he need? ♪

♪ How many boys,

how many girls? ♪

♪ How many people does he ♪

♪ I really need this job ♪

Oh, that blows.

That bl-ows.

{\an1}[ music fading in distance ]

Marshall?

What are you doing?

[ sighs ]

I'm giving up.

And it feels good.

But what about finding

a way home

and validation

for your life's work?

You're just gonna give

{\an1}all that up just to lie here?

Oh, no, of course not.

{\an1}Lying here is just phase one

of the plan.

It's phase two that

gets me really excited.

It involves adjusting

the angle of my recline

and putting this hand

halfway down my pants.

Deceptively simple,

yet elegant.

Yep.

I tried, I failed,
and you know what?

Once again,

it's my own damn vault.

You mean fault.

No, I actually mean vault.

It's from a poster

with a pole vaulter on it.

That's really freaking

stupid, man.

{\an1}You know, actually, I can't

{\an1}even believe I'm hearing this.

Any scientist in his right

mind would give--

[ robotic voice ]

Initiating phase two.

{\an1}[ imitates servos whirring ]

Do you know how I first

heard about you?

As a joke.

First year at Cambridge,

we used to email

your little appearance

with Matt Lauer

around for a laugh.

I mean, as YouTube

hall of fame moments goes,

{\an1}it was "Lauer versus Marshall"

and then that monkey

pissing in his own face,

in that order.
But I wasn't laughing.

Because I was fascinated.

{\an1}I saw a man who was willing

to swim dangerous waters

for the sake

of his need to know.

I took that to heart,

Dr. Marshall.

I committed to myself

to your theories

and then I got tossed out

of Cambridge for it.

For my theories,

{\an1}you threw your future away?

Yeah, that's what

everyone told me.

But I didn't believe it,

not till now.

Have you seen this

monkey video?

Yeah, I've seen it

about a dozen times.

God bless the internet.

Come on, Chaka.

Let's work on our

mission statement.

[Chaka] Okay.

[ sighs ]

[ whispers ]
How's it going?

-Hmm.

-What's wrong, little guy?

Are you okay?

-Yeah.

-Lady troubles?

Yeah.

Yeah, tell me about it.

This obviously

stays between me and you,

but coming up on

a 6-year dry spell.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

[ speaks native language ]

He says that he misses

his tribe.

{\an1}It's a beautiful existence.

{\an1}They're carefree and nomadic,

and they live

where the food is.

Just like me.

{\an1}I moved tres times just to be

closer to a Ruby Tuesday's.

Continue.

[ speaks native language ]

{\an1}The women wait on the men...

[ speaks native language ]

serving all the needs.

I'm liking this.

Continue.

[ speaks native language ]

Only they're ugly.

[ speaks native language ]

They make up for it

with nice personalities.

[ speaks native language ]

He says as prince

of his tribe,

he personally is served by

a harem of 7,000 women.

Wow, not bad, little dude.

[ speaks native language ]

{\an1}Yeah, and they bring him all

the apples...

[ speaks native language ]

Yeah, you get the idea.

I'm not translating that.

[ banjo plays ]

Any room around that fire

for a jerk like me?

I thought you gave up?

I did.

I gave up on giving up.

[ sighs ]

{\an1}Sat out there for a long time,

just me, my shame

{\an1}and this little four-string.

{\an1}And I had a change of heart.

I tried too long and hard

to think of something

to say to you guys,

well, I realized that

{\an1}there wasn't anything to say.

But maybe, just maybe,

{\an1}there's something I can sing.

No, it's all right.

♪ Marshall, Will,

and Holly ♪

♪ On a routine expedition ♪

{\an1}♪ Met the greatest earthquake

ever known ♪♪

That's all I got.

-Yeah, that's fine.

-Apology excepted, dude.

Thanks, You guys

are being so generous.

I really appreciate it.

{\an1}I think the healing has begun.

{\an1}♪ Met the greatest earthquake

ever known ♪

♪ High on the rapids ♪

{\an1}♪ It struck their tiny raft ♪

[ both shout ]

That's good.

♪ And plunged them down ♪

[ yawns ]

I'm so tired.

♪ A thousand feet below ♪

Man, I'm feeling weak,

really bushwhacked.

{\an1}Anyway, here's how I end it--

A little arpeggio,

nothing fancy.

[ yawns ]

I got to sleep.

♪ Land ♪

♪ Land of the lost ♪

[ screaming ]

I'm so tired.

What happened?

You had a bug on you,

but it's gone now.

Oh, okay.

[ grunts ]

[ exhales sharply ]

All right, everyone,

rise and shine.

Listen up.

It's a new day.

Yes, we've had a setback.

{\an1}Yes, it is tempting to stay

in this world and die,

but that's not how

the new Marshall rolls.

You hear me?

Not by a damn sight.

{\an1}This isn't hands-down-the-pants,

Marshall, all right?

This isn't gorging on two

pints of Ben & Jerry's

and a whole spiral-cut ham

while watching not one,

but two Mama's Family

reunions-Marshall.

Unh-unh.

He's gone.

Here's the deal.

Enik's counting on us.

The whole world's

counting on us.

If we have any hope

of returning home

we need to take back

that tachyon meter

and take it back hard.

That means climbing,

hours of arduous

climbing up sheer cliffs,

not tomorrow, not in a few

hours, but right now.

Understood?

-Yep.

-Understood, Will?

Hmm?

Let's move out,

you pansies.

[Marshall] Hey!
This is not a race, okay?

[ panting ]

[ shrieks ]

Again-- step, kick, kick,

leap, kick, touch!

Again-- step, kick, kick,

leap, kick, touch!

Again-- step, kick, kick,

leap, kick, touch!

Again-- step, kick, kick,

leap, kick, touch!

Right, let's do

the whole combination,

facing away from the mirror

from the top!

A-five, six, seven, eight!

[ Edward Kleban's

I Hope I get It plays ]

[Will] What the hell?

Pterodactyl eggs

{\an1}incubating all over the caldera.

And there's

your shitty boom box.

[Marshall] Across a sea

of thin volcanic glass.

Okay, Will,

{\an1}what you're gonna want to do

is evenly distribute

your weight
while at the same time,

keeping an eye out

for the eggs.

Hey, Will?

I know you're faking.

Okay, Chaka!

[ snores ]

Chaka!

Come on.

{\an1}Fine, maybe I need to listen

to the words

of a group of young kids

{\an1}trying to make it on stage.

"God, I hope I get it."

"I hope I get it."

Marshall...

Be careful.

I'm up.

I'm up, I got this.

Oh, Marshall,

you got it.

[ distant shriek ]

Do me a favor, just keep

{\an1}an eye on the mother, okay.

{\an1}You mustn't change the surface

temperature of the eggs,

even a drop of sweat could

{\an1}activate the hatching process.

Right.

♪ How many people does he ♪

♪ I really need this job ♪

♪ Please, God,

I need this job ♪

♪ I've got to get

this jo-o-o-o-b ♪

[ sighs ]

I got it.

I got it.

{\an1}All right, let me see the boys.

the whole group.

Ready!

A-five, six,

seven, eight!

[ music stops ]

[ shrieking ]

They're hatching.

Why are they hatching?

The music,

it must be like a lullaby.

Shut up!

Shh.

Shh... Shh.

♪ God, I hope I get it ♪

♪ I hope I get it ♪

♪ How many people

does he need? ♪

♪ God, I hope I get it ♪

♪ I hope I get it ♪

♪ How many boys,

how many girls? ♪

♪ Look at all the people,

at all the people ♪

[All] ♪ How many people

does he need? ♪

♪ How many boys,

how many girls? ♪

♪ How many people

does he ♪

[Chaka] ♪ I really need

this job ♪

♪ Please, God,

I need this job ♪

♪ I've got to get

this jo-o-o-o-b ♪

[ all snoring ]

[ Rare Earth's

I Want To Celebrate plays ]

♪ One! Two! Three! Four! ♪

♪ I just want to celebrate

another day of living ♪

♪ I just want to celebrate

another day of ♪

♪ Li-i-i-i-fe ♪

[Marshall]

People, we are going home!

I'm gonna miss this place

that proves I was right.

[ chatters ]

Oh, drink, drink, yes.

Oh, that is delicious

and refreshing.

Mmm, it's sweet and sour

like Chinese food.

[ speaks native language ]

He's saying

it's a celebratory drink

in his village.

Oh, cheers.

[ speaks native language ]

{\an1}Yeah, it brings joyful lightness

to the heart and soul.

[ speaks native language ]

No, no, sorry,

{\an1}it's not joyful and lightness,

better translation would

be howling loneliness.

And then your bravery

will be tested

as your mind fogs.

[ speaks native language ]

And the shadow hags

{\an1}will rise from the graves and...

[ speaks native language ]

{\an1}and hold you in an icy embrace.

[ speaks native language ]

And it'll feel like

{\an1}your bowel's being pierced...

[ speaks native language ]

by a ghost serpent.

Well,

that can't be right.

No. That can't be right.

Chaka, um...

[ speaks native language ]

[ speaks native language ]

Oh, okay, so it's not

ghost serpent,

it's much closer to

zombie dick.

[ speaks native language ]

I think it might be

a narcotic.

Is that so?

[ Jimi Hendrix's All

Along The Watchtower plays ]

Need you to be honest

with me, okay?

Are you a cop?

Chaka.

{\an1}That's not an answer, Chaka.

That's your name.

Seriously, by law,

you have to tell me

{\an1}if you're a police officer.

-Marco?

-Polo.

Are you wearing a wire?

{\an1}[ slurs in native language ]

-Marco?

-Polo.

[ whirring ]

Hello.

[ beeping ]

Hot coffee.

I need food.

-Marshall!

-Yeah.

Fruit me, buddy.

[ echoing clack ]

[ panting ]

[All] Huh.

Yeah, right there.

Thank you.

Chaka?

{\an1}I owe you an apology, okay?

I...

[ buzzing ]

I'm a guest in your land,

a guest who came

unannounced, uninvited,

and... I've treated you

like a toilet...

a toilet.

{\an1}I want to make it up to you.

Because the love I feel

for you--

I'm not exaggerating--

is a billion times greater

than the love for mankind

{\an1}that Jesus felt on the cross.

And you can take that

to the bank.

[ speaks native language ]

{\an1}[ repeats in native language ]

I'm just so glad

you guys squashed that.

I love you guys so much.

You guys are amazing.

{\an1}-I don't ever want to go home.

{\an1}-No.

{\an5}-This is just like

Sandals resort.

-Mm-hmm.

Good people,

a lot of good food,

good times.

{\an1}I want to make this my life.

I just wanna make--

be here all the time.

Yeah.

[ speaks native language ]

{\an1}[ repeats in native language ]

Hey, hey--

You're funny, Chaka.

-He's hilarious.

-You're funny.

His jokes are disgusting.

[ all laugh ]

You're funny.

-Hey, for real, though.

-Hmm?

How much money would

I have to pay you all

to French kiss each other?

-For real?

-Totally for real.

For real, for real?

{\an1}Tongue in his monkey mouth.

Hey, if it doesn't leave

the three of us,

I'd do it for free,

right now.

It's not gonna leave here.

I'd do it right now.

Let me see it.

Kiss him.

It doesn't leave

the three of us?

{\an1}Never, I won't tell anybody.

Who am I gonna tell?

[ speaks native language ]

-French kiss him!

-I'm gonna do it.

-Come here.

-What? What?

[ all grunting ]
[ laughter ]

You guys are gross!

I don't want to do it!

I don't want to do it!

I don't want to do it!

I've changed my mind!

Oh... dinosaur eggs.

Dinosaur poo.

This is The Zarn!

Heed my warning

or be destroyed!

We-- we're just trying

to get home.

Enik the Altrusion

has escaped our custody.

{\an1}He has overtaken the central

pylon and its crystals

and now plans to lead

his army of Sleestak

on a rampage

across time and space!

If you're hearing this,

heed my warning.

Do not believe--

[ distant laughing ]

No! Enik, no!

The Zarn.

I've got to go and warn--

[ screams ]

[ Seals & Croft's

Summer Breeze plays ]

♪ See the curtains

hanging in the window ♪

♪ In the evening

on a Friday ni-i-ght ♪

♪ A little light a-shining

through the window ♪

♪ lets me know everything's

all ri-i-i-ght ♪

Holly?

♪ Summer breeze

makes me feel-- ♪

Holly?

They've taken Holly.

Chaka, I've got

a mission for you.

Now listen closely.

I don't know

what that means.

Just come on.

[ Sleestaks hissing ]

[Will] Oh, man.

[ Marshall sighs ]

{\an1}Sentries, classic hive behavior.

Obviously on patrol.

Yep, just like drones,

tirelessly hunting.

{\an1}Dude, it looks like they're

gettin' ready to make out.

Mm, no, no, no, no.

[ slow music plays ]

He's about to tap

that ass.

[ whispers ]

Would you shut up?

He's not about to tap

that ass.

[ whispers ]

Oh, you're right.

{\an1}He's totally tapping that ass.

Oh, wow.

{\an1}Our own little private show.

[ tearing ]

[ squealing ]

Oh, God, they shed. Ugh.

[Will] Hi.

{\an1}[Marshall] Hey, don't do that!

Just focus.

[ Holly whimpers ]

[Skull] We find you guilty

of providing assistance

to Enik the Altrusian.

[Marshall] There she is.

[Skull] Prepare to meet

the Sleestak God.

[Marshall] Stop!

Marshall!

[Skull]

Do not interfere!
[Will] Dude, what

the hell are you doing?

[Skull] This one

was caught trying

to deliver

a tachyon device to Enik.

{\an1}[Marshall] If you want Holly,

you've gotta deal with us.

No, no, Marshall, don't!

{\an1}[Marshall] Because we're all

friends of Enik!

[Skull] Enik the Altrusian

is guilty

of the destruction

of an entire civilization.

Entire what now?

[Skull]

Convicted of his crimes...

He was sentenced to

10,000 years imprisonment.

He lied to us.

[Skull]

And made to wear a tunic

as a symbol of his deceit.

Told you, dude--

tunic.

As his allies,

you shall die as well.

Seize them!
Marshall!

Hold on, Holly!

Ooh!

[ grunts ]

[ groans ]

See ya.

[ gasps ]

We can do this.

-Ready?

-Ready.

Wait...

Wait, what about our,

{\an1}our working... relationship?

{\an1}I've wanted to do that since

I first met you.

You mean we could've been

doing this the whole time?

Yeah, but I was worried

{\an1}it wouldn't be professional

or I'd distract you

from your work.

No, no, not distracting.

Never distracting.

Are you guys kidding me?

Come on!

Really! Now is the

time for this?

You know, he's--

he's right.

We've got to stop Enik,

'cause right now

he has the upper hand.

I mean, I know we have

{\an1}the element of surprise, but--

Yeah, about that.

What?

We-- we sent Chaka

to go get him.

[ laughing ]

Well then...

Rick Marshall.

Coming here represents

a slight adjustment

{\an1}to my plans, but no matter.

I have what I need.

And it's all

thanks to you...

Dr. Marshall and this.

[ laughs ]

Don't. We're outgunned.

My Sleestaks

stand prepared.

{\an1}With the power of the crystals,

they are my slaves,

my conquering army.

Thanks to your device...

{\an1}I can lead an invasion force

anywhere I choose

in all of time...
and space.

But I believe I will begin

with your Earth.

My Sleestaks

reproduce quickly.

{\an1}Oh, yeah, we already caught

some of that action.

In mere weeks,

your world will be overrun

by their scaly offspring.

[ chuckles ] And when

{\an1}I'm standing in the cinders

of your civilization,

[ gasps ]

I'll be sure to give you

full scientific credit.

I know how important

that is to you.

Now save your strength.

You'll need it.

[ chuckles ]

"You'll need it?"

What is he ta--

[ distant thudding ]

[Holly] Marshall?

Oh, great.

[ roars ]

Right, you run,

and I'll distract him.

He's not after me.

No, I'm not running.

This ends here.

{\an1}Marshall, what are you doing?

Maybe what I was always

meant to do.

Now, just go.

{\an1}I'll meet you at the pylon...

I hope.

No, we're not leaving

without you.

Go!

Get out of here!

I don't love you!

-Go!

-Ow! Marshall!

Git! You're ugly!

[ Will whistles ]

{\an1}Look, If you're gonna do this

for real, take this.

Got some high-powered

fireworks in here

that might come in handy.

Are you kidding me?

{\an1}You mean you've been carrying

a bag of fireworks around

with you this whole time?

There's literally

a dozen situations

where we could
have used these.

[ roars ]

Shh. He's right.

None of that's

important now, okay?

Listen, I gotta just

level with you, bro.

I misjudged you.

I thought you were just

a dumb-ass dude

who dressed stupid,

but I'm wrong.

-You're solid.

-Thanks.

Thick or thin,

I will follow you into

battle at any time.

You hear me?

Absolutely anytime.

Okay, how 'bout now?

-Like right now?

-Yes.

[ roars ]

Honestly, I didn't

really expect you

to call the favor in

this soon.

So, uh, on this one

unfortunately

I'm gonna have to say no.

But I think it's gonna be

awesome for you,

for personal growth,

just to hit this one solo.

I'm gonna be

rootin' for you.

Okay?

Trenches, bro.

It's all about love.

Okay?

After this time,

I'm there for you, okay?

Anytime after now.

He's your man,

not me.

[ roars ]

[ roars ]

All right, it's a fact.

You and I don't

like each other.

Oh, yes, and only

one will remain.

I'm just gonna have

to fight you

at your own game.

[ snorts ]

[ screams ]

Stay back!

Get back.
Damn, You're quick.

'Cause you're a dinosaur.

But... you don't carry

around these, do you, huh?

{\an1}Welcome to the Big Bang theory,

my friend.

Damn it, Will!

[ roars ]

Ah, that was stupid.

You're cornered, man!

There's no way out!

There's always a way out!

{\an1}'Cause if you don't make it...

It's your own damn vault.

My God!

He's gonna do it!

Do it! Do it!

[ burps ]

Ooh!

-Ahh!

-Oh, God!

[ squawks ]

I don't believe it.

[ whispers ]

Oh... shit.

[ roars ]

[Holly] Oi!

Yeah, you,

you bastard!

Do you realize who

you just ate, do you?

Probably the most

brilliant man ever.

Probably the only man

who ever really knew you.

{\an1}All right, so he was wrong about

the size of your brain,

but you don't go

and eat a man for that.

You reason with him,

you stupid idiot!

He was your future!

He was my future!

And I'm never gonna get

a chance to tell him that

because of you!

[ roars ]

It's cool.

It's cool.

I'm sorry.

{\an1}Right. Now we must get home.

We're gonna get back,

{\an1}and we're gonna tell the world

what Dr. Rick Marshall

did here today.

[ high-pitched whine ]

Come on,

you big green bastards.

I am sick and tired

of you slow-moving

little wankers.

[ grunting ]

[ screams ] Will!

All right,

little dude.

Let's do this.

Lock and load!

[ shouts ]

Boo-ya!

You want some of this?

Eat, Chaka, eat!

Holly!

[Holly] Will!

Step, step and lift!

[ roars ]

[ squawks ]

{\an1}All right, my murderous friend,

take us home.

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo!

Get!

Bite that guy

right back there!

Nice. Whoo!

Good get.

That's him.

That's him.

Upper deck!

Oh, the horror!

{\an1}Oh, God, that is the coolest

thing I have ever seen.

Let's do it, pal. Whoo!

{\an1}The only thing cooler would be

{\an1}if he'd slide down Grumpy's tail

{\an5}-just like Fred Flintstone

would do--

-Whoo-oo-oo!

Oh, God.

I've lived.

I have lived.

-Oh.

-Easy.

[ chuckles ] Hey, come on,

it tickles.

Marshall!

{\an5}-What happened?

-Dude, we thought you

had died!

Died?

No, that was just

a minor setback.

Okay, let's go home.

No, no, no, wait.

This is insane.

We saw you go down

Grumpy's cake hole.

What, did he puke you out

or somethin'?
-Uh, well--

-No, it's not possible.

The T. Rex

lacked a gag reflex.

Not important right now.

I'm okay,

and that's it.

Oh, this is a puzzler.

Look, I'd really rather

not talk about it, okay?

[ sighs ] Now...

let's light this candle.

No, Marshall,

how did you get out?

I will talk to you

about it later!

Individually,

to each one of you.

I'll explain it.

[ sniffs ]

Oh, jeez.

Would you grow up?

Oh, my God!

Yes, he pooped me out!

[ groans ]

{\an1}And now you guys are friends?

While I was snaking

my way through his bowels,

I don't know,

I must have dislodged some

{\an1}sort of intestinal blockage.

And yes, he's in

a much better mood now.

So... can we move on?

I really would like

to go home.

You were deuced out...

by a dinosaur.

That is incredibly cool.

Grumpy, listen...

when you talk about this,

and you will...

please be gentle.

Okay?

[ snorts ]

All right, gangsta,

let's bones it out.

[ grunts ]

Don't worry about it.

It's hard with

your vestigial arm.

Let's go, guys.

To freedom.

[ roars ]

Thank you, Dr. Marshall.

{\an1}And now the doorway... opens.

Enik!

[ gasps ]

It's over.
You're not going anywhere.

You think you can

challenge me?

Ma-kan nan-ka-taaaaa!

I wrestled at Purdue.

[ chuckles ] J.V.

[ both grunt ]

Fight, fight, fight!

{\an1}Chaka! Nicaraguan ball breaker!

[ squeals ]

Marshall!

I'm comin' in!

Oooh!

[ groans ]

Oh, misfire!

What have you done?

The door.

It's closing forever!

[ gasps ]

[Marshall]

It's barely holding!

Let's go!

[ grunts ]

Ha!

{\an1}It's your home or your comrade,

Dr. Marshall.

[ evil laughs ]

No, it isn't.

Reverse!

[ grunts and groans ]

You go!

I've got this yellow

bastard on lockdown.

I'm gonna stay.

[both] What?!

Yeah.

I've been talkin'

to my man Chaka.

He pitches

a pretty good world.

I mean, think about it.

My home was never

in the real world.

I never belonged.

This could be a fresh

start for me.

You know,

make some new friends.

I could be somebody...

a winner.

Ow!

Wow, I really admire

you right now.

I just feel like so many

{\an1}people go through this life

looking for what

I've found here, you know?

And they themselves,

they never find it.

Or worse...

they find it...

but they let it slip away.

I am so afraid

of that happening.

You wouldn't be human

if you didn't feel scared.

Marshall!

Please.

you can't leave me here

like this with him!

{\an1}As one scientist to another,

I beg you for mercy.

Science shows no mercy,

and neither do I.

Whoo, that's good.

Thank you.

Let's go, Holly.

Ready?

Ready.

Chaka, technically

I'm still your master!

Marshall?

Holly.

We made it!

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

I just want to say...

you have grown

into a beautiful woman.

[Ernie] Hey.

where's Will?

He went to...

a better place.

You killed him.

No.

No, he went to a...

a strange world.

a world of dinosaurs,

monkey people,

lizard people,

a hole in space and time,

a virtual...

Land of the Lost.

And as hard as it

is to believe,

Will chose to stay.

All right, cool.

Yeah, did you see

those Sleestaks

kick the crap out of Enik?

I've never seen 'em

move so fast.

[ Chaka squawks ]

Yeah, I couldn't

agree more, little buddy.

Tunic.

Hop up.

I got you, come on.

Oh... oh, man.

You are deceptively heavy.

[ squawks ]

Oh... oh, my God.

[ squawks ]

{\an1}[ shouts in native language ]

[ crowd cheering ]

{\an1}[ imitating native language ]

Chaka!

My God!

We're kings!

[ all shouting ]

Are those what your women

look like?

Hop off, be cool, be cool.

be cool, be cool.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Easy, stand down,

stand down.

I, I got this.

[ grunts ]

How's it goin'?

I'm Will.

Pretty much, uh,

Chaka's best friend.

I'm here to

offer y'all protection

and, uh, and shelter...

and really pretty much

anything
that you guys

would ever need.

Okay.

Hey, how's it goin'?

Hey, yeah.

Okay, yeah, that's denim.

Denim, yeah.

Yeah, well,

look at that, huh?

{\an1}Hey, you're back there, too.

Okay.

This was definitely

a good choice.

[Announer]

This is Today,

with Matt Lauer.

It's been some time

{\an1}since my final guest was here,

but after

the remarkable events

of the past year,

{\an8}he needs no introduction.

{\an8}He's back with a new book

{\an8}and more

{\an8}startling evidence of...

you guessed it,

time warps.

The pipe's allowed.

I asked.
That's great news.

You've had quite a year.

Actually,

a stellar year, Matt.

{\an1}In fact, I brought you back

a dinosaur egg,

which, uh,

my beautiful partner

and lover,

Holly Cantrell,

was gracious enough

to transport.

{\an1}And I'm obviously very excited

about my new tome.

It's a book.

{\an1}16 weeks on the New York Times

bestseller list.

{\an1}Let me get to your discovery

doctor, because--

This is for you.

I signed it.

[ sighs ]

You're supposed to say

{\an1}the title and the publisher.

That's not gonna happen.

-Just say it.

-No!

Just say the damn title.

Fine.

Matt Lauer Can Suck It

by Dr. Rick Marshall.

{\an1}I was so surprised that your

{\an1}attorney signed off on that.

I was like, "Are you sure?

Is this gonna be okay?"

{\an1}He said, "Yeah, go for it."

-Son of a bitch.

-Ah! Ow!

You puss!

[ theme music playing ]

[ Man over P.A. ]

And we're clear.

Uh, if anyone sees Matt,

can you tell him

he forgot his egg?

[ all laugh ]

{\an8}♪♪